Blood dripped from her cold hooves, splattering against the creaking floorboards of her wagon; pooling at the end of her bed, staining her blue hair red. She shuddered, gritting her teeth as wind whipped through her wagon, stinging the fresh wound on her arm. Trixie stared at the festering cut that hung loosely to her now throbbing arm. Watching as blood bubbled to the top and sputtered out from the sides, trickling down her arm, making her hair sticky.
“I hate this,” she grumbled as she continued to glare at the wound. “Why do I have to be so stupid,” she mumbled, using magic to tug at the final loop of stitch lining. As she tugged on the line, a sudden sharp searing pain shot through her arm, rupturing up her shoulder, making her lose concentration with a yell of agony. “You knew this would happen, stupid stupid stupid. You knew!” She yelled at herself as she sat on the edge of her bed, the old taunt strings bouncing her for a small moment. “And yet you still had to try…you still had to push everything away. You knew nothing works…nothing ever works.” Trixie said weakly, lowering her arm for a moment before raising it again as her wound grazed the fabric of her bed.
Sighing she said, “Trixie, yelling at yourself now will not fix anything. Just, pull the needle and be done with all of this…forever.” Taking a deep breath in, she hesitantly tugged on the final loop of the stitch and gasped in agony as she bit down on the edge of the stitch lining, tugging it with her teeth-her body quaking as pain raptured through her arm-like she was being stabbed repeatedly forever. A shriek escaped her throat as she let go of the needle, tears welling in Trixie’s eyes as she hyperventilated.
The world slowed as she clutched the side of her spasming arm. All she could hear was the beating of her heart, all she could feel was the endless throbbing of her now crudely stitched wound. Silence fell upon her as she listened to the sounds of her old wagon creak in the roaring storm, and rain patter against her crumbling roof. Trixie’s heart slowed, as she let the sounds of the storm soothe her. That was till she smelled the awful odor of rotting flesh waft through the thick air.
“What is that absolutely awful smell?” Trixie questioned, raising a hoof to her snout. “Probably doesn’t matter.” She said with a shrug, pulling the smooth bed sheet over her body, the warmth of the covers comforting her. But, the smell grew stronger and the once comfortable warmth quickly became stuffy and humid. Her eyes opened softly as she stared at the window in front of her, a noose hanging oppressively over her. She stared solemnly, ignoring the smell.
Trixie raised a hoof and leered at the wound. What was the point anymore? Keeping herself together, fixing her faceless lies to become a ‘better’ pony. No one talks to her anymore or even goes to her shows, it has been years since she has had anyone in the audience. Even Starlight has disappeared, been months since they have spoken. She can still remember their last day together, she ruined it. Like always. Trixie turned what was supposed to be a fun festival into a horror…into the worst day of her life. She glared at the wound now, which bubbled up blood with a gurgle.
Now all she has is this festering heap of a cut to remind her of all her failures…of that final day. Trixie felt herself cringe, throwing the bed sheets over her head. What has she ever been to anypony anyways? A joke, a mistake, a threat? Everypony hates her besides Starlight but now they don’t even talk.
Been months. Been months since she has done anything besides sit in this bed, been months since she spoke to a single living creature besides the dirt below her feet. Despite how hard she tried, despite everything she ever did. None of it ever mattered, they all screamed, they all laughed, no matter what she did to change, no matter how hard she tried to fix the bridge she burned. They still threw her from the gallows, and they all pointed and whispered even as she swung, even as she screamed for help.
They don’t understand, not because they can’t but because they don’t want to. It was easier for them to live behind a lie instead of facing the hard truth...at least she knows this now. Starlight was the only mare she ever told anything about herself to, the only pony she ever wept to and now she too whispers in the shadows, laughing as Trixie burns in a fire she lit herself. Pity how everything works, how one mistake, one bad decision can change everything about everyone. They all act so high and mighty until the curtain falls. Until the stage burns to ashes, until the storm rains swords and the seas swallow them whole.
Now, she too understands. The pain, the fire, the drowning, the suffering. She hears their screams, their lust for hate. She just wishes she could unsee it all…but she never can. Trixie has driven away everypony she loves, everypony she cares for. She can’t change, she never could and now she hurt the last pony that ever could. The last mare that actually gave her a chance.
What is the point in caring anymore when there is no one to care for? She jumped at the sound of thunder crackling in the late night skies.
“There isn’t,” she answered herself with a sigh. Shuddering, she threw the blankets off her body and stared longingly one last time at her throbbing wound. “I’m sorry,” she whispered lightly, forcing herself out of bed. The springs groaning as she stood, the floorboards creaking beneath her hoofsteps, the wagon shifting with her weight. Lightning flickered, casting the solemn knot’s silhouette upon the wall affront her. The smell of rotting flesh growing more pungent in the air. She felt a shiver travel up her spine. Could she even do this?
Trixie stared emptily up at the oppressive noose before her, watching as it swung solemnly through the air. Its whispers creaking through the shifting wagon, their somber notes echoing off the cramp walls. She shuddered. Could she really do this? Would this even be worth it? Her hoof ached as she stared up at the veil that lingered hauntingly above her. Thunder crashed around her, rocking the wagon with a thump.
All she has ever been is a failure, all she ever can be is a failure and all she ever was to Starlight was a failure. Furrowing her brow, she forced a quivering hoof up into the air as she latched onto the rope that dangled dangerously affront her. Who would even care? To the world she was nothing more than that cry into the wind. That cry that no pony heard. Shivering, she stepped onto the chair and suddenly the world went silent.
The soft creaks of her wagon were gone, the pattering of rain fell quiet, the roaring of thunder became all but a distant memory as she stood upon her dying throne. All she could hear now was the beating of her heart and the quiver of her breath. The chair creaked from beneath her as she put a hand to her beating heart and sobbed. The silence overwhelmed her, taking hold of her as she wept.
She can’t fix what she did, she can’t fix her mistakes-her horrors-and she can’t fix herself. Nopony can, that's just how it all works in the end. Once a failure, always a failure, once a mistake, always a mistake and once a monster, then you’re always a monster. The tears kept rolling as she clenched her teeth, forcing her eyes shut as she tried to ignore the freakishly quiet wagon.
“Why?” She sobbed to herself, waiting for the void to answer. But none came besides the silence of the wagon. Wobbling, she reached up and grabbed the noose. Starlight’s smile flushed through her mind one last time, her laugh warming the edges of her dilapidated mind.
With a whimper she looked forward and said, “I love you.” Before she stepped off the chair with a snap. Tears swelled in her eyes as the life was choked from her breath. The world dipping into darkness as the knot tightened around her neck until there was nothing more. Until she was nothing more, nothing more than a cry that faltered in a roaring storm. A storm that she built, a storm that swallowed her whole.
The wagon went quiet, and the world carried on.
Author's Note
This is only the first part of a four part story. Will be releasing more!
