Can't Fall Alone

by Loveling

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Equestria at War, Sad, Romance, Original Character, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 2533

Twilight Sparkle has given up on redemption, but finds that she's unable to bear that alone.

Celestia is no longer who she used to be.
With preparations for the inevitable Changeling Invasion requiring more and more sacrifice from Equestria's previously unshakable ethos of pacifism and friendship, Twilight has taken a role as Celestia's, now Daybreaker, closest advisor and assistant.

She had not been prepared for what these tasks would require of her.
No longer able to reconcile her harmonic ideals with her current actions, Twilight has cut off contact with her closest friends to avoid hurting them... and herself.

But, as her unfortunate personal bodyguard is about to find out, Ponies were not meant to carry their burdens alone.

Marked Teen due to mentions of self harm and suicide

Disclaimer:
This story is based off of an unfinished roleplay arc between me and the owner of the OC featured within, Midnight Lancer. It was part of an EaW Nation Roleplay on Discord. For those of you unaware of what Equestria at War is, it's a Hearts of Iron 4 mod that ports Equestria to a WW2-ish setting.

It was written for a writing contest held in a similar server, which can be found at https://discord.gg/mares.

All credit to Midnight Lancer for letting me use his OC, and to the brilliant EaW mod team for developing the setting. Special thanks to Nico for providing a large part of the roleplaying framework in which this took place.
Disclaimer End

Published 2024-04-02 21:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-04-02 21:30:00 UTC

A Terrible Friend

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Princess?"

Captain Midnight Lancer, the personal bodyguard of Solar Princess Twilight Sparkle, was beginning to ask that question more and more lately.
Ever since Twilight had revealed to him the full extent of the situation in Canterlot; Luna's imprisonment, Celestia being possessed, the 'Friendship Camps'....

Yeah...

No matter how hard she's tried to justify it since, none of it had ever sat quite right with Captain Lancer.

"Absolutely, Captain. If we just... gently remove the worst of the instigators here, we'll ensure that no harsher measures need to be taken. I've done the calculations!"

Twilight Sparkle's tone was as chipper as when they had first met that fateful day in Manehattan. That day, Lancer had almost taken his own life, despaired at the rapidly worsening situation in Equestria, and his own lack of purpose. Twilight had changed all of that.

She had explained, after the fact, that she had come to his rescue due to the guidance of her 'Cutie Map', a magical artifact that showed her the locations of all kinds of problems across Equestria. But, to Lancer, it had always seemed almost like destiny. It had not taken much convincing from her end to bring him out of his retirement, and just like that, Midnight Lancer had become Twilight Sparkle's personal bodyguard.

"You're not going to... kill them, are you...?" asked Lancer hesitantly, brows furrowed in concern.

The Solar Princess, clad as she usually was these days in her sharply ironed and pressed white-and-purple uniform with golden regalia on her head, whipped around to look at Lancer in shock.

"Goodness, no! We'll just... inter them. Only until the war is over!"

The war that had still yet to begin. The promised war that had seen Twilight assist Daybreaker with increasingly authoritarian measures. Measures which had also caused the Princess to slowly, but surely, distance herself from everycreature she held dear. Everycreature, save for Lancer.

"What about their families, Twilight? What are you going to tell them?"

Twilight looked surprised at the question, almost as if she found it silly; stupid, even.

"They're going with them. We can't have the family causing trouble in their place".

Lancer resisted shivering with all his might, the hairs on his neck standing on end, warning him for the umpteenth time this month that he shouldn't be here. That this was a dangerous place to be. That he wasn't going to be able to make the positive change that he kept convincing himself that he could make here.

Noticing the worried expression on the jet black stallion, Twilight's face similarly contorted into one of concern. Her 'scientific giddiness', as Lancer had come to call it, faded slightly. She looked at her Captain.

"Lancer? What's wrong?"

Her tone was full of genuine concern as the entirety of the former Princess of Friendship's immense empathy became singled on her woefully unprepared Guard Captain.
Lancer closed his eyes, shielding his yearning heart from Twilight's sparkling eyes, so full of worry for him.
So full of care.

"Is it the families? Is... is it going too far? Perhaps a visitation programme instead?"

Lancer pressed his eyelids together with even greater force, as his conscience screamed at him to tell her that it was much more than that.
It was the way she used her words now, the way she had come to view the Ponies that the numbers in her statistics represented, even the way she dressed...
She had become almost unrecognizable from who she had once been.
From who had saved him.

"Lancer...? Please talk to me..."

The sound of gentle hoofsteeps approaching him made Lancer instinctively take a step back, making him bump blindly into the small stool that had been at his rear leg.
Somepony had to snap her out of it! Celestia wasn't Celestia any more! Equestria was slowly being twisted and destroyed from within by a nightmare, and they were helping it!

He opened his eyes as he drew in a deep breath, ready to finally do what he, as Twilight's guard... no; as her friend, had to do!

"Lancer...?"

His words got caught in his throat as the visage he had been shielding his psyche from came into the focus of his opening eyes.
The Princess was leaning her head in towards him, seeming almost on the verge of tears. Her eyebrows were raised, and her lips were bent into a worried frown.
Her head was mere inches from his by now, and he recoiled backwards, falling over the aforementioned stool.

He would've landed on his back, had Twilight not caught him in her magic and lifted him gently back up to his hooves.

That warm, soft embrace of her magic was like a siren call to Lancer, and he had to fight with every fibre of his being not to let himself melt away in it, forgetting the cause that he had fought so many weeks to gather the courage for.
As Twilight came in to grab him as he landed, he had to gently push her back with a forehoof, drawing in a breath to speak as he made space for himself.

"Twilight, I'm not worried about those families, or-, erh-", stumbled the Pegasus, struggling to maintain his composure underneath Twilight's heart-wrenching gaze, "What I meant to say is that there are bigger things that worry me!"

"Is it the Celes-, I mean, is it the Daybreaker thing again? I told you, I'll get the girls together and deal with her just as soon as all the troubles at the border are addressed! You know that!"

"What troubles, Twilight? We both know that the Changelings and Marksists are both significantly weaker than us already, and yet we keep taking more and more drastic measures! You can't even look the girls in the eye any more, don't think I haven't noticed!"

Twilight recoiled, gasping
He was right, and she knew.
She also knew that he likely saw through her chipper facade as the thin theater that it really was; underneath which hid an ocean of doubts and horror at what she had become.

"We've gone too far, can't you see? But we can still make things right! We can free Celestia from Daybreaker, free Luna from prison, put it all right again! When has friendship not worked for you?"

Twilight looked at the floor, mortified.

"You're wrong," muttered the Princess, shaking her head. "It's far too late now. Ponies will never trust each other as they once did. The damage that Daybreaker, that I, have done..."

She look back up at Lancer, her shoulders sagging. "The best we can do now is limit the damage, Lancer. Make sure that there are untouched communities from which Harmony can blossom again once this is all over. Once all the threats are eliminated. I'm making sure those exist. That's why I have to stay!"

Lancer looked at her with shock. "How can you say that!? You're supposed to be the Princess of Friendship, you can't just give up on nine tenths of ponykind like that!"

"WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!?" shouted Twilight, her voice shrill as tears starting forming at the corners of her eyes. "I have to do this, Lancer! If I don't, I'd have to fight Daybreaker directly, and I... I just..."

Her tears hit the underlying carpet with soft, dull thuds.

"I can't do that! Besides, as I said, the damage is done! The course is set! Please Lancer, I..." she bit her lip and furrowed her brows, her eyes glittering with the tearful moisture covering them. "I know this is hard. It's hard for me too, you have to believe me! That's why I need you!"

Lightning coursed through Lancer's nerves as that word hit his consciousness with a thousand volts.

"I can't share this with any of the girls..." sighed the Princess. "You're right, I... I can barely look them in the eye any more. I'm keeping them isolated from all this. I want them to be... as they always have been. As I can't be any more, do you understand?"

Lancer shook his head.

"That's not how it's supposed to be..." he muttered, staring at the misty-eyed princess in disbelief. "They can help, Twilight, I-, I know they can! You keeping yourself isolated with nothing but your henchponies and Daybreaker it's... it's not good for you! You don't even allow Spike to visit any more!"

Twilight looked up from the floor, which she had been regarding for a while again, and looked up into Lancer's eyes directly once more.
"I thought you were my friend?" she asked. "Not just a henchpony..."

Lancer drew in another sharp breath as he shuddered unconsciously.

"O-O-Of course, Princess, I-..." sputtered Lancer, struggling to find the words he so desperately needed in this situation. "Of course I'm your friend, Princess... It's an honor, but I'm not the damned Elements of Harmony! You need them to help you with Daybreaker, with all of this!"

Twilight stood and walked closer to Lancer, putting a hoof on his shoulder, causing him to shrink away a little.
No longer the young Unicorn that Lancer frequently saw in painting throughout the castle, Twilight was now easily the size of Princess Luna, making her tower over the pegasus.

"I need you, Lancer, not them" Begged the Princess, looking at him with pleading, wet eyes. "You're the only one who knows. The only one who understands. That's why... that's why I need you, can't you see?"

Lancer screamed internally, as dam after dam of resistance blew in the face of the emotional onslaught.
Oh how he yearned to be needed. Why else had he fallen for a Changeling infiltrator posing as his dead girlfriend? Why else had he so blindly agreed to become Twilight's bodyguard? Why else had he stuck around for so long, even after being witness to what was slowly becoming weekly crimes against Harmony itself.

"Please, Lancer, I..." whispered Twilight, shimmying to the side of Lancer and embracing him, causing his breath to get caught in his throat. "I have nopony else. Nopony else that knows the position I'm in. All Daybreaker wants to do is to slowly subvert me... I know it. All her comforts are mere manipulation. You're the only one who understands, and who's on my side."

Lancer turned his head to the left to look at the Princess, who mistook the movement as him leaning into her and therefore pressed him against her with a large wing.

"Thank you... Thank you, Lancer..." cried the Princess softly.

And with that, the last barrier of resistance broke, and Lancer let himself melt away into the purple fur, warmed by the shielding embrace of her soft feathers.
It felt so good. So good to be needed. To be desired.
And Twilight was so kind... perhaps... perhaps there was a chance...? A chance that he could be more to her, that he could still save her...?

After a few minutes holding the embrace, Twilight began speaking again.

"Lancer, I... There's something I'd like for you to do for me", said the Princess, her previous crying causing her to be slightly hoarse. "...Princess?" asked Lancer in reply, turning to try and look her in the eye, curiosity apparent in his expression. "The things I've done, they... they make me feel so alone. When I talk with you, I at least know that I'm not completely isolated."

Lancer nodded and hummed in agreement. He knew that feeling all too well. There was nopony else in his life but Twilight and maybe Spike at this point. Everypony else was either dead, or had denounced him.

"And when I try to sleep at night, I... I keep thinking about all those things that I've done. I keep thinking about what the girls would think, what the Old Celestia would think..." she said, her eyes still closed. "I keep seeing Luna, locked in her cell, yelling at me that there was nothing that could be done any more. That we were past the point of no return."

The vibration of her voice caused her fur to rumble ever so slightly against Lancer's cheek, and Lancer found that he could no longer keep his tired eyes open.

"I haven't slept in days, Lancer. But right now, I... I think I could sleep. Just a little bit."

That woke him up slightly. "Wha-, what are you saying, Princess?" he asked, to which he suddenly found himself relocated onto the adjacent bed; Twilight's teleportation magic so deft and gentle that he had barely felt anything. "Just... just this night, Lancer", mumbled the Princess, her tone almost ashamed as she pressed the now-prone stallion's back into her.

Lancer had not nodded at those prior statements only for show. He too had difficulties sleeping these days, and would often wake up in the middle of the night, sweating profusely and crying for seemingly no reason. He never remembered his nightmares, but he knew that he was having them. It had been like that ever since Luna had been imprisoned.

As such, he exhaled, letting himself be swallowed by the Alicorn's embrace, disappearing into her wings.
Lancer couldn't even remember the last time he had dreamed, but surely, this was something most could only dream of. And yet, this was seemingly neither dream nor twisted April Fools prank.
"Just... just this once..." he thought to himself, "She needs me... I... I can do something about this later... yes, later..."

It didn't take long for him to fall asleep.
Behind him, Twilight was also slowly drifting away into what had once been Luna's domain, but not before a final, singular tear drifted down her cheeks and onto the linens.

"I'm sorry..." she mumbled, as she rested the bottom of her muzzle against the top of Lancer's head. Even in her slowly drifting state, her guilt was immense. She should send this stallion away, send him to live with Fluttershy, or with Pinkie. Somepony who could truly help him deal with the issues, the trauma, that he had.

Instead, she was taking advantage of him. She knew that her guard likely wished for more than mere friendship from her, but she also knew that those feelings were almost certainly the result of the twisted monopoly that she had on him. Like her, he was completely isolated. Also like her, he was incredibly vulnerable and desperate to feel desired, and to feel like he was doing the right thing.

And so, didn't that mean that, really, they were just two friends helping each other? Comforting each other?
It was a lie, and she knew it. Any good friend would send him away; get him the help he needed.
But Twilight needed the help herself too much.

She couldn't let go.

Another tear streamed down her cheek as she pressed her eyes closed. She exhaled, allowing the tension of her own self-doubt to leave her as she came to terms with what she was.

"I'm sorry...." she muttered again.

Falling asleep, she managed to whisper out one last word. The admission of what she'd become.

"I'm a terrible friend..."