It was another peaceful late morning in Canterlot, ponies were going about their daily chores, working away in their jobs, and who knows what else, Anon and Rainbow Dash however had decided to ignore the sun's call to wake up, in favour of sleeping in.
At least until Rainbow rolled out of bed and mumbled something about an appointment, she probably didn’t mumble it, but with Anon still mostly asleep he didn’t catch exactly what she said. He did at least ask if she wanted him to go with her, but Rainbow declined so before she'd even left his flat, Anon had drifted back to sleep.
Just under two months ago, he and Rainbow had started dating, it didn’t feel that much different from what they were doing before at first, they’d get food, watch movies, and drink ciders, business as usual. At least it was until one cider too many ended with Rainbow waking up in Anon's bed. He honestly didn’t think they’d go that far that fast, and neither did Dash, but the Apple families best had a habit of making the two more honest about their feelings, and apparently, their desires.
Now Rainbow spent more nights in Canterlot than Ponyville, even with their mismatched work patterns, they’d still managed to make time for one another, Rainbow would fly to Ponyville, save the world and a few picnics, before returning to Canterlot, and admiring the progress Anon had made to his future store, fingers made short work of DIY. In the evening, Rainbow would perch atop one of Anon's cabinettes, and keep her human company while he worked into the evening before the pair would get food and retire for the night, it was a simple life, but they both wouldn't ask for anything different.
The Moon Cove Cafe, soon to be Canterlots first late-night coffee shop. While ponies for the last millennium preferred to spend their time in the sun, the last few generations had seen a gradual shift towards nocturnal activities. With the return of Princess Luna, Anon could see that the Canterlot nightlife was about to kick off in full swing, how could it not with DJ Pon3 opening her first club in the city? Naturally, he needed to find capital for his business, and so Anon, in the finest suit Rarity had ever crafted, partitioned Princess Luna for a loan, while he had succeeded in getting the loan, the price he'd paid for the suit would most certainly be a problem later.
A noise disturbed the mostly asleep Anon, as he rolled over to try to find the warm soft pony he’d grown accustomed to sleeping beside, the door to his room opened slowly, with an almost eerie creak. Cracking an eye to see who dared disrupt his sleep, he was surprised to see Rainbow standing in his doorway, in the back of his mind, something was telling him that the look on his mare friend's face was a problem.
“H-Hey Anon, I err, I’m Pregnant.”
****************
Anon had always prided himself on being a rational person, so when he heard the last thing he thought he’d ever hear he landed in Equestria, but he didn’t do anything stupid, he just looked stupid as he bolted upright and looked at his marefriend in dumbfounded shock.
…
“Oh, err, Pregnant?”
“Yeah.”
“You?”
“Apparently”
“Mine?” Anon squeaked.
Rainbow blushed and averted her eyes, as Anon's heart began to sink.
“There’s never been anypony, or creature else you dufus.”
…
‘How was this possible? How could …’ Anon thought to himself before he took a second to rationalise his situation. He’d been stuck in Equestria, a magical land of talking, flying, and magic-slinging ponies for a year, a land whose leaders controlled the sun and moon. If the cakes, two earth ponies, could have unicorn and pegasi foals, why couldn’t he? He was dating a pony who slept on clouds, occasionally lived in a cloud, and cleared clouds for a living.
‘Would it be more strange if I couldn’t have kids? … Would they be foal kids? Kid kids? Foal/kid … human pony … foids?’
No, that was stupid, but with his thoughts coming at him faster than he could process, he decided that he needed to at least get some proper thinking done.
“R-right, yes, right. Can I err, get a few minutes? Clean up and s-stuff?” Anon stuttered.
“Yeah, I'll be on the couch,” said Rainbow, who left, closing the door to his room behind her.
Now alone, Anon slowly got up, fumbled around for some clothes and visited the bathroom. After a quick wash, Anon was relatively refreshed, yet as the room began to spin, only one action seemed like a good choice.
A few minutes later, Rainbow knocked on the door.
“Hey, Anon, you ok?”
Silence was the only reply, so she slowly opened the door, stuck her head into the human’s room, and saw the open window.
“Oops.”
****************
Anon was usually a rational person, and to his credit, as he sat semi-hyperventilating in Canterlot Park, he had picked up a few things to help. The first, was his wallet, he wasn’t going to be able to get through the next few hours stone-cold sober, so by his side was a second bottle of cider, (regrettably not Apple family), the second item, and by far the more sensible, was a book he had been gifted.
When he decided to remain in Equestria and told Princesses Celestia and Luna about his decision, he also admitted to them that he and Rainbow had begun a relationship, then he assumed he was about to die, as an ear-splitting screech emanated throughout the castle, stunning even the millennia-old princesses, as a pink projectile tackled Anon to the floor.
“TELL ME EVERYTHING!” Said a half-crazed princess of love in the royal Canterlot voice.
What followed, was a slight telling-off, well wishes, and a book from Cadence herself, which, if he wrote in said book, would send a message to Cadence, to be used if he had any love-related questions, and while he’d never needed to write to the princess before, this was something he couldn’t do alone.
So Anon, between sips of cider, wrote everything into the book, and he had to admit, by the time he’d finished writing, he felt a lot better. He had a long way to go, he didn’t know if he and Dash would work out in the long term, but he certainly hoped they would. He didn’t know if they’d be good parents, but the thought that he’d have a family, a little hybrid of him and Rainbow to provide for, and come home brought warmth to his heart, especially since he thought he’d never have one.
He could do this!
Standing up, Anon steeled himself, he was going to do this, but before he could set off back home, Cadence's book began to glow and vibrate … Magic was weird. Sitting back down, Anon reached for the book and flicked to the page after his message, and sure enough, in elegant pink ink was the princess's reply.
Hi Anon,
Cadence here, I’m happy to hear that you and Rainbow Dash are getting along together, and can only hope the two of you continue to do so, I also hope you can forgive Rainbow Dash for this.
From what I’ve learnt from my Step Sister, Twilight Sparkle, and judging from the date, I’m sorry but it is unlikely Rainbow is pregnant with your foal.
I don’t know if you are aware, but today is the first of April, or as some ponies call it, April Foals Day, I suspect Rainbow is pranking you.
I hope you can forgive her, and find the fun in this someday.
If you ever want to have foals of your own, please get in touch, while I can’t promise, there are methods for different species to have children together.
Regards
Cadence
’Oh Shit’ Anon thought to himself, he hadn’t even considered that today was the first of the month, heck he didn’t even realise ponies would have the same silly transition.
Anon chuckled to himself, Rainbow had gotten him real good, and while it hurt that he wouldn’t be having a kid after all, Cadence's words about the possibility gave him some hope.
But now what to do with Rainbow?
Anon began to laugh to himself, then broke into pure maniacal cackling, two could play at this game.
****************
Rainbow had begun to get worried, she even began to question if her joke had gone a little too far, surely he’d remember the date soon enough and realise it was a prank, right?
It wasn’t until an hour later that Rainbow remembered, Anon wasn’t from Equestria, and maybe, April Foals Day wasn’t a thing in his homeland, foals weren’t even a large part of his old world, what else would they call it? April Childs Day?
Rainbow was about to head out and look for the wayward human when a knock came from the apartment's front door, which then opened to reveal a very happy, and slightly drunk Anon.
“Anon, hey I ..”
“Dashie! Oh, I’m so sorry for leaving in such a rush, but there is just so much we need to get done!” Exclaimed Anon.
“Wha?” was all Rainbow Dash could day before Anon continued.
“With the foal on the way, I realised I have to step up, from where I come from, a man needs to take responsibility, and so Rainbow Danger Dash,” Anon said confidently, as he reached into his pocket and got down onto one knee. “Will you marry me?”
With those words, Anon produced a box and opened it to reveal a cheap, but very real, engagement band.
In shock, Rainbow’s wings shot open, preparing her for flight or fight, she was beginning to panic.
“Oh, eh-eh, ju- I- water!” Stuttered Dash, as she bolted into the kitchen.
Passing the tap, she dove into the fridge grabbed a bottle of cider, and quickly drank the entire thing.
‘He can’t be serious, marriage? Where had that come from!? They’d only been dating two months, there was no way they could … wait a minute.’
Rainbow threw the empty bottle of cider in the bin and tried to recall the last minute. Anon had practically burst into the apartment and proposed to her, Anon enthusiastically burst into the apartment, Anon proposed to her, with a big grin, that even made his eyes look like they were smiling, as if he was up to something, and he never called her "Dashie" … He knew! That sneaky human knew she was pranking him and was trying to turn it back onto her.
She grabbed another cider from the fridge, and drank it only slightly slower than the previous one, if Anon wanted to play this game, then that was fine, but no way in Tartarus was she about to lose.
****************
It was another peaceful late morning in Canterlot, ponies were going about their daily chores, working away at their jobs, and who knows what else, Anon and Rainbow Dash however were hiding under the duvet, the light hurt and every noise was torture to their ears.
That was until Anon rolled out of bed and mumbled something about something, but Rainbow still felt like death so she didn’t catch exactly what he said.
“Rainbow, wake up, we have a problem.”
“Wha? Can it wait till later?” Rainbow moaned.
After a few moments, Anon gulped and double-checked the certificates in his hands, before he spoke “Dash, we’re married.”
Now Dash was wide awake, “Wa What!?”
“I found this on the table, There’s even a photo of us at the altar, we’re legally married.”
“No, no no, nonononononono that can’t be possible.” Croaked Rainbow, wincing from her sore throat.
She launched herself out of bed and immediately regretted it. Everything, including the room spun, and her stomach lurched. One bathroom trip later, Rainbow and Anon were drinking coffee on the couch together, looking over their marriage license, nursing their hangovers, and piecing their memories of last night together.
In an ever-escalating game of trying to make the other break, they’d somehow ended up in Los Pegasus, but there was one question neither of them could answer, “What kind of corrupt officiary would have let two drunk creatures get married in the first place?”
****************
In the Crystal Empire, Cadence giggled to herself, it was a shame that a marriage in her name was no longer valid if performed outside of the Empire.
Author's Note
Happy April 1st everyone!
