The Best Joke Never Told

by Jest

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Discord, Main 6
Length: 2338

After having told the world's funniest joke, Pinkie Pie ascends to alicornhood. Discord is less than pleased by this.

After having told the world's funniest joke, Pinkie Pie ascends to alicornhood. Discord is less than pleased by this.

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Published 2024-04-11 23:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2024-04-11 23:20:03 UTC

Knock Knock

Pinkie Pie stood amidst her friends with a grin on her face and a can of pop in her hoof. Before her, the other five ponies and one dragon that made up the closest circle of friends were laughing their heads off. Howling in laughter, they grasped at chair legs, held onto the table or had given up and lay sprawled out on the ground.

Spike rolled back and forth next to a bookshelf, occasionally pounding a hand against the ground. Rainbow Dash sat next to him, laughing hysterically only to pause and wheeze as she struggled to fill her lungs with air. Applejack had tried to take a sip of water, but erupted in a fit of giggles, spraying the table before falling off her chair and rolling on the floor. Fluttershy held a book over her face, hiding the fact that she was laughing hard enough for her eyes to water, and tears to start running down her face. Rarity tried to fight the urge, holding back only to erupt with laughter, all concern for wrinkles or ruining her makeup forgotten. Twilight looked a mix of confused, and in the middle of a giggle fit powerful enough to make her horn occasionally spark with energy.

“Pretty good, right?” Pinkie Pie remarked with a smirk, pausing to sip her drink.

“Good? Sugarcube that was the funniest joke I've ever heard in my whole gosh darn life!” Applejack proclaimed.

“And then the stuff, with the… how did you come up with that Pinkie?” Spike muttered.

“Just came to me the other day,” Pinkie Pie replied with a shrug.

“You need to go on tour or something Pinkie Pie!” Rainbow Dash declared, flying up to her friend and punching her in the shoulder. “Everyone should hear that joke!”

“I must say darling for once Rainbow Dash is right,” Rarity added, dabbing at the corner of her eyes with a handkerchief. “You simply can't contain this amazing talent to just Ponyville. The whole of the world deserves to know your genius!”

“Well I don't know about genius,” Pinkie Pie murmured, scratching the back of her neck.

“Pinkie, that joke was so good you literally became an alicorn. I think it's fair to say that you are a comedy genius,” Twilight shot back, gesturing to the horn sitting on Pinkie’s brow and the wings resting upon her back.

“I guess it was pretty good,” Pinkie Pie muttered, a small blush creeping across her face.

“Good? That was the best gosh darn thing I’ve ever heard!” Applejack howled. “And unlike some of them so-called comedians, it wasn't some thinly veiled insult.”

“Or a pop culture reference masquerading as a joke,” Rainbow Dash added.

“Exactly,” Applejack agreed, clopping a hoof against the table. “I hate it when people do that.”

“It is unfortunate just how much of comedy is just some stallion being mean to people while standing on a stage,” Fluttershy added.

“And it isn't even insult comedy either!” Spike added, throwing up his hands.

“Yes, like that guy we saw in Las Pegasus,” Rarity stated.

“He was almost as good as that caricature artist,” Twilight pointed out.

“That mare was a riot! I loved how she gave Fluttershy those giant doe eyes. Perfect!” Rainbow Dash remarked.

“Hehe, she was a really good drawer,” Fluttershy murmured.

“I think we are getting a bit off-topic girls,” Twilight interrupted.

“Right, we were busy talking about how awesome Pinkie Pie is,” Rainbow Dash added.

“It was rather inspired darling,” Rarity stated.

“Thanks, girls!” Pinkie Pie bubbled. “I’m glad you liked it.”

“Liked it? We loved it!” Rainbow Dash added.

“Even harmony loved the joke,” Twilight interjected.

“I think it's fair to say that you are the funniest creature to ever live,” Applejack exclaimed.

“That's very kind of you to say but-” Pinkie Pie began.

Only to be interrupted by a sudden puff of purple smoke in the center of the room.

“Who dares attempt to take the crown of comedy from me… Discord!” Discord proclaimed, casting aside the wall of violet smog like it were a curtain, revealing that he wore upon his brow a golden crown bearing a large letter C.

“I’d save your breath if I were you Discord,” Spike began, the dragon standing up and brushing off his shoulders. “Pinkie Pie already took the crown. You just don't know it yet.”

“Yes darling I’m afraid you’ve been bested in this respect,” Rarity added.

“What? How can you be so sure? Pinkie is just a mortal… pony?” Discord muttered, his jaw hitting the ground the moment he laid eyes on the now-immortalized party pony.

“A pony yes, but she sure ain't no mere mortal no more,” Applejack pointed out.

“But… how… when did this happen?” Discord demanded.

“About an hour ago,” Rainbow Dash replied. “She told the funniest joke ever and then boom, alicorn. We’ve been laughing our butts off ever since.”

“That's not how this works! Twilight, tell these pea-brained fools that’s not how it alicornization works!” Discord pressed, picking up Twilight and shaking her. “Use that big brain of yours for something other than annoyingly correcting my grammar!”

“Alicornization isn't actually a word. The correct term would be immortalization as harmony can gift great power to creatures of other races, it just doesn't happen as often,” Twilight pointed out.

“Exactly, now tell Pinkie Pie to stop fooling around and to take those wings off!” Discord ordered.

“Look, Discord I’m as surprised as you are but immortalization can happen for a multitude of reasons,” Twilight replied, extracting herself from Discord’s grasp and brushing her shoulders. “The only real requirement is that harmony deems the individual worthy.”

“And trust us. She was sure as shoot worthy of them there wings,” Applejack added.

“Daww thanks Applejack. I really appreciate that,” Pinkie Pie muttered.

“Don't you worry about it none sugar cube. I’m just telling the truth,” Applejack replied.

“Save your nauseating pleasantries for when I'm not around,” Discord complained, green tongue rolling out of his mouth and hitting the floor.

“That wasn't very nice. You shouldn't demean the accomplishments of our friends,” Fluttershy remarked.

“Yeah, what's gotten into you big guy?” Rainbow Dash mocked, shooting the draconequus a smirk. “Feeling emasculated?”

“Pfft, no. Of course not. I’d never!” Discord proclaimed, his nose growing with each statement. “I'm just annoyed that some upstart punk is muscling in on my turf!”

“Hey, I’m not a punk! I’d describe my aesthetic more as candy core,” Pinkie Pie offered.

“Respectfully darling. I don't think there is any word or combination of words that wholly encapsulates your unique style,” Rarity added.

“Augh I’m talking about comedy you surprisingly well-versed dolts!” Discord proclaimed, throwing up his hands and catching them. “I’m talking about how Pinkie Pie is stealing part of my portfolio.”

“Okay first off,” Twilight began. “Gods having portfolios is from your ogres and oubliettes game. Secondly, neither of you are gods, she is the princess of laughter and thirdly you’re the lord of chaos.”

“I fail to see how that significantly dismisses my point,” Discord shot back.

“Chaos, laughter. They are two different things. Duh,” Rainbow Dash retorted.

“They are intertwined!” Discord proclaimed, tying himself into a knot. “Like the element of magic and being a buzzkill, or loyalty and going real fast.”

“I agree with that last thing at least,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

“That's not…” Twilight sighed and massaged her temples. “That's not how this works. Plus we don't have that kind of immortality, we are not the personification of some primordial force we are linked with it. Like how I am linked to the more abstract concept of friendship, and Pinkie Pie is-”

“The alicorn of stealing people’s shtick!” Discord interrupted, blowing a bitter raspberry at the pink alicorn.

Pinkie Pie slurped the splattered red fruit from her face and swallowed it in a gulp. “Oooh yummy,” she muttered.

“Stop engaging with my antics, I am trying to throw a tantrum here and you are not helping matters!” Discord shouted.

“At least he’s honest,” Applejack remarked.

“Look if this joke really is that funny then wouldn't anyone who told it turn into an alicorn?” Discord suddenly offered, gesturing about the room. “You with the head of eggs,” Discord pointed to Twilight. “Aren't you the least bit interested in seeing if it can be replicated?”

“I admit I am curious,” Twilight murmured. “I wouldn't wanna step on Pinkie’s hooves though.”

“That's okay!” Pinkie Pie offered, patting Twilight on the head. “If you turn out to have a talent for comedy I wouldn't mind sharing the stage. That just means there is more joy in the world after all!”

“Oh, you would say something like that,” Discord muttered bitterly. “Goodie four shoes having razafragging…”

“Anyway,” Rarity loudly exclaimed. “I say we go along with Discord’s little tantrum, if for no other reason then at least he will have nothing to complain about.”

“Ha shows how much you know!” Discord exploded, the draconequus quickly reassembling himself. “I have infinite complaints. Your hair is too bright. Rainbow Dash shouts when she talks. You uh…”

Discord tapped his chin.

“You’re curtains are ugly,” Discord replied.

“I bought those curtains for Twilight's birthday,” Fluttershy retorted.

“Augh they’re fine just tell the darn joke already!” Discord exclaimed.

“I’ll give it a shot,” Applejack offered, cracking her neck. “Alright, so knock knock.”

“Wait wait wait. The joke that earned the pink one alicornhood was a knock knock joke?” Discord exclaimed in disgust. “Now I know you all are pulling my leg.”

“Nope, that's just me! Sorry, you are just so stretchy,” Pinkie Pie replied.

“No it really was a knock-knock joke,” Spike answered.

“Okay fine whatever,” Discord dismissed. “Just get on with the joke already.”

“Yer supposed to ask who’s there,” Applejack retorted.

Discord rolled his eyes and came up with two ones. “Fine. Who is there?” He deadpanned

“I…” Applejack began, only to frown. “I’m not sure I can tell it right. Can't really do it justice to be honest.”

“What do you mean do it justice? It's a flippin’ knock knock joke!” Discord proclaimed.

“It's a really good knock-knock joke,” Applejack shot back.

“Fine, whatever. You, prissy one. Go!” Discord ordered.

“Okay,” Rarity agreed, clearing her throat. “Knock knock.”

“Whose there?” Discord tiredly answered.

“I…” Rarity paused. “Hmm, I really can't seem to do it justice either. When Pinkie Pie tells it she puts such emphasis on the little things that I simply can't replicate.”

“I know right?” Applejack exclaimed. “I feel almost bad trying to copy it. Like painting over a Mona Lisa.”

“Augh I am surrounded by idiots,” Discord muttered to himself, running a hand down his face and across the finish line.

“That was very mean Discord. Furthermore, I don't know what you have against knock-knock jokes,” Fluttershy pointed out.

“It's just… knock knock jokes are the lowest form of comedy,” Discord exclaimed.

“That's not the lowest form of comedy, this is the lowest form of comedy!” Rainbow Dash interrupted, farting on Discord.

“Augh I think I’m going to throw up,” Discord muttered, producing a fan from a pocket dimension and turning it on Rainbow Dash, sending the giggling pegasus tumbling across the room.

“Sure knock knock jokes aren't the most sophisticated form of humor but you haven't heard Pinkie Pie’s,” Rarity offered.

“I don't need to hear it to know its trash,” Discord dismissed. “Seriously, when was the last time a knock-knock joke earned more than a polite chuckle?”

“Just over an hour ago,” Twilight answered.

“I, but… augh,” Discord spat. “Honestly, it's like you lot don't know the first thing about humor.”

“Hey, I do too!” Pinkie Pie spouted, placing her forehooves on her hips. “All good comedy is just storytelling, with a bit of social commentary and a dash of disrupted expectations.”

“Wrong!” Discord shouted, only to recoil. “Wait, that's actually correct but not what I meant. What I meant was that jokes require them to involve someone present to be truly funny.”

“Or it could be a joke on the reader or veiwer,” Pinkie Pie shot back. “That's a kind of humor as well.”

“That's lower than fart jokes,” Discord remarked. “Fourth wall breaks and meta humor are so lazy and at this point, they’ve been done to death.”

“Look I think I speak for everyone here when I say that there is an obvious solution to this entire debacle that will solve everything,” Twilight offered.

“Oh and what's that? Are you going to close the gas leak making you all insane?” Discord shot back.

“I was going to suggest that Pinkie Pie simply tell her joke,” Twilight retorted, glaring daggers at the draconequus. “Unless you feel like crying and carrying on some more.”

“I do, but I will resist the urge for the moment,” Discord admitted. “Pinkie. You may dispense with your knock-knock joke.”

“With pleasure!” Pinkie Pie proclaimed, hopping into the center of the room. “Alright Discord… Knock Knock.”

“Whose there?” Discord asked.

Pinkie Pie took a deep breath, opened her mouth and

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