Author's Note
This is based on a real video. Can you guess which one?
P.S. I never passed my 'Texan Twang' class back in school, and I had to resort to a translator. If I took the Texan word in vain in this short-story: Blame technology.
These dang dirty trolls
Isn’t technology a marvelous thing? Take the Canternet for example. Allowing virtually everypony all over Equestria and beyond to connect their personal computers in order to share their stories, make friends and exchange ideas. At least that was the idea at first. In reality, there was much more to be taken into consideration once the world went online. Like the ability to anonymously express one’s thoughts, and hide behind avatars and usernames. What would be so bad about this, somepony might have asked in the beginning, but it soon turned out that some ponies are much meaner than their public persona might have suggested.
In fact, once the Canternet reached a certain size, spreading all kinds of media from video to music to writing or even gaming, giving birth to every community imaginable, a certain group of ponies could be found in almost all of them. A group that derived pleasure from poking fun at other ponies and sometimes even driving them to their wits end. These ponies, kindly described as ‘trolls’ or sometimes ‘haters’ or ‘detractors’, quickly became a staple of the online world. Even though some one of them were more than just mean and even crossed into criminal territory once in a while, the majority of them were harmless, albeit annoying. They also were not as obsessive as many would claim, and one could often avoid their shenanigans by ignoring them.
Some ponies online, however, did not ignore their little japes and provocations. Some ponies decided to break a crucial rule of the Canternet and gave these trolls exactly what they wanted: Attention. Or, as the rules state: Don’t Feed The Troll. One of the many ponies that did not heed the wisdom of this rule was a young earth pony mare living in the small rural town of Ponyville, named Applejack.
Although her parents always spoke out against the Canternet, she could not help but be fascinated by the all the treasures this new world presented to her. For a farmer, who lived at what felt like the end of the Equestria in virtual isolation, seeing all these ponies and the content they produced was awe-inspiring.
At first, she would watch some videos, read and comment in various forums and by an inconspicuous user like countless others. After a few years, she decided to make herself an account on NeighTube and upload videos of her own. These videos were harmless and not worth mentioning. Often she would simply express her thoughts and opinions in vlogs, upload poorly recorded game footage or whatever came to mind on this particular day, be that a dance video or a ‘comedy’ sketch. Her views usually remained in the double digits and the most active viewers were the ones subtly poking fun at her and her the poor quality of her content. Applejack did not notice or didn’t want to notice these contrarian voices, though, reminding her that she seemed to almost have a talent for producing shoddy videos. Surely, she would soon have a breakthrough like all her idols on NeighTube, whose content she so ~~diligently~~ reliably ~~stole~~ ~~copied~~ was inspired by. Moreover, what did these little trolls, these haters, know anyway about making videos? None of them had videos of their own, so they could not know. Applejack was sure of this, she checked.
Applejack’s biggest problem as a content creator was unfortunately not her inability to produce anything but substandard goods, but her obvious susceptibility to trolling. These little varmints, as she would say, just rubbed her the wrong way. It was like bickering with Rainbow Dash, only that there seemed to by dozens or even hundreds of them.
She would show them. She would make them shut up, prove them wrong. She would beat them. They got nothin’ on a tough mare like herself.
Stubbornness can truly be a gift or a terrible, terrible curse. In this case, it’s the latter.
This sad little spectacle dragged on for some time, but it was nothing extraordinary for the Canternet. Barely anyone knew her or her videos, and the trolling happened on a small scale. This would change, however, when somepony from Baltimare happened to pass through Ponyville, recognized Applejack, took a picture of her talking to Apple Bloom and posted it online. Even though what followed now were just the usual jokes at her expense, Applejack was irate. Seeing pictures of her family members posted by one of her haters made her blood boil, but it was nothing compared to what would transpire a week later, when Apple Bloom picked up the telephone of the Apple Family only to be met with threatening remarks directed at her.
This would lead to a snap decision, which would bring Applejack the sizable audience she had been hoping to accumulate.
She turned on the camera, checked if everything worked as intended and with and with angry expression began what should become one of her most famous videos.
‘Howdy y’all. Ah reckon some no-good varmints reckon Ah'm just a douche canoe, a fool, a bozo or somethin'.’
‘Ah have a reckonin' to make for all y'all, ya little varmints.’
‘Somebody, ain't sure who and I don't give a damn who … Ah don't know who it was, but somebody dialed up mah sister talkin' with a PC computer voice and said: Watch out, Ah know where ya live.’
‘Whoever done this, Ah dare ya, come on over to me. Sweet Apple Acres in West-Square 8 in 91448 Ponyville ’
‘Y'all think y'all tough, come on over here and Ah'll whoop y'all's asses!’
‘If somebody thinks they can insult mah family or … reckons they can hassle folks, who ain't got nothing to do with this, then they better come on, Ah'm fixin' … Ah will throw ‘em out a beating so bad, they won't never get back up..’
‘Ah ain't scared of y'all little varmints!’
‘And if y'all reckon, Ah cain't do nothin' 'cause Ah'm just a farmer and Ah'm maybe a bozo in y'alls eyes... Ah'll tell ya what. Them farmers are a whole lot tougher 'n them cheap little trolls!’
‘Y'all better come on over here and square up with me, but y'all leave them other folks outta this!’
‘That's just the kinda horse apple Ah ain't feelin'!'
‘And if anyone reckons they can mess with mah sister, or kinfolk or friends or anypony else and Ah'm close by, Ah'll stomp a mudhole in 'em 'til they ain't breathin' and ah swear t'y’all, they ain't gonna have a snowball's chance in hell!’
‘Ah dare y'all. Come on over here!’
As it’s always the case, whenever Applejack got furious, her mind had some trouble catching up to her mouth, leading not only to regretful choices but also to unique phrases like ‘throw ‘em out a beating’ which her haters would gleefully adopt.
Unfortunately, her mind did not manage to catch some breath before she uploaded her video with the title ‘I’LL GET YOU HATERS!’.
When her mind did finally reach the decision-making department of her brain, Applejack, deleted the video, hoping that no pony saw it, because having her adversaries know where she lives might be a bad idea. Too bad that some of her detractors already managed to download her video, ready to share it among the other haters.
Doesn't matter. What's the worst thing that could possibly happen?
…
Regarding the shady individual that threatened Apple Bloom:
The truth being, the pony behind the ‘PC computer voice’, as Applejack put it, was not one of ‘them cheap little trolls’, but rather Scootaloo, who was still peeved that Apple Bloom had not paid her back yet the 50 bits she gave her over a month ago.
Bad timing can lead to unforeseen consequences, it would seem.
Where there's smoke, there's fire.
Author's Note
~~Copied from~~ Inspired by real events.
Where there's smoke, there's fire.
It had been some time, since a particularly stubborn and determined orange mare had a meltdown in a video in which she yelled out her address in order to challenge any troll willing to mess with her or her family to a fight, so that they would stop harassing them. It would be better if these nasty varmints directed their viciousness at her and not her friends or kin. At least that is what Applejack kept telling herself, after losing her temper. Doing something, no pony should ever do under any circumstances.
It did not take long until the first Haters ventured to Sweet Apple Acres in what they called the pilgrimage. For the most part, the pilgrims would content themselves with going to the farm, taking some picture or selfies and going home. Some tried to strike a conversation with Applejack, and some would even bring apple related offerings. Others were not so kind. While most encounters between the two sides outside the Canternet were quite normal and almost amicable, occasionally the visitors attempted to rile her up as they do online. They would shout her name and throw small objects on her property. Whether Applejack remained cool-headed or let her anger flow depended on her mood. If she did not come out to ‘entertain’ them, they would just go eventually. If you did ‘humor’ them, they would record the ordeal, post in their social media and had a great time.
Recently, AJ had a couple of very bad days. Someone online kept ordering various items in her name, and even though the goods had always been paid for in advance, the conversation she had with her grandma after she opened a box for her grand-child with the words ‘Big Bad Dragon’ written on top was insanely awkward. Unfortunately, the awful day she had today became even worse, when three of her Haters stood in front of Sweet Apple Acres calling her with a megaphone. With no more mental reserves for self-control for this day left, Applejack grabbed a tool, a small axe, lying right next to her and launched it toward her source of ire. The axe landed a good 10 hooves in front of them, causing no harm whatsoever, but instead of being scared at the thought of the axe actually hitting them, the three ponies broke down in laughter. As Applejack approach them with heavy hoof steps, they retreated, proclaiming their admiration for her.
“We love you, AppleHorse.”
“Never change, never give up.”
The video of that day would go viral in the Hater circles.
Within these circles, the lore around Applejack slowly began to take form. Even though many aspects of her life remained a mystery to them, the majority of the Trolls were certain of a few things:
‘Applejack was lazy, she was a liar, and she had no friends.’
Now, why would anypony think an honest, hardworking member of society with lots of friends, an Element of Harmony no less, was anything but these things?
As always, the goal of her Haters was not communicating or learning, who her true self was. Their goal was entertainment. Combined with AJ’s uncanny ability to produce poor online content and an increasingly short temper, a long line of misunderstandings and deliberate misinterpretations followed.
For example, when pressed on her work, Applejack would claim she is a farmer, but for an Earthpony ‘being a farmer’ was just code for ‘sitting at home all day’. Naturally, there were honest farmers working diligently to provide Equestria with food, but why would such a hard worker make videos that looked like the cheap copy or a cheap copy? Work is work. Farming, teaching, creative expressions, it is all the same, so if she was a genuine farmer, her videos should be better.
AJ did on occasion make videos talking about farm work, but they received little views, because the entertainment value was very low for her regular audience. They just assumed, somepony living in the countryside, must have picked up a few things here and there. And even a broken clock is right twice a day.
The next point of contention were her constant lies. This mare had the gall to claim she knew the Princesses personally and played a vital role in the defense of Equestria. What rubbish! As if, this random NeighTuber barely managing to get 1000 clicks on her videos was essentially a national hero. The Canternet was fully of ponies falsely claiming to be all kinds of grandiose things, and all were rightfully mocked for it.
Any attempt to refute the rumors of her dishonesty were themselves refuted. That necklace she held in the camera, which looked like the Element of Honesty, was clearly a fake. Anypony could buy such replicas. The ticket for the Grand Galloping Gala? Either a fake, which would once again cement her reputation as a liar, or it was real, which would mean AppleHorse wasted a great deal of her family’s money to purchase an overpriced trinket only to stick it to her neigh-sayers.
The Trolls argued if Applejack was such an important pony, surely, her equally important friends would appear in her videos to support her wild claims, but they never did. In truth, her friends had good reasons to stay clear of the Canternet and her content in particular. Twilight thought nothing of the online sphere, only using it for research. Pinkie Pie had never been online, and most ponies agreed this was a good thing. Rarity instinctively knew that meddling in Canternert thunderstorms was pure poison for her business. Fluttershy would rather bury herself in a deep, dank hole before going in front of a camera, and Rainbow could not be bothered.
This did not stop Applejack from mentioning her friends, albeit not by name, to respect their privacy. An important good, as she now knew. Unfortunately, she often made mistakes in relaying the information her friends provided her about their individual fields of expertise. Her Haters immediately picked up AJ’s incorrect descriptions about magic, weather control or fashion, and poked fun at her for it. Had she given an accurate description, it was quickly forgotten. Since none of her supposed friends were ever seen, and she only brought them up when talking about vague topics related to them, her viewers would start joking that she had pocket friends, like how other ponies have pocket knives, only brought up when she tried to talk about things she knew nothing about. This confirmed Applejack’s status as a friendless liar.
This particular accusation irked the young mare especially. Not only because she was the Element of Honesty, but also because it seemed to be the favorite insult in the Hater circles. After learning her real name, some Trolls dubbed her Lying Lumberjack, which would eventually shorten to Lyingjack.
One of Applejack’s most famous detractors was a user with an avatar of a crudely drawn sheep shooting a bright rainbow from its hindquarters, called Rainbow Sheep. At first this user would make Best Of’s of AJ’s greatest ‘hits’, until one day when they uploaded a music video in which a poorly animated Applejack danced to the music of a song called ‘Bike Ride – the Green Orbs’ while Rainbow Sheep would asynchronously sing ‘Lie-Lie-Lie-Lyingjack-Lyingjack’. This song became the unofficial anthem of the AppleHaters. Whenever Applejack said something that even potentially be a lie, the comment section of her videos or chat of her streams would be spammed with ‘lie-lie-lie’ or #Lyingjack.
It was a disaster, but nothing compared to what would soon transpire.
AJ’s had done her chores, was eating a delicious lunch and wanted to stream a bit. Her Canternet connection was never good, and did not allow her to stream with anything above 10 FPS, but she did not care. The jokes about the ‘bamboo connection’ she used to go online were easy to endure. The first 10 minutes passed by as they always do, full of the usual jokes and provocations, until one especially shameless Troll with the username Flim-Bro decided to hit the young mare where it hurt.
“What the –“
“Wha- What kind of sorry sumbitches are y'all?"
She read the chat message out loud that had caught her attention "Yer parents gonna git dug up.”
“Are y'all out of yer minds?”
“This is … this is plum crazy.”
She had to pause for a moment to process the blatant mockery of her deceased parents. Under no circumstances, would she have thought anypony would stoop so low.
“Y'all just take a minute and reckon on what y’all are writtin’.”
“What kinda horse hockey is this?”
The anger was slowly rising in her, but she was still under shock.
“Fer real, none of y’all are right in the head.”
“Honestly, think fer a moment what kinda sick crap this is.”
"Yer folks gonna git dug up.”
“Ain’t you got no respect for the dead!?”
She paused for a moment.
“How'd you feel if your folks were gone, and I made fun of 'em fer it?”
“Y'all are all crazy in the noggin.”
“Honestly, y'all should be locked up. The whole dang bunch of ya'll who write this road apples.”
“That Ah'm dumb as a box of rocks, that Ah talk like a hick, that ma videos are pure dog mess, well Ah can handle all that. But this …”
“So far, I ain't been readin' yer comments on purpose, but this here...”
“Such horse apples. And then y'all call yourselves ‘AppleHorsesParentsAreDead’”
A chat participant had quickly changed their name hoping to fuel the flames of Applejack growing fury.
“Seriously, y’all ain't got no respect for other folks, or the whole dang world, or them dead and their kinfolk.”
Her attempts to appeal to her detractor’s decency fell on deaf ears and they continued to make fun of her family.
“Why Ah oughta … Y'all got a mod in this chat?”
“I need this ‘Flim-Bro’ feller gone, I want him to skedaddle, ain't wantin' to see his face 'round here no more. Just like that otha' sumbitch.”
“Some things just done gone too far.”
She looked to her side and frantically started to wave her right foreleg in an attempt to drive away a big blowfly that kept buzzing around her head.
“This ain't funny, y'all.“
“Quit buzzin' 'round, ya dumb critter.”
Hoping that the insect would now leave her alone he she again looked directly into her camera.
“Ah want that sumbitch to be plumb annihilated.”
Stopping her tirade for an instance, she began reading more chat replies, seeing that many ponies spoke out against the two, who kept making jokes about Applejacks deceased parents.
“’Mockin’ the dead goes too far’ Yeah, exactly.”
“Would y'all please write #Moderator in the chat? Ah want this fella knocked out, Ah want him to piss off.”
“Honestly, What kinda sick statement was this”
When a moderator finally appeared, she described her situation, demanding that the two perpetrators are permanently removed from her streams.
"Y'all listen up, moderator. There's two folks here fixin' to make fun of my folks who've passed away.”
“Ah want them two clowns to high-tail it outta here, forever. I'm plum tired of this tomfoolery.”
“Them makin’ fun of ma videos, ma noggins, ma drawl, Ah can handle, but makin’ fun of the dead … “Ma folks passed on a few years back, this ain’t funny.”
“And if things don’t get better against these Hatres, Ah’ll start streamin' on a different platform, where Ah got the sayin' as to who stays and goes.”
“And if any of y'all don't get why Ah'm so dang mad, then Ah’ll pack ma things an’ go ”
The moderators agreed to look into it, so Applejack provided them with the names of the troublemakers.
“It was this strange ‘Flim-Bro’ somethin’ fella.”
“Oh. And this ‘Great-N’-Powerful’. Ah done blocked this fool a hunnerd times, but they keep on comin' back.”
“How in tarnation is that possible?”
With the desecration of her kin taken care of, the young mare began one of her usual complaints about her general situation and the myriad of Haters, who kept harassing her.
“When I block somepony, I want ‘em stay blocked. Forever and a day.”
“Anypony writin’ ‘lie-lie-lie' needs to be kicked off as well, cause they's also Haters.”
“It's always just the same dang thing when Ah livestream. Ah block folk and they keep crawlin’ back.”
The chat now spammed the lyrics of the Lyingjack song.
“There, ev'rybody writin' ‘lie-lie-lie'. This jest ain't right!”
“Ah don't know why it's always like that. I done kicked ‘Great-N’-Powerful’ out a million times. Ah don't know why this keeps happenin'.”
“Just a minute ago they wrote some Hater nonsense like ‘Jackie, calm down’, which is Hater talk.”
“What kinda platform is this, when they can just come back.”
”There ain't nothin' ya can do 'bout it. Always this ‘lie-lie-lie'. This just can't happen!”
Applejack’s rambling was suddenly interrupted when she heard a shrill sound coming from outside. She turned her head and its direction, threw a quizzical look toward the window in her room and said
“Wait a sec.”
She stood up and walked toward the noise to investigate, and for roughly one minute nothing could be seen aside from an empty wall, followed by indistinguishable murmurs. Although it was impossible to say for certain what was going on, the viewers noticed that the shrill noises, which grabbed AJ’s attention sounded awfully similar to sirens often used by firefighters and among the muffled words that were spoken at the moment one sentence could be understood despite the great distance between the streamer and her microphone.
”DANG IT! ARE Y’ALL MUST BE KIDDIN’ ME!”
With a furious expression, Applejack rushed back in front of the camera, grabbed her microphone to put it closer to her mouth and started yelling.
“DEAR HATERS, NOW Y’ALL GOT SOME SERIOUS COW FLOP ON Y’ALL’S FLANKS!”
“THEY JUST SET UP A RUCKUS, CLAIMING FIRE AND WHAT NOT.”
“YOU AIN’T SERIOUSLY THINKIN’ YE GONNA GET AWAY WITH THIS!?”
“THIS TIME YOU DONE MESSED UP TOO DANG MUCH!”
“NOW, Y’ALL GIT A BOOT TO THE BACKSIDE!”
“THAT’S … THAT’S IT. THIS CAIN’T BE.”
She hesitated for a movement before ending her stream with an ominous threat.
“YER DEAD. YER DEAD, DANG HATERS. I SWEAR TO Y’ALL.”
“BYE!”
…
In the coming week, the ponice would apprehend the individual that called the fire brigade claiming Sweet Apple Acres was in flames with ponies still inside. The real name was not published, but their online alias would soon spread on all social media. This ‘BasedGod’ as he called himself, turned out to be the same pony that sent Applejack the various items she recently received, bought through stolen identities. This fraud combined with other criminal activities, which became known after the ponice confiscated his electronic devices, would buy him a small jail term, which Applejack would celebrate as some sort of victory.
Although many agreed using her parents as an attack point crossed a line and making a false call to firefighters should be harshly reprimanded, the overwhelming majority of her viewers still couldn’t help but be utterly amused by the spectacle that unfolded on this day. A few Trolls would even try to recreate this stream by mentioning her parents and soon other members of the Apple Family in derogatory ways.
Perhaps this content creation thing and her crusade against her Haters were bad ideas, after all?
