The Booty Warrior Chronicles: Nightmare Moon Gets Cratered
Twilight laid defeated before Nightmare Moon and the shattered remnants of the petrified Elements of Harmony, her head bowed in shame as the maro on the Moon cackled victoriously.
“You little foal, thinking you could defeat me!? Now you will never see your Princess or your sun…” Nightmare Moon declared, spitting the word “sun” out with venomous disgust as her flowing ethereal mane and tail began to expand and swirl around her dramatically. “The Night…will last…FOREVERRRR!”
She began to cackle madly as her ether formed a large swirling vortex above the two ponies, her evil laughter echoing through the castle and the mind of the defeated unicorn before her.
Twilight looked on helplessly, thoughts racing through her mind a mile a minute as she desperately tried to think of a way to stop this. The Elements were destroyed, and she could hear her companions quickly approaching, but they would be little help in this situation. Suddenly, she remembered she had stumbled upon in the forbidden archives during one of her unsanctioned visits.
Upon discovering she had learned it, her teacher forced her to swear a solemn oath never to use it unless she was in an utterly dire situation. The type of situation where not just her life, but the lives of countless other ponies were in pressing, immediate danger, and there was no other way to stop it.
Something ancient. Something Diabolical that once called forth could not be undone.
Twilight shook her head and steeled her resolve, standing resolute once again as she lifted her head to face the Lunatic Tyrant. “You’re wrong, Nightmare Moon. I may not have the Elements, but there is still someone who can stop you.”
The Selenic Demon seemed taken aback by this, looking down at Twilight with equal measures of curiosity and hesitance. “Oh? And who exactly do you think is going to be able to defeat me? And don’t you mean somepony?”
“I know what I said,” Twilight responded simply as she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, a single tear rolling down her cheek as she silently prayed for Celestia to forgive her for what she was about to unleash upon this world. Steeling her resolve, she uttered the ancient incantation….
“My Booty Is Mine
It Belongs To Me
You Cannot Have
My Boo-ty”
As she finished the incantation, all was still for a moment. Then a strange, otherworldly music began to emanate from the very air around them, steadily growing louder.
Nightmare Moon was taken aback by this, glancing this way and that as her ears flattened and her eyes narrowed. “W-what have you done, you foal?” she asked, raising a hoof to her chest in apprehension as she looked for whatever foul machination her foe had perpetuated.
Twilight gave a melancholy smile, her eyes sparkling triumphantly as her cohorts finally caught up to her. “I summoned him,” the unicorn said as she pointed directly behind the larger mare.
Nightmare Moon whipped around with a snarl to face her newest foe and stopped cold. She leaned back, a confused look settling over her features as she observed…whatever this was.
What it was was a bipedal creature, standing a few heads above her in height. It was…impressively built, almost as imposing in stature as a Minotaur. But even if it was not quite as imposing in stature, there was an…an aura about it, that caused dread to slowly seep into her cold, black heart the longer she looked upon its form.
It was mostly pale in color, with bare, peach-toned skin and only a pathetic and sparse smattering of fur faintly lining its exposed skin. The only exception to this was its head, which was completely bald and a sickening verdant green that stopped cleanly at the neckline.
It wore a simple, plain white t-shirt, with a pair of khaki cargo pants and a pair of black combat boots. It had no defined facial features, only impressions and contours that suggested the beginnings of a nose and eyes and a ghoulish grinning mouth. A simple black question mark adorned its forehead.
The dark mare paused at the sight of this…thing, and slowly stepped back from it with visible apprehension. It simply grinned at her and cleared its throat before speaking in a deep, jovial tone.
“Alright, who did the chant?”
The question hung heavy in the air briefly before Twilight reluctantly raised her hoof. “I-I did, sir…” She said softly, fear creeping through her tone as she looked up at the strange being. “I’m sorry, But I didn’t see any other way to-”
“Shhhhhh….” All of the purple mare’s friends gasped in shock as, in the blink of an eye, the creature was in front of her, kneeling as it placed a finger to her lips. Twilight was too shocked and frightened by its incredible speed to withdraw from the gentle motion as the being smiled down at her softly. “Don't be scared. I just wanted to know who I should be thanking. You? You’re my new best friend,” it said with a slight chuckle, uttering the phrase “best friend” in a tone that made the mare's skin crawl.
“As for you!” He said as he stood up, pivoting on one heel before stopping and confidently posing with one finger pointed towards the would-be malevolent mistress of the night. “I can tell just by looking at you that you are one nasty customer.”
Nightmare Moon Shook her head, recovering quickly from her hesitation and scoffing as the creature approached her, rubbing its hands together deviously. “That’s quite humorous coming from...whatever it is you are.” She responded less snappily than she would have liked. “What even are you, you foul creature?”
“The kind of creature I am isn't important. All you need to know is that I am a warrior, Princess.” The thing responds with a slight smirk across his features as he continues to draw near. “And I have been summoned to punish you for your wicked crimes.”
Nightmare Moon cackled at this, the sheer audacity of this creature to think it could oppose her. “Oh, you know of me, then, foul beast? Then you know that I am-”
“Oh, I know who you are, Nightmare Moon,” it said firmly, cutting her self-aggrandizing spiel off as it clapped its hands together in a way that carried a sense of…finality. “Only see, I likes to call ya Nightmare Swoon. I used to watch your battles all the time.”
Her eyes widened at this response, then narrowed again as she bared her fangs at the creature and gave a menacing hiss. “I will not tolerate such flippancy from an ugly ape such as yourself. What punishment does one such as yourself think they could even inflict upon my royal person?”
“Oh, I’ll be goin’ ape on somethin’ real soon, but that can wait a little longer,” it responded cryptically, biting its lip as it looked her over. “As for what sort of punishment I’m going to give you? It’s simple: I’m gonna snatch your booty.”
“AYO PAUSE!” Rainbow Dash jeers from the background as the other girls gasp again.
Nightmare Moon simply chuckles darkly at this declaration. “Oh, you silly thing. You wish to sack my castle and plunder its booty? I’m afraid you’ll find it quite lacking after my long absence.”
“Oh, I’m not talking about treasure. Your punishment is gonna be more about what's coming out of my sack than going into it. But you’re half right. I am going to catch you lacking and plunder some booty. Nah, I’m here for a mares flanks.” He said with a wide grin as he stood directly before her.
“M-my flanks!?” She cries out, faces quickly reddening with embarrassment at what the creature seems to be implying. “W-why I never, you can’t possibly-”
“Oh, I can. And I will.” He said menacingly as he crossed his arms, looking down at her with an imposing glare from his nonexistent eyes. “You thought you could just walk around being a bad bitch with your whole mooncakes hanging out like it’s the Mid-Autumn festival and think I wouldn't pounce? Nah, girl.” He continued, one hand coming out to slowly stroke her cheek as she gave a disconcerted squeak of fear. “The moon ain’t made of cheese, but it will be full of cream when I'm finished with you. I’m gonna put a whole new crater in that bad boy.”
Applejack blanched at this display as the other girls recoiled in disgust. She nudged Twilight with her hoof and hurriedly whispered to her harshly. “Twi, there Ain’t no buckin’ way we can let ‘em do this, right? I mean, she’s evil and all, but we can't just let this varmint up and run through her cheeks like this. It ain't proper!”
Twilight gave a small, defeated sigh and hung her head low. “We don't have a choice,m Applejack. This creature is far beyond any of our abilities to defeat. Even with the elements of harmony, there isn't anything we could do now that he’s been summoned.”
Rainbow Dash’s Eyes widened at this admission, and she pitched in, flying over to the purple mare’s side to join the conversation. “What!? What kind of crazy thing is that? What did you do, Twi!?”
She turned forlornly to Rainbow Dash and spoke sullenly. “His name is Anonymous. He’s…a Booty Warrior.” She mutters defeatedly as she turns to look at the conflict unraveling in front of them. “A being of nigh-infinite power from another dimension, who seeks to punish the wicked by…taking their booty. Nothing can stop a Booty Warrior from claiming their prize once they have found a target, not even the most powerful of magics known to ponykind. When she learned I had discovered the secret of their existence in the Forbidden Archives, Celestia forbade me from summoning him unless the world was at stake. And well…here we are…”
Rarity sniffed distastefully at this, looking back at the scene before averting her gaze, unable to bear the sight of what she knew would come next. “S-so we’re really just going to stand here and…watch?”
Fluttershy for her part was already in a coma on the floor, having passed out several minutes ago when the creature first arrived, and everything going on proved to be too much for the mare.
Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie cried, sobbing into her hooves as she sat on the ground. Tears comically poured onto the ground from the sides of her face, and she muttered, “It’s not fair, it just isn't fair…!” over and over.
The dialogue continued as the Mane Six all processed the goings on in their own ways. Nightmare Moon quickly grew agitated with the warrior, snarling as she pointed a hoof at him. “Enough of this! I will not allow you to continue to disrespect me any longer, you whelp. The time for talk has ended.
Anonymous, the 15th Booty Warrior, smiled down at the mare with a devious expression, nodding his agreement. “Oh, I feel just the same, Nightmare Moon. But I still have one more thing to say to you…”
He leaned in close, his hands resting on her shoulders as he met her eyes, “I likes ya, and I wants ya. Now, we can do this the easy way…or the hard way. The choice is yours.”
Nightmare Moon snarled at him viciously, her horn consumed in a luminous shadowy aura as she concentrated all of the energy to a single point. “We will not be doing anything any sort of way, you disgusting-”
“Oh, okay. I see you choosin’ the haaaard way.” He said calmly, his grin widening as he firmly grasped the base of her horn, the magic she had been charging fizzling out.
Her eyes widened, and she sputtered angrily as her spell was rendered useless. “W-wha..b-but how!?”
He simply chuckled and leaned in close, his face almost touching hers. “Booty Warrior Magic. Now…toot that ass up.”
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The loud, crisp sound of clapping echoed through the castle alongside the indignant screams for mercy of the Lunar Tyrant. An assortment of deeply undignified guttural groans, high-pitched shrieks, and the occasional feral neigh filled the room between thunderous claps of human hips on pony flesh.
The five mares who were not unconscious of getting their insides rearranged all watched on in horror, save for Pinkie, who, through tear-stained eyes, wailed out one final cry.
“IT’S NOT FAIR. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!”
“AY-BUCKIN-YO” Sounded out the chorus of the rest of the mares present, looking over at Pinkie Pie with disturbed, judgemental expressions as the fanfic faded to black.
