The sickly sweet smell of meat in a hot buttered skillet filled the trailer as she smiled to herself, standing in front of her stove while a pot of potatoes boiled on another burner. Her partner sat at the kitchen table, an uneasy look on their face. She turned around to face the zebra and asked, “Something wrong?”
Xander cleared their throat and said, “Well, Puzzling, the past few days have been really strange. Three days ago, we were harassed by some uppity mare and you threatened to kill her. Two days ago, she went missing. Yesterday, I noticed a bloodstain on one of your shirts. And today, you’re cooking meat when neither of us stopped at the butcher shop.”
Puzzling Insanity looked back at the piece of “mystery meat” sizzling away in the skillet and said, “Honey, if you’re accusing me of murder, you’d be wrong. If somecreature deserves to die, then it’s not murder; it’s doing the rest of society a favor. Spoiled forfeited her life the moment that word left her thin lips three days ago.”
“That’s not how you deal with racists, Puzzling!” Xander shouted, throwing their hands up in exasperation. “Now Mr. Rich and his daughter are probably going to have the cops scour the entire town, and I’m willing to bet a hundred bits that you have her entire body chopped up and stuffed in our freezer.”
The zebra’s marefriend hummed a tune to herself as she flipped the piece of meat, a particularly loud sizzle filling the kitchen area. She looked over her shoulder at her partner and fluttered her thick eyelashes, an almost seductive smile on her face. “I wouldn’t worry about the cops, hon,” she said.
“What in Faust’s name do you mean by that?”
Puzzling turned fully around to face Xander and grinned, her bared fangs glistening. “There are plenty of creatures who wanted Spoiled Rich dead,” she explained. “Besides, nocreature will suspect me of doing it because I have such a good reputation in this town.”
“I’m dating a monster,” Xander said, burying their face in their hands.
“Would a monster have a moral code?” Puzzling asked. “Even if it is a bit messed up?”
The zebra snorted, “A bit messed up?! You killed a pony for calling me the z-word! If you had to be violent about it, and I’m not saying that violence is the answer, you could have just beat her ass!”
“Look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn’t so much as consider hurting somecreature who attacked me,” the fanged mare retorted. “If anycreature is a monster in this situation, it was that racist, classist, arrogant gold-digging cunt. Good riddance to bad rubbish!”
Xander couldn’t argue with that. They had considered it in the past. “You have a very twisted mind,” they said after a long moment of contemplation.
Puzzling Insanity kissed her partner on the cheek and said, “And somehow you still love me.” With that, she took a meat thermometer out of the drawer closest to the stove and sank the tip into the pony steak. “You want a bite?”
The zebra felt their stomach lurch as they processed the question. They knew that food was Puzzling’s love language. Even if the food was as morbid as this. Hesitantly, they nodded. “One bite couldn’t hurt, I guess.”
“And if you don’t like it, I can make you something else,” Puzzling said, turning off the heat and transferring the meat to a warm plate. “In any case, Meemaw would be proud of me. I used her recipe, after all.”
Xander watched their marefriend cut a small slice for them, trying to keep an open mind as the fanged mare approached them with the strip of pony meat on a fork. When she gestured for them to open up, they did, and she popped the forkful of pan-seared flesh into their mouth.
Puzzling watched nervously as her partner tasted the macabre morsel. As they swallowed, she asked, “So, how is it?”
The zebra took a deep breath and answered, “I really don’t want to admit it, but it’s not bad. Not bad at all. You really put your hoof in it.”
The mare asked, “You’re not just saying that to spare my feelings, are you?”
“Puzzling Insanity, the last thing I will ever do is lie to you,” Xander said, smiling a little. “Whatever your grandmother’s recipe is, it’s good.”
Puzzling blushed and started cutting the rest of the meat into strips just as somecreature knocked on the door. “Watch the potatoes for me, please,” she said, approaching the entry door and opening it. From behind the still-closed storm door, she saw a gray-coated unicorn stallion in a police uniform standing on her porch. “Oh, hello, officer, what can I do for you?”
The officer gave a polite smile and said, “Hello, I’m Officer Long Hoof with the Ponyville Police Department. We’re just going around and asking everycreature if they know anything about the disappearance of a missus Spoiled Rich.”
“I’m sorry, officer, I don’t know anything,” she said, her heart thundering in her chest. “I hope you find her soon.”
“That’s our hope too, ma’am,” Long Hoof said, tipping his hat. “If you see or hear anything, let us know.”
Puzzling nodded. “I will,” she said, waving as the police officer left her porch. As soon as she was certain he was down the road, she turned and closed the entry door. Xander was standing in front of the stove, testing the doneness of the potatoes with a clean fork. “You have your Lactaid pills, right?”
“Sure do,” the zebra said as they turned off the heat, “and the potatoes are done.”
“Can you please grab the butter and milk for me?” the fanged mare asked, pulling a handheld electric mixer out of the cupboard and plugging it in.
Xander nodded, retrieving what was left of a stick of butter and a container of milk from the refrigerator just as their marefriend drained the potatoes in the sink before putting them into a large bowl.
Puzzling returned to the kitchen counter and seasoned the potatoes with a liberal amount of salt and pepper before tossing in the butter and putting the mixer on low. As she worked the appliance with one hand, she reached over and grabbed a strip of meat with the other, tasting it. “You were right, babe,” she said, loudly enough to be heard over the whir of the mixer. Pouring in a splash of milk, she smiled and continued to work until the potatoes were just the right consistency.
Xander watched her turn off the mixer and scoop some potatoes off one of the beaters with her finger before approaching them.
“Taste these for me, hon,” Puzzling said, sticking her finger in the zebra’s mouth.
After a long moment, Xander gave the mare a smile. “Personally, I’d add a little seasoned salt,” they said, “but that’s just me.”
“If I added it to the potatoes, I’d be using too much,” the fanged mare replied. “I already used a lot of it to season the meat.”
“That’s fair,” the zebra said. “Want me to grab the plates?”
Puzzling grabbed a serving spoon and a meat fork from another drawer and smiled. “If you wouldn’t mind, I’d appreciate it.”
Xander pulled two blue square plastic plates from the cupboard and set one of them on the table.
“Help yourself,” the fanged mare said, handing her partner the serving spoon.
The zebra obliged, spooning some potatoes onto their plate before helping themself to another three strips of meat. They set the plate down on the table and retrieved a soda from the fridge. “Babe, you want me to grab you a drink?”
“Sure,” Puzzling said, grabbing her plate and loading it with a hefty portion of meat and mashed potatoes. “Can you please get me a bottle of water?”
“Can do,” Xander said, grabbing a bottle of water before closing the refrigerator door.
The fanged mare set her plate down and took the water bottle from her partner before she sat down and dug in.
The zebra followed suit and sat down at the table, producing a small white pill from their pocket and chewing it. After a long moment, they swallowed and looked their marefriend in the eye. “Just so we’re clear,” they said, “this can never happen again.”
“What, me cooking for you or the whole killing ponies and cooking their flesh thing?” Puzzling asked, cocking an eyebrow.
“The second one,” Xander said. “I love you too much to let you go to prison.”
Puzzling Insanity blushed furiously and opened her water bottle, taking a generous sip.
They chatted and ate for what seemed like hours, enjoying each other’s company almost more than dinner. After they'd both had their fill, the fanged mare picked up the dishes and silverware and prepared to wash them.
“Dinner was great, baby girl,” Xander said, giving their marefriend a hug from behind. “I’m gonna go find a movie for us to watch, okay?”
“Alright,” Puzzling said, turning on the water. As her partner left the kitchen, she felt the stream of water with her wrist. Satisfied with the temperature, she squirted some pink dish soap into the sink and allowed her mind to wander.
As she washed the dishes and the silverware, she recalled the events of the past few days. The rage began to build once again as the socialite’s words replayed in her head like an earworm.
Xander came back into the kitchen and noticed the hellfire burning in their marefriend’s glowing yellow eyes. “Everything okay, baby?”
Puzzling Insanity jumped at the sound of the zebra’s voice, sending dishwater everywhere as she returned to the present moment. She slowly turned to face them, her eyes continuing to glow as her anger festered within her. “Why did she have to target us, Xander? Why did she make me have to do what I did?”
“I don’t know,” the zebra answered truthfully. “I just don’t know.”
Turning back around, the fanged mare pulled the plug, watching the murky water slowly make its gurgling descent. “You were right about what you said earlier,” she said, continuing to stare into the sink. “I am a monster. Yes, Spoiled Rich had it coming, one way or another, but y’know, after the rage subsided, I expected to feel the usual wave of remorse and self-loathing, but…”
“You didn’t,” Xander said, finishing her sentence.
“No, I didn’t,” Puzzling said. “The only thing I really regret is biting her when she was dead drunk.” Her stomach lurched and she dry heaved. “Fuck, her blood tasted nasty, like cheap tequila that’s gone bad!”
The zebra grimaced at the description. “What a pretty picture.”
Puzzling Insanity looked over at her partner. “I did it all for you, you know.”
“You have a weird way of showing me how much you love me.”
The fanged mare laughed and said, “I know.”
Xander smiled and said, “I hope you don’t expect me to do something like that for you.”
“I don’t,” Puzzling said, kissing her partner on the nose. “Now, let’s go watch that movie.”
