Today is The Superb Owl Party!
Everypony was sitting in the stands of the stadium, ready for the start of Ponyville’s second Superb Owl Party. Some ponies had decorated themselves blue and gold body paint or memorabilia, and novelty foam beaks and claws.
From the elevated press box, Twilight, Princess Celestia, and Princess Luna were ready to start commenting on the biggest sporting event of the year. Princess Celestia appreciated the assortment of appetizers, particularly the plump, palatable pickles presented by her pupil; Twilight thought that nothing could possibly go wrong with the Superb Owl party this year.
Her hopes were dashed when a trio of fillies jumped onto the field. They wore bright pink uniforms with P.O.E.T. written on both sides, and had thick black stripes all over their bodies, then loudly announced, “We’re the Cutie Mark Crusader POETs! And we have something to say about owlets!“
The Superb Owl, dressed in full blue sporting regalia with gold trim, turned to them, ruffled his feathers, narrowed his eyes. He was surrounded by scarecrows wearing helmets and red and white uniforms, all holding a hoofball. “Who?“, he asked, with resentment.
They promptly answered him in rhyming unison, “We’re the Ponies for Owlicious’s Egalitarian Treatment, and we’re expressing ferocious discontentment!“
“Who?“, Owlowiscious asked again. This time, he was not efficacious.
Rainbow Dash turned to Fluttershy. “What did he just say?“, Rainbow Dash asked about Owlowiscious’s brief response to the protesting trio that was about to express their wishes.
“He’s normally much more eloquent, but he just asked ’Who?’ twice in a row. He’s probably asking who the hay ’Owlicious’ is,“ Fluttershy distinguishes.
“This violent event we will occupy; till this owl’s sent more of the pie!“, the trio loudly embellishes.
Pinkie Pie remarked, “We should ask Zecora why there’s so much rhyming, this seems suspicious.“
Twilight looked down at the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and yelled into her microphone, “For Celestia’s sake! Owlicious sounds like a portmanteau of owl and tenacious, or delicious! How can you say you care about Owlowiscious when you didn’t even get his name right! Your arguments are fallacious!“
Princess’s Celestia turned to Twilight and gently smiled and added, “I’d get frustrated if somepony messed up Philomena’s name too, but there’s no need to worry yourself for my sake, my little pony. But, my faithful student, let them eat pie with us.“
Twilight responded, “He’s a carnivore, but even if anypony here made meat pie, Owlowiscious knows not to eat so much that he’d get a tummy ache. By the way, a word from our sponsors. Everypony can buy slices of apple pie at halftime for three bits from Big Macintosh’s.“
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon turned towards them, dressed in cheerleader outfits the same color as Owlowiscious’s uniform, standing next to an elaborate setup with trampolines, flaming hoops, high bars, and a pit of spikes. Diamond Tiara stomped her pom-pom covered hooves, narrowed her eyes, remarked, “You blank flanks are just, like, jealous that we’re cheerleaders and you’re not. You’re greedy and avaricious!“
The Cutie Mark Crusader POETs continued chanting, “We should worry about the frisky cheerleader, she could get hurt if risky tricks flounder! See, blows could shake their foreheads with bashes, these poses would make them airheads through crashes!“
The crowd booed and jeered at the saboteurs. Zecora yelled, “Today’s zebra acts are wrong and abrasive joshes, do pray give us a strong Superb Owl offensive thrashes!“
Princess Luna asked, “Would somepony get those fillies out of here? Their actions are most ungracious!“
“You stupid bird, haven’t you heard?“ Scootaloo lunged at Owlowiscious to try to restrain him, but the owl stretched out his legs, sheathed his talons, then, with the bulging muscles hidden underneath his fluffy feathers, kicked the flightless pegasus from behind the line of scrimmage, and the screaming, tumbling filly sailed over the crossbar and between the uprights of the goal posts, then landed in a conveniently placed bin full of tennis balls, face-first. From the ball pit, Scootaloo bemoaned, “Foolish us!“
Bulk Biceps yelled, “Yeah! Never skip leg day, owl-bro! You kicked their tushes!“
“Huzzah! How many points doth he receive!“, Princess Luna inquired about the kick, as was judicious.
Time Turner, next to an enormous hourglass and a scoreboard, consulted the official Superb Owl rulebook, and flipped through the pages. To his astonishment, Scootaloo and her conspirators met every single one of the minimum requirements for the dimensions, weight, durability, lack of markings, and aerodynamic qualities of regulation hoofballs, and the tresspassers were neither players nor workers, making this technically a field goal. He increased Owlowiscious’s score from zero to three points, and the crowd cheered. Everypony was vivacious.
Scootaloo got out, and spat out tennis balls, and shook her head. Elizabeak jumped out of the stands, and chased the dizzy pegasus while clucking furiously, and Owlowiscious flew back to grab another hoofball from the scarecrows’ stashes.
Rainbow Dash yelled encouragement to Scootaloo. “Don’t let that chicken get to you!“ She turns to Fluttershy, and asked, “Why is that chicken Elizabeak even chasing her?“, suspicious.
“Oh, my.“ Fluttershy hid her face with her hooves. “Um… Rainbow Dash… I can’t say. I just can’t! She won’t hurt Scootaloo, but what she said was ungracious.“
Rainbow Dash had gone all out for this years Superb Owl party. She wore a giant paper mache owl head, as well as oversized novelty foam owl claws on all four hooves. She sighed, then remarked, “I’d follow Scootaloo and help her out, but I don’t want to miss even a second of the super-amazing Superb Owl party that this is.“
Apple Bloom chased Owlowiscious, trying to stop him from grabbing another hoofball. But the Superb Owl managed to grab a hoofball in his claws, then tackled Apple Bloom in her side head-on with his helmet. The crusader slipped and tipped over. The owl then flew and carried the hoofball past the goal line, then landed, and vigorously danced to celebrate the goal while he mocked the Superb Owl’s opponents, victorious.
Time Turner increased the score from three to nine, reported no foul from the fowl’s tackle, and accepted the touchdown; The scorekeeper was veracious.
“Yee-haw!“ Applejack yelled, waving her hat. “Now that’s what I call a rodeo! Mah sister should have worn galoshes.“.
A pair of ponies in striped black and white uniforms carried Apple Bloom off of the field. She was just asleep, as shown by her tail swishes.
Rarity commented, “Those pink uniforms look just dreadful. I want to give whoever made those a piece of my mind, and some lashes!“
Pinkie Pie, with a mouth full of popcorn, turned to Rarity and responded. “Hey! Bright pink is an awesome color! Wait a second, do I have to rhyme something with Owlowiscious?“ She swallowed, licked her lips, then yelled, “This popcorn’s delicious!“
Rarity frowned, and criticized the outfits. “It just isn’t their color; The design and kerning and stitching are just so bad that I could faint. We could send whoever sewed their outfits to the moon! The Princesses know all about ways to banish ponies so malicious!“
Pinkie Pie cheerily agreed, “Okey-Dokey Lokey! Oops… your coat’s lovely and has no blemishes?“
Owlowiscious flew back to the scrimmage line and grabbed another hoofball in his claws, and flew while he stared at the last POET, suspicious.
“Us POETs will not hesitate to rehabilitate; This poor owl I will levitate to incapacitate!“ Sweetie Belle flared her horn, holding the owl in place with telekinesis, then stole the ball from him, and tightly clutched it in her forehoof, to stop Owlowiscious from scoring another goal. She was tenacious.
Owlowiscious hovered in place, and winced whenever he beat his wings, and struggled to move forward, and glared at the filly that was trying to foalnap him in front of Ponyville and two Princesses.
Twilight slammed her right foreleg on the sound board, glared down at the field, and yelled, “Can’t you see you aren’t helping Owlowiscious! The way you’re hurting him is atrocious.“
Owlowiscious then let out a loud hoot, which made Sweetie Belle flinch, and interrupted her telekinesis. He flew up to Sweetie Belle, and swiftly kicked the second Cutie Mark Crusader towards the goal posts before he could be restrained again, victorious.
“Aaaahhhhhhhhhh!“, Sweetie Belle yelled, as the giant marshmallow colored filly sailed through the goal posts, along with the hoofball she carried, then landed in the tennis ball stashes.
The crowd cheered, as Time Turner added three points to the Superb Owl’s score twice in a row, after he scored the second and third field goals of the big game. Some ponies at the ends of the stands raised their hooves, and the owl proudly watched a wave of hoof swishes.
Princess Luna spread out her wings, knocked Twilight out of her seat, then exclaimed into the microphone, “Huzzah! The fun has been tripled!“ Celestia gazed with sympathy at the spot where her faithful student Twilight languishes.
Sweetie Belle got out of the bin, with a pair of tennis balls impaled on her magic organ, then stomped her hooves. She attempted to cast another spell, but the ordinary orbs ornamenting her horn inhibited her magic. Enraged by this ordeal, the POETs ornery organizer gave up on oration, oriented herself, then galloped towards Owlowiscious and lunged at him, determined to capture him, even if she had to use unorthodox methods to avoid the owl’s onrushes.
The Superb Owl dodged Sweetie Belle’s forehooves, gripped her by her back, then flew his opponent over to the goal line, and scored another touchdown by dragging the rhyming, dictionary-like POET through the mud. The cheering crowd celebrated the end to the trespassers that the owl vanquishes.
Pinkie Pie brought a drum set and harmonica out of nowhere, and continued the rhyming, “Those were close brushes, song he wishes!“
The owl looked at the crowd, puffed out his chest, danced on the ground, then began a heartsong accompanied by Pinkie Pie. “Who, Who?“ asked Owlowiscious.
With the guidance of the cheerleaders, the crowd chanted, “Owlowiscious! He’s sagacious! Owlowiscious! He’s tenacious!“
The owl unfurled his right wing, and continued to look at the crowd, then he rapidly pointed his wing at the muddy unicorn next to him. “Who, Who?“, asked Owlowiscious.
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon eagerly helped everypony chant about their classmate and rival Sweetie Belle in rhyming unison. They began their cheerleading routine, “She was vicious! Smelled like fishes!“
His wing waved like a baton, continuing the song, “Who, Who?“, repeated Owlowiscious.
The crowd chanted, “Needed brushes! Blank Flanked tushes!“
“Who, Who?“, chanted Owlowiscious.
Everypony continued, “She’s mendacious! And unconscious!“
The referees picked up the last POET Sweetie Belle to carry her out.
Owlowiscious gestured at himself. “Who, Who?“, he repeated, vivacious.
“Superb Owl is Owlowiscious!“
Owlowiscious continued to rack up points, showed off, and continued to prompt the crowd to continue to sing the heartsong, until the first half of the game finishes.
Author's Note
I'm not patient enough to wait until February 9th, 2025 to post this.
This is a work of random pony fanfiction. Any resemblance to any owls, ponies, zebras, people, teams, organizations, or events is coincidental. Opinions and actions of the characters do not reflect views of the author.
