Anon, You Need to Marry My Sister!
Anon lies comfortably on his side as he leisurely skims through a novel. It’s late in the afternoon, and he had a rough day at work. He has a standard labor job, but “standard labor” in Equestria is much more difficult on his human body than it would be on that of a pony. The calm, peaceful atmosphere in his quaint Ponyville house is just what he needs to unwind after such a stressful day.
Precisely four seconds later, he falls off of his sofa as the crashing sound of his front door being kicked off of its hinges breaks him out of his zen-like state.
“NONNY!”
“Who? What? How?!”
“Ah, there you are!”
Anon’s wide eyes blink a single time as he feels himself getting lifted off of the ground and pulled into an awkward bear hug by Pinkie Pie, the mare who lives down the street. She’s only about a third of his size, so the hug is just as uncomfortable as it is surprising.
“P-Pinkie? What’s going on, is there some kind of emergency?”
“Yes! We have a MASSIVE problem on our hooves!”
“One that involves me?”
“Yes!”
Anon rubs the back of his head as he tries to regain his composure. Pinkie and her friends have saved Equestria a dozen times over, but him? Not so much. Sure, he’s friends with those mares, but they aren’t particularly close or anything. And sure, he might be the only human in Equestria, but considering he can’t fly, can’t use magic, and isn’t as strong as most ponies, that isn’t something to brag about. What in the world would they need him for?
“A-alright, what’s going on?”
“Anon, you need to marry my sister!”
“...Huh?”
“My sister, Limestone Pie! My parents sent me a letter the other day saying that they’re gonna retire! According to Pie family law, that means they can’t live on our rock farm anymore!”
“Uhh–”
“And since Marble left to go study in the Crystal Empire and Maud is conducting research here, that means poor Limestone is gonna be all alone out there!”
“I–”
“And trust me, Nonny, she can’t live on her own! Sure, physically she can take care of herself just fine, but emotionally? She won’t last a day!”
Anon grabs Pinkie’s muzzle, forcing her mouth shut.
“While that is sad, I don’t know what that has to do with me. Or why you kicked my door down.” Anon blinks. In the moment it takes for him to open his eyes, he feels Pinkie escape from his grasp. Nanoseconds later, the light that was pouring in through the door-shaped hole in his wall has disappeared and said door has magically reappeared back where it belongs. Also, Pinkie has placed her muzzle back into his grip. “...Anyway, Pinkie, I’ve never even met your sister.”
She takes a step back, now “properly” freeing herself from his grasp.
“I know, but the two of you would be just perfect together! Trust me, she’s a total sweetheart!”
“You can’t make that decision for me, Pinkie. Also, this is really sudden. You can’t barge into my house and demand I marry someone I don’t know. That’s ridiculous.”
“Can’t you give her a chance, Nonny? Please?”
“Pinkie, I barely know you, let alone this ‘Limestone.’”
“PLEASE!” Pinkie throws herself at Anon, wrapping her hooves around his torso as a veritable waterfall of tears begins to pour from her eyes. “She’s been single her entire life! Her eggs are drying up! Her ovaries are collecting DUST, Nonny!”
“Pinkie, that’s not an okay thing to say about someone.”
“She is going to become a cat lady at this rate!”
“Do I need to have a discussion with you about unhealthy societal expectations, or–”
“She’s going to be alone FOREVER!”
“Grah, FINE!”
Immediately, the tears stop as Pinkie gives him a big, excited smile.
“Really?!”
“I’ll visit your sister if it means you’ll stop doing… whatever all of this is.”
“Yes!” Pinkie gives him one more squeeze before finally letting go. “You won’t regret this, Nonny!”
“Woah!” Anon’s eyes go wide as Pinkie suddenly starts dragging him out the door. “W-wait, we’re going now?”
“We strike while the iron is hot!”
“B-but I have work tomorrow–”
“Irrelevant!”
“I regret every decision I’ve ever made.”
“First of all, I’m perfectly capable of living by myself. Second of all, even if I wanted a boyfriend, I wouldn’t stoop so low as to date a monkey.”
“Rude.”
“But, Limestone, he’s perfect for you! Just look at him!”
Anon, who isn’t remotely impressive in any conceivable way, looks at Limestone and shrugs his shoulders.
“Can he even lift half of the rocks outside?”
“Probably!”
Pinkie looks at Anon expectantly, who glances back with half-lidded eyes.
“...Are you referring to those boulders out there?” Anon points his thumb over his shoulder, motioning towards the massive stones visible through the Pie family’s farmhouse. “Because if you are, there’s no way in hell I could pick those up.”
“See?”
“B-but, Limestone, what about your emotions?! I’m not good at farm work, either!”
“Yeah, and you moved out because of it.”
“Come on, can’t you give him a chance?”
Limestone hesitates for a moment before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.
“Hey, you.”
“Hm?” Anon lifts his head to see Limestone looking right at him.
“What’d you say your name was?”
“Anon.”
“That’s the dumbest name I’ve ever heard.”
“I get that a lot.”
“I’m sure you do.” She rolls her eyes before continuing. “Look, do you even want to marry me?”
“I just met you about three minutes ago, so I can’t say I’m particularly passionate about that.”
“Let me guess. Pinkie dragged you here?”
“Eeyup.”
“Figures.” She lets out a long, depressed-sounding sigh before taking a step forward. She gives Anon a pat on the leg, but there’s so much force behind it he nearly keels over. “Look, Anon. My sister has always been like this. I love her, but not even I can help when she gets in this weird mood of hers. I’m sorry she wasted your time, but don’t get your tail in a twist over this. Just go home, and we can act like this never happened.”
“Heh.” Anon gives her a tired, amused smile. “I’m glad we’re on the same page.” Anon turns back towards the door, giving Limestone a wave as he does so. “If nothing else, it really was nice meeting you, Limestone.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
“...Did you see where Pinkie went?”
“What? I thought she was behind you?” Limestone tilts her head, but after a brief moment of contemplation, her eyes go wide. “She didn’t.”
“She wh–”
“PINKIE PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!”
Limestone rushes past Anon and throws the front door open. Across the rock-filled field, a train begins to roll away from a tiny wooden platform. On the back of that train, a familiar pink mare waves at the pair.
“Good luck with your new life, you two!”
“Pinkie Pie, I am going to turn you to cobble the next time I see you!”
“I’m pretty sure you’ll be hugging me and thanking me for finding you a husband! See ya next moooooonth~!”
Pinkie’s voice grows quieter as the train picks up speed, slowly disappearing into the distance. With a loud growl, Limestone kicks at a rock roughly the size of Anon, causing it to fly hundreds of feet into the air and out of sight. Anon feels a cold sweat form on his brow.
“Fuck!” Anon stands frozen in place as he watches Limestone stew in her anger. It isn’t until after she’s left a few large holes in the ground and stomped a couple dozen times that she acknowledges his presence again. “You!”
“Hi.”
“You’re working here until I can send you home.”
Limestone angrily stomps past Anon to head back into the house, conspicuously leaving the door open behind her.
“W-wait, why can’t I just go home tomorrow?”
“It’s the off season. Next train doesn’t come for a month.”
“A month?! What about my job?!”
“As far as I’m concerned, your only job right now is to help around the farm. We start at sunrise.”
“I-I thought you said I was too weak to work on the farm?”
“Guess we’re gonna test that, aren’t we? You stay on the farm, you work on the farm. That’s how we do it around here. Pie family law and all that.”
“Wait, is that why you’re here alone?”
“Yup. Mom and Dad decided to retire, so they’re not allowed to live on the farm anymore. You don’t break Pie family law.”
“Wh-what about Applejack and her family?”
“They’ve only ever stayed over the holidays, which we take off anyway.”
“Uh… okay.” Anon glances around the house anxiously as he steps inside. To say that it’s rustic would be a massive understatement. The house looks like it was built hundreds of years ago, and a few damp corners and uneven floorboards reveal just how badly it’s in need of repair. Still, he can’t deny the innate coziness that it exudes. “Er, nice place you got here.”
“Been in the family for generations. Come on, I’ll show you to your room.”
“I get a room?”
“What, did you think you’d be sleeping with me?”
Anon snorts.
“Apparently Pinkie did.”
To his surprise, that comment pulls a laugh out of Limestone’s typically gruff-sounding voice.
“Don’t get your hopes up, dude. Even I’ve got standards.”
“Rude.”
“Ah. I didn’t mean…” Limestone, who had been leading him up an old, rickety staircase, freezes momentarily as her cheeks darken. However, this only lasts for a split second before she turns away. “Never mind. Come on, I’m not getting any younger.”
“Oi! I said we start at sunrise!”
Anon is jolted awake by the sound of Limestone throwing the bedroom door open. The house only has two bedrooms to begin with, and judging by the numerous beds surrounding him, Anon assumes Limestone and her sisters probably shared this room for most of their lives. While the house is cozy, he can only imagine how stifling that must have felt. For all of its rustic charm, it’s not very big.
“S-sorry, I’m not used to getting up so early,” he yawns as he begins to stretch his arms.
“Ugh, you’re one of those types,” Limestone groans as she rolls her eyes.
“I’m sorry?”
“I can’t believe Pinkie thought I’d… ugh, forget it. You’ve got five minutes to get ready. Meet me on the porch.”
“A-alright.”
Without another word, Limestone leaves the bedroom and shuts the door with more force than is necessary. Anon stares at the door for a moment before letting out a sigh.
How did I end up in this situation?
Rubbing the gunk from his eyes, he lazily rolls out of bed before scratching his back. The mattress was as hard as a stone. Plus, despite it being the middle of summer, the house is surprisingly cold. Long story short, he didn’t sleep well at all.
I mean, working on a rock farm? Really? How do you even farm rocks?
Trudging to the other side of the room, he finds his discarded shirt and shoes. Picking up the shirt, he gives it a quick sniff. It’s rank from him sweating in the summer sun yesterday, but he didn’t bring a change of clothes on account of not expecting to visit for more than a day. He throws the shirt on with a groan, hoping Limestone isn’t too offended.
If I’m gonna be here for a month, I guess I’d better ask if I can use her washing machine later.
The one thing the bedroom does have going for it is an attached bathroom, which he is eager to make use of.
Then again, she seems pretty snippy in general. Ugh, Pinkie Pie… you’re gonna owe me the biggest of solids when I get home, mark my words.
Freshened up about as much as he could hope for, Anon finally heads downstairs. Stepping outside, he finds Limestone waiting impatiently on the porch, just as she promised.
“Six minutes. Glad to see you can’t follow even the most basic of instructions.”
“Sorr–”
“I don’t wanna hear it. Come on, I’m gonna stress test you.”
Limestone begins walking away, clearly expecting Anon to follow. With only a brief moment of hesitation, he starts to walk behind her.
The rock farm is exactly what it sounds like. Along with the farm house near the center of the farm, there’s a single silo and a windmill. Apart from that, it’s mostly a dirt field filled with thousands of rocks and the occasional cluster of trees. Even in the bright summer sun, it looks drab and dreary. It’s hard to imagine someone like Pinkie Pie being produced in an environment like this.
“Er… nice place you got here.”
“I don’t need to hear your false flattery, dude.”
“Uh–”
“By rock farm standards, this place really is impressive. By my standards, it’s home. But I’m not stupid.” She turns her head to look back at him, deftly avoiding every rock in her way despite not looking forward all the while. “We’re smack dab in the middle of Equestria’s asshole. There’s nothing out here for a city boy like you.”
“I wouldn’t really call Ponyville a ‘city’ per se.”
“Well, compared to my farm, you wouldn’t call it the boonies either, would ya?”
“No, I suppose not.”
“Then that settles that.”
“What about you?”
“Hrm?”
“You call this place home, but what’s out here for you?”
“It’s my family farm. Now that my parents and Marble are gone, it belongs to me. I’d be doing them a disservice by not giving it my best.” She tries to hide it, but Anon picks up on the faintest hint of a sigh escaping her. “Though I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who’s given a damn in years.”
“Why do you?”
Limestone clicks her tongue.
“You’re full of questions, aren’t you?”
“S-sorry, I’m just curious. There’s gotta be something keeping you out here, right?”
“I just said it’s my family’s farm.”
“But your family isn’t here anymore. The only person you have left to impress is yourself.”
“L-like you’d know anything.” Her already gruff voice gets lower and colder as she turns away from him again. “Besides, Pinkie told me you did a bunch of crappy, low-paying labor in Ponyville. What’s keeping you out there?”
“I’m not really attached to it or anything, it’s just where I ended up.”
“How do you ‘end up’ in Ponyville of all places?”
“Not even the princesses have an answer to that one. I just showed up one day, never to see my home again.”
“You don’t seem all that torn up about it.”
“Eh, I didn’t leave much behind.”
To his surprise, Limestone lets out a single laugh.
“Anyway, we’re here.”
Limestone stops in front of a pair of large rocks, each about three feet in diameter. They lean against one another, clearly having been placed there on purpose.
“What are these?” Anon folds his arms as he eyes the pair of rocks.
“This is your stress test.”
“Stress test?”
“Just do what I say and try not to pull a muscle, alright?”
“Uh–”
“Now, try to lift the rock on your left.”
Anon raises an eyebrow before shrugging. Bending his knees, he attempts to lift the rock with proper form. To Limestone’s surprise, he is able to get it off of the ground. In fact, he can lift it to a standing position, but it’s clear from the strain on his face that he wouldn’t be able to take it very far.
“Alright, that’s enough. Put it down.” Resisting the urge to just drop the darn thing, he places it right back how he found it, albeit a little more crooked than it was before. “Okay, now try the other one.”
With a confident rolling of his shoulders, Anon bends down to lift the second rock. However, despite it appearing identical to the first, he struggles to get it off of the ground. Limestone smiles to herself as he grunts and tries as hard as he can to move the stone, but that smile disappears as she watches the stone get lifted about an inch off of the ground. Anon drops the stone immediately after, finally succumbing to its weight.
“Y-yeah, I don't think that's happening.”
“...” Limestone clears her throat, doing her best to mask her surprise. “Well, you didn’t do as bad as I thought you would.”
“What was…” Anon struggles to speak through his strained breaths. “What was the point of that?”
“The first rock is exactly what it looks like: a rock. The second is actually a geode filled with tonneite.”
“Tonneite?”
“Some of the heaviest shit you’ll find on the farm.” Limestone walks up to the second stone and lifts it over her head without so much as a clenched muscle. “Hard to tell the difference without picking ‘em up, isn’t it? Now I’ve got a pretty good gauge of what you can and can’t lift. And I guess I also learned that you can’t tell the difference between the types of rocks around here, but I sort of expected that.”
“So… what now?”
“Now I’ll put you to work with the rocks you can lift. Because I’ve got a feeling you can’t break them by hand. And that you’ve never used a pickaxe in your life.”
“Can’t say I have.”
“That’s what I thought. Alright, come on.”
“Where are we going now?”
“To your assignment for the day. You see that section of field out there? On the other side of that fence?”
Limestone motions in front of her as she walks, pointing to a distant patch of land surrounded by an old, worn-out fence. On that patch of land are thousands of scattered rocks ranging from tiny pebbles to boulders triple his size.
“Yeah?”
“Those are ready to be harvested. You need to move them from that field…” Her hoof goes from that section of field to the exact opposite end of the farm, where another fenced-in section of field lacking any rocks lies dormant next to the train tracks. “To that field.”
“...A-all of them?”
“The ones you can lift, at least.”
“L-look, I don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth–”
“A what?”
“I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but that seems like a monumental task.”
“Welcome to my entire life, Anon.” She gives him a smug grin and reaches up to pat him on the back, accidentally knocking him flat on his face in the process but not showing any remorse for having done so. “Besides, you’ve got all month.”
“All month. Right.” He dusts himself off as he gets back on his feet. “A month of moving rocks.”
“Well, if you need me, I’ll be in the quarry.”
“The quarry?”
“We’ve gotta get fresh rocks from somewhere.” With a shrug, Limestone turns and walks away. “We’re done when the sun goes down. I’ll meet you at the house then.”
“What about lunch?”
“We’ll have a big dinner.”
“A-alright.”
This mare is trying to kill me.
Anon wipes the sweat from his brow with one hand while resting the other on his knee. Sure enough, he spent the entire day moving rocks. He figured he’d start with the ones he knows he can lift, mostly the ones that are basketball-sized or smaller. Unfortunately, he learned the hard way that many of those rocks were also tonneite-filled geodes, unwilling to move from their positions. In the end, Anon moved a couple hundred of the smaller rocks.
The difference is so insignificant, even Limestone probably wouldn’t notice the field being any emptier than before.
Once Anon finally catches his breath, he glances up at the sky. The sun is setting, and it’s time to head “home.” With a sigh, he trudges across the barren farm, his unfed stomach rumbling all the while.
A few minutes later, he gently opens the door to the farm house. They don’t have an air conditioner, so it’s no cooler inside than it is out.
“Limestone?”
“In here.”
Anon hears her voice respond from around the corner. With a raised eyebrow, he makes his way around said corner to see what she’s up to. Unsurprisingly, he’s met with a kitchen. It isn’t huge, but it’s big enough to work. That said, from what he can see from the countertops and opened cabinets, it isn’t well stocked.
“Oh, are you making dinner?”
“Duh. How else would we get it?”
“I… guess that was a dumb question.”
“Yup.”
“Well, what are you making?”
“Sit down and you’ll find out. It’s just about done.”
Anon glances to the opposite end of the room, where a sizable table with six chairs awaits. Shrugging to himself, he pulls out a chair and makes himself comfortable. Sure enough, Limestone saunters over to the table a few minutes later carrying two bowls. With a tired grin on her face, she slides one to Anon before taking a seat across from him. Happy to finally have a meal, he looks down at the bowl’s contents.
“...”
“...What?” He looks up at Limestone, who stares at him with confusion. “It’s stew. Do they not have stew in Ponyville?”
“Well, yeah, but… L-Limestone, are these rocks?”
“Yeah.”
“Y-you know rocks aren’t edible, right?”
“You wanna bet?”
With her confusion quickly turning to frustration, he watches in abject horror as she lifts a spoon filled with some broth and a golf ball-sized rock into her mouth. She nonchalantly chews for a moment before swallowing and looking back up at him with a half-lidded stare.
“...Hm.”
There’s got to be something I’m not aware of, right? Are rocks edible in Equestria? I suppose that would explain why they farm them.
With a shrug, Anon mimics Limestone’s nonchalant consumption of a rock. Lifting the spoon into his mouth, he lets the flavor sit on his tongue for a moment. The broth tastes like nothing at all, and the rock has a salty flavor to it. It’s not the most appealing combination, but he’s had worse before. Tilting his head a little bit, he bites down on the rock.
And to his surprise, he bites right through it.
It is tough, like biting an ice cube. However, he can’t deny that he probably wouldn’t be capable of that in his old world. The rock still doesn’t taste like much more than salt, but after the hard labor he did all day without having eaten since yesterday, he’s more than willing to get it down. In fact, it doesn’t take long until the next spoonful is in his mouth, too.
“Told ya.”
After getting another mouthful down, Anon smiles at his host.
“Thanks, Limestone.”
“Thanks? Dude, rock stew is the most bottom of the barrel food in Equestria.”
“Still, you took the time to make it, and it’s filling me up. I am thankful for that.”
“Tsk, whatever.”
Limestone has nowhere to go, but she turns her head in an attempt to hide her growing embarrassment. The rest of the meal is consumed in relative silence. Eventually, both finish their stew. Limestone collects the bowls and returns to the kitchen, not hesitating to wash them in the sink.
“Oh, uh, Limestone?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you guys have a washing machine? My clothes are getting really gross and it’s the only outfit I’ve got.”
“That’s why we ponies go nude.” Limestone laughs to herself before continuing. “But no, we don’t have a washing machine.”
“Y-you don’t?”
“Nope. We’ve got some buckets and soap on the back porch, though. Feel free to use ‘em.”
“You don’t…” Anon bites his tongue. He knew the Pie family was traditional, but no washing machine? “A-alright. Thanks.”
Limestone doesn't respond, instead choosing to continue washing the bowls as Anon heads to the back porch.
Guess I’d better get used to this sort of thing.
Anon wakes up yet again to Limestone banging on his door. He passed out almost immediately after doing his laundry, largely due to how exhausted the farm work made him.
“Sun’s up, it’s time to get to work.”
“A-alright. I’ll be there in five. For real this time.”
“You’d better.”
Now with a clean set of clothes, Anon washes up and makes it to the porch, this time only taking four minutes.
“Huh. True to your word.” With an amused grin, Limestone steps off of the porch and begins to walk away. “Same assignment as yesterday. At the pace you’re going, you probably won’t even get done by the end of the month.”
“Sorry.”
“Whatever. Not like I expected much out of you anyway.”
Without so much as a wave, Limestone cuts the conversation and heads towards the quarry. Now alone, Anon takes a deep breath.
Guess I’d better get going, then.
As he marches across the barren farm, he feels a growing frustration fill his mind. He was feeling fine mere moments ago, and the newfound discomfort causes him to furrow his brow.
By the end of the month, huh?
Anon looks out at the field of rocks. Taking a moment to drink it all in, that statement does seem appropriate. The task before him is nothing short of monumental, something entire teams of stallions would struggle to do in a month’s time. Deep down, he knows that this is true.
So why do Limestone’s words bother him so much?
…I guess I literally don’t have anything better to do out here.
Anon rolls his head and cracks his knuckles.
Let’s prove Limestone wrong.
Easier said than done.
With a second day’s work completed, Anon judges his workload. If you were to look at the destination of the rocks he’s moving, the work he’s done is downright impressive. There are enough rocks to make a building out of, many of which vary in both size and shape.
However, looking at the field that needs to be moved, you can still barely tell that he’s even lifted a finger. Thousands upon thousands of rocks and stones lie before him, taunting him with their mere presence.
“Don’t get cocky, rocks. I’m about to eat some of your kind. Don’t think you’re safe just because you’re heavy!”
“Are you talking to the rocks?”
“AH!”
Anon jumps back as Limestone speaks up from behind him, causing her to let out a gravelly chuckle.
“Don’t worry, we all go a little stir crazy out here.”
Anon feels blood running to his cheeks as he shoves his hands into his pockets.
“Wh-whatever.”
“Come on, it’s time for dinner.”
“Yeah, yeah. Sundown, right?”
“Good on you, getting the schedule memorized.”
“Well, there’s not much to it to begin with.”
Limestone gives him another pat on the back.
“Glad to see you’re adapting so well to the Pie family’s way of life.”
“More like Limestone’s way of life,” he mumbles.
“Hm?” She raises an eyebrow, having heard his quiet words. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t see any other Pies doing this.”
“W-well, Pinkie is a party planner, Maud–”
“I know where they all are, but you’re the only one left.”
“No shit, Sherlock.”
The two walk towards the farmhouse as they continue their discussion.
“I’m just saying, if you’re the only Pie left on the farm, then ‘Pie family law’ is whatever you decide to make it.”
“Are you telling me to throw away decades of tradition and experience?”
“Not at all. I’m just saying that you don’t need to feel pressured by forces that don’t exist.”
“...You’ve got a lot of nerve.”
“Hm?”
“You’re basically insulting my entire heritage to my face right now. You understand that, right?”
“I, er–”
“Heh.” Limestone chuckles again, but the smile on her face quickly disappears. She looks surprised by something, and it only takes a moment before her face contorts into its usual scowl. Still, there’s a light in her eyes that Anon doesn’t fail to notice. “You’ve got balls. I can appreciate that.”
“Th-thank you?”
“Anyway, I’m starving. Come on.”
“R-right.”
“And then what?”
“Then she shatters the mirror to her realm to ensure that a tragedy like that never occurs again. She decides to return to her realm for good, but not before giving the hero a goodbye kiss.”
“B-but what happened to the hero?!”
“It’s left ambiguous. Maybe he found happiness with the princess. Maybe he returned to his quiet farm life. No one really knows for sure.”
“Damn.” Limestone leans back in her chair, her eyes wide with wonder. “Heh. I really liked that one.”
“Glad I could entertain you.”
Anon gives Limestone a big grin, which she sheepishly waves off. He’s been living on the farm for about a week now. He’s gotten into the groove of things, even if that groove isn’t the most pleasant experience. Limestone wakes him up, she tells him what she’s going to be doing that day, he works his ass off trying to clear out that field, the sun goes down, the two of them have dinner, he does his laundry, and then he heads to bed to prepare for the next day.
It’s no wonder Limestone has been so miserable.
That said, he had an idea on his fourth day. If the only company they have is each other, why not make the most of that? The whole marriage thing is utterly ridiculous, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be friends. Since the dinner table is the most natural place for them to converse, he decided he’d try to break up the daily monotony by telling stories from his old world. They’re completely fictional, of course, but they’re alien to Equestria, and especially new to someone like Limestone.
Sure enough, once he got started he had her hanging on his every word.
“Yeah, at least you’re good for something around here.”
“Gotta work for my meals, right?”
“But that’s what the field work is… ugh, never mind.”
Plus, they’ve gotten comfortable enough with each other for some light teasing. Anon has already picked up on the fact that it’s very easy to get Limestone flustered, and he uses that to his fullest advantage. She, in turn, openly mocks his shortcomings relative to her own. He gets a laugh out of it, and he’s confident that she finds it amusing, too. It’s difficult to tell sometimes, as she seems hesitant to let him hear her laugh, but he does coerce a chuckle out of her every now and then.
“Anyway, I’ve got laundry to take care of. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Anon stands from the table and begins to head for the back porch.
“W-wait.” He freezes in the doorway, not bothering to turn around to face her. “Doesn’t it get annoying having to wash your clothes every day?”
“Sure, but it’s better than smelling like sweat at the dinner table.”
“How do you normally avoid that problem?”
“Multiple sets of clothes. A washing machine also makes the process easier.”
“...Huh.”
“What?” Finally, he turns to face Limestone, who rests her head in a hoof. “Is something wrong with that?”
“No, I just never really bothered with wearing clothes too much. I guess I never saw the appeal of washing machines.”
“What about Maud? Doesn’t she wear clothes?”
“Yeah, but like you said, she has multiple sets. Made them herself, actually. We all do out here.”
“Heh, that’s impressive. Wish I could do that.”
“...Yeah.”
“Anyway, see ya tomorrow, Limestone. Goodnight!”
“Night.”
It’s been another few days. Anon leans against the old, rickety fence, catching himself when it nearly collapses under his weight. Looking out at the field before him, he can finally see a difference in the volume of rocks scattered about. A glance at the section of field by the train tracks reveals hundreds of stones that he’s moved, but there are still thousands more to go.
Suddenly, he feels something strange. A drop of cool water hits the tip of his nose. Looking up, he notices a dark, overcast sky. It’s the first time the weather has been this poor since he got here. Would’ve been great if those clouds could have hid the sun before he finished the day’s work, but he digresses.
With a shrug, he jogs back to the farmhouse, just barely making it onto the porch before the rain starts to pour.
“There you are. I was starting to think you got washed away.”
“Hey, Limestone.” With an exasperated sigh, he walks towards the sink to wash up before eating. “How was the quarry today?”
“I had to quit thirty minutes earlier than usual, which sucks. I think I’ve found a pretty big deposit of rubies, and I want to get that stuff outta there as soon as possible.”
“Rubies? I thought you were gathering rocks.”
“Sure, but would you turn your nose from a pile of money just laying right in front of you?”
“Touché. Why’d you have to leave early, though?”
“Look outside.”
Anon glances out the window. The rain is really pouring, and the fields look more than a little worse for wear.
“Ah. The quarry is dangerous in the rain?”
“Can be, yeah. It’s better to be safe than sorry down there. Hell, the whole farm can be dangerous. You never know when you’re about to step in a sinkhole.”
“Does it rain often?”
“Not at all. Usually only once or twice a year, in fact. I imagine this is all we’ll be seeing for some time.”
“Hm. Well, I appreciate the cooler temperature.”
“...Yeah.” Having finished making their stew, Limestone heads towards the table with Anon close behind. To his surprise, an empty, nostalgic laugh escapes her. “Back when we were younger, Marble and I would gather a bunch of rainwater with some of the buckets out back. We’d take turns flinging it at each other for hours.”
“It was that fun, huh?”
“When you’re young, you have to make your own fun out here. If nothing else, it felt really nice at the end of a hot day.” She lets out a deep sigh before bringing her spoon to her mouth. “But that’s enough about that.”
“Wanna do it again?”
“Huh?”
“I mean… it’s raining now. There’s two of us here, and we’ve got nothing better to do.”
“No. That’s ridiculous. We’re grown adults, why would we sling rainwater at each other?”
“Gotta make our own fun, right?”
“A-and what would other ponies think?”
“What other ponies?” Anon motions to the farmhouse around them to emphasize their isolation. “Besides, I didn’t take you for the type to care about that.”
“I…” Limestone looks away, apparently conflicted by something. “I don’t know.”
“Suit yourself.” Anon, having just finished his stew, throws his hands up and stands from his chair. “But if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go cool off.”
Heading out the door and onto the back porch, it doesn't take long for him to find a pair of buckets resting beneath a windowsill. Glancing around at the rain pouring down, he places the buckets near two corners of the porch. The rain runs off of the roof in concentrated amounts near those corners, so it doesn't take long for the buckets to fill up.
Then, as if on cue, he hears the door open behind him.
“Change your mind?”
“Sh-shut up. I’m just overheated, that’s all.”
“Well, let’s fix that!”
In one fluid motion, Anon bends down, grabs a bucket by its handle, swings around, and launches a torrent of water at Limestone. She barely has time to react before she’s completely drenched in the stuff, leaving her coat soaked and her already straight mane even droopier than usual.
“...”
“...”
“...That’s it.”
With shocking speed, Limestone leaps across the porch, grabs the other bucket, and practically throws the whole thing over his head. He doesn't even try to get out of the way, instead just smiling as the water washes over him. When all is said and done, he wipes the water from his eyes and grins at Limestone, who stands before him. The expression on her face is serious, but that seriousness turns to confusion as she notices the cocky look on his face.
“I didn’t use all of my water.”
With another flick of his wrist he sends the rest of his bucket’s contents at Limestone, once again drenching her in water. Although it’s jarring at first, the sensation has quickly turned refreshing after the day’s work.
There’s a moment of silence before Limestone opens her eyes again. Her mouth seems to tremble for a moment before she can no longer contain a smile. Not a tired smile, or an amused smile, or even a sadistic smile. A real, genuine smile filled with nothing but joy. The sight makes Anon, too, grin from ear to ear.
For the rest of the evening, few words are said. However, the rainy air on the Pie Family Farm is filled with two laughing, joyous voices for hours upon hours.
It’s been half a month.
The sun is setting, but Anon has not yet left the field. Instead, he looks down at a rock resting on the ground before him. Said rock is about a foot and a half in diameter, and at a glance, it looks completely ordinary from the outside. However, Anon knows better than that.
He’s not sure exactly when, but over the course of his time in this field he’s started to notice small details about the rocks he moves. The way they’re shaped, their texture, their coloration… all of these can play a role in determining their nature. Some are normal. Some are geodes. Some will fall apart when he tries to pick them up.
And some are filled with tonneite.
Rolling his shoulders, he looks down at the rock with a determined expression. Bending his knees, he cups the stone in both hands and starts to pick it up. As expected, it’s one of the heaviest things he’s ever attempted to lift.
And yet, lift it he does.
I’m not sure what it is about Equestria, but I’ve been gaining muscle a lot faster than should be possible. Heh, maybe it’s the diet made out of literal rocks.
That’s not to say lifting it is easy. It’s quite the opposite, in fact. Every step he takes feels like utter agony. His arms shake under the weight of the stone and his knees threaten to give out with each passing second. And yet, he continues on. He will clear this field out before the month is through.
Also, he really doesn’t want to drop it on his toes.
Finally, after what feels like an eternity, he makes it beyond the fence marking his destination. With a loud grunt, he places the rock down apart from all the others. Limestone never said how to organize the rocks, if at all. So, he’s doing his best to separate them by type. Apart from some other stones that are so small they may as well be negligible, this is the first rock to be put in the “tonneite” pile. A smile spreads across Anon’s face as he wipes his brow.
Today, he really accomplished something.
“Wow, you really accomplished something.”
“Gah! You have got to stop sneaking up behind me like that!”
“I’m not sneaking, you’re just too absorbed in your own world to notice me coming.” Giving him a pat on the back that is much more gentle than when he arrived (she’s figured out how to avoid hurting him by now), Limestone looks down at the rock with an impressed look on her face. “Damn, I really wasn’t expecting this.”
“I don’t think I was, either.”
“Glad to see the farm is finally turning you into a man.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m weak, I know.”
“No, this really is impressive. I figured it would take at least a year for you to reach this point.”
“In my old world, it probably would have.”
“Heh, guess the Pie family way is working out for you.”
“I still stand by that some things could be changed,” he grumbles as they head back to the farmhouse. “An AC would really do you some good.”
“...I’ll think about it.”
“W-wait, really?”
After hesitating for a moment, she lets out a sigh.
“I-I guess Mom and Dad never said we couldn’t get an AC, just that they didn’t want one.”
“And they’re not here anymore.”
“...Yeah.” Despite her words, she seems downtrodden with her eyes glued to the ground.
“Limestone?”
“...”
“...You care a lot about your family, don’t you?”
“Of course I do.”
“I don’t mean to pry, but you seem really afraid of disappointing them.”
“Well, duh! The Pies have been here for generations, Anon! What would it say about me if I was the one to mess everything up?!”
“Change isn’t always ‘messing up,’ you know. Do things the way you see fit. If that means doing things like your parents did, that’s fine. If that means blazing your own trail, that’s fine too.”
“And if I fail?”
“Then you pick yourself back up and try again.”
“...Pfft.” Limestone covers her mouth with a hoof as she tries to stifle a laugh. “And who are you to be waxing morals at me?”
“Ehehe, too much?” Anon sheepishly rubs the back of his neck at Limestone’s prodding, but she just shakes her head and continues walking.
“Well, there might be something to it. After all,” she says with a teasing tone as she turns on her back hoof to face him while still walking forward. “I don’t think my folks would approve of having a human living on the farm, but I think I’m warming up to the idea.”
“He wore the crown of the Night Sentinels, and those who tasted the bite of his sword named him the Doom Slayer.”
“Badass.”
“That’s another name for him, yes.”
“I’ve gotta get me one of those swords.”
“What would you even use it for?”
“I dunno. Cutting firewood, maybe?”
“Seems like overkill, don’t you think?”
“That’s the point, genius.”
The two share a chuckle as Anon dips his shirt into the soapy water. Recently, Limestone has made a habit of joining him as he does his laundry so that they can continue to converse after dinner. Anon isn’t sure where that change of heart came from, but he appreciates the company.
“Damn,” he mumbles as he takes the shirt out of the water. “Well, this was bound to happen sooner or later.”
“What’s wrong?”
“My shirt has a hole in it. Not a big deal.”
“Can you fix it?”
“Oh, uh, I don’t really know the first thing about sewing.” Anon stands from his seated position and hangs the shirt up to dry. “Well, I’ll just deal with it until the end of the month I guess. So long as my undies stay strong, so too will I.”
“...H-hey.”
“Hm?”
He glances down at Limestone as she faces away from him, her cheeks an adorable shade of pink.
“Just… stay here for a minute.”
“Uhh, okay?”
Limestone quickly disappears into the farmhouse, but she’s barely gone for thirty seconds before she sheepishly steps back outside. She’s carrying a plastic bag in her mouth, which she awkwardly sets down at his feet before backing away.
“Here.”
“What’s this?” Anon asks as he bends down to retrieve the bag’s contents. His eyes go wide as he pulls out what is unmistakably a shirt made for his human body. It’s navy blue, but otherwise completely featureless. He holds it up to his shirtless chest. It’s extremely baggy, but as he throws it over himself, he finds that it still manages to be both tough and comfortable to wear. In other words, perfect for farm work. “Where did you get this?”
“I made it. I, er, haven’t made clothes in a long time, so it’s not really my best work. B-but I don’t want to hear you complaining!”
“Limestone, I love it! Look at me!” With a wide grin on his face, he excitedly turns around to give her a look at him. “What do you think? Do I look like a Pie?”
Limestone snorts, unable to contain a hearty, gravelly laugh.
“I’m not sure your ugly mug will ever look like a real Pie.”
“Oh.”
“But this is about as close as you’re gonna get.” Her cheeks darken again as she turns around to face away from the porch. “Th-there are some pants in there, too. You’d better make sure they fit.”
Anon chuckles to himself as he quickly changes into the new pants. She even made a belt to ensure that they can tighten around his waist. Sure enough, the pants fit like a dream. While she’s no Rarity, Limestone ended up doing a pretty good job at making functional, comfortable clothes for him.
“Thank you so much, Limestone!”
“Yeah, yeah.” Turning back around to face him, she can’t stop a smile from forming on her face. “There should be a few pairs in there, so you don’t have to keep doing your laundry every day.”
“This was really thoughtful of you.”
“Eh, it’s not like I had anything better to do while you were out here washing every day. Maybe now you’ll be better at your job.”
“Well, I wouldn’t want to disappoint such a gracious host, now would I?”
She gives him a smile, one which he happily returns. Without a word, both come to a realization.
They’ve been smiling a lot lately.
Anon takes a deep breath.
There.
He wipes his brow as he takes another look at his work. The field next to the train tracks is nearly full of rocks. Turning around to face the other end of the field, his goal is almost complete. There are only a couple hundred large rocks left. When he first started, he would have given up by this point. Both the backbreaking labor and the knowledge that the biggest rocks are yet to come would have crushed his spirit. But now?
Frankly, he’s never felt so motivated.
On top of that, his strength has only continued to increase. While it will certainly be a struggle, he doesn’t doubt that he can move the remaining rocks, even those that are wider than he is tall. All that’s left to do is do it.
The only question remaining is if he’ll be able to get it done in the four days he has left.
His thoughts are interrupted by a boom coming from the sky. A quick glance upwards reveals yet another overcast sky. Unlike last time, however, said sky is practically black. Those aren’t just rain clouds, especially if the occasional flash of lightning is anything to go by.
With a content smile and a shrug of his shoulders, he jogs back to the farmhouse. He only makes it about halfway before he’s pelted with ice-cold rain, but the clothes Limestone gave him protect much of his body from the chill of the wind. Eventually, he manages to get inside, laughing as he does so.
“Hoo, it’s really coming down out there!” He waits for a response, but it never comes. “...Limestone?” Walking further inside, he peers into the kitchen. Sure enough, it’s completely empty. With a confused tilt of his head, he decides to check out the living room, only to find that it, too, is empty. “Limestone? You here?”
The house isn’t very big. Following the bathroom, the only places left to look are the bedrooms. After trudging up the stairs, he’s able to confirm that they are also devoid of any grumpy mares.
Huh. I’ve never beaten her back here before.
With a shrug of his shoulders, he leisurely saunters back down the stairs.
Oh, well. I’m sure she’ll catch up once she’s done in the…
He freezes. For a moment, his brain shuts down completely. Slowly, his eyes turn to a nearby window, focusing intently on the thunderstorm beating down on the farm.
“...Quarry.”
He feels a chill run down his spine. It takes him a while to come to terms with the fear coursing through his body. Limestone herself said just days ago that it’s exceedingly dangerous to be in or around the quarry when it’s raining. Couple that with her being uncharacteristically late, and it’s not difficult for him to imagine the worst.
Suddenly, his legs start to move on their own, carrying him out the door, across the damp, rainy field, and onto the ridge overlooking the quarry. Said quarry is circular, with a path winding along the walls in a gradual decline towards the bottom. The quarry reaches a good two-hundred feet down, and he can already see water collecting near the bottom.
Throwing caution to the wind, he books it towards the spiraling path. Although he tries to run down the slope, it proves to be too slick to get good footing on his way down. While he slips every few steps, he still manages to maintain his balance.
“Limestone!”
He calls out over the pouring rain, roaring wind, and thundering clouds as he descends. He hears nothing, and it’s likely that she didn’t hear him, either. Suddenly, the ground beneath one of his feet gives out. Not expecting such to happen, he falls to the ground below as his leg is buried almost to the knee. Meanwhile, his other leg painfully slams against the ground in front of him. His hisses as he grabs at the ground beneath him, forcefully prying his leg out of the hole. It’s a miracle that his little mishap didn’t turn out worse, but he’s too concerned for Limestone to appreciate that fact.
Now choosing his footing much more carefully, he gingerly makes his way down the rest of the decline. Now at the bottom of the quarry, he looks around the scattered stones and boulders in search of Limestone.
“Limestone!” Once again, he gets no response. “Damn it, where are you?!”
“Anon?!”
His head whips to the left.
“It’s me!”
Fighting through the pouring rain and water that has pooled almost to his knees, he manages to force his way between two large rocks in the direction of her voice. It’s only after he’s pushed one to the side that he finally sees her.
Being much shorter than he is, the collecting water looks much more harrowing, having risen nearly to her stomach. More concerning than that, however, is the massive stone on top of her. It appears to have toppled over as a result of the water, and she just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The stone is nearly twenty feet long and six feet in diameter. She’s managing to hold it with both of her front hooves, but her back hooves are only barely supporting her beneath the brown, muddy water that only continues to rise.
“Limestone!”
“Wh-what are you doing down here?!”
“Helping you!”
“I-I don’t… gah!”
Finally, one of her hooves slips. The stone begins to plummet, even as her forehooves attempt to hold it back. If she were alone for a moment more, it would have crushed her. However, it takes Anon less than a second to throw himself beneath the boulder at her side, his own arms working to hold the stone back in her stead.
“I’m getting you out of here!”
“Anon, this whole thing is made of tonneite! We can’t move it!”
“Yes we can! Now push!”
“What do you think I’m doing?! Your human arms can’t do this like I can! You’re just going to get crushed with me!”
“No! I’m not gonna leave you alone!”
“I–”
“Stop trying to carry your burdens by yourself!” Limestone momentarily freezes at his words, but she refocuses as she feels the weight of the stone once more. “Now, push!”
Not willing to argue any further, Limestone presses back with all of her might. While her efforts at doing so previously went nowhere, she’s shocked to see the rock lean back ever so slightly.
“Again!”
Another push. Once again, the stone leans back another inch or two. They’re still trapped, but they’re making progress.
“Just a little more!”
“Anon?!”
He glances down at Limestone. The water has risen nearly halfway up her torso. It will likely only take a minute more to reach her chin at this rate.
“Just keep pushing!”
“I can’t–”
“You’re getting out of here!”
With another push, the stone moves again. It’s nearly upright now, but not quite there.
“One more time!”
Finally, with one last push, a crashing sound echoes throughout the quarry. The stone’s weight shifts back onto itself, and it falls down in the other direction. Such a large object crashing to the ground forces Anon to take a step back on instinct, but as it hits the water on the other side, his eyes go wide. Limestone, who has to struggle to keep her head above the water, watches in horror as the fallen stone displaces said water further, causing it to rise even more. Just as she is about to be swept underneath it, she feels herself being lifted out of the murky mess.
“Let’s go.”
“Anon?”
Now carrying the sopping-wet mare, Anon trudges through the water that is now past his waist. He walks with extreme difficulty, doing his best to avoid the now-submerged stones littered throughout the quarry. The pouring rain and wicked wind feel like needles on his face, but he continues to push onward. Finally, he makes it to the path that spirals up and out of the quarry. Slowly ascending, he is able to emerge from the collected rainwater and sets Limestone back on her hooves, his breathing strained and heavy all the while.
“Let… let’s get to the house.”
“Y-yeah.”
Near the back wall of the living room, Anon pokes and prods at the recently lit fire. Taking a deep breath as he finally feels satisfied in his work, he takes a step back and places himself on the ground next to Limestone. Both are draped in towels, and both shiver as they relish the feeling of the fire on their cold, wet bodies.
For a long while they sit in relative silence, content to wordlessly stare into the crackling fire. It isn’t until Anon lets out a sneeze that Limestone voluntarily sighs.
“Thank you.”
“You’re–”
“You shouldn’t have had to see that.”
“I… what?”
She hesitates before continuing, her eyes trained exclusively on the fire before her.
“This is my farm. I know the rules. Heck, I make the rules. And I decided not to follow them.” She lets out a long, drawn-out groan. “And look where that got me.”
“How did you get stuck down there?”
“Remember those rubies I mentioned?”
“Of course.”
“I found some more of them today. I knew that if I let the rain come in, they might get washed away or lost by the time I head back down tomorrow. The next thing I knew, it was too late.”
“That’s a reasonable mistake to make. I think anyone would have–”
“Not me!” She finally turns to face him. Her green eyes are wide and misty, almost pleading. She looks ashamed. Apologetic. Scared. “This is the one thing I can do! This is what I’ve done my whole life! This is what I will do my whole life! This… this is all that I am.”
Limestone isn’t one to show fear or sadness, especially around others. Perhaps this is why Anon feels a weight settling in his chest at the sight of tears running down her cheeks.
“Limestone…”
“This is what my parents wanted me to be. This is what my cutie mark tells me to be. I’m not smart like Maud or Marble. I’m not good with other ponies like Pinkie. I can’t get a boyfriend for Celestia’s sake!” She slams her hoof on the ground, and the wood beneath her audibly cracks as she does so. “And I can’t even do this right–!”
Limestone’s teary eyes widen once again as Anon suddenly leans towards her. She feels herself being pulled into his chest, her sopping-wet coat pressed firmly against his equally wet chest. His arms wrap around her as he squeezes her towel-wrapped form against his own.
“That’s enough.”
“Anon…”
“Just breathe.”
Anon says nothing else. He holds her tight as the two sit in relative silence once more. After a few seconds, the silence is broken by her sobs. She buries her face in his chest, letting her tears run freely in front of someone else for the first time in her life. Anon understands that there are many long-standing repressed emotions coming to light all at once.
Right now, she needs a chance to let it all out.
Neither are sure quite how long they remain like that. By the time Limestone finally pulls away, they’re both mostly dry. She wipes at her tears using the back of her hoof before looking up at him once again.
“S-sorry you had to see that.”
“It’s okay, Limestone. It seems like you really needed it.”
“A-anyway… thank you.”
“I’m happy to help. That’s what I’m here for, after all.”
“Hm?”
“Wasn’t that the whole point? Pinkie brought me here to support you now that you’re on your own, and you kept me here to help out around the farm until I can go home. No matter how you slice it, I’m here to support you.”
“...Tsk.” For the first time in a while, Limestone smiles. “Oh, shut up. You don’t even want to be here.”
“I’m not sure about that anymore.”
“Excuse me?”
“I don’t know. I feel… fulfilled, I guess. I’ve got something to work towards. I’ve got a roof over my head and food to fill myself with. Plus, I’m in good company.” He gives her a big grin, and she doesn’t try to hide her own. “All in all, I don’t think it’s so bad out here.”
“...Hehe. Well, I’m glad you think so. You picked up on what to do really fast. Heh, if you hadn’t, I might have been gravel by now.”
“I had a good teacher.” He gives her a wink.
“Sh-shut up.”
“You know, you’ve been smiling a lot more lately.”
“Y-you don’t need to point that out. Besides, so have you.”
“I guess having someone like you around will do that.”
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were hitting on me.”
“I will neither confirm nor deny.”
Limestone’s face goes beet red, something that has become a semi-frequent occurrence by now. After hesitating for a moment, she awkwardly clears her throat.
“W-well either way, it’s getting pretty late, don’t you think?”
“Yeah.” Anon glances out the window. The rain has yet to slow down, even late into the night. “But I think I’d prefer to stay by the fire a bit longer.”
Limestone says nothing as she follows his gaze out the window. Her attention then shifts back to the fire, which she stares into for a long while. Slowly, she leans over as she watches the flames dance, her head eventually resting on Anon’s arm.
“I think I’d like that, too.”
“Well, well. Look who’s slacking off on their last day!”
Limestone leisurely trots towards Anon, who is lazily sitting on one of the less rotten sections of the fence surrounding his assigned field. Her voice carries a joking, comedic tone, and the grin on her face is more playful than anything. He turns to face her, his expression quickly going from surprised to excited.
“Heya, Limestone.”
“What’s got you sitting by yourself out here? Thinking about how much you’re gonna miss the old farm?”
“Nah, just admiring my work.”
She stops for a moment as her smile goes from playful to warm.
“Didn’t think I’d be hearing that out of you, but I get it. You probably made some solid progress with the rate you were… going…”
Limestone trails off, her eyes going wide and her mouth hanging open. Having finally reached the fence, she peers past Anon at the field of rocks and stone. Or, more accurately, the field that doesn’t have a single rock or stone in it anymore.
Her gaze slowly shifts from the barren field to Anon. He stares back at her with a cocky grin, prompting her to continue turning her head until she’s facing the field next to the train tracks. Sure enough, thousands upon thousands of rocks are piled high, and they’re even organized by type.
“I finished the job, just like you asked.”
“You… you weren’t supposed to…” Limestone closes her eyes and shakes her head. When she’s done, she looks back up once again. Sure enough, the work is still done. “I-I don’t know what to say.”
“How about, ‘Wow, Anon, you’re so cool! You were right about everything and I shouldn’t have doubted you for a second!’”
“Don’t push your luck.”
With a roll of her eyes, Limestone hops up on the fence next to Anon. He barely has time to open his mouth in protest before the wood gives out beneath them, sending them into a dusty, wooden pile on the ground. They glance at each other before simultaneously erupting into a fit of laughter.
“We’ve gotta make a new fence at some point,” he lightheartedly mentions as he struggles to stand up and offers Limestone a hand.
“Maybe that should be next on the priority list,” she chuckles as she accepts his help in getting back on her hooves. “W-wait, ‘we?’ There is no ‘we,’ you’re going home tomorrow.”
“...Right.” To Limestone’s surprise, Anon lets out a long, drawn-out sigh as he stretches his back. He looks to the orange sky, a distant longing visible in his eyes. “Home.”
“W-well, despite my expectations, I really did love having you here.”
“And I loved being here a lot more than I thought I would.”
“Hah! Never thought I’d hear that coming from a non-Pie.”
“Hey, it’s not my fault you’re so endearing!”
“M-me? You’re the one that–” Limestone cuts herself off as her cheeks redden, hesitant to finish her thought. “There’s more to this farm than me, ya know.”
“Yeah, but I really do like it here, I think.” He looks back down at Limestone, his smile warm and genuine. “It’s a lot more fulfilling than anything I’ve ever done before. I feel like I’m really accomplishing something, not to mention the insane benefits it’s had on my health. It’s quiet, and I prefer it like that. Heck, I even like the nature around here. Sure, it’s a bit plain, but it’s also peaceful, and that just makes the occasional poor weather all the more inviting. And don’t even get me started on the home life!”
“Home life?”
“This place is a bit of a fixer-upper, but that just makes me want to make it better. Plus, it… well, it feels like home. After finishing my work, I come back to a good meal, good company, and a good night’s sleep. It’s a simple life, but honestly, I don’t think I’ve been this happy in ages.”
“...Eheh.” Limestone sniffles, and Anon only now notices her eyes growing misty. She’s smiling through the tears, as if she’s just heard the greatest news of her life. She wipes the slowly forming tears with the back of her hoof before responding. “I’m glad you’re finally seeing things my way.”
“I-I didn’t think it’d have such an impact on you. Are you okay?”
“I-I’m fine!” She sniffles again. To Anon’s surprise, she closes the gap between them. Unlike her usual strong, somewhat violent mannerisms, she gets on her hind legs and wraps her arms around his waist with gentleness and care. Anon stands awkwardly, not quite sure how to respond. “You’re the first person… pony… anything to say something like that.”
“...” He remains silent for a long, tense moment. Finally, she feels him begin to kneel down before returning the hug properly. “Hey, Limestone?”
“Wh-what?”
“Do you think it might be possible for me to stay here?”
“...Yes, but you might not like it.”
“Why is that?”
“Pie family law. If you’re not family and it’s not an emergency, you can’t stay without reason.”
“Can’t you make an exception? P-please?”
“No. If anything, I agree with my parents on this one.”
“I… I see.”
“But.” Limestone breaks the embrace, leaning back to look Anon in the eyes. Her own are serious, but they’re shaky and uncertain. “Y-you could stay if you fit within those rules.”
“And how would you propose I do that?”
“...’Propose’ is an appropriate word, actually.”
“Hellooooooooooooooo Limestone~! And hello to you too, my new brother-in-law!”
Pinkie Pie throws the front door of the farmhouse open with a big, toothy grin on her face. It’s the break of dawn, and the first train since the beginning of the off season just arrived with her on it.
“Hi, Pinkie.”
“Hey, Ponk.”
“...Uhh, hi?”
Anon and Limestone sit next to each other at the kitchen table. Before them are two perfectly round stones small enough to fit in one hoof. Pinkie looks at Limestone, then at the stones, then at Anon, then back at the stones. Then, in standard Pinkie fashion, she leaps into the air while gasping loudly, boldly defying the laws of physics to do so.
“Are those ceremonial Pie family engagement rocks?!”
“Yeah.”
“You actually did get married?!”
“Yeah.”
“Right here?!”
“Yeah.”
“And you didn’t even invite me?!”
“We wanted a small wedding.”
“Small is an understatement! You didn’t even tell Mom and Dad!”
“No offense, but is the party planner really going to tell us how to conduct our own wedding?”
“I… uh…” Pinkie stumbles over herself, her demeanor immediately becoming embarrassed due to her outburst. After a moment, she clears her throat before allowing her ever-popular smile to return to her face. Then, without warning, she throws herself at the two of them, wrapping an arm around each of their necks. “I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!”
“C-come on, Pinkie, let go.”
“I can’t breathe.”
“Whoops!” Pinkie lets go, but makes no effort to back away from the pair. “Still, I can’t believe my plan actually worked! Ooo, you’re gonna be so happy together!”
“You know what, Pinkie?” Limestone stands from her seat and places a hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder, catching her off guard. “As much as I hate to say this, you’re right. It’s been a long while since I haven’t felt completely miserable all the time. Now it’s just a fraction of the time.”
“Aww, Limestone!”
“That said.” Limestone leans forward, her face immediately going stone cold as her wide, intimidating eyes stare daggers into Pinkie’s own. “If you ever try something like that again, I will personally see to it that Cheese Sandwich understands what it’s like to work on a rock farm for a month straight.”
“Uhh, Limestone? He wouldn’t last a day out here.” Limestone doesn’t move. She doesn’t have to move, as Pinkie’s eyes end up drifting towards Anon anyway, who glares back at her with an unamused expression. “P-point taken.”
“Anyway,” Limestone says nonchalantly as she lets Pinkie go and returns to her seat at the table. “We’re going on our honeymoon next month.”
“Ooooo, I can–”
“You’re not planning our honeymoon, Pinkie.”
“Aww.”
“Hey, uh, Pinkie?” Anon speaks up for the first time in a while, his voice calm and inquisitive. “Doesn’t the next train leave in, like, a minute?”
“Oh shoot, you’re right!”
Pinkie suddenly sprints out the door, leaving behind a Pinkie-shaped cloud of dust where she once stood. Then, seconds later, she returns just as swiftly to plant a quick kiss on both Limestone and Anon’s cheeks before zooming out again.
“Does she always do that?”
“Yeah, you’d better get used to it.”
“Oh, I almost forgot!” Pinkie zips back inside once more, her expression frantic and somewhat excited. “Do I need to bring you anything from Ponyville next time I come over? You have been isolated for a month straight!”
“Can you tell my boss that I quit? And my landlord that I’ve moved out?” Anon smiles as he speaks, clearly humored by his own words.
“I’m pretty sure there’s more paperwork involved than that, but sure!”
“Oh, and Pinkie?” Limestone’s gravelly voice rings out just before her sister can sprint back out the door. “Can you pick up a washing machine for us?”
“Sure thing!”
With one final salute followed by an excited wave, Pinkie disappears for the final time through the door. Despite her speed, it closes gently behind her like nothing was ever wrong. Slowly, Anon turns towards his new wife.
“A washing machine?”
“Consider it a honeymoon gift.”
Without any hesitation, Anon pulls Limestone into a hug. She can’t withhold her smile as she lets him pull her against his chest.
“Still, it feels really weird marrying you just like that.”
“Why?”
“We only met a month ago. A-and we’ve barely done what takes some couples months to do, which is usually years before they get married!”
“Eh.”
“Eh?!”
“That’s just how the Pies have always done it. Work hard, rest well, love passionately. Those are the core tenets of Pie family law.”
“Wow. That last one feels a little out of place, don’t you–!”
Just as he caught her off guard with a sudden hug, so too does she catch him off guard by pressing her lips against his own. He instinctively retreats at first, but gradually allows himself to melt into the kiss, reinforcing his grip on her all the while. The two stay like that for some time, neither knowing or caring quite how long it takes for them to separate again. When they do, they’re gasping for air, a trail of saliva connecting their mouths.
“...W-wow.”
“Still feel out of place?”
“No, that… that makes sense.”
“Eheh. Did I go too far?”
“No, I liked that a lot, I think.” He sheepishly rubs the back of his head before continuing. “Maybe this law can stay as-is.”
“Great. Now, come on.”
With his hand in her hoof, Limestone stands from the table and practically drags Anon across the kitchen and up the stairs.
“Where are we going?”
“Bedroom.”
“Wh-what for?” Anon asks as he feels his face growing hot.
“Now that we’re married, there’s another Pie family law we have to consider.”
“And that is?”
“The family matron has to have at least three foals as soon as she can after marriage.”
“F-foals?”
“Eeyup. Though, I am thinking of changing that particular law.” Behind his newly wedded wife, Anon breathes a sigh of relief. “It might be more helpful to bump that number up to five.”
This mare is trying to kill me.
“Oh, I need you to sign this waiver first,” Limestone says as she passes a paper that had been resting on her bedside table to Anon, who anxiously covers himself up with bed sheets next to her.
“What for?”
“It just says you won’t try to sue me or file for a divorce if I accidentally turn your pelvic bone into gravel.” A cold sweat runs down his brow as he signs his name, his hand trembling all the while. “Oh, Anon?”
“Yeah?”
Limestone closes her eyes and gives him another quick peck on the lips.
“I love you.”
“...Yeah.” Feeling a warmth spreading across his body, he sets the waiver off to the side and kisses her right back. “I love you too.”
With that, the two share a loving, passionate day together. While not the most conventional couple in the world, they’re sure to have a long, fulfilling life together on the Pie Family Farm.
And maybe next time, Limestone will last more than thirty seconds.
Author's Note
This is by far the longest one-shot I've ever written. 
As always, I appreciate any and all feedback!
