I watched, breathless, as Twilight Sparkle took on Trixie Lulamoon for the second time. All the foals in Ponyville were here. I tapped my hooves anxiously. Twilight needed to win.
Rainbow Dash was zapped with a beam of magic, creating two of her. Trixie’s jaw dropped.
“How did you…?”, she asked, astonished.
“Duplication spell”, Twilight said. “Ever see one pony play ten instruments?”, she continued while zapping Pinkie Pie. Pinkie Pie, now with ten instruments, burst into a one-man band performance. “Ooh, one more.”, Twilight said. “I can turn a mare into a stallion.”
This is where my own jaw dropped. I looked at Applejack’s stallion form. And I wished, so hard, that Twilight had instead chosen a volunteer from the audience to perform her spell on. I wished that she had chosen me. More things happened. I guess Trixie was defeated. I wasn’t really paying attention. I was lost inside my own mind.
Ponies started to disperse from the dueling ground, and I followed. Truffle came up to talk to me.
“Hey Twist! What did you think of that sweet magic, huh?”, he said.
Any other day I would have been delighted to chat with him. But now… I faked a yawn. “You know, I’m really tired… I’m gonna head home. We can talk tomorrow, ‘kay?”. I tried to sound as sleepy as possible. Truffle nodded and said, “See you tomorrow Twist!” I headed home.
My parents were coming home from the magic duel at about the same time. I muttered to them that I needed to get to sleep, and they wished me good night as I headed to my room. I didn’t sleep. I laid awake on my bed, thinking about memories. And about one memory in particular.
Miss Cheerilee had told us she was holding a spelling bee to help us all learn our vocabulary words. She had made it fillies versus colts. I had competed with the fillies, but it had felt weird. Wrong. As soon as I got home, I had a question for my parents. “What makes a filly a filly? What makes a colt a colt?”
My parents looked at each other. “Well, some ponies are born fillies and some are born colts. That’s just how it is.”, Mom said.
But that wasn’t my only question. I then asked the question I really wanted to ask. “Can… can a filly become a colt?”
Dad shook his head. “No, Twist. That’s just not natural.”
“Wherever are you getting these crazy ideas from?”, Mom asked.
“I was just wondering…”, I mumbled.
Then Dad said, “Now, my little filly, you should head outside and play! You’re wasting daylight!” I headed outside, and that was the end of that.
Except… it wasn’t. Because it can be done. With magic. And magic is as natural a part of Equestria as the birds in the sky and the grass in the fields. If magic can do it, than it surely must be natural. I know what my parents would say. Earth Ponies don’t mess with magic. But it can be done. And that fact, the fact that my dream might come true, it filled me with joy. So much joy.
I waited until I was sure everypony else was asleep. Then I lit a lantern and rummaged around in my school saddlebag until I found a notebook. I drew my future self. My stallion self. I would still have my trademark curly red hair of course. And my sand-colored coat. I would probably still have glasses, but they would be a more masculine shape. I drew my sharp jawline, my big manly muscles, my strong hooves. I drew until I couldn’t draw anymore.
The next thing I remember was Mom rapping her hoof on my door. “Twist? Twist! Come on, you have to get to school! You’re usually up much earlier than this!”
It was morning? Already? Was I really up all night drawing? I shoved my stuff into my school saddlebag and rushed out the door.
“Don’t you want breakfast?”, Mom called to me.
“Not hungry!”, I called back. It was true. I was too tired to be hungry.
I met up with Truffles on the way to school. We talked about books we had read recently, recipes we wanted to try, anything at all, really. He said he’d been reading a really interesting book on the history of Equestria that I should try, and he wanted to have me over to try his new pasta salad. It felt good to talk to Truffles. I thought about how much better it would feel to talk to him after the transformation. After my greatest dream had been realized.
I headed into class and took my seat, already feeling exhausted. I tried my best to focus on my schoolwork. I really did. But what I would do tonight was more important. Miss Cheerilee caught me sleeping in class multiple times. She reprimanded me, saying, “Twist! You’re usually one of my best students! What’s gotten into you?” But I had to be well-rested if I was going to see Twilight. She had to see me at my best if she was going to help me.
When I got home, I fed my parents the line I had been practicing all day. “Hey! Mom! Dad! Can me and Truffle go downtown together? I have money!”
“Sure, sweetheart.”, Dad said.
“Just stay safe!”, Mom reminded me.
I left, pleased at how easy that was. I would come home to them a new pony. I headed to the Golden Oak Library, where Twilight lives. I knocked on the door. “Come in!”, came a voice.
I stepped inside and saw the pony herself. The famous Twilight Sparkle, Element of Harmony. “I… I… I’m Twist… and I was wondering… if you could do one of your spells for me.”, I managed to get out. Gosh, I was embarrassing myself.
“Sure. Which one?”, Twilight replied.
“The one from the magic duel. With Trixic. Where… where you turned Applejack into a stallion. I want that.”
Twilight Sparkle looked at me. Then she laughed. Laughed. “That spell… I can’t actually do that. I painted Big Mac to look like Applejack and then did a teleportation spell. You didn’t think I could actually do that, did you? What did you need it for, anyway? To prank someone?” Anger filled me up. If I was in a comic strip, there would be smoke coming out of my ears. I was ready to blow.
“You LIED!”, I screamed at her. “You LIAR!” I was crying now. Big ugly tears that dripped down my face. “You gave me so much hope… and it was all a FAKE!”
Twilight was looking confused. “I don’t understand-“, she tried to say.
“I guess Trixie really IS more powerful than you!” Then I turned tail and ran back home. Ran anywhere else .
I slammed the door open and stormed to my room, tears still streaming down my face. I curled myself into a ball and hugged a pillow. I guess Dad was right. It wasn’t natural. I was a filly. A filly who would someday grow up into a mare. What was wrong with me that that felt so wrong? I opened my notebook. The one with all the drawings of stallion me. And I started tearing out pages. Eventually shreds of paper were scattered around me.
My mom knocked, then opened the door. “Get out!”, I yelled at her.
“I’m so sorry honey, but I wanted to make sure you were okay. What’s making you so angry?” Then she saw one of my shreds of paper. It was torn, but still intact enough for her to tell what it was. “Why did you draw this?” She looked at me. “Twist? What’s wrong?” I started crying harder now.
“R-r-remember yesterday? The magic duel. That part where a mare got turned into a stallion?” My mom nodded. “Well…. I want that. So bad. I know you say I was born a filly. I know that’s the ‘natural’ way. But… it feels wrong. So, so, horribly wrong.”
My mom thought for a moment. Then she said, “Do you think you would be happier as, you know, a colt?” I nod. A lot.
Mom pulled me close and hugged me. “I don’t understand this. I don’t understand it one bit. But if it’s causing you this much distress, maybe it isn’t natural for you to be a filly. Maybe your ‘natural’ is something different. Something new.”
“It doesn’t matter”, I said. “Because it can’t happen. Twilight Sparkle herself told me she can’t do that spell.”
My mom rolled her eyes. “Magic can’t do everything. That’s where us Earth Ponies come in. I’m sure there’s a way to make you feel right.”
I hugged Mom one last time, and then got to bed. Being sad took a lot of energy. I woke up, and then realized how late it was. I had school! I burst out of my room. “Why’d you let me sleep in?”, I asked my parents.
“Well, your mother told me what happened last night, and both of us think it’s best for you to miss school today.”, my dad said. “We’re taking you to see a doctor. We think this doctor can help.”
I boarded the train with my parents. “Are you sure we have to go all the way to Manehattan?”, I asked.
Mom hugged me. “I mean… we don’t have to… but I want you to be happy. And I think… this might be the right thing to do.” When the train pulled to a stop, we got off and started heading towards a tall building. My parents went to talk to the people at the front desk, and we sat and waited.
As we were waiting, another pony came in, wrapped in a dark cloak to hide their identity. As they sat down, the cloak was bumped, revealing a powder blue coat underneath. I recognized that color. It’s not that common.
“Trixie?”, I asked. She looked up. “Why are you here?”
She sighed. “I was born a colt.”, she said.
“I didn’t transition young like you.”, she continued. “Transitioning was the best choice I ever made. But, especially since I still looked a bit like a stallion, I struggled to find work. I eventually became a stage magician. That’s all I was able to be- a spectacle. When Twilight Sparkle exposed me as lying to keep up my act, I fell into ruin. It was hard for me to find work. I wanted revenge. That’s when I decided to acquire the Alicorn Amulet.”
I looked at her. “This will make your life harder, you know. Not all ponies understand what transition means to us. Are you sure this is what you want?”, Trixie asked.
But I knew. I needed this. “Yes”, I told her.
Trixie hugged me. Then she pointed at the door. “Then the doctor is waiting for you.”
I walked into the office, and saw a purple pegasus with a light green mane.
“Hello!”, they said. “I’m Mx. Willow. I’ll be helping you today.
“Mix?”, I said, confused.
The pegasus smiled. “Mx. is the gender-neutral form of Mr. or Mrs. I’m nonbinary. Neither male nor female. Now what was it you wanted to discuss with me?”
I felt like crying again. “I… I don’t feel correct as… as a filly. I want to be happy like this. I want to be happy the way I was born. But it all feels wrong. So wrong. I don’t understand. All I know is I wish I was a colt.
Mx. Willow nodded. “What you’re experiencing is referred to as gender dysphoria. And we can help you.” They put a potion bottle on the table. “This mixture can turn you into a stallion. It works very slowly, but it will work. Is this something you want?”
“Y-yes”, I said reaching for it. Mx. Willow went over side effects and potential problems, then had my parents fill out some paperwork. They told us to contact them immediately if there was a problem.
I had been taking this potion for about a week now. But I still didn’t feel right. I knew that it would make me look like a stallion. And my parents were supportive at home. But at school, I was still treated like a mare. Eventually, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to tell someone. I had to tell Truffle.
When Miss Cheerilee let the class out for recess, I turned to Truffle. “Hey, can I tell you something?”, I asked him.
“We’re friends. You can tell me anything.”, he replied.
I steeled myself. “I’m not a filly. I’m a colt.” I waited for his reaction.
“You’re still my best friend, Twist. Filly or colt.” We hugged, and I felt like I was glowing. I wanted to thank him so much. But I know what he would say. He was just being a good friend. My best friend.
