Viva La Bamquestriaby CortezDudeChaptersShort 1: Luna wakes CelestiaShort 2: Pranking NoteworthyBam's PlansMeeting with the Equestrian CrewDon't Feed TiaViva Las PegasusShort 3: Novo's Claw NailShort 1: Luna wakes CelestiaCanterlot Castle Another morning starts to approach as Luna heads towards her sister's room whilst turning to you readers with an announcement to make for your sorry asshole eyes to read. "I'm Princess Luna and I'm about to give my fat-ass big sis, one rude wake up today!" She went inside the room and lit her horn silently which she summoned a firecracker and placed it quietly on Celestia's crotch-tits, then lit it afterwards. When it was done, she quickly left the room and waited until....BANG! BANG! BANG! A massive explosion lit towards the room and Luna went in to check on Celestia who was moaning and groaning in pain whilst holding her own crotch-milkers as she decided to greet her older sister a good morning. "Wakey, Wakey, Tia. How's your alarm clock?", Luna asked. "You're such a fucking asshole!", Celestia angrily shot back. And then, Celestia was giving chase and Luna knew it was time to bail out as her older sister tried to catch her up, but suddenly gave up when she felt very hungry due to her stomach grumbling loud and decided to call it quits for now and headed towards the dining hall to get some breakfast this morning which started off with a wake-up prank from her younger sister. "Bam, you're such a horrible influence to my lil' sis.", Celestia grumbled. Luna who was watching nearby, chuckled on what she did to her and then left the castle to fly towards Ponyville so that she can hang out with Bam for breakfast at Castle Bam II with his friends and family. "Bam and his friends are not gonna believe when I tell them on what I did to Tia this morning!", she told to herself whilst chuckling in amusement as she headed towards her destination. Author's Note P.S. Luna did tell her and the whole crew (minus Phil and April) just roared with laughter. P.P.S. This is just a short chapter and there will be more short chapters like this, so stay tuned, assholes! Short 2: Pranking NoteworthyCastle Bam II Ponyville Another day at the duplicate Castle Bam II in Ponyville and here we see Bam Margera holding a bottle of glue along with his friends (minus a certain blue stallion) as he decided to tell you readers something. "So, here I have a bottle of super mighty glue and Noteworthy is gonna have some teatime with Ape and we're gonna prank his ass like literarily", Bam said whilst the crew laughed. "He's gonna be in serious pain after this!", Bon Bon commented. So they placed a portion of glue in one of the chairs and then left the vicinity. It was already 2:00 PM in the afternoon when Noteworthy arrived and sure enough, he sat in the glue-filled chair whilst the group hid away from his sight as they watched him and April talk while having tea and biscuits. When it was over, Noteworthy tried to get up but got stuck as Ape and Phil tried to help him out but couldn't. He managed to pry himself only to be greeted by massive pain because when he freed himself from the chair, his flank hairs got ripped away and that gave him a bald spot on his cute ass. The CKY Crew arrived and revealed something to their friend. "How's the tea party, Notey?", Pinkie asked. "Did you guys sabotage this?", Noteworthy asked his friends. "Yes!", Rainbow grinned. "You guys are jerks.", Noteworthy told them which caused them to laugh. He started limping home showing his now bare butt to the group and due to the sight they saw, they couldn't help but laugh except for the Margera couple who cringed at the sight of their son's friend's butt now seen naked in front of their very own eyes caused by the prank their son and their friends played on him. Author's Note Surprise! You little jerks didn't expect another short, eh? Bam's PlansAuthor's Note I don't own any of these franchises: Viva La Bam belongs to MTV. My Little Pony belongs to Hasbro. Bam's Plans Castle Bam West Chester, Pennsylvania, USA Just another Saturday evening in West Chester and everything was so peaceful....NOT! In a place called Castle Bam where professional skateboarder and Jackass star, Bam Margera along with his parents, April and Phil live as well as his Jackass co-star, Ryan Dunn and their friends, Raab Himself, Brandon DiCamillo, Rake Yohn, Brandon Novak,& Tim Glomb live, everything was anything but peaceful, for in fact this place has been full of massive hi-jinks during their short show called Viva La Bam and sometimes joining them was Don Vito aka Bam's fat-ass uncle, his older brother, Jess, Tim O'Connor, the Dudesons, and others as well. But ever since the show ended, one question remains for them: What the fuck are they going to do right now? But before this question can be answered, let's head inside, shall we? Inside Castle Bam, our main guy himself, Bam Margera and his crew decided to play a prank on their friend, Novak who somehow passed out on the couch and snoring peacefully in his sleep and what's Bam up to? Well, let's hear what he has to say, if we must. Bam whispered quietly, "So Novak the ass wipe here had just passed out on the couch and he's just fuckin' snoring peacefully so were about to play one epic prank on him", he turned his attention to Ryan, "So Dunn why don't you tell them what we're about to do." Ryan quietly said the plan to the readers, "Basically, we have a ton of mousetraps on where Novak is lying on the couch", we then see so many mousetraps lined on the floor next to the couch, "and what we're gonna do is that we have this airhorn I have in my hand and we will blast it loudly on his ear and he's gonna be waking up in pain!" They chuckled silently as they put their plan in motion; Bam crept quietly next to Ryan in which he took out the airhorn and when the time was right, he blasted it so loud that Novak woke up and jumped out of the couch only to be greeted by the mousetraps that lied in wait for him as they started hitting him in an jolt and in any part of his body. One mousetrap managed to hit him in the crotch in which he groaned in pain whilst Bam and the rest of his crew laughed at their hilarious antic on their friend. Novak grumbled, "You guys are fucking assholes." "Rise and shine, bud", Bam snickered. "What's all that noise?", came an all too familiar voice of a woman and this one in question was Bam's mother, April or Ape as they call her for short. She and her husband, an almost obese man named Phil who had a brother named Vincent or Don Vito as his son would call his uncle; were going downstairs, dressed in fancy outfits with April wearing a dress and Phil donning a suit and had some bags with them too. "We just played a prank on No-", he said to them until he caught wind on why they were dressed like that as he asked them a question, "Where are you guys going?" April beckoned her son, "Come on, give us a kiss and goodbye." "Where are you guys going?", Bam asked again. "Equestria", Phil answered, "We're going to the Grand Galloping Gala". "Equestria?!", Bam shockingly asked. Now I know what you're wondering, dear reader. How the hell do they know about Equestria? Well, before Viva La Bam started, Bam met Princess Luna along with her fellow Xtreme BMXers and skaters, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Lyra Heartstrings,& Sweetie Drops aka Bon Bon during a demo at the local mall. Luna had also brought her older sister, Princess Celestia to it too so that she can be cheered on. Also with them during the demo was Don Vito and just like April; Celestia had so much distaste for him too but Luna on the other, she and Bam loved to mess him up as well. Before these Equestrians left, Luna decided to give them a spell book that can open a portal to Equestria so that they can visit them too as well as use some spells for emergencies or for fun; but the twist is, they get to keep their human forms when they arrive in that said land. She also gave him an invisibility cloak like you see in the Harry Potter movies and when it was done, they left. Apparently, the Margera couple were invited to the Gala which was sent via magic, and they accepted the tickets that were provided for them. But we're losing track of the story, let's move back on, shall we? "Yeah, so give us a kiss and a goodbye.", April said to Bam as he decided to give them what they want and left, having satisfied on what their youngest son gave them. Bam pondered on what they said, "Equestria.....", he thought until an idea sparked on his head!, "Wait! I got it!", he exclaimed in delight. "What's your idea?", Dico asked him. "Let's go to Equestria, duh!", Bam replied. "You just thought about that, right now?", Glomb confusingly asked. "Yeah.", Bam replied whilst grinning, "Besides, why stay here for the whole time when we can just go there instead". "Oh my God.....", Ryan replied on whom the latter was stunned on what his co-star proposed" "Canterlot, baby!", Raab said excitedly "Well then, it's settled.", Bam announced and came up with a plan to screw his uncle, "I've got an idea!", he turned to Raab, "Yo, Raab! Quietly sneak into Vito's house and get his clothes, then leave a note saying that we're at Paris again so that he'll be stupid enough to believe that shit. Got it?" "Got it!", Raab answered with a huge grin. "I'll join too", Novak told them. "So it's settled, ya little fucktards!", Bam declared and decided to announce one order to them, "Pack all of your fucking shit, then lock the doors and the windows as well, and let's go!" The crew cheered in delight on this and started to pack valuable things for their journey to Equestria, so without further ado, Equestria beware! Because Bam and his crew will be there! Meeting with the Equestrian CrewAuthor's Note P.S. The Mane 6 will be using their 1st Gala Dresses from the 1st season. P.P.S. Made some changes, please don't be harsh on it. Meeting with the Equestrian Crew Canterlot, Equestria Ah, the peaceful night of Canterlot which is the capital city of Equestria and the lights illuminating from the city were just as beautiful as the rulers of Equestria themselves, Celestia and Luna. Bam and his crew arrived here after opening a portal using the spell book he had as he drove through their entrance with his new Hummer after his old one was destroyed by Vito in retaliation for destroying his window. He used the spell book again to make his car invisible so that he won't raise suspicion to any pony that might be in the vicinity and after parking the invisible car in the gardens, the CKY crew headed to the farthest front of the castle and they stood there when Bam decided to tell to you readers something. "So we're here in West Chester and we don't know where Ape and Phil are going to be but all I know for sure is that they'll be visiting that thing.", Bam said whilst pointing at Canterlot Castle, "So Glomb, you're on watchguard duty.", he said to him as he handed his friend a pair of binoculars in order to find them. "How are we going to find them, anyway?", questioned Dico as he pointed out something, "There's like a whole load of ponies here and there". "Are you kidding?", Ryan asked Dico, "We're looking for Phil and Ape so they're not hard to spot." Bam responded with a chuckle, "Besides, Phil's like the size of Celestia in terms of fatness.", his friends giggled on what he described Phil perfectly. 2 Hours Later The search for Bam's parents continued as Glomb was spying on where they were until something caught his attention with own eyes and if you say it's Phil and April, reader; then the answer is a big NO. What dear ol' Glomb saw were six ponies: Two unicorns, two Pegasi, and two Earth Ponies both mares and stallions chatting with each other as he told his friends what he saw, "Oh my God! Look at those sweet ponies with those sweet ass cheeks!", Glomb described to the group which caused them to laugh a bit loud. "No, no, no", Bam shook his head, "Look over there, Tim", he pointed to the where he should be looking which is the castle. "Oh", Glomb said in a bit of a disappointing voice until he saw something again that amused him, "Dude, that stallion's got a fancy suit and monocle along with that hot mare next to him", he told them about that because he spotted one of Canterlot's most famous elites; the unicorn stallion, Fancy Pants and his marefriend, a unicorn mare named Fleur de Lis. They chuckled on what he said so Glomb continued to find the couple until he finally found where they were which he alerted the others, "Oh my God!", he exclaimed in which he saw Phil and April talking to an Earth Pony mare, a Pegasus mare, and a Unicorn mare whom their names are Applejack who is famous for being the bearer of the Element of Honesty, Fluttershy who is also famous for being the bearer of the Element of Kindness, and last but not the least, Rarity who too is also famous for being the bearer of the Element of Generosity, thank you very much, "Yo! I see them!", he told them as he handed the binoculars to Bam. "Holy shit!", Bam exclaimed in delight as he pointed to where he was pointing at, "There they are!" "No kidding, it is them", Ryan was stunned, "It's like finding a bowling ball and a bowling pin in a haystack". "Yo, let's just go there and meet them", Bam told them. So off they went where his parents were but not before throwing the invisibility cloak to hide themselves so that they won't be spotted by any pony. They entered the castle using the other side where the gardens were as the group made their way to where April and Phil were until Bam gave instructions to his friends at once, "Don't look American. Try to blend in whilst following them so that we won't raise suspicion.", The CKY Crew continued their way towards the busy chatting crowd where the Margera couple were in which the husband and wife were busy, looking at the food in the catering area. "He's going to the catering area and he's just looking at the food choices.", Raab told them in which they chuckled in response. "How the hell are we going to get their attention in the first place?", asked Rake. "Raab, try to tip the table next to them so that they will notice.", Bam told his friend as they made their way to it in which Raab did and tipped the empty table used for chatting next to them in which it fell and the couple noticed but then, ignored it later., "Clueless, they're totally clueless.", he told them. They continued following them as he pointed where they were and to be exact, they were asking a unicorn named Amethyst Star who wore a yellow saddle and a yellow flower on her mane to take a picture of them., "Look how close we are to them right now.", he knew that they weren't getting their attention as he exasperated, "Fuck.", he then decided that he had enough, "I can't take this shit anymore. Let's initiate our plan just like we did back in Paris. Come on!", Bam beckoned his friends as they made their way to where the Hummer was parked. Sure enough, they made their way to the car as Bam took out a bicycle and instructed Raab to ride and purposely crash anywhere so that they can attract April and Phil's attention. He then used the spell book again and made Raab temporarily invisible which deactivates the invisibility if he crashes. Raab made his way towards the couple and he purposely crashed next to another table in which he fell from his bike rendering the temporary invisible spell off and that caused commotion to everypony who was in the vicinity and that also caused the Margera couple to head towards the location of the crash only for April and Phil to see the face on who it was. "Raab?!", April exclaimed upon finding out who caused this commotion. During that time, Bam and the rest of his crew decided to show themselves to them in which she asked them a question, "What are you guys doing here?" "What's going on here?", asked a voice which apparently turned out to be none other than Princess Celestia herself. Apparently, she heard the commotion too and her former faithful student named Twilight Sparkle who is none other than the bearer of the Element of Magic herself and the fourth princess of Equestria as well as the Princess of Friendship decided to take over for her greeting the ponies that wanted to meet them. When she saw Bam and his crew, she was just as shocked as April and Phil, "Bam?! What in the whole wide world of Equestria are you and your friends doing here?". "We're here to ruin your parade!", Bam announced. "Aw, come on, Bam.", April exasperated. "Tell me you didn't bring your uncle, Bam.", Celestia worryingly asked him. Bam assured her, "He's not here in Equestria.", the Sun princess and April sighed in relief on what he told them. Meanwhile..... Apparently, it was a different time in Paris since back in West Chester, it was already morning when Vito woke up and saw the note thinking they were there, so he stupidly boarded that flight and he realized that all of his suitcases were gone thanks to Bam using the spellbook to teleport them in Equestria. Right now, he was at a phone trying to contact home and he heard Bam's telephone ringing and it told him to leave a message, so let's hear him what he has to say. "Bam, I picked up your voicemail", he replied and then started to go into his raging gibberish rants again, "Bam, I am a Paris gandamit and I gotabeer but noluggage. Yabbba grab your neck, you're a jerkoff!", he angrily put the phone back and went back to his seat, "Gah rah gah gah boo buddy else in here, I'mma headaback ta WestChester dis is bullzhit! Woolshit, Bam! Get me outta this fucking place!" It took many hours of waiting but he finally took a plane which got him out of Paris and then, he headed back to West Chester and when it was done, he headed straight to his own house with no idea on where the group were. Bam then took out a piece of paper and decided to show the readers which are you, thank you very much about a meeting point and told all of you what it was, "This is a meeting point for one Princess Luna and her extreme cohorts. But first, let's contact Vito!". "Oh no, Bam! No! Just, please....don't contact him, I beg of you!", Celestia groaned and begged Bam not to do it but her words fell on deaf ears as he used the spellbook to contact Vito and sure enough, a magical image of Vito appeared as he then, looked at his nephew with irritation on his eyes. "Bam's, that you?", Vito asked. "Sup, fat ass. How's your trip to Paris?", Bam asked whilst smugly smiling at Vito. Bam, yar a fahkin' asshole! And gimmeh mah clothez back right now, gawdammit! I'm gettin' tired of yer bullshit. Jezuz.", Vito angrily told him until he asked his 2nd nephew a question., "Besides, how are they gonna find you, Bam? You're in a goddamn castle." "Alright! You make a valid point.", Bam told him as he grabbed the suitcase which caused his uncle to get angry. "What are y- Bam!", Vito angrily tried to reach out and grab him but because he wasn't in Equestria, he couldn't touch them. He could only helplessly watch as he and his friends started to open his suitcase and lay out all of his clothes into a circle which they did that and that caused some of the guests to get initially annoyed on what they were doing as well as their unmannerly behavior while Vito continued his angry rant towards his youngest nephew, "That's not gonna work, Bam! This ain't Brazil, god damnit." Bam turned to his uncle, "You never know when they might come, so we gotta be prepared for it". They waited and waited until a plane flown by Bam's friend, Joe was contacted by Princess Luna herself to fly to the meeting point where she along with the Element bearers of Loyalty and Laughter themselves, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash as well as S.M.I.L.E. Agents, Lyra Heartstrings and Sweetie 'Bon Bon' Drops were going to dive in and greet their friends in an awesome way. "Where are they, Bam? How are they gonna find all of you there?", Vito asked them as Bam and his family and friends looked at the sky. And sure enough, the daredevil Equestrian CKY Crew jumped out of the plane but not after Luna opened a portal that will take Joe and his plane back to Earth, they continued their freefall and when the time was right, they opened their parachutes and starting heading towards the opening of the castle which Celestia opened to let the cool air in for the guests as the four daredevils descended towards the motley crew. "What the hell?!", Raab exclaimed and laughed whilst he ran away to get cover due to Luna nearing close to hitting him during her descent and when it was done, the four mares removed their goggles and parachutes as they decided to greet their human friends in an instant. "Heyo, Brandon Cole Margera!", Luna called out to her friend in which Bam gave her a hug, "I missed you, ya rascal!" "Missed ya too, Lu's!", Bam replied back. "Good to see you again, Bammy!", Pinkie appeared out of Bam's shirt which surprised him. "Nice to see you again, dude.", Rainbow fist-bumped or in this case, hoof-bumped Bam. "Sup, Margera", Lyra shook her friend's hand. "What's up!", Bon Bon shot back at Bam Suddenly, Luna spotted Vito's magical projection, "Hey, ya cross-eyed fat fuck! How are things doing, Tubby?" "Well, look who dropped into the sky, it's Princess Luna and her subjects.", Don Vito mockingly said, "And no thanks to your fucking friend, Bam aka mah fahkin' nephew stol mah stuff! A'mma grab ya necks, ya double troublemakin' assholes!", he angrily gibbered which caused the group to laugh in delight. "Yo, Vito; you want your stuff back?", Bam asked his uncle. "Yeah, gimme mah stuff back, Bam; teleport it back to mah house, I don't care.", Vito grumbled in annoyance. Luna quipped, "Alrighty, Vits.", she turned towards Glomb, "Yo, Glomb! Bring out a surprise to this Gala for Vito." Sure enough, Glomb decided to borrow Bam's spellbook and casted a summoning spell that brought his woodchipper to Equestria in which he turned it on and Bam along with his friends decided to throw all of his uncle's clothing and valuable items and because of that, every pony at the Gala were horrified on what the gang was doing while Vito decided to tell his nephew something, "Oh do what you and Luna want, Bam but you're gonna be paying for that.", The CKY Crew laughed on what he said whilst continuing to destroy Vito's stuff with Glomb's woodchipper. Vito attempted to give them both a double chokehold but couldn't due to him not being in Equestria in the flesh. When the Gala was over, the Margeras along with the CKY Crew as well as Lyra and Bon Bon took the Friendship Express back to Ponyville. Coincidentally, Luna and Celestia wanted to join in so that they can have fun with Bam and his crew but Pinkie and Rainbow decided to join with their friends in going back home by using the Apple Carriage they had. "Looks like Dunn's having a blast", Bam said due to Ryan passing out whilst going to where their duplicate house was. Just then, Lyra decided to play a prank on Ryan, "Ryan, smell my Equestrian ass!", she told the readers as she lifted her dress and placed her lyre-marked ass on the man's face which caused him to wake up in disgust and that caused everyone to laugh at the prank that the unicorn played on him. "Your ass stinks, Heartstrings!", Ryan commented back at her. After the long trip, they went down the station and headed to their destination and it turns out the duplicate Castle Bam that Bam summoned was almost close to the Forbidden Forest and almost close to town. The lesbian couple decided to part ways and head straight to their home whilst the Margeras, the CKY Crew, and the Royal Sisters headed to the duplicate house and entered it at once and both alicorns were amused at sight that was behold on their own eyes. "Nice! This is so like you, Bam.", Luna commented. "Thanks! Ape once decorated it just like our old shitty home and I decided to do a little remodeling myself.", Bam recounted the first time they moved into the new home back at West Chester. "More like you destroyed our old home's furniture!", April upsettingly told him which caused the CKY Crew to laugh in response. Eventually, both sisters decided to head back to the castle for a good night's rest. Bam on the other hand turned to the readers in order to tell all of you something important, "So, we're gonna wrap this chapter up, because tomorrow, we're about to have fun and you little shits are about to meet our other Equestrian crew members. Night!". Everyone went to their respective rooms for a good night's sleep and rest for tomorrow, the fun in Equestria has just begun....or should I say: Bamquestria. Don't Feed TiaAuthor's Note I'm not gonna put a ton of dialogue they used in the Don't Feed Phil episode, okay! So don't try bothering me with it. Other than that, please enjoy. Don't Feed Tia Afternoon The Next Day Ahh....a brand new morning in Equestria, specifically in Ponyville and in Castle Bam II, everyone was aroused by the morning light that Celestia rose in the sky. Bam along with his family and the CKY Crew were heading towards the small town as he turned to the readers on something he has to say to your sorry asses in an instant. "So, it's morning in Equestria or should I say so myself, Bamquestria", this caused a commotion of laughing from his friends whilst he continued on talking, "and we're going to meet up with our remaining CKY Equestrian Crew, later!" They reached towards town after a long walk, and there they met up with the others and found the remaining members of the CKY Equestrian Crew in the form of three stallions of the three pony races: A unicorn named Star Bright, A Pegasus named Silver Script, and an Earth Pony named Noteworthy saw the gang and instantly greeted them. The group decided to hang out with them until it was all interrupted when Luna arrived with her entourage and that caused the ponies to bow down to her and afterwards, she told them to rise and then greeted the CKY Crew in which she decided to tell them something of utmost importance but not before teleporting Bam's Hummer in Castle Bam II which she reminded him that he forgot to bring his car to the duplicate house yesterday. "Yo, Margera!", Luna called out to him, "I need your help with something." "What's the problem, Luna?", Bam asked her. "It's my fat-ass big sis", she told them which caused the group to laugh on what she said as she continued whilst smiling, "because lately, she's getting too fat and I don't know what her weight is right now, so you wanna come?", she finished it with a question if they want to come with her or not. "Sure!", he replied, "Why not? Let's see if she's even fatter than Phil and Don Vito.", the group laughed on what Bam compared Celestia to his dad and uncle. Luna then teleported themselves to Canterlot and to be more specific, Canterlot Castle where Tia was, in which she along with her younger sister and Bam decided to do a little rough-horsing via wrestling and lucky enough for them, there wasn't a lot of royal work for the sisters to do. Knowing how tired Celestia can be just like Phil, Luna decided to ask her a question about her weight in which Celestia didn't know how fat she is as of now. "Big sister, how much do you weigh like right now?", she asked whilst smiling. "I don't know, maybe a bit like Phil or Vito, I'm a bit clueless.", Celestia replied back. Bam headed upstairs to Celestia's room and found a weighing scale and headed downstairs., "Let's see how fat Tia is!", he said whilst going down the stairs and sure enough, the group decided to weigh the sun monarch but it failed when the scale decided to say E for error due to it unable to calculate her weight. "Why the fuck does it say 'E'?", Rake asked, "It says error like crazy!". "Jeez, this was almost like Phil back in our show.", Novak reminded them in which they nodded in agreement. "Sweet Fausticorn, Sis!", Luna exclaimed in surprise while showing the weighing scale to everyone, "This is supposed to weigh humans and ponies yet when you and Phil are in it, it automatically says error!", Everyone laughed in agreement as she turned to her older sister and asked her a question, "You think you can handle one whole day with no food just like what Bam did to Phil?" Celestia replied back, "Sure, what's the prize then?", she then asked a question afterwards. "We'll give you anything you want to eat, Princess.", Noteworthy replied. "So are you in or are you out, Fatlestia?", Bam challenged Celestia. "You're so on, Bam!", she told him while she gave a hand/hoof shake to him. "Then it's settled.", Luna replied as Celestia left to deal with court duties and when she left, Luna turned towards her friends and told them something, "Let's follow her and see what she eats. How's that sound?" "Noice.", Rake agreed and so did the others. And so they followed Celestia before the sun comes down for Luna to begin her night court duties; they followed her older sister to wherever she went and to their surprise, Celestia's first meal for breakfast was a stack of waffles she created herself, for lunch, it was a triple-decker dandelion sandwich with hot sauce, for snack, she had a whole bag of potato chips BBQ flavor, and finally for dinner plus dessert, a large carrot steak and a slice of chocolate cake. The CKY Crew couldn't believe their own eyes on how much food Celestia will eat, and it was automatically decided that tomorrow: Don't Feed Tia begins whether Celestia likes it or not. 12:00 AM The Next Day The CKY Crew were listening to Celestia outside her room and they were surprised that she was a mega massive snorer like Phil only much louder. Without thinking twice, the group entered the room and crept quietly next to her bed and afterwards, Luna opened the light while Bam was holding a sword in his right hand and there was a loaf of bread impaled on the tip of the blade which he proceeded to rub it on her face and that caused her to wake up. "Good morning, Thinlestia.", Bam told her and that caused Celestia to grumble. "You know what day it is, Sis.", Luna reminded her, "It's Don't Feed Tia Day! We're gonna give you that challenge like Bam did this to his dad. You said you can do it like Phil so today, we're putting you on the test, you in or you out?" "Sure, Lulu. Bring it", Celestia mumbled tiredly, "Now shut the lights off, I'm trying to catch some shut eye" "Night!" "Good night." They headed towards her office to find all of her food stacks in which they found many hidden snacks Celestia had and when they have taken all of her food, they headed towards the pantry and also found more stacks of food, so when all of the food had been kept away from Celestia's hooves. After Celestia raised the sun, she headed downstairs in order to find something to eat but no food was spotted so she tried the fridge only to be a bit spooked when an alarm was installed in it, but after a while, she managed to open the fridge only to find it was empty and the only thing inside was a TV and a video of Dico disguised as Julia Childish again started taunting and mocking her with tons of food and him eating it. Later, when she was doing a bit of morning court, she turned the radio which announced something important and she can hear her younger sister, Luna and Bam announcing that it's Don't Feed Tia Day and that caused Celestia to tell her cooks and maids not to feed her while the announcement continued that 24 hours on this day, no food shall be given to her until she completes her challenge. The whole day was torturous for the Sun Princess and everywhere she went , there were posters of her faces with the words, "DON'T FEED TIA", in every restaurant and cafe from Equestria and beyond. Even worse, there was also Joe who flew his plane due to Luna teleporting it to their land with a banner saying the exact same words she saw, as well as guard watchers in the form of her sister and their friends who took turns in keeping an eye on Celestia (with Dico being the worst, bringing food in which the man taunted her whilst mockingly eating the food that was in front of her, and that caused Celestia's stomach to be even more hungrier than ever). The next one who was in guard duty on Celestia was none other than her hippogriff friend, Novo and she too was like Vito only different, and both Bam and Luna loved to mercilessly torment her for fun. The Queen of the Hippogriffs thought it was a smart idea to order a vegan pizza in Earth since it's the only place that Bam and Luna didn't ban food for the Sun Princess, only to realize her mistake later. When word caught of this. the CKY Crew who were at that time in a Cradle of Filth concert back on Earth decided to head back to Equestria and to be exact, in Canterlot Castle and joining them along was the band and when they returned, Bam and Luna gave Novo a punishment, which is to have make up put on her by Hank. "IF MY SISTER GETS TO THIS DAY WITHOUT EATING FOOD, THEN WE WILL FEED HER WITH ANYTHING SHE WANTS, TONIGHT!!", Luna used her Royal Canterlot Voice to make that announcement which caused everyone to cheer in excitement. The party at the castle continued loudly until it was nearing midnight and everyone and every pony counted down to 3 and finally, the clock struck at 12:00 AM which meant Celestia won the bet and those who were in the castle, fed their ruler with any food she desired until it was time to wrap up and head back home to get some good night's rest. Viva Las PegasusSugarcube Corner Pinkie's Room Another sunny day in Equestria and to be more specific, the town of Ponyville and in the local bakery known as the Sugarcube Corner lived the Cakes which consisted of Carrot and Cup Cake along with their twin foals: A unicorn filly named Pumpkin and a Pegasus colt named Pound. Pinkie works in the bakery too and today, the Cakes went out on a vacation in Baltimare for 3 weeks and she was in charge until they returned from their trip. In her own bedroom was her along with the CKY Crew and her Equestrian CKY Crew too as they were checking in the computer on a website they caught their attention in an instant "Can you believe this, guys?", Pinkie told the gang about it for in fact what they saw was a website where unlike the mail order brides from Russia, this website however can mail order mares and stallions from Manehattan, "There's a like a ton of stallions and mares from every pony race and some these ponies are cute as well as handsome and pretty." "What are you guys looking at?", asked Noteworthy as he entered the room Luna grinned widely and replied an answer to him, "We're looking at your future wife.", that caused everyone to chuckle on what she told him "Wait, what?!", Noteworthy said in disbelief as he recounted on what she said, "You're ordering me a wife?" Bam turned towards him, "Yeah, and there are like a ton of cute mares and stallions to choose from." "So which mare are you going to pick me for a wife?" "Let's flip a coin, then" Bam took out a coin and decided to tell what to expect, "Okay if it says 'Heads' then Noteworthy's gonna get a wife but if it's 'Tails' then it's not gonna happen", he then flipped the coin which landed on the floor and sure enough, it was 'Heads' and that caused everyone to cheer and laugh for the fact that Noteworthy is gonna get a bride in Manehattan, "It's not a bad idea, after all", he told the Earth Pony stallion about it as Ryan clicked on a random mare for their friend to marry Some time later 11:00 PM In Canterlot Castle, Bam and Luna barged into Celesita's room and that caused her to wake in which the duo announced that Noteworthy was gonna marry a random mare in Manehattan and that the location they picked for the marriage to happen was in Las Pegasus. Though a bit groggy and grumpy due to her sister and her friend waking her up in her sleep, Celestia agreed to join with them in Las Pegasus since the next day was a weekend and they didn't have any serious business to attend to. Bam and Luna exited the room as the two part ways. Las Pegasus The CKY Crew along with the Margeras and Novo have arrived at their destination and Bam along with Luna decided that the first thing they need to do was to get Noteworthy looking all stylish, so they head towards the tailor shop and got him a suit along with a fedora and Bam betted that it will be all ruined for 2 days. Afterwards, they decide to check in their rooms and unfortunately, Novo got a small room in which she complained like a bitch and when the day was done, it was time to prepare for tomorrow where the fun truly begins It was the next day that the mystery mare had arrived, it was an Earth Pony mare named Grace Manewitz and they were just stunned on her beauty, so whilst Noteworthy took Grace for a bit of walk throughout Las Pegasus; Bam decided to turn to you readers and tell you dipshits about something "So whilst Notey takes Grace for some sightseeing, we're going to make Novo do 3 things that she's gonna regret and we're just gonna watch her freakout on it" Dico then appeared, "And it starts right now", he said whilst giggling uncontrollably with the CKY Crew smiling in anticipation on what's to come The first thing that they let Novo do was to get herself a tattoo in which she regretted putting it on her cooch and that caused her to rant angrily. The second thing they let Novo do next was to challenge a Wonderbolt named Fleetfoot who apparently was taking a vacation into a flying race and the winner was none other than Fleetfoot herself and the hippogriff queen was so not happy on it. But the third and final thing they made Novo do was something that she would regret in her own whole royal life Luna looked at the readers and told them something, "We're in a casino playing poker and me along with the gang just told the croupier that every time Novo says "Hit", a random card will be taken away which causes her to lose more bits and we are going to see her freak out starting now!", she ended her speech and headed inside the casino Once inside the casino, the fun began in an instant; they were in the poker table and the cards were all in. Novo had just said the word, "Hit", and that caused her to lose some bits whilst the crew looked at her with a bit of amusement on what was going on with her as the queen was trying not to loose her cool. Again and again, it happened once more until finally, Novo lost everything and the CKY crew laughed at the sight of her raging and that caused the staff to tell her to leave the casino due to her disrupting the other players. Bam, Dico, Luna,& Celestia exited the casino and decided to ask Novo some questions., "Alright, Novo; why'd you freak out at the casino?", the first one to ask was Bam. "They took all my money, you jerk!", Novo angrily snapped at him. "So what! You were going ballistic inside!", Luna reminded her in which Novo decided to go to another casino to have fun. They silently chuckled watching her leave as the trio went back inside to resume gambling. Back to Noteworthy and Grace Manewitz, the couple were enjoying the scenery and when it was done, they decided to go to where the others were. The new couple arrived to where the wedding was being held in which it was all prepared nicely thanks to Pinkie Pie and soon, the wedding was almost beginning but it turns out that she all of a sudden screamed her head away due to the fact she saw the picture of a naked Don Vito which Bam decided to bring along and that caused her to run out of the door in fear. Oh well.....the wedding was called off afterwards but it didn't matter, she was a total bitch Noteworthy admitted to them. You know what they say, love hurts. Author's Note Sorry for the delay of the chapter but anyhow, enjoy! Short 3: Novo's Claw NailAuthor's Note P.S. Takes place after the Don't Feed Tia Challenge. Short 3: Novo's Claw Nail Canterlot Castle The Next Day after the Challenge It was a lovely afternoon in Canterlot Castle and inside there, the CKY Crew were hanging out along with Novo who decided to pay them a visit with a nasty surprise with them. And what was the nasty surprise you ask? Well, reader; the nasty surprise was that Novo had a fungus infected claw nail that was hanging off from her right foreleg and that caused everyone to be disgusted on it as she had difficulty in removing it whilst they cringed and gagged on the sight Novo was trying to do to herself. The sight was just disgusting and a bit gruesome for the others who were a bit faint-hearted on it "Ew, Ew, Ew, Ew, Ew! That's just fucking disgusting!", Bam cringed with disgusting as he came back with pliers and removed the fungi nail and that caused everyone to be disgusted by it. When it was removed, the group along with the Margera Couple almost puked at the sight of it., "Come on, everyone. Smell it". Some said "No!" whilst others who were brave enough smelled it and some of them commented that it reeked like garlic and gym socks wrapped into one. "What does your claw look now?", Star Bright asked in which Novo showed them where her nail used to be. "Oh my Faust!", Silver Script exclaimed in shock on what he and the group saw. Dico then thought about something, "Guys.", he told them and that caused the CKY Crew and the Margeras to get their attention to him., "This was almost as worse as Don Vito's neck cum on his back and the toenail that he had". "That's so fucking disgusting for him but Novo's the worst!", Bam ranted and then asked a question to her., "So what are you going to do about it now?" "I'll keep it as a souvenir. It looks nice.", Novo told them whilst holding it. Luna held the pliers with the claw nail and showed it to the readers whilst exclaiming on it, "EEEEEWWWWW!!"
Short 1: Luna wakes CelestiaCanterlot Castle Another morning starts to approach as Luna heads towards her sister's room whilst turning to you readers with an announcement to make for your sorry asshole eyes to read. "I'm Princess Luna and I'm about to give my fat-ass big sis, one rude wake up today!" She went inside the room and lit her horn silently which she summoned a firecracker and placed it quietly on Celestia's crotch-tits, then lit it afterwards. When it was done, she quickly left the room and waited until....BANG! BANG! BANG! A massive explosion lit towards the room and Luna went in to check on Celestia who was moaning and groaning in pain whilst holding her own crotch-milkers as she decided to greet her older sister a good morning. "Wakey, Wakey, Tia. How's your alarm clock?", Luna asked. "You're such a fucking asshole!", Celestia angrily shot back. And then, Celestia was giving chase and Luna knew it was time to bail out as her older sister tried to catch her up, but suddenly gave up when she felt very hungry due to her stomach grumbling loud and decided to call it quits for now and headed towards the dining hall to get some breakfast this morning which started off with a wake-up prank from her younger sister. "Bam, you're such a horrible influence to my lil' sis.", Celestia grumbled. Luna who was watching nearby, chuckled on what she did to her and then left the castle to fly towards Ponyville so that she can hang out with Bam for breakfast at Castle Bam II with his friends and family. "Bam and his friends are not gonna believe when I tell them on what I did to Tia this morning!", she told to herself whilst chuckling in amusement as she headed towards her destination. Author's Note P.S. Luna did tell her and the whole crew (minus Phil and April) just roared with laughter. P.P.S. This is just a short chapter and there will be more short chapters like this, so stay tuned, assholes!
Short 2: Pranking NoteworthyCastle Bam II Ponyville Another day at the duplicate Castle Bam II in Ponyville and here we see Bam Margera holding a bottle of glue along with his friends (minus a certain blue stallion) as he decided to tell you readers something. "So, here I have a bottle of super mighty glue and Noteworthy is gonna have some teatime with Ape and we're gonna prank his ass like literarily", Bam said whilst the crew laughed. "He's gonna be in serious pain after this!", Bon Bon commented. So they placed a portion of glue in one of the chairs and then left the vicinity. It was already 2:00 PM in the afternoon when Noteworthy arrived and sure enough, he sat in the glue-filled chair whilst the group hid away from his sight as they watched him and April talk while having tea and biscuits. When it was over, Noteworthy tried to get up but got stuck as Ape and Phil tried to help him out but couldn't. He managed to pry himself only to be greeted by massive pain because when he freed himself from the chair, his flank hairs got ripped away and that gave him a bald spot on his cute ass. The CKY Crew arrived and revealed something to their friend. "How's the tea party, Notey?", Pinkie asked. "Did you guys sabotage this?", Noteworthy asked his friends. "Yes!", Rainbow grinned. "You guys are jerks.", Noteworthy told them which caused them to laugh. He started limping home showing his now bare butt to the group and due to the sight they saw, they couldn't help but laugh except for the Margera couple who cringed at the sight of their son's friend's butt now seen naked in front of their very own eyes caused by the prank their son and their friends played on him. Author's Note Surprise! You little jerks didn't expect another short, eh?
Bam's PlansAuthor's Note I don't own any of these franchises: Viva La Bam belongs to MTV. My Little Pony belongs to Hasbro. Bam's Plans Castle Bam West Chester, Pennsylvania, USA Just another Saturday evening in West Chester and everything was so peaceful....NOT! In a place called Castle Bam where professional skateboarder and Jackass star, Bam Margera along with his parents, April and Phil live as well as his Jackass co-star, Ryan Dunn and their friends, Raab Himself, Brandon DiCamillo, Rake Yohn, Brandon Novak,& Tim Glomb live, everything was anything but peaceful, for in fact this place has been full of massive hi-jinks during their short show called Viva La Bam and sometimes joining them was Don Vito aka Bam's fat-ass uncle, his older brother, Jess, Tim O'Connor, the Dudesons, and others as well. But ever since the show ended, one question remains for them: What the fuck are they going to do right now? But before this question can be answered, let's head inside, shall we? Inside Castle Bam, our main guy himself, Bam Margera and his crew decided to play a prank on their friend, Novak who somehow passed out on the couch and snoring peacefully in his sleep and what's Bam up to? Well, let's hear what he has to say, if we must. Bam whispered quietly, "So Novak the ass wipe here had just passed out on the couch and he's just fuckin' snoring peacefully so were about to play one epic prank on him", he turned his attention to Ryan, "So Dunn why don't you tell them what we're about to do." Ryan quietly said the plan to the readers, "Basically, we have a ton of mousetraps on where Novak is lying on the couch", we then see so many mousetraps lined on the floor next to the couch, "and what we're gonna do is that we have this airhorn I have in my hand and we will blast it loudly on his ear and he's gonna be waking up in pain!" They chuckled silently as they put their plan in motion; Bam crept quietly next to Ryan in which he took out the airhorn and when the time was right, he blasted it so loud that Novak woke up and jumped out of the couch only to be greeted by the mousetraps that lied in wait for him as they started hitting him in an jolt and in any part of his body. One mousetrap managed to hit him in the crotch in which he groaned in pain whilst Bam and the rest of his crew laughed at their hilarious antic on their friend. Novak grumbled, "You guys are fucking assholes." "Rise and shine, bud", Bam snickered. "What's all that noise?", came an all too familiar voice of a woman and this one in question was Bam's mother, April or Ape as they call her for short. She and her husband, an almost obese man named Phil who had a brother named Vincent or Don Vito as his son would call his uncle; were going downstairs, dressed in fancy outfits with April wearing a dress and Phil donning a suit and had some bags with them too. "We just played a prank on No-", he said to them until he caught wind on why they were dressed like that as he asked them a question, "Where are you guys going?" April beckoned her son, "Come on, give us a kiss and goodbye." "Where are you guys going?", Bam asked again. "Equestria", Phil answered, "We're going to the Grand Galloping Gala". "Equestria?!", Bam shockingly asked. Now I know what you're wondering, dear reader. How the hell do they know about Equestria? Well, before Viva La Bam started, Bam met Princess Luna along with her fellow Xtreme BMXers and skaters, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Lyra Heartstrings,& Sweetie Drops aka Bon Bon during a demo at the local mall. Luna had also brought her older sister, Princess Celestia to it too so that she can be cheered on. Also with them during the demo was Don Vito and just like April; Celestia had so much distaste for him too but Luna on the other, she and Bam loved to mess him up as well. Before these Equestrians left, Luna decided to give them a spell book that can open a portal to Equestria so that they can visit them too as well as use some spells for emergencies or for fun; but the twist is, they get to keep their human forms when they arrive in that said land. She also gave him an invisibility cloak like you see in the Harry Potter movies and when it was done, they left. Apparently, the Margera couple were invited to the Gala which was sent via magic, and they accepted the tickets that were provided for them. But we're losing track of the story, let's move back on, shall we? "Yeah, so give us a kiss and a goodbye.", April said to Bam as he decided to give them what they want and left, having satisfied on what their youngest son gave them. Bam pondered on what they said, "Equestria.....", he thought until an idea sparked on his head!, "Wait! I got it!", he exclaimed in delight. "What's your idea?", Dico asked him. "Let's go to Equestria, duh!", Bam replied. "You just thought about that, right now?", Glomb confusingly asked. "Yeah.", Bam replied whilst grinning, "Besides, why stay here for the whole time when we can just go there instead". "Oh my God.....", Ryan replied on whom the latter was stunned on what his co-star proposed" "Canterlot, baby!", Raab said excitedly "Well then, it's settled.", Bam announced and came up with a plan to screw his uncle, "I've got an idea!", he turned to Raab, "Yo, Raab! Quietly sneak into Vito's house and get his clothes, then leave a note saying that we're at Paris again so that he'll be stupid enough to believe that shit. Got it?" "Got it!", Raab answered with a huge grin. "I'll join too", Novak told them. "So it's settled, ya little fucktards!", Bam declared and decided to announce one order to them, "Pack all of your fucking shit, then lock the doors and the windows as well, and let's go!" The crew cheered in delight on this and started to pack valuable things for their journey to Equestria, so without further ado, Equestria beware! Because Bam and his crew will be there!
Meeting with the Equestrian CrewAuthor's Note P.S. The Mane 6 will be using their 1st Gala Dresses from the 1st season. P.P.S. Made some changes, please don't be harsh on it. Meeting with the Equestrian Crew Canterlot, Equestria Ah, the peaceful night of Canterlot which is the capital city of Equestria and the lights illuminating from the city were just as beautiful as the rulers of Equestria themselves, Celestia and Luna. Bam and his crew arrived here after opening a portal using the spell book he had as he drove through their entrance with his new Hummer after his old one was destroyed by Vito in retaliation for destroying his window. He used the spell book again to make his car invisible so that he won't raise suspicion to any pony that might be in the vicinity and after parking the invisible car in the gardens, the CKY crew headed to the farthest front of the castle and they stood there when Bam decided to tell to you readers something. "So we're here in West Chester and we don't know where Ape and Phil are going to be but all I know for sure is that they'll be visiting that thing.", Bam said whilst pointing at Canterlot Castle, "So Glomb, you're on watchguard duty.", he said to him as he handed his friend a pair of binoculars in order to find them. "How are we going to find them, anyway?", questioned Dico as he pointed out something, "There's like a whole load of ponies here and there". "Are you kidding?", Ryan asked Dico, "We're looking for Phil and Ape so they're not hard to spot." Bam responded with a chuckle, "Besides, Phil's like the size of Celestia in terms of fatness.", his friends giggled on what he described Phil perfectly. 2 Hours Later The search for Bam's parents continued as Glomb was spying on where they were until something caught his attention with own eyes and if you say it's Phil and April, reader; then the answer is a big NO. What dear ol' Glomb saw were six ponies: Two unicorns, two Pegasi, and two Earth Ponies both mares and stallions chatting with each other as he told his friends what he saw, "Oh my God! Look at those sweet ponies with those sweet ass cheeks!", Glomb described to the group which caused them to laugh a bit loud. "No, no, no", Bam shook his head, "Look over there, Tim", he pointed to the where he should be looking which is the castle. "Oh", Glomb said in a bit of a disappointing voice until he saw something again that amused him, "Dude, that stallion's got a fancy suit and monocle along with that hot mare next to him", he told them about that because he spotted one of Canterlot's most famous elites; the unicorn stallion, Fancy Pants and his marefriend, a unicorn mare named Fleur de Lis. They chuckled on what he said so Glomb continued to find the couple until he finally found where they were which he alerted the others, "Oh my God!", he exclaimed in which he saw Phil and April talking to an Earth Pony mare, a Pegasus mare, and a Unicorn mare whom their names are Applejack who is famous for being the bearer of the Element of Honesty, Fluttershy who is also famous for being the bearer of the Element of Kindness, and last but not the least, Rarity who too is also famous for being the bearer of the Element of Generosity, thank you very much, "Yo! I see them!", he told them as he handed the binoculars to Bam. "Holy shit!", Bam exclaimed in delight as he pointed to where he was pointing at, "There they are!" "No kidding, it is them", Ryan was stunned, "It's like finding a bowling ball and a bowling pin in a haystack". "Yo, let's just go there and meet them", Bam told them. So off they went where his parents were but not before throwing the invisibility cloak to hide themselves so that they won't be spotted by any pony. They entered the castle using the other side where the gardens were as the group made their way to where April and Phil were until Bam gave instructions to his friends at once, "Don't look American. Try to blend in whilst following them so that we won't raise suspicion.", The CKY Crew continued their way towards the busy chatting crowd where the Margera couple were in which the husband and wife were busy, looking at the food in the catering area. "He's going to the catering area and he's just looking at the food choices.", Raab told them in which they chuckled in response. "How the hell are we going to get their attention in the first place?", asked Rake. "Raab, try to tip the table next to them so that they will notice.", Bam told his friend as they made their way to it in which Raab did and tipped the empty table used for chatting next to them in which it fell and the couple noticed but then, ignored it later., "Clueless, they're totally clueless.", he told them. They continued following them as he pointed where they were and to be exact, they were asking a unicorn named Amethyst Star who wore a yellow saddle and a yellow flower on her mane to take a picture of them., "Look how close we are to them right now.", he knew that they weren't getting their attention as he exasperated, "Fuck.", he then decided that he had enough, "I can't take this shit anymore. Let's initiate our plan just like we did back in Paris. Come on!", Bam beckoned his friends as they made their way to where the Hummer was parked. Sure enough, they made their way to the car as Bam took out a bicycle and instructed Raab to ride and purposely crash anywhere so that they can attract April and Phil's attention. He then used the spell book again and made Raab temporarily invisible which deactivates the invisibility if he crashes. Raab made his way towards the couple and he purposely crashed next to another table in which he fell from his bike rendering the temporary invisible spell off and that caused commotion to everypony who was in the vicinity and that also caused the Margera couple to head towards the location of the crash only for April and Phil to see the face on who it was. "Raab?!", April exclaimed upon finding out who caused this commotion. During that time, Bam and the rest of his crew decided to show themselves to them in which she asked them a question, "What are you guys doing here?" "What's going on here?", asked a voice which apparently turned out to be none other than Princess Celestia herself. Apparently, she heard the commotion too and her former faithful student named Twilight Sparkle who is none other than the bearer of the Element of Magic herself and the fourth princess of Equestria as well as the Princess of Friendship decided to take over for her greeting the ponies that wanted to meet them. When she saw Bam and his crew, she was just as shocked as April and Phil, "Bam?! What in the whole wide world of Equestria are you and your friends doing here?". "We're here to ruin your parade!", Bam announced. "Aw, come on, Bam.", April exasperated. "Tell me you didn't bring your uncle, Bam.", Celestia worryingly asked him. Bam assured her, "He's not here in Equestria.", the Sun princess and April sighed in relief on what he told them. Meanwhile..... Apparently, it was a different time in Paris since back in West Chester, it was already morning when Vito woke up and saw the note thinking they were there, so he stupidly boarded that flight and he realized that all of his suitcases were gone thanks to Bam using the spellbook to teleport them in Equestria. Right now, he was at a phone trying to contact home and he heard Bam's telephone ringing and it told him to leave a message, so let's hear him what he has to say. "Bam, I picked up your voicemail", he replied and then started to go into his raging gibberish rants again, "Bam, I am a Paris gandamit and I gotabeer but noluggage. Yabbba grab your neck, you're a jerkoff!", he angrily put the phone back and went back to his seat, "Gah rah gah gah boo buddy else in here, I'mma headaback ta WestChester dis is bullzhit! Woolshit, Bam! Get me outta this fucking place!" It took many hours of waiting but he finally took a plane which got him out of Paris and then, he headed back to West Chester and when it was done, he headed straight to his own house with no idea on where the group were. Bam then took out a piece of paper and decided to show the readers which are you, thank you very much about a meeting point and told all of you what it was, "This is a meeting point for one Princess Luna and her extreme cohorts. But first, let's contact Vito!". "Oh no, Bam! No! Just, please....don't contact him, I beg of you!", Celestia groaned and begged Bam not to do it but her words fell on deaf ears as he used the spellbook to contact Vito and sure enough, a magical image of Vito appeared as he then, looked at his nephew with irritation on his eyes. "Bam's, that you?", Vito asked. "Sup, fat ass. How's your trip to Paris?", Bam asked whilst smugly smiling at Vito. Bam, yar a fahkin' asshole! And gimmeh mah clothez back right now, gawdammit! I'm gettin' tired of yer bullshit. Jezuz.", Vito angrily told him until he asked his 2nd nephew a question., "Besides, how are they gonna find you, Bam? You're in a goddamn castle." "Alright! You make a valid point.", Bam told him as he grabbed the suitcase which caused his uncle to get angry. "What are y- Bam!", Vito angrily tried to reach out and grab him but because he wasn't in Equestria, he couldn't touch them. He could only helplessly watch as he and his friends started to open his suitcase and lay out all of his clothes into a circle which they did that and that caused some of the guests to get initially annoyed on what they were doing as well as their unmannerly behavior while Vito continued his angry rant towards his youngest nephew, "That's not gonna work, Bam! This ain't Brazil, god damnit." Bam turned to his uncle, "You never know when they might come, so we gotta be prepared for it". They waited and waited until a plane flown by Bam's friend, Joe was contacted by Princess Luna herself to fly to the meeting point where she along with the Element bearers of Loyalty and Laughter themselves, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash as well as S.M.I.L.E. Agents, Lyra Heartstrings and Sweetie 'Bon Bon' Drops were going to dive in and greet their friends in an awesome way. "Where are they, Bam? How are they gonna find all of you there?", Vito asked them as Bam and his family and friends looked at the sky. And sure enough, the daredevil Equestrian CKY Crew jumped out of the plane but not after Luna opened a portal that will take Joe and his plane back to Earth, they continued their freefall and when the time was right, they opened their parachutes and starting heading towards the opening of the castle which Celestia opened to let the cool air in for the guests as the four daredevils descended towards the motley crew. "What the hell?!", Raab exclaimed and laughed whilst he ran away to get cover due to Luna nearing close to hitting him during her descent and when it was done, the four mares removed their goggles and parachutes as they decided to greet their human friends in an instant. "Heyo, Brandon Cole Margera!", Luna called out to her friend in which Bam gave her a hug, "I missed you, ya rascal!" "Missed ya too, Lu's!", Bam replied back. "Good to see you again, Bammy!", Pinkie appeared out of Bam's shirt which surprised him. "Nice to see you again, dude.", Rainbow fist-bumped or in this case, hoof-bumped Bam. "Sup, Margera", Lyra shook her friend's hand. "What's up!", Bon Bon shot back at Bam Suddenly, Luna spotted Vito's magical projection, "Hey, ya cross-eyed fat fuck! How are things doing, Tubby?" "Well, look who dropped into the sky, it's Princess Luna and her subjects.", Don Vito mockingly said, "And no thanks to your fucking friend, Bam aka mah fahkin' nephew stol mah stuff! A'mma grab ya necks, ya double troublemakin' assholes!", he angrily gibbered which caused the group to laugh in delight. "Yo, Vito; you want your stuff back?", Bam asked his uncle. "Yeah, gimme mah stuff back, Bam; teleport it back to mah house, I don't care.", Vito grumbled in annoyance. Luna quipped, "Alrighty, Vits.", she turned towards Glomb, "Yo, Glomb! Bring out a surprise to this Gala for Vito." Sure enough, Glomb decided to borrow Bam's spellbook and casted a summoning spell that brought his woodchipper to Equestria in which he turned it on and Bam along with his friends decided to throw all of his uncle's clothing and valuable items and because of that, every pony at the Gala were horrified on what the gang was doing while Vito decided to tell his nephew something, "Oh do what you and Luna want, Bam but you're gonna be paying for that.", The CKY Crew laughed on what he said whilst continuing to destroy Vito's stuff with Glomb's woodchipper. Vito attempted to give them both a double chokehold but couldn't due to him not being in Equestria in the flesh. When the Gala was over, the Margeras along with the CKY Crew as well as Lyra and Bon Bon took the Friendship Express back to Ponyville. Coincidentally, Luna and Celestia wanted to join in so that they can have fun with Bam and his crew but Pinkie and Rainbow decided to join with their friends in going back home by using the Apple Carriage they had. "Looks like Dunn's having a blast", Bam said due to Ryan passing out whilst going to where their duplicate house was. Just then, Lyra decided to play a prank on Ryan, "Ryan, smell my Equestrian ass!", she told the readers as she lifted her dress and placed her lyre-marked ass on the man's face which caused him to wake up in disgust and that caused everyone to laugh at the prank that the unicorn played on him. "Your ass stinks, Heartstrings!", Ryan commented back at her. After the long trip, they went down the station and headed to their destination and it turns out the duplicate Castle Bam that Bam summoned was almost close to the Forbidden Forest and almost close to town. The lesbian couple decided to part ways and head straight to their home whilst the Margeras, the CKY Crew, and the Royal Sisters headed to the duplicate house and entered it at once and both alicorns were amused at sight that was behold on their own eyes. "Nice! This is so like you, Bam.", Luna commented. "Thanks! Ape once decorated it just like our old shitty home and I decided to do a little remodeling myself.", Bam recounted the first time they moved into the new home back at West Chester. "More like you destroyed our old home's furniture!", April upsettingly told him which caused the CKY Crew to laugh in response. Eventually, both sisters decided to head back to the castle for a good night's rest. Bam on the other hand turned to the readers in order to tell all of you something important, "So, we're gonna wrap this chapter up, because tomorrow, we're about to have fun and you little shits are about to meet our other Equestrian crew members. Night!". Everyone went to their respective rooms for a good night's sleep and rest for tomorrow, the fun in Equestria has just begun....or should I say: Bamquestria.
Don't Feed TiaAuthor's Note I'm not gonna put a ton of dialogue they used in the Don't Feed Phil episode, okay! So don't try bothering me with it. Other than that, please enjoy. Don't Feed Tia Afternoon The Next Day Ahh....a brand new morning in Equestria, specifically in Ponyville and in Castle Bam II, everyone was aroused by the morning light that Celestia rose in the sky. Bam along with his family and the CKY Crew were heading towards the small town as he turned to the readers on something he has to say to your sorry asses in an instant. "So, it's morning in Equestria or should I say so myself, Bamquestria", this caused a commotion of laughing from his friends whilst he continued on talking, "and we're going to meet up with our remaining CKY Equestrian Crew, later!" They reached towards town after a long walk, and there they met up with the others and found the remaining members of the CKY Equestrian Crew in the form of three stallions of the three pony races: A unicorn named Star Bright, A Pegasus named Silver Script, and an Earth Pony named Noteworthy saw the gang and instantly greeted them. The group decided to hang out with them until it was all interrupted when Luna arrived with her entourage and that caused the ponies to bow down to her and afterwards, she told them to rise and then greeted the CKY Crew in which she decided to tell them something of utmost importance but not before teleporting Bam's Hummer in Castle Bam II which she reminded him that he forgot to bring his car to the duplicate house yesterday. "Yo, Margera!", Luna called out to him, "I need your help with something." "What's the problem, Luna?", Bam asked her. "It's my fat-ass big sis", she told them which caused the group to laugh on what she said as she continued whilst smiling, "because lately, she's getting too fat and I don't know what her weight is right now, so you wanna come?", she finished it with a question if they want to come with her or not. "Sure!", he replied, "Why not? Let's see if she's even fatter than Phil and Don Vito.", the group laughed on what Bam compared Celestia to his dad and uncle. Luna then teleported themselves to Canterlot and to be more specific, Canterlot Castle where Tia was, in which she along with her younger sister and Bam decided to do a little rough-horsing via wrestling and lucky enough for them, there wasn't a lot of royal work for the sisters to do. Knowing how tired Celestia can be just like Phil, Luna decided to ask her a question about her weight in which Celestia didn't know how fat she is as of now. "Big sister, how much do you weigh like right now?", she asked whilst smiling. "I don't know, maybe a bit like Phil or Vito, I'm a bit clueless.", Celestia replied back. Bam headed upstairs to Celestia's room and found a weighing scale and headed downstairs., "Let's see how fat Tia is!", he said whilst going down the stairs and sure enough, the group decided to weigh the sun monarch but it failed when the scale decided to say E for error due to it unable to calculate her weight. "Why the fuck does it say 'E'?", Rake asked, "It says error like crazy!". "Jeez, this was almost like Phil back in our show.", Novak reminded them in which they nodded in agreement. "Sweet Fausticorn, Sis!", Luna exclaimed in surprise while showing the weighing scale to everyone, "This is supposed to weigh humans and ponies yet when you and Phil are in it, it automatically says error!", Everyone laughed in agreement as she turned to her older sister and asked her a question, "You think you can handle one whole day with no food just like what Bam did to Phil?" Celestia replied back, "Sure, what's the prize then?", she then asked a question afterwards. "We'll give you anything you want to eat, Princess.", Noteworthy replied. "So are you in or are you out, Fatlestia?", Bam challenged Celestia. "You're so on, Bam!", she told him while she gave a hand/hoof shake to him. "Then it's settled.", Luna replied as Celestia left to deal with court duties and when she left, Luna turned towards her friends and told them something, "Let's follow her and see what she eats. How's that sound?" "Noice.", Rake agreed and so did the others. And so they followed Celestia before the sun comes down for Luna to begin her night court duties; they followed her older sister to wherever she went and to their surprise, Celestia's first meal for breakfast was a stack of waffles she created herself, for lunch, it was a triple-decker dandelion sandwich with hot sauce, for snack, she had a whole bag of potato chips BBQ flavor, and finally for dinner plus dessert, a large carrot steak and a slice of chocolate cake. The CKY Crew couldn't believe their own eyes on how much food Celestia will eat, and it was automatically decided that tomorrow: Don't Feed Tia begins whether Celestia likes it or not. 12:00 AM The Next Day The CKY Crew were listening to Celestia outside her room and they were surprised that she was a mega massive snorer like Phil only much louder. Without thinking twice, the group entered the room and crept quietly next to her bed and afterwards, Luna opened the light while Bam was holding a sword in his right hand and there was a loaf of bread impaled on the tip of the blade which he proceeded to rub it on her face and that caused her to wake up. "Good morning, Thinlestia.", Bam told her and that caused Celestia to grumble. "You know what day it is, Sis.", Luna reminded her, "It's Don't Feed Tia Day! We're gonna give you that challenge like Bam did this to his dad. You said you can do it like Phil so today, we're putting you on the test, you in or you out?" "Sure, Lulu. Bring it", Celestia mumbled tiredly, "Now shut the lights off, I'm trying to catch some shut eye" "Night!" "Good night." They headed towards her office to find all of her food stacks in which they found many hidden snacks Celestia had and when they have taken all of her food, they headed towards the pantry and also found more stacks of food, so when all of the food had been kept away from Celestia's hooves. After Celestia raised the sun, she headed downstairs in order to find something to eat but no food was spotted so she tried the fridge only to be a bit spooked when an alarm was installed in it, but after a while, she managed to open the fridge only to find it was empty and the only thing inside was a TV and a video of Dico disguised as Julia Childish again started taunting and mocking her with tons of food and him eating it. Later, when she was doing a bit of morning court, she turned the radio which announced something important and she can hear her younger sister, Luna and Bam announcing that it's Don't Feed Tia Day and that caused Celestia to tell her cooks and maids not to feed her while the announcement continued that 24 hours on this day, no food shall be given to her until she completes her challenge. The whole day was torturous for the Sun Princess and everywhere she went , there were posters of her faces with the words, "DON'T FEED TIA", in every restaurant and cafe from Equestria and beyond. Even worse, there was also Joe who flew his plane due to Luna teleporting it to their land with a banner saying the exact same words she saw, as well as guard watchers in the form of her sister and their friends who took turns in keeping an eye on Celestia (with Dico being the worst, bringing food in which the man taunted her whilst mockingly eating the food that was in front of her, and that caused Celestia's stomach to be even more hungrier than ever). The next one who was in guard duty on Celestia was none other than her hippogriff friend, Novo and she too was like Vito only different, and both Bam and Luna loved to mercilessly torment her for fun. The Queen of the Hippogriffs thought it was a smart idea to order a vegan pizza in Earth since it's the only place that Bam and Luna didn't ban food for the Sun Princess, only to realize her mistake later. When word caught of this. the CKY Crew who were at that time in a Cradle of Filth concert back on Earth decided to head back to Equestria and to be exact, in Canterlot Castle and joining them along was the band and when they returned, Bam and Luna gave Novo a punishment, which is to have make up put on her by Hank. "IF MY SISTER GETS TO THIS DAY WITHOUT EATING FOOD, THEN WE WILL FEED HER WITH ANYTHING SHE WANTS, TONIGHT!!", Luna used her Royal Canterlot Voice to make that announcement which caused everyone to cheer in excitement. The party at the castle continued loudly until it was nearing midnight and everyone and every pony counted down to 3 and finally, the clock struck at 12:00 AM which meant Celestia won the bet and those who were in the castle, fed their ruler with any food she desired until it was time to wrap up and head back home to get some good night's rest.
Viva Las PegasusSugarcube Corner Pinkie's Room Another sunny day in Equestria and to be more specific, the town of Ponyville and in the local bakery known as the Sugarcube Corner lived the Cakes which consisted of Carrot and Cup Cake along with their twin foals: A unicorn filly named Pumpkin and a Pegasus colt named Pound. Pinkie works in the bakery too and today, the Cakes went out on a vacation in Baltimare for 3 weeks and she was in charge until they returned from their trip. In her own bedroom was her along with the CKY Crew and her Equestrian CKY Crew too as they were checking in the computer on a website they caught their attention in an instant "Can you believe this, guys?", Pinkie told the gang about it for in fact what they saw was a website where unlike the mail order brides from Russia, this website however can mail order mares and stallions from Manehattan, "There's a like a ton of stallions and mares from every pony race and some these ponies are cute as well as handsome and pretty." "What are you guys looking at?", asked Noteworthy as he entered the room Luna grinned widely and replied an answer to him, "We're looking at your future wife.", that caused everyone to chuckle on what she told him "Wait, what?!", Noteworthy said in disbelief as he recounted on what she said, "You're ordering me a wife?" Bam turned towards him, "Yeah, and there are like a ton of cute mares and stallions to choose from." "So which mare are you going to pick me for a wife?" "Let's flip a coin, then" Bam took out a coin and decided to tell what to expect, "Okay if it says 'Heads' then Noteworthy's gonna get a wife but if it's 'Tails' then it's not gonna happen", he then flipped the coin which landed on the floor and sure enough, it was 'Heads' and that caused everyone to cheer and laugh for the fact that Noteworthy is gonna get a bride in Manehattan, "It's not a bad idea, after all", he told the Earth Pony stallion about it as Ryan clicked on a random mare for their friend to marry Some time later 11:00 PM In Canterlot Castle, Bam and Luna barged into Celesita's room and that caused her to wake in which the duo announced that Noteworthy was gonna marry a random mare in Manehattan and that the location they picked for the marriage to happen was in Las Pegasus. Though a bit groggy and grumpy due to her sister and her friend waking her up in her sleep, Celestia agreed to join with them in Las Pegasus since the next day was a weekend and they didn't have any serious business to attend to. Bam and Luna exited the room as the two part ways. Las Pegasus The CKY Crew along with the Margeras and Novo have arrived at their destination and Bam along with Luna decided that the first thing they need to do was to get Noteworthy looking all stylish, so they head towards the tailor shop and got him a suit along with a fedora and Bam betted that it will be all ruined for 2 days. Afterwards, they decide to check in their rooms and unfortunately, Novo got a small room in which she complained like a bitch and when the day was done, it was time to prepare for tomorrow where the fun truly begins It was the next day that the mystery mare had arrived, it was an Earth Pony mare named Grace Manewitz and they were just stunned on her beauty, so whilst Noteworthy took Grace for a bit of walk throughout Las Pegasus; Bam decided to turn to you readers and tell you dipshits about something "So whilst Notey takes Grace for some sightseeing, we're going to make Novo do 3 things that she's gonna regret and we're just gonna watch her freakout on it" Dico then appeared, "And it starts right now", he said whilst giggling uncontrollably with the CKY Crew smiling in anticipation on what's to come The first thing that they let Novo do was to get herself a tattoo in which she regretted putting it on her cooch and that caused her to rant angrily. The second thing they let Novo do next was to challenge a Wonderbolt named Fleetfoot who apparently was taking a vacation into a flying race and the winner was none other than Fleetfoot herself and the hippogriff queen was so not happy on it. But the third and final thing they made Novo do was something that she would regret in her own whole royal life Luna looked at the readers and told them something, "We're in a casino playing poker and me along with the gang just told the croupier that every time Novo says "Hit", a random card will be taken away which causes her to lose more bits and we are going to see her freak out starting now!", she ended her speech and headed inside the casino Once inside the casino, the fun began in an instant; they were in the poker table and the cards were all in. Novo had just said the word, "Hit", and that caused her to lose some bits whilst the crew looked at her with a bit of amusement on what was going on with her as the queen was trying not to loose her cool. Again and again, it happened once more until finally, Novo lost everything and the CKY crew laughed at the sight of her raging and that caused the staff to tell her to leave the casino due to her disrupting the other players. Bam, Dico, Luna,& Celestia exited the casino and decided to ask Novo some questions., "Alright, Novo; why'd you freak out at the casino?", the first one to ask was Bam. "They took all my money, you jerk!", Novo angrily snapped at him. "So what! You were going ballistic inside!", Luna reminded her in which Novo decided to go to another casino to have fun. They silently chuckled watching her leave as the trio went back inside to resume gambling. Back to Noteworthy and Grace Manewitz, the couple were enjoying the scenery and when it was done, they decided to go to where the others were. The new couple arrived to where the wedding was being held in which it was all prepared nicely thanks to Pinkie Pie and soon, the wedding was almost beginning but it turns out that she all of a sudden screamed her head away due to the fact she saw the picture of a naked Don Vito which Bam decided to bring along and that caused her to run out of the door in fear. Oh well.....the wedding was called off afterwards but it didn't matter, she was a total bitch Noteworthy admitted to them. You know what they say, love hurts. Author's Note Sorry for the delay of the chapter but anyhow, enjoy!
Short 3: Novo's Claw NailAuthor's Note P.S. Takes place after the Don't Feed Tia Challenge. Short 3: Novo's Claw Nail Canterlot Castle The Next Day after the Challenge It was a lovely afternoon in Canterlot Castle and inside there, the CKY Crew were hanging out along with Novo who decided to pay them a visit with a nasty surprise with them. And what was the nasty surprise you ask? Well, reader; the nasty surprise was that Novo had a fungus infected claw nail that was hanging off from her right foreleg and that caused everyone to be disgusted on it as she had difficulty in removing it whilst they cringed and gagged on the sight Novo was trying to do to herself. The sight was just disgusting and a bit gruesome for the others who were a bit faint-hearted on it "Ew, Ew, Ew, Ew, Ew! That's just fucking disgusting!", Bam cringed with disgusting as he came back with pliers and removed the fungi nail and that caused everyone to be disgusted by it. When it was removed, the group along with the Margera Couple almost puked at the sight of it., "Come on, everyone. Smell it". Some said "No!" whilst others who were brave enough smelled it and some of them commented that it reeked like garlic and gym socks wrapped into one. "What does your claw look now?", Star Bright asked in which Novo showed them where her nail used to be. "Oh my Faust!", Silver Script exclaimed in shock on what he and the group saw. Dico then thought about something, "Guys.", he told them and that caused the CKY Crew and the Margeras to get their attention to him., "This was almost as worse as Don Vito's neck cum on his back and the toenail that he had". "That's so fucking disgusting for him but Novo's the worst!", Bam ranted and then asked a question to her., "So what are you going to do about it now?" "I'll keep it as a souvenir. It looks nice.", Novo told them whilst holding it. Luna held the pliers with the claw nail and showed it to the readers whilst exclaiming on it, "EEEEEWWWWW!!"
