The Wonderbolts Criteria

by Compendium of Steve

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Soarin, Random, Spitfire
Length: 3215

An Irreverent Discourse On An Organization Found In An Animated Television Show Geared Towards Children.

AN IRREVERENT DISCOURSE ON AN ORGANIZATION FOUND WITHIN AN ANIMATED TELEVISION SERIES GEARED TOWARD YOUNG CHILDREN.

(Written for the Quills and Sofas 2024 Wonderbolts Sitewide Contest)

Published 2024-04-20 15:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-04-20 15:20:01 UTC

The argument

March 30, 2024, Saturday. North Vorupør, Denmark. Approximately 3:30pm, raining.

While listening to an Eddy Burback video on YouTube, I logged onto Fimfiction.net and discovered a speed writing contest had posted about five days prior.

The prompt: make a story about the Wonderbolts.

Straightforward enough. Only, what caught my eye was the wording in the rules. Specifically, that I should be able to present an argument to the judges that my story in some way is about the Wonderbolts.

Present an argument.

Most interesting. Haha yes, most interesting indeed!

With that core phrase in mind, esteemed members of the board, I shall prove beyond all shadows of doubt that this document does indeed concern the Wonderbolts and thereby qualifies for entry in yonder contest.

To start,

What are the Wonderbolts?

The My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic Wiki defines the Wonderbolts as a squad of Pegasus ponies who perform aerial acrobatics and demonstrations. Key members include the following:

Subject A

Spitfire: Team Captain, presumably the most senior member and thereby the most experienced. Serious about her station. Some would say “sassy”. Or is it just me? I might have to ask around, anyway moving on!

Subject B

Soarin’: Second-in-command, more easy-going than his superior, enjoys pie. Strikes me as a himbo sort. One of Rainbow Dash's myriad shipping options, alongside other members of the unit (see Subjects A, C and D). Popularity rank? Unclear.

Subject C

Thunderlane: Technically in reserves, but that might have changed (I dunno; I dropped out after the start of Season 8 and it's been years since I saw any episodes). Seemingly chill dude with a younger brother (I found a number of Mature-rated stories that portray him as a r@&!$+, and I don't know why that is. Perhaps just a matter of ~~twisted~~ personal preference). Another of Rainbow Dash's potential love interests/assaulters (it occurs to me there's a certain ““““love/hate”””” dynamic to be found in pairings in any fandom. Raises concerns/questions of societal norms).

Subject D

Fleetfoot: I don't know anything about her. I imagine she's more fleshed out in the fandom than in the actual show, as is the usual case with side characters (for better or worse, sic Subject C).

There are several more members, though I believe you have the gist of what the Wonderbolts are: a bunch of colorful pegasi of all genders in snazzy uniforms that perform feats of aerial amazement. To my recollection (see personal admission in Subject C) they have been in every season of the show in varying capacities, thereby making them a persisting background element. A thread in the fabric of the show's identity, as it were.

Which brings us neatly to my next line of inquiry:

Why the Wonderbolts?

What I mean by this is, where do they fit in the vast tapestry that is My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic as seen on The Hub? What is their relevance, their purpose, within Hasbro's surprise hit property of 2010?

The most basic, direct answer comes from what likely inspired their creation and design. Namely,

The Blue Angels.

Founded in 1946, the squadron’s purpose was to bolster morale and garner public interest in America’s naval aviation through flight demonstrations, which in turn could draw in potential recruits as well as justify funding from a dwindling defense budget. The Wonderbolts serve more or less the same function, putting on flight shows for similar goals (don’t know about the budgeting. Sadly that’s one aspect never brought up in the show [the cowards]).

Therefore, it can be surmised that the Wonderbolts are an offshoot of the air defense force that function primarily in public relations for purposes of morale and recruitment, though bearing higher celebrity and pop culture status than their real world human counterparts, as evidenced by the abundance of merchandise and promotional material found in nearly every city and town.

That should prove an adequate enough answer, yet I feel like there should be more to this. There has to be. You don't just make writing contests about an entity based solely on their rudimentary functions!
(Apologies to any purist Blue Angels fanfiction writers who may be reading this [Don’t question the plausibility of their existence. This is the Internet: ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE])

And so fine adjudicators, I decided to turn to the fans to provide a more substantial, satisfactory understanding. As I have mentioned in my listing of Wonderbolt members, it is typically the onus of the fandom to provide substance where there is otherwise none. I'm also curious as to how much of the Wonderbolts’ zeitgeist has been developed by the fans rather than the showrunners.

So drawing up my meager list of FiMFiction contacts, I posed the question to those who were still active: What do the Wonderbolts mean to you? Here are the few responses (alongside their associated responders) I got back.

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Admiral Biscuit, writer:

“I'm gonna give you the most boring answer ever. [Proceeds to make comparison to The Blue Angels, practically matching what has previously been established]

“I'll be honest, in terms of my own fics, I've only ever mentioned them in passing as far as I can remember.”

Themaskedferret, signal booster:

"...The Wonderbolts are interesting. They started out as this amazing crack flying team and then became a critical response team and then seemed kinda useless and bounced back and then became shown as more focused on social prestige.

"I think in terms of fandom relevance, much like their arc in the show they waxed and waned a lot. I feel like these days they've very much fallen to the wayside. You don't see them crop up in the new story list a lot in character tags.

"As to how I feel about them, I think they have some interesting potential as characters. There's a couple of named characters for one with different personalities. Spitfire is a classic for being such a brash and well, fiery personality with a softer side. Soarin for being a goofball pie addict but you could absolutely work into a more sensible angle to him. I suspect there's more but it's been a while since I've seen the episodes I'm afraid.

"For another there's plenty of background characters who the author can put their own spin on. Though you can say that about a lot of background ponies for sure. but adding the connecting thread of being part of a team and possibly a combat group adds an interesting ready-made dynamic for an author to dabble in."

PaulAsaran, reviewer:

“As an author, I give the only answer I can: the Wonderbolts are whatever they need to be for a given story. Sometimes that means they are assholes with selfish behavior. At other times that might mean they are genuine heroes. Sometimes they are role models and other times they are models of what not to be. Hasbro has granted us mixed results, and as such we fanfiction writers are free to make of those results as we desire or need.

“The Wonderbolts are characters. Characters are a writer's friends. And sometimes our enemies. Or a bit of both; the line is blurry.

“Regarding their popularity, I can only shrug. I don't use the Wonderbolts very often in my writing, and when I do it's usually because they are important to a character within the story rather than being critical for the story in and of themselves. Nor do I actively seek them out as subjects for stories to read/review, though they sometimes pop up and sometimes provide for great characters.

“I suppose for me the Wonderbolts are... peripheral. They come up when relevant. Which in some ways coincides with the opinion I offered above.”

Pascoite, older writer:

"I don't think the fandom much cares about the Wonderbolts. They never really come up except as a motivation for Dash's character. I guess Scootaloo seems interested in them as well, but it's unclear whether that's more of her own accord or on Dash's behalf. As to how the characters regard the Wonderbolts, that's a different matter. But to the fandom, it's just Dash's dream, and it also gives some prestige to characters like Spitfire so that fanfiction authors can treat them as important. There are enough stories that use Wonderbolts characters, but I haven't read many, so I don't have an overall feeling of how most authors think of them."

PresentPerfect, other reviewer:

“Man. 5 mil is a lot of money, but not enough to buy a spaceship I'm sure, and two days isn't long enough to recover from surgery <_< hmm

“Gosh, I don't think I could raise a spacefaring militia in that span of time to save the planet, either. :B Well'p, debauched hedonism it is! I have no plans more detailed than that.”

[Presenter’s Note: This response has no relevance to the discussion whatsoever. I recently saw the movie Heathersfor the first time and thought it’d be fun to try that polling question from the film’s opening. Here is the actual response:]

“The Wonderbolts? Honestly, I don't think about them too much. In the show they went from cool idols of one of our main characters to one-note military pastiches pretty quickly, at which point I stopped caring about them as anything other than a goal for Rainbow Dash to aim at. And Rainbow Dash is worst pony. :V”

Wanderer D, site admin:

“Hi, sorry I don't have anything to do with the contest, please contact the organizers for your questions.”

******************w*******************

There you have it. Outside their in-universe purposes, the Wonderbolts serve as foils, tools for aiding a writer’s creative output. A goal, framing device, call to action, so on etc. In short, an idea that can be bandied about and utilized for whatever the author desires. Beyond that, it seems no one really gives two s#!+s about them.

Well, that’s not terribly uplifting. In fact, this honestly may have made things even less satisfactory! Maybe if I fielded a larger, broader focus group, but would it have altered the results even slightly, if at all?? The people posting these stories, watching the reruns, having meet-ups online and in-person, they’re only in it for the central characters and the more popular side ones. Those are what’s keeping this franchise going well after the show stopped airing. It’s them that gives lasting value and meaning and worth. Not the flibbin’ Wonderbolts!

I certainly don’t care for them. I barely care about My Little Pony, period. Yet here I am, still writing about ponies at 36. I just keep coming back; probably because I have nothing else going on. Because I still can't cut it as an adult. But, heheh, I guess that's how it's always been with me.

I couldn’t cut it as a bard; my aspirations were just some fat joke (ha ha ha). I got a job that was none too hard, left me unfulfilled (though very far from broke). So I flew across distant seas to the one place I was meant to be. Yes, Japan! My college plan;

My frickin' destiny!

Yet no real connections could be found: only loneliness and dread. *Sob sob sob* I didn’t bother sticking for a second round; I just came running back instead!

Now I’m back here at square one, with little to show for all I’ve done. An unemployed pathetic boy, oh god what have I become???

I, was, meant to be more.
Things, were, meant to be great.
There was so much to do.
Now it’s clearly too late.

There, was, meant to be more.
It, was, meant to be swell!
Now I'm just hating myself.
Stuck in my own little Hell!!

*Collapse*

Hah, hah, hah, hah…

I am reaching, but I fall.
As realization sets in.
That I’m some two-bit player,
In a game I can never win…

I’ll escape now from that world:
From the World of Compendium of Steve.

*Draws Pistol*

None will cry at my absence;
Not one soul will even GRIEEEEEEEEVE!!!!

*BANG!!*

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And that, dear judges, is called acting.

*Bow and a Flourish*

I say I have thoroughly made my case. Apart from the musical interlude, this story has primarily been focused on the Wonderbolts.

Only, you probably don't see this as a proper “story”. Merely a treatise, or at the very least the ramblings of a mad man who's gone wacky with the editing tools. Hmm…

Well, it wouldn't hurt to cover my bases.

Without further ado ladies, gentlemen, non-binaries and everything in-between, I present to you a story that encapsulates my findings in a more appealing, conventional format.

Enjoy!

The story

Mid-Autumn Manehatten, Equestria Approximately 2:15am, light drizzle

Two pegasi pushing senior citizenship looked at each other from opposite fire escapes affixed to the tenth floor siding of opposite hotels, separated by a nigh intimate three yards. Both of them had been staring down the barrel of mortality for the past few years, but in that moment they were staring into one another's eyes, experiencing a sensation not unfamiliar given the closeness of their careers and friendship. The location and placement was certainly different, but such considerations didn't register in either minds. No, something more nettlesome was occupying that real estate.

“Trouble sleeping, Soar?” Spitfire asked, settling on that simple short-handle.

“Yeah. Just can't deal with the city noise this time,” the stallion replied, absently rubbing at the mess of blue atop his head. “Though I've been having a rough time of it these last couple of days, if I'm being honest.”

“Same. One last fleeting hit of restlessness before the body settles in for the final sweet embrace.”

“I hear that. Still, pretty inconvenient when I want to get on with my dirt nap already.”

It's a brand of gallows humor borne and shared through years of understanding and respect. As such, her eyes and ears couldn’t be deceived.

“What's really on your mind, Soar?”

“I've just been wondering how it will do, in the long run.”

“You mean the team?”

“Yeah. It's in good capable hooves, and it's been around far longer than any of us. But, I don't know, I've been thinking how long it will actually last. Or, how will it end. If it will end.”

“You surprise me, Soarin'. I never suspected such depth existed beneath that perpetual bedhead of yours.”

“It's a recent development, trust me. I've had nothing to do but think with all this free time. Probably should take up fishing or tanning instead.”

“Or learning to bake your own pies. That's an option.”

“But that'd just depreciate the taste of those made by others.”

“Uh-huh; that's a new one. But, I hear where you're coming from. About the Wonderbolts, obviously.”

“Obviously.”

“But I say it's nothing to worry about. It has been here for hundreds of years; as long as Equestria, almost. And with Princess Twilight overseeing things, it's just gonna keep on lasting.”

Somewhere in the distant background, derisive laughter might be heard through the dronings and whines of nightlife.

“Now I'm curious as to why you're thinking about it now,” continued the former commandant, a bit of the insomnia-born fatigue slipping into her voice. “Apart from general boredom and old age.”

“That’s probably all it is, honestly.” Soarin' adjusted his hotel robe before looking up into the muted neon red, cavernous narrows of the architecture above. “Still… when it's something you've spent most of your life a part of, that's created much of what you are, can you ever not think about it?”

“I suppose,” Spitfire shrugged, her own robe shifting slightly. “Wondering how some things end; why they've been around so long; what it all meant, still means, will mean, whatever. Only natural for ponies to ponder that once in a while. Even ones like you.”

“Heh heh heh, yeah…”

The two former teammates and persisting companions fell into comfortable silence as they gazed elsewhere, mainly at nothing, unmindful of the rain. A moment of levity to inspect and file away musings unrelated to the conversation, or to most things. It had been said at least once that sharing silence was a more intimate means of connection than maintaining a constant flow of words, and in this lofted space at least, that sentiment rang true.

“What about you, Spits?” Soarin’ speaks, ending the break.

“Pardon?”

“What's your take: how do you think the Wonderbolts are gonna end?”

“I don't much see the point in me saying, Soar.”

“Just call it sleep-deprived curiosity. And I'd still love to hear, all the same.”

Amber eyes that had been honed to spot and anticipate obstacles at terminal speeds and pick out the most minute details, dimmed by age and weariness, slid their focus to some nondescript spot of brickwork. Spitfire sighed, tugged at her robe and, still averting her gaze, gave her response.

“All things end in some way, eventually. These buildings, this country, the world, every group and community and organization, all gone. Poof. In a few decades, centuries, heck, maybe in less than a week. But, even if they can’t be seen or heard anymore, they aren’t completely gone. You got dead languages nopony speaks, but ponies still know about them. Tons of scrolls and records have become dust, but some scholar or bookworm is aware that they had existed. That’s just the thing about, well, anything. Even if something is no longer physically there or in use, the memory, the idea of it sticks around. It might not be what it was originally, nowhere close, but some form of it remains. As long as there are ponies, griffons, Diamond Dogs, anything with a working thinking brain, nothing is ever completely lost.”

“What about when there are no thinking brains left?”

Another of her shrugs before swiveling those eyes back at his. “Then that’ll be it.”

Soarin’ chuckled at that. More of a scoff; he’s not had much cause or energy for a full-on chuckle as of late. But it was enough to bring back some of that previous levity, and certainly enough to turn up a corner of the retiree mare’s muzzle.

“But, there’s still tons of brains out there, and to my knowledge, most of them are pretty keen on sticking around as long as possible.” Spitfire added, raising herself up from the hooves resting atop the railing. “Like I said before: it’s nothing for us to worry about. Things are just going to keep going and going, until they don’t. But, for now, whether out of sappy old mare optimism or just to make a… regular sappy bookend to a topic, I can safely say that…

Friendship is Magic will never die.

And neither will the Wonderbolts.

Thank you all for your time and consideration; I hope the music choices were pleasing. Have a wonderful rest of your days, and remember this:

How Can You Wake Up
If You Don't Fall Asleep?

Author's Note

I still think about that one scene near the end of Asteroid City. The rest of the movie was charming and quirky enough, but that exchange about the cut dialogue? Peak cinema.

Seriously, go watch it if you haven't already.