Twilight Sparkle: Unicorn Extraordinaire

by The Psychopath

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Invader Zim
Length: 7917

Twilight is sent by an exhausted Celestia to Ponyville to try and make friends, but the unicorn's over-the-top behavior causes more issues than they solve.

Twilight Sparkle and her assistant Spike. Two names that cause Canterlot Castle to shake. Between her bizarre experiments and excentric personality, the unicorn becomes an extreme annoyance to everypony, especially when she starts fixating on a 'Nightmare Moon'. Spike is also a nuisance, often stuffing his face with random things and causing explosions randomly.

Exhausted with the chaos they keep causing, Celestia sends Twilight and Spike to Ponyville at the onset of the Summer Sun Celebration, hoping that the calmer environment will help them calm down and make friends.

It has the reverse effect.

In this story Twilight acts like Invader Zim and Spike like Gir.

Pic source available when you hover over the image.

Published 2024-03-27 22:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2025-01-22 00:14:49 UTC

WHO ARE YOU?!

Twilight tinkered away at the giant telescope in the observatory, occasionally sliding to the side to glare at the sky.

"I'll get that sun," she growled. "Look at it, Spike! Always sitting there thinking it's sooooo bright!"

Spike looked up at it and, in a matter of seconds, his eyes burst into flames and he started running around screaming, slamming into bookcases and lighting small fires.

"Yes, Spike! I also want to SCREAM VERY LOUDLY!" She continued tinkering and stuck her hoof out. "Spike, I need a large mallet."

The baby dragon immediately stopped running and casually walked toward the tool box sitting on a small table next to the mare. He fumbled through it to find the requested tool and handed it over to Twilight.

"Here you go," he said.

"Thank you," Twilight said. Spike took a deep breath and resumed screaming and running around. "No, I don't need an AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH Spike." She peered again at the sky, her eyes barely looking to the side of the star. "Thinks it's sooooo special that no pony can look at it, huh? WE'LL SEE!" Her eyes just barely glazed the sun that she slammed her hooves to her face and started screaming in pain. "My eyes! Aaah!"

In her flailing, the mare ended up kicking the telescope, causing it to move slightly and emit an enormous laser of blue light into the sky. The power surge was too much for the unfinished project and caused the instrument to spark and break off its hinges to crash into the castle below.

"Nooo!" Twilight yelled in horror. As her eyes watered she sat down, pouting. "That took hours to make! What am I supposed to do now?" she asked herself while ponies screamed below. She grabbed a book with her magic and peered inside of it. "Oh yeah, wasn't I supposed to check on Nightmare Moon?" She shook her hoof angrily at the sun. "I'll get you eventually," she threatened.

The sun was unfazed.

The mare raised a brow at Spike screaming and pummeled him with the book in her magic, extinguishing the flames. "Stop yelling and go look for books about Nightmare Moon and the Elements of Harmony!" she bellowed at him.

Spike bounced in place, smiling. "Okay!" he agreed cheerfully.

While Twilight continued to pour over her books, she noticed a nasty smacking noise assaulting her ears. "What is that? Is it the brain worms again?!" she said with a shiver. She realized it was Spike, sitting in a pile of books, chewing on one. "Spike!" she yelled angrily. The mare pounced on the baby dragon and tried her best to pry the book out of his mouth while he attempted to chew faster. "Those aren't for eating! Spit that out right now!"

The door to the observatory slammed open, revealing Princess Celestia breathing hard. She almost stopped breathing entirely when she saw the mess everything was in and the two occupants in a fight.

"Twilight!" Celestia called. "I'm sending you to Ponyville to oversee the Summer Sun Celebrations," she explained hurriedly. "You need fresh air and friends!" She teleported over to them and started punting the two with her hooves. "Go go go!"

She launched them out the window where the two landed on a chariot pulled by two royal guard pegasi who took off as quickly as they could, and when they arrived in Ponyville they dumped the two onto the ground and took off in a rush.

"What was that all about?" Twilight wondered.

"I dunno," Spike said casually.

Twilight looked at the town with suspicion, eyeing every single little thing around. She crossed eyes with Pinkie gasping in shock, bolting away in terror, and fell to the ground, clawing at her throat.

"They're trying to steal my oxygen!" the mare wheezed on the ground. The ponies walking around stopped and stared at Twilight, dumbfounded. Spike fell down face first and started to imitate her before Twilight squeezed him against her chest. "WE'RE IN ENEMY TERRITORY!" she yelled suddenly. "WE NEED COVER!" she bellowed at the top of her lungs.

She rushed through Ponyville and headbutted the Library door and slammed it shut. The mare breathed heavily, feeling herself panicking the more she looked around.

"They're surrounding us, Spike. They want to steal all my air. I KNOW IT!" She peered through one of the windows and frowned. "Using stealth spells, huh?" She lifted Spike up. "We need disguises!" she said.

The mare started rushing around the library ripping off curtains, shredding apart pillows, and resizing comforters and blankets. In just a few minutes she managed to stitch a poorly made disguise for her baby dragon: A pink pony outfit with a hood that fit over his head. His spines would hide perfectly in the shaggy, hot pink mane that had been stitched on the top of the hood.

"Ooo," Spike said in awe. "It's so soft." The baby dragon hugged himself. Twilight, meanwhile, surrounded herself in magic that quickly dissolved, but nothing changed. Spike hummed pensively. "You look the same."

"Nuh uh!" Twilight protested. "The RGB of my coat is now point-four percent less on the B," she stated proudly.

Spike narrowed his eyes behind his hood. "Oh yeah," he realized.

"Only a genius with colors could change something so impossibly subtle and become unrecognizable!" she declared. "Let us into the town and assess what the FILTHY peasants of this place have done for the celebration." She raised a foreleg triumphantly toward the door. "Spike! Unveil me to the ponies!"

"Okay, Twilight!" Spike said.

Outside, a rainbow-colored pegasus was wiping mud off of her body after crashing into a puddle. She's distracted when the door to the library slams open and a unicorn comes flying out and collides face-first into the ground, skidding along its surface until she stops in front of the pegasus.

Witness to the whole thing, Spike becomes excited. "Oooo. That looks like fun."

The baby dragon slams his face into the ground and starts pushing himself forward with his stubby legs while producing muffled cheering.

"Uh...are you okay?" Rainbow asked.

Twilight's head shot up immediately. She meant to yell something, but a huge glob of dirt sputtered out of her mouth instead. The mare was quick to wipe her mouth clean. "You!" she yelled. "You're supposed to be taking care of the clouds!"

"Uh...yeah?" Rainbow said. She wrung some mud out of her mane. "I'll do it later. It'll be super quick."

"LIES!" Twilight bellowed.

Rainbow looked extremely insulted. "I can do it in ten seconds flat! Word of Rainbow Dash!"

"MORE LIES! THE WORMS!" Twilight shouted as she raised her forelegs into the air. "THEY'VE GOTTEN TO YOU TOO. The stinky worms of cheese doodles and fibs!"

Rainbow's eyes twitched and she shot into the sky, turning into a streak of rainbows as she popped every cloud in the sky, revealing the rest of the blue they were hiding. "There!" the pegasus said while panting. "I-Where'd you go?"

Twilight looked around erratically while Spike stuffed mud into his mouth and quickly coughed it out.

"Ew," Spike complained. "This is the worst chocolate I've ever had." He plucked a beetle minding its own business from the ground, shoved in the mud, then happily chewed wet dirt, a gleeful expression on his face. "Mmmm. Vanilla chips!"

"That pony was suspiciously fast," Twilight remarked. "Next, we have to check on the food." She stuck her tongue out. "Evil peasant fooood." The mare arrived at an enormous farm surrounded by fields and fields of apple trees. Hesitant but knowing her duty granted to her by Celestia, the mare moved toward the red barn. "Hello?" she shouts. "Anypony around?"

An orange mare jumped in from the top of a tree and grabbed the lavender unicorn's hoof. "Well, howdy doo there, missy! Mah name's Applejack 'n ah'm glad ta meet ya!"

The unicorn's head spun while she talked. "'I uh...came fer-for the food."

Twilight was immediately thrown toward a table surrounded by a plethora of ponies.

"Ah reckon Ah'd let ya meet mah family. Friendly greetins 'n such," Applejack said with a wink.

As the farm pony introduced her family members, each one dropped a tray of food on the table, scaring the mare. Spike, meanwhile, started gorging himself on the snacks and wouldn't stop for air, even when he was choking from the intake. He ended up spitting out several plates of food, sitting there in pain, then repeating the process again. His caretaker, however, didn't feel as enthusiastic.

"YOU'RE TRYING TO TAKE OVER MY MIND WITH SUGARY TREATS!" Twilight screamed in horror. She started mumbling in a panic when she pulled a metal disc from her mane, fiddled with it using her magic, and then dropped it on the ground. "RUN AWAY, SPIKE!"

The baby dragon chased after Twilight with his mouth overstuffed with food that obscured his vision. A few seconds later, the disc exploded, but the mare didn't turn around. Both she and Spike kept rushing along until they crashed into Fluttershy, startling the birds rehearsing for the Summer Sun Celebration.

The unicorn started rolling on the ground, her legs flailing about. "No! The sugar got me! It's eating my bones!"

Spike continued to choke on his treats and plopped down onto his rear, preferring to try and ingest more than he was capable. When she realized nothing was wrong, Twilight got up and cleared her throat, preferring to act like nothing happened.

"Uh...Hello," She clenched her teeth and glared at the yellow pegasus. "FILTHY PEASANT PONY! I'm here to ask about the birds," she finished with a smile.

"..."

Twilight leaned forward. "What?"

"...y."

"WHAT?!"

"I'm Fluttershy," the pegasus managed to push out audibly.

There was a long, awkward silence. "WHAT?!" the unicorn shouted again.

Taken aback, the pegasus shied away and flew toward the birds, leaving Twilight alone. "Well, it looks like you had everything under control," the unicorn said. "Carry on!"

Next was the town hall where Princess Celestia would appear. The main hall was decorated to the brim with colorful banners and ribbons everywhere, not that Twilight noticed. She and Spike were fixated on the white unicorn choosing decorations for the celebration.

Spike started choking further on the treats still in his mouth. He started drooling on himself, his 'disguise' coated in apple jam and dragon spit. "Mmmm. Marshmallow," he wheezed.

"Hm?" the white unicorn said. "Oh! You must be here for the celebration!" She trotted forward and showed visible, extreme disgust at Spike. "Um, I'm Rarity," she said.

"Twilight," the lavender unicorn responded. She looked around and shrugged. "This looks fine," she stated dismissively.

The white unicorn gasped in shock. "Fine? Fine?! C'est de la haute couture, madame! Ce n'est pas juste 'fine'!" she complained.

Twilight's horn lit up and she pointed at Rarity. "She's speaking in tongues!" She grabbed Spike and pointed his mouth at the mare. "Escape plan 'Blaagh'!"

"Blaagh!" Spike said as he was squeezed.

Rarity was coated in a thick layer of pastry and spittle, much to her horror, while Twilight and Spike fled as fast as they could. The young dragon faceplanted against the door frame and fell down. He then got back up, shook his head, and did it again. He repeated this two more times before Twilight grabbed him with her magic and got away.

"I need reeeeest!" the mare said in a low and quiet voice. "Come, Spike. We must retreat to the secret lair!" Twilight opened the door and started to bump into things thanks to the sheer darkness within. "Spike! I cannot see!"

"Me neither! Wheeee!"

The dragon's cheer was quickly followed by the sound of crashing and something breaking.

"What was that?" Twilight asked.

She was flashbanged by the lights suddenly turning on and tons of ponies yelling 'surprise'.

"Hiya!" Pinkie greeted. "I threw this 'Welcome to Ponyville' Pinkie Pie party after meeting you! I thought 'hmmm. She seems lonely' and thought up the best way to--"

Twilight's attention started to wane as the pink mare kept droning on and on while the others celebrated and have fun watching Spike stuff his face with food. The lavender unicorn shoved some cake into the pony's face and fled to her room, exhausted.

"These ponies talk for so loooong!" she lamented. "Why do they-IT'S MORNING ALREADY?!" she shouted in shock.

Angry and tired, she went to the Town Hall, dragging Spike along with her to see the celebration take place. She couldn't wait to talk to the Princess about...stuff...and things. Maybe. She didn't know.

"-and I present to you, Princess Celestia!" an old glasses-wearing mare announced. As the curtains of the in-door balcony parted, everyone gasped. "Wh-where is Princess Celestia?"

Raucous laughter filled the room as a cloud of starry dust seeped in from the walls and congealed into the form of a black alicorn with cyan-colored reptilian eyes. "There is no more Princess Celestia!" she declared with more laughter.

Rainbow made to attack her but was stopped by Applejack holding onto her tail with her teeth.

"Oh? Do you not remember who I am?" the alicorn asked. "Did you not see the signs? Did you not read the tales abo--"

"Huh?!" Twilight shouted. She pointed a hoof at the intruder. "WHO ARE YOU?!" she interrupted.

The alicorn sputtered from the sudden interruption. "I am--"

"WHO ARE YOU?!"

"I AM-!"

"WHO ARE YOU?!"

The alicorn huffed and drooped down, exasperated. She stood back up and spoke with such strength and power that the windows of the town hall shattered and the ponies around went deaf.

"I AM NIGHTMARE MOON: THE MARE IN THE MOON, AND I AM HERE TO BRING ETERNAL NIGHT!" She glared down at the crowd standing before her, baring her fangs. "YOU SHOULD HAVE ENJOYED THE DAY WHILE IT LASTED, BECAUSE NOW, THE NIGHT. WILL LAST. FOREVER!" she cheered with more deafening laughter.

Twilight, who was looking elsewhere, bounced when she heard the alicorn laugh. "What? Could you repeat that? I wasn't listening."

The alicorn's eyes started to twitch and she felt like crushing everypony here while gritting her teeth. Instead, she dissolved into a cloud to cool her head.

"Hmmm. This unknown perpetrator seeks to do something to the pink pony's party," Twilight surmised.

The ponies around her visibly flinched at her conclusion.

"Wh-No, she said that--" Rainbow started. She was quickly interrupted by Twilight.

"No need to thank me at my obviously talented conclusions," the unicorn said proudly. "Now I must go find the Elements of Harmony in the old castle!" she announced.

Before Rainbow could add anything, the unicorn had already started galloping away.

"Hey, wait up!" Applejack shouted. "Ya cain't do this all alone, and what even are the Elements of Harmony?"

After much running, the six came upon a large forest blocking the way.

"Oh no. The Everfree forest," Rarity squeaked.

"Yes," Twilight said. "This obstacle of...brown pillars is blocking the way."

Applejack took in a deep breath. "Thems're trees," she explained very calmly. "No. Trees are blue."

"Huh?!"

"The castle must be through here," Twilight realized.

"Then I guess we have to go through i--" Pinkie started but was interrupted much like her friend.

"NONSENSE! I JUST HAVE TO DESTROY IT ALL!" Twilight charged her horn and laughed manically as she felt the magic focus within it.

Unbeknownst to the unicorn, a little butterfly, barely bigger than a foal's hoof, fluttered about, enjoying its life. Fluttershy was the first to spot and felt her heart melt at how cute she thought it was.

"Awww. Look! It's a butterfly!" she said softly.

It flew next to Twilight's glowing horn, pausing for a moment, then coughed. The sound was so quiet and the breeze it produced so imperceptible that no pony even noticed it.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I CAN'T CONTROL IT!" Twilight shouted in terror as a tree-sized beam of light shot from her horn. The mare started flying all over the place, her magic burning away large swathes of the land. "Spike! Help me!"

"Okay!" the baby dragon said seriously. He jumped on Twilight's back and hung onto her mane. "Wheeeeee! Yee haw!"

"That's not helping at aaaaaaaaaall!"

Twilight's voice grew increasingly quieter as her spell sent her flying through the air, deep into the forest. Applejack grumbled and her ears drooped.

"Well...let's go 'n get her Ah s'pose."

Rarity readjusted her mane. "At least she carved a path in the forest for us. Shouldn't be too hard to find our way to wherever she flew."

Twilight and Spike had broken through the roof of an old castle, landing in a room with an old fountain at its center holding up five gray orbs on small, extended podiums.

"I wasn't expecting that kind of entrance," Nightmare Moon realized.

"Huh?!" the unicorn shouted in surprise. She was quick to stand up and see both the alicorn and the orbs. "The Elements of Harmony!" she realized.

"Indeed," Nightmare agreed. "But I won't let you use the-Hey!"

Twilight had ignored her and grabbed the orbs with her magic. "The elements must be inside!" she declared.

Moon looked at her sideways. "What?!"

The unicorn smashed them against the ground, shattering all five into pieces. "Where's the elements?!"

Nightmare Moon laughed heartily. "You foal! Why did you destroy y--"

"YOU'RE HIDING THE REAL ONES SOMEWHERE!" Twilight accused.

Moon was caught off guard. "What? No, you--"

"Use your dragon powers to destroy her, Spike! Breathe fire!"

The tiny dragon took off his hood and ran to Nightmare Moon, the sudden screaming and the strange creature running towards her causing her brain to malfunction. Spike slammed his fists against his chest and took in a very deep breath, causing his chest to glow green, but instead of breathing fire, he burped loudly.

"Ow. My ears," Moon complained. "How crass."

Spike dropped onto his butt and rubbed his belly while groaning. "My tummy hurts. Oooo. I ate too much."

"That...That's what happens, yes," Moon agreed. "What is happening right now?"

"Oooo." Spike pulled out a piece of apple pie from his disguise. "Maybe more food will help," he said as he chomped down. The dragon immediately collapsed into a food coma.

The alicorn pursed her lips and looked around, confused. "Okay?" The alicorn was about to move forward that she started getting pelted by pieces of the elements. "Hey!" She raised a wing to shield herself.

"Take that! And that!"

"Stop that! That's mildly inconveniencing!"

"We found you at last, Nightmare Moon!" Rainbow Dash declared.

The alicorn snorted. "I had a whole thing planned out to delay you all, too," she complained. "Well, without the elements you can't do anything to me," she laughed.

Twilight rubbed her chin and started throwing the stones at the five newcomers as well.

"What are you doing?" Rarity complained. "That's very uncouth!"

"Oh. I thought you were with her," Twilight realized.

Pinkie giggled as she started to float. "Hey, I'm glowing!" she laughed.

"So am I!" Fluttershy exclaimed.

Rarity looked around in a panic and tried to get back to the floor. "So am I! We all are!"

The alicorn looked on in horror, unsure of what to do. "What is happening?!" Moon shouted.

Twilight started floating as well and laughed. "It's the Elements of Harmony!" she exclaimed. "THEY'REMEANTFORHARMING!"

Moon tried to protect herself with a shield of magic, but the rainbow engulfed her completely, leaving behind a frail, young alicorn mare. The five mares looked at each other gleefully and pointed excitedly at the windows when they saw the sun finally rise up once more.

Twilight's eyes widened in realization. "Yes. YES! With this power I can take on the sun!" she exclaimed. "It'll pay for thinking it's higher than me!" she grumbled.

"Oh, Twilight..." a voice groaned in exasperation.

Celestia had come in and saw Spike collapsed in a pile of food he had somehow hidden in his disguise while Twilight continued to declare her rivalry with the sun for some reason. She had even destroyed everything around her.

She got worse.

Author's Note

I decided to publish my non-pony books myself, accomplishing a dream I set out to do when I was 17. I currently only have Reverting Scales (book 1. Description below) out right now which you can get on Kindle for 5 dollars or in paperback for 12. If you can't or don't want to purchase it, I would be grateful if you could share it. I'm aiming for twenty sales before starting the second book. You can find it on every Amazon (I think. There's a lot of them. I linked them all).

The main character is a dragoness that starts out as a 'thing' developping in her egg and grows into a drake over the course of the story. It was partially inspired by Tui. T. Sutherland's Wings of Fire and E.E. Knight's Age of Fire books where dragons are the main characters.

Naydrus is a dragon born to immense parents who live with and serve humans. When the dragonling hatches, it is revealed that she doesn't look anything like her family and she has a passion for fighting. However, she also carries a deep hatred for the hominid 'caretakers'. This inspires her escape from the city through the sewer system and find other dragons that share her mindset. However, the world is a big place and very old. Much has happened and continues to happen without Naydrus being aware of it, causing her to cross paths with dangerous individuals and end up in hazardous locations.

You can find it through these links:

US Link
UK Link
DE Link
ES Link
IT Link
NL Link
PL Link
SE Link
JP Link
CA Link
AU Link

Giant Evil Bug Horse!

"Hmmm. Yes." Twilight said as she peered through the scope she had brought with her outside. "Ha ha! You can't burn my eyes this time!" she declared as she lowered the spyglass. "I've got sunglasses on," she said derisively. "Now why is it night time during the day?"

"Twilight, you can't just stare into the sun," Rarity said with worry. "You'll go blind!"

The lavender unicorn pointed aggressively at nothing. "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT SOMEPONY IN LEAGUE WITH THE SUN WOULD SAY!"

Spike clapped. "Loud noises are funny," he mused.

Pinkie laughed with him. "Yeah, they are!"

The two started laughing after each other, gradually increasing in volume until it looked like they were fighting to see who could laugh the loudest.

"WOULD YOU TWO SHUT UP?!" Rainbow bellowed angrily. "Why are you fighting over laughter?!" she asked. The pony and dragon shrugged, making Rainbow slowly bring her hooves forward, ready to wring their necks.

Ignoring Rainbow, Rarity took in Twilight's appearance. "Why are you holding up an umbrella?" Rarity asked Twilight. She stuck her tongue out in disgust. "Ugh, and a gaudy one at that. Autumn from two years ago. Heinous."

"Probably because the sun burns her," Rainbow teased. "She has to hide in her books."

Twilight glared at Rainbow, unnerving her, then swatted a bee away and smiled. "That's because they're spying on us! That's just a big window in the sky!" She lowered her umbrella and started yelling directly at the sun. "I see you up there, writing everything down! I'll get you yet!" She looked around for something to grab, found a teal foal, then launched him at the glowing orb with all the strength her magic can muster.

"She found out!" a glowing being of light and fire proclaimed to its comrades.

"What?"

They grabbed their confused fellow and shook them violently. "She knows what we're doing! We have to bail!" It turned to the huge crowd gathering around them. "Destroy everything! We have to run from here! Burn all the documents and paperwork!"

The second creature looked down at their body then at all the fire and light around them. They were perplexed. "How are we meant to burn everything when we're made of fire?"

The child slammed into them, knocking them out, and sent the now-black foal plummeting back down to Equestria. Both were given just the barest of glances from the panicked being that started the entire...panic.

Twilight smirked at the sun. "Thanks to this new spell I've devised, I'll be able to float into the sky and punch the sun in its stupid face! WON'T BE SO BRIGHT THEN!"

The unicorn's spell went off, and she awaited eagerly to rise up. Instead, most objects and food around started to float instead.

"Oh dear," Fluttershy worried. She approached Twilight and poked her shoulder. "Um, Twilight, your spell isn't working right," she told the unicorn.

"WHAT?! YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SPEAK UP! MY EYES ARE CLOSED!"

Fluttershy's brain shorted out. "What do your eyes have to do with that?"

Ponies in Ponyville were also suffering from the effects of the mare's spell, confusing many and angering others that triued to bring everything back down. One colt was enjoying his ice cream when it started rising from his cone.

"No! Not my ice cream! Get back here! Hey! Hey! Get back! No!" he yelled at the icy treat ignoring his blurtings. "Hey! Hey! No! No! Not my ice cream! Aaaaah!" he kept yelling.

The adults nearby stared at him not trying to just grab it. It had barely risen from the cone by a few centimeters that the colt was acting like it was high in the sky.

Twilight snorted as she realized her spell wasn't working. "Bah! I just need to recalibrate it is all," she said as she disabled the spell.

Sadly, her spell had a side effect: Making all the food swell to seventeen times their original size. The five other mares and Spike looked at the salads, pies, and sandwiches fall down from the sky, protecting them from the evil sun's light.

"Why're we friends with her again?" Applejack asked.

Rainbow Dash looked at the farm pony with an apathetic expression. "Friends?"

Ponyville was envelopped in food as were the seven picnicking. Spike poked his head out from the salad, his face green under his disguise.

"Oooo. I don't think I should've eaten that ranch-dressing apple pie," he moaned.

"That what?!" Applejack exclaimed under a sandwich.

The dragon burped out a parchment that Twilight grabbed from the air in her magic.

"Ooo. A letter," she mused. "Celestia is finally giving me the resources I need to take down the sun!" Her 'friends' freed themselves from their predicament and cleaned themselves off as they saw Twilight's face turn from glee to disinterest. "Bah! Just something about a wedding. Go ahead and eat it, Spike!"

The dragon hopped happily toward the letter when the lavender unicorn chucked it over her shoulder, but Rarity was quick to grab it from the air and hold Spike down with a hoof. He tried to reach out to grab the letter but failed and drooped.

"Awww. The marshmallow won't let me eat the cookie..." the dragon lamented.

Rarity took several deep breaths, trying to prevent herself from exploding in anger. "Deep breaths, Rarity. Deep breaths." She unfurled the letter and started reading it, her face sparkling with glee. "There's a marriage in Canterlot between Shining Armor and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza."

Twilight poked her head through a cake. "Shining Armor?" She paused, then hid back into the pastry. "Don't know him."

"Uuuuh, isn't he your brother?" Spike asked.

The unicorn burst out of the pastry, pointing menacingly at Spike. "YOU'RE LYING!" She shrunk under the gaze of the other five and slowly looked away. "No. Wait. You're right."

Rarity took several seconds to recover. "Uhh, well, yes. It says that we're being chosen to host the marriage ceremony..."

The wind had flown out her sails. She wondered why she even talked to Twilight at this point.

Spike's eyes sparkled. "Do we get to go on the choo choooooo?" he asked.

"Yeahfinewhatever," Twilight said dismissively as she plunged back into the cake.

"Says here she's marrying a 'Princess Mi Amore Cadenza'," Rarity continued. "Huh. I wonder who that is."

"Uh huh," Twilight said in her new hiding spot.

"And we'll be going to Canterlot!"

Twilight gasped and choked on the cake she just inhaled, gagging and rolling around in the cake as she choked. Celestia was certain to grant her everything she needed to take out the sun!

"To the Almighty Princess!" Twilight shouted.

Rarity shook her head. "Twilight, we'll need time to prepare. Clothing and personal hygiene, for one."

"Not ta mention gettin' all the supplies 'n plannin' fer everythin' ready," Applejack added.

"TOO LONG! GO NOW!" Twilight blurted. In a bright flash of light, all six ponies and Spike ended up in Canterlot Castle having landed on several guards by accident. Twilight casually stood up from the pile while the other mares groaned, dizzy from the teleportation spell. "Good thing we landed on something soft."

Twilight's 'friends' groaned as they waddled off the pile they landed on and realized they had crushed several guards in the courtyard and a few nobles.

The unicorn brushed herself off and, with a smiled, hopped off the injured ponies. "And no pony was hurt," she stated matter-of-factly.

"What about them?" Spike asked.

Twilight shrugged after looking at the injured. "Those aren't ponies," she said snidely.

"Twilight!" Applejack shouted in indignation. She and the others helped the ponies up, attempting to learn of their well-being. "Ah swear, that mare is just plum pear!"

"She is quite cruel at times," Rarity said.

"I...don't think she's doing it on purpose," Fluttershy said softly. "She just seems..." she twirled a hoof at the side of her head.

"Is he okay?" Rainbow asked.

Five sets of eyes gradually turned to face Spike standing in place, unblinking and unmoving.

"Is he breathin'?" Applejack wondered. "Y'all okay there little dragon guy?" she asked Spike. The dragon fell over, face-planting into the ground, inciting the confusion and odd disgust by the farm pony and a muffled gasp by Fluttershy.

After ensuring the ponies were recovering well, Rarity waved the event off. "He does that sometimes. Don't worry about him," she sighed. "He'll pop up next to you without you noticing," she reassured them.

Applejack cast several glances over her shoulder, unsure of what to make of the situation. The castle was decorated with rows of white and purple flowers everywhere. They hung from chandeliers, made up statues of unknown ponies, dangled from banners and ribbons arcing over columns and hoof rails, and reflected off the polished, dark-gray marble that made up the floors.

"Princess Celestia!" Rarity shouted in delight. She bowed before the princess. "It's an honor."

The other five followed suite, but Twilight pouted in the corner, and Celestia's face almost melted. Applejack recognized it far too well: A mare completely exhausted with the behavior of her child and had all but given up.

"I'm not letting you blow up the sun, Twilight," the princess explained monotonously.

"Gna gna gna," the lavender unicorn mumbled.

"Hi, Princess!" Spike waved a hand.

Save Rarity, the other four mares screamed in shock, and Applejack ended up in Rainbow's forelegs, her bulky body dragging the lithe pegasus down.

"Too...heavy!" Rainbow struggled to get out.

The pink pony spun around Spike, trying to get a better handle on him. "How'd you do that?"

"I walked!" Spike exclaimed.

"But no pony heard you! Even I need to wear my patented silly shoes with comfy Pink Cotton™ to muffled my steps!"

Spike stared at her silently for a few seconds until drool started running down his chin. "I walked!"

Rarity used her magic to levitate Pinkie Pie away. She was quickly patted down by Rarity like she was a very dusty vase that needed cleaning. "Don't think about it, Pinkie. Even you will have trouble with them."

Celestia coughed. "Anyway, here's Shining Armor and Princess Cadance."

The white stallion decked in blue armor stepped forward and seemed shocked to see the ponies before him. "Twilight? I wasn't told that anypony had reached the magic dome," he said. "How did you get here without us knowing?"

"I walked!" Spike exclaimed gleefully.

Rarity groaned. "We were teleported in here by Twilight's spell," the unicorn explained.

"So you're telling me your dome can just be teleported through?" a feminine voice asked. Even though it sounded playful, there was a hint of acid behind every vocal vibration.

The five mares gasped in shock and bowed. Before them stood a pink alicorn bedazzled in a layered dress, with every scale of white separated by a twirled arc of gold. Upon her brow sat a crown of white and teal flowers interwoven by the stems that also acted as a hairpin to keep her long mane of pink, purple, and cream curled up on the sides and fashioned into a bun on the back of her neck.

"Oh my," Rarity said with glittering eyes. "You have a gorgeous shade of pink fur."

"Oh ho, why...uh, thank you," Cadance stammered nervously.

"Heeeey!" The pink party pony stomped next to Rarity in a huff. "You never said that about my coat!"

She seemed appalled when Rarity looked away and raised a hoof at her. "I'm sorry, Pinkie, but you have a deep pink coat. Hers is fluorescent pink. They simply don't compare."

Pinkie compared the two's coat colors, leaving her even more perplexed. Weren't they the same?

Shining looked at his sister angrily jotting down something in a notebook, he saw her pull out of her mane. Mostly likely something about blowing up the sun again.

"Cadance..." he started nervously. The stallion's heart was beating at ten miles a minute. He never felt as nervous speaking to his wife as he did with introducing his bizarre sister. "I think you remember my little sister, Twilight."

"Oh. Oh!" She nodded frantically. "Y-yes! Of course! Twilight! How could I forget?"

Applejack noticed the princess' stance was too stoic and drilled to belong to a dainty royal mare, but she ignored her suspicions that Cadance had a military background. Talking with Twilight was always taxing.

"Ah, Twilight. I'm so glad to meet you...again! It's been so long," Cadance said nervously. "How have you been?"

"I walked!" Spike shouted.

Shining pointed to him and looked at the other five. "Why does he keep saying that?" He was met with shrugs.

"Rarity told me not to think about it." Pinkie gleamed playfully.

"What is it?" Twilight asked aggressively. "Can't you see I'm in the middle of calculations t-Ah! Evil pony!" Cadance was taken aback by the sudden accusation. "Spike, get over here, quick!" Twilight shouted. She pulled a white ball from her mane. "Time to use my super secret spell! A smoke bomb!" When she threw it at the ground with her magic, it bounced and smacked Cadance between the eyes, throwing her to the ground. Twilight stared at the scene half-heartedly, a hoof to her mouth. "Spike! What happened to my smoke balls? I told you to pack them!"

"I did! I gave you the small gray things! There were even lots outside, so I took those instead and left yours at home."

"What?" Twilight pulled another one out and examined it. "These are rocks, you nincompoop!" She shifted in place, hopping from hoof to hoof nervously. "Quickly! Use the most disgusting and vile substance known to ponykind!"

Twilight turned tail and ran up the spiral staircase from an opening beneath the main entrance's leading to the second floor. Spike tilted his head over and a flood of white, stinky substances flooded from his mouth, coating the floor and disgusting everypony present.

"Ha ha ha!" Spike gurgled as the flood came from his mouth. "I eated all the cheese!"

He waddled after Twilight, still puking up the cheese he got from sources unknown, leaving everypony behind.

One guard wandered by and immediately smiled. "Oh boy! Is that Cheese from a goat's stomach? I missed this so much!" he squeed. "But why is it on the floor?" The ponies cast him a death glare. "What? Am I the only one worried it'll dirty the cheese?"

During the preparations for the wedding, Twilight and Spike did their best attempts to sabotage everything to chase off the evil pink thing. She cursed the cakes and treats so they would eat the one holding them, but only the baker got devoured after Cadance walked away. Another failure. Coincidentally, several castle employees went missing the same day.

Then came the decorations. She had laser spells hidden in the flowers being used. They would unleash the beams during the ceremony when they would bloom. At least, that's what would have happened if Rarity hadn't interrogated Twilight and made the mare learn that the flowers wouldn't bloom for another week or so. Another bust.

She had even snuck in a banshee bird into the chorus of the bird orchestra. A gigantic, semi-transparent blue bird that looked like a melted vulture with a giant beak and teeth dangling from it for some odd reason. Twilight didn't have time to think about the ramifications of biological redundancies, but she wrote down to slap whoever the creator of life was for that travesty, after the sun. The bird's eyes were wild, and its body shook nervously amidst the tinier, very nervous birds. Everything was ready! But it didn't wail when Cadance waited, and Fluttershy flew up to it to reassure it.

"Oh come on!" Twilight threw her forelegs in the air. "It has stage fright! You'd think that creepy salespony in the dark alleyway that no pony could see into would be trustworthy!" She turned to Spike. "They've never done anything wrong!"

The dragon snapped his fingers. "I knew we should have asked the guys in the sewers!" He giggled and raised his hand.

The lavender unicorn rolled her eyes and fixed his snapped fingers with her magic. "I'll trap her during the marriage! In front of everypony! Genius!"

Everypony watched as Shining and Cadance stood before Celestia on a white podium overlooked by immense windows letting in an illuminating glare upon the various plants decorating the walls and the many chairs the guests sat on. The statues had been removed from the tiles floors, as were the paintings from the white walls given life by the colorful vines breaking the monotony brought on by the sterile wallpaper. Pinkie was partaking in the buffet, devouring treats by the mouthful.

Smiling warmly, Celestia opened her mouth to start the vows when Spike flew through through one of the windows, a dumb smile on his face and stiff like a statue as he collided with the sitting guests, with Twilight coming in after him.

"I obj--" Twilight was caught in the red curtains pulled to the sides of the windows and turned into a ponyrito very briefly. "I object!" she proclaimed. "She's an evil horse!" The mare ripped the curtains apart with her magic. "And I can prove it!" Twilight hurried over to the pink alicorn and grabbed on her face. "This face is fake!"

"Ow! Twilight!" Cadance exclaimed.

The guests gasped in shock at the unicorn's behavior.

"Twilight! Get off of her!" Shining shouted furiously. His hood stomped on the ground, nearly breaking the tiles. "Why aren't you doing anything?" he asked Celestia. He was taken aback by the alicorn looking like she had left her body, looking for better venues of life.

"Quick, Spike! Help me pull her face off!" Twilight demanded.

Spike climbed off his victims, horrifying them to know that the 'statue' that had fallen on them was still alive. He started swinging on the pink alicorns mane, laughing all the while, until Celestia finally intervened and pried the two off her niece.

"Twilight, your eccentricities have gone too far this time!" the white alicorn bellowed furiously.

Her student narrowed her eyes, her mouth slightly open. "My extended warranties?"

"No. She said your extra manatees," Spike corrected with a nod.

Twilight looked at him then her teacher with wide eyes. "But I don't have any manatees."

"Get out!" the alicorn bellowed using the Royal Canterlot Voice.

"Fine." The mare stood up and chased some grime out of her coat. "I know when everypony has become jealous of my keen detective skills. Come on, Spike. Let's utilize our expertise elsewhere!"

She left in a huff, with Spike sliding after her somehow. While the guests and the couple were baffled at the sight, the other element holders and Celestia were unfazed by the whole display.

"I'll go talk to her," Cadance told Shining. "I'm sure she's tired or overwhelmed. She might think I’m taking her brother away from her."

"No, I don't think that's why," both Shining and Celestia said at the same time.

"Still, I should try and get through to her," Cadance said.

"Good luck getting anything but vomit out from under that sawdust pile," Celestia grunted.

"Twilight!" Cadance called out. She had found her waiting in the guest room, staring out of the window. "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to bury the hatchet between us," Cadance said warmly.

"Oh?"

Twilight shivered when she was forcefully teleported into a cave full of glowing crystals bigger than a house.

"By teleporting you where you'll never be found, you freak!" Cadance shouted. "I've never met anypony as horrible as you!" Twilight's eyes gradually narrowed the more the alicorn spoke. "I'll be glad to be rid of you, and your little dragon, too, but first I'm going to finish draining your brother and expose Canterlot!"

"Are you flirting with me?" Twilight asked.

The gleeful atmosphere coming from the false Cadance immediately shattered, leaving the alicorn breathless. "What? How did you even get that from what I just-gh! I'm not dealing with this. Rot down here and stop bothering me."

In a flash of green light, Twilight was left behind. "Well, it's nice of her to give me a vacation. I've been needing one."

The unicorn took in a deep breath and started exploring the caves, thinking she might have forgotten something. If you forgot something, then clearly it wasn't important enough to be remembered, right? After a few minutes, she came upon a disheveled Cadance crying next to a corner.

"Cadance?" Twilight asked.

The alicorn immediately spun around, but her expression of relief was immediately replaced by horror and despair. "Twilight? How did you find me down here?"

"You brought me here."

"No I didn't."

"But you just left. You're marrying Shining."

"I was supposed to, but he's up there with an impostor."

There was a pause before Twilight spoke again. "But how can you be doing that when you're down here with me."

"Because that...monster isn't me! She's an impostor!" Cadance exclaimed with an outstretched foreleg.

She watched the unicorn stroke a nonexistent beard. "But how are you doing that when you're down here?"

Cadance screamed, exasperated. "We're trapped down here and I have to deal with you?!"

"We could just leave," Twilight suggested. "With my super-duper new spell!"

Her horn immediately started glowing, prompting Cadance to grab onto her. The alicorn hung onto Twilight for dear life, too afraid to speak. She either kicked the bucket in the caves or with Twilight's spell. At least this way would be faster.

"SUPER TELEPORTY SPELL...Y!" Twilight proclaimed.

A loud explosion rocked the wedding when Twilight and Cadance shot through the ground, sending the actual Cadance to Shining's hooves and Twilight into the wall.

When the unicorn got back onto her hooves, she moved about in a clumsy stupor. "You talked too much and distracted me from casting my spell."

"Shining, that isn't me!" the real Cadance declared before him and her impostor.

The fake Cadance rolled her eyes and removed her disguise, revealing herself to be a gigantic equine with black, chitinous flesh, long kelp-like mane and tail, semi-transparent pale-blue wings, and an immense, crooked horn glowing green. Declaring herself as the queen of the changelings, Chrysalis confronted everypony present, cast Shining into another stupor, then managed to overpower Celestia with some effort, leaving her wounded on the floor with a smoldering horn.

Chrysalis cackled evily. "All that love from this repulsive pony has made me stronger than your precious princess," she said. She trotted over Celestia to get a better look at Cadance. "And it's all thanks to you and this stupid 'love' you all created." She chuckled quietly and pointed to the dome outside. "When I drain Shining of the last of his love, my hive will be able to invade and gather all the food they need!"

The tension was lessened when a loud, long gasp overtook Chrysalis' voice. Eyes slowly turned to the side to see Twilight pointing at the changeling queen.

"I was wrong! She wasn't a giant evil bug horse! It was worse!" Twilight's brow furrowed and she scowled. "It was a black mold cheese pony," she said in a deep and somber tone.

"...What?" Chrysalis blurted.

She squeaked when two white hooves grabbed her and folded her in two before launching her out the window and taking the other bugs with her.

"Well. That could have been a whole fight scene with Canterlot invaded and ending in a climactic event that would cement a relationship," Celestia said with a smile.

"Why would you say it like that?" Rainbow asked.

"As for you, Twilight," the alicorn started. "If it weren't for your stu-abras-I mean, your creativity, I never would have been able to fold Chrysalis and send her flying."

The unicorn in question put a hoof to her chin. "But, I thought folding somepony was just an expr--"

"Sent her flying really far. We'll never see her again," Celestia insisted.

The whole room was silent. Everything had been damaged and confusion abounded, but Cadance was able to help Shining recover and get back on his hooves just in time since the protective dome was petering out. Celestia stood on the platform with the couple, looking proud of herself. Things could have gone worse because of Twilight, but this time--

"I walked!" Spike exclaimed suddenly.

"Oh sh--"

Startled by the tiny creature appearing next to her foreleg from nowhere, Celestia stumbled backwards and fell out of the window, landing on the ground a story below. Twilight hurried over to the place of defenestration and leaned over the ledge.

With a tinge of worry, Twilight called out to her teacher. "Celestia!" she started. "Can I have a new telescope? Mine is too small!"

Author's Note

Thar we are. Second chapter. We'll see if I go to Discord and the others from there. All depends on the reactions to this chapter.

Gonna just pop this in here in case you want something more serious with a bunch of horrific mutant monsters: Magilytic. It's a post-apocalyptic world after a magic-eating virus destroyed everything and caused magic fallout which mutated a swathe of beings, ponies included, in Equestria into monstrous beasts. Astral has to navigate the toxic landscape devoid of unicorns and any properly usable magic to find the blueprints for a machine that can get the rest of her family out of the pocket dimension they were trapped in so long ago, and only Celestia can help them now.

If it gets some attention I'm more than willing to uncancel it. I worked a lot to make the world and the monsters as detailed and horrific as possible. I know this is a weird plug considering the nature of this story, but why not?