Faster than fast, sooner than soon.
Author's Note
Probably the worst story I've ever written.
Faster than fast, sooner than soon.
Mm, it's so good to sleep normally again. And don't feel constrained by any restrictions. The only requirement to remain free and secure is not to violate the laws too brazenly.
These were the thoughts that were running through my head as I lay on the big bed and stretched. In the year I've been living in Equestria, I've been through a lot of things. Fought with a dragon, fought with a pony, fought with Minotaurs, fought with Celestia and won, by the way. Ha, mostly I just fought. And I had an extremely, NOT valuable reason for this. It's called a dream.
"It's good that now I don't have to embarrass myself with such things. When you're on the side of the good guys, all you have to do is point your finger at someone before you beat them up. Oh, it's a great system. I sighed happily, clasping my hands behind my head. Oh, I wanted to say a hand.
Perhaps the only bad thing that happened to me during my stay in Equestria. I lost my right arm. Although, it should be morally harder for people to judge me now. That's how it works, right?
"Oh, it doesn't matter. It will work the way I want it to," I grumbled, quickly jumping out of bed and taking a quick glance out the window, which was only a couple of steps away from me. The moonlight at night was bright enough that I could see the most important part of my reflection, besides the open coat. A scar running from the right corner of the smile to the cheek. Another proof that the whole time I was in Equestria was mostly devoted to fighting. Or rest after a fight. Well, in extreme cases, training between fights.
While I was looking at myself in the window, my brain was automatically replaying why I wasn't in my room. The fact is that today Twilight has something like her first reception as a princess. I know, I know, I'm shocked that she hasn't realized yet that as an alicorn she will outlive all her 'dear' friends. Anyway, I wanted to see how it would all go. Therefore, I entered myself into the list of visitors. All you had to do was cross someone out. Spike, wasn't his name? Well, it doesn't matter.
I don't give a damn about him at all. Like, I literally haven't talked to him once. Why should I care about his opinion now?
"That's right, there's no reason," I replied to myself before looking around for glasses. Yes, my eyesight is the second thing I've lost in almost a year in Equestria. How? Well, it turns out that gravity magic has a chance to undermine the capillaries in the eyes a little bit and worsen vision a little bit. So much so that without glasses I can't see clearly beyond three feet.
Eventually, my eyes were able to make out the outline of the glasses on the edge of the windowsill. Less than an inch away from falling. Careful, it's not about me. Chuckling, I grabbed my glasses with my left hand and put them on. Doing it with one hand is a bit unusual, but I can handle it.
"Why did I do it at all?" I asked aloud, putting my hand on my side. Yeah, it's night outside and I started getting dressed and scrolling through the last year of my life. What for? For what? I don't know, maybe the wall will give me an answer?
Hmm, no, there won't be a conversation with the wall today. But there is some kind of stomping outside the door. And fast.
I even held my breath for a second to better hear what was going on outside the door. At first, the sounds of stomping or even running became louder. Then, a few more appeared and I could hear a familiar voice shouting, "She stole my crown!"
"Oh, this is the moment when the villain loses because he was crushed by the crowd. How typical. " I replied, rolling my eyes and starting to walk slowly to the door to scout the situation. After all, I got myself a place at this event only by promising that I would provide security. Or ensure the beating of all unwanted princesses. Is there any difference?
"No, I don't think so," I replied to myself before grabbing the door handle and throwing it open. A quiet night corridor, nothing portends trouble. But except for a unicorn with a bacon-colored mane that suddenly ran past. Oh, look, there are six heroes running after her!
It's definitely very fair to the villain.
"Well done, as always on top, you fight exceptionally honest!" I shouted after the group of ponies. Unfortunately, no one turned around and just continued chasing the bacon-colored unicorn. Any normal person would just shrug their shoulders and go to bed, I think. It's good that I'm not even close to normal.
"Besides, it's another reason to tell how pathetic they all are. I muttered to myself before calmly walking forward through the corridors. Following the heroes was easy enough. The noise of their galloping, screams and even small hairs lying on the floor. No living creature leaves so many traces behind.
I know a lot about such things. My grandfather is a hunter. He was a great guy, by the way. One day he named all the black people. . . Ahem, it doesn't matter. Even I have absolutely minor but still disadvantages.
Sighing, I quickened my pace, carefully watching the tracks left by the ponies. Eventually I turned the corner and saw an open door with five ponies standing in the aisle. I could remember all their names, but I don't care so much that I'm unlikely to even listen to any sounds created by their vocal cords.
As I approached, I managed to hear an unfamiliar voice, presumably belonging to a unicorn with a bacon mane: "I'm sorry about that...."
After a brief pause, a bright flash of light followed, accompanied by a specific sound, and finally the voice finished its sentence with one word: "Princess."
Another proof of the superiority of the individual over the mass. If it wasn't for the extinguished spark, I would never have agreed to cooperate with the heroes, ugh.
After the word, there was another flash and a specific sound. The yellow pony, Fluttershy, seemed to ask something, but it is very difficult to hear such quiet sounds. So I continued walking forward and when there were only a couple of steps left before the ponies stood in the doorway, I wanted to start sarcastically clapping.
"Fuck, I only have one hand. Does anyone have a bald spot? I need to clap." I said, raising my voice to finally give myself away. The ponies jumped slightly and all quickly turned their heads in my direction. They tried their best to put on a calm face. In fact, they are not happy with me at all.
There is a reason for this. During my time in Equestria, I managed to: break Applejack's hind hooves, trample Rainbow into the ground twice, punch through a wall with Twilight's carcass, make Pinkie Pie cry and other less painful injuries to others. Oh, I almost forgot. Since the moment of the deprivation of my right hand and conditional 'redemption', I began to regularly follow the heroes and condemn their every action. I need to do something, right?
While I was thinking, Twilight awkwardly took a step forward and asked: "Daniel, have you been standing behind us for a long time?"
"About a minute, two at most. Very little. I replied with a shrug. Thank you, at least for the fact that the shoulder joint remains of my right arm.
"I don't want to judge, but why didn't you catch her? You're not bad at chasing, as you've claimed more than once." Twilight said carefully, trying not to sound judgmental. Just trying to
"I didn't want to join this. Unlike you, I have at least some respect for other people. Unless it's a special case, I'd rather fight the threat one-on-one. " I replied, clearly not hiding my attitude. That's the difference between us.
" Are you involved in this? Admit it! " Rainbow said suspiciously, flying up to my face and clearly ignoring my words. She's too dumb and weak to change or even accept my claims.
Maybe I should stomp her into the ground for the third time?
Mentally, I stopped myself before it was too late and took a deep breath. After a couple more seconds, I looked sternly into Rainbow's eyes and said: "You know my principles. If there is an enemy against me, I prefer to go against him alone and it will work in all directions. So I wouldn't help any pony with bacon. Plus, Luna pays me money so that I don't commit serious 'villainies'. Being a villain is now unprofitable. "
After I finished, Rainbow snorted and flew away from my face. After just a moment of silence, Twilight stated confidently, " We need to meet the princesses. They will explain everything. "
" Yes, yes, do some useless stuff. I'll take the crown now and come back. The adventure is literally for twenty minutes. " I replied, pushing the pony aside and approaching the place where I saw the last flash. A mirror with a lot of crystals around the edges.
I made a half turn to the pony and asked everyone a question at once: "Did the bacon unicorn go through it?"
"Well, yes. But it's dangerous! This could be a trap!" Twilight said nervously.
Oh, big deal, I trained under Luna and defeated Celestia in battle, nothing can beat me.
I took a step towards the mirror, but Twilight said decisively: "Stop!"
" I'm stopping. " He said reluctantly, looking at her with the help of a reflection in the mirror.
" We will go to the princesses and they will explain everything. No adventures. " Twilight continued in an almost commanding tone. As if she's really in control of anything here.
What nonsense.
Almost completely ignoring her, I took a step forward and stood in a fighting stance right in front of the mirror. It's a little unusual to do this without a right hand, and it looks strange, but okay. I quickly threw my left hand forward, it went through the mirror and I returned it to my chin. The limb is not damaged, fine. In fact, I didn't feel anything at all. The portal is not dangerous.
I turned to the group of ponies completely and raised my left hand before saying, "My arm is intact, the enemy has an increasing chance of escape. Are you going to delay like this?"
They were all silent for a while before Rainbow took off and said, hoof to hoof, "Daniel may be a jerk, but he's right. We need to follow her!"
Damn, I don't want to be surrounded by all these six. One at most. So we need to come up with something.
"If you follow me, I'll punch you in the face. And then I'll close the portal on the other side with something heavy. I said before taking a quick breath. We need to act quickly so that they don't have time to argue and make decisions.
Nodding to myself, I took an instant step forward and grabbed Twilight by the scruff of the neck like a kitten. In a U-turn, I threw her right into the mirror and she passed through it without even having time to squeak. Taking advantage of the shock of all the ponies, I swaggered up to the mirror and before passing through it said: "Auf Wiedersehen, ihr Arschlöcher."
That's why I studied German, by the way.
Immediately after I passed through the mirror, my head began to spin, there were bright flashes in front of my eyes and any sense of a fulcrum disappeared. I hope it won't last long.
Okay, check, one or two. There is a feeling of something solid underfoot. It is quite difficult to determine through the surface of trousers and the shoes. The ears are intact. The glasses are in place, surprisingly. All the limbs that I have left are still in place. I'm missing only twenty-five percent of my potential firepower. The diagnosis is complete, it's time to work.
Opening my eyes quickly, I was struck by the surprisingly dim sunlight. It's much brighter in Equestria. Wanting to explore more, I quickly jumped to my feet and almost instinctively put my left hand under my chin. And what my eyes registered in the first second struck me like a shot from a crossbow.
. . . School? Most likely it's paid, I studied in a similar one. Well, mine was three times smaller.
Frowning, I briefly looked away. A man is walking his dog. Man. Human. Just like me. Ho, it looks like a jackpot. Various thoughts were spinning in my head, but only one came to the fore. A joke that no one will like.
I took a short breath and shouted, "Hey, man, do you want me to tell you a joke?"
He stared at me in embarrassment, but after a couple of seconds he shrugged and nodded. Smiling broadly, baring my fangs, I said, "Many people are interested in whether science and religion can work together? Of course they can. Science creates airplanes and skyscrapers, and religion. . ."
No, this is too low a joke. Anyone can joke about some kind of tragedy if it has been a couple of decades since it began. We need to find the tragedy that happened just yesterday and make a joke about it. A joke too early is the best joke.
I sighed and said with a slow wave of my hand, "Forget it, it's a bad joke. Uninteresting and obvious."
The man just shrugged and returned his attention to walking his dog. I sighed, but the calmness was almost immediately interrupted by a familiar voice nearby: "Uh. . ."
Oh, right. She's here with me so that I have someone to laugh at during a quick adventure. And her friends should be on the way, who can come up at any moment.
Before I could come up with any solution, another strange sound came from behind. Thanks to an instant U-turn, I managed to see a hand coming out of the base of the horse statue. Wait, do ponies turn into humans when they get here? Then. . .
"Phew, nothing has changed. Lucky." I said with a sigh and returned my gaze to the statue, from which an evil face with rainbow hair had already emerged. Hmm, and I still haven't found a thing that will block their way. Well, then I'll only keep half of my promise.
I shouted, delivering a quick punch to Rainbow's face, which threw her back into the statue. Yes, I just hit a woman. Sorry, patriarchy fans, but I believe in the equality of men and women. I can hit anyone and if it escalates into a violent fight, then so be it.
Is someone not satisfied with something?
While I was thinking, no one appeared from the other side of the mirror, so I guess they got the hint. After a sigh, my eyes went to the place where the familiar voice was coming from. There was a girl sitting on her knees in a dress and with hair perfectly copying Twilight. Let's assume it's her.
So far, she's just been looking at me with a mixture of anger and outrage. Snorting, I squatted down in front of her so as not to rise too much and asked: "Are you okay? Can you walk on your feet?"
"What are you. . Twilight asked before finally looking down at her new and, objectively speaking, more useful limbs. After just a moment of watching, she opened her mouth to scream, but was stopped by me.
"Don't yell. Women's screams are annoying." I said instantly and moved my hand slightly to shut Twilight's mouth if anything happened. Fortunately, this did not happen and she just nodded, keeping strong emotions in her eyes.
I don't think she'll be able to walk properly on two legs.
Sighing, I grabbed her left hand and said slowly getting up: "Come on, it's time to work. For now, I'm going to hold your hand like a naive child. It's partly true. "
" HEY! " Twilight said resentfully, but she obeyed anyway and slowly stood up with me. Her legs were weak and she stood very uncertain, but I must admit that I expected the worst. Like, it seemed to me that she would sway like a leaf in the wind and I would have to use all my strength to keep her on her feet.
Well, probably being the best in the six heroes means being the best in everything.
I stood holding her wrist for a couple of seconds before asking, hiding my excitement, "Well, where are we going to look for a bacon pony? Although now it would be more correct to look for a bacon woman."
Twilight continued to stagger for a while before replying, "Maybe we should go check the lock? She probably stole my crown to become the princess of this world. "
" Do you really not understand, or do you want me to start telling you more about humanity? " I asked rhetorically before carefully walking forward so that Twilight wouldn't fall and could get used to walking.
"Actually, I wouldn't mind. For almost a year in Equestria, all I've learned about your kind is the Soviet Union and a thing called a smartphone. " Twilight replied modestly.
Ugh, I'm not the type of person who will tell random facts. If they ask me about the history of mankind, I will start drawing a map of the planet and start with evolution.
"I have neither the strength nor the desire to tell you about anything more. I quickly replied, speeding up my pace a little and tightening my grip on Twilight's wrist.
Fortunately, she took the hint and changed the subject, asking indignantly: "Why did I turn into a representative of your species at all, and you remained yourself!? It's just not fair!"
I raised an eyebrow as I led her by the hand and asked with a chuckle: "What do you think I should have turned into? In a pony, or something? That would make the situation absurd and meaningless. Turning into a pony would weaken me very slightly. After all, I've got a pretty good hand at walking on all fours. "
The way I got this skill is classified information.
The rest of the way to the school entrance was more than quiet. When I reached the glass door, I lightly kicked its base with my foot and entered the building with Twilight. Taking a deep breath, I looked at the various school lockers and said, "Oh, school. It's my peak time. I would even say zenith. "
Twilight didn't seem interested in my feelings and asked, looking away, " Do you think, Danielle, she could have stolen anything else from Equestria?"
Raising an eyebrow, I looked in the same direction as she did and saw a yellow glass behind which there were many different awards. Soon, I turned my gaze to Twilight and asked: "Are you looking for an excuse to steal local stuff? Don't worry, you won't be punished for thinking about a crime. Well, if you're on the right side."
Hmm, what is this strange ringing?
Before Twilight could respond, many office doors opened and people began to come out. Wow, it's really exciting. I can already see myself coming here all the time just to tell jokes that everyone will hate me for. After all, I have mastered the skill of comical confrontation perfectly.
Unfortunately, my mood was ruined by Twilight, who tapped me lightly on the arm and said, "Can you please let me go? I've already figured out how these things work."
"As soon as we get out of the crowd." I said, tightening my grip on her wrist and pushing my way through the crowd of students. It was quite simple for me, with my height I was at least a head taller than the tallest of them.
One of the few things I am grateful to my family for. Genetics.
Along the way, I could hear clearly displeased sounds coming from Twilight. It's good that the crowd of students drowned out the specific words almost completely. I won't have to think about her words, and I can just walk forward like a tank.
In the end, the breakthrough was successful, and we found ourselves in a half-empty corridor. Exhaling, I let go of Twilight's wrist and surprisingly, she was really standing well on her feet. I gave her a thumbs up and said, "Well done, you've learned a skill that one-year-olds have! I would clap for you, but I only have one hand."
"Can you at least sometimes not bully other people?"
"It's not bullying, it's a fact. I don't understand how such things can offend someone. Like, if I tell you how the army of any country committed a war crime, would it offend the entire population of this country? I asked in response to which Twilight snorted. She realized a long time ago that having a debate with me was a bad idea.
Therefore, she is the best of the six heroes.
Before I could take a breath, I heard a very quiet and soft voice from around the corner: "I'm sorry. I just found it and thought I should give it to her. I didn't know you dropped it."
"Well, I did and was going to pick it up, but you attacked and ruined everything! You can't pick up other people's things, you know. " A very familiar voice answered. Yes, the bacon unicorn. Turning into a human doesn't change the vocal cords in any way, it seems.
With a commanding wave of my hand, I took quick steps forward and looked around the corner in the direction from which the voice was coming. There I saw a girl in a black jacket and with hair just like that unicorn. Yeah, it's a strange Land. Did all the people decide to dye their hair in unnatural colors during the year of my absence?
Oh, wait. A year ago, it was about the same. It's just that now I have to communicate with such people.
I looked at Twilight out of the corner of my eye and saw the obvious displeasure on her face. Well, it's time to take the initiative. Sighing, I put my hand in my pocket and went to the 'terrible' villain. On the way, I saw that the girl with yellow hair said softly: "It doesn't really belong to you."
"Excuse me?" The girl in the leather jacket asked, pressing the other one against the school lockers.
"I forgive you." I said with a sigh, putting my hand on her shoulder. Hmm, the jacket is cold and wet. Is there any chance she's sleeping outside in the rain?
Although does it have a special meaning? The investigation is only interested in the name of the suspect and no more.
While I was thinking, she managed to jerk her shoulder and turn completely to me, with a furious look. When I didn't hear any words from her, I put my hand on my side and asked: "Can you tell me your name? I don't want to call you a bacon pony."
"My name is Sunset Shimmer. And you better apologize for daring to touch me. " She replied with as serious a look as possible.
I looked around and saw that the few students who were standing in the hallway were looking at her warily. Chuckling, I asked looking at her: " Are you the most popular girl in school or a bully? Or both at once? "
Seeing the growing grin on her face, I raised my hand and replied in a disappointed manner, " Your face gives me more than enough information. Congratulations, Sunset, you've met your perfect match."
Target acquired.
While Sunset was stunned by my arrogance and was accumulating anger, I said, licking my lips: "You know, lately I've been thinking and coming up with a tactic that allows me to win in any collision. Believe me, there is nothing supernatural about this for me."
"Hah, as if that would help you. " Sunset replied proudly, raising her left arm and resting her right hand on her side. By the way, I didn't plan this, no one gave her the right to vote. And even more so, he did not give me the right to show off the presence of a second limb right in front of my face.
Rolling my eyes, I tried my best to hold back a predatory smile and said: "The whole point is to pin down an opponent with positivity, and then push them into the ground with a blow."
Okay, it's time to remember what I learned in the theater club.
"You're a fool." Sunset said absolutely seriously and looking into my eyes.
"AHAHA! AHAH!" I laughed right in her face, even bent down a little to be about on a level with her.
I kept laughing right in Sunset's face, and after just a couple of seconds she took a small step back. Despite the growing pain in my lower jaw, I didn't stop and I heard Twilight's awkward and obviously forced laugh behind me: "Ha... Haha."
Unfortunately, the pain in his jaw soon became unbearable, which made it very difficult to continue laughing with his mouth wide open. I continued to squeeze out giggles for a while before saying quickly, "Tighten your abs."
"What?"
After all, I am a great tactician and strategist.
In response, I instantly hit Sunset right in the stomach, where the abs should have been. But judging by her reaction, the press wasn't there. She moaned in pain and doubled over, clutching the place of impact with both hands. I can't do that by the way. While the opponent was stunned, I turned my head to Twilight and said with a thumbs-up, "See? My tactics are incredibly effective. "
Twilight sighed and said with a disapproving shake of her head: " I was hoping that you had reformed and stopped being so cruel. "
I clicked my tongues and before turning to Sunset I said, " Life is full of disappointments. So in return, you need to disappoint life. An eye for an eye.
An eye for an eye and the whole world will go blind. I can't see anything without glasses anyway, so it's not a big loss.
Looking down at Sunset, I grabbed her wrist and lifted her off the floor to my level. After all, six years of hard training give good results. Ahem, I got distracted. I looked at Sunset and asked: "In short, it works fast. You tell me where the crown is, I take it and we leave. "
" I think you're attracting too much attention. " Twilight said uncertainly, tapping me lightly on the back. My brief embarrassment was dispelled when, out of the corner of my eye, I discovered a crowd of students who were closely watching what was happening.
Information is really spreading fast.
Sunset gritted her teeth and grabbed my forearm with her free hand, trying to pull away. I sighed and asked slowly: "You don't want to cooperate?"
"Let me go!" she said, continuing her attempts to break free. I must admit, I am surprised by her stubborn resistance.
As if sensing my satisfaction, she abruptly lifted her foot, trying to kick me in the groin. With a short grunt, I quickly shifted so that the opponent's kick collided with my thigh, without much harm. After minimizing the damage, I looked at Sunset and calmly remarked: "As a teenager, I often fought with girls. It's about the same as with guys. And a kick in the groin is the very first thing I expect. Although for the resistance, I praise you."
At first, I thought about breaking her wrist, but I think I can test my diplomatic skills.
I quickly turned to Twilight and said, "Go look for your crown, look for alternative versions of your useless friends or something like that. I have my own front."
At first, Twilight looked at me with obvious displeasure. I don't understand what could be scary about single-player survival in a completely different world? I don't see anything complicated about it. And, surprisingly, Twilight sighed and reluctantly nodded, saying, "Okay..."
Returning to Sunset, I carefully set her down on the floor and said, releasing her wrist: "Congratulations, I don't want to beat you up. So can we move on to negotiations? Preferably in a less CROWDED place. "
" Oh, what is it? Are you afraid of embarrassing yourself in front of a crowd? " Sunset asked mockingly, putting her hands on her hips. People suddenly become so brave when I try to talk to them. It's annoying.
No, I've changed my mind. We'll break your wrist.
I quickly grabbed her by the wrist of her right hand and squeezed hard before saying, "Hop, fine."
The next moment, there was a soft click followed by a deafening female screech. Taking a deep breath, I let go of Sunset's wrist and she fell to her knees, holding her wrist with her whole hand. Turning to the crowd with my whole body, I said slightly irritably: "Morons, stop standing still! Bring her ice or take her to the infirmary, but don't be like Chamberlain! Otherwise, the threat will affect not only her."
" Cham? " A female voice asked confusedly from the crowd.
" Bear? " The male voice continued with about the same intonation. Uhh.
Idiots. I'm sure these are some of those people who make me say 'Austrian artist' instead of 'Austrian corporal' in order to be understood. And you can't explain to them that the second one is much more suitable! Mainly because the generally accepted norm does not know what logic is and knows the story at best at the level of unfunny pictures on the Internet.
Growling under my breath, I stood on tiptoe and adjusted my glasses. After a couple of seconds of careful searching, my eyes fixed on familiar hair in the distance. Sighing, I took a confident step forward and said in a commanding tone: "Disperse, I'm coming!"
It seems that my past actions had a strong psychological impact, as they, like obedient soldiers, quickly pressed themselves against the walls of the corridor, giving me a wide place to maneuver. Sighing contentedly, I waved Sunset goodbye without looking at her and said goodbye: "I'm sorry for the injury. You'd better go to the doctor, I was planning to just dislocate your arm, but I might have accidentally broken it."
After taking only a few steps, I realized one mistake. Twilight had already disappeared somewhere. Stopping in the middle of the corridor, I put my hand on my side and asked calmly: "Has anyone seen a girl with purple hair and a pink strand of hair?"
"Actually, my hair color is dark sapphire blue with moderate purple and brilliant raspberry streaks." A familiar voice to my right corrected me. Turning to the source, I saw Twilight standing in the same aisle with the other students and was a little embarrassed when I glanced at her.
After all, I'm great at commanding people. Even she couldn't disobey.
"So, go ahead. I hope you've already chosen a direction." I said, waving my hand, waiting for Twilight to come out of the crowd.
Fortunately, she nodded quickly and walked out of the row of students before walking forward. Sighing, I followed Twilight and said with a wave of my hand, "You're free. I hope you'll take Sunset to the doctor after all."
Almost immediately, I heard a series of disappointed sighs nearby. Catching up with Twilight, I put my hand in my pocket and muttered: "Can you explain to me why everyone praises empathy so much, but you can act as you like towards the 'bad' guys?"
"You're not going to listen to my reasoning, are you?" Twilight asked, sighing softly but not hiding her disappointment.
You're absolutely right.
After that, our dialogue was completed and we continued to move forward. The hallways were more than empty, most likely because all the students had gathered to watch the bully's humiliation. Have I already said that I despise everyone who looked at this and, most likely, felt pleasure? No? Well, that's right, because I don't feel much contempt. I just don't understand such people.
I shrugged and took a short breath before asking, "Okay, Twilight, where are we going?"
"I asked Fluttershy and she said she gave the crown to the director. Her office should be nearby. Twilight replied quickly. Hmm, it looks like she found out something shocking. Probably the fact that there are alternative versions of Equestria ponies in this world.
I'm not really surprised, actually. First, I personally met with my copy. Well, at least he has the same initials as me. And secondly, after almost a year in Equestria, it seems that my ability to be surprised has died. Like, I don't want to cry, fall on my knees and say nonsense from the category: "Finally, other humans!"
I shook my head as soon as I saw Twilight stop in front of the door with the director clearly written above it. But despite the obvious, Twilight stopped in front of the door and frowned before asking in embarrassment, "What are we even going to do? Just ask Director Celestia to give us the crown?"
I snorted under my breath and said tapping her on the shoulder, "Step aside, I'll figure it out myself, since you're so indecisive."
"So it doesn't seem strange to you at all to come and claim the crown from the director?" Twilight asked, turning to me and clearly being very tense.
"Just watch." I said, gently pushing her aside and slowly opening the door into the office.
To advance quickly, to strike decisively, to move forward to the last of our strength.
A grin slowly began to blossom on my face as a plan quickly formed in my head. During this process, my gaze glared at the prospective director, or to be more precise, bit into her hair. They were just as strange as Celestia's. The only difference is that the director's hair wasn't blowing in an invisible wind or something.
I shook my head again before taking a few quick steps and slamming my palm loudly on the table. Surprisingly, the director did not even flinch and calmly asked, without even looking up from some of his papers: "How can I help you?"
Damn, it didn't work out to stun with the first blow. So we will advance until the enemy overturns.
Taking a deep breath, I briefly turned to Twilight and saw that she was just standing in the doorway. Despite the fact that the fate of HER crown is being decided now! I snorted under my breath and quickly said, pointing at Twilight with my finger, "You were given the wrong crown. What you were given belongs to her. "
The director puts the documents on the table and raised an eyebrow with a clearly embarrassed expression. I just put my hand on my side and said confidently, " If you don't believe, then just show me the crown. She will be able to point out the obvious details. A signature, a hairline or something. "
The interlocutor continued to look at me like an idiot, clearly making it clear that he would NOT let me look at the crown. I took a long step back and whispered in Twilight's ear, " Can you cry and tap your feet on the floor? For credibility."
She won't be able to do it convincingly. Why did I even ask for this?
I sighed and took a long step forward to get closer to the director again. My hand rested on the table and the words began to pour from my lips: "Listen, we have direct, indirect and hilly evidence that you have mixed up the crowns. Such as the matching of the crown in color scheme with its owner, the fact that she herself stated it, and the fact that six people, not counting the owner, can confirm the theft of the crown. On your part, no counterarguments were put forward. So for now, I will politely ask you to give the crown for inspection. "
Noticing at least a hint of embarrassment from the director, I took off my glasses, brought my face closer to hers and slowly spoke: " You have no logical and reasonable counterarguments. If you don't want to let me see the crown because I'm disabled and supposedly have low morale because of it, then say so. "
The director's eyes widened slightly and she said soothingly, slowly waving her hand: "No, no, I don't have any problems with your, uh, unusual appearance."
Unusual is very similar to unnatural. Are you implying that I shouldn't exist? Is it better to die with my injuries? That I'm not human?
As if sensing my thoughts and desire for conflict, the director sighed before saying, "Okay, give me a second. Although I'm sure there's been some mistake."
In response, I just nodded slowly before putting my glasses back on and looking at Twilight, who was clearly a little surprised. Most likely due to the fact that I solve all her problems and as a result she looks like ballast. Well, I just don't really want to be here.
Like, I've been in Equestria for a year, a whole YEAR! Can I reintegrate into modern society? And most importantly, why would I do this if there is a world where I have money, even if it is bad, but still fame and a house? The short answer is. . . no. There is no reason, so this action does not make sense. The less time I stay here, the less the influence of irrational motives will be.
"Look at this." The director's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. She was standing a couple of steps away from me and holding a crown in one hand. For just a moment, I turned to Twilight, as if asking a question without words. Fortunately, she just nodded quickly. The crown has been discovered.
For a while, I tilted my head to the left and to the right while thoughts were spinning in my head. Yes, I could continue the verbal battle to eventually regain the crown. But I have a much more effective solution that will solve the problem much faster, spending much less resources. I call this technique: "The deal".
"Replacement!" I said quickly, throwing off my coat and throwing it right in the director's face. While she was stunned, my left hand quickly grabbed the crown like a snake's throw and pulled it out of the Director's grasp.
Now it's my least favorite part. I feel bad every time I do that.
I turned around completely and said, taking quick steps: "Twilight, don't pretend that you're a fool like your friends! Run and I'll follow you."
Twilight only needed to blink once before she turned around uncertainly and began to move her legs quickly. However, after the second step, she staggered and almost fell. With a disappointed sigh, I tightened my grip on the crown and said quickly, "Got it. I'll run and you'll figure it out for yourself."
Immediately after that, I started running forward through the corridors, which fortunately became empty enough for me to fully accelerate. But all the same, the excellent mood was spoiled by two simultaneous voices: "Stop!"
Twilight screams because she can't run. Weakness. The director is screaming because she didn't like the coat, I suppose? Strange people in the world after all.
I took a short breath to focus on the present moment. A very sharp turn. You won't be able to slow down. There's not enough time and the floors are too smooth. Gritting my teeth, I tried to turn around, but my left shoulder slammed into a school box.
I let out a long, irritated exhale before pushing off from the dented locker and continuing to run, ignoring the pain in my shoulder. Fortunately, the rest of the way passed without any problems at all, and the last obstacle was at the exit door. Of course, I can slow down and just open the glass door.
It's a pity that I don't have an instinct for self-preservation.
Jumping up at the last moment, I stretched my right leg forward and covered my face with my left hand a moment before the collision. With a loud clang, the glass of the door smashed into many pieces by my shoe and after a brief roll, I stood up. What's the damage report? Well, the little things. I won't even discuss such minor things. Anything less than a broken bone is not worth discussing.
"Stay where you are!" An extremely tense voice shouted ahead. Looking up and adjusting my glasses, I saw that it was Sunset. She has a cast on her wrist, but despite this, she holds a sledgehammer with her left hand. Hmm, what an endurance.
"Uh, listen, I have a kind of chase on my tail. Can you step back?" I asked, taking a brief step forward.
In response, Sunset only raised a sledgehammer and said, looking at the statue of a horse: "If you don't give me the crown, you will stay in this world forever."
Risk assessment. Staying here will be a problem. Critical? No, it's just a temporary difficulty. Just like getting into Equestria. Conclusion: the threat is not significant.
I snorted and said taking another step forward: "It doesn't work. I've always been human. For me, this threat is almost invalid. For most people, this threat would be completely invalid."
Sunset gritted her teeth and muttered extremely softly: "This is a plan B for Twilight."
"Oh, have you thought of a backup plan? Well done. " I said, nodding slightly at Sunset before taking another step forward.
" Did you just compliment me? Who do you think you are!? " Sunset asked irritably, barely holding the sledgehammer with one hand. I can't imagine how she's going to break the portal this way.
By the way, she plays very poorly. I didn't believe for a second that she was really annoyed.
"What are you even trying to achieve? Why do you need this useless thing?" I asked, twirling the crown in my hand and flicking my wrist slightly. Uh, I need to stretch more often.
"None of your business!" Sunset responded even more defensively. Yeah, it's a tough case.
I slowly started walking towards her and almost immediately started saying, "Look, your actions don't make sense. Take over the world? Upend the world order? To get what you supposedly deserve? Revenge? Or something even more stupid? Whatever you want from this, these are useless dreams."
Absolute meaningless and pathetic dreams.
When we were only a dozen feet apart, she raised the sledgehammer defensively again. I sighed and said loudly with irritation in my voice: "You're just doing some nonsense! Right now you're standing and aggressively swinging a sledgehammer that you can't normally control with one hand. You refused to have a one-on-one conversation out of fear. Stop fooling around and find yourself a real target! "
" I have a goal! I want to capture the Ec. . Sunset began confidently, but was instantly interrupted by me.
"It's a dream. The goal is to eat pizza. The goal is to find a girl. The goal is the desire to protect yourself. A goal is something that YOU can accomplish, YOU need to accomplish, YOU want to accomplish, and you can accomplish it in the near future. A dream is a burden that people put on themselves to make a simple life seem more difficult! For example, your dream of capturing Equestria. All your activity is aimed at this. What happens? When you take over Equestria, will you live for real and now you just exist? It turns out to be some kind of nonsense. "
I said like Socrates. Although I think he could have said something like that only after getting drunk and using narcotic substances. Hmm, were there drugs in ancient Greece?
Sunset swallowed and seemed to lose all fighting spirit. I took a deep breath and walked over to her before patting her on the shoulder and saying, "Don't get upset. A lot of people suffer from an absolutely useless dream. You're lucky to have met me. "
This did not particularly calm her down and she asked with her head down: " And what do you suggest I do? I've been striving for this so much and now I have to give up everything? Do you have any idea how much I've done!?"
The short answer: yes, you actually have to throw away such a useless thing as a dream.
I moved slightly away from Sunset and said looking straight into her eyes: "I'm going to tell you a wise thing. Just super wise. It is incredibly difficult to understand, because such thoughts can only convey special words. But I believe that you will be able to understand. Are you ready to listen?"
She nodded slowly in response after a moment of hesitation in response to which I took a deep breath before starting to speak slowly and extremely calm: "Du brauchst ein paar Zutaten. Heringsfilets, Zwiebeln, mittelgroße Äpfel, gekochte Rüben, eingelegte Gurken, saure saure Sahne und Soße. Die Zubereitung des Gerichts dauert mehrere Punkte. Zuerst die Zwiebel und den Apfel schälen. Zweitens die Zwiebeln und Filets in kleine Würfel schneiden. Drittens die Rüben, eingelegte Gurken und den Apfel in kleine Würfel schneiden. Fügen Sie die Soßen hinzu und lassen Sie das Gericht für eine Stunde stehen. "
I asked seriously, putting my hand with the crown on Sunset's shoulder.
"Uh, I think so. Yes, I get it! This is very wise! I'm ready to change." Sunset said as tears started coming out of her eyes. It's amazing how deeply she could feel it.
Well, then I'm off. Tell Twilight that I'm back in Equestria. " I said before grabbing the crown tightly and taking a step into the portal. Unfortunately, in the last few seconds I couldn't help but giggle, which only grew bigger with every passing moment.
I just told her the salad recipe in German. I am a great advisor.
