Scientific Method

by ruinology

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance, Comedy, Profanity
Length: 11170

Twilight has a problem, and the worst part was? The problem was her.

Blushing? Pulse quickening? Nervousness? There could only be two reason for that: either Twilight Sparkle has a heart disease or something else was wrong with her. And that something has to do with Rainbow Dash. It was now up to Twilight and her disgruntled assistant Spike to study this complication. With a bit of research and the power of friendship, the day will be saved!

Published 2024-04-21 18:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-04-28 02:35:31 UTC

Observation

Twilight Sparkle had a problem.

Nothing surprising, nothing new. Just your daily run-of-the-mill life in Ponyville, some daily crap she deals for about eight times a week. She and her friends should get paid for this honestly— if not for them, the world would've been turned into some post-apocalyptic mess or under the management of some power hungry villain that has their brain on their ass.

Fortunately— or unfortunately, depending on the angle— her problem right now wasn't anything like that, it was more of a friendship problem than anything.

Well, specifically a psychological, friendship problem. And hey, Twilight was mostly the problem, so it wasn't that bad.

( Or well, she'd like to think so at least. )

She honestly didn't know why it began, but she could roughly pinpoint when it began.

It was a sunny day in Ponyville then, the summer sun beating down the citizens harshly, almost crippling them to death.

The sweltering temperature she was experiencing almost pushed her to write a letter to her mentor and beg her please, for the love of all citizens of Equestria, lower the sun and lengthen the night just this once, but Twilight knew it would be a futile task. The Princess would probably say something about for the greater good— ugh— and the balance she needs to maintain— double ugh— or some stuff about responsibilities and powers— triple ugh— but does that really matter?

In the face of the monstrous solar sun, will they take note of the good and and the just? Would they consider the balance?

A resounding no, but she'd probably be turned to ashes by the time she got to the Princess and begged her for a swift death. On a positive side note, she was sure that Princess Celestia would now lengthen the night time after the death of millions. Hooray for the next generation!

And all it took was an entire race to be wiped out. Talk about a steal.

"What'cha thinkin' about, egghead?"

A familiar voice wormed its way into her ears towards her pounding head, snapping her out of her reverie. Not bothering to look up, she answered: "consequentialism, extinction, and the sun. You know, fun stuff."

That got a chuckle from the rainbow maned pony, who was probably a few feet above the ground, bathing in the summer sun as if it literally wasn't burning Twilight alive. Then, as if the Gods were gracing her, her shadow fell over her brittle and weak form, shielding her from the sunbeam, good enough to make her feel relieved, but still not enough to protect her from the ferocious attack of the heat.

It was better than nothing. At least, when they found her body, it wouldn't be a pile of ashes; it'd just be badly sun burnt and utterly dehydrated. They could still recognize her, and she'd get a pretty little tombstone for her noble, albeit failed, pursuit of heroism. She'd like the words in her tombstone to atleast reference Icarus, something-something about flying to close to the sun. Something-something about falling from grace. Maybe she should start investing in wax wings for accuracy's sake. She knows the literature loving ponies would tremendously love her limb-accurate portrayal.

Rarity should have some good idea about this. Though she doubts she'd find it as amusing as she did. Not her fault she got so wrapped up with her butterfly wings.

"So boring, nerdy stuff. C'mon Sparkle, It's practically so bright outside it's blinding and you're still being an egghead? Lighten up!" Rainbow Dash playfully taunted, no doubt a wide grin plastered on her face. "Whad'ya say you watch me practice huh? I just finished warming up and I'm ready to go!" She seemed to flap her wings in a way that sent a chill breeze to her, and if it weren't for that, Twilight would've been thoroughly irritated right now— she still was, just not as much.

"Trust me, Rainbow, I am light. So light, in fact, I am on fire. I am hot. Burning even. Like I'm tied to a funeral pyre and the flames are slowly crawling towards me, about to engulf me whole." Twilight rambled coherently, each syllable pronounced with an obvious edge. "Actually, speaking of light, I have a bright idea! How about you do me a favor, pick up a few stones and throw it at me so we could recreate the fifteenth century Equinean Witch Hunt right now!" She was gesturing animatedly now, frustration dripping in her words.

"The Equi-what now?" When she was about to correct her, Rainbow Dash quickly spoke again, "actually don't answer that, that was a rhino— rheto—" she groaned, and Twilight could practically envision her nose scrunched up in annoyance, "radical— whatever— question. And I'm not going to throw stones at you, that's so not-cool." Then, as an afterthought, she added, "'cause, wouldn't that be murder? That's so lame. If I got jailed for that, I wouldn't be able to get to the Wonderbolts." She scoffed, and Twilight was stuck wondering if she was reassuring her or giving her a possible defence in case she got accused of murder in the future.

The first thought on her mind should probably be concern about the fact that Rainbow thinks murder is lame just because she wouldn't become part of the Wonderbolt, but honestly? She gets it, you know? Not getting to the Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns because she committed homicide would suck real bad, or— in her words— lame.

"First of all, it's rhetorical," she corrected, rolling her eyes before trailing it up to look at Rainbow Dash. She was about to lecture her about the wrong usage of the word, but she felt her throat parch up when magenta eyes met her purple ones, and she swore something was different then, as if she got struck by epiphany. The feeling crawled to her nerves, limbs, then towards her heart with fire trailing on its wake, leaving her to suppress a shiver.

"And second," she tried to continue, but her voice trailed off. Was Rainbow this . . . pleasing to look at? Not to mention, in comparison to her, she was well toned, muscles visible on her body when she shifted just enough. Well built, if she says so herself, perfectly complimenting the cocky demeanor nicely.

Twilight felt tips of her ears warm up, slowly creeping to her cheeks as she forced herself to think of other things other than the pony in front of her. This was weird. Weirder than when she stumbled to Princess Celestia doing the rendition of Ronello and Julia to herself in the Throne Room by herself.

"Uh, Sparkle?" Rainbow Dash snapped her out of her state of awakening. "You okay? You just stopped talking suddenly. Heat got your egg brain scrambled?" Despite the playful tone, there was concern flickering in her eyes.

You're using rhetorical wrong. And I'm fine, it's just so hot right now. "You're uh, hot." She was few words short but she had to commence herself for being able to speak through the dreamy haze she seemed to got stuck into.

Rainbow Dash looked taken aback. "What?"

Twilight Sparkle immediately recovered. "I mean you look hot." She cringed, grimacing at herself. Yeah, no, that didn't make it better. "Like, temperature-wise. You look like you're thirty nine degrees Celsius, Dash." She blabbered, hearing her heart beat in her ears. Could Rainbow hear it? She hopes not. "Are you okay? Did you drink water today? I told you, drink every after practice. You're going to get yourself sent to the hospital if you continue like this."

Ignore, deflect and chastise, perfect.

Rainbow looked startled as the whole conversation just suddenly turned to her. "I drank two bottles of water after I warmed up—" she emphasized, "—today!" She says, indiginant. "So I look hot, so what? I just look hot, but I'm actually not. I'm pretty cool right now. So cool in fact I'm practically the ruler of coolness!"

She ignored Rainbow's ramblings and distracted her even more by checking her temperature through touching her forehead just to really sell the act, and, surprisingly enough, it felt hot. Congratulations to her! If the Princess doesn't banish her for acting like a total, blundering, idiot right now, Twilight could always resort to being a Psychic or a fortune teller. She had enough knowledge of astrology and her stellar aesthetic was perfect down to the t. The entirety of the fortune teller community should watch out, Twilight the . . . Terrific was coming.

The name could use a bit of tweaking.

"You're so warm, are you sure you don't have a fever?" She asked, actually concerned. She shouldn't be out and about during this weather, it's practically like her begging to have a heat stroke! Twilight voiced her worries, "you shouldn't be out here practicing— you should be home in your cold room and resting!"

Rainbow Dash groaned, leaning towards her, few of her locks falls on her face and framing it perfectly. She had to stop the urge to tuck her rainbow strands behind her ear. "Quit naggin' Sparkles, 'm not sick. It's probably 'cause I just finished my stretching, y'know. My body's probably try'na overcompensate with how awesome I am." She subtly flexed her muscles, flashing her a cocky smirk.

As Rainbow stared at her well earned gains, so did Twilight, though she quickly looked away when magenta eyes focused back on her.

"You're right." She said absentmindedly, then backtracking before Rainbow could even realize what she said and have her ego inflate. "I should stop nagging. It's probably just because of the temperature today and your training that's why you uh, look hot." Twilight ignored the subtle double meaning she practically said. "Still though, take care of yourself. You know I worry about you."

"I know, I know," she relented, "but I'm as tough as I look! A little heat never hurt anypony."

At the tip of her tounge, a lecture and reprimand was about to roll out before she stopped herself. Rainbow Dash might be as stubborn as she comes, but the mare took her training seriously enough to not push herself to the brink of exhaustion despite her recklessness and carefreeness. It would be of no use to lecture her any further. Still, she couldn't help but worry all the same.

"I know you're tough." She said instead of nagging her once again, knowing that she'll never relent, "but even Wonderbolts take a break here and then. Pinkie Promise me you'll take care of yourself?" She couldn't help the affection that tinge her voice, which was totally normal for a concerned friend.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, but still she conceded. "Yeah, yeah. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." She recited with a tone that sounded less than amused, but Twilight could see the fondness in her gaze as she stared at her. "I'll take it easy just for you. But only because you asked so nicely!"

Just for you.

And oh, if that didn't stir something within her when she said that. Something soft and warm, yet sharp all the same. Every inch of her skin thrummed like a war drum, every beat sending a rush of adrenaline throughout her body. She wondered if Rainbow Dash could feel this emotion that flowed through her, the feeling that tethered between sunrise and sunset: twilight. She felt it for her. Only for her.

This feeling was new and it fascinated her. Twilight wanted to know about it, consume everything about it and exhale every single bit and—

"I have to go now, Rainbow. It was nice talking to you."

"Did I say something—" she could hear Rainbow's voice tinged with a slight shake. Of fear? Of nervousness? She didn't want to find out, swiftly turning her heel in the other direction and she walked away. She didn't know why, but a part of her screamed and told her to run. She didn't understand it, didn't know what the hell was happening to her but she was sure about one thing.

It was just the heat, that's all.

Despite the fact that days have passed already, the nemory still pops in her head, in and out like an unwanted visitor. Worst part was it consumed her waking thoughts, like an unsolvable equation. An itch she couldn't scratch. And many more metaphors that she can't think of right now just to showcase how annoying it was.

She repressed it, pushed it down and ignored it despite the fact she wanted it to make sense— and it worked! For the most part. The past few days, she would talk and interact with Rainbow Dash and it all seemed fine. Typical even.

A brief tingle might run to her but that was all. A minute. A flash. They didn't mention that day, but she could see, in the corner of her eyes, that the pegasus seemed hesitant towards her, thought it was covered by her brashness. The cusp of her eyes seemed to contain something she couldn't read, a hint of longing in her gaze. For what? For whom? The question constantly barraged her night, but she pretended that nothing was out of place. That everything was normal.

Until one quiet night.

She was lounging quietly on the balcony of her tree house. It was peaceful, except for the occasional sounds of animals chirping or moving around. The moon provided enough light for her to be able to read her book, though a candle still stood beside her, melting the wax and fading into a puddle of hot liquid.

It was then interrupted by a loud crash just beside her, barely missing the candle.

She didn't have to look to know who it was— the rainbow entrails and the blue feather was enough of a indication.

"Are you okay, Rainbow?"

Twilight turned to her friend, who's face was scrunched into a frown.

"Fine." She reassured. "Nothing can bring me down."

"A wall certainly did." She replied dryly, before deciding to move towards the hopefully uninjured mare. Looking at her closely, it doesn't seem as if there are any bumps or bruises on her. She didn't seem hurt, nor did she garner any injury, though she could argue her ego probably had few brusing. She doesn't need to worry about it however, just a few compliments could heal that well enough.

"Well, a wall ain't nothing, Sparkle, It's something. Something bigger than you could'a imagine. You can't underestimate them; look at how it managed to harm someone as great as me!"

She stared at her with barely concealed amusement. "Ah yes, forgive me for my ignorance. How could I forget that among the many enemies of our nation, the wall stood the greatest among them!" She exclaimed with false vigor. "The horror they instilled! The fear they spread!"

"You get me now Sparkle." Rainbow Dash says dramatically. "Now that you see what I see, how about you join me and embark on a journey to bring every wall down!"

"Of course. I am nothing if not a patriot."

That seemed to be the last push, making them dissolve into fits of laughter. Something about it felt so peaceful— she never wanted it to end. It took them a few moments before they can compose themselves, an air of comfortable silence hanging over them. It was Twilight who broke it.

"So, what were you really doing, Rainbow?" She said, glancing back at the mare who was comfortably setting herself down the wooden floor.

She shrugged casually. "The usual, duh." She paused, as if considering something before adding: "well . . . I was supposed to be out for a night flight but I got jittery so I went to practice."

"And then you crashed?" She continued, raising a brow as she looked at the pegasus.

Rainbow Dash looked offended at her comment. "It wasn't my fault! I was just whooshing and zooming around everywhere, but then, wham! I accidentally got into the dark part of the town and I had to maneuver in the pitch dark! Can you imagine doing that? And then, I guess that kinda led me here . . ." She finished her story with a sheepish smile on her face. "Sorry about crashing." She grimaced. "Again."

"Well at least it isn't the bookshelf this time." She relented. Twilight just couldn't stay mad at the mare, she was far too adorable— in a totally cool way and not in a lame kinda way.

"Dont worry, I'll go back to my daily schedule tomorrow." Rainbow Dash flashed her a grin.

"Don't you dare." She warned. Then, an idea popped into her head. "If you do that, I won't let you borrow the latest Daring Do series."

Rainbow looked panicked. "You wouldn't dare, Sparkles." Her challenging demeanor disappeared as she looked at her imploringly. "Right?"

It took her a few good minute before her mask of seriousness cracked, laughing with delight. She wouldn't be so cruel as to take away one of her best friend's guilty pleasure.

"Of course I am." She says in a sing-song voice. "I was kidding, I'd never do that."

Rainbow Dash grinned in relief, though she could uneasiness in her shoulders that suggested she thought she was serious. "Of course you wouldn't." She echoed.

For a good measure, Twilight bumped into the mare. "How about I let you borrow it tomorrow morning?"

The pegasus' wing flapped behind her as she looked at her with unbridled excitement. "Really?"

She nodded. "Really."

Rainbow Dash did a mid-air flip. "Awesome!" She whooped in delight. "You're the best, Sparkles."

She smiled back at her, genuine and soft, before it dropped. Twilight bit her lips and looked down as if troubled. Rainbow Dash immediately noticed the change in her demeanor, pushing her to drop down and stand eye to eye with Twilight.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

Twilight opened her mouth before closing it once again, giving her a tight lipped smile. "It's— it's nothing, just a silly thought."

"It's not silly if you're worrying over it, egghead." She says. "So c'mon, what is it?"

"I was wondering why do you keep calling me Sparkle instead of Twilight or even Twilight Sparkle." When she didn't receive an answer, Twilight sighed before shaking her head, as if it would make her concern go away. "See, it's stupid—"

"Nah." Rainbow Dash cut her off. "I told ya, if it bothers you, it's not stupid." She bumped her head gently against hers, making her startled. That seemed like a pseudo nuzzle of sorts, wasn't it? Did she want to nuzzle? Twilight found herself unopposed to the idea. "And, to answer your question, I call you Sparkle 'cause it rolls off the tounge better. And Twilight is just way too—" she scrunched her nose, as if trying to figure something out, "round. It's boring. Uninteresting. Sparkle on the other hand is spiky and way cooler to say." She was now moving animatedly while explaining, as if she was making sense. "Ya get me?"

"I guess?" She replied, unsure.

"That didn't convince you huh?"

Twilight sighed. "I can't help it. I get what you're trying to say, really, but it's just— well, you call our other friends by their first name. Going by your logic, shouldn't Rarity and Fluttershy be spiky too?"

"There's nothing else to call 'em. And besides, the roundness fits their personality." Rainbow continued. "You, Applejack and Pinkie is spiky. And before you ask why I also call her Pie, it's because her last name is like, super rad."

Twilight took her time to process what Rainbow said before hesitantly speaking. "So, to sum it all up, you call me Sparkle because I'm spiky and it's cooler, and Twilight just doesn't fit me because it's lame and round."

"I didn't say it's lame—"

"You implied it."

"—but, yeah. Basically."

"That doesn't make—" she struggled for a minute before she continued, "you know what? I get it. In a Rainbow-sense, it's comprehensible." She relented.

"You mean awesome-sense, but whatever. Rainbow and awesome are the same too if ya think about it."

"That it is." Twilight indulged. "Though, one day, you're going to use my first name."

"Is that a challenge, egghead?"

"And what if it is?"

Rainbow looked at her with a cocky grin. "Well, prepare to lose!"

That got a laugh from her. "I wonder how I'll make you say it though." She mused out loud. "If you fell in love with me, perhaps?" She joked, turning to look at Rainbow Dash to tease her, but the pegasus seemed frozen in place.

"Wha— that's— uh—" she spluttered, unable to make a full sentence as if something was stuck on her throat.

"Rainbow? Are you okay?" She asked, looking at the mare in worry. As she moved closer towards her, the pegasus inched away to avoid her.

When she was about to speak again, Rainbow finally spoke up.

"It was nice talking to ya, T— Sparkles. Goodnight!" Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. She couldn't even say goodbye as the pegasus bolted away, leaving a trail of rainbow entrails. Twilight was left in the balcony, alone with the company of herself, the stars and cacophony of questions in her mind.

The silence hung around her, before something else washed over her. Something warm yet uncomfortable. It was foreign and all encompassing, a promising whisper that told her she could fly but its weight was holding her down. She didn't know what it was, and her mind scratched and repeated her not to know about it. There was fear on her heart at the uncertainty, her fight or flight response triggered, but she was determined.

Twilight Sparkle has to know about it. This strange blooming sensation was taking over her, and if she doesn't understand it, she'll be forever lost and bumbling around like an idiot. She has to try, not only for herself but also for Rainbow Dash.

And she'll do anything for Rainbow Dash.

With that thought in mind, she blew the candle and headed inside her library, were dozen of thoughts wrapped around her. Tomorrow, she promised, she'll start figuring it all out tomorrow. But today, she'll let the strange feeling wrap around her like an embrace, and let herself settle softly.

Author's Note

I took a few liberties in both of their personality, but I hope they stay true to their canon personalities. I also littered some few headcanons here and there. This story is basically more of a rambling in my part and probably very self-indulgent than anything. I also posted this in ao3 but I wanted to focus on the fandom itself specifically because reasons.

Question

"...so that's why, I have a problem."

That was the last words of Twilight's presentation to Spike, who was seated in a wooden chair. She expected a range of reactions, boredom, mild interest, apathy— hell, she even expects him sleeping, but what she didn't expect was two pairs of green eyes staring at her with unbidden worry.

"I know, Twi." Spike says in an empathetic voice, as if talking to a wounded creature. Twilight visibly recoiled when she heard it. She knew that her problem was something that should be righteously concerned about, but not to this point of concern. "It's hard, but the first step to overcoming this is admitting you have a problem. I'm glad you're brave enough to speak about it and share it with me."

Twilight blinked, unsure if she should be offended or not. So, after everything she literally said, that was the conclusion he came down to? "Spike, are we on the same wavelength right now? I said I have a problem, not I have a problem."

Spike's expression turned unsure, uncertain as to what she was getting at. She groaned, stuck between reprimanding the dragon or storming off. However, she stood still, unyielding. She was used to ponies zoning out whenever she goes off into a tangent, usually resulting in a one sided conversation, in fact, she wouldn't be surprised if she woke up as an insect one day— watch out Gregor Samsa, she'll be the one doing the Kafkaesque brooding soon.

She sighed, forcing herself to relax her tense muscles. She shouldn't put that much pressure on Spike— he was just a kid after all, and they could be flippant— and extremely brutal— sometimes especially when things don't interest them.

Instead of brewing in frustration, she opted to think of how to explain herself as shortly and succinctly as possible instead. "I...I am in a dilemma."

"Oh!" Then, a minute of silence. "Oh." The realization dawned on his face, before he laughed uncomfortably, "that's what you meant."

"You're just realizing that now?" She asked flatly, purple eyes levelling with his green ones. Immediately, he broke eye contact, guilty of having caught red handed.

"Sorry, Twilight." He looked sheepish. "I wasn't really listening to you." He says, as if it was an actual, valid reason.

"Really, Spike?" Twilight says, brows furrowing. "How? That's all I've been discussing all morning! I even drew diagrams so I could narrow it down for you." The small stick levitated in the air, tapping on the chalkboard behind her, pointing at the several diagrams.

"In my defence—" Spike rushed to rebutt, but fell short halfway, most likely realizing that he really doesn't have a viable defense that wouldn't make him look bad. Twilight just looked at him, awaiting his words with a disgruntled face, the corner of her lips pulled downwards. "I, uh, just generally do not listen. Not just to you— to anypony really. Except for Rarity," his voice turned into a slow, dreamy one as he spoke the mare's name, "I could listen to her voice forever." Then, he snapped, suddenly aware of her standing in front of him. "But other than that I don't listen to anybody! You know me, short attention span and all." He spoke all in one breath as if the words were trying to escape his mouth.

Twilight looked vaguely irritated, before sighing, her eyes softening. She willed herself to speak her thoughts with difficulty. "...that counterargument was so invalid it's valid."

"Thanks!" Spike smiled.

"It's not— that's not—" she threw her head back in frustration, looking up at the ceiling as if it would give her answers.

Seeing her reaction, Spike immediately felt the guilt bubble up, like a red hot shame. Sure, Twilight did tend to get overly wordy, distracted and far too focused, but she meant well. He knew that he should've listened, 'cause whatever problem she's having, it seemed as if it was greatly affecting her.

So, against his will, he says, "how about you go over it again? I swear I will listen this time."

"Are you sure?" She asked slowly, extending an olive branch of escape.

Twilight looked over Spike, who was hunched in his seat, hands fidgeting together. She didn't want to force him to do something he didn't want despite the fact that he did something wrong. However, at the same time, she hoped he didn't accept her offer. Despite the fact that Twilight knew any of her best friends would listen to her, Spike has known her for years, knows her more than she knows herself sometimes.

There could be times that he could get a bit...carried away, but still, he knew when he should right himself, and that was enough for her.

Gulping, he nodded. "Y-yeah! Of course I am. I swear I will be all ears."

There was a thoughtful look that flashed in her face before she lit up. "Oh, thank you Spike!" She exclaimed. Although she did want to start and recap her whole presentation, she knew he would have trouble following, so instead of forcing it, shouldn't she just need to try in a different way? Not only would it be efficient, but Spike would be able to follow. A win-win.

With that in mind, she turned around, grabbing a chalk and began writing on the board. Spike tried to look at what she was writing but to no avail, the unicorn was covering it securely with her body. After a few more failed attempts, he settled down, still fidgeting, but no longer trying to peek.

It took her a few seconds, but, when she was done, Twilight moved to the side, showing him a short list.

Dizziness

Quick Pulse

Flushed Face

Shortness of Breathing

"Do you know what these are, Spike?" Twilight says after a moment of silence, levitating the stick once again, pointing at the board.

"A list?"

Twilight nodded patiently. "Other than that. What kind of list do you think this is?"

"Uh," he squinted his eyes, "I don't know, list of symptoms for a heart disease?"

"Correct!" Twilight said with a smile, making Spike stare at her weirdly, one eyebrow arched up. She ignored him, turning to the blackboard once again to write 'Heart Disease'.

"These symptoms could apply to a lot of heart disease. Arrhythmia, Coronary Artery, etcetera-etcetera." She listed. "And at first, I was worried— I thought these symptoms indicated that I had any of those sicknesses."

Spike stood from his chair in panic. "What—?"

"But!" She whipped around, shooting a reassuring smile at him. She used her magic to make him settle down back on his chair, much to his displeasure. "I checked in with the doctors, and told me that nothing was wrong, thankfully. However, the problem was I was still experiencing it." Twilight closed her eyes, as if in deep thought. "That doesn't end there, however. To make the situation worse, I only feel it whenever I'm around someone."

Suddenly, the world slowed down and it was as if Spike was unlocking some fourth dimension point of view.

"It's an odd thing, really—"

1. Dizziness

"— haven't experienced anything like this before. Well, I have, but not as strong as this—"

2. Quick Pulse

"I have made thorough observation of this unusual psyche—"

3. Flushed Face

"I thought about consulting the Princess but decided against it since—"

4. Shortness of Breathing

Oh.

Oh.

Twilight was in love. She was in love and she didn't even realize it. If not love then she was feeling some romantic attraction.

Twilight. Love. Twilight. TwiLove? He cringed— Celestia he will not repeat that word again— no matter how much he forced the word together it was as if they were two different languages.

It's not like he thought Twilight couldn't feel love or like, he knew she does, if the way she stared at him with adoration indicates, but romantic attraction? It was a whole different story, a different field that he knew she was unfamiliar with. The thought of romance and Twilight almost made him grimace. Not because he thinks she's disgusting or that love was disgusting but— just— agh! He doesn't know, it just feels weird. Like super weird, weirder than Twilight's fascination with fish mating— bleugh— and he...she's...it's just like seeing her in a new light, okay?

"And, after thinking about it, I realized what I was feeling towards Rainbow Dash." This was it. This was the moment she— wait, Rainbow Dash? When did Rainbow Dash sneak into the conversation? Has he been so stuck in his own thoughts he missed probably like, a whole monologue?

Wait.

Realization for Spike wasn't slow, no, it was like a bullet; fast and fatal. Shrapnel bits sliced his skin, forcing him out into stupor, face contorting into a look of horror. "Y-you're..." He couldn't say the word, mind scrambling for something to hold onto. "W-with Rainbow Dash!?"

Twilight nodded somberly. "Yes. I..." She looked as if she didn't want to say the word out loud. He wanted to cover his ears just so he can't listen to her admission. He wanted to—

"I hate Rainbow Dash."

What.

"What?"

Before Twilight could speak, Spike stood up, opening his mouth and closing it again like a fish out of water. "Let me backtrack— no no no, clear this up."

"Didn't we just back track?" Twilight asked, looking displeased.

"I know! But—" a sharp inhale, eyes closed, hands in a grip. Oh he's was losing it. He was losing it big time. "This whole thing," he says animatedly, his hands gesturing wildly, "is confusing!"

"I know, right?" Twilight says, nodding emphatically as if both of them were on the same page, when in fact, both of them were in a different book entirely. "Rainbow Dash is my dearest friend; I can't imagine how I could feel that way! I'm a terrible pony."

"No." Spike refuted, soothing the unicorn. "No, you're not. Just— just let me," he exhaled, "I don't know, ask a few question, okay?"

Twilight looked unleaded, but still, she acquiesced with a nod.

"Whenever you're near Rainbow Dash, you feel dizzy."

"Correct."

"And your heart beat quickens."

"Yes."

"Your face flushes."

"Uhuh."

"You can't breath properly."

"Exactly!"

"You're an idiot."

"Right— wait what?"

"Nothing! Nothing." He placed his hands on his face, wondering where Princess Celestia went wrong. Perhaps it's not just her, maybe the blame is on Twilight's family too for cooping and keeping her out of any romance related things— too young, they said, too naive. Nobody deserves Twily. Our perfect Twily. So here was their perfect, sweet, naive Twily, fully grown, paying taxes, and even saved Equestria few times yet completely oblivious to her own feelings.

Sure, Twilight got a high IQ than any pony else, but as a result, her EQ was so low it was practically a tripping hazard in Tartarus.

"Are you okay, Spike?" Twilight asked in concern, peeking at his assistant who seemed to have sat himself back to his chair, elbows in his knees and hands planted on his face.

"Couldn't be better." He forced himself not to have a sarcastic tone when he replied. "Just, y'know, thinking over everything."

"It is perplexing, isn't it? I was beffudled at the realization too. And, to further the complexity of the situation, despite the fact that I feel that way to Rainbow Dash, I still want to be beside her." Spike looked at Twilight when she spoke, her face looking as love struck as the poets in ancient times would describe. Her eyes were cloudy, as if reminiscing something far away, and the corner of her lips were lifted in a lopsided smile. "I look forward to seeing her everyday, for some reason."

Because you like her, that's the reason! Even if Spike wanted to spell it out to Twilight, truthfully, he wasn't any better than her parents or brother: he wasn't ready for her to get into a relationship. Awfully self centered sure, but she was his sorta-mother-pseudo-sister alright? If she entered in a relationship, the pony would also be kinda connected to him. They'd ruin the dynamic they already have.

And plus, and he's sure as hell she isn't ready either. Adding to the fact that it was Rainbow Dash, of all ponies? Oh, this was basically a recipe for trouble; a walking magic powerhouse with chaos on the tip of her horn and a flying hurricane of disaster in guise of a pegasus.

He won't tell her, but he won't stop her either, unlike her family. She was at a point in her life where she stood in front of the branch in the road wherein two paths lie; the sunny paths of happily ever after or the dreary heartbreak. Celestia would be proud of him for doing this.

"Can I say something, Twilight?" He readied himself, rearranging his thoughts just like how Twilight catalogues her books.

"Sure! A fresh opinion is never to be turned down." She says.

"I think this is more than just hatred." He says slowly, accentuating his words as if trying to prove a point. "I mean, isn't it basically uh, whad'ya call this, an oxytociron?"

"Oxymoron." She corrected. "But I think that word you're looking for is contradictory. Oxymoron applies to a figure of speech with contradicting words—" she paused, scrunching her nose, "sorry, that's all besides the point. Go on."

"It's fine." He reassured. Twilight's rambling gave him time to properly construct his next words. "So, uh, contradictory right! You feel these...feelings of hatred for her, but still want to be near her? For me, I don't think that's as simple as hatred. I don't know what it is," a lie, a barely concealed one, but Twilight can't distinguish lie from the truth even if it wore a brightly colored shirt, "but you can't just chalk it up as something as simple as hatred."

Twilight looked thoughtful, seemingly considering his words. He felt nervous, awkwardly smiling as if trying to cover up a heinous crime, but to his relief— and honestly, to no one's surprise— she seemed to nod, agreeing with him.

"You're right. I did think it was contradictory, but I was unsure since all these symptoms describe the feeling of hatred." Spike forced himself not to facepalm. "I think I should do a research on this. This would be an interesting topic; not only is it not my area or expertise, I could also learn more about friendship. Specifically my friendship with Rainbow Dash."

"Yeah!" He agreed, before processing what she said. "Wait. Research? Research paper?"

"Yes!" She says. "I believe this would help me examine my interpersonal relationship with people. I'm sure the Princess would be happy about it."

"You mean humored." Spike mumbled.

"What was that?"

"I think so too!" Spike immediately corrected himself. "The Princess would find this a delightful read." By delightful, Spike meant she'd probably be snorting while reading every paragraph of her research. She'd probably categorize it as comedy when Twilight wasn't looking.

"So this marks the beginning of my first ever Friendship Research: Examining the Conflicting Emotions that Twilight Sparkle has for Rainbow Dash." As she spoke, she wrote her title on the board. Then, as an extra, she wrote at the bottom: What is the complicated feeling I feel whenever I am near Rainbow Dash?

Spike thinks that if the paper ever got hard bounded, Twilight would forever carry the humiliation with her, and Spike would be on the sidelines, laughing. Princess Celestia would probably be beside him, trying, but failing, to hide her amused giggle.

"That's a great idea, Twi!" It wasn't, but despite his reservation, he thinks this has to be one of the most hilarious memory he'll ever have. Maybe he could bring this up in the future Heart's Warning Eve Dinner. It'd be funny, for him anyways, and probably any pony else.

Who knows, maybe Rainbow Dash would be beside Twilight by then, comforting her but snickering all while.

Author's Note

I am in firm belief that Twilight would make literature references in her head to whatever character that has even the tiniest similarities to be situation. Additionally, she'd be the type to write shitty prose when she was young or a story that's starts with "on one stormy night in Canterlot" and go of into tangent about her life. She'd probably enjoy the obligatory reading of classic literature and think she's superior than anybody else for enjoying it— she's so me.

This chapter was more of an exposition to be honest, I didn't want this story to just be focused on TwiDash's relationship but other's reaction to it. At first I wanted Spike to be supportive as a whole, but upon further watching and read through of his character, he won't be thrilled by the idea but he won't be opposed. I want to dig deeper but that'll be reserved for the next chapter.

allegory of the cave

Maybe, just maybe, he should've thought about what he said to Twilight through before he said it, but hey, Spike was more of an act-first-think-about-it-later kinda guy.

He watched, hopelessly, as Twilight paced around the room, books scattered everywhere while some were stacked on one another. He didn't dare touch or move any of it unless he wanted her to be angry: a structured mayhem, she called it.

It was like a representation of Twilight's hazardous mind in its own way.

After Spike's advice and her getting the idea of creating a research paper about it, she wasted no time racing towards the bookshelves and razing everything that had relations to emotions and pony psychology. A day has passed since then, and here he is now, night cap on his head, morning air brushing his scales like a soft caress. It was about five in the morning by now, and, as far as he knows, Twilight hasn't slept properly.

Not that she does, but she at least gets about four or five hours of sleep sometimes.

Levitating the books mid-air, it spun around her as she seemed to search something, mumbling to herself all while. With a sigh— or a yawn, he can't really tell— he picked up a book that he purposefully dropped so that she'd notice it, but it seemed as if Twilight had ignored it. So much for subtlety. Well, if she can't get the hint, he'll just say give it to her face to face. He knew he shouldn't meddle much, should let her go find the truth on her own, but this was all heading in the wrong direction.

"Here Twi, I think this could help." She snapped her head towards him with an insane speed he was worried her neck broke. Immediately, she met him halfway, and levitated the book from his hands. Pulling the book to her, she squinted her eyes to read the title before casting a frown towards him.

"A romance book? Really?" Twilight says, disgruntled. "This won't help me at all!"

"I just remembered what you told me back then on Canterlot when you were studying something related to pony psyche, I think? It was a quote from...er...y'know what, that's not important, but it went like, love is similar to hate," he had to stop himself from cringing while saying it,"or something along those lines. So, if it is, doesn't it mean that you could also learn about hate in love? Maybe you might even find out a thing or two about hate and understand it deeper." At this point, he doesn't even know what crap he was spouting, but Twilight seemed to consider his words, so he thinks he probably made sense.

In a weird, Twilight way sense.

"I told you that?" She asked, brow knitted together as if searching her mind.

She didn't. "You did."

"I...I see." She nodded, before putting the book in the floor, no doubt a new stack of different categories. "Thanks for the suggestion, Spike. This'll be a big help."

"Of course!" He replied. "I'll leave you to it. Remember to—."

"—eat at twelve, I know."

"I was gonna say try to get some sleep, but that works too." He says wearily, but a smile still crept up on his face.

The mare nodded, smiling back et him. Really, she should get out of the library— anywhere out of Twilight's sight, before he slips up and tell her she's being thick headed, or worse, laugh.

And he supposed, it was kinda funny: this was like a set up from some rom-com he watched back then. But his worry outweighs his humor— something he doesn't think would be possible. Between the two of them, Twilight was the worrywart, and now here he was, fidgeting with his hands as he forced himself not to look back.

Twilight was a grown mare, she could handle this. She'll be fine. She would be. She have to—

"Ugh!" He threw his hands in his face. He needs to eat, that'll calm him down.

Hopefully.

As he headed to the kitchen in autopilot, he almost let out a scream when he saw a dash of blue appear from the corner of his eyes then approach his face. It took him a few seconds before he could realize that it was Rainbow Dash, her mane wildly sticking out everywhere as her eyes looked down at him.

"'Sup." She says casually, as if she hadn't broken into their home.

"...sup?" He echoed, as if he wasn't talking to an intruder.

She backed away, casually leaning against the kitchen counter. "So. Nice morning, huh?"

Spike looked at the pony flatly. "What do you want, Rainbow?" He liked the pony just enough, sure. She was funny and way cooler than Twilight, but casual talk wasn't her thing, it was also five in the morning and he definitely didn't want to see his sister-sorta-mother's (he still doesn't know what to call Twilight after all these years) source of dilemma.

"Where's Twi?" She said immediately, wings fluttering behind her.

"What?" He arched an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Uh, 'cause I wanna see her?" Rainbow Dash and the nerve to look at him as if he was being the weird one.

"It's early in the morning, why would you wanna see her? Do you need something?" He bit back a sigh. "Can it not wait tomorrow?"

He knew he was being uncharacteristically curious right now— he was counting the moment before Rainbow Dash would point it out— but, it was also uncharacteristic for Rainbow Dash to look for Twilight this late early; she'd never done it before! If he was being honest, in the past, he'd just point her in whatever direction the unicorn would be in, but after recent events and revelation, a part of him didn't want them together just because.

"Nope!" She says. "Y'know what they say," she flourished her wings, "early bird gets the worm."

"But you're not an early bird: you wake up at two in the afternoon." He moved away from the pegasus, heading towards the cupboard where his gem stash was. "And you didn't answer my question."

"Jeez, you're sounding like your mom, Spike-wikey." She says in a mocking voice, avoiding his gaze as if to avoid his question. Disagreement was immediately on the tip of his tounge: she's not my mom—just as any angsty teenager would claim because they hate affection, avoiding it like a feral cat, but an idea struck him. If he was to accept his role as Twilight's son, wouldn't Rainbow need to go through him first before her? That's the common courtesy after all!

Or well, according to what he read about courting. Not because he wanted to court a certain pony, oh no. He was just being curious.

Like his mom.

Wait, wasn't Twilight the one who had a crush on Rainbow? Maybe he was being far too prickly with the mare, he should give her a break. It's not like Rainbow also liked her, right? Gazing back at her, he squinted his eyes. Maybe the reason she was here to see Twilight— okay, no. He was being stupid, probably because of all this romance stuff was getting in his head.

There was no way a mare like Rainbow Dash would fall for Twilight. Not because she thinks Rainbow Dash was too good for Twilight, and vice versa, but because they were the compete opposite! Sure, they get along, but that was like, in a completely platonic way.

"Damn, you don't want me to see Twi that much?" She scrunched her face, seeing his inquisitive glare. "Is that some dragon instinct or something? A phase?"

Before he could respond, Twilight's voice could faintly be heard from outside, each of her steps echoing throughout the hollowed walls.

"Spike? Spike! I need you right now, I'm on the verge of a breakthrough— well, not really a breakthrough per se, but a realization nonetheless— and I need more references!"

The mare entered the kitchen all while a book floated in front of her. Behind him, he heard a sound of ruffling feathers, and, with a puzzled face, he glanced back and saw Rainbow Dash now standing rigidly, wings flaring on her back with full attention

"Not just any reference— I need this specific one. Something in relation to..." she tore her eyes from the book and finally realized they weren't alone, gaze landing at the pegasus, "Rainb—" her voice cracked, making her bit back a wince, "—Rainbow Dash!" She coughed. "Hi."

"Didn't know you were doing research about me, Sparkles," replied the mare in her usual bravado, though, he could faintly see her rigid wings trying— and failing— to push themselves down.

"I'm not, I, I wasn't—"

"She was kidding Twi," he saved the mare from further embarassment. Twilight glanced from him, then back to Rainbow Dash, vice versa. That went on for about a minute, with Rainbow Dash just casually looking back, a smug grin on her face for some reason, and honestly? It was getting kind of weird, so he decided to break the awkward silence, but Twilight beat him to it.

"What are you doing here? Why are you awake this early? Is there something wrong? Do you need help?" She asked rapidly, her tail swinging slightly back and fourth, seemingly unnoticed by the owner.

"Woah, woah, calm down, egghead, breathe. Take a chill-pill." Rainbow Dash finally seemed to have gotten her wings down, folding neatly behind her back, as she approached Twilight with a relaxed demeanor. "Ya want me to answer that questions chronologically, alphabetically or completely at random?" She flashed a grin, before it fell slightly, "...actually, can I not answer at all? I kinda forgot 'em already."

That made Twilight giggle, and the look in Rainbow's eyes changed then. He wasn't a poet; metaphors was never his thing, but the way Rainbow Dash stared at Twilight made him feel like he could construct a literary masterpiece to describe her stare. Her eyes curved like the crescent moon, smile blooming on her face like the summer sun on early mornings. She looked at her as if the entirety of her life spun around her and he wondered what it was like to see through her lenses. No doubt, he thought, it was tinted pink and scented like rose.

Spike almost— just almost— cursed out loud. Of course fate wouldn't be by his side. Of course they won't make it easy for anyone; of course they'd have to go to the cliché route of 'pony A's crush— pony B— actually like them back'! They couldn't just make this some sort of adulting event for Twilight; that not all her crushes will like her back. That not all love stories start. That not every opposite actually attracts.

A part of him wanted to tuck himself in the corner, let himself back away and allow the shadows to wrap around him like a shawl, because it felt like he was intruding in something warm, something so domestic and pure and lovely. And he wondered, if they were to be together, was this going to be his role too? An spectator, a watcher. A rock on the side of the road.

Envy crawled on his throat like a vine.

"Twilight?" He says, breaking their focus on one another. It felt like he shattered the glass barrier and finally, they were all on the same side. As if he stopped the world from spinning on its axis. "You need me for something?" He reminded, watching the cloudy haze disappear from the unicorn's eyes and get replaced by the familiar adoration, one that crept from the tips of his fingers then to his heart.

"Right." She says, glancing apologetically to Rainbow Dash, to which the mare shrugged in response. "The section of books about Psychosocial and Modern Minds? I swore I saw it last time on the second half of the left shelf but I can't find it anywhere!" She frowned, both brows knitted together.

"It's behind the shelves." He answered immediately, as if he was in a pop quiz. Ha! Take that Rainbow Dash— even she can't recall to where the books are that fast. "We reorganized remember? You said that you'll find them an appropriate section since it didn't fit your new system."

"Oh," her eyes widened slightly, "of course. I remember now. Thank you Spike." She nuzzled her cheeks, and he leaned closer in response, turning his head to the side slightly to peak at Rainbow Dash just to smile smugly. The mare just seemed to arch her brow in return.

Tsk. Still pretending to be clueless, it seems.

"And Rainbow, you didn't answer my questions; why are you here? Do you need anything?" She broke the contact between them, tilting her head to the side. Twilight seemed to have wanted to add more, but she pursed her lips to stop herself from barraging the mare with question.

The pegasus in question groaned, rolling her eyes as she frowned. "Why do everybody think I approach someone only when I need somethin'?"

"Well, it's just...odd. You're up so early; you usually wake up at—"

"Afternoon, I know." She finished flatly. "Somebody already said that." Rainbow glanced pointedly at Spike.

"So?"

"So what-ever! Maybe I just want to see ya. Maybe I just wanted to catch a glimpse of you, or maybe, I don't know, have a quick chat? Can I not do that, Sparkles?"

A tint of pink like the color of the spun cotton candy appeared on Twilight's cheeks, slowly taking over her face. She shifted, unsure of how to respond to such revelation, and opted to stare at anywhere but Rainbow Dash.

"You can. I was just, you know. I was just wondering. But you can do that: absolutely. In fact, I'd like—"

"Twilight," he says sweetly, so saccharine it tasted like artificial poison on his tounge. "you have research to do, remember?" He didn't want to hear this nervous flustered rambling anymore, oh sweet Celestia get him out of here please.

"Yes. I do! Research. I'm just going to do research for my...research!" The mare backed away slowly, heading out the kitchen clumsily. Rainbow let slip an amused chuckle, making her squeak in embarrassment. Squeak! He didn't know Twilight could squeak. The unicorn covered her face with her mane, and through muffled hair she says, "we can have a quick chat later, Rainbow. I need work to do. Have, I mean. Have work to do. As you know I'm a busy mare, and a busy mare has to do what she got to do. But that doesn't mean I won't spend time with you. Um, you can see me later. Spike, you should go back to sleep, it's not right for you to be awake this early. Thank you for your help, really. Bye-bye!"

"G'luck, Sparkles. I will be seeing you later." She flashed a smirk and it took all of him not to bash his head against a wall.

"So." The pegasus dragged her words, turning to him when they could no longer hear Twilight's panicked steps.

"So?" He echoed.

"C'mon big guy, don't go acting clueless. You think I didn't notice you try'na get Twilight away from me?" She says in a smug tone. "And those stink eye you threw me? If looks could kill I'd be six feet under; so whad'ya want huh? What's going on? You like Twilight, is that it? Ya jealous?"

Spike almost blanched at her words, physically recoiling. "What? No! That's disgusting Rainbow Dash, don't ever say that again."

"So, if not that, that what is it? I've got no time for puzzle solving—"

"You like her."

Her earlier bravado seemed to drop as Rainbow Dash seemed to stare at him as if he just told her that the sky isn't blue.

"What?"

"You like her." He repeated. The disbelief on Rainbow's face almost mirrored his. Though, his disbelief was leaning more in the abject horror side, her disbelief was in the 'are-you-serious' side.

"No I don't." The stubborn mare lied.

"You do like her." He says, equally stubborn. "When you stare at her you have this look in your face."

"Look? What look?" She demanded.

"You look at her like you look at the sky."

"And?" She tried to play nonchalance, but failed, her voice rising to a higher pitch. "That doesn't prove— or say— anything."

He looked at her dead in the eyes. "You love the sky."

She was silent for a moment, as if letting the words sink in. It was probably a hard confrontation for the mare; she was made up of sharp glass and bruised body after all. She was hardened bones and jagged corners; love has no place for someone as scarred as her— it was too soft, too vulnerable. Romance just did not fit her very being.

To admit love for a mare like her was probably like admitting to a weakness. She must've saw love as a vulnerability, a heel that Achilles has.

"So?"

"So!"

So, so, so. He was getting tired of that word so. It didn't sound like a real word in his head after repeating so may times. So, saw; a tool with jagged edges. So, sow; like scattering seeds in a field. So, saw; like how he saw the two mares stare at each other as if stardust was their very breath, the galaxy was their very world. Nothing exists outside or inside it. Just the two of them, so different, their corners jagged like saw, love blooming from the sowed seeds as he saw the start of a disaster.

Rainbow seemed as if she wanted to speak, wanted to defend herself but she just looked away. So stubborn. So cowardly.

"I...crap— y'know what, think whatever you want." She says. "You're wrong. I'm not in love. I'm not doing anything wrong." She flew away before he could say otherwise. She was not doing anything wrong— not right now anyways, but she was going to. Not because she likes Twilight, not because she's not confronting her feelings, and not because love was wrong, but because he knew she would hurt her.

"Love sucks." He said to the empty air. Then, as if to mock himself, he added: "so."

Author's Note

This chapter is a sort of interlude of the main story. Kind of? I don't know what to call this (and the next) chapter, but it isn't the main line. More of a character study, I guess?

I wanted to scrap the whole thing to be honest, because Spike sounded so analytical, but at the same time, I can't deny that this is how I view his character. While I do want my characterization to remain true to the show, I also don't want to be that reliant on the show. I want him to be mature yet childish all the same, a little rough around the edges but he means well.

I don't know if this is a relevant detail, but this tales place between season two and three, just before Twilight turns into an Alicorn.

And, if you see Rainbow being inconsistent with what she says, yes, it is on purpose.

there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out

Rainbow Dash was sure of three things at this moment:

She was committing a felony for flying past the recommended flight limit

Spike was wrong.

She was not in love with Twilight Sparkle

The first one was not that bad. Kind of. She had been flying past the speed limit for years, and no one has reprimanded or caught her. If she was to get caught, she already has a defense to say, no problem. She'd probably get out of court fast, just as how she always do things.

"Your honor," she'd start, standing in the podium, "in my defense, I was proving a point."

"By flying away?" The judge would ask, because they were noisy like that. They'd probably have purple scales and green eyes too.

"Hell yeah, what better way to prove yourself by avoiding them?"

And the judge would whack the hammer— 'cause what else do they do anyways— declare her a criminal with a charge of being an absolute clown, her friends laughing at the sidelines and Twilight would be there to call her cringe, all while Spike stood besides her, saying 'I-told-you' so like the absolute menace the brat was.

...maybe she should think her defense through on second thought.

Okay, maybe she overreacted. Maybe she was being too defensive and a little too in denial, but whatever! She didn't ask to be psychoanalyzed by the dragon. You love the sky— blah blah blah. That doesn't even make sense, in the first place. What he said was meaningless and lies and absolutely cannot be proved. Besides, what he did was just plain rude and wrong, she doesn't want to be analyzed— that was rude— she doesn't love the sky— just because she spends most of her time in it and dreaming of it doesn't mean she loves it— and she doesn't like Twilight.

Her? In love? Riiight. She'd sooner admit to like reading than to admit she liked that nerd. Which means, by the way, that she doesn't like either! Reading Daring Do was just for fun, and, just because you'd find it fun doesn't mean you like it. Just like Twilight. Just because she finds the mare an absolute riot and endearing, doesn't mean she likes her.

Because that was cringe. Love is cringe. And she wasn't cringe— she was cool, rad, and absolutely awesome. Love was for mares like Rarity and Fluttershy, something girl-ish and feminine. For ponies who were soft. For ponies who was everything that wasn't her. Romance was for someone soft and smooth, like those expensive silken sheets she'd see in this luxurious store.

Love was a luxury she cannot afford.

She knew she needed to apologize to Spike, the dragon didn't deserve to be snapped at and snubbed despite being completely in the wrong, but there was too much pride inside the pegasus' heart. Arrogance, as Applejack would've called it, but what does she know? What does anypony— and dragon!— know? Why do they have to go around, tell her what she was feeling and tell her what not to do when they don't even know her.

She flapped her wings downwards, giving herself enough force to fly up. Higher, she thought. She needs to fly higher and see the skies much more clearer. Flying and looking at the sky makes her feel better because she loves— er, like— uh, tolerated them just enough.

Once she thought she was at adequate height, she let herself relax. Spike really got in to her, she wasn't gonna lie. His words echoed in her head mercilessly, serving as an endless alarm that just won't stop. But, she reminded herself, maybe that was all part of his plan to push him away from Twilight.

"Exactly." She muttered to herself. "He's just being possessive with Twilight 'cause he considers her his mom. 'S probably like instinct or something." She paused, as if digesting what she said and suddenly, everything clicked. "Aha! All of it is probably a ploy. A devious plan! He's just telling me that I'm in love with Twilight— which is not true— just to get in my nerves so that I avoid her and I won't spend any time with her anymore!" She cackled to herself gleefully.

"I'm a genius!" She shot up in the air, doing a few tricks casually—and smugly— leaning back to relax. "How's that huh? Spike: zero, me: one!" She closed her eyes, shaking her head in pity. "He's probably still knee deep in denial right now. Poor guy." She said, like a hypocrite.

She let the familiar smirk take over her face. God, it was hard to be this amazing— Spike wasn't the only one who can psychoanalyze, she can too! How he'd like that, huh?

"What do I do then?" She mumbled to herself. She can't do what Spike wants, absolutely not! That's like, walking into a trap that's so visible it's obvious— hah! She can also be deep and philosophical, see?— and that can't happen. The obvious choice was to spend so much time as possible with Twilight. She even said so herself that she wants to spend time with her, so it's not like she's taking advantage of her or anything. In fact, she's doing Twilight a favor.

Now that she thinks about it, maybe it's Twilight who actually liked her. Who wouldn't really? She was awesome, charming and undeniably hot. She's used to being liked anyways, many mares have professed their undying love to her— she turned them all down of course, Rainbow Dash has a career to think about, and love would just get in the way— and Twilight wouldn't be any different.

If she did confess though... As the thought popped into her head, for some reason she absolutely cannot explain and doesn't know why, the tip of her ears heat up, before it slowly crawled to her cheeks. If Twilight confesses to her, then she'd—

In her peripheral vision, she could faintly see glinting gold of carriage walls appear. Immediately, she snapped out of her daydreaming and swerved to the side, giving way to the vehicle to pass through. The carriage owner faintly acknowledged her, giving him a succinct nod. She nodded back, an uneasy smile in her face before she flew away.

"Crap." She cursed. She avoided it in time— before 'in time' even, but normally, she'd be alert enough to notice it about ten seconds before it's in the collision zone, but earlier, she realized the vehicle was within the collision zone five seconds before.

This hasn't happened before, this wasn't her. Rainbow Dash just wasn't awesome— she also had the skill to back it up. She brags a lot, sure, but all of her bragging came from something. If she were to lose all her skills and sharpness because of...of whatever bullshit Spike was saying, then— while not true— she should avoid it at all cost. The thing of course. The L word. Not Twilight. Because she wasn't in love with her.

She was sure of it.

Author's Note

Chapter title is inspired by Bluebird by Charles Bukowski. I just realized how fitting the entirety of the poem was— and it even has the title of 'blue' bird!— and I just fell smitten by it. I stumbled upon it by chance, when I was supposed to searching for references to cite in my research, but I... I honestly don't know, I think something else caught my eye and one thing led to another and then I started looking at poems instead.

I hope Rainbow Dash sounded like Rainbow Dash. In a way, I had a hard time figuring out her voice: while my writing consists of soft pillows and long rolls of parchment, she was made up of firecrackers and bullets; to write something that seemed too chaotic for words is not something I'm used too.