How Griffons Solve Problems

by Mysterious Stranger

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2708

An Equestrian wizard visits the griffon country of Avia to investigate a strange discovery

When griffons digging for coal in Avia make an unusual discovery, a royal wizard from Equestria is sent in to investigate.

Published 2012-10-09 15:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-09 15:00:01 UTC

How griffons solve problems

As the chariot that pulled Aurora Light and his assistant through the sky drew closer to the mountains, Aurora decided that he had never been so cold in his life. The brown unicorn was holding his dark blue cape as close to body as he could, but a wizard's hat and cape was not suitable protection against the icy winds that was common in the land of the griffons.

"I'll be very glad when this little trip is over," he commented to a silver dragon seated beside him. "There must be a great deal of disharmony in Avia to produce weather such as this."

The dragon showed no visible reaction that she had heard his words.

"Silvia? Are you quite all right?"

The teenage dragon continued to do a remarkable imitation of a statue.

"Is this yet another stage of dragon puberty that nopony warned me about, or are you simply ignoring me?"

"I think your assistant is frozen, Mister Light," remarked one of the two pegasi guards pulling the chariot.

"Don't be ridiculous. If Silvia felt herself starting to freeze she could simply breath fire on herself," Aurora scoffed.

"No disrespect sir, but aren't dragons cold-blooded?" inquired the other guard.

Aurora's semi-frozen ears perked up at the news.

"They are? Well, I suppose that makes sense, being reptiles and all. My apologies, Silvia. Had I realized how utterly useless you would be on this trip I would have left you in Canterlot. I sincerely hope your condition can be reversed."

Aurora turned his attention back to the guards pulling his chariot.

"How much longer until we reach our destination?" he asked through chattering teeth.

"We're approaching the griffon base right now," replied the guard who had spoken first.

"Excellent. I'll want to thaw out my assistant before I get started, however."

As the chariot descended Aurora was able to make out a steel bunker nested into the mountainside. With a slight bump the chariot landed on a steel runway and rolled into an open hangar. Dozens of griffons were inside, some moving crates, others sorting them. Aurora nervously noticed that all of them were equipped with firearms. Three griffins approached the chariot. A large muscular one wearing dog tags, a tall one wearing a green jacket with lots of stars on the shoulders, and a lanky one with a red military beret on his head.

"Welcome to Fort Raven. I assume you are the specialist from Equestria we were promised?" said the one with a jacket.

Aurora adjusted his wizard hat to ensure he looked professional.

"I am indeed. Royal wizard Aurora Light, at your service."

The jacketed griffon seemed unimpressed.

"A royal wizard huh? Nice to know your country is taking this seriously. Have you been briefed?"

"Well, I was told you griffons think you found an alicorn frozen in ice," replied Aurora, slightly dismayed that the jacketed Avian hadn't bothered to introduce himself. Aurora decided he would mentally call the three griffons before him Jacket, Dog tags, and Beret until further notice.

"Think? You think we wouldn't know an alicorn if we saw one?" asked Beret.

"Easy, lieutenant, it was just a poor choice of words," said Jacket. "I thought it would be wise to tell you ponies what we found before we thaw the thing out."

"Are you going to stare at eet?" asked Dog tags gruffly.

Aurora blinked twice out of surprise at the random question.

"Um, what do you mean?" he asked.

"Your talent tattoo, eet eez an eyeball," said Dog tags as he pointed a claw at Aurora's flank.

"My talen- oh you mean my cutie mark. That eyeball represents a specialized form of magic actually, not staring."

"What eez so magical about eyeballs?"

"It stands for a form of sorcery called mental magic, spells and enchantments that have effects on the mind."

"But eet's an eyeball," insisted Dog tags.

"Believe me, I am very aware of what my cutie mark looks like. Before I take a look at your alleged alicorn, can I impose on you to use a heater? I'm quite chilly, and my poor assistant is frozen solid," said Aurora as he used his horn beneath his hat to levitate Silvia out of the chariot with a green glow of magic.

"We have a furnace that heats the entire base, so I suppose you can stand near it if you like. But it might take a while to thaw out your dragon." said Jacket. "Wait, dragons are fireproof, are they not?"

"Um, yes, I think so." Aurora said carefully. "Why do you ask?"

"Sergeant Talon, throw the young dragon into the furnace," Jacket ordered the griffon wearing dog tags.

Wordlessly Talon scooped Silvia up with one clawed arm and strutted towards a large furnace in the back of the hangar.

"Wait, that might be dangerous!" protested Aurora.

"She'll be fine. I've heard dragons can swim in lava. We need you to take a look at our alicorn. Do you know how to use one of these?" asked Jacket as he held out a pistol.

Aurora automatically recoiled away from the weapon without a word. For a moment Jacket looked confused until he brightened again.

"Oh, that's right, I forgot you ponies aren't allowed to have these. I guess that's the sort of thing that happens when you have females for rulers," Jacket said with a condescending grin.

Aurora had to fight back the urge to kick the avian in the teeth for the implied insult.

"Equestria is a peaceful country, we can solve our problems and defeat our enemies without killing," he said coldly.

"What a cute and naive idea, Equestrian. It's a good thing your country has Avia for an ally for when real problems come along."

Aurora was about to say something he would have regretted later when a loud feminine voice rang through the hangar.

"Where the heck am I?!"

"Dragon eez done cooking," announced Talon.

"What's going on?! Why am I in a box?! Aurora! Where are you?!"

Aurora rushed over to the furnace.

"It's all right, Silvia, I'm right here," he assured her. "We had to stick you in a furnace because you were frozen solid."

"Frozen?"

"Yes, frozen. Apparently dragons don't respond well to cold weather."

"Oh, um, okay. Do I get to come out of here anytime soon?"

"Let her out," Aurora ordered Talon.

Talon ignored the wizard and glanced at Jacket.

"Go ahead," Jacket confirmed.

Talon nodded and opened the door to the furnace. The moment it was wide enough Silvia jumped out. For a terrifying moment Aurora thought she would hug him and scald him with her very hot scales, but instead she calmly brushed the soot off of her shoulders.

"Well that was exciting. When do I get to see the alicorn?" she commented.

"I trust you're ready now?" Jacket asked Aurora.

Aurora watched his assistant for a moment before answering.

"I'm ready," he replied.

"Bring in the alicorn!" Jacket hollered.

A squad of griffons flew out the still open hangar doors.

"How exactly did you find the alicorn?" Aurora asked Jacket.

"We dig into the mountains for iron ore and coal," said Jacket. "We found him while we were digging."

The word "him" caught Aurora's attention. When Princess Celestia had briefed him on the mission, she had told him she had no idea who the alicorn could be if there was one. There had never been any male alicorns in all of recorded history. That much Aurora knew. The plan was to find out who the alicorn was. If he turned out to be hostile, well, there were plenty of mind altering spells that would allow Aurora to capture him alive.

The entire hanger went silent as the griffons returned to the hangar carrying a giant block of ice with steel cables. The hangar doors closed as the block of ice was set down. Inside the ice was the largest stallion Aurora had ever seen, easily taller than Princess Celestia. The horse had a black coat and a dark purple mane. Aurora immediately realized something was off, but Silvia beat him to the punch.

"That's not an alicorn," she said bluntly.

"What?! What do you mean it’s not?!" demanded Beret.

"He doesn't have any wings, just a horn. See?" Silvia said as she pointed at the powerful looking unicorn.

"But eet eez huge! How can eet not be an alicorn?!" objected Talon.

"Clearly, this unicorn is very old," figured Aurora. "A long time ago, this would be the normal size for a pony."

"But if that's true, why are they smaller today?" asked Beret.

"Natural selection," Aurora explained. "For example, if a big pony and a small pony are together when a hydra appears, and they both run off in opposite directions, which one would the hydra chase after?"

"Ze big one!" exclaimed Talon.

"I didn't join the military to learn science," growled Jacket. "Hurry up and thaw it out."

"Very well," Aurora said with a shrug. "Silvia?"

"On it," announced the silver dragon as she circled around to the back of the ice block, took a deep breath, and proceeded to send bright blue flames surging out of her mouth.

As the ice melted, the unicorn slowly leaned forward until he fell out of the ice and landed on the floor with a thud. An awkward silence came over the room.

"Wow, after all that trouble, he's dead anyway," remarked Silvia.

Aurora removed his wizard hat and scanned the unicorn with his horn.

"No, not dead, under a spell," he smiled. "It seems our friend here used magic to put himself into a very powerful state of hibernation."

"Can you wake him up?" asked Jacket.

"Not a problem for a royal wizard," grinned Aurora as his horn began to glow a blindingly bright green. "Stand back everypo- er, everybody."

The green light radiating from Aurora's horn narrowed into a tight beam of energy that struck the black unicorn dead on. The large stallion shuddered. Then his eyes opened. Slowly, carefully, the tall black unicorn rose to his hooves and took in his surroundings. For a while not a word was spoken.

"Where am I?" the black unicorn finally asked.

"You’re in Fort Raven," answered Jacket.

"Fort Raven? Is that in Avia?"

"That is correct. You're in Avia."

The black unicorn closed his eyes as if concentrating.

"I'm in the future, aren't I?" he said quietly.

"You were found frozen in ice, in a magically induced state of hibernation," Aurora said gently.

The black unicorn said nothing, choosing only to keep his eyes closed and his head bowed. As eager as he was to question the unicorn, Aurora decided it would be best not to rush him.

"Curse her," the black unicorn said softly. "She and her sister both."

Alarm bells went off inside Aurora's head. The royal wizard was starting to get a bad feeling about the situation.

"Who put you in the ice?" asked Silvia.

The unicorn glanced at her.

"I had to place a spell on myself to avoid starving to death," he informed her. "As for my enemies, you probably wouldn't recognize their names. I'm sure that by now they are dead, as is everyone else I knew. It seems fate has decided to take their lives before I could."

"Are their names Ce-mmmppphhh" Silvia started to ask, but was cut off by duct tape magically appearing over her mouth.

"So sorry! My assistant can be a bit too inquisitive sometimes," Aurora said with a weak laugh. "I'm sure you're very overwhelmed by all of this and could probably use a break. Probably not a nap though, since you've already had a good long one, ha ha."

The unicorn cast Aurora a suspicious look.

"Your assistant was about to tell me something you didn't want me to know," he said accusingly.

For a moment words failed Aurora.

"You know what?" he eventually said through a fake cheesy grin, "Screw this. Mind control spell!"

Before the freakishly tall unicorn could react, another green light shot out of Aurora's horn and latched itself onto the unicorn's horn, tethering them together. As his mind began to take over, Aurora could see the unicorn's memories playing in reverse. Two alicorns wielding the elements of harmony, using its power to shoot the unicorn, Boreas Featherblade, through the roof of a temple and flying miles and miles away. Earlier, Boreas killing a griffon and three other ponies, not realizing that ending their lives did not sever the bonds of friendship between them and the two alicorns. Earlier still, a younger brother that was loved dearly, but defected to the side of the alicorns.

Further back, being raised as a prince, being told that one day he would rule Equestria. And finally, the day he earned his cutie mark, an image of an eye appearing on his flank. The same cutie mark that was on Aurora's flank.

"Alright, now it's my turn," Boreas grinned wickedly.

Green light shifted to purple, and suddenly it was Aurora's mind being invaded. Caught off guard, he only had time to think, Oh crap, before Boreas knew about Celestia and Luna, the way back to Equestria, and even who the current bearers of the elements of harmony were. Suddenly the connection was cut off, and before Aurora's eyes was a unicorn who was grinning like a colt who had just earned his cutie mark.

"Oh, now this good. Always a pleasure to meet a fellow mind magician, Aurora Light. You've been very helpful. It seems I've been frozen in ice for thousands of years. Won't the alicorn sisters be surprised to see me again!" laughed Boreas.

In response Aurora sent him flying backwards with a powerful shove of telekinesis. Boreas caught himself in the air and levitated to the ground.

Shoot that son of a biscuit!" hollered Jacket, causing every griffon in the room to whip out their guns and spray bullets at Boreas. The unicorn was battered on all sides before he collapsed on the ground, his body full of bullet holes.

The room went silent again as everyone stared at the body. Blood seeped on the floor. The unicorn was clearly dead.

"Aha! That eez how we do eet een Avia!" laughed Talon.

Both Aurora and Silvia stared in horror at the corpse.

"You, you just murdered a pony!" Aurora sputtered at Jacket.

"No I killed him," Jacket corrected.

"There wasn't any need to resort to killing!"

"He threatened your rulers and you couldn't contain him. We did what was necessary."

"He could have been defeated without killing! He was just a unicorn, not an alicorn!"

"And if we hadn't killed him, he would have gone to Equestria and caused enough trouble to write a novel. Easier this way."

Aurora couldn't think of anything else to say, so he went silent.

"Look at this way," Jacket said as he threw an arm over Aurora's shoulders. "You came here and learned a valuable life lesson. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't one of your two rulers very fond of when her subjects tell her about life lessons they have learned?"

************

"And that's why I think Equestria should invest in equipping her army with guns," Aurora finished.

"Absolutely not," Princess Celestia said bluntly.

The princess and the wizard were alone in the throne room, as was common for when a royal wizard gave his or her report.

"But it’s a necessary precaution!" Aurora protested.

"I can't control what the griffons in Avia do, but if Boreas had made it here he could have been defeated with the elements of harmony, at my own hooves, or my sister's. All three solutions would have defeated him without killing him," Celestia reasoned.

"But-"

"Equestria is a peaceful country. We don't need guns," Celestia insisted.

"But its citizens might need guns if you ever go corrupt!" Aurora exclaimed.

Celestia's eyes narrowed.

"I, I apologize your majesty, that came out wrong. Please forgive me."

"Consider yourself forgiven. I don't ever want to hear you talk about using guns in Equestria again, understood?"

"Yes your majesty."

"Good. Now get out of my throne room before I non-violently banish you to the moon."

-The End