Eternity well spent

by Gormless Wheaton

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Profanity, Princess Celestia, Human, Anthology, Slice of Life
Length: 10372

The passing of time, no matter how great, is always eased by the presence of friends.

A collection of shorter stories revolving around the immortal Peter Harlow and those close to him following the tribulations surrounding his rebirth.

Updated as scenarios and situations occur to me that I'd like to explore or which amuse me. In the end, this is largely for my own creative enjoyment.

Unless noted otherwise, every story is canon but are in no particular order.

Published 2024-07-19 15:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-09-07 04:49:53 UTC

Thirty-nine

The moon was high overhead, casting the valley around Ramstead in a cool, white glow that complemented the early winter frost that painted the land. Despite the chill, Frill hummed comfortably and snuggled closer in my lap under my cloak and the blanket we had wrapped around us on the sofa I'd hauled onto this balcony.

I gently traced my hand up her side and rubbed her ear. Her wool had gone grey, but it was still as fluffy as always, if not more so. "Happy Birthday, Old Lady."

She scoffed and stretched. "Go to hell, you're fifty years my senior."

"Only on a technicality," I chortled.

"Meh meh mehmeh meh meh," she grumbled before bleating grumpily and smacking my shin. She sighed. "Seventy-two, Fleeces Tuft."

"And just as cute as when you tried to poison me the first time," I declared, twisting one of her fluffy braids around my fingers, the little golden ring she had woven into it clinking quietly against the one on my finger. She happily hummed and nuzzled my side. The winter wind was the only noise for a few moments.

"I tried blood again today," she suddenly declared. I blinked and looked down at her. She was staring out at the horizon.

"How was it?"

"Still awful. I know it's different for you, but just the," she paused and recoiled with a groan. "The thought, the feeling was.." She hummed in protest and I locked my hands around her.

"S'all good," I replied with a chuckle and gently rocked her. "It ain't that big a deal."

She closed her eyes and curled closer. "You say that every year. But what happens when," she whimpered. "What happens if I leave you all alone?" I looked down at her and met her sad, tired eyes with a smile.

"Then I remain grateful you stuck around as long as you did," I replied, causing her to scrunch her muzzle and avert her eyes. I rubbed her cheek with my thumb. "And besides, alone is a stretch. Cel and Lulu are still kicking after all."

She hummed and I twisted to kiss her on the head. "Plus, I could just have Quilt resurrect you."

She squawked and shivered. "Oh, very funny," she snorted. "Bad enough you have to bring her up and make me feel even older."

She grumpily bleated again. "Lousy demon-blooded witch," she took a breath and sighed which quickly shifted to a hearty, body-shaking yawn. "Goodness."

"Ready to go in?"

She shuffled in her seat and scooted further onto my lap, where she rested her head and shut her eyes. "Mm mm, a little longer." I smiled and nodded, and turned my attention back to the horizon, gently wrapping her braid around my finger again.

"Love ya, Prince."

"Love you, too, Princess."

Check

Sunlight streamed through half of the window beside our table, illuminating the sofa opposite my own, as well as its occupant who was fixing me with a glare just as hateful as my own. Despite this, Celestia was still smiling.

"An excellent move, Administrator Gilbert!" She chirped as she raised her tea cup. "You see? Isn't this a more constructive way to deal with your lingering resentment than just letting it fester?" We remained focused on each other.

A few months ago, Karl had talked with me about the Catican and its new leadership under Gilbert. Most notably, they'd elected to waive the grudge against me and instead leave my fate in Karl's hands, forbidding him from returning until I was dead. Queen Novo had apparently offered them a substantial boon in funding to help grease the gears of that arrangement.

But that all said, they still hated me. They were willing to cooperate with Equestria and its allies, and wouldn't actively send assassins after me, but they still hated me.

That, at least, was mutual.

"Yes, Princess," Gilbert finally replied and stroked his chin. The fact he still sounded like Gilbert Gottfried did nothing for my contempt of him. "Much more constructive. Because if we simply killed this vampire, I might never have seen how absolutely miserable he is at chess." He leveled a twisted sneer my way, which I countered with a scowl. Celestia meanwhile just hummed, closed her eyes, and sipped from her tea. As she did, I braced myself and reached to move my bishop.

I recoiled and winced as the sun was reflected into my eyes off a small palm-sized mirror that suddenly slipped out of his sleeve. As I blinked the stars from my eyes, I discovered I'd picked up a pawn by accident. Gilbert shot me a smirk, and I scowled again as I moved it one space.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Celestia furrow her brow and look between the board and me. Gilbert chuckled to himself and rubbed his chin in contemplation of his next move. I met Celestia's concerned eyes, which seemed to say 'What in God's name was that?' with a smile. She gently took the teapot and refilled her cup.

While her focus was on that, and Gilbert was reaching across the board for his rook, I subtly worked some magic and swapped his king for the pawn right beside it, which resulted in the piece being boxed in.

"And check!" He cheered. I hummed and scanned the board as Celestia sighed. Sure enough, his rook was lined up with my king, which itself was blocking the bishop I'd planned on moving a second ago. I smirked at the sight and moved my king a space forward, clearing a path for my bishop to his king.

"Mate." His smug smirk melted as his eyes locked on the board. Celestia leaned forward and blinked before fixing me with a critical leer. I smiled and held my hand to Gilbert. "This was fun. We should do it again sometime."

Slowly, he met my eyes with a dark scowl that slowly shifted to a grin. He reached his paw into his coat and scratched his side before grabbing my hand. As he did, I felt a mild burning like his claws had been poisoned with garlic.

"Sounds like a plan," he replied, managing to suppress a wince as I squeezed his paw. Celestia hummed and smiled.

"Well! I'm glad you two enjoyed yourselves," she chuckled. We both squawked as she smacked us in the head with her wings. "Next time, let's try not to cheat, however." We both flinched and turned to her, wilting at the sight of her critical glare.

"Yes ma'am," we muttered at the same time.

Conspiracy

"Isn't this cool?" Quilt chirped, beaming up at me. I blinked and leered down at her.

"It's a pile of syrup on leftover pancakes," I responded, gesturing to her plate with my ghostly arm. "You really called me up to your room for this?" She recoiled and scowled.

"Peter, it looks like Celestia." I flinched and checked again. I rolled my head one way and then the other. She rolled her eyes and waved her hoof over it. "See, that part's her mane and that's her horn!" I leaned closer and then drifted into the floor to look even closer. After a moment I turned to face Quilt, who was still smiling.

"I'm going back to bed." Her smile fell as I began to drift towards the door.

"WAIT!" She squealed and raised a hoof. I paused and looked back at her with an annoyed glare.

"What?" She blinked and glanced back at the clock by her bed. I looked between her and the clock as she stared at it in silence, her hoof slowly rising as it ticked on. I blinked. "What?" She raised her hoof and then nodded.

"Okay, never mind," she turned back to me with a smile. I glared at her before rolling my eyes and drifting away. As I flowed by to Frill and my room, I saw Cozy galloping towards Quilt's door.

"Morning," I called out, but she didn't reply and vanished around the corner. I frowned but then grunted. "Right, she can't see me." Shrugging, I flew back to my room.

Quilt and Cozy rolled on the floor with laughter. "That was perfect!" Cozy cackled and gasped for breath. "We timed it perfect!"

"He didn't suspect a thing!" Quilt wheezed and coughed before flinching and then snorting with an antsy smirk. She scrambled to her hooves and nudged Cozy. "He just screamed through our link. Get ready!"

Cozy squeaked and rolled over before taking a confident stance at the door. They watched the door eagerly, occasionally sharing a look and a giggle before shushing each other. After just a few moments, there was a crackling pop outside and a flash of red between the cracks of the door. Immediately after, the door was violently kicked open as Peter took a single, thunderous step inside.

Under one arm, he held a half-awake Frill, who scanned the room with lidded eyes and bewilderment. With his free hand, he jabbed a damning finger at Cozy and worked a venomous snarl onto his face, which was decorated with thick black pen strokes, forming a fake mustache and glasses.

"You," he hissed.

"Me," Cozy hissed back. His lip twitched and he stalked forward. In response, Cozy pulled out and thrust her cutie-fix at him. "HA!"

"hAAgh!" He shrieked, stumbled back, and held up Frill as a shield.

"Fwaa?" The sleepy ewe murmured. Cozy barked a laugh in victory before she and Quilt galloped out of the room.

"You'll never take me alive, Demon!" Cozy screamed.

"Learn to lock your door, you bozo!" Quilt added.

"Get back here!" Peter roared as he took off after them. Frill blinked and looked up at him as he ran after the pair.

"W'a happen'?" She yawned.

"A conspiracy!" He spat shaking his free fist at the laughing and fleeing sheep. "A vile conspiracy!"

"Oh," Frill murmured and relaxed in his grip, trying to fall asleep again.

Alone Together

I frowned at the slightly translucent wall before me. Reaching forward and knocking on it produced a warble. I pressed against with with both hands and heaved with all my might, to no avail.

"Cel wasn't kidding," I huffed causing a faint stream of fog from my breath, and turned to the dog guards in the forest with me. "Nothing's getting through this thing." Gorgal, the Doberman General Officer of the Woollachian defense force adjusted the minotaur rifle on his back and his flat cap.

"Prince, are you able to peer through the barrier?" He asked. Frowning, I focused on Twilight, who I knew would still be inside. I shook my head at Gorgal when I saw only darkness. He hummed and rubbed his chin. "Princess Twilight must have been very desperate to weave something like this." I took a breath, studied the barrier for a moment, and sighed.

"Cel implied as much. Speaking of, we should probably get back to her."

"Yes, sir."

We marched in general silence through the moonlight woods around Woollachia until we breached into the valley the country sat in. From here, the vast barrier that now allegedly covered all of Equestria was visible. The patrol I'd requested investigate the barrier with me saluted before returning to their posts throughout the country, while those returning to Ramstead gathered close to me. With a thought, we were back in the courtyard where Celestia and a few of the maids were waiting despite the cold of autumn.

"Welcome back, Prince Peter!" Rug greeted after blowing the shaggy wool from her head out of her eyes. I gave her a smile and a nod before turning to Celestia. Her attention was firmly locked on the shimmering dome far to the east, and her face was tired. Her mane no longer flowed on a magical breeze, instead only shifting slightly with her heavy and exhausted breathing.

The castle dogs and Gorgal shuffled inside, followed by the maids, leaving us alone and in silence. I stepped next to her and tilted my head to try and meet her eyes. "Hey." Her ear swiveled, which was the only reaction she gave.

I sighed and gently rested a hand on her back. "It's pretty late, and you said you flew the whole way here. Why don't we find you something to eat?" She didn't respond, but rose to her hooves after a moment and slowly trotted with me inside.

"So, she's that bitch I saw in Tartarus way back when?" I muttered.

"Yes, that was her," Celestia explained, her eyes lost in the cup of tea Rug had poured for her. She occasionally weakly picked at the plate of potatoes beside the cup with her fork. "I believe I wrote to you about the social issues Equestria was facing a few months ago. It's now apparent that she was behind them all." I furrowed my brow as I listened with my head resting on my hand.

"She was using magic to grow strong by feeding on the unrest throughout Equestria like a raging fire being stoked with kindling," she explained before pausing for a minute or two. Finally, she quietly sighed and continued. "That barrier was our last resort to sever her connection to the land, which would extinguish the greater scope of her power."

"I was pursuing a rumor of Opaline's presence in the badlands when the spell was cast," she added, looking up to meet my eyes. "I now suspect the rumor was a distraction, allowing her to invade while I was away."

"So you got locked out?" I asked, causing her to close her eyes and slowly nod.

"It must have been urgent. Perhaps she was right at the threshold of Canterlot?" she muttered and shrugged. "In any case, the spell would have cast her out, however, while it remains in place, it must also repel all those outside. At least until her magic is weak enough for us to overcome."

She clenched her eyes. "And there is no telling how long that will take." Her head hung. I stared at her as she sat there miserably, digesting everything she'd said.

"I must apologize, Peter," she finally said, drawing me out of my thoughts. Her head was still hanging. "I haven't even responded to your letters in weeks, and now I show up on your doorstep requesting shelter."

I scoffed and reached over the table to rub her shoulder. "Ain't that big a deal. You've been busy."

"That's no excuse."

I warped next to her and wrapped my arm around her. "That's every excuse, at least in this context," I replied. She stared ahead for a moment before turning to meet my eyes. I smiled. "But hey, you do have a point. You probably don't know half of the stuff that's been happening around here!"

I jostled her slightly, drawing a hum from her. "So, how about you get some rest and tomorrow I'll conjure some clouds and give you a tour of the whole place?" She considered me for a moment. "Help you get your mind off things, y'know?"

She took a shallow breath and then nodded. "Alright."

"But, isn't this Quilt's room?" Celestia asked as she followed me through the door. I waved a hand at her as I set the burning candelabra providing light to the room on the table.

"Yeah, but it's also the biggest bed in the place and I want you to be comfortable," I cast a smile her way. "Besides, Quilt's over in the Katskills for a few more weeks, and I don't think she'd mind." She gave me an unconvinced look before relenting with a small nod. She scanned the rest of the room as she approached the bed.

"Your new maids certainly seem adept at keeping up with her," she said, her attention drawn specifically to the table which had an almost polished sheen to it. I considered her words for a moment before looking around as well and nodding.

"Oh! You mean how clean it is," I offered, earning a nod from her. I laughed and pulled the blanket aside for her before moving out of her way. "Nah, believe it or not, they haven't had to come in here much in the last few years. Quilt started taking real good care of her room after Cozy and Frill passed."

She paused and stared off for a moment. "Ah, that's right. I," she closed her eyes. "I forgot. I apologize."

I shook my head with a shrug. "Apologize for what? It," I considered my words for a moment and the ring on my finger which I rubbed with my thumb. "It happens."

She continued to stare off to the side. "For bringing it up. For burdening you by-" I flinched and cut her off by warping next to her and hefting her up. She let out a yelp as I hauled her to bed.

"Nuh-uh, none of that," I declared and gently dropped her on the bed. She blinked and gave me a sad look.

"Peter-"

"Nah," I waved my hand pulled the blanket over her, and patted her shoulder. "Get some sleep, Lady. I'll be lurking, so call me if you need anything, alright?" I smiled at her while she considered me.

"Alright," she finally replied and settled into the bed. I nodded and patted her again before standing and making for the door, waving my hand to extinguish the candles on the table. As I crossed the threshold- "Peter." I looked back to see Celestia sitting up and giving me a teary-eyed frown.

"Don't go."

At Celestia's request, I'd moved Quilt's couch close to the window and drawn the curtains, giving her a view of the moon as it slowly rolled through the night sky. And so, there we sat, in a scene that I felt echoed our first meeting somewhat, only reversed. She was hugged up to me and leaning against me for support. I wasn't sure how long we'd sat there, but the moon was clearly veering toward its resting place by the time she said anything.

"I just," she murmured, taking a shuddering breath. "Until Opaline is defeated, they must keep that spell in place, and there's no telling how long that could be."

"Right."

"And I have no way of knowing what's going on inside," she added, pushing up off me and looking me in the eyes with her ears back. "I- It might be ages before I see Twilight, Cadance, or my sister again." I considered her for a few moments as I mulled over my response. She shook her head and looked towards the moon.

"Part of me hopes that Luna will realize what has transpired and pass through the barrier to find me," she quietly said, narrowing her eyes with a small frown. "But she has no way of knowing for certain if I'm outside or not."

"If it helps at all, when the day comes I'll be right beside you. Hell, I'll carry you home myself," I finally declared. She blinked and turned to look at me evenly. After a moment she managed a smile despite how obviously exhausted she was.

"It does. Thank you, Peter," she said. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the moon nearing its destination, which inspired an idea. I smiled at her and grabbed her hoof.

"Hey, let me show you something."

Dawn was creeping up on us, something Celestia completely failed to notice due to her lack of sleep and state of mind. But even if the sun wasn't rising on time, I had a pretty keen sense of when my mortal enemy was supposed to be around after fifty-six years of unlife. Despite her shock and attempt to hastily attend her duties, I urged her to hold off for just a few more minutes.

"What is this room?" She asked, scanning the dark-curtained chamber I'd led her to. It was bare save for the very plush sofa just before one of the heavily curtained windows. I led her to the couch and urged her to sit down.

"It's something Quilt made for Frill and me," I replied, sitting down and patting the spot next to me. She considered me for a moment before sitting down. Nodding, I worked my magic and pulled the rope of the curtain in front of us which then swept open, revealing the valley northeast of Ramstead which was still shrouded in darkness, save for a few points of light in the village of Ruffleton.

I patted her hoof. "Go ahead." She blinked and looked out the window before back to me.

"Peter, you'll die," she quietly retorted.

I smiled and wagged a finger at the window. "Quilt fashioned that chunk of glass with her alchemy. It let Frill and me watch the sunrise or sunset without it killing me." Her ears twitched and she considered the window with a quiet hum. I picked up and held her hoof. "Go ahead. Trust me." She kept her attention forward before closing her eyes and slowly lighting her horn. I leaned back, still with her hoof in my hand, and watched as the horizon was pierced by the sun's first light.

Celestia subtly winced but kept the spell going, and after a few more seconds the light of day properly spilled out onto the valley. I nudged her gently. "Take a look." She hesitated before opening her eyes, and let out a sigh of relief at what she saw.

While the window was clear glass, it refused any light to pass through, keeping the room dark and me from bursting into flames. At the same time, it gave us a perfect view of the valley, Ruffleton, the woods, and the mountain. The mountains were tipped with more frost than usual this time of year, painting the range with a sparkling white brush that glittered in the dawn's light.

Down in Ruffleton, little communal fires were lit to offer extra warmth to the sheep and dogs as they began their days, something I'd commissioned years ago despite their wool and fur. It was a mild boon to them, but to Frill, myself, and now Celestia it turned the village into something more picturesque than usual. The spaces between each cluster of homes and buildings flickered faintly before being overtaken by daybreak, revealing the whole town.

Celestia studied the scene in silence, her posture visibly relaxing at the sight after a few moments. "Quilt made this happen for you two, hm?"

"Yep," I sighed, still with her hoof on my hand. I looked over the valley with a sad smile and saw Celestia turn to me out of the corner of my eye. After a moment I looked back at her. "I haven't been in here since Frill died." I chuckled and rubbed her hoof with my thumb.

"No offense, but the sun's movements never really mattered to me much on my own," I explained. "Only if I've got someone to share it with."

"Quilt's been traveling a lot lately, and it feels kind of.. off hanging with dogs and sheep I watched grow up," I added with a quiet sigh. "It's nice to have someone around I already click with, y'know?" She considered me for a moment before nodding.

"Yes, I certainly do," she replied before returning her attention to the sunrise. I did likewise, and we found ourselves sitting in silence for a time. Eventually, she spoke again.

"You know, if this really has all just been one long con, as Vice Captain Sunbeam used to insist, now would be the perfect opportunity to spring your trap," she said, causing me to look at her in surprise. "I don't even have it in me to maintain my wards right now." She stared ahead at the sunrise with that same weary expression she'd had since she arrived, but once she sensed I was staring, she adopted a weak smirk and met my eyes, which had only a faint trace of the light they always had when she'd poke fun at me. I studied her for a minute before smirking myself.

"Finally," I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her close, drawing a yelp from her. Once I had her hugged close, I gently bit her shoulder for just a moment. She froze for a moment before groaning.

"You- Unbelievable," she sighed.

"Hey, you offered," I chided, still with my arms locked around her. She pouted for a moment before huffing and curling her hind legs up and relaxing in my grip.

"Yes, I suppose I quite literally asked for that," she sighed. She sat in my arms, just breathing and adjusting her wings. After a few minutes, I glanced down to see she was fast asleep. I hummed and relaxed in my seat, watching the sun for a few minutes.

I gently thumbed the ring on my finger. "Yeah. Nice having someone around I click with."

BEDLAM

Author's Note

Absolutely not canon, unless you want it to be. I wouldn't recommend it, though.

BEDLAM

There were hundreds of chambers in Canterlot Castle that no one was aware of. Places where secret and dangerous spells, tools, or in some special cases individuals were sealed. However, the dim, candle-lit stone chamber Celestia found her former pupil turned sole ruler of Equestria had an entirely different purpose. The ancient, glossy black stones it was constructed from were placed to ensure that any hazardous rituals would have their effects neutered should they go wrong.

And it was plainly obvious that Twilight had such a ritual in mind. Celestia had caught her in this chamber a few times during her early education, and each time she'd looked back at her in the doorway with abject shame written on her face at being caught. Now though, as she disregarded Celestia's appearance, she continued to scrawl the arcane circle on the ground all while wearing the same determined scowl she wore when he was mentioned or she was taking action against him.

And as always, even if she still had the authority to reprimand her or dissuade her, when it came to him there was little she could do to steer her away from whatever course she was taking.

"This sort of spell is," Celestia began, looking over her former student to study the circle with trepidation. "Not especially well tested, Twilight."

"I'm very aware of that," Twilight snapped as she added a series of runes Celestia hadn't seen in centuries. "Bedlam's secured the support of the new King of Minos, and Mount Aris just fell to him. He's making strides I never could have imagined." She paused and her ears shot back. Before Celestia could say anything to comfort her, she whirled around and jabbed the chalk at the circle. Her face was painted with exhaustion and fury.

"I can add a few safeguards to make it more stable, like limiting how long whatever it conjures is here for," she huffed, looking over her shoulder with a firm scowl. "Maybe twenty-four hours? That might be enough time for whoever or whatever this calls to help us." Celestia's ears pressed against her head as she studied the circle.

It was true that a demon summoning spell produced very effective results for the purpose you cast the spell. But demons being demons, keeping the fiend under control until they'd fulfilled their purpose and vanished was.. A challenge. Her own expression soured as she once again cursed the day the human fled with Grogar's Bell, and with it, all of her magic that could have been put to excellent use helping Twilight keep whatever came through the spell under control.

Then again, if Edward Bedlam hadn't fled with the bell, such extreme measures wouldn't be necessary. She clenched her eyes and quietly sighed at the thought as Twilight continued preparations. Because despite her objections, such extreme measures were likely necessary.

"Alright," Twilight grunted, casting the chalk aside. "It's ready." Celestia opened her eyes to scan the circle and nodded.

"It seems so," she murmured before noticing how still Twilight was. "Are you?" Twilight's ear swiveled, but she didn't respond for a few moments. Finally, she looked back with a weary, miserable look.

"As I'll ever be," she quietly huffed and sat on the edge of the circle. "He." She paused and her ears shot back. Her wings bristled and she took a deep breath.

"He had his chance," she finally declared and lit up her horn.

"That is incredibly hurtful," I declared, folding my arms and leaning back on my throne with a huff. "All I said was I don't get the numbers you're presenting."

"What it is is incredibly true!" Ernie spat, stomping his hoof on the stack of papers he'd brought in with him. "You a dummy if you can't wrap your big dumb head around something as simple as a standardized taxation rate on exports of wool and woolen goods!"

"Yeah, but Ernie, I don't see how having the taxes be collected in Threadbare by you is going to secure the benefits you're claiming it will," I sighed before fixing him with an incredulous leer. "Except letting you tell everyone 'ERNIE'S the tax ram NOW.'" He recoiled with a look of genuine shock and held his expression for a moment before his eyes darted around and he slowly gained a confident scowl.

"Oh! I, uh," he paused and pursed his lips before beaming and then glaring at me. "I see how it is! You gotta drag Ernie's name through the mud! You gotta launch a whole smear campaign against him!" He paused and looked off to the side in thought before nodding.

"Yeah, that's it," he firmly added.

"Yeah? Well, I'll tell you what," I spat back, leaning forward and jabbing a finger at him. Before I could continue, my hand began to fade away. I blinked and looked down to see my everything was beginning to fade away. "Wha-"

"Oh-hoh! I see! You runnin'!" I looked up at Ernie as he shook his head. For a brief moment, I swore he had a look of relief on his face. "You afraid of Ernie and his trade policy! You scared of a sheep with such a big brain!" He scooped up his papers and stuffed them into his saddle bag.

"ERNIE HELP ME!" I screamed as he turned and made for the door.

"Ernie tried to help you! Ernie tried to educate your big dumb self!" He yelled back as he kicked the door open. "But noooo, Peter Harlow gotta maintain his big dumb self! Peter Harlow afraid of change since he gon' live long enough to see its effects!"

"Ernie for fuck's sake-" Was the last thing I managed to get out before everything went dark.

"Aw, God damn it," I grunted. I scanned the darkness around me with a sigh. "Quilt? You fucking with me again?" No response came. I frowned and focused on our link, but nothing came of it. However, just as I was about to try something else, the darkness began to melt away. I blinked and turned to see-

"Oh, hey, Celestia," I said with a wave. "Hey, Twilight. How'd you do that?" The pair of them recoiled in shock at me. Celestia's jaw hung open while Twilight's eyes went wider than I'd ever seen them go.

Then she fainted.

New Twilight sighed hard as she sipped the tea I'd prepared for her. She hummed and leaned back in her seat. "It's excellent. Thank you, Mr. Harlow."

"Yeah, Frill taught me how to make it like that for when she's stressed," I explained, setting the teapot down on the little table the three of us were sitting around. After the initial spook I'd given them by knowing their names, we'd withdrawn to a cozy little sitting room to discuss myself and why they'd summoned me. New Twilight sighed and set her cup down before fixing me with an apologetic look.

"Sorry about pulling you away from your home," she muttered. I shrugged.

"It's fine. Ain't the first time I've been summoned against my will," I winked and smiled at New Celestia. "Then again, I was dead the last time, so I don't know if that technically counts as against my will." She tilted her head but said nothing. My smile faded fast and I sighed.

"So, uh, this Bedlam weirdo's been causing some problems?" I asked, causing Twilight to grunt.

"That's an understatement," she grumbled and shook her head. "If your version of me is anything like me, you should know how desperate we are if we're summoning a demon." She snapped up and waved her hooves.

"Or, uh, attempting to anyway," she hastily added before adopting a bashful smile. "Sorry."

"Attempt nothing! I'm the real demonic deal sister," I laughed and clapped my hands. "And yeah, I don't mind taking a swing at this guy for you." I tapped my fingers together and hummed in thought.

"You want me to drag him back here?" I asked. Both of them perked up and shared a look.

"Can you do that?" New Celestia asked. I smirked.

"If you have a picture of him, sure! That's easy," I replied. She stared at me for a moment before she frowned.

"I feel we should warn you first. In addition to the army of deadly machines and the servitude of three of Equestria's worst villains, Edward Bedlam has Grogar's Bell in his possession," she explained, her expression rapidly intensifying as she did. "And within it, he has all the power of my sister, myself, and Discord." I frowned at first before tilting my head in mild bewilderment.

"Who?" I muttered. They both shared a look before Twilight tilted her head at me.

"The Spirit of Chaos?" She offered. I narrowed my eyes in thought before wagging my finger.

"Oh yeah, my Celestia mentioned him once," I leaned my head back. "I think she said he tripped down some stairs and died or something." Both of them sat in stunned silence for a few moments, so I clapped my hands and leaned towards New Twilight.

"Anyway, you got a picture of this Bedlam guy?" I pressed. She gave a small frown before lighting up her horn. With a flash, a wanted poster appeared and floated into my hands.

"Will this work?" She asked. I raised an eyebrow as I studied the guy's face. I closed my eyes and focused on his name and face, casting out my Evil Eye and immediately finding him. Just like his wanted poster, he was in a pretty snazzy black outfit, not too dissimilar to my own, but with most of his entire head shaved clean and this real wacky set of blue-lense glasses on. I could already see all the oh-so-terrible magic gems he had worked into his outfit.

He was in some spooky James Bond-style lair, sitting at a long white table with that one hornless chick who was working with Adam way back when, some other unicorn, and a bulky red centaur with a metal arm. On the table were holographic maps of what I was pretty sure was Mount Aris, atop which was a projected chess piece shaped like some puny pegasus with curly locks.

"Normal human save for his smarts and crazy robot stuff. Should be a cakewalk," I thought before nodding. I smiled at New Twilight and New Celestia.

"Sure will. Be right back!" And with that, I warped over to the fucker. The unicorn I didn't recognize screamed as I appeared atop the table, the centaur leaped to his hooves, and the Storm Army chick lit up her prosthetic horn, adopting a hateful glare.

Bedlam, however, just leaned back in his seat to look me up and down.

"Who the hell.." he grunted and rolled his hand at me expectantly. "The fuck are you supposed to be?" I smiled and bowed.

"I am the Prince of Woollachia," I replied, looking up at him from my low stance. "My name is Peter Harlow, and-" He recoiled and waved his hands at me.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," he quickly said before frowning at me. "Woollachia?" I frowned back.

"Yeah?" I replied. He snorted and gestured with his hands.

"And what, do sheep live there or something?" He asked. I scowled and slowly nodded. He huffed and shook his head.
"Oh, brilliant. Yeah, we're changing that as soon as I take the place over." He rubbed his temple and muttered something. My scowle deepened and I stood up straight. His three goons were looking between the two of us.

"Mr. Bedlam," I said gravely, drawing his attention back to me. Fucker was smirking. I took a single step towards him and leaned on my knee, to the visible chagrin of his cronies. "Look into my eyes."

"Yeah?" He said with a shrug, looking right at me. I blinked when nothing happened and he sat forward. "What?" My jaw dropped.

"Uh," I slowly raised my hand in the gesture I'd used back in the day. "Look deeper?" He frowned and sat back before tilting his head. He grabbed the rim of one of his lenses and I heard a faint clicking sound as he seemed to rotate it. After just a second his mouth opened slightly and he pointed at me.

"Did you just try some kind of hypnosis on me?" I gawped and he scowled firmly. "Gem-lenses, dumb-ass. They can block a cockatrice, they can block you." Silence gripped the room for a few seconds.

"Aw, shit," I finally replied. He shook his head and waved his hand at me.

"Tirek, Tempest, kill this guy."

"Hey-" Was all I got out before the centaur and unicorn jumped forward. I quickly turned to mist and rolled out of the way before changing back and thrusting my hand at the pair. A surge of fire roared from my palm, and the unicorn backflipped away while the centaur locked his arms over himself and just braced against the flames, letting out a feral roar in response.

"Huh, that's interesting," Bedlam hummed and snapped his fingers. "Jury, record this."

"Okie-dokie!" The other unicorn chirped, galloping to one side of the table and clicking her hooves against what looked like a little gem-studded keyboard. I grit my teeth and gripped the gout of fire before whipping it at her. She squeaked and ducked under the attack, peeking back up at me in terror. My Evil Eye spasmed.

Silence gripped the room and I glanced back at my attackers. The centaur's jaw was hanging while the attacking unicorn's eyes were wide. Both slowly looked at where Bedlam was sitting, though the centaur was in my way and I couldn't see what the guy was doing.

Considering the centaur then screamed and scrambled to jump back, I had an idea, which was only confirmed once line-of-sight between us was restored, and I saw that Bedlam was wearing an even expression and had some kind of clunky-looking gem-covered gun aimed at me.

Oh, and my Evil Eye was screaming.

Despite turning into mist, the beam that shot from his weapon still stung much like when Karl had cut me once upon a time. Beyond that, my entire gaseous form was launched back by the blast and through several walls as his beam just tore through the complex we were in.

I gasped and braced against the wall, clutching my bloodied side which had only just begun to close itself up. My stomach was aching with pain and hunger because of course I had to get summoned before I'd had lunch. Regardless, I'd managed to slip off of the magic beam he'd blasted me with and rolled into the ventilation system of this place before arriving here just a few seconds ago.

I huffed and scanned my surroundings. I'd dropped into some storage room if the metal crates were any indication. There was only one door and the whole place was colder than the room I'd initially popped into, so I assumed it to be some kind of food storage. But as I mulled the room's purpose over, I spied what looked like a security camera in the corner of the ceiling.

"You gotta be fucking-" I blasted it with lightning just as the door slid open. I turned to mist and crept along the ground, my movements masked by the faint amount of frosty air hugging the floor. I hovered around for a moment before I saw Bedlam slowly creep into the room, blaster at the ready. He scanned the room and hummed.

"It's the damnedest thing," he declared as he slowly searched the room, jabbing his blaster around the crates as he went. "I can't actually see your magic signature." He stood up straight and frowned.

"Makes a man wonder what the hell you were throwing back there, and if it was even technically magic," he smirked as he continued searching and I drifted to a point where I was pretty sure I could jump him. "Which just raises more questions, doesn't it? For instance, what the hell you are, 'cause you certainly have a human's shape, but I've never seen a man with eyes or ears like those." I reformed in a crouching position and watched him through my Evil Eye.

"Really have to wonder what sort of place this 'Woollachia' is, y'know?" He hummed as he slipped around the corner and came face to face with me. We both moved in tandem, his blaster was raised, and my open palm swept across it, smacking the gun away. He recoiled in surprise as I then brought my hands together and thrust them at him, unleashing a blast of lightning and fire all at once.

The combined spell just washed around a barrier that suddenly shimmered to life around him.

I huffed and puffed and fixed him with an annoyed glare as he placed his hands on his hips and smirked, raising an eyebrow at me. Then I reared back and threw a haymaker with all my might.

Crk

We both paused and examined the cracks that sprung out from the point where my fist made contact. Slowly, I drew my fist back and saw his smirk had turned into a thin smile and his eyebrows were about as high up as they could go. There was now a serious cluster of breaks in his shield where I'd punched. It was my turn to smirk and he slowly held up his hands.

"Now, now," he said evenly, taking a single step back. I advanced a single step, beating my fist into my other hand. "Let's be reasonable."

"I dunno about that, Chief. How about-" My Evil Eye twitched and I narrowly ducked back as a beam of purple magic pierced the air where my head had been. Bedlam cackled and dove for his blaster as his angry attack unicorn came charging in.

My magic was faster than both, and Bedlam's gun snapped into my hand before being leveled at her. She gasped and hit the deck as the beam screamed out, cutting a hole clear through the floor. Once it faded, I took aim at her again.

"NO!" Bedlam screamed, tackling me and attempting to wrestle the gun out of my hand to absolutely no effect. However, as I pulled my fist back to deck him again, I heard a pop and glanced down to see he'd cracked one of the gems before he dove between me and the unicorn. I raised an eyebrow and pulled the trigger.

A lot of things happened then.

First, my Evil Eye caught on too late that my actions were very ill-advised.

Second, the gun exploded and I was engulfed in black magical fire that expanded in all directions.

Third, Bedlam and his unicorn friend were both blown away, saved from the worst of the explosion by his shield.

And finally, I was plunged through a wall and out into just enough sunlight to catch me on fire even more before I went through another wall and landed in a dark room. I sat there, listening to the gentle sizzle and hiss of my own ruined flesh and seething mentally at the whole situation. After some small amount of time, a door slid open, and I turned to see Bedlam and his two unicorn friends peering in at me.

"Lucky son of a bitch," I gurgled, my body crinkling and crackling as I sat up to glare at him. My arm immediately gave out and snapped in two, causing me to fall over. I grunted and looked him up and down as he did the same to me, albeit with a thoroughly disturbed look on his face. "You win this round, pal."

With another huff, I focused on New Twilight's face and warped back to Canterlot.

I moaned and gently sipped from the IV bag of blood New Twilight had managed to secure for me. I winced and inspected my still-blackened and partially skeletal form.

"How long did you say your spell'd keep me for?" I asked in a weak, wheezing voice. Her ears shot back and she sighed.
"Twenty-eight hours, give or take?" She looked me up and down and shook her head. "Based on the rate your body is repairing itself, I don't think that's enough time for you to try again."

"Nah, sorry," I sighed, managing a shrug that caused what was left of my left arm to crumble off. New Celestia hummed and scooped the bits up in her magic, gently piling them in my lap.

"Well, in any case, Mr. Harlow, thank you for trying," she offered with a smile. "I think I see something of what my other self sees in you." I responded with a smile of my own, though based on the way she winced and the noise my jaw made, not nearly as charming.

"Anytime, Lady."

"-and that's why I wasn't able to handle Ernie's tax proposal for you while you were away."

Graggle sat with his arms folded and a thoroughly unimpressed glare on his face. I wilted and turned to Quilt, Frill, and Cozy who had me fixed with a unified look like I was crazy. I threw my hands up.

"It's true!" I pleaded.

Pundead

"Peter, I wool like to say I love you," Frill suddenly said. I paused and looked up from the spell book I was studying. She stood just beside my chair with a warm smile.

"Huh?" I huffed. She recoiled and frowned.

"You must not have herd me," she hummed, smiling again. "I-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I closed my book and pointed at her. "You- You just did it again." She furrowed her brow.

"What are ewe talking about?" I threw my book and leaned in.

"That," I insisted, pointing again. "Why're you doing that?" She recoiled and frowned at me.

"No need to be so ram-bunctious!"

"Did Quilt put you up to this?" I said standing and scanning the library. Frill humphed and averted her eyes.

"Peter, you're making me feel sheepish," she grumbled. I hissed and leaped over her before sprinting down the hall, hunting for Quilt. Along the way, I nearly trampled Graggle.

"Graggle! Frill's acting weird," I huffed. He blinked and scratched his chest.

"Weird how?" He pressed before waving his paw. "Ah, maybe she's just dog tired." My jaw hung loose and I pointed at him before slowly withdrawing and sprinting away. After just a few seconds, I made it to the throne room where I found Quilt talking with Ernie, the former of whom waved.

"There he is," she said. "Nice of you to graze us with your presence." I heaved a breath and clutched the air at her before turning to Ernie.

"Ernie! You're a sensible guy! Do you hear all this?"

"Ernie don't know what you talking about," he retorted, fixing me with a critical leer. "You just crazy cause you undead and pasture expiration date." I ignored the blinding effect of locking onto Celestia and warped to her.

"Hello, Peter," she greeted without looking up from the book she was reading. I sat panting and huffing, scanning the room in a mild panic. "Everything alright?"

"I dunno what's happening in Ramstead," I gasped. "Frill started talking funny, and-"

"Did you try asking her to quit foaling around?" I paused. She set her book down and gave me a reassuring smile. "Oh! Maybe you should say 'whinny to have a discussion about this behavior' if it's causing you so much distress?"

And I was gone.

Sheep Speak

Thank God, or Grogar, or whoever for my ability to turn to mist. Otherwise, the frying pan Frill hurled at my head just now might've.. Still not done much since I'm undead. Probably why when she was upset she made sure to only throw mundane things at my head.

"Frill, I'm sorry!" I pleaded. "I didn't know!"

"Oh-hoh! He didn't KNOW he says!" She cried before rearing back and pegging me in the jaw with a pot. She took an angry step forward and jabbed a hoof at me. "You've been in Woollachia for ten whole years and you didn't know what those words meant?!"

"No?" I offered and received a regular kitchen knife to the sternum for my efforts.

"Well! You can go talk to Quilt all about it since she's 'way fluffier' than me!" She said in a poor imitation of me, stuck her nose in the air with an indignant huff, and then trotted out of the kitchen. Once the tapping of her hooves faded, the maids poked their heads out from behind the overturned table they were using as cover and shot a unified set of alarmed glares my way.

"Prince, you called another ewe fluffier than your wife?" Bonnet demanded, narrowing her eyes with an angry bleat. "Rake." The others nodded and baa'd derisively at me. I took a breath and pulled the knife from my chest.

"Thanks, girls," I huffed before making for the door.

"You said you think I'm fluffier than her?" Quilt gasped. When I nodded with a shrug, she snorted and coughed a laugh. "Thanks but uh, woof." I grunted and leaned against the frame of her bed while sitting on the floor.

"I didn't know it was such an insulting thing. I was just saying your wool's been really growing out," I explained, throwing my hands up. It was true too. Quilt was a full head taller than Frill and most other sheep now, and her wool, which was steadily gaining a faint, blue twinge, was growing out to match her larger stature.

"Insulting?" She laughed, drawing my attention to her. She poked me in the head. "Buddy, you basically said in sheep speak that I'm more pleasant to be around." I blanched and raised my eyebrows.

"I wha?" I murmured and Quilt shrugged in response.

"Think about it. You know how the Mid-year Shear has the whole concept of which ram can keep a ewe comfortable during winter?" She asked and I slowly nodded. "Yeah, same idea. I'm fluffier, so warmer. Comfier. More pleasant." My jaw hung loose before I held my head in my hands. As the implications of her words sunk in, I sunk to the floor with a moan. Quilt scooted to the edge of her bed and stared down at me with a subdued smirk.

"How fix?" I asked with a heavy quaver.

"Hm," she rubbed her chin and tilted her head. "Knowing her and her proclivities?"

I swallowed hard and beat my fist against my forehead. I took a few shallowed breaths before facing our bedroom door. Slowly, my hand gripped the handle. And I stayed like that for several seconds before clenching my eyes shut.

"Quilt, this is a stupid idea," I mentally called out.

"Sure is! You married her, though," Quilt chirped back. I grumbled and then opened the door. Inside, Frill sat on the bed with her back to me. My coffin sat open on the floor on my side of the bed.

"Damn. She's really pissed," I mentally gasped.

"Hah!" Quilt mentally butt in. I stepped in and shut the door behind me, at which point Frill glared at me over her shoulder. I shivered and slowly approached the bed, drawing a growl from her. I knelt down and rested with my arms folded on the bed.

"Who's a fluffy girl?" I purred. While she held her glare, her ear twitched. "Fluffiest in the whole castle, huh? Who's that?" She held her annoyed glare for somewhere between forever and a few seconds before blushing and looking away.

"Me," she said firmly, scrunching her muzzle as she did. I huffed in relief and crawled closer.

"That's right!" I cheered, gently reaching forward and poking her wool. "You!" She growled quietly but then scooted back, allowing me to wrap my arms around her. She sighed and rested her head atop mine as I nuzzled her.

"You're still sleeping in your coffin for a week," she added.

"Okay'msorry," I replied, partially muffled from her wool.

Request

The throne room gathering of Sunbeam, Hasty, Cozy, Frill, and Quilt nervously watched from the side as Blueblood and I continued our debate. For my part, I still had chills creeping along my skin from what he had just suggested and was slouching on my throne, fixing him with an incredulous, annoyed leer as he spoke.

"I just don't understand. Have I not been loyal? Have I displeased you somehow?" He huffed with a mildly defeated tone. "I know what I'm asking isn't completely unheard of, at least in this house." The others gasped at his accusation. My eye twitched and I weakly jabbed a finger at him.

"Do not presume to speak to me of how I handle my staff," I shot back, at which he furrowed his brow and frowned at me.

"Seemingly all of your staff, except for one," he retorted, again drawing a series of muted, shocked exclamations from the others. I grimaced and bared my teeth.

"Blueblood, you-" Before I could continue the door gently creaked open and Graggle came waddling in with a guard dog from the road patrol.

"Sorry to interrupt this dispute, O' Dark Prince, but something has come up," Graggle explained stepping past Blueblood and bowing to me. "Ernie has declared his intention to cause what I fear I must describe as an international incident." I groaned and banged my head against the back of my throne.

"Again?" I groused.

"Yes, he claims that he's going to give a very rude letter about Princess Celestia to the Equestrian merchants with instructions to deliver it to any popular Equestrian newspaper," he explained.

"Again?" I sighed, sinking in my seat and drawing my hands down my face. After a moment, I sat up and prepared to stand. "Fine. Where-" Before I could ask anything more, Bloodblood jolted and shot to the base of my throne's dias and held a hoof up at me.

"Wait! Let me tend to this, Master," Blueblood demanded. I paused and fixed him with an even stare. After a moment he lowered his hoof and returned my look with a determined glare. "As proof of my quality and worth." I raised an eyebrow and glanced to the side. The others, now including Graggle, were all looking at me expectantly. Hasty tilted his head with a slight smile and nodded, drawing a quiet grunt from me.

I turned back to Blueblood and swept a hand at him before speaking in my best Lugosi. "Very well, Blueblood. And should you succeed in thwarting this scheme," I hesitated. "I will consider your request." Blueblood's expression hardened, but he nodded in response before making his way to the door.

My Evil Eye followed Blueblood as he solemnly strode across the plains of Woollachia, sword at his side and fire in his eyes. Regardless of what he had asked of me earlier, I wasn't going to let him get himself hurt, so I had the castle guard on standby just in case. Not that I expected Ernie to escalate things, but considering Blueblood's mood there was no telling what might happen.

"How's it looking?" Quilt pressed, nudging my arm.

"He's approaching Threadbare now," I replied. My eyes narrowed as I immediately spotted Ernie, waiting just west of the village on the road all the merchants arrived on. As Blueblood drew near, the ram's attention snapped to him and he fixed him with a smug sneer.

With him were a baker's dozen sheep in flat caps, cloth domino masks, and black-and-white striped sweaters. These were 'Ernie's Dozen,' sheep Ernie had organized as a local secret police to keep tabs on his citizens and on the other goings on in Woollachia. For most, this would be a huge issue. Here, however, it was Ernie, and his goons not only dressed exclusively in those silly outfits even when they were supposed to be sneaking and spying, but when caught they made sure you knew that they were 'sent to skulk by the genius mind of ERNIE.' But those guys were a story for later. For now, they all shot their best impression of a threatening glare at Blueblood, who held his focus on Ernie.

"Well, well, well! If it isn't Harlow's little lapdog," Ernie chortled as Blueblood approached. "Ernie guess he caught wind of my plan, huh?" Blueblood stopped a few dozen feet away and began sizing up the group.

"Considering what Graggle reported and knowing you Ernest, I don't believe you made an effort to keep your plan hidden," he said cooly. Ernie snorted and shook his head.

"'Course not! Ernie ain't one to hide the truth! That's why Ernie got voted in as mayor!" He declared and began pacing and sweeping his forehoof as he spoke. "Lace and her chums did a whole bunch of sneakin' and lyin' and hidin'. But not Ernie." He whipped around and jabbed a hoof at Blueblood.

"When Ernie sees a fact, especially one nowooly's talking about, Ernie makes sure word gets around," he said with a dark chuckle before reaching into his wool and pulling out a letter. "And that's exactly what this letter's gonna do!" Blueblood's eyes and horn lit up and his sword shot out and impaled the letter. Ernie froze at the sudden attack and slowly looked at his letter just as Blueblood's magic whipped the sword around in a tight maneuver, completely shredding the letter.

"What letter would that be?" He hummed as he withdrew his sword. Ernie's Dozen all recoiled and shared an anxious look as Ernie stomped his hoof.

"Aw, heck! Cheatin' unicorn with your cheatin' magic. Don't think this is over! You ain't seen the last of Ernie!" He spat, jabbing his hoof at Blueblood again. "Ernie gonna make sure EVerywooly knows how fat your aunty's rear is!" Blueblood snorted and jabbed his sword at Ernie.

"Not today, you malcontent!" He retorted. "Away with you!" Ernie growled in response.

"Bah, Ernie says! BAH!" He yelled before galloping away. "Quick, Ernie's Dozen! To the Ernie Cave!" His cronies took off after him and all disappeared into Threadbare's townhall with him. Once he was alone, Blueblood took a deep breath and nodded. After a moment, he looked back over his shoulder and scanned his surroundings.

"Well," he said after a moment. "Was that good enough?" I flinched and then grimaced as I cut my Evil Eye and sighed.

"Peter?" Quilt said, nudging me again. I opened my eyes and looked at the rest of them.

"He did it."

Once again, everyone else stood to the side as Blueblood and I glared at each other, with the sole exception of Frill who now sat beside me in her own seat, gently brushing my hand with her hoof.

My eyes locked with his as we exchanged steely glares. Despite his trials, as it was pretty hot today and the walk to Threadbare was pretty far, he endured his obvious fatigue with a grim resolution and an expectant leer. Slowly, I leaned my head back and narrowed my eyes.

"Well done, Blueblood," I said evenly. "Very well done."

"Thank you, Master," he replied with a curt bow, taking a few moments to let the tense silence grip the room before speaking again. "So?" I held my glare for a few seconds before breaking eye contact and scanning the rest of the room. Everyone's eyes were now locked on me, with an anxious light on their faces. When I turned to Quilt, she briefly glanced at Blueblood and back before offering a slight nod. Grimacing, I turned to Frill who quietly sighed before offering a smile and gently resting her hoof on my hand with a nod of her own.

I sighed sharply and rubbed my eyes before looking back at Blueblood. His head was hanging slightly, but he continued to stare expectantly at me. After a few seconds more, I nodded and he perked up in surprise. Holding out my hands I nodded again.

"Alright, c'mere," I said with a grunt. Blueblood hesitated for just a near imperceptible instant before darting across the room and leaping up into my lap, stumbling initially before curling up and resting his head on my throne's arm with a happy sigh. I clenched my eyes shut with a harsh grimace before opening one eye to scan the rest of the group.

Sunbeam and Cozy were leaning on each other and turning a pale red as they struggled to hide their laughter. Frill blinked a few times before averting her eyes. Quilt watched us expectantly with a heavy blush and Hasty offered me a sympathetic smile before making a stroking motion with his hoof.

I sighed quietly before complying, gently and uncomfortably petting Blueblood's back, drawing a happy hum from the pony as he curled up tighter.