A Dadonequus Christmas

by CrazedLaughter

Rating: teen
Tags: Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Equestria Girls, Aria Blaze, Comedy, Adagio Dazzle, Profanity, Discord, Sonata Dusk
Length: 14292

Anon and Discord cross dimensions to fulfill a petty Hearthwarming desire.

(set in the Dadonequus series)

With Discord's ego on the line, he drags Anon along into the 'EQG' dimension to achieve his goals. However, said goals involve interviewing the Dazzlings, who are less than thrilled about the idea. Will Anon and Discord be able to gain their trust to obtain that interview? Who cares? We know that's not why you read these things by now.

Published 2024-04-12 05:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-07-11 07:50:58 UTC

Chapter 1 - The Quest for Ego

Author's Note

here it is, something i was mostly sitting on and editing and wondering if I should even publish. Updates will not be as frequent as the original base story, but I figured it might be nice for people who enjoy the back and forth between Anon and Discord, along with a new setting and characters to interact with.

Chapter 1 - The Quest for Ego

You were hugging yourself, walking in the cold snow, you were dressed heavily in multiple coats, a beanie, a huge scarf, thermal wear, pants, and snow boots. And yet, damn, it was still so cold. Didn’t help you were about the size of a seven year old. “Dammit, Discord, seriously? When you said we were gonna go on a dimension whirlwind adventure to find a gift for Fluttershy, I didn’t think you meant going into the mirror from another timeline. Why are we even here?” You were deep in a forested area in a park, at the dead of night. “What does this have to do with Fluttershy?”

Discord just looked down, rather boredly, at a compass. His skin complexion was a little sickly, but he was well dressed in a brown suit, pants, fancy shoes, a red tie, and a well groomed set of hair and goatee. He even had some snazzy white gloves. He actually looked sophisticated, if it wasn’t for his crazy yellow and red eyes. “Huh? Fluttershy? Actually, nothing, she’s not the one I’m getting a gift for this year.”

Wut? “Seriously? You always get her a gift for Hearthwarming.”

Discord suddenly looked back at you with a perturbed and annoyed look as he gripped his compass. “And that would usually be the case, if it wasn’t for the fact that Chrysalis chose to get her a gift before I could make my announcement. You know why she did that, Anon. Fluttershy is not hers to give gifts to! That’s my job.”

C-cripes, you take a step back in worried surprise. Then begin to give it some thought. “...Couldn’t you still just give her a gift?”

“Absolutely not! Trust me, Anon…” Discord said as he began to walk forward, navigating the trees. “My logic is sound. Sure, I could one up her gift with a superior one of my own, but then everypony would simply call me petty. No, instead, I’ll give Twilight a gift she simply won’t be able to resist going on about. She’s the princess after all, my gift to her will overshadow Chrysalis’s pathetic… Whatever it is.”

…Nice… “So you just chose Twilight to take away attention from Chrysalis’s gift? How is that not petty?”

“Because everypony will be so surprised I even gave Twilight a gift that they won’t even think about it being petty.” Discord says as he looks back at you with a grin.

…

…

Sure, in backwards as fuck logic, that actually works. Ugh, he’s so ridiculous sometimes. Even then… “Fine, whatever. But what are we doing here? Why in this world? Twilight has seen humans before, remember, Starship Troopers? Unless we’re gonna find and kidnap her other self from this world, then I don’t see why we’re here. Especially since it’s so damn cold.”

“Humans? Oh heavens no, Anon. As you mentioned, she’s seen your human movies, so there would be no point. No, instead we’re hunting a few souls that used to reside in Equestria, in both this and our timelines. We’re simply going to snap a few photos, and I’m going to need you to do an interview; then we go back. No chaos needed whatsoever.” Discord said as he slowly began to look forward, looking at a rather dinghy van in the middle of the park. “The chaos will come from Chrysalis realizing she could never match my gift giving skills.”

Souls? “Ghosts? What, in that van? Who gives a damn about ghosts? We have ghosts in Equestria, don’t we?”

“Oh, Anon, with such a lesser vernacular than my own. Souls can mean the living as well. In fact, it’s actually three souls we’ll be gathering information about.” Discord said as he began to snap his fingers. He suddenly seemed a little perplexed. “Hrn, it seems this ‘Christmas’ spirit is having an effect on my magic.”

“Seriously? How does Hearthwarming have no effect on you but Christmas does?” Like, how does that make sense?

“I truly have no idea. But if I had to take a guess, it might be the fact that all this good will and ‘spirit of the holidays’ is in the air.” Discord says as he raises his finger, twirls it, then takes a lick before shuddering at the supposed sour taste. “...Ehw. How positively dreadful.”

You just put your hand to your forehead and shook your head. “...And, again, how is that any different from Hearthwarming?”

Discord sighed at your ‘lack of understanding.’ “Need I explain my theory again? Anon, I need you to focus, for what lies within that tin can is beyond your imagination.”

Fucking christ, you swear he was just doing it to annoy yo-wait. “What do you mean? What three ‘souls’ live in there? And why do I have to do an interview? Why don’t you do it? It’s your gift.”

Discord once again sighed at your ignorance. “Because, Anon, I’m much too imposing, and quite frankly, too much of a patricianary being for those lesser than me to approach without hesitation. You, however, my adorable little boy, can extract exactly the information I need to ‘wow’ Twilight.”

You groaned as you trudged through the snow and took a closer look at the shabby van. “Okay… And, again, the three ‘souls’?” Damn, it was cold, you rubbed your gloved hands together. Man, things were easier when you were a pony. Or warmer at least.

“Isn’t it obvious? The sirens, of course. It’s been oh so long since I’ve last seen them. But, bah, I’m sure after so many many moons that they have forgiven me for my little mix up.” Discord said as he snickered.

Your eyes went wide as you turned your head back towards Discord. “The sirens? The fucking… Wait, the sirens? The Dazzlings?” They were canon to your dimension? Wut? Were they canon to the show’s canon? “You mean Sonata, Aria, and Adagio?”

Discord nodded as he stepped closer to inspect the van. “I believe that is their names, yes.”

Okay, he seems utterly nonchalant about that. Well, they weren’t dangerous, were they? No, you remember they lost their power after the movie. So, what? This is where they lived? This purple mystery machine looking van with some vomit green paint? You merely stared at the van for a while as Discord was snapping his fingers, causing sparks to fly as if it was an empty lighter. Suddenly, you feel a notebook and pen in your hands. “Wha? Ah, geez. Seriously? You couldn’t give me a laptop or someth-Hey! Are you expecting me to do ALL the work?! I thought I was going to interview them and you were going to write that shit down!”

Discord was only half listening to you as he was looking at his camera. “Hm? Wait, what? Oh no no, you’ll have to do all the writing since I’ll be taking the pictures. See, Anon, with this particular camera, I can take pictures of both their human forms and what lies underneath to further enhance our research. Besides, why are you getting mad? That pen and notebook is better than any laptop. They are enchanted to make sure you write down everything that’s important, even if it ends up giving you carpal tunnel.” Discord then stopped to ponder on that. “Hrn, I wonder how that’d translate to your hooves once we go back…”

You raise a finger to object, and to ask how the hell he knows the sirens exactly, but then you stop yourself. You knew if you asked him, then the only answer you’d get is his bullshit. Since you were going to do the interviewing, and you wanted to get back to Ponyville, you figured you’d just get this done and go home, damned be the carpal tunnel. Wait… “What are you doing?”

Discord was snapping his fingers once again until he formed… A taco? Oh no, come on… “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m using bait.”

“A taco? Why the hell-” Wait a moment, what a goddamn minute. “If this is related to Sonata, how the fuck do you know she likes tacos?”

“How do you think I know? I, and the Discord of this Equestrian dimension, introduced it to her. It’s how I first made contact with them, you know? I only needed to convince one to ensna-I mean, speak with the other two. Of course, this was many, many, many moons ago.” Discord said as he put the taco on a string of a fishing pole and held it towards the sliding door.

You narrowed your eyes towards Discord as you pointed towards him. “You fucked with them before, haven’t you?”

“Tch, vulgar language as usual.” Discord said with an eyeroll.

“You know what I mean! Discord, they aren’t going to tell us shit if they hate you!” You yelled back at him.

“Correction, they’d hate this dimension’s Discord. So there’s nothing to be angry about.” Discord said nonchalantly.

Your eye was twitching from how annoying he was being. “You did the same shit he did!”

“Correct… But to our dimension’s sirens. And who knows what happened to them, considering this human realm isn’t adjacent to our own reality. Really, Anon, can you stop your whining and just knock already?” Discord said as he waved his fingers towards you dismissively.

You gripped the pen and notebook tightly as you groaned and turned towards the door. You could have spent some time riding on Capper’s airship and hanging with the gang for a while. But noooooooooo, you had to agree to help with this stupid bullshit, because you thought it’d help Fluttershy. Good job, Anon, you’re a goddamn retard. You look up for a moment to see the taco dangling over you. You sighed, looked forward, and knocked on the van’s sliding door. “Hello? Anyone th-woah!”

In an instant, a familiar blue haired girl, with her hair down and in baby blue jammies, a coat over it, stepped out sleepily as she raised her hands to grab the taco, and yank it from the line. She then began to devour it in one fucking bite, moaning to herself. It was Sonata…

And fucking hell…

She looked pretty cute.

You were blushing just a bit, you had forgotten what the fairer sex in human form looked like face to face. But dammit, you would not let yourself fall for it. You’ve grown past this, dammit. You will not be seduced so easily! “Excuse me, miss! Can I have a mome-g-g-g-g” You were now deep red as she was rubbing her hands gently across your cheeks. You couldn’t even say a word as she suddenly brought her face closer to yours. W-what? This was so sudden, and…

And…

“Gyah! AGH!” You jumped back holding your nose in pain. She bit it! She bit your nose! And not in a kinky way! Did she think it was a taco?! And of course Discord was laughing his ass off. You were about to turn around and just stab him with the pen when Sonata suddenly became aware and awake.

“Hey…” Sonata was licking her lips and smacking her gums for a moment, as if she knew she ate something tasty. “Huh… What a weird dream, and it tasted so real, I swear I still got some sauce in my mouth.” She continued to taste the air for another moment before she noticed the two of you. “Hm? Hey, what are you guys doing out here on Christmas Eve? Like, erm, we aren’t doing any shows tonight or tomorrow. Which is kind of a bummer because I always liked the idea of Christmas… But we never celebrate it.”

Well, that was kind of on the nose. But dammit, just stick with the plan. Whatever this was, the Mane Humans can deal with it. “Um, sorry to bother you. But um, me and my partner here were wondering if you’d do an interview with us.”

Discord groaned as he stepped forward and took charge of the situation. He was grumbling about how that was such a lousy introduction from you. Of course, he then put on his sleazy smile and bowed towards Sonata. “An interview indeed, but allow ME to introduce ourselves first. I’m the renowned reporter, Mr.D! And this is my assistant. We have scoured the world looking for the most interesting story for our international journal. And you, my dear, have caught our eyes. In fact, it isn’t just you we’d like to interview, but your bandmates as well. We want to know every little detail. And if you’re wondering what the reward will be, well, I can tell you you’ll be acknowledged by a very well known and somewhat powerful princess. What do you say, will you help us make history?”

“Ummmmmm…” Sonata just gave a dumb little stare for a moment before taking a closer look at the both of you and pointing. “I think I know you.”

Both you and Discord were caught aback by those words. The both of you saying. “You do?”

“Mhmm, I know I do.” Sonata said with a sure smile before pointing at you. “You’re a child labor law violation! Oh, and he’s a serious example of how not to take care of eye infections.”

Both you and Discord just stood there, stunned. Well, she wasn’t fucking wrong, and you would have found that hilarious if it wasn’t for the fact that you came to the realization that this wasn’t going to go as quickly as you wanted.

Hoo boy, this was gonna be terrible.

Chapter 2 - The Veil Broken

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 3 - Anon's Power

“Hold it right there!” You said, pointing towards the girls like a cheap anime character.

The Dazzlings turned around, confused and perturbed by your words. Adagio looked at you with disgust. “What is it now, Twerp? It’s over, we’re not giving you squat.”

You snicker cooly to yourself as you wave your wand a bit. “To my Dad? Yeah, I get you. But see, I understand the situation. I know exactly what you want, need, and can’t go without!”

Aria just moved close to Sonata and whispered “What’s wrong with this kid? Does he think he’s some cartoon character?”

Sonata smiled adorably. “I like cartoons! I think we should hear him out!”

Adagio groaned as she looked over at Sonata with frustration. “Sonata, if he’s Discord’s kid, then he’s-Wha?!” Adagio and the other two step to the side in surprise as a small pyramid of briefcases, stuffed with cash, appear beside them. “The heck is this?”

“Aha! I see you’re impressed. Behold! Over a trillion dollars, enough to set you up for life, especially with the right investments.” You say, your wand pointing to the pyramid of cash. You then do a fantastic spin as you point towards their van, zapping it with another spell as the door opens, revealing an impossibly decadent and huge interior. “And why pay for a mansion when you can live in one that stays with you wherever you go? The van itself should now be invincible. Haha, watch out everyone else on the road!” You then point upwards as sparks fly up like fireworks. “And finally, the last gift for you all. A huge tasty supply of AGSDGFSDSDGSDF” You were then crushed by a bevy of tacos landing on you.

The three girls just looked on in utter confusion. Except for Sonata, whose eyes were wide and glistening at the sight of the large taco pile.

Discord just walked up to the pile and took a taco to munch on as he addressed the girls. “Yes, I know, it’s crazy how he keeps fumbling his spells. Though, to be fair, he has been a quadruped for so long he’s forgotten the consequences of pointing straight up.”

“Uh huh, and what is this all supposed to be, exactly?” Adagio said, unimpressed.

“What are you talking about, Adagio? Look at all this cash! This kid has to be legit.” Aria said as she began sifting through the briefcases greedily.

“I know! eeee!” Sonata said giddily “You can even smell them! The meat and cheese is so warm! I gotta have a bite!” Sonata rushed to grab a taco to eat, before Adagio grabbed her by the collar.

“Hold on, you’re not taking a single bite!” Adagio snapped as she pulled back Sonata. “And, Aria? Drop the cash, we don’t need it.”

“What do you mean we don’t need it? Are you crazy or something?” Aria said, utterly shocked Adagio wouldn’t just take the cash.

“Crazy? No. I’m also not stupid. How do we know all of this won’t disappear once we do the interview?” Adagio asked, staring over at Discord.

Discord groaned at her, then sighed. “If you must know, my son has been poisoned somewhat by the ideologies of pony culture. Namely the Princess of Friendship herself has influenced him, so much so it nearly ended our Equestria over something that could have been easily avoided. Something I’d never do, I assure you.”

“See?” Aria said, arms pointed towards Discord.

“Yeah, I get it. Fine, I’ll accept that he means it. But I’m still saying no.” Adagio said, to the surprise of everyone.

“What?! How can you say no to all this?! You’d have to be a fool to choose poverty over all this wealth!” Discord said, utterly flabbergasted and internally devastated by her words.

“Adagio… The tacos.” Sonata said with glistening sad and begging eyes.

“You wanna know why?” Adagio said as she violently pushed and pointed her finger into Discord’s chest. “Because knowing you’ll fail, knowing that this will crush you, and knowing how much keeping something that means so much to you away is all I could ever want for Christmas. Now go away! And take all this junk with you.”

“Adagio!” Aria said in a fit of rage. “You are crazy! He’s not even the guy that got us sealed!”

Adagio just crossed her arms as she looked at Aria boredly. “And? He was still a part of it.”

“Adagio, I’m usually always going along with what you want. But not this time! This can set us up practically forever! I don’t want to live another day in the gutter because you want to be sooooooo petty! Do you really want to give this up!? He’s willing to give us everything we could ever want ever!” Aria barked at her.

Suddenly, Adagio became blank faced, then an evil smile began to form. A cruel and evil little smile. “Everything we could want, huh?” Suddenly Adagio reached into the taco pile and pulled you out violently, grabbing onto the neck of your coat. “Hey, Squirt, you want an interview from us so bad?”

“Wha? What? What haprefidhiofhisdfo” Adagio was shaking you from your dazed state as she yelled the question at you again. “W-what? I mean, yeah. So, will you do it?”

“Oh yeah…” Adagio said with a snicker as she gently put you down. “But not for this. No, you want the interview? You give us a one way ticket back to Equestria, at full power. Break Starswirl’s stupid spell and we’ll spill our guts to you. How does that sound?”

“Oh.. Huh, that works too.” Aria said, seemingly wanting that as well.

“B-but, the tacos…” Sonata cried as she saddingly pointed towards the pile.

“Forget the tacos already! This is more important. So, what do you say, kid? I mean, it isn’t your Equestria, right? What do you care if we get back to it or not?” Adagio asked, her tone becoming nicer as she began to brush the meat and cheese off your coat.

…?

Uh…

You look over at Discord, who just shrugs back at you.

“Okay, sure.” What did you care? She was right, it wasn’t your Equestria. And since, as much as you hate to say it, it hasn’t been influenced by you in any way, they would surely just get their asses kicked and sent back here, or locked away in Tartarus. No muss, no fuss.

“Okay, sure? Are you serious?” Aria said, with heavy doubt.

“Yeah… ARE you serious?” Adagio asked, surprised herself by your casual answer.

You just shrugged. “Yeah, why not? You’re fine with it, right, Dad?”

Discord shrugged as well. “I don’t care, as long as I get what I want.”

“Huh… That was easy.” Adagio said with a shrug. “Okay, so give us back our power first. You know, as an advance, and we’ll do the interview.”

You raise your wand to cast the spell… Until suddenly.

“WAIT!” Sonata yelled out.

“Grrr, enough about the stupid tacos already, Sonata! We’re about to get our powers back!” Aria growled.

“But… What if he only agreed because he knows that by not influencing that Equestria in any way, we would just get our butts kicked and sent back here? Or worse, locked away in Tartarus? There’d be no muss, no fuss… For him I mean.” Sonata explained.

“Huh… Well, that’s the smartest thing you ever said… Ever.” Adagio said, actually impressed with Sonata’s deductions.

“It was? I thought solving that multiplication problem was much smarter.” Sonata said with a cute smile.

“You mean eight times nine?” Aria said with an annoyed huff.

“Yeah, the one you got wrong, Aria! That’s the one!” Sonata said ignorantly.

“Sonata, I swear-!” Aria was revving up a punch when Adagio yelled out at the both of them.

“Will you two can it!” Adagio bellowed at the both of them before looking at you with a venomous glare. “Should have known there was a trick.”

“Ahrm, if I may interject!” Discord said as he stepped up to your side. “He did offer you three amazing gifts beforehand. And he didn’t say that is what he planned to happen. Wouldn’t it be fair to say that your friend is merely overestimating Twilight, her amazing friend, and the rest?”

“Sure, it would be fair. But you’re not a fair guy, are you, Discord?” Adagio said, turning her glare towards him.

“Well, I don’t want to toot my own horn, but obviously not. But he is!” Discord said as he grabbed your shoulders and gave you a gentle shake. “Won’t you give him a chance? Don’t you want to return home?”

Adagio crossed her arms once again, and began to give it some silent thought. She outreached her hand towards Aria. “Aria, bat.”

Fucking hell! She was more stubborn than fucking Chrysalis!

“Ugh… Fine.” Aria groaned as she went to grab her bat and give it to Adagio.

“Wait!” Sonata yelled out once again.

“What?! What is it this time?!” Aria shouted at Sonata. “Because if it’s about tacos this time, I’m gonna give you the bat first! to the head!”

“No! This is more important! I know a way to make this all work!” Sonata said proudly.

“You do?” You said, confused. Like, seriously? What could she possisDFDSFSD

Sonata suddenly got on her knees and began to snuggle you, and like, really snuggle you. She was caressing your hair and rubbing your back as she blew softly into your ear.

G-g-g-guh…hmmnggg…

Oh god, oh god, she was walking her fingers suddenly on your chest.

Aria was actually disgusted by this. “Sonata.. You know, like… That he’s a kid?”

She then gave you a peck on the lips. WHAT THE FUCK WAS HAPPENING! You were putty in her hands…

Until suddenly…

“Yoink!” Sonata yelled out as she hopped back.

Yoink? Huh? Mnnnn

Mnnnnnn…

“Anon…” Discord said with a groan as he pointed towards Sonata “Would you snap out of it, please?”

Wut?

You looked up, and…

Oh no…

“Sonata, wow… Just, I’m… Okay, I’ll give it to you.” Aria began to clap.

Sonata was holding up your wand in victory. “Oh, it was nothing. I noticed how he seemed all gooey about me earlier, so I just worked a little magic and, well, we win! Now we can get all the tacos we want, forever!”

“Or…” Adagio snatches the wand, holding it up. “We take what we want, and conquer both this world and Equestria.” Adagio cackled before she brushed her hair back, looking at Discord. “Oh, and no interview for you.”

“WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU!” Discord snarled as he began snapping rapidly at Adagio, with no magic to make up for it.

Adagio just snickered at him, unimpressed. “Out of gas, Discord? How convenient.”

“No!” Fuck, no, how?! It was Cozy all over again! Fucking hell, it was worse!

“Well, good job, Anon, you doomed everything. Oh, also I’m telling Diamond Tiara about what happened. Shameful. Just. Shameful.” Discord said with rather sudden calm disappointment.

“Awww, don’t be so hard on the kid, Discord.” Adagio said as she held the wand high up. “Without him, we wouldn’t be making our universal comeback tour! HAHAHAHA”

Fuck! Fuck! You rushed to grab the wand from her, but Aria grabbed and held you by the head as you tried to rush forward. “Hold it right there, Twerp, you’re not going anywhere.”

NO! NO! NOT AGAIN! NOT… wait.

You were a human, humans don’t fucking fight fair.

And even then, these were girls. And as you thought about that, an old Dragonball Z dub began to ring in your head. You could hear Piccolo’s voice. It said…

“I know for damn sure you’re not familiar with this, but the cootchy is a woman’s weak spot. You punch her in the cootchy and it goes like ‘cgh chghu', and then she be falling down to the ground on her knees like ‘aah’!...”

It was your only hope…

You backed up your head and bit down on Aria’s hand like a dog, causing her to yelp and pull it back as she threatened you. But you paid her no mind as your rushed towards Adagio, who was about to point the wand at you. But you were of the right size, and you were quick and nimble, so you fling back your fist and slam it right into Adagio’s cootchy, as hard as you can, with a twisting punch!

Adagio suddenly fell down to the ground, on her knees, as she let out an “Ahh!”. You also swore you could hear some squishy sounds but your attention was now on the flying wand that fell from her hand. You ran back down in the confusion and managed to catch the wand.

Discord actually seemed wildly impressed, and clapped. “Amazing, Anon, simply astounding! A little too violent for my taste, but you could practically taste the chaos! And- wait, where are you going?”

“FUCKING RUUUUUN! FUCKING RUUUUUUUUN!” You yelled towards Discord as you made a mad dash in any direction, Discord following you as Aria and Sonata began to tend to the fallen Adagio.

Goddamn…what to do now?

Chapter 4 - An Explosive Finish?

“Goddammit! Goddammit, I fucked up!” You yelled as you sat on the end of a slide at a nearby playground. “How the fuck did I fall for such a cheap trick?!”

“Yes, it is rather concerning. I could nip that in the bud for you if you like. But then again, Fluttershy so wishes to be a great aunt.” Discord said as he paced back and forth in front of a pair of swings.

You just look up at him with a grumpy frown. Even after all that, he still wants to be an ass? “And here I was about to feel bad that we didn’t get the interview you wanted.”

“I need no tears for that failed venture, Anon.” Discord said with a sigh as he looked down, chin being held by his hand, as he looked down to the ground with a serious glare. “No, it seems there will be no celebration at all. It just wasn’t in the cards. I’m afraid we’ll have to abandon our quest for something much more important.”

Wut? “Wha, huh? You’re just giving up? That isn’t like you. Unless that something more important is capturing them for Twilight or something.”

“Ah, a very effective replacement of an idea, Anon. But, no, that isn’t it.” Discord then looks back through the hollows of the trees. “Do you not see how they live? One thousand years of… what? This? They’ve been abandoned, and much like someone great, they gave one last attempt to reclaim their glory and failed. But unlike said person, they have no one else but themselves.”

…Wut? “Uhhh, Discord? You alright?”

Discord looked at his glove hand, and clenched it as he sighed. “I’m perfectly alright, I feel at peace with myself, but troubled with what I have witnessed. Perhaps, if that other me had not done what he did, they would have had a better life.”

………Wut? “Discord. Do you feel, like, sorry for them?”

Discord looked back at you with tears in his eyes. “Yes.”

……………….Wut? “Do you, like, want to help them… Or something?”

Discord’s eyes shimmered. “Yes.”

…………………………………..Wut? “Discord, are you literally feeling humanity course through you? Like, the figurative definition of it?”

Discord fell to his knees and cried pathetically. “Yes!”

Oh god, he wasn’t used to being human in a pony-adjacent universe. Especially with Christmas going on. You sighed and walked up to him, patting his back. “Okay, buddy, I know how it is to want to redeem others so badly. I got your ba-” Suddenly, a loud snap and smashing sound comes from behind your head as half a bat flies forward past you. You look back with a blank expression to see Sonata holding a broken bat.

“Uhhh, aren’t you supposed to be knocked out?” Sonata asked as she held the broken bat towards you.

“No. And don’t ask, it’s a thing about my he-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING SNEAKING UP ON US WITH A BAT!?” You yelled out at her as the gravity of the situation dawned on you.

“Eep! Stay back!” Sonata said, holding the handle like a sword. “I still have the other half!”

You were about to call the whole thing off when you noticed something. It was JUST Sonata here, the other two weren’t with her. That’s odd. “Whatever. Look, why are you here? What, to take my wand?”

Sonata nodded quickly, still holding the bat handle towards you.

“Okay, that’s not gonna happen. Seriously, Sonata, do you think I’m just going to give it to you after you smacked my head with a bat? You know what? Fuck it, do you really think I’d let you conquer the multiverse just like that?” You said, angrily at her.

She just nodded again.

Okay then… “Well, no, that’s not happening. So just go back, leave us alone, and wallow in your own shit!”

Sonata recoiled at that, as tears began to fill her eyes. “Please, don’t! I need that wand, honest!”

This crap again? “You won’t get me this time. You could offer to give me a handy and I’d still say no.”

Sonata shook her head. “I-I don’t know what that is, but I would, anything. I need the wand, really! If you don’t, ngh…” She suddenly dropped the handle of the bat as she drooped forward. “Then Aria and Adagio are going to split. They haven’t stopped arguing since you both ran away. I’ve never seen them argue this bad, and I got really scared. Please, we’ve never been apart, and this is the only way to stop it from happening!”

“You’d give me a…” Wait, no. Huh? Woah woah… “You mean, if you don’t get the wand, you’re all just going to split up?”

Sonata nodded, tears in her eyes. “Y-yes… Adagio is blaming Aria for not holding you down when she had your wand. And Aria is blaming Adagio for being so petty in the first place. Everything you offered disappeared, and it really set Aria off. I tried to calm them down, but it didn’t work. So I took Aria’s bat and tried to, well, knock you out and take your wand. S-sorry, I just…” Sonata fell to her knees, crying again as she held her hands to her eyes. “I’m scared, I don’t want to be alone. And I don’t want them to be alone either. We’ve always been together. Always.”

Was she being genuine? You suddenly felt pretty bad for her. But even then, you couldn’t give up the wand, as it still sounds like it’d cause a multiversal meltdown. ”Sonata, even if you’re telling the truth, I can’t give you the wand.”

Sonata sniffed and sobbed. “I-I know, but I… I wanted to try to get it anyway.” She slowly stood up, and waved pathetically at you as she turned to walk off. “I-I’m just going to go. S-sorry, really. M-maybe I can convince them to still stay the night in the van… Maybe they’ll decide to stick around anyway.” She then let out a little whine. “I can just never have a Christmas where everyone is just happy for once…”

“Hm…” Discord suddenly rose up, and looked to Sonata as he gently called out to her. “My dear Sonata, how I sympathize with your pain. While we cannot give you the wand, perhaps we can assist you with this problem you have found yourself in.”

“H-hm?” Sonata looked back at Discord, her face flushed and tears running. “W-what do you mean?”

“Believe it or not. Anon and I have a great amount of experience with issues such as this. Redemption and all that. Did you know that I even managed to redeem the queen of the changelings?” Discord said with a large grin.

“Ugh…” You groaned as you brought your hand to your face. “You literally shot a poison dart into me, jackass.”

“Hey, whatever works.” Discord said with a shrug.

“Redemption? You mean, becoming good guys?” Sonata asked.

“It isn’t as bad as you think. You have the attention of those who care about you, you can have tea time, you’re invited to so many events, and you can still annoy those who deserve it and then hide behind your friends should it backfire. Trust me, it has its perks.” Discord said.

“I’d like that, actually. If it means we stick together, then I’m willing to try anything! B-besides, it sounds like it means we’d actually be able to celebrate Christmas. You know… If we had… Friends?” Sonata said with an unsure gulp.

“Ah, there it is, the magic word. Because, as we all know…” Discord’s fancy suit suddenly began to shimmer in gold as a golden top hat appeared on his head. “...Friendship is Magic!”

You groaned at that, but you also could barely hide a smile.

“Wow!” Sonata’s eyes began to shimmer as she brought her hands together in amazement. “That’s amazing! Thank you!”

“Ah, don’t thank us yet. We still need to come up with a plan, of course. Now…” Discord began to rub his hand under his chin. “What can we do to make this work?”

Hm, you actually felt inspired by Discord. You were ready to abandon this world and say fuck it, but whether this was genuine or the Christmas Spirit, you really felt the urge to help. “Hold on, Discord, I got this.” You wave your wand a bit, then hold it towards Sonata. “Here, take it.”

Sonata was suddenly surprised. “R-really? But, wouldn’t this just make me a bad guy then?”

“It’s alright, trust me. Take it back, and it should make everything better.” You tell her with a gentle smile.

“I… I dunno…” Sonata said as she looked away, unsure. But after a moment, she reluctantly took it. “But, if it means not splitting up, then I’ll take it. I-I’ll try to convince them not to do anything bad with it, okay?”

You just nodded, feeling sure of yourself. “It’s fine, just make sure they don’t end up splitting up, alright?”

Sonata nodded, and hugged you. “Thank you so so so so much! You can trust me, I promise I won’t mess up! Ohhh, this is gonna be the best Christmas ever!” Sonata jumped up with glee as she immediately made her way back towards the other two Dazzlings.

Discord just walked up next to you, and sighed. “She’s going to explode in front of them, isn’t she?”

“Yep.” You said nonchalantly.

“Don’t you think the whole ‘fake death’ thing is overplayed? Really, Anon, I expect more from you.” Discord said as he looked at you with fatherly disappointment.

You just shrugged. “Hey, to paraphrase you, ‘as long as it works’ “

“Touche” Discord lamented. “Ah well, let’s go see them grovel to have her back and repent for their trivial squabbles.” Discord, with his magic seemingly working again now that he’s given in to whatever he’s feeling, snaps his fingers, teleporting you both behind a nearby tree. You both could hear Aria and Adagio arguing still.

“He was a shrimp, Aria! How many times do I have to make it clear?! We were this close! This is why I always have to babysit you two! You both always screw things up!” Adagio shouted.

“Sonata almost got us the wand, you bonehead! And besides! How did you go down to a punch from a ‘shrimp’?! Oh wait, maybe if we had just accepted the kid’s offer, we’d be eating shrimp in a jacuzzi right now!” Aria fired back.

“And what, accept… This? All this? Getting tricked by Discord, defeated by Starswirl, then defeated again by Sunset and her dumb friends?! You so don’t get the point! This is why we’re over! And since the van is mine, you can go sleep in a motel or a trash can for all I care!” Adagio growled back at her.

“Fine! But I’m taking Sonata with me, you want to bash your head thinking about the past? Great! Super! But you can do it alone!” Aria said as she stomped and pointed at Adagio.

“Welp, okay, I can see why Sonata was upset enough to try to smash my head in with a bat.” You said, observing the two’s argument.

“Eh, I expected worse. Twilight could have this cleaned up in, I think, twenty two minutes or so?” Discord nonchalantly guessed.

“Yeah, well, we’re about to get this cleaned up right now. Sonata is coming. Just follow my lead.” Oh yeah, time to be a real prick.

Discord just yawned, but allowed you to lead on. “Yes, yes. Do your thing.”

“Girls, girls! Look!” Sonata yelled out as she ran towards the arguing pair.

“Sonata, will you be quiet! I’m trying to put Aria in her… Wait, what?” Adagio looked on over as she saw Sonata running down with the wand, held up high for them to see. “Well, well… Still wanna go, Aria?”

“Ngh, Shut up.” Aria said in a defeated tone as she too noticed Sonata running over. “How did she…?” Aria put her hand over her eyes to try to look closer. “That does look like the wand. Crazy, I never knew she was that good at taking stuff.”

“Look!” Sonata said as she jumped up excitingly, a small distance from the pair, pointing at the wand. “Now can you stop fighting?! I’ll make us a super taco supreme if you dooooo!”

Adagio actually smirked, impressed as she put her hand to her hip. “I guess I’m down for that. Oh and, Aria? You can stick around if you want. But from now on, it’s my way or the highway. We’re about to take this world by storm, and I don’t need you holding me back.”

“Wow, seriously?” Aria said with a snarl. “Sonata was the one who got the wand back, Adagio. Maybe she should be the one in charge for once, at least she got things done.”

“I’M IN CHARGE, ME!” Adagio suddenly snapped at her, pointing towards herself. “We’re the Dazzlings, as in, Adagio Dazzling. ME! I’ve waited too long for this, we all have! But if you want to change course? Fine! Go! But Sonata stays with me! You can go do whatever you want to do, solo!”

“Shut up, already! You, you, you, you! Your ideas stink, they always stunk! How about I take the wand, and show you how it’s really done!” Aria barked back.

“No! No! You’re not supposed to be arguing! Look, I have the wand! Didn’t you see it?! We’re supposed to be the best of forever friends! Stop talking like you’re not! If you want to take over everything, fine! But we gotta do it together! W-why…” Her words were falling on deaf ears as they continued to argue towards each other. “Ngh! Why?! What’s going to get you two to stop and make up! What?! Do I have to blow u-” And before she could even finish her sentence, she exploded violently as blood and guts sprayed across the snow. The wand flew upwards from the blast, with a flicker of light.

It was enough to catch the two off guard as the spray of gore flew around. Both of them looked shocked, horrified even. Aria was silent for a moment, before reaching towards where Sonata stood. “S-Sonata? Sonata? No, what happened?! She didn’t just blow up, right?! T-that didn’t happen, right?”

As the wand flew down, you appeared out of nowhere to catch it, just as planned. The perfect spell. “There we go, that’s what she gets for taking things that aren’t hers.”

“Y-you!” Aria pointed angrily, tears running down her face. “You didn’t! You couldn’t have!”

“But I did. What do you care? She was just an annoying taco girl, right? Besides, it didn’t look like you guys were really friends anyway with the way you treated her.” You say, looking at the wand as you gave them an arrogant smirk.

“N-ngh, S-... Ngh…” Aria fell to her knees, she couldn’t process what was happening as she looked down at the chunks of Sonata. “Sonata, I… I… This has to be a dream, right?”

You laughed evilly. “It’s no dream. Should have taken my offer. Ah well, I’ll leave you two to it then. Me and Dad are gonna get out of here now, I don’t want to deal with your pathetic tears.” Adagio just seemed to be in silent shock, and Aria was both livid and in excruciating agony at the ‘loss’ of Sonata.

“Sonata…” Aria couldn’t even muster her anger, she didn’t know what to do, she couldn’t process that someone she knew for so long died in front of her. “Sonata, I… Ngh, I didn’t even… I’m… Sorry.”

Okay, maybe you really did overdo it this time. Aria just seemed utterly broken while Adagio… Wait, what was she doing? “Adagio, what’s up? Got something to say? Anything?”

Adagio took a moment, then reached down to pick up a ball of snow that had some of Sonata’s blood on it. She then took a lick, almost confidently. “...Cherry.”

C-cherry?

“Adagio! What’s wrong with you?! How can you think of cherries when he… Ngh!” Aria held on to herself, feeling a flash of cold and dread around her.

“Ugh, Aria, you’re such a baby. Sonata didn’t explode, it’s a trick. Discord isn’t one to eliminate anyone, he doesn’t find it fun. I highly doubt he’d let his pathetic worm of a son do anything this extreme.” Adagio then looked at you with a confident smirk. “Am I right, Anon? That was your name, right? Gotta hand it to you, you almost got me. But if Discord got tamed by a bunch of pathetic ponies, then I really doubt you’d be much better than he is. Awww, look at you, it’s so adorable when someone else’s plan just falls apart. What? Did you want me to feel bad or something?”

Shit… “U-uhhh…” When you looked towards Discord, who was still hiding behind a tree, he was just mockingly clapping. Fuck, for once, you probably should have listened to him. You weren’t expecting Adagio to figure you out.

Adagio rolled her eyes at you. “Puh-leeeeaze, you’re so pathetic. I don’t feel bad over anything, ever. I could hear Sonata whining about us splitting up or whatever, because she just doesn’t put that much thought into thinking. It’s why you managed to trick her so easily. We don’t split up, ever. If they want to leave, that’s their 'choice'. But this right here? This is why I’m the leader, this is why they follow ME! Because I’m literally the only one who puts any thought into anything.” Adagio then looks at Aria with a dominating snarl. “And that’s exactly what I was talking about. You let this twerp trick you again! It’s like I said, if you had just held him down, we’d already be taking things over.”

Aria just sat on her knees, tear-filled, defeated. “Right…”

“Yeah, exactly, I’m right.” Adagio said with a self satisfied smirk. “So, why don’t you bring her back, and get out of our faces. I’m tired of you two jokers.”

D-dammit…

You didn’t know what to do this time. It wasn’t like anything was at stake, but to just lose, and leave things as they are? It didn’t feel good at all. You didn’t know how to follow up such a colossal failure. You actually wished Twilight was here, she’d know what to do.

But then, you felt the gentle warmth of a hand touching the back of your shoulder.

It was Discord, and he seemed ready to back you up. But, with what?

What was his plan?

Chapter 5 - Adagio's Wish.

Discord was standing there, staring down Adagio as the area around you began to darken, snow kicking up and swirling around, as everyone and everything else disappeared within the whirling snow. Discord and Adagio were staring each other down, and at this point, you had to wonder what Discord was cooking up, because he wasn’t throwing any one liners or anything like that, and it was becoming spooky.

Adagio just looked around herself, taking in the scenery as she was becoming more visibly frustrated. Then she heard it, you heard it, you all heard it.

The sound of jingle bells.

Adagio began to snicker. “Ooohh, okay, that explains it. You really are a loser, do you know that, Discord? What? Your powers are working now? Are you filled with all that Christmas nonsense? Oh, I bet you are. So, let me guess, are you going to show me my past, present, and oh so dismal future? Wait, wait! You’re gonna offer Sonata and Aria a ticket to Equestria, right? Oh, ho ho, hilarious. Let me be absolutely clear: They need me, even if I don’t need them. So stop wasting my time, and back off!”

She really wasn’t buying it, was she? You looked towards Discord to try to get a sign of what he was planning, but he was still in the same pose, looking epic as the wind blew through his hair and clothes. “Uh, Discord? Do you got a plan here?”

Discord finally spoke, rather seriously. “Of course… I’ll just do what I do best.” Discord then snickered, and looked towards Adagio. “So then, you really think I’d do something so low? No, as you have noticed, I’m filled with the cheer and wondrous feeling of Christmas. Such a wonderful feeling it truly is. And you know what that means, right?”

Adagio rolled her eyes at him, clearly disgusted and annoyed with his little speech. “What? Are you going to sing carols at me?”

Discord reached his hand out as the snow became a tornado. You couldn’t hold on anymore as you began to become swept up within it, screaming. Discord was taking it too far! Even Adagio was having trouble keeping her footing. But Discord, no, he just stood there as if nothing was happening and positioned his fingers for a snap. “No, I’m here to deliver your Christmas gift.”

And Discord finally did it, he snapped his fingers, causing the entire area to explode with snow, blowing you away as Adagio became buried in the white powder.

“Ngh, grrrr, Ragh!” Adagio growled as she smashed through the mound of snow she found herself under. “Discord! You jerk! Is that how you want to play?! Well, I got… Huh?” Adagio looked around. She was in a completely different place, on a high hill, with only a few trees around her. “...Great, wonderful. I should have followed my own advice and walked away. Uggghhh raggh!” Adagio screamed out in frustrated fury. “Where am I, Discord!? Where did you go?” Adagio began to look around, until she noticed something odd, the shining of stars within the sky. “Wait a second, am I even in the city anymore? I can see all the stars. Wait…” Adagio moved forward, feeling more and more odd, yet familiar. She came upon the end of the hill and looked downwards. “A town? It looks old, but the lights are on so its not one of those fake historic ones. Wait… That can’t be.” When she looked ahead, she could see a mountain with a castle city hanging along its side. “Am I… Home?”

Adagio was stunned, shaking even, as she slowly looked upon her hooves. They were hooves?! And she could see her golden yellow scales, and some of her snout as she tried to focus her eyes. “I’m home! I’m home!” Adagio was laughing giddily, floating around and then stomping her hooves along the ground. “Yes! Yes! Yes! That stupid Draconequus totally messed up! Hah, he DID try to bring Sonata and Aria here, but he brought all three of us instead! So much for Christmas magic! Hey, Aria, Sonata! Are you seeing this?!” Adagio looked back to find her two comrades, but they were nowhere to be seen. “Aria? Sonata?”

“Surely you’re not looking for those two, are you?”

Adagio looked to her side. She saw Discord, back in his glorious old form, leaning against a tree while eating a frozen apple cartoonishly contained in an ice cube. “I thought you didn’t need them.”

“Discord.” Adagio said as she snarled at him, furrowing her brow. “Are you saying you actually did me a favor for once? So what’s the joke? I know you didn’t actually leave them behind. This isn’t even real, is it?”

“I wasn’t lying, was I? I granted your wish. Utterly and completely, this is indeed the Equestria you were ejected from. Though, times have changed, as you can see. Still, you should be able to adjust without an issue.” Discord said boredly as he took another bite before tossing the apple core away.

“My wish? What does that even mean?” Adagio asked, seemingly confused by his wording.

“Wait, hold on a second.” Discord said as he held up a talon. Suddenly, the screams of your imminent touchdown could be heard from the air, as Discord out reaches his tail, and just in the nick of time, catches your plummeting pony body and gently puts you down on the snow. “There we are. Enjoy your flight, Anon?”

You were shaking, cold, icicles hang from your muzzle and tail. “Y-y-you’re an a-a-asshole.”

“Language, Anon, we’re on the clock.” Discord said with a grin as he snapped his paw, melting away the snow as he placed a foal sized coat over you, instantly warming you as he looked back at Adagio. “But anyway, I s-”

But Adagio just interrupts him, annoyed with his antics. “I figured it out already, sheesh. So you brought me, and only me, to Equestria? Wow, I thought you were dumb before, but this is something Sonata could never screw up, even with her low IQ. How exactly is this supposed to beat me?”

Discord shrugged. “It isn’t, I was merely venting out some unwanted and rather intrusive thoughts. You can do as you wish, I won’t stop you. Can’t let myself be detected by my other self here, you know? Although with Anon here, it would be quite fun to shock Princess Twilight all over again. She wouldn’t realize what was going on until long after I had my fun. But, then I’d end up confusing this Fl-”

“Shut up already” Adagio once again interrupted. “Nobody cares.”

Discord scoffed. “Well, you’re no fun at all. And to think, I was merely being a nice guy.”

Wait, was that the truth? You almost thought Discord was master planning making her feel like shit by making her come here alone. But she seemed completely unaffected other than being annoyed with Discord's bullshit. “Whoa whoa, hold on. Are you telling me you’re not worried about your friends?”

Adagio shrugged. “Why should I? I’m back in Equestria, I can do whatever I want now.”

Fucking hell! She was worse than fucking Suri! Even Chrysalis gave a damn about her hive. “Bull-fucking-shit!” You stomped on over to her as you pointed towards her with your hoof. “You’ve been with them for over a thousand years. How do you just drop them like that?”

“More like they held me down for over a thousand years. Do you think I was kidding about what I said? I don’t need them, but they always needed me. But hey, if you’re THAT worried about them, then don’t be. They still have the van.” Adagio said with a mocking snicker.

“So that’s it then?” Was it really? Was this all truly pointless?

Adagio laughed a bit, smiling at the new opportunities she had. “Yep. For you two that is, you can go. You gave me an entire town to entertain, and suck up all their essence for myself. I’m going to make Equestria all mine, and no one… No, nopony is going to be able to stop me!”

“Well, you have fun with that. Anon and I must be going anyway, Hearthwarming and all that.” Discord said as he snapped open a portal behind himself. “Come along, Anon, we’re done here.”

“What?! Are you fucking kidding me?! We can’t just go! We can’t just leave her here.” You yelled back at him.

“Of course we can. We did a good thing here, we granted the wish of somecreature who truly wanted nothing more but to come home. We accomplished that no problem. Seriously, you have no idea how much magic I had to do to break Starswirl’s little spell. I had to make it where those two didn’t exist, it was the only way to undo the seal. The seal was meant for three, so without the three, you have no seal. Genius, wasn’t it?” Discord said with a cruel smile as his eyes slowly shifted towards Adagio.

Wut?

“What do you mean ‘those two didn’t exist’. What does that mean?” Adagio asked. While her expression hadn’t changed, her tone of voice was suddenly becoming a little shaky.

“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about, nothing at all.” Discord said as he began to beckon you. “Anon, time is-a wastin’. We have to get home.”

Oh god, you finally realized what Discord’s ruse was. Was he given the power, through Christmas, to rewrite fucking reality? “Discord, are you saying you pulled a ‘reverse time change’ to make this happen?”

Discord nodded. “Is that a problem?”

It was finally starting to dawn on Adagio what the truth of the situation was. “Are you saying you just… Erased them? They’re actually gone?”

Discord nodded once more. “Again, is that a problem?”

Adagio became silent, she began to shake as her tail stiffened. Her eyes began to become unfocused as her mind ran wild in her head.

You had to wonder something. If Adagio was suddenly acting like this, then it could only mean one thing. “So that was your plan, wasn’t it? You end up here, wait for us to leave, then take enough power for yourself to break Starswirl’s seal and bring Aria and Sonata here.”

“You moron, I didn’t plan that. It just seemed obvious when he started talking his usual double talk. I just didn’t expect…” Adagio tensed, her fin along her back lowering as she came face to face with her own mistakes. “I didn’t know he was going to just erase them.”

“Which means you actually care about them. Can’t you see? You DO need them.” You say, trying to get through to her, empathize with her as you approach her miserable form.

“I have to admit it, you’re right. But I also know what I’d have to give up to make that happen.” Suddenly she slowly looked up at you with a vicious look. “How many times do I have to say that you can’t trick me?”

Wut?

Suddenly her tail whips towards you and winds around your neck, choking you as she holds you up towards Discord. “N-Ngh, w-what?!”

“How naive do you think I am?! Are you serious, Discord? You’re a goody dweeb now, you’re not going to erase anypony!” Adagio growled as she held you up and made you whine by tightening the grip on her tail. “But I’ll erase him, you know I will. This isn’t your Equestria, right? What do you care what happens to the ponies here? You bring back Sonata and Aria, and I’ll let him go. That’s the deal.”

“Well played.” Discord said, smirking, as he clapped his paw and talons together. “But I wasn’t lying. They don’t exist anymore, at least in any existing realm. I can’t bring them here, and unfortunately for you, I can’t reverse my magic either, not this time.” Discord shrugged. “Chaos is a fickle little thing.”

GHGFHGFHFHGFHFGHFGH

“And you expect me to buy that?! Don’t you care about your kid?!” Adagio yelled.

“I’m not afraid to admit that I do. But I also don’t really lie either, just mostly bend the truth, mostly. I suppose sometimes I do tend to lie, but this isn’t one of those times. The spell, and I want you to listen closely, is extremely complex to the point of absolute chaos. And I do tend to have an issue reversing those kinds of spells. Changing angry beavers back to their old selves? No problem. Putting their now ethereal forms back to the corporal plain? Well, that isn’t very chaotic now is it?” Discord said as he waved his paw around, creating a snow version of Sonata and Aria, before making them pop. “That’s just how things are, I’m afraid. Surely you know that I’m telling the truth.”

“So you want to stick to that, huh? HUH?! What did they even do to you?! What, why?! I didn’t… I didn’t mean… Ngh…” Adagio was finally starting to show cracks in her armor, as she slowly began to break down. “I didn’t want them gone, I didn’t, I never treated them harshly. I just… I, do, ngh. Do you know how annoying they could be sometimes? Sonata always being dumb, Aria always just messing things up and… And…” Adagio’s tail loosened as you fell into the snow, she started to cry as she looked to her own hooves. “I just wanted to come back and try again, I thought we could all do it together. I had been stuck as a human for so long, because of Starswirl… Because…” Adagio went silent for a moment, then shook her head. “Because that’s it, right? Because we were evil? And evil always loses, huh? We don’t deserve a happy ending. B-but it was such a good plan, I just… I don’t… I haven’t been alone in so long, I can’t… I can’t imagine not being surprised by Sonata’s tacos whenever there’s nothing to eat. Or Aria just shutting someone up with her fist, y’know, because some people just don’t get it. But she got it. They got it.”

Ogh, you were rubbing your neck for a moment, you thought you were done for that time. Adagio seemed to finally be grasping the situation. Though, even if she was, what was the point now? Discord was telling the truth, right? He can’t reverse the spell? That means no matter what, Adagio would be alone. You didn’t know what to say to her now that she had fallen. You had to find out for sure, so you walked up to Discord. “Discord, are you serious? You can’t reverse the spell?”

“Tch, I’m surprised you’re even entertaining that idea. How long was your brain without oxygen, exactly?” Discord said with a scoff.

“Dammit, Discord, be serious for once. I get that she was a total bitch. But you just essentially killed her friends! I didn’t want that to actually happen!” You yelled at him.

“Kill? That’s a little harsh, isn’t it? I did no such thing, that wasn’t even my intention. The lesson here was to show her what she wanted wasn’t what she wanted because she already had what she needed. It isn’t my fault that I can’t reverse the spell, it is how it is.” Discord said with a shrug.

“Then what was the point of casting it if she couldn’t even have what she needed?!” You shouted back at him, actually believing he may have gone too far.

Discord looked back at Adagio for a moment. She was crying at this point, she was apologizing to the air, as if she was talking to them. He then looked back at you. “The point was exactly what’s going on right now. My part is finished.”

“Grrr, Discord! What the hell does that mean?! Did you even realize that you couldn’t reverse the damn spell?!” You angrily growled at him.

“From the very start. I knew I couldn’t reverse the spell, I always knew.” Discord simply stated.

“Then why did yo-” Oh….fucking hell, he was fucking with you. “...I can reverse it. That’s what it is. That’s why you keep saying that you can’t.”

“Oh good, your brain is still functioning after all. I still think you’re being too forgiving too quickly.” Discord looked back at Adagio, who was now in total despair, she was just staring into the starry sky, utterly broken. “But then again, it seems her little revelation that she needs her friends is hitting her quite hard.”

“Look, I get that she nearly choked me to death, but after everything with Chrysalis, I'm used to it by now. So yeah, I’ll go talk to her.” You say as you place your horn on your head. You then look back at Discord with a small grin. “Good plan, by the way. I never thought bringing her here would have been an option.”

“Well, it’s what she wanted, right? Sacrifice, Anon, it is something that may give us what we want. But what we give away might be that much more important. It’s a lesson I had learned before I ever thought about bringing you to Equestria, so I knew I could apply it here.” Discord explained, his tone softening as he thought about THAT moment.

“I guess Tirek was good for something after all. Alright, alright, I’m really impressed, I mean it.” You really were.

“I know, I’m great. But come along now, we do have a schedule to keep.” Discord said to you as he pointed to a watch on his arm.

You gave him a salute. “Got it, you can count on me.”

Now it was your turn.

Chapter 6 - Christmas Finale

You slowly began to approach the distraught Siren. She was angry, crying, shaking as she hovered over the snow, looking at seemingly nothing. You had to be careful with your approach, as it was obvious she was quite volatile. You prepped your horn, placing it on your forehead and working up a spell you hoped would work and not in no way explode in your face. “Um, hey, Adagio. What’s wrong?”

Adagio quickly looked towards you, furious. “You’re going to ask me that?! You know what’s wrong, you little dweeb!”

Okay, okay, just keep your course. “I mean, do I? You got what you wanted, didn’t you? I personally don’t see the issue.”

“Yeah, yeah, I already know the whole shtick.” Adagio growled. “I made an ironic Christmas wish that blew up in my face. Yeah, I get it, I know. So just laugh at me and go away, I don’t feel like dealing with you right now.”

Hm, okay, that was unexpected. She knows the tropes, at least that's what it looks like so far. “I’m not here to make fun of you, I just want to understand what’s going on. I mean, if this wish was a problem, then why did you say that you could do things on your own? You were kinda treating your bandmates like crap.”

“Are you serious?” Adagio said, with actual disbelief in her voice. “Don’t they teach you little brats anything anymore? I’m a siren, they’re sirens, don’t you know what that means?”

You just shook your head, because you had no idea what that meant.

Adagio sighed, shaking her head at you as her tail swayed and her fins relaxed. “Once sirens come together as a pack, you’re together for life. Got it? We did everything together, we conquered together, we toyed with ponies as if they were nothing, we were unstoppable.”

“...Until you weren’t, Starswirl stopped you. But then, what happened? If what you said is true, then why were you treating them like dirt?” You asked, genuinely wanting to understand.

“Ugh, I’m not going to waste my breath on you. And whatever this psychotherapy thing you’re pulling is? Yeah, no, that doesn’t work on me either. I saw you put on that horn, I know you’re ready to pull another prank on me.” Adagio accused you, it almost seemed like she was just going to fly off to get away from you.

“I’m not, really! I really just wanna understand why and-NGH!” Suddenly Adagio pushed forward towards you, sending you onto your back and into the snow as she hovered close to you, face to face.

“I said be quiet, kid! How could you possibly understand anything?! You’re a stupid colt! You’ll never know what it means to be human, you’ll never understand how horrible it is! You just don’t GET IT!” She shouted towards you.

Your brow furrowed a bit. You suddenly realized what she meant, at least at a certain capacity. In Equestria, she was a hotshot. But considering what you saw in Rainbow Rocks, and seeing how they were now. Yeah, you absolutely understood what it meant to be human. “You’re wrong, you know. I know what it means to be human.”

Adagio seemed very confused for a moment, but ready to explode once more. “Seriously? You’re human for like an hour and you think you get it?”

“An hour? No…” As she moved away from you, you stood up and brushed the snow on you off as you prepped yourself. “This may surprise you, but I was born a human. I was a human, for almost half a regular human’s life, until I ended up in Equestria.”

“What? There’s no way, that’s impossible.” Adagio said, in full doubt of your words.

“Nah, it’s true. I come from an Earth completely disconnected from Equestria. My Earth is actually much much crueler than yours. Trust me, if you were in my world, you’d have been doing very degrading stuff, like, heinous, just to survive.” You explain to her.

“What? But then… What’s the whole thing with Discord?” Adagio asked, slowly becoming curious about your story.

“He brought me into the Equestria he’s from. It isn’t much different than this one. Heck, I think I’m the only thing that makes it different. But, yeah, uh, yeah, he brought me to Equestria. If you’re wondering why. Well, he pretty much wanted to impress his galpal pony and piss Twilight off.” You explain to her, giving off a bit of an embarrassed smile.

Adagio landed onto the ground slowly, perplexed as all hell. “Oh geez, nevermind, you had it worse than I did. Explains why your head is so tough. So many blows.”

Wut? “How so?”

“I mean, forget the fact you were human. You’re Discord’s slave. Makes sense now, actually. I was wondering why he was treating you like fodder. What with the tacos landing on you and he not really even seeming to care, or using his magic while not caring if you’re in the way or not. Even if he is a good guy, he doesn’t seem to have changed much. It kinda puts things in perspective.” Adagio said, as she actually showed empathy for your situation.

WUT?! She thought you were his slave?! Goddamn that was… Well, actually, she wasn’t far off when it came to the start if your relationship with him. As you thought about it, and thought of the next thing you wanted to say, things started to dawn on you about how that all went. “I guess, actually. I want to ask you something. What did being human have to do with Aria and Sonata?”

“What didn’t it have to do with anything, you mean. Being human is rough, especially when you gotta babysit those two. When you’re just a human, nobody notices you, nobody cares. You aren’t this big evil that everyone fears, and you have to work and scratch and scurry like a rat to just feed yourself. Sonata was always kinda being dumb and Aria was complaining all the time, all the planning and scheming was pretty much left to me, in a form that could pretty much do nothing but sing. But…” Adagio let out a sorrowful sigh. “That’s the lesson, huh? That’s why we lost against Sunset and her friends. We were the bad guys who were unwilling to change, and they had friendship on their side. You know, I didn’t even mean for any of this to happen, I thought I could just trick Discord into messing up his magic. He does that sometimes, you know? Even when he was a big evil guy, you either stayed away from him altogether and let him do his thing, or be stupid enough to try to trick him into something. That last part? That was pretty much impossible. But it seemed doable now that he flipped sides. I guess I was wrong. What I said about my friends are wrong. They’re pretty much my sisters, y’know? But after losing so much, I just, I just wanted to get out of there, and I stopped caring about everything else. But as a Siren, I wasn’t going to leave them there…”

…

…

“I think I get what you mean. I… Well, huh, man. Yeah, being an asshole does make things rough. Y’see, when Discord brought me to Equestria, he forced me to play the part of a cute and innocent colt. I did it, but it sucked a lot of the time. There were things I wanted to do, relationships I wanted to make, and I got annoyed with hanging around the other foals. I was selfish, and I took the friends I managed to gain through my facade for granted. And because I was unwilling to change, some managed to figure out I wasn’t an innocent colt, and they started to see me as a bad guy. Even going behind my back or even threatening to seal me up or send me back to earth. Looking back it all now, maybe if I had realized being a better person was the way to go, my human life wouldn’t have sucked too.” Wow, Adagio was actually teaching you something. That’s crazy. “But I admit, I like Equestria more than I do on my Earth. Though, that Equestrian-adjacent Earth doesn’t seem too bad either, I guess.”

Adagio sighed “It isn’t. I was just really bent on revenge to really notice the good those two do. I mean, Sonata can scrounge up food when we got none like it’s nothing, even if it is just tacos. And Aria can make things happen with her fists and threats. And, y’know, when I feel alone, they’re always there, even if I don’t want them to be. I mean, looking at things, Starswirl probably did us a favor.”

Wut? “Hm? A favor, how so?”

“Uhm, well, I’m gonna take a guess that whenever that princess rolled around, evil started to get its butt kicked left and right. Equestria seems so peaceful now, I don’t see patrols anywhere and Princess Celestia doesn’t seem to be on any kind of war path. I’m gonna take a guess that whole Nightmare Moon thing got resolved too, right?” Adagio asked calmly, this was actually becoming a really productive and fun conversation.

You nodded. “Yeah, she came back and got reformed. She’s back to ruling Equestria with her sister. Y’know, as Luna, and not Nightmare Moon.”

“I figured, the moon looks kinda normal and less spooky than I remember. If I wanted to look at things in a totally non-selfish way, I guess being stuck alone on the moon for over a thousand years is much worse than what we got.” Adagio said with a long relaxed sigh.

“Yeah, it really is. Princess Luna is still adjusting, even to this day.” You tell her.

“I see…” Adagio sighed and looked towards you. “Look, I know what you’re doing, you’re going to reverse my wish, right?”

Guh?! “Erm, I mean-”

“Save it, it’s pretty much what I want. You beat me, I lost, I get it. Besides, if Equestria is gonna be like this, then I don’t want to be here anymore, it’s boring.” Adagio said.

Well then, huh, this had to be the first reformation that became self-aware before you could actually do your stuff. Hell, she reformed so hard she made you realize why your past life really sucked. You actually learned a fucking lesson from this. “So that’s it then, you’re a good guy now?”

Adagio groaned. “Ugh, please, don’t say that. Look, I’ll change my ways, alright? They’re obviously not working. I’ll even try to make amends with those dweebs from Canterlot High, but don’t call me a good guy. I want to be what I want to be, and I’ll be what that is whenever I figure things out.”

Good enough. You just watched as…

“Adagio!” Said a cheerful voice from behind as hands wrapped around a sitting Adagio.

“Wha, huh?” Adagio was genuinely surprised. When she looked down, she could see blue arms around her chest. And her body, she was a human again. “Heh, oh, that was a dirty move, Anon.” And that was the secret part of your spell. Whatever happened, whatever was said, you were feeding Adagio’s words to wherever Sonata and Aria might truly be, risking everything in hopes things would go down the right path. Adagio slowly leaned back into Sonata, and smiled. “You heard everything I said, huh?”

“Yep! And I don’t even know how! I think I exploded into actual nothingness for a second, but then I heard your voice saying all those things. That we really are pretty much sisters sorta, and that you like tacos!” Sonata said as she nuzzled onto Adagio.

“I didn’t exactly say I like… Oh, never mind, it’s good to have you back.” Adagio said as she just sat there in the snow. “Aria, you’re not going to join in on this? Probably the only time in a long time I’m willing to be loved on.”

Aria was indeed there, standing there with her usual scowl. She just crossed her arms and turned her head away. “I’m good, I’m busy right now.”

You were stepping around to see why she was shivering. When you caught a glimpse of Aria’s face, she had tears running down her eyes. “Heh, looks like you’re busy keeping yourself together. C’mon, this is your big chance to hug things out! Everything is going to be okay now!”

“Wha?! GRRR!” Aria stepped up to you and grabbed you by the collar, lifting you up angrily and shaking you. “Shut up! I’m not crying over anything! Tell them I’m not crying!”

She was shaking you hard, geez! “Nghahhdhshdhsadlhasokay! OKAY! You’re not crying!”

“Good!” Aria put you down and crossed her arms, looking away towards the van, pointing towards it. “Now, if you want to make it up to me, you could do that one thing you said you were gonna do. You know, make the inside bigger?”

You look towards the van, then back at Aria. Christ, she went straight for that instead of joining the moment. But, should yo-Wait a second. Your horn! Your wand! When you were reaching for it during your contemplation, you noticed it wasn’t on you. You began to panic when you suddenly felt your forehead being poked by a stick. You look up to see Aria with your wand, poking you. “Erm…”

Aria rolled her eyes and offered the wand back to you. “Relax, I wasn’t going to do anything with it. I just wanted to show you what Adagio said was right about me. You also need to be more careful, you know? A mistake like that could cost you big time.”

…God.

You looked around to see if Discord could be seen. He was nowhere to be found, but you know he was laughing hard at you right now. “Y-yeah, I wouldn’t want that.” You chuckled sheepishly. You take the wand back and look towards Adagio. “You fine with me customizing your van?”

“Heh, you kinda have to. Aria did show you the ‘error of your ways’. You gotta be more careful, you never know who can trust with power like that.” Adagio said with a soft snicker.

Sonata released Adagio from her snuggle hug to hop around excitingly to ask for something. “Oh! Oh! Can I get like, a lot of tacos? Tons of tacos!? You know, in case we get hungry?”

You looked towards Adagio, who just nodded. Sure, whatever. You grant Sonata her wish, using your magic on the van and putting the tacos within it.

“Alright…” Aria said with a shrug. “And how about the money?”

Adagio chuckled with a sigh and put her arm on Aria’s shoulder. “C’mon, do you want to make things too easy? We’re the Dazzlings, we don’t need some shrimp to make things too easy for us.”

“Look, Adagio. I’m willing to go with the whole redemption thing, but we need some kind of cash. We’re flat broke.” Aria said, crossing her arms and looking Adagio in the eye with a dead serious expression.

“Fine fine. Hey, Anon, could you hook us up with some cash? Maybe, like, a thousand? I promise to put it to good use. Well, mostly, we do have needs, you know?” Adagio asked.

Should you? A thousand shouldn’t be too bad. But you also knew that theysda;ljsofjhdsfopdsf

“Pweeeease, Anon? You were a human, right? So, will something like this convince you?” Sonata leaned in and gave you a deep kiss on the lips. Sadly no tongue.

You just had the goofiest look on your face as you pointed your wand and produced two thousand dollars in a gift box stating it had two thousand dollars in it. “Sure thing, ahahaaaaa.”

Aria and Adagio were both stunned by that display. Aria had to walk up to Sonata and just ask her. “Sonata, you know he still has the body of a kid, right?”

“I know, but he’s but he’s older than us, right? So it’s okay?” Sonata asked.

“Er, actually, we’re much much older than him. We used to be Sirens, remember?” Adagio reminded her.

“Ooooohhh yeah, do I have to go to jail now?” Sonata asked innocently.

Aria and Adagio just sighed with a laugh. It was just laughs all around, like at the typical end of an old cartoon.

Time had passed from this point, but it was already getting late and the morning sun of Christmas day would soon be upon you. Aria and Sonata had called it a night at that point and went inside the van to be impressed for a while and then fall asleep. Adagio, however, stayed out with you a bit longer, for just a little more talk.

“Going home, huh? A shame, would have been nice to have you around for Christmas. You’d make a cute mascot if we got you a little costume for our Christmas show.” Adagio said, sitting next to you in the snow.

“Christmas show?” You asked.

“Yeah, might as well use some of that money for the good of others, right? Give them a kickbutt show to enjoy. But I get it, you gotta get home for Hearthwarming.” Adagio said to you, giving you a pat on the head. “Sorry about the interview.”

“Yeah, it’s fine. That was more Discord’s thing than mine, he’ll get over it. Tell you the truth, I didn’t think anything would come of this, especially when it came to making friends with you guys.” It was surprising, even to you.

“I guess that’s what Christmas does, it gives you the gift you need the most, when you least expect it. But, ugh, now I’m sounding too mushy. I’m just gonna ask this though, are you ever going to come back and visit?” Adagio said, looking at you with soft eyes. She actually looked… Man, if you had to start your life somewhere, it could have been at least in this world. Ah well…

“I’ll see what I can do, I don’t exactly have a way back here without Discord’s help, but I’ll definitely try to visit you guys someday.” You say, giving her a cheerful smile.

“Heh, I’ll be looking forward to it then. And, Anon?” Adagio suddenly hugged onto you, tears slowly flowing from her eyes. “Merry Christmas, alright? Don’t tell anyone a siren told that to you, okay? Just accept it, and… Yeah, yeah, getting too mushy now.”

“It’s alright” You tell her as you return the hug. “Merry Christmas to you too, Adagio.”

“Heh…” Adagio gently let you go. “Alright, ummm… So….” She began to look around aimlessly. “Where is Discord, anyway? You’d think he’d be a part of this. Or is he that much of a wuss?”

“Yeah, he’s kinda a wuss about these sort of things. But I can tell you he’s definitely around. So, before something happens to me, I just wanna say it was really great to meet you, Adagio.” You tell her, giving her another hug.

“Awww, Anon, you really do care.” Said a voice, as the body you were hugging felt sandy and poky.

“AGH!?! ARGH!” Dammit! You felt like you got poked by a cactus or something. When you looked up, you saw Discord in human clothes, sitting there in Adagio’s clothes as you found yourself in a void. “Really?! You couldn’t at least let her get her response in before pulling your crap!? You could have at least not fucking made me feel like a pin cushion”

Discord shrugged. “I gave you plenty of time to be alone with them. Though, I admit I was waiting to see if you’d betray Diamond’s trust, but you didn’t. Good work, Anon! Your Hearthwarming gift is I don’t tell her about Sonata’s ‘affections’ towards you. Isn’t that grand? I'll even leave an apology card for taking you away so suddenly, so they know they're in your sneaky little heart.”

“Yeah, it’s super…” You say with a sarcastic groan. “So, that’s it then, huh? Eh, whatever, I’m at least glad we managed to help them. But what about you? You’re not sour about not getting your interview? You know, we could just go back and ask Adagio at least, I’m sure she’d be willing to give it to you.”

“Pfft, who cares about that? Weren’t you listening, Anon? We have far more important matters to attend to right now, and we barely have time to deal with it!” Discord said as he popped open a pocket watch and gave it a look.

God, what now? “Listening to what? Discord, c’mon, I’m sleepy, at least let me go to bed.”

“Anon, you really are foolish sometimes. How can we go home when me, Discord, the spirit of chaos, is some kind of lowly music mogul in this universe! And even then, that’s not even the important part! See, I realized that giving Twilight that interview report really means nothing in the grand scheme of things. But to reform a version of myself, one who doesn’t deserve the name Discord, now that would truly astound her AND impress Fluttershy as a sort of utterly and completely unintended secondary effect that completely won't make Chrysalis's gift seem like nothing in comparison. Now then, this will most likely take up the entire moWAH! Ow! Anon! You didn’t have to throw thatGAH!” Discord was being pelted by tons of books, video tapes, dvds, and blu-rays. All of one thing. Seems he wasn’t a match for you in his human form.

“Here, All the “Christmas Carol” Scrooge crap you can put him through. I’m done for the night, Discord. Fuck off, I’m going home!” You say as you point your wand at yourself. And with all things chaos and Christmas, wish yourself back to your fucking bed.

“Well, that was rude.” Discord said as he just stood up from the pile and wiped himself off. “You give them the world and they still think you’re a terrible parent. Kids these days.”