Don't Tempt Love

by Lynser

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Human, Drama, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Profanity, Random
Length: 16535

Local human harassed by desperate princess of love, tries and fails to run. Local purple unicorn not amused.

David had a decent run of things in Equestria for a while now... A house, decent job doing silly little precision tasks that took the average pony waaay longer to do in exchange for some bits... Semi-frequent home-invasions...

Waking up to his- very dead- phone blowing up, and a Princess knocking on his door, out of breath and desperate, he has to figure out exactly why she's shown up.

Or more accurately- why she's now chasing him. Preferably after he's booked it, and no longer feels a mortal fear from the sheer insanity that was on his phone.

Such is life for human David.

I had the inspiration to write this just by seeing the image (and wanting to make myself write more/post more) and originally it was going to be an Anon- but then I had a funny idea.
I gave myself Edgerunners PTSD. And I couldn't fit the joke in well. It was not worth it.
... At least I got more third person practice!
Therin lies the sunk cost fallacy, and my desire to write more third person.
Ah well, I had some fun with the banter, so worth!
Give Icey some love. Peak funny arts.
Obligatory Ko-fi beg.

Featured on release day, and got to 1st at that. (Also apparently featured on EQD-) Thanks to y'all for enjoying my silly horsewords, to this day. :raritywink:

Published 2024-07-08 21:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-08-18 11:30:48 UTC

Bonus III: Full System Reset

Author's Note

The sequel dawneth sooneth. Hopefully. I'm heavily writing it out as I post this- but I want this to be a little nugget for the future, and to give y'all one last chance to make any predictions ~~some of you got really close so far, though.~~ But also because a little burst of writer's block has really made me push out every little moment of flow. And I wanted to make a bonus #3 as a better lead-in so... There we go!

Anyways, 'Temptations, And Love' is heavily in the works. Expect something a little different- a few of you have noticed this paralleling the show and exploring out a different AU. I fully intend to lean into that. And yes, you know who you are, you're right that we're at the tail-end of S1 timeline-wise right now.

I'm a fan of longfics, and projects that breathe as long as they need to... So expect that out of me. I want to make what I enjoy, after all. :twilightsmile:

Oh yeah, and this is at the top to differentiate- this chapter has a slight tonal shift from the others, but read it with optimism. Moreso a lead-in to the next story. Make thine judgement on this fic before this bonus chapter. :raritywink:

... It is gonna shift to an M-rating though, so be warned. Not for gratuitous sex, just because I felt it would limit me less.

Bonus III: Full System Reset

Cadance sighed, her wings uncomfortably shifting at her side as she left the throne-room. Auntie had warned her that some of her ideas wouldn't be so easy to press, or that others might be overenthusiastically accepted, but that entire ordeal hadn't been expected.

She glanced down at her slippers, and peytral, a little wistfully. Even her tiara felt a little... heavy today. At least she could leave these behind for the time being. Celestia didn't trust the elements in Ponyville yet, and neither did Cadance her crown jewels.

... But maybe that was an excuse for her to hear 'princess' spat at her less often. Especially with the plan going forwards.

Though the stars themselves knew Princess Luna was the only one spitting it after that ordeal. Why did she have to make her first public reappearance now?

Her mouth drew into a long line, as she bit back another sigh, mostly letting out an uncomfortable snort as she moved to leave. She really did need a walk, and-

Bzzzz-

A good distraction... Bless this alien colt's timing.

-"So, gonna tell me what you're so stressed over yet?"

"Nah," She shot back almost instantly, smiling as her magic comfortably took hold of the screen after Auntie had shown her how. "I was just farming your sympathy, now here comes the part where I'm extra mysterious."

-"Jesus Christ you really are mastering the art of phone addiction, down to the personality type you develop."

"... Who?"

-"Don't ask."

"Okay. But also what does that mean?"

-"It means... Mysterious."

"Ohhh, buck you."

-"Nah, ask nicely."

She snorted, the slight bitterness in her from earlier rolling uncomfortably in her stomach, as she lingered for a long moment.

"How are you doing?"

-"it was that bad, huh?"

"Oh, shush"

-"Could be better, but y'know how life is. Everything only keeps you going for so long. Momentum is important like that, I guess. Always sucked at that part."

"Hahah, well unlike you Mr. Grumpy, I've been using mine just fine. I've managed to weasel my way out of this castle for now, at least."

-"Jeez, you really did have a tough time, eh? Go take a walk, dork. We'll talk later, you sound kind of bitter."

Her breath hitched for a moment, and she almost frowned. But after a moment to gather her thoughts, she... nodded.

"I'm sorry. It really has been a long day."

-"Walk. I'm not getting you used to anger-venting the moment something bad happens before you can process. We are not giving you silly horses that internetism."

She nearly laughed again, shaking her head gently.

"Thank you."

-"Walk, Cadance. Last time I was up there I remember the gardens were very nice."

She gently clicked the thing 'closed' (as David had put it) before tying it back quietly behind her head- she really needed to find a better spot than wrapped up in her mane- before turning, meandering down another side-path in the halls.

'It's nice knowing somepony who cares. Without all the other weight.'

She looked upwards, her eyes tracing the stained glass on the ceiling and walls close to the throne-room, the many showings of Equestrian history. Immortalized in the new capital's capitol to show the changing of the ages.

'And all the flirting-' Auntie looked over her shoulder. Once long ago, once days prior.

Her mood suddenly dampened. Her gaze flicked downwards, only enough to see the windows lining her path, as history got older and older the further she went from the throne...

'And you intend to do what? Exercise a privilege over this nation-' 'Lulu, a minute please-' '-To pull title to get what you wish after causing the crown such stress? Frankly, we find this ridiculous. If you wish to hold that title, at least live up to it, maybe grovel to the captain and present y-'
'LUNA!'

Her hoof passively fiddled with the object wrapped in her mane, as she came across one particular stain... one whose history had been long lost. All she really did know, is that it had been brought from the old capital before the Everfree took over, and the castle fell.

Two ponies stood opposite a massive tower of crystal, one marked just like Cadance, the other with tears running down her face. Their magic wrapped around the tower, a darkness trying to seep from it. The entire image itself seemed to be placed in a bubble, almost like a snow globe, as on the next stain...

The ground itself was left marked by what almost looked like a snowflake. The tower was nowhere to be seen. The princess fading into dust, as the other mare vanished along with the tower. Dark clouds lingered above, lightning and snow swirling around this ancient grave.

Her heart ached, almost hollow. Auntie never did explain these properly to her, she always seemed to disappear before she travelled down these halls. She had always been meaning to ask, but always seemed to forget before she did, or just never found the opportunity or time.

But for her entire life here, she almost felt haunted by them. How could she not?

Nopony she knew, knew of their history. No books she opened ever spoke of it.

All she knew, is her heart and cutie mark ached painfully every time she saw them.

And she felt like she had done something wrong.

After a long moment- she suddenly sucked in a breath. She hadn't realised she had been holding it in the first place. Admonishing herself quietly, she turned, eyes nervously flicking between the windows and her path, as she continued down the halls of the castle.

She really did hope she hadn't messed up her destiny, like so many ponies seemed to be implying by how they treated her now... She pulled in a light sniff. She didn't know if they were even doing it on purpose. By the strings, they could be doing it for their will.

...

At least, at least she'd be heading to Ponyville within the week.

At least, maybe then, she could get a fresh start.

With a small push of magic, she opened the doors to the gardens. A rushing of crisp, mountain air washing over her as she walked.

She couldn't rush ahead. The world didn't work like that.

She knew she was hurting, she knew she was desperate to be loved, to be understood, to find her way.

But for now, she had to take it slow. Take it realistically. Focus on herself.

Nopony likes the dregs, someone still fixated on what they had. She wasn't sure if she wanted to smile or cry when her own advice would wash over her. 'Get over your last one first.'

It was good advice... that's probably why it hurt.

Bzz...

But maybe, just maybe, she could learn to forgive herself too. One of these days.

... Like she had yet to forgive herself for using a freaking compatibility spell on the ALIEN COLT SHE JUST MET-
She definitely needed a break. She was going stir-crazy.

~~~

-"What were you working on again, then?"

"A little carving project, ponies really like getting their cutie marks immortalised in something. It's kind of cute, pays well too."

-"Ooo, that does sound really cute! Can I see?"

"I dunno, are you going to tell me what your 'plans' are, then?"

-"Nope, that's princess business~ But I also know you wouldn't be telling me about your projects if you didn't want to show them off to somepony."

"Touché. I'll break you one day."

-"You write that literally already knowing the joke I'm going to make."

"Self-awareness is key, little filly. I wanted to see if you'd dare."

-"Har-har. Show me your little project, dork."

"If this was in person you would've made the joke without stopping yourself, and then immediately regret it."

-"Shut the buck up."

"Especially after I clapped right back."

-"I will soar down from Canterlot right this minute and dome your skull in, stars willing, stop."

David nodded, laughing to himself as he flicked open his camera. Angling it towards what was the half-carved image of Twist's new cutie mark, something he was commissioned to make by her parents after her cutie mark appeared, and she'd asked for one after her cute-ceañera. Though it had been in his backlog since these little projects had exploded in popularity- a good distraction- he hoped to make it up to her by painting the thing later too. Turning the thing to the side, he squinted with one eye and-

Fat-fingered the fuck out of it, his finger gliding across the screen as it nearly stumbled out of his hands. He never claimed to be a coordinated person, just that he was a person. After a solid 10 seconds of fumbling, the thing sprawled out across the floor.

Groaning, mostly to himself, he leaned over and-

He'd tapped on the corner. His gallery was open.

...

A long moment passed, as his phone 'generously' flicked through a montage of all the pictures he'd had since he got the thing. Y'know, it was easy to forget they had features like this. Just a cute little side-piece to post on social media or show your closest friends, a little laugh for those who enjoy their life a whole lot... An automatic feature for more than one would expect, whenever you don't open your image history for too long.

But David? David was the type to chronicle the best times of his life on his phone. Not just anything. Hell, it wouldn't be wrong to call himself an amateur photographer. He got a premium model for a reason... The highest definition, to view his life through again. After all, everything had been perfect, for so long. Until it wasn't.

... He saw family, he saw friends, he saw monuments he visited, he saw history, he saw life, he saw everything.

He saw his ex. He saw his life collapse in moments. He saw the last month before he came here, which he'd lost in a haze.

His purgatory had a sense of humour sometimes, didn't it?

...

Bzzt!

A notification popped down, to interrupt the stream.

-"What's taking so long? C'mooon, I'm curiouuus!"

His hand trembled as he reached down, finally pressing to home, and shuffling the thing shakily into his hands.

"Sorry, something came up."

He closed it, shoving the thing unceremoniously down onto the couch. Even as it buzzed and shook away, he ignored it.

Maybe Twilight was out and about, looking for some lesson to learn. Maybe Pinkie needed help with something. Maybe even Bonbon-

He buried his head into his hands, taking in a sharp breath, before he all but ran out of his 'home.'

Anything would do, honestly.

He just needed to be anywhere else but here right now.

Unknown: Picture Attached

Horror. Horror would be the only word that could accurately describe how David felt.

His phone, a useless brick that had sat in his bedside table for the past year since he arrived in Equestria- had sparked to life next to him.

At first, he was shocked. Secondly, hopeful. Thirdly, foolishly determined to find his way home as his people somehow found a way to communicate with him. Which as everyone knows in sci-fi movies, is the first step to getting home.

And pictures, too! This was amazing!

And then he had seen all the 'messages.' All the images.

The charts. The lines. The paragraphs of philosophy. The sheer chaos and determination of a lonely Alicorn with too much time to burn on her hooves.

So sheerly much of it, it would be impossible to process in a mere day, much less the attention span given to a text message.

It made his blood go cold.

It all flashed in front of his eyes- his mind struggling with it all. Like an eldritch horror, a Necronomicon of shipping. No mortal creature was supposed to see any of this, no mortal mind could comprehend it, unless they were on Tumblr before the porn ban.

He should have figured- Rogers doesn't give data services across dimensions, much less his shitty apartment back home...

Knock-knock-knock.

"D-David..." A voice came from his front door- out of breath, desperate... "I-I'm here for youuu~"

He dropped his phone like a rock on the floor, backing up against his bed- his knees almost giving out as he nearly stumbled back onto it. His phone started to vibrate rapidly as it retreated under his bed- seemingly just as afraid as he was.

How- how was she here? Why was she here?! How did she find him?! When did she-

"We were having... a nice chat, weren't weeeeee?~"

Everything she said was done in a beautiful sing-song- and it terrified him to no end.

Fight or flight, it was time to decide:

Fight: She can fly, she can magic him. Probably deck him and cause great bodily harm.

Flight: Big legs are fast. Maybe faster than fly. Dunno, ponies haven't been able to keep up with him so far. And god knows Lyra has tried.

'Flight sounds good!'

With his decision made, he found the nearest window and pried it open, trying to shove his oversized body through the pony-sized hole.

It was not a delicate matter- if he were a surgeon, the buzzers were blaring and the patient was flailing uncontrollably.

"What's all that noise?"

"N-Nothing!" He stammered out, just out of habit. Curse his overbearing parents!

"Oh okay goo- HEY WAIT!"

Falling to the ground with a loud 'oof,' he clutched his head in his hands. This wasn't the first time he was chased by a deranged pony, but he wouldn't be caught again!

Not after the last one just... stared at his hands. Menacingly. And started rambling about hoof holding, and tummy rubs and... ear scritches and... nuzzled into them and... and... the unmentionable things he had wrought from his mind...

Never again!

He finally understood how it felt to be harassed for having different body parts than others- and he never intended to live through it again!

Why else were there... there... so many goddamned shipping charts... He was going to be another science experiment!

Digging his hands into the dirt (after collapsing into it in a heap of sweat and desperation), he pushed himself off like a professional sprinter, determined to make it to Twilight. If anybody here could save him from whatever twisted fate was in store for him, it would be Celestia's own Weapon of Mass Destruction. Clearly, this pink pony had gone insane (which frankly felt in-character with his dealings with another pink-pony), and with any evidence from the last time she'd used them, they could deal with insanity!

"I said wait!" The princess shouted, rounding a corner as he took off ahead of her. Her cheeks puffed up as she dug her hooves into the ground. "I see how it is!" And moments later, she dashed off after him in full-gallop...

David was decidedly making very little progress. He should've figured, these ponies are technically alternate-dimensional horses so speed seems a given; but it didn't remove even an ounce of terror from him as he booked it from his little house near the edge of Ponyville into it's depths. Vaulting over barrels and boxes and carts and god-knows what, only for her to casually leap over them and continue on with a terrifying determination.

Even as his chest heaved for breath, he wouldn't give up. Not after... not after...

His mind was already trying to purge the sights from his brain. Those images were... unholy.

"What part about 'wait' do you not understand!" He heard the exasperated cry of the crazed alicorn behind him, but he kept going.

"Oh I understand it all to well, but I also understand ponies are crazy! Plus I don't even really know who you are!"

"I don't- It's Cadance, y'know the pony who came for that stupid party? We were having a very nice conversation the other day and I just wanted to-"

"You'll never catch me alive!"

With a huff, the alicorn picked up her speed. Very much seeming like she was going to catch him alive. "I just want to talk, what're you freaking out over?!"

"NEV-"

His focus on the crazed alicorn had brought any and all of his focus away from his path, and despite the sheer determination he felt... he ended up running himself right into the corner of a few buildings.

To be fair, it had looked like an alleyway from the outside. He didn't expect it was two houses stapled together with a mini-house stapled between them. Damned ponies and not having zoning or over-obsessive housing associations!

"-Errr..."

"Heheheh..."

And here David was, facing his Goliath. A very pink Goliath, who was heaving for breath and staring a hole into his soul. Backed into a corner, there was no escape to be found...

Finally taking the chance to breathe, her voice was quickly broken apart. He hadn't realized how far they had actually gone, until he felt his own chest start to ache painfully. Adrenaline was one hell of a drug... "About... our... talk... if you would just stop... running..."

"About what?!" He found a surprising amount of indignation in his soul well up. "Your shipping charts, your philosophy memes, all of that chaos- not to mention the freaking relationship circles... I don't know, tetrahedrons?! N-no... it had to be more..."

The memories flowed, momentarily blocked by the chaos. But now he saw it all. He pulled a hand to his head, gasping as the headache came over him. He knew fully well where that indignation- no- rage was flowing from.

"... Half of those hypotheticals were gay, and like 30% of them had 'destined lovers' towards way too many ponies. What are you even trying to do?! Normalize gay polyamory?!"

His other hand shuddered in front of him, as the charts... so many charts... flowed in his memory.

"H-hey, that's an assumption, a pony can have several potential soulmates but only end up with one!"

His gaze snapped back to her, his fist clenching.

"Explain the like, 3 pages of essay on why 'how we used to do it' was better?!"

She paused, wings fluttering next to her as she tried to find an excuse.

"Th-That has nothing to do with my shipping charts!"

His fist was trembling, with a deep, primal rage that only a social creature could feel.

"I feel like it kind of does!" He practically roared. "Correlation and all- you posted them right afterwards!"

She stammered awkwardly for a moment, her wings fully flaring up behind her. "Well it's cute! Everypony ends up happy!"

"Except for the poor person who realizes they can't handle several ponies! What happens then, huh?!"

"You think I'd walk them into that?!"

"After what I've seen, maybe!"

With his stance squared, he pulled in one deep breath, stabilizing himself for what he had to do. He had to stop this. He had to escape with his life, before he saw any more of those damned charts! Any of this fucked up philosophy! Any of her... damned experiments!

Sometimes, flight requires fight. Might makes right.

If there was no way out, he'd carve his own!

He let out a guttural roar, charging directly at her. Her wings flared wider out in alarm as a complete prey response came over her, and she froze. Victory was assured!

With arms outstretched, he leaned down, grabbing her by the barrel and hoisting her upwards. But overestimating the strength he needed, he instead went tumbling over with her, clutching her close by instinct as they rolled over several times. Landing on top of her, finally, as his grasp instinctively held.

"... Why're you so light?" He gasped once they were free, pushing himself up by his arms, though they remained by her sides.

The princess blinked in complete surprise for a moment, her eyes readjusting as she gathered her situation. "... Why're you so strong?"

As if to answer her own question, her eyes darted from left to right, to his arms by her sides, then slowly down his body, then up again. She seemed almost... impressed? But also judgmental. Like 'you can do better' judgmental.

He squinted. He'd taken care of himself pretty well since he came here, she had no right to give him that look! Two could play that game. Tightening his grip on the pony between his arms, he slowly looked do-

He received two, fully-charged hooves to the groin, sending him hurtling over her about a meter, rolling over. He clenched himself close, groaning loudly.

"Th-the hell was that for?!"

"Y-you were going to look someplace weird!"

"Says the one who examined me!"

"You have clothes, I don't!"

"That doesn't mean you had to-" He groaned loudly again. "Little... shit... I should be the one surprised you're so... strong..."

His groans became those of pure agony. It was direct. It was horsey. It was pain. There was no adrenaline saving him from it anymore. Just, pain.

She winced. "S-sorry..."

"Sorry... my ass..."

"Sounds like f-" He heard the mare slap herself. "No! Don't make those jokes! Especially not now!"

The fear returned to him, as he pushed a hand to the ground, struggling to get up again. Struggling being the keyword, as he failed repeatedly, only succeeding in pressing his face into the dirt as he curled into a ball.

The pink pony princess, after a few moments to collect herself, watched him with increasing concern. "Are you... okay?"

"Gimme a minute..."

"Err... okay..."

The groans continued for a long moment, the longest in either of their lives. "Seriously though... y'all never wear clothes, that was not needed!"

The alicorn stood there, flustered, as she tried to avoid his gaze. "Well usually we're not on our backs! When you go out of your way to look, then it's weird!"

"You act like I wasn't just- responding in kind..." One last heavy groan escaped him, before with both hands on the ground, he staggered his way up to his feet. Wiping off his brow as his stance barely held together, only really succeeding in smearing dirt across his face. "I'm... I'm good."

"You sure?" She cringed slightly.

"Yup." He responded flatly. Moments before he dug a heel into the ground, spun around on it, and ran away at full speed. "NEVER AGAIN!"

"Oh you little-" She let out an angry snort, taking off after him in turn. "I didn't kick that hard!"

"That isn't what worries me!" He answered, vaulting over barrels strewn through the market. "It's the fact that whatever the fuck you're up to, you'll resort to violence for it!"

"Wh- Hey, defending my dignity isn't the same as-" Her snort only got louder as with a burst of speed and a twist around a corner, the human disappeared from her sight. It was her turn to groan, though much more in frustration. "I JUST WANT TO TALK! WE WERE HAVING A VERY NICE CONVERSATION THE OTHER DAY AND-"

Rounding the corner, he was... gone. "Oh come on!"

She stopped, taking another moment to catch her breath, desperately looking around. He had ran straight into the markets, and even among the swarm of ponies in the middle of the day he should be easy to spot!

Holy shit, he'd done it. He'd gotten away from her. Who knew that getting prone and whisper-yelling 'Metal Gear' at anyone who tried to question him would work out this well? There was some consistency to this land, and it seems that playing into a joke was the best way to wield it.

Either that, or they decided that whatever psychotic break he had while screaming and running from the princess of non-consensual love experimentation was better not to trifle with. It was worth it, though, even if he was used as a stepping stool more than once!

Sure, his pace had slowed, but now he was close. He could see the treebrary in the distance, and that was all he needed. In due time, his 'Metal Gear's became louder, more fiery and far more frequent, as he crawled himself out into the clearing around it. Realizing he'd lost any and all cover, he took off into a sprint again to burst inside.

"Twilight?! Are you here?! There's a crazed alicorn looking for m-"

A crazed alicorn that was now having tea and looking dejected, with his supposed saviour.

"Fuck."

Once again, he'd caught himself out, and in an instant the alicorn was on her hooves, a little glint in her eyes as she saw him. "There you are! I thought you just..."

"No I'm not!" He cut her off, trying to back out.

"... Yes you are." She fixed him with a deadpan stare.

"Nuh-uh, I'm your schizophrenic nightmare apparition, I'm here to tell you Christmas future is going to be very not-kosher this year, I'd change your ways if I were you."

She narrowed her eyes, locking to his. He could only hope and pray that he managed to diffuse this with his improv lessons from oh so long ago...

He started to sweat as she took a step forwards, matching his taken back.

"S-see, so aggressive! Leave weird monkey things alone?" He posed it as a question by accident, and truth be told he wasn't going anywhere. He couldn't run, even if he wanted to, that last dash inside was all he had. Mmmmmaaaaaybe he should've not dragged himself halfway across Ponyville. Either way... he was getting desperate.

Twilight finally stood up, confused as ever. His saviour! "Okay what's going on here? David, why did she come in here all upset that you were running from her?"

He quickly crossed over his neck with a hand repeatedly, only for her to roll her eyes. "And no, you're not a crazy ghost. Stop that."

'Fuck!' Traitor!

Cadance's lips curled into a little smile. "So that's how it's gonna be, huh? Well if you won't talk to me, I'll have to make sure you can't run first!"

'... Wait, does she think this is some kind of game or somethi-'

She pounced. He let out a small screech. Twilight watched with bemusement as they started to scuffle on the ground.

At this point she hadn't decided if she wanted to break them up, or let David suffer for whatever he did this time. It felt like every other week she got a free friendship lesson from him misinterpreting whatever the ponies around him wanted.

After making Lyra cry like that... Yeah. Maybe he'd earned a few bruises. All of this was pretty par for the course, and she was glad he got his own lessons too.

"O-ow, lighten up on the hooves!" And bruises, he was getting.

"Stop wriggling then!"

"Stop trying to manhandle me!"

She paused, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. He'd mentioned Lyra doing something weird last time. And the ways ponies looked at him... Shoot, she'd never fully heard Cadance out, what if he was running for a good reason?!

"Let go of my wing then!"

... Or was he being weird? She sat back down, deciding to give it another minute or two before she made her decision.

Her bemusement quickly soured as their scuffle migrated towards a wall/bookshelf. A few books starting to get knocked off, and thrown across the room. She tried to catch them as they went, but the entire place started to get torn apart. A few hairs popped out of her mane, even more of her patience started to drain... Surely they'd wear themselves out soon, right? Rarity and Applejack usually didn't scuffle for too long.

Yet again, this was her former foalsitter, and the crazed human that seemed to have a screw loose ever since he arrived.

"Okay, you two, cut it out!" She finally snapped when a book's binding bent the wrong direction as it went flying from the pile, pages scattering across the floor. "Are you starting to use my library as a weapon or something?!"

The two paused for a moment. Cadance had a heavy book in her mouth, looming over his head with it, and he in turn had a couple books in his hands, fashioning a very crude set of clubs.

Her eye twitched. Her horn sparked to life.

The two shared a small glance, before they leapt in her direction.

"HEY N-" It was too late. She was a part of this now, whether she wanted to be or not. David's desperation for help, Cadance's attempts to restrain him, but instead they all got third-partied. Reading the writing on the wall, Twilight was forced to use the one thing she never thought she'd ever use: The same tactics they were. But with greater force. Books flying off the walls at them in a torrent of pain... but they wouldn't relent.

"LEAVE MY LIBRARY OUT OF THIS!"

With an overexcessive burst of magic, all three of them were teleported apart from each-other... scarring the room with streaks of black. Truly, it looked like a bomb had gone off.

After a few violent shakes of her head to clear the teleportation fog... she saw it. The outcome of her own actions. Or more accurately, theirs, but that hadn't quite hit her yet.

"... The mayor is going to kill me."

Two hissing winces come from the other two denizens in the room. One teleported onto the top of the stairs, and another stuck on top of the still-open front door.

"... She started it!" David broke the silence with an accusing finger pointed towards Cadance, who pulled back in shock from the stairs.

"You were running, you wouldn't even let me talk! If anything it's your fault!"

Twilight felt something deep inside snap. With it came a deadly calm. And a lot of magic, as the human was peeled from the doorframe and alicorn squeakily flipped from the top of the stairs.

"Talk." The unicorn spoke simply, not a bit of soul left in her eyes. Those scattered pages... they... they weren't there anymore. She'd... she'd done something horrible this day.

"... About what?! Her crazy-"

"You're paying for this or fixing it." She cut him off.

David's hand was left floating in the air, as his indignation died, to only be replaced by dread. "B-but you blew up th-"

The look she gave him was enough to drain any fight from him. It probably helped when he was unceremoniously dropped to the floor.

Cadance started to snicker, and in turn Twilight's gaze moved over to her. "I might appreciate you for all you've done for me; but you chased a foreign creature across Ponyville without asking how he felt about it, and you have now disappointed me. You were my foalsitter, I expected better from you."

It was at that point, she lost all her fight too and dejectedly flumpfed over from Twilight's hold into the floor.

Both of them knew, when Twilight Sparkle got formal, you backed down. The Canterlot Bitch always existed within her, just waiting to be tempted out. Neither would dare.

"Talk."

It was at that point, Twilight got up, and left. She needed a shower, physically and mentally she felt like a mess now. This whole teleporting thing... it still left her sooty. And her soul certainly felt blackened.

The two decided to remain in their crumpled pile for a moment, just in case.

"... And if you two haven't figured it out before I come back, there'll be hell to pay!"

And the two decided to sit up and casually start a conversation.

"So, why did you decide to obsessively flood my dead phone with insanity and then chase me halfway across Ponyville?" David started cheerfully.

She just blinked. Partly incredulous at how quickly he recovered, mostly from his answer. "You don't... remember?"

"Remember what?"

"The... The party a couple weeks ago? When we talked?"

He blinked a few times in turn, feeling a fuzzy recollection but nothing else. "Not... really?"

"You were pretty... salted up, I guess. It was the 16th..."

"Salted u-" 'Shit, right, they don't get boozed up the same way.' That was when Celestia came down to Ponyville for whatever, and Pinkie wanted him to be there because he was 'so good at starting lessons...' The most he remembered so far was his desire to not be there. "Ahahah, yeah... the uh... the 16th."

"... You don't remember?" She repeated, almost with a twinge of pain.

"N-no, I do, I do... just..." He pulled a hand to his chin, trying to remember. Yeah, he'd gotten... he'd gotten a little carried away, hadn't he...

And there David was… bored out of his mind. Although Pinkie tried (god knows she tried), he couldn’t really bring himself to get up and join this little party. Even if this was a later one, adults only. Something about the royals coming through, he might’ve been more interested if they hadn’t given him a flat ‘no’ to his questions about going home last time.

… Okay maybe it wasn’t so much a flat ‘no’ as it was a ‘that isn’t physically or magically possible in any way we have discovered yet after intense research,’ but still.

He sighed. He couldn’t just not show up… but y’know what he could do?

Moving to wallflower professionally, he sipped on a cup of spiced cider. Casually blowing some of the steam off of it as he criss-crossed the fuck out of that applesauce, and rested his drink fittingly between his legs. Alright, maybe he’d gone a little heavy on the drinks tonight- but the bars kept slingin’ em’ for em’!

Granted, ponies seemed to burn through alcohol as fast as they did sugar, and it was the salt additives that got them hungover… but asking for a ‘non-salted’ drink seemed to become the cheat code, and not just for his tastebuds. For all they knew, he was getting drunk on salt and then coming back for a virgin palette-cleanser, HAH! Truly, he was a mastermind of loopholes.

Humming happily, he cradled his drink in his hands again. He closed his eyes, sniffing the beautiful spiced fumes and taking a gentle sip, only choking a little bit on the cinnamon. Couldn’t pass on any fresh ciders here, AJ truly was a mad genius. Even if this one burnt more than it had any right to, but considering Celestia ‘you’re fucked, sorry’ herself was visiting, that seemed quite fitting. Speaking of that, she seemed to be talking to Twilight...

“I see I’m not the only one here looking to get drunk and disappear,” He heard a gentle voice just by his ear, nearly causing him to jump out of his skin as a quarter of his drink went flying onto his lap.

“Fuck!” He furiously, and vainly, tried to pat away the slight burn and gathering puddle of alcohol on his good set of pants.

“I-err-sorry!” The same voice peaked, for a gentle blue glow to pull it all out and banish it to some unseen place. Like nothing had ever happened… except for a small scald, though he could grit his teeth through that.

Blinking, and very much not sure what to do with himself, he just stared at his now-dry pants for a few seconds before his eyes slowly went up to meet whoever was here.

… Oh huh, one of said royals-

With his intentions to wallflower likely completely doomed, he tried to scramble his way to his feet, only for her to raise a hoof to stop him. Her eye twitched a bit, and she sat down next to where he once was, giving the room a couple glances back and forth from him.

He matched her looks despite his fear of being unable to hide, only to discover everyone was… carousing. Not a single glance in his direction, even after his spill. In fact, judging by some of those rosy cheeks, they probably passed it off as someone hitting their limits… and deciding to bystander their way out of noticing.

He awkwardly re-applesauced, trying not to lose his drink again as he uncomfortably nudged a bit away from the princess next to him. This was definitely not to plan. One pony wasn’t zero!

Not only was he decidedly not ready for sudden royal intervention into his private hiding time, he was also, as they say, ‘a bit too fucking smashed for this.’

Others might say ‘probably going to forget this anyways, so fuck it.’

For now, he could humour both.

He took a few sneaking glances off at her. At a distance, it was easy to acknowledge that this was royalty. A tall, pink pony alicorn princess with cotton-candy-swirls hair and a giant crystal heart stamped to her ass. Up close, it was pretty much the same, though he’d never been able to see, smell, or really feel a presence like this before. Her horn seemed about as filed as they come, her wings perfectly preened, and her coat shampooed to the point it looked like silk. To say ‘well-kempt’ would be an understatement, if Celestia was visiting, this princess was on display… Hell, her regalia hurt his eyes a little from the perfectly-polished reflection of the gentle firelight around them.

Only thing she was missing was a fancy dress, or some sign saying ‘hey if anyone of note is here, come gawk at her and ask her out!’

He found it incredibly suspicious. From the little pamphlet he read, she was the Princess of Love or something, right? Why’d the Princess of Love of all ponies be single?

Did she eat them, like a mantis, after it’s consummated? Or drain their soul for love, in order to spread it to others? Or-or did she literally eat love or something, and it was a cruel name?

He sipped suspiciously.

In turn, the mare turned her head and blushed a bit, rubbing a hoof against another.

“Y-yeah, that stare seems about right… After I uhm… yeah.”

He caught the drink down the entirely wrong hole, coughing his lungs out after having been caught in the act. Yup! Not even sober enough to be sneaky!

“I-err-” He ahemed a heavy ahem. “Well I just uhh, yeah wasn’t expecting to find anybody else over in my little hidey hole. Much less a-uh… good-looking pony princess?”

Her head raised just a bit as she stared off emptily into the room, blinking a few times before just clearing her own throat and looking away. “Weeeeell… I wasn’t having a good time getting chatted up, and you looked comfy over here, so…”

“Mm, well I was but then…” Her eyes snapped over to him as he, very literally, smacked himself mid-sentence. “Sorry. Let’s try that again. Yeah, I was trying to hide. This kind of stuffy party isn’t my thing, much less with how judgey ponies can be. Last time I danced or did anything they sniggered so… Booze and a corner for me, yup.” He mumbled into the lip of his drink again. “That never changed.”

Her breath caught for a moment as she tried to stifle a half-hearted laugh, but it failed ultimately as a breathy one came out anyways. “Used to not having a good time, then?”

“Yupperooni, very used to that. So!” He raised his glass up for a moment, before meeting it with his lips again. Letting out a very contented sigh as he burned his throat with the cider-cinnamon monstrosity again.

“Yeah… I can get that. These parties are usually a bit… presumptive.”

“S’that why you invaded my personal space and wasted a quarter of my drink?”

Her expression went blank again, before she pulled up a hoof to hide her face. “Maybe?”

She had to stifle a guffaw this time as he smacked himself again. “Sorry, sorry! Definitely overdid it, didn’t mean to come off like that. L-let’s try that again-” It was a herculean effort not to slur here, much less stay awake. Getting a hot drink was not a wise choice. If Pinkie had to drag him home again… Like snuggles are nice and all, but waking up hungover with a pink blob curled into his chest usually leads to panicked responses.

“How about uhm… here, here.” He swallowed down a lump in his throat, self-medicating with another sip of his drink in the meantime. “What’s ah, what’s your name? What’dyou do again? 'Spread love,' right?”

She blinked slowly, meeting his gaze innocently. “... How drunk are you?”

“Enough that I don’t remember why I’m here. Or your name.”

“... Should I get one?” She asked, very slowly.

“Prolly,” he shrugged. “If you don’t intend to go out and talk with anyone else. Since I’m not gonna make a lot of sense.”

She matched his gaze for a long, long moment, the two barely blinking out of fear it would be seen as rude, before a small smile crept onto her face.

“... Cadance. Don’t uh, worry about the princess part.”

He smiled. A goofy, totally-drunk-off-his-ass smile. “David. Don’t worry about the freaky monkey part.”

She couldn’t hold back a snort, as she got up next to him, trotting off with very little warning as her wings fluttered by her side.

“I’ll be back- with a replacement for what I wasted, too!”

“Cut out the salt!” He whisper-yelled off after her. “Stuff is yuck in a good drink!”

“Wasn’t gonna offer you any, anyways!” She chuckled back. “Think I need double, though, I’ll take yours!”

His evil grin would be enough to get him blasted by the elements, he’s sure…

Everything after that was a complete blur. He didn’t remember a lick of it. Hell, he barely remembered Cadance, if it wasn’t for the fact he’d stared a hole through her when she first showed up.

No wonder he didn’t remember their ‘conversation’- he was down his… god, he couldn’t even remember how many drinks he had that night. All he did remember was the fact he couldn’t function the next day. And that somehow, at some point after he got home, he had carved a few figurines to represent the alicorns. They sold well, too. Like, really well.

Divine inspiration, it seemed. Or an alcohol-infused creative frenzy that needed minor alterations later. It was the latter. Definitely the latter.

Cadence seemed to scuff a hoof on the floor nervously, waiting as he rubbed a hand against his chin as if he hadn’t just ran out of memories.

“... Yeah, I completely forgot everything after you went to grab us a couple drinks…” He admitted, leaning into his hands with a groan.

Her ears pinned backwards. “O-oh…”

“Iiiii kinda overdid it.”

“Y-you mentioned, thought you were joking… G-guess that’s why you humoured me for so long.” Almost immediately, whatever second wind had brought her here seemed to crumble with her posture. “And why Pinkie had to drag you home…”

Seeing her deflate like that, it brought a sobering reality to the front. More accurately, the sobering reality that he'd acted nicer, and a bit less like a chaotic clusterfuck while absolutely smashed.

"I-I should've figured... this is usually how it goes. Nopony is ever really interested in what I do, just..." A small sniffle escaped from her, as she buried her face in her hooves. "I'm just the failure-princess."

Twilight raised a hoof to move, having freshly escaped the shower as he had finished reliving his drunken haze, but to her surprise David had already beaten her there.

"H-hey, I never said that, just..." He cleared his throat, awkwardly avoiding the fact he had very much thought something similar in his drunken haze and very much earlier. "To be fair, I was drunk off my ass that night, and I'm kind of used to having crazy ponies break down my door for various reasons."

He settled down next to her, in a familiar criss-crossed position, offering her back a few scritches that many, many ponies seemed to find irresistible so far. It seemed to work at least a tiny bit when her ears struggled against flicking back and perking up. "What did we talk about, then?"

She mumbled half-heartedly, shaking her head. "That's just to make me feel better."

"And is that a crime?" He raised an eyebrow, leaning over to look at her face.

"... No..." She tried to hide it, anyways, moping.

Twilight groaned behind them, turning to walk away again. "You two are like fillies, I swear!"

Both of them paused, meeting each-other's gaze again with an awkward chuckle.

David cleared his throat and leaned back, trying to play it off.

"Why did you... flip like that then?" He asked, just leaning back to create a bit of a distance as he side-eyed her. "Even if I did remember everything, still kind of weird how you approached it."

What he saw made everything clear: That was a face Twilight would make. Embarrassment and petrification definitely included.

Now he knew where she got it from.

'Lonely mare, oddly specific abilities stronger than anyone else's...'

'Dear god, she's a well-meaning lonely incel who encountered someone who asked a genuine question about their hyperfixation.'

It all made sense now. The text walls, the images, everything... She'd tried to answer what she did as the princess of love!

"... Alright, lesson number one: Chasing down somepo-shit-one is not a great way to communicate this message to them. Nor piling pages and pages of theory on them."

"It's normally... pretty accepted, isn't it?"

"Wait, no, that doesn't-" Suddenly, he was taken back into his first weeks in Ponyville. Everyone rushing at him, asking questions- Twilight showing up on his doorstep with twelve pages of questions.

The many times Twilight and her friends got into some random drama to learn a lesson, and chased each-other across the world for it.

... Lyra.

The revelations kept coming.

"... Okay well it's not normal for me! How would you feel if I chased you across Ponyville to answer a series of questions I never got to answer!"

"I dunno! I'd probably find it funny or something!" She protested.

As if to make a point, David planted both his feet on the ground, and rose up to stand over her.

Menacingly.

The prey response worked like a charm.

"Hah! See! You got all scared!"

"Cause you look like you want to eat me! It's different when you're a predator!"

"And what if I do, huh?! What if I live up to that title you just pushed onto me?!"

"Ask me out for dinner fir- Ponyfeathers sorry, force of habit-"

He couldn't hold back a small laugh- before a hand slapped to his mouth.

"... You didn't hear that."

"See, I'm not scary and weird! You are!"

"Hey, don't try and pivot this conversation!"

Twilight watched, with mild annoyance, as the two devolved into another small scuffle in the middle of her blown up living room. What kind of letter was she even supposed to write about this one? What lesson did they learn, did she learn by watching them?

'Dear Princess Celestia, send help I am not qualified for this level of interspecies diplomacy, I have learned my limits today.'

That seemed great!

"Spike! Time for a letter!" She yelled up, unsure if she was supposed to be cheery or not.

"Coming!" Spike yelled back.

"Did you just bite me?!"

"See, didn't hurt, I can't be scary! 'Horsey' teeth don't do anything!"

"That's not how that works, you just showed you're willing to bite me!"

"'Prey' bites don't hurt though!"

"Like hell they don't!"

"Quickly please! Before an incident happens!" Twilight followed.

"... What?" The dragon yelled down, concerned.

David and Cadance were both squaring up, gasping for breath as they were ready for round two of their battle of """wits."""

"SPIKE!" There was no hope without help. They needed Her Grace. "BEFORE I HAVE TO BLOW UP MY LIVING ROOM AGAIN!"

"Okay, okay, jeez-" He groaned from above.

"Wait, wait, incident-" David looked over at the mare, only now processing her own yells. The 'blow up' part probably helped.

"... I can't explain to Auntie again why I caused another 'incident'..." Cadance suddenly looked mortified. "She's going to ban me from ever leaving the castle at this point."

"... Again?" He squinted at her.

"... Again. Do you ever wonder where Twilight's speeches come from? Where her 'social awareness' does? What she does when she thinks you're in the wrong?" And now? Now she looked terrified.

He had to pause, to process this information. The long dronings, the explanations of how magic worked...
The way she would dress down his entire personality, stripping him down like he was a frog on a dissection table...
All the while smiling at him as he wanted to cry from boredom, and then pure distress as every mistake he ever made since coming here was laid in front of him.

"She wouldn't dare do it to me- nor you if I stopped her- but do you know who would?" She followed up, pressing the point as her voice trembled.

He had made his choice, of the two evils. He wouldn't go through that again, much less from the goddess who he could swear stared through him when Twilight showed off the 'alien' to her oh so long ago... "Run?"

"Run." She threw him a panicked smile.

"H-hey! Come back here, I need to prove I learned my lesson!" Twilight yelled, making a step towards them.

"Lesson learned: Misunderstandings are bad!" David proceeded to charge straight at the door, with Cadance quickly in tow.

"That's not a lesson!" She cried, charging at them. "Or, err, already learned that one! You owe me one, David!"

"You'll never catch us alive!" He cried, slamming the door open and charging towards freedom.

"S-see, perfectly normal!" Cadance laughed, taking off ahead of him. Notably faster than he could ever run. She was... a horse, wasn't she? Of course she was fast.

Meanwhile Twilight lagged behind him, looking even more frustrated as Cadance took off and made some distance. Even though her hooves weren't that different in size from her's. She looked like Cadance had just stolen something from her.

"... Still don't forgive you!" He groaned, as everything started to piece together in his head. Of course this was normal, of course this is why ponies always barged into his house and chased him down!

"Yet!" She laughed, sticking her tongue out at them before her wings snapped open and she took off above them. "And don't think this is over!"

"Cheater!" Both the creatures on the ground yelled off after her, as she flew off with a wicked giggle. He could swear he heard the air itself snap as she disappeared off into the sun.

The others soon lost their tempo, slowing down to less than a walk. He pulled a hand to his brow, using it to shield his gaze as he stared off into the sunlit sky, but not finding her. The former pegasus a master in her craft of retreat in her domain.

He sighed. That adventure was over. "... She was kind of cute, for a weird incel," he mumbled.

"What?" Twilight asked, her voice and eyes snapping over towards him in judgement.

"Nothing."

Author's Note

Not after the last one just... stared at his hands. Menacingly. And started rambling about hoof holding, and tummy rubs and... ear scritches and... nuzzled into them and... and... the unmentionable things he had wrought from his mind...

Pic related

~~Sneaking in a joke about Metal Gear while the named human's name is 'David' was an accidental occurrence and I am so glad it happened.~~

New Messages

David startled himself awake, hearing his phone vibrate somewhere on the floor. With a sudden panic, he tried to rush out of bed- falling head-first onto the floor with a thud instead.

He groaned, clutching his face roughly, digging his fingers in as he tried to feel anything other than the pain. He'd gotten completely worn out today, being forced to fix the library after the chaos """he""" wrought.

'Stupid unicorns and their dumb explosive magic...'

... At least his nose wasn't bleeding?

Christ, he must be 90% bruise by now, though... Much less his aching muscles, Spike was not a kind taskmaster.

Bzzzzt! >:(

Oh shit right, his phone!

His flipped and flopped on the floor, searching for it, finding it under his bed after a few failed, guideless slaps of his arm in it's general direction. It had been thrown earlier when he fled, and honestly, he'd forgotten about it...

Might have had something to do with the trauma. Wait, didn't it run for it's life too?

He squinted, pressing on the home button. It was alive, again!

In fact, it was fully charged... and that message. 'Unknown sender' on the notification pane.

He squinted, failing to type in the password he'd almost forgotten several times, awkwardly having to wait for it to boot him out for 5 seconds, and then finally nailing it. Totally not having a fist-pump in the process.

It was the same 'unknown sender' from before... And there were several messages.

"Oh no..." The chaos hadn't ended yet... She did promise it wasn't over.

Cringing slightly to himself, he pressed a finger to the screen, and...

-"By the way, Twilight's scans were pretty thorough of this thing, along with the notes you left on the pages. Honestly, replicating it with magic wasn't that hard (thanks Twilight for sending me the copies when I asked, by the way) providing energy to all these different gizmos through logic is pretty neat. But something semi-sentient works a lot better. Whoever came up with all those ones and zeroes is a psychopath, but copying that little... silicon library thing seemed to be half the battle done! I uh, did that 'factory reset' thing I found in the 'settings', to be sure I wasn't snooping on anything though."

-"If you're wondering how yours is working, basically I just have to fill the 'battery' in it with energy. Not that hard. Just need to respect the limits and chemicals stored inside. By the way, are your people resistant to poison? Or fire? Keeping something like this close to your bed seems suuuper sketchy."

-"I'll uhm, try not to fill this too much. (Is it normal to sound yourself out in these quick letters?) But hopefully having this thing working could be a taste of home!"

-"Also, if Twilight asks... Yeah, I am pretty awesome at replicating things. No, she can't have one. That's for yelling at me earlier. Hah!"

-"These really are a lot more convenient than typewriters or quills. Like so much more convenient. And your people don't have magic, right? How did you manage this?! And the 'pictures' made sending all those charts super easy earlier, like seriously it's amazing what this thing can do! No film, no complicated stuff, just all in energy! Like yeah I need to connect the two little 'antenna' things so they can talk, but like... it's amazing!"

... He actually chuckled to himself. "Guess she found her new fixation, huh?"

He casually pressed his fingers to the screen, typing something out in a tempo that came back like an old friend.

"Trial and error, and hundreds of years of progress. Thanks for cheating and stealing all of that, by the way. I want a cut if you sell it. My gizmo. Curious how you cut corners with magic, though, I thought the electricity was kind of the entire reason it worked. Even substituting it out for an infinite energy source doesn't seem like a solution to that. Also not sure how you're replicating a data network with magic but, some questions are better without answers."

He sighed, rolling over onto his back, letting his hand fall to the floor with a thump, phone in hand.

Bzzzt!

... That was quick. Made sense though, the earlier buzzing woke him up.

-"Hahaha, well I wasn't going to do anything with this unless I'd talked to you about it first. And as for replicating it, honestly again, it was easy. Twilight's scans were down to each metal used, alloys, all the crazy stuff. The 'battery' could go (no danger-chemicals in my bed, thank you!) and a few other things, but aside from that it was 1:1. The 'battery percentage' angrily keeps going up and down though. I think I should uh, get rid of the contacts in there to check how full it is. Or it might have a meltdown. Actually it's getting really hot and the screen is getting bright I'll send you a letter later kinks in the design ow my hooves"

He squinted at his phone, concern washing over him.

"... Don't die." He tapped away.

Again, he let his phone drop. His fingers tapping away passively, and anxiously.

It seemed less than a minute later, that...

Bzzzt!

He raised it again.

-"Okay yeah there's some kinks to iron out. Good news is, I fixed it!"

"That was quick."

-"You see, that's my secret..."

He waited a few seconds, before raising an eyebrow and tapping away again as her little 'typing' message didn't show up.

"Which is...?"

-"That's a secret, dummy!"

He snorted. Walked right into that one...

"Well, I'll give you one thing, you're amazing if you can figure out technology like that so quickly. Just casually skipped by the entire latter half of the industrial era."

-"Yeah, I am pretty amazing"

He snorted again, shaking his head as he rested his phone against his forehead. He must've had a good reason to be able to talk to her the other night, right?

David pauses for a long moment, thinking best of how to communicate what he was thinking. Strumming his fingers back and forth between the space and the backspace, before he finally figured out what he wanted to say.

"Honestly, you remind me of a mostly more functional Twilight."

-"Is that supposed to be a compliment or an insult?"

"A compliment. I see why you two got along. Definitely more outgoing than her, for all the ways she's trying to be nipped and tugged into being that way."

-"Well, I probably would be a bit more 'outgoing' if Celestia didn't keep me cooped up in this castle. I swear, she thinks anytime I leave I just cause trouble!"

"With respect..."

-"Hey, don't start."

He smiles.

"A bit late for that, love princess without a lover."

-"Not you too! Why does everypony think that's a big problem, hay I blame it on Celestia keeping me cooped up! I'm plenty desirable! And normal!"

"I dunno, it seems like a self-fulfilling prophecy there. Cause trouble like a kid desperate for a crush, get locked away."

There was a long pause. He stopped, a bit nervous he'd pushed a button.

-"You've made an enemy this day, David, one that won't forget."

"Bring it. In case you didn't notice, you lose the physical fight. At least when you don't play cheap."

-"That's not the fight I'm going to win."

"What fight are you going to win, then?"

-"The long game. You'll see."

An image flashed before him. A picture of Cadance, roughly pointing it towards her horn, a spell woven around it that was shining extremely brightly, and at the tip was a small, red heart.

-"Since you've already lost the war."

He raised an eyebrow. Tapping back away.

"Ponies and your magic. You haven't won any wars, not yet. In fact, you've underestimated your enemy."

-"Oh do tell, mister 'doesn't know magic,' how I haven't won this war, in which you don't know the field?"

"Because, I can kill you now. It'd be easy."

-"Prove it."

"You're cute."

He smiled, as the 'typing' notification came, then went, and then nothing else appeared for a solid minute.

Hah! Victory!

"... If a little weird."

Then she started typing again, instantly.

-"Hey, that's a dirty trick!"

"All's fair in love and war, as they say back home. You choose war, I choose to win."

-"You have no clue how much you're going to regret this. Really cool saying aside."

"Try me."

-"Oh I will."

There was a pause. He stared at the screen, his eyes slowly narrowing.

-"I'm sorry that was a bad joke they just slip out!"

He laughed, loudly.

"Desperate much?"

-"Cooped up. In. A. Castle. I'm going insane. Desperation is a word present in the dictionary, yes."

"Iunno, sounds like the start to some cheesy rendezvous."

-"Don't start. I'm already dying from embarrassment."

"Says miss war."

-"Fuck you."

He choked, laughing.

-"Fuck."

-"Buck."

-"Ew, that's annoying."

He smirked, rolling over onto his side on the floor, getting a bit comfortable.

"Thanks for this."

-"For what? Making a fool of myself?"

"Reminding me of home, even for a bit. Stupid text chains like this are kind of nostalgic honestly. You being the same kind of crazy as me helped. I haven't been having a good time since I ended up here. Sorry for things getting uh, physical though. Sure you can understand why."

There was another pause, for about a minute.

-"Thanks for putting up with me. I've been feeling a bit low recently, to be honest. While I love my aunty, she's been... impatient with me. Almost like I've done something wrong. Like I'm not 'ready' for something I'm supposed to do, and it's been a lot. She's very particular about her plans and how things are 'supposed' to be, but she never tells you anything. I just miss going out and talking to ponies, spreading love like I used to. Her... teasing doesn't help."

She kept typing... he leaned back for a moment, just watching with a softening expression.

-"Honestly I think she's upset I haven't been successful in finding my own path. But I've been okay. Alicorns serve others, right? That's what she taught me."

-"Even I can recognize in myself I have gotten pushy and a bit desperate too. But I don't know how much is the stress, how much is my aunty, and how much is my cutie mark trying to push me towards it. But it feels like everypony is the target of it, and I'm trying to keep myself in line. It's like a bubble of feelings that keep growing until they want to burst. And I just want anypony to pop it, to just, get it out!"

-"But I'm causing enough trouble. Maybe I should stay here for a bit. I'm really sorry for just like, obsessively sending you all that stuff earlier- I should've read the room that you were just like... being cordial. Hahaha, I guess I can see what you meant by me and Twilight being alike."

There was a small pause, where Cadance seemed to be 'typing' for a while, before she stopped, started again, and repeated that about 3 more times... He was tempted to try and write something in the meantime, but stopped just shy of the keyboard, content to let her write on as he re-read her paragraphs a few times.

-"This has been nice too. These things are super convenient. Magic used to keep them connected aside, once you get them going they're amazing. Like I opened that calculator thing and I'm pretty sure Twilight would have a religious experience with it. And don't worry. I uh, kind of threw the first hoof back then too..."

Gently, subconsciously squeezing the phone between his palms, he finally tapped away at the screen himself. Although he did shelve that Twilight idea for now.

"You honestly don't need to worry about all of that. My head hasn't been in the best place anyways. Kind of been expected to adapt with all this chaos, I think I'm about as insane as they come at this point. It's been nice to see something 'real' though. I feel like all I've been dealing with in my day-to-day has been like..." His mind wandered to Lyra, and he shivered. "The worst kinds of things. It's been nice. It's rare that I've felt something like this."

Her typing lingered for another long moment, before her response came...

-"Yeah... I can understand that. My head's been in all sorts of places recently, but I'm sure you figured that out too. I can kinda see why Aunty says I'm acting like a teenager. I am. Sorry for earlier. Ponies dance around me and avoid me, or they want something from me and... I guess I'm happy for any kind of good interaction, even if I have to force it. Sounds pathetic, huh?"

"Not really. The same can be said about me, but maybe in the opposite direction. Nothing seems real here, so I don't want anything to do with it, honestly. Hence the uh... running. Usually there's a trick to it- if I get Twilight involved it becomes some sort of 'lesson' and I get off the universal hook. Ish."

His mind lingered in a few dark places, as his fingers strummed back and forth on the screen for another minute. He sighed, moving back to clear what he'd added. He didn't need to trauma-dump in pony-land of all places. She didn't need it either, it seemed. She was being patient enough to wait for him to type out whatever was coming to his mind, and he figured giving her paragraphs of madness on how this perfect land felt like a personal purgatory might come off weird...

His mouth curled into a small smile as an idea came to him.

"How about a distraction?"

-"A distraction?"

"Tell me how you go about 'spreading love' when you're out and about in Canterlot. Without the alcohol to empty my mind, this time."

There was a long pause. David was about 90% sure he'd sealed his fate with that one action.

-"That's not a simple topic. I'm going to need to make some visuals. Ponies think it's just magic but that doesn't work unless there's already a connection. It's complicated, and messy, and really hard to do without damaging the ponies involved and their future relationship once the spell's 'nudge' fades. Like, it's an art."

"Prolly isn't any worse than the walls and walls of images and texts from before."

-"I'm giving you one last chance to back out before you're not allowed to sleep tonight."

He chuckled again.

"Try me."

-"At this rate, you'll be trying me."

He paused, choking again.

-"I'm so sorry, they keep slipping out!"

He let out a loud guffaw, curling onto his side on the floor.

"Sounds like fun." He shot back.

Right as he was typing that, her response came, fighting in place against his.

-"You're being too nice too, why haven't you told me to shut up?!"

He kept typing, as her typing notification fought back again.

"I mean, shit, that didn't slip out."

-"Don't tease me like that, please! I'm embarrassed enough!"

He laughed to himself, shaking his head a little.

-"Mortified now, thank you."

His chuckles still continued for a moment, as his gaze softened a little more. He was feeling a bit tired... but he figured he could survive for now.

"Then start charting, and stop being a clingy little filly."

-"Buck you. (Hah, defeated the word corrector this time!)"

"Yeah, yeah, you'd like that. Put the damn phone down."

-"I hate that that made me blush."

"You're fighting a seasoned text warrior, so back off and go do your nerdy things. I'll wait. Not like I have much to do tomorrow, anyways."

After a few minutes of dropping his phone, checking it again, seeing nothing, and then continuing the cycle, he eventually crawled his way off the floor, giving himself a shake. Seemed like as good a time as any to go take a shower... he'd kind of forgotten earlier. Mostly because he'd passed out the minute he got home. He feared stretching, lest his muscles decide he's better off a pretzel.

Unbeknownst to him, the minute he left to take one, a long string of images and texts would await him...

Ones he was all the happy to respond to, through the night.

Cadance leaned back into her pile of pillows, sighing to herself. Gently flicking her nose against the screen, she went up, and up, and up... wanting to just, reread everything between them.

She paused for a moment, seeing one image, her breath hitching for a moment. The one she'd taken of herself, with that spell glowing on her horn. Brightly. A heart at the top. Her face went rosy.

She flipped around, shoving the 'phone' under her pillow as she buried her nose into it, groaning loudly. "I'm such a buckin' teenager sometimes..."

First, that image, then those paragraphs...

At this point, she might as well wear a sign that says 'hey, I'm desperate!'

She mumbled slightly into her pillow, content to hide forever. Especially so from the sun starting to filter through her window...

An incredibly muffled and tortured, Bzzzzt!

And forever was apparently 5 seconds, before she desperately fished the little black glass and metal thingie from under the pillow and 'unlocked' it in a torrent of flailing hooves and scattering feathers.

-"I'm passing out, but goodnight Cadie. Today was fun."

Her breath hitched again as she sat up. Not the butterflies!

-"Err, sorry for the nickname. Half asleep. Cadance. Good morning technically? Iunno, I'm gonna pass out."

She shoved her nose against that little keyboard, on top of that funny symbol with the circle in the brazier. Speaking out-loud to the little box, before shoving her nose against it again to fix all the things it wrote completely wrong.

"Goodnight, David. I'd give you a lovely nickname too but your name is harder to do that with. Without making a nautical joke, at least."

She blinked a few times, pulling back to stare at the screen, anxiety bubbling in her chest. These things were atrocious, she never realized how much was missing when you couldn't read their expressions! Not hearing their voice was bad enough...
Gah, why did the butterflies have to make it worse!

... And then a little heart appeared under the corner of her message, followed by a face that seemed to be laughing. And she made an incredibly adult noise that wasn't a squeal of joy, before she fumbled with the box and accidentally sent it off the side of her bed with another panicked squeak. More feathers going flying as she failed to catch it, but rather went with it into the floor, as did her sheets.

Author's Note

If you've ever written something out and gone 'this feels a bit too real,' it was this for me. Small, joking text chains that break into long personal tangents, then winding back to someone's interests... yeah.

1 Unread Message

Stars above, Celestia really did hate parties like this... All of these ponies from various towns and cities, brought together due to their stature. She'd hoped, and really prayed, that Cadance would get out of her shell, but...

Frankly, this was ridiculous. They were visiting Ponyville now to find her a suitor... Things were supposed to be far ahead by now. This wasn't to plan.

A slight headache came to her, which she nursed all the happily with a delicious drink. Destiny was rarely an easy thing. Frankly, she didn't know what went wrong in the first place. But she just... didn't seem to get along with anypony else.

Okay, maybe that wasn't being fair. Cadance got along with most ponies, period. But she didn't like anypony... Not after last time.

"Princess?" Twilight's voice perked up next to her, nearly causing her to choke.

"Y-yes?" She daintily patted a napkin to her lips, in order to hide her own mess.

"Why did... Luna not come?" The innocent question came, only for her to wince in response.

'With due respect, Celestia, if we must show up to another one of these 'parties' where your replacement for me fails to get bedded, we'll jump from the highest tow-'

"She-ah... She didn't want to." And technically, she wasn't lying.

"O-oh..." Her most faithful student's head dropped. "I haven't seen her since... well, the elements. I was worried she wasn't getting treated well."

She couldn't help but find a smile find it's way to her face. Despite everything, that empathy was why she knew Twilight was her choice. And why she was happy to let Cadance set her on that path, as well...

"She's recovering. But the process is a long one; most of the magic was purged from her body." She reached a hoof out to Twilight's chin, gently raising it to match her gaze. "She's decided to present her best to the kingdom, as you of all ponies should understand how she's perceived by ponies who don't understand who she is after her absence."

The mental image of Luna's mane wildly fritzing with partially-ethereal hair energizing her normal hair into a permanent state of bed-hair almost made her crack a grin. It wasn't helped by the mental image of her showing up to court like that...

"I-I think I can understand that..." Twilight mumbled in response, still moping a bit. "But Cadance ran off too, so I just feel a bit... out of place. Rainbow is talking to the weather team, Applejack to the Riches, Pinkie is being Pinkie, Fluttershy is hiding, and Rarity is..." She paused, sighing. "Being Rarity."

"And why would that be? You're an element, aren't you?" Celestia chuckled. "You'd be surprised how many ponies here would love a conversation with you. It wouldn't hurt to try."

On the topic of Cadance, though... Her eyes briefly flicked from corner to corner of the room. 'She didn't run again, did she?' She felt about ready to pout as she couldn't quite spot her-

Wait, was she... Talking to that creature Twilight had shown her? The one said to be from another world? Her curiosity was peaked.

"Princess?" Twilight asked from her side again, gently removing her head from her mentor's hoof. "What're you looking at?"

"Them," She deftly pointed a hoof. "I have never seen Cadance touch an ounce of salt, much less look so animated."

... Maybe she'd been wrong to have tried to push her towards the more advantageous choices for a pairing, but... Honestly, at this point she'd take anything!

Maybe that also sounded a bit wrong, but Cadance was picky if anything! She sighed, she understood how easy it was to be dissuaded, but she didn't even seem to try anymore...

"Oh." Twilight's muzzle scrunched up a bit. "David's a bit... of a character."

"A... character?" She asked.

"Yeah. He's always a bit... Weird." Her student's expression was a bit uncomfortable.

"Weird, how?" She pressed.

"Weird like- a weird look in his eyes. I don't know, I can't explain it. He's just... he doesn't get along with most ponies well, and he doesn't always seem there. But then he won't talk about it, and..."

"Hmm..." Her gaze lingered on them for a moment, as Cadance gestured wildly and connected invisible dots in the air, for the clearly-not-sober alien to lean into a hand with a goofy little grin. "I can work with this, it could help them both. Even if the nobles might be upset."

"What?" Twilight's gaze snapped back to her again, perturbed.

"Nothing."

... Now how did she have to tease Cadance before she'd run off to find this 'David' again...

Clearly, he looked like he wasn't going to remember a moment from tonight, judging by how often he nearly fell over while leaned into that hand. So she'd have to resort to drastic measures...

And if she knew anything about her adoptive Niece, it's that she could talk about her passion for hours... And that wasn't a bad thing! She liked talking about the intricacies of moving the sun relating to the shift in seasons and other requirements to keep nature steady as well!

A wicked little grin came to her. Oh, she knew how she was going to do this... She just needed an address, some honeyed words to her Niece about how she felt about her passion, ask her about the party... Another reminder about how she had yet to find her match...

"P-princess? Why are y-"

She cleared her throat, wings flaring up behind her as she walked off towards the bar, finding her drink very empty by now. "Come, my faithful student. Let's discuss some of the lessons you've learnt since we were last together, if you have no intentions to go out and mingle tonight..."

"I-uh-O-Okay!" She followed along with an energised trot.

'I feel I will owe you both an apology later, but I assure you, this will be for the best.'

Now she only hoped Cadance wouldn't completely drop the ball, like she did with Twilight's brother...

Author's Note

I couldn't help myself...
I always picture Celestia more as an opportunist than some grand planner- it would go a way to explain things!

Thanks for reading, there's probably so many mistakes, clunky writing, and struggling from starting to use third-person properly- but HEY, I had fun! :trollestia:
Plus at some point I was like 'ah fuck I'm going too long' lmao. Morphed from a stupid one-shot, to a 10k of me just going 'and then-' So I had to eventually grab my hand and go 'just post it.'
Please point out any and all grammar and spelling mistakes so I can fix them and act like they never happened. Definitely didn't feel as refined as usual, but that's just a biproduct of me getting out of my comfort zone, and starting to get myself writing again... in more ways than one.

Bonus: Reminder

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-

David's hand smacked the table next to him, raising his head with a groggy groan. It felt like he'd barely-

... Oh. His alarm. Guess he never got a chance to turn it off... He took a look around the room, a mixture of disappointment and frustration on his face.

Still in pony-land... Another day out of place.

With another groan, he swept his legs over the side of his bed and rubbed his face. By his best guestimates, he'd only gotten a couple hours of sleep.

Bzzt!

He raised an eyebrow, reaching out to his phone and picking it up, flipping it in his hand a couple of times to inspect the old scratched-up thing, before finally opening it.

-"Celestia hath no mercy on anybody who sleeps in."

-"AnyPONY. Leave me alone, electric-metal demon, I just woke up."

A small smile found it's way onto his face again.

"Neither does the alarm I forgot about. Convenient timing."

He stood up, giving himself a hearty stretch, hoisting his phone in the air in the process.

Bzz-

Mid-stretch, the thing bzzz'd out of his hand, landing on his head with a hard thump. "Shit!"

No matter how much damn time passed, he couldn't stop himself from dropping the thing.

Rubbing his head with a small self-deprecating groan, he leaned down to pick up the thing again, slowly meandering his way to the bathroom.

-"Knowing my Aunty, that's no coincidence... Long day for us both, eh?"

"Long text chain, stay up too late, have to get up to do shit... nah, that's pretty par for the course honestly. I'd suggest you burn that thing before it ruins your life."

-"I mean, technically that'd only be a bad habit if I kept letting you keep me up."

He smirked a bit. He could identify that challenge from anywhere.

"So if I message you at 11pm asking if two ponies look cute together you won't fish the thing out from under your pillow and decide to sleep never?"

-"No promises~"

"She's already using tildes, we're all doomed."

He saw her reply come in the form of a laughing face tagged below his message, and he smiled a little more. How familiar was she getting with that thing? He suspected he was about to ruin the attention span of an entire species, if she managed to replicate any more of these things...

With a small mumble, he casually set it to sleep and reached for his toothbrush. If he remembered correctly, Pinkie was going to drag him somewhere today, if he was up. He'd nearly forgotten, and honestly dreaded it, but...

Well, she wouldn't let him stay cooped up inside, no matter how hard he tried. Now he just hoped he could keep his head down... Better not to see her again.

"This object is quite amazing, seeing what it can do..." Celestia mumbled, all but stealing the small box out of Cadance's hooves with a small whisp of magic- for the mare to try and fish it back with a 'hey!' though with little success... "It explains your fixation with it, since I woke you up."

"I-It's primary function seems to be to-" She swatted a hoof at it, for Celestia to pull it away with a small tug of magic. "-Send and receive messages, at least so far!"

"I can see that..." She hummed, pressing the tiniest bit of energy against it's surface along with a precise telekinetic push, seeming to be able to make the strings of messages go forever as she dragged it downwards...

"How did you...?" The smaller princess's eyes widened as she saw her mentor so effortlessly move through it. She didn't even use her nose!

"Well, I took a look at those notes you brought up here from Twilight, after you were done with them... this 'touchscreen' seems to look for a push and a charge, so if you just do the tiniest bit..." She flicked the magic against it a little faster, letting out a little giggle when the messages truly flew by like a set of slots. "My, my, there are a lot of these little letters between you two..."

The guilty party felt her face get a lot more warm at that. "W-well he asked me about what I did, so... Y'know! I needed to go into detail!"

"And all the letters and images before he started replying?" Celestia threw her a sly grin. "What was that for?"

"I-well-" She puffed up her cheeks, looking away and swatting her tail at the larger mare's legs, to her giggle. "He also asked about what I did then! But he... forgot. So I had to catch him up again later!"

She leaned her nose in close to the screen, as she scrolled it down again... "... And all the flirting?"

"Th-that- that isn't flirting!"

For once, Celestia was surprised- she didn't follow it up, she just... denied it. It was rare she was that flustered... And here she thought she was being a bit cruel, being on her flanks the way she had been since the little party.

But yet again- seeing Cadance throw herself at the task of replicating this little object of her's, it seemed to have worked out well... for a start, at least. And after she had seemed so down in the dumps, it was honestly refreshing to see her like that. She honestly feared what Twilight and Cadance could do if they worked together on something like this, with how their minds could both sharpen intensely if they felt impassioned.

"Mmm... I assume this was the same colt you were gesturing to wildly at the visitation in Ponyville, then?" She, however, could not help herself.

The smaller alicorn nearly tripped over herself, to the proper laughter of Celestia. "I thought- everypony seemed distracted!"

"Oh, he certainly seemed distracted by the amount of drinks he had. To think, my niece would stoop to such a level... No wonder he forgot, I can only imagine what you did, considering I didn't see you that night..."

To say her face was red would be an understatement. "Hey! I didn't- I just flew back late and passed out I didn't-"

"You brought a colt into the castle without even asking? Tch, tch..."

At this point, again, she was beyond mortified. "A-Aunty! I didn't do anything! I wouldn't do anything, and you know it!"

"I know," She disarmed her with a small pat to the head, which only elicited an annoyed snort from her. "But, it would be better than you... causing trouble again."

And there was that look of shame...

"Again, you don't need to be dissuaded so easily..." She gently stopped her with a large white wing, only to lean down and nuzzle her gently. "Not everything happens perfectly. Every bad experience is one to learn from."

"I just don't like the idea that being myself is..." Cadance trailed off, pulling gently away from her, to continue down the halls. "S-so, what did you have in mind for breakfast?"

She pursed her lips slightly, feeling a small pit form in her stomach. 'It's been nearly a year, and she still...'

She sighed quietly, taking a gentle step forwards. She could push, but she couldn't rush things.

Cadance would be ready when she was ready. Not when Celestia decided she was...

Author's Note

I wrote this and kinda-edited it in 30-40 minutes, at 5am! :trollestia:

The fact the story did so well is astounding lmao, been on featured for a few days now...

Thought I'd offer this, not so much as a promise to the story continuing or anything, buuuuut...

Just the fact I appreciate the lot of you, and that I'm glad so many people have enjoyed my stupid stories over the years. So long as you put effort into something, it can be astounding how it turns out.
Every story of mine comes from the heart in some way; they're all a bit personal, or at least the comedy is straight up me just laughing to myself in text form, and presenting it to you.

Bonus II: Recharging

"I've been thinking..."

Cadance knew one thing on this planet, when her Auntie was 'thinking,' nothing good would ever come from this.

She decided to keep her head down, and focus on her pancakes instead. Those were less likely to betray her.

"Maybe I have been wrong, keeping you cooped up in the castle so much."

Except when they did, and she choked on them. Her trust, betrayed again!

"I-cough, what do you mean?" She very cautiously rose her head to meet Celestia's gaze, who seemed to be twiddling with her fork and knife.

"It's just... I know there are a lot of memories here you'd rather not linger with. Faces you'd rather not see. Especially after... well, all those balls and meetups and parties and-" Celestia cut herself off for a moment, sighing quietly. "I've been worried that you weren't recovering well, but maybe I was the one not considering how you were really feeling. It can't be easy for years of effort to..."

Cadance's ears twisted back slightly, and her gaze dropped to her plate again.

"... Exactly that. Seeing how quickly you found your footing the moment you left Canterlot, I'm starting to consider if what you need isn't so much to be sheltered or pampered in the castle, as it is... Well, getting some fresh air." Her mentor let out a small chuckle at the end, letting off some of her own tension even as it did little to remove hers. "I made a mistake with Twilight, not pushing her to reach out before she was to fulfil her destiny. It turned out well, yes, but... If everything is a manner of destiny, I have to wonder if that takes anything from a pony."

Her lip thinned for a brief moment, but she banished the thoughts that came with it.

Celestia leaned back in her chair, slipping her utensils quietly back under the lips of her plate. Staring up at the ceiling for a moment, she pulled in a long breath. "While I know I said I would take you back under my wing in an effort to make you feel better, maybe I should have given you the same push I ought to have earlier with her."

Her eyes flicked back to her oldest student again, briefly narrowing as her gaze remained firmly facing downwards. 'It really is that bad, isn't it?'

"So, I was thinking... Maybe you could take a small break. Get out of the castle, not have to show up to every gala or little event. My ponies do tend to... overcelebrate. Stretch your hooves a little, preen your wings, test your magic. That sort of thing. I'm still here, to steward our kingdom, and Luna wants to take an active role again. We've both had long, long lives to live, and yours has barely started. We became alicorns much later in life than you, and... perhaps you deserve some of that experience as well."

"Where would I even go?" Cadance muttered, still staring downwards. "It's not like I can stay with the Sparkles anymore. And most of the houses haven't exactly been kind to me..."

The effort it took to not laugh rivalled the first few times Celestia had to properly raise the sun alone. She might've felt a bit worse about that, but... Love was maybe as blinding as it was blind, in this case. Hurtful as it can be.

She raised an eyebrow, looking down at Cadance again. "Well, where would you like to go? Anywhere is an option. You could even go home if you liked, as far away as that is..."

She went quiet again.

"Hmm... well if you don't have any ideas... I can think of one," She started, the effort needed to not smile pre-emptively outweighing any of the effort from before. "One that would keep you close if you felt like coming back to do your duties, as I know your passion for your talents are quite... Strong."

Cadance remained quiet, but her ears did flick in slight interest.

'Now for the hook.'

"I was thinking- with threats like... The Nightmare moving there during crises, and the rather explosive population growth recently with it's notability, Ponyville could use a closer watch from the crown..." Celestia knew she'd already succeeded in some way, when Cadance's eyes flicked open in interest- whatever thoughts were drowning her mind quickly dashed away, even if she didn't dare look up yet. "And considering what Twilight has told me about the chaos there, I thought it was a bit unfair for her to have to deal with it all alone. Well, her and her friends without more tools from the crown to aide them, if they are to be our protectors. Their names are already beginning to spread after the gala, so their anonymity is at an end as well..."

She tapped a hoof to her chin, nodding to herself for exaggerated effect. "You already know much about the magic of friendship, much less love, a powerful force in itself that is quite related. Especially as another mentor to her, I thought Twilight could use a helping hoof. Much less the fact that only exposing yourself to the rather formal love of Canterlot's upper crust cannot be good for your own studies..."

Her eyes flicked briefly to Cadance's cutie mark, though didn't linger for too long.

"So," She nodded again, moving her hoof from her chin to the table as she leaned over closer to Cadance. "What are your thought-"

"Would I be staying with Twilight?" Cadance cut her off- near the end of her question sure, but... Celestia couldn't keep her smile hidden any more. "What exactly would I have to do, if I'm there as a Princess?"

"We'll decide your lodgings later this week, but for now- Continue your duties as the Princess of Love, spreading it as you see fit. Protect Equestria to the best of your abilities. Support Twilight, but you are to step out when you feel the elements are making a mark on her, or her friends."

She moved a hoof over, gently pressing it to Cadance's chest. "And to take it slow, and take a small break. As a personal request, I intend you to teach yourself and Twilight how to slow down a bit. Your mind tends to linger and fixate too much, my little pony, and though I understand passion, I also understand how it feels to punish oneself."

"I'm not sure I can promise that last part," The smaller alicorn mumbled, looking away with a soft blush. "But that does sound... nice, actually. This city can be... a lot sometimes. Especially when you're stuck in the castle..."

Celestia nodded, giggling to herself a bit. "Don't I know i-" She caught herself, clearing her throat. "Now, I don't intend for it to be now, I expect a week or two for the necessary work to clear you from the schedule and get your affairs in order... But, I don't intend to keep you here any longer than necessary either. I have been suffocating you, and I see that now. As odd as it seems, sending away my students seems to have a better track-record than keeping them too close."

... She missed Sunset.

She went the tiniest bit stiff in surprise as Cadance stepped forwards out of her seat to rest her head against her chest, though she was all the happy to wrap a wing around her and tug her close.

"I just don't think you're very good at letting anypony leave the nest, until the last possible moment..." She mumbled a bit. "How long would I have stayed here if I didn't... you know?"

Her expression went blank and she stared forwards, over her student. Opting to say nothing, knowing she was right.

The giggles from under her only left her with one resort: to swat her with her wing while retracting it, even as it made Cadance laugh even louder.

"To think I do this for you, and you betray me like this..." She pouted, flicking her wing towards the door a few times. "Take your food and go settle your affairs. I won't forget this, Niece."

It was genuinely hard to understate how infectious Cadance's laughter could be, but those giggles of hers truly threatened to break her pout.

"... Thank you, Auntie. I thought I was going to be stuck here forever since I couldn't..." She peeled off, using her magic to lift her plate, and deftly swiping a hoof against the little black box that sat next to it. "I feel... kind of bad for doubting you now. But I know you only want the best for everypony."

She turned, and started to leave with quite the pep to her step. When close to the door, Celestia caught her raising that 'phone' of her's...

"Tell David I said hello," She called, a wicked grin coming to her face. "And that no, you can't stay over again, after your last drunk fiasco with him."

Her magic faltered last moment, causing Cadance to walk face-first into one of the doors of the castle, her phone and food both falling to the floor with a loud crash.

For once, in what felt like years, Celestia wheezed.

"Ooo, that one was a doozy!" Pinkie all but vibrated on David's back, who groaned in response.

"Care to stop moving that much? I'm already struggling here..." He sighed. This mare did not understand personal space. Nor how heavy she actually was.

"I can't help it! My hooves are a schmoovin'!"

"... What does that mean exactly?"

She leaned in to his ear, ominously. "It means you should watch your step, David, or you might drop the ball!"

"Why do I put up with you, you hardly make sense..."

"Because you love me! Everypony loves Pinkie Pie!"

"Good thing I'm not a pony, then..."

"Not yet!"

"... The hell does that mean?"

"Nothin'!" Pinkie finally stopped vibrating on his back, instead propping herself on top of his head, taking a gander around the town from her newly minted watchtower. "It waaas a doozy though, and I think my tail a twitched' too! So watch for falling objects! Ponies, even!"

"... How far in the future do these 'senses' of yours predict again?"

"Anywhere from 5 seconds to 12 years!" She chirped happily.

"... 12 years?"

"Yupperooni, had a big ol' twitch before that tower in Canterlot fell, but they didn't listen! That was a big twitch, too! At least Luna got a new bedroom out of it, that was very convenient timing!"

"Excuse me, what the fuck-"

Author's Note

Alright, fiiine... I'll start working on a sequel... :trollestia:

~~It's a good thing I didn't do what I originally was going to do- which was thanosing Shining from existence. I've left myself an interesting few things to deal with, here!~~

I'm glad I've had experience before, at least insofar as to managing my own hype. I've ran head-first into sequels and follow-ups before, and it didn't turn out amazingly well. Had to rewrite that thing from the start-
If I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it right. Slowly, progressively, in my own time. It helps that I already have a decent idea of our starting drama~
No promises on release dates, but what I will say is... yeah, I love our awkward duo too.

But honestly, it's the comments that got me going. Y'all are gems, especially the ones who read between the lines. :raritywink: