Author's Note

Absolutely not canon, unless you want it to be. I wouldn't recommend it, though.

BEDLAM

There were hundreds of chambers in Canterlot Castle that no one was aware of. Places where secret and dangerous spells, tools, or in some special cases individuals were sealed. However, the dim, candle-lit stone chamber Celestia found her former pupil turned sole ruler of Equestria had an entirely different purpose. The ancient, glossy black stones it was constructed from were placed to ensure that any hazardous rituals would have their effects neutered should they go wrong.

And it was plainly obvious that Twilight had such a ritual in mind. Celestia had caught her in this chamber a few times during her early education, and each time she'd looked back at her in the doorway with abject shame written on her face at being caught. Now though, as she disregarded Celestia's appearance, she continued to scrawl the arcane circle on the ground all while wearing the same determined scowl she wore when he was mentioned or she was taking action against him.

And as always, even if she still had the authority to reprimand her or dissuade her, when it came to him there was little she could do to steer her away from whatever course she was taking.

"This sort of spell is," Celestia began, looking over her former student to study the circle with trepidation. "Not especially well tested, Twilight."

"I'm very aware of that," Twilight snapped as she added a series of runes Celestia hadn't seen in centuries. "Bedlam's secured the support of the new King of Minos, and Mount Aris just fell to him. He's making strides I never could have imagined." She paused and her ears shot back. Before Celestia could say anything to comfort her, she whirled around and jabbed the chalk at the circle. Her face was painted with exhaustion and fury.

"I can add a few safeguards to make it more stable, like limiting how long whatever it conjures is here for," she huffed, looking over her shoulder with a firm scowl. "Maybe twenty-four hours? That might be enough time for whoever or whatever this calls to help us." Celestia's ears pressed against her head as she studied the circle.

It was true that a demon summoning spell produced very effective results for the purpose you cast the spell. But demons being demons, keeping the fiend under control until they'd fulfilled their purpose and vanished was.. A challenge. Her own expression soured as she once again cursed the day the human fled with Grogar's Bell, and with it, all of her magic that could have been put to excellent use helping Twilight keep whatever came through the spell under control.

Then again, if Edward Bedlam hadn't fled with the bell, such extreme measures wouldn't be necessary. She clenched her eyes and quietly sighed at the thought as Twilight continued preparations. Because despite her objections, such extreme measures were likely necessary.

"Alright," Twilight grunted, casting the chalk aside. "It's ready." Celestia opened her eyes to scan the circle and nodded.

"It seems so," she murmured before noticing how still Twilight was. "Are you?" Twilight's ear swiveled, but she didn't respond for a few moments. Finally, she looked back with a weary, miserable look.

"As I'll ever be," she quietly huffed and sat on the edge of the circle. "He." She paused and her ears shot back. Her wings bristled and she took a deep breath.

"He had his chance," she finally declared and lit up her horn.

"That is incredibly hurtful," I declared, folding my arms and leaning back on my throne with a huff. "All I said was I don't get the numbers you're presenting."

"What it is is incredibly true!" Ernie spat, stomping his hoof on the stack of papers he'd brought in with him. "You a dummy if you can't wrap your big dumb head around something as simple as a standardized taxation rate on exports of wool and woolen goods!"

"Yeah, but Ernie, I don't see how having the taxes be collected in Threadbare by you is going to secure the benefits you're claiming it will," I sighed before fixing him with an incredulous leer. "Except letting you tell everyone 'ERNIE'S the tax ram NOW.'" He recoiled with a look of genuine shock and held his expression for a moment before his eyes darted around and he slowly gained a confident scowl.

"Oh! I, uh," he paused and pursed his lips before beaming and then glaring at me. "I see how it is! You gotta drag Ernie's name through the mud! You gotta launch a whole smear campaign against him!" He paused and looked off to the side in thought before nodding.

"Yeah, that's it," he firmly added.

"Yeah? Well, I'll tell you what," I spat back, leaning forward and jabbing a finger at him. Before I could continue, my hand began to fade away. I blinked and looked down to see my everything was beginning to fade away. "Wha-"

"Oh-hoh! I see! You runnin'!" I looked up at Ernie as he shook his head. For a brief moment, I swore he had a look of relief on his face. "You afraid of Ernie and his trade policy! You scared of a sheep with such a big brain!" He scooped up his papers and stuffed them into his saddle bag.

"ERNIE HELP ME!" I screamed as he turned and made for the door.

"Ernie tried to help you! Ernie tried to educate your big dumb self!" He yelled back as he kicked the door open. "But noooo, Peter Harlow gotta maintain his big dumb self! Peter Harlow afraid of change since he gon' live long enough to see its effects!"

"Ernie for fuck's sake-" Was the last thing I managed to get out before everything went dark.

"Aw, God damn it," I grunted. I scanned the darkness around me with a sigh. "Quilt? You fucking with me again?" No response came. I frowned and focused on our link, but nothing came of it. However, just as I was about to try something else, the darkness began to melt away. I blinked and turned to see-

"Oh, hey, Celestia," I said with a wave. "Hey, Twilight. How'd you do that?" The pair of them recoiled in shock at me. Celestia's jaw hung open while Twilight's eyes went wider than I'd ever seen them go.

Then she fainted.

New Twilight sighed hard as she sipped the tea I'd prepared for her. She hummed and leaned back in her seat. "It's excellent. Thank you, Mr. Harlow."

"Yeah, Frill taught me how to make it like that for when she's stressed," I explained, setting the teapot down on the little table the three of us were sitting around. After the initial spook I'd given them by knowing their names, we'd withdrawn to a cozy little sitting room to discuss myself and why they'd summoned me. New Twilight sighed and set her cup down before fixing me with an apologetic look.

"Sorry about pulling you away from your home," she muttered. I shrugged.

"It's fine. Ain't the first time I've been summoned against my will," I winked and smiled at New Celestia. "Then again, I was dead the last time, so I don't know if that technically counts as against my will." She tilted her head but said nothing. My smile faded fast and I sighed.

"So, uh, this Bedlam weirdo's been causing some problems?" I asked, causing Twilight to grunt.

"That's an understatement," she grumbled and shook her head. "If your version of me is anything like me, you should know how desperate we are if we're summoning a demon." She snapped up and waved her hooves.

"Or, uh, attempting to anyway," she hastily added before adopting a bashful smile. "Sorry."

"Attempt nothing! I'm the real demonic deal sister," I laughed and clapped my hands. "And yeah, I don't mind taking a swing at this guy for you." I tapped my fingers together and hummed in thought.

"You want me to drag him back here?" I asked. Both of them perked up and shared a look.

"Can you do that?" New Celestia asked. I smirked.

"If you have a picture of him, sure! That's easy," I replied. She stared at me for a moment before she frowned.

"I feel we should warn you first. In addition to the army of deadly machines and the servitude of three of Equestria's worst villains, Edward Bedlam has Grogar's Bell in his possession," she explained, her expression rapidly intensifying as she did. "And within it, he has all the power of my sister, myself, and Discord." I frowned at first before tilting my head in mild bewilderment.

"Who?" I muttered. They both shared a look before Twilight tilted her head at me.

"The Spirit of Chaos?" She offered. I narrowed my eyes in thought before wagging my finger.

"Oh yeah, my Celestia mentioned him once," I leaned my head back. "I think she said he tripped down some stairs and died or something." Both of them sat in stunned silence for a few moments, so I clapped my hands and leaned towards New Twilight.

"Anyway, you got a picture of this Bedlam guy?" I pressed. She gave a small frown before lighting up her horn. With a flash, a wanted poster appeared and floated into my hands.

"Will this work?" She asked. I raised an eyebrow as I studied the guy's face. I closed my eyes and focused on his name and face, casting out my Evil Eye and immediately finding him. Just like his wanted poster, he was in a pretty snazzy black outfit, not too dissimilar to my own, but with most of his entire head shaved clean and this real wacky set of blue-lense glasses on. I could already see all the oh-so-terrible magic gems he had worked into his outfit.

He was in some spooky James Bond-style lair, sitting at a long white table with that one hornless chick who was working with Adam way back when, some other unicorn, and a bulky red centaur with a metal arm. On the table were holographic maps of what I was pretty sure was Mount Aris, atop which was a projected chess piece shaped like some puny pegasus with curly locks.

"Normal human save for his smarts and crazy robot stuff. Should be a cakewalk," I thought before nodding. I smiled at New Twilight and New Celestia.

"Sure will. Be right back!" And with that, I warped over to the fucker. The unicorn I didn't recognize screamed as I appeared atop the table, the centaur leaped to his hooves, and the Storm Army chick lit up her prosthetic horn, adopting a hateful glare.

Bedlam, however, just leaned back in his seat to look me up and down.

"Who the hell.." he grunted and rolled his hand at me expectantly. "The fuck are you supposed to be?" I smiled and bowed.

"I am the Prince of Woollachia," I replied, looking up at him from my low stance. "My name is Peter Harlow, and-" He recoiled and waved his hands at me.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," he quickly said before frowning at me. "Woollachia?" I frowned back.

"Yeah?" I replied. He snorted and gestured with his hands.

"And what, do sheep live there or something?" He asked. I scowled and slowly nodded. He huffed and shook his head.
"Oh, brilliant. Yeah, we're changing that as soon as I take the place over." He rubbed his temple and muttered something. My scowle deepened and I stood up straight. His three goons were looking between the two of us.

"Mr. Bedlam," I said gravely, drawing his attention back to me. Fucker was smirking. I took a single step towards him and leaned on my knee, to the visible chagrin of his cronies. "Look into my eyes."

"Yeah?" He said with a shrug, looking right at me. I blinked when nothing happened and he sat forward. "What?" My jaw dropped.

"Uh," I slowly raised my hand in the gesture I'd used back in the day. "Look deeper?" He frowned and sat back before tilting his head. He grabbed the rim of one of his lenses and I heard a faint clicking sound as he seemed to rotate it. After just a second his mouth opened slightly and he pointed at me.

"Did you just try some kind of hypnosis on me?" I gawped and he scowled firmly. "Gem-lenses, dumb-ass. They can block a cockatrice, they can block you." Silence gripped the room for a few seconds.

"Aw, shit," I finally replied. He shook his head and waved his hand at me.

"Tirek, Tempest, kill this guy."

"Hey-" Was all I got out before the centaur and unicorn jumped forward. I quickly turned to mist and rolled out of the way before changing back and thrusting my hand at the pair. A surge of fire roared from my palm, and the unicorn backflipped away while the centaur locked his arms over himself and just braced against the flames, letting out a feral roar in response.

"Huh, that's interesting," Bedlam hummed and snapped his fingers. "Jury, record this."

"Okie-dokie!" The other unicorn chirped, galloping to one side of the table and clicking her hooves against what looked like a little gem-studded keyboard. I grit my teeth and gripped the gout of fire before whipping it at her. She squeaked and ducked under the attack, peeking back up at me in terror. My Evil Eye spasmed.

Silence gripped the room and I glanced back at my attackers. The centaur's jaw was hanging while the attacking unicorn's eyes were wide. Both slowly looked at where Bedlam was sitting, though the centaur was in my way and I couldn't see what the guy was doing.

Considering the centaur then screamed and scrambled to jump back, I had an idea, which was only confirmed once line-of-sight between us was restored, and I saw that Bedlam was wearing an even expression and had some kind of clunky-looking gem-covered gun aimed at me.

Oh, and my Evil Eye was screaming.

Despite turning into mist, the beam that shot from his weapon still stung much like when Karl had cut me once upon a time. Beyond that, my entire gaseous form was launched back by the blast and through several walls as his beam just tore through the complex we were in.

I gasped and braced against the wall, clutching my bloodied side which had only just begun to close itself up. My stomach was aching with pain and hunger because of course I had to get summoned before I'd had lunch. Regardless, I'd managed to slip off of the magic beam he'd blasted me with and rolled into the ventilation system of this place before arriving here just a few seconds ago.

I huffed and scanned my surroundings. I'd dropped into some storage room if the metal crates were any indication. There was only one door and the whole place was colder than the room I'd initially popped into, so I assumed it to be some kind of food storage. But as I mulled the room's purpose over, I spied what looked like a security camera in the corner of the ceiling.

"You gotta be fucking-" I blasted it with lightning just as the door slid open. I turned to mist and crept along the ground, my movements masked by the faint amount of frosty air hugging the floor. I hovered around for a moment before I saw Bedlam slowly creep into the room, blaster at the ready. He scanned the room and hummed.

"It's the damnedest thing," he declared as he slowly searched the room, jabbing his blaster around the crates as he went. "I can't actually see your magic signature." He stood up straight and frowned.

"Makes a man wonder what the hell you were throwing back there, and if it was even technically magic," he smirked as he continued searching and I drifted to a point where I was pretty sure I could jump him. "Which just raises more questions, doesn't it? For instance, what the hell you are, 'cause you certainly have a human's shape, but I've never seen a man with eyes or ears like those." I reformed in a crouching position and watched him through my Evil Eye.

"Really have to wonder what sort of place this 'Woollachia' is, y'know?" He hummed as he slipped around the corner and came face to face with me. We both moved in tandem, his blaster was raised, and my open palm swept across it, smacking the gun away. He recoiled in surprise as I then brought my hands together and thrust them at him, unleashing a blast of lightning and fire all at once.

The combined spell just washed around a barrier that suddenly shimmered to life around him.

I huffed and puffed and fixed him with an annoyed glare as he placed his hands on his hips and smirked, raising an eyebrow at me. Then I reared back and threw a haymaker with all my might.

Crk

We both paused and examined the cracks that sprung out from the point where my fist made contact. Slowly, I drew my fist back and saw his smirk had turned into a thin smile and his eyebrows were about as high up as they could go. There was now a serious cluster of breaks in his shield where I'd punched. It was my turn to smirk and he slowly held up his hands.

"Now, now," he said evenly, taking a single step back. I advanced a single step, beating my fist into my other hand. "Let's be reasonable."

"I dunno about that, Chief. How about-" My Evil Eye twitched and I narrowly ducked back as a beam of purple magic pierced the air where my head had been. Bedlam cackled and dove for his blaster as his angry attack unicorn came charging in.

My magic was faster than both, and Bedlam's gun snapped into my hand before being leveled at her. She gasped and hit the deck as the beam screamed out, cutting a hole clear through the floor. Once it faded, I took aim at her again.

"NO!" Bedlam screamed, tackling me and attempting to wrestle the gun out of my hand to absolutely no effect. However, as I pulled my fist back to deck him again, I heard a pop and glanced down to see he'd cracked one of the gems before he dove between me and the unicorn. I raised an eyebrow and pulled the trigger.

A lot of things happened then.

First, my Evil Eye caught on too late that my actions were very ill-advised.

Second, the gun exploded and I was engulfed in black magical fire that expanded in all directions.

Third, Bedlam and his unicorn friend were both blown away, saved from the worst of the explosion by his shield.

And finally, I was plunged through a wall and out into just enough sunlight to catch me on fire even more before I went through another wall and landed in a dark room. I sat there, listening to the gentle sizzle and hiss of my own ruined flesh and seething mentally at the whole situation. After some small amount of time, a door slid open, and I turned to see Bedlam and his two unicorn friends peering in at me.

"Lucky son of a bitch," I gurgled, my body crinkling and crackling as I sat up to glare at him. My arm immediately gave out and snapped in two, causing me to fall over. I grunted and looked him up and down as he did the same to me, albeit with a thoroughly disturbed look on his face. "You win this round, pal."

With another huff, I focused on New Twilight's face and warped back to Canterlot.

I moaned and gently sipped from the IV bag of blood New Twilight had managed to secure for me. I winced and inspected my still-blackened and partially skeletal form.

"How long did you say your spell'd keep me for?" I asked in a weak, wheezing voice. Her ears shot back and she sighed.
"Twenty-eight hours, give or take?" She looked me up and down and shook her head. "Based on the rate your body is repairing itself, I don't think that's enough time for you to try again."

"Nah, sorry," I sighed, managing a shrug that caused what was left of my left arm to crumble off. New Celestia hummed and scooped the bits up in her magic, gently piling them in my lap.

"Well, in any case, Mr. Harlow, thank you for trying," she offered with a smile. "I think I see something of what my other self sees in you." I responded with a smile of my own, though based on the way she winced and the noise my jaw made, not nearly as charming.

"Anytime, Lady."

"-and that's why I wasn't able to handle Ernie's tax proposal for you while you were away."

Graggle sat with his arms folded and a thoroughly unimpressed glare on his face. I wilted and turned to Quilt, Frill, and Cozy who had me fixed with a unified look like I was crazy. I threw my hands up.

"It's true!" I pleaded.