Mr. Monk Goes to Ponyville

Two days earlier

"Oh, and one other thing," panted Natalie, as she ran with the other ponies through the Forest looking for Monk, "...my Boss only drinks a certain kind of water...and I know it's probably silly to ask...but you wouldn't happen to have a brand called 'Sierra Springs' here, would you?" Twilight turned to Pinkie as they roved back and forth, searching through the trees.

"I haven't heard of it; what about you, Pinkie? Do they have that at Sugarcube Corner?" Pinkie giggled.

"Different water?! How silly is that?!" She turned amused eyes at the new pony. "Water is water, silly! I'm sure once your Boss tries ours, he'll love it!"

The weird Sun beat down on Monk's head as he looked up and shielded his eyes from its glare, then cast another glance around him at his strange surroundings. Everywhere he looked, he was cornered on all sides by Nature, and it was all he could do to keep from screaming. To make matters worse, the heat was affecting him in other ways, so he briefly considered unbuttoning the top button of his shirt (IF he could manage it with...these!), but he was not that desperate yet!

His tongue was starting to cleave to the roof of his mouth from thirst, so he smacked his lips as he heard the gurgling of water somewhere nearby, hoping to find another spring as he'd done that time Leland had taken him to that cabin for witness protection so long ago. On that occasion, they'd been on the run from some gangsters who were trying to kill him and had gotten stuck out in the woods without any water. Both Natalie and Stollemeyer had found a fresh spring of water and had been able to convince Monk it was the same source of water that produced his beloved 'Sierra Springs,' so the "water crisis" had been averted. Knowing the odds were astronomically against such a thing happening again, he still awkwardly and gingerly followed his ears to the sound of the water.

Only to come up short and gaze down in disgust at a pool of bubbling, gurgling, green muck that was oozing out of some rocks. Several small animal skeletons could be seen scattered around and below it, and as he stood frozen in horror, a huge bubble grew, then burst, sending a foul odor into the air! He backed slowly away, then lifted his eyes and came to the horrid realization he was standing near a swamp...full of...things cavorting about in the brackish water...things with...scales, or slimy skin, oversized eyes, many, MANY teeth, and all covered in a disgusting greenish haze. He shrieked, turned, and bolted away, his thirst forgotten, possibly forever!

After visiting the kitchen to get some spare plates, Natalie took another moment to consider, then asked Spike for a pitcher of water and two glasses. Placing all the items on a large platter and holding them in her magic, she slowly returned to Monk's room, taking the time as she walked to prepare all the mental arguments she thought she'd need to get him to give in and drink without giving her too much trouble.

She needn't have bothered.

As soon as she came through the door, Monk turned and looked at what she was carrying. Before she could say a word, he pointed and asked, "What? Is that?"

Steeling herself, she set the platter down on a nearby table, and then, she poured him a glass and walked over to him. "Mr. Monk, I know it's not 'Sierra Springs,' but—" and that's as far as she got before he snatched it out of her magical grip.

Pure joy was written on his face as he beamed at it and spoke with awe, "Is...is this what water really looks like on this world?! Not...green...and slimy?"

She stared at him. "Well, yes, but why would you ask th—" she was again cut off as he gulped it all down in three huge swallows and held out the glass for more.

"I LOVE IT..."

A day after the 'butt-cheek' incident...

Monk was still delightedly slipping on and trying out his new 'hoof coverings' when there was another knock on his door. Natalie had been watching him with a big smile on her face, glad to see he'd recovered from the previous days' unpleasantness. Once she heard the door, she brightly said, "I'll get it!" then bounced over and opened it—only to immediately frown.

For there, standing next to Her Highness, was the culprit from the day before—only she was attired a bit differently. The now red-faced pegasus was wearing a bonnet and a very frilly, frou-frou dress with ribbons and bows that covered her from her neckline to far past her back hooves, with poofy sleeves and white lace. A concession had been made for her wings, but other than those, the bottom of her hooves, and her face, no other part of her body was visible. Before Natalie could speak, Twilight gave a wry smile and said, "May we come in? My friend here would like to make an apology to Mr. Monk."

With her head down, Rainbow walked slowly into the room. The dress rustled, and little bells that had gone unnoticed tinkled on her hooves. "I'm...sorry about yesterday...with the whole...moon...thing..." she mumbled.

Natalie smiled and held a hoof to her ear. "I didn't quite catch that..."

The pegasus frowned, turned even redder, and then looked up. "I said I was sorry! It will never happen again!" She rounded on Twilight. "Now can I take this stupid dress off?!"

Twilight barely suppressed a giggle, then turned to her guests. "What do you think, Mr. Monk? Should we let her off the hook?"

Rainbow fell to her knees before him and placed her front ones together in a gesture of supplication. "Please, Mr. Monk! You can't DO this to me! I'll do anything! I have a reputation!"

He smiled. "No more...unsavory...acts on my windows?"

She quickly made the gestures. "Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!"

At both Natalie and Monk's blank expressions, Twilight explained, "That was a 'Pinkie Promise.' NOPONY breaks a 'Pinkie Promise'...EVER!"

Natalie grinned. "Well! That's good enough for me! Right, Mr. Monk?" He nodded, but she could see by his expression he was pondering the meaning of the veiled threat.

"THANK YOU!" cried Dash, as she jumped to her hooves and began tearing herself out of the horrid outfit, only to be frozen in place by Twilight's magic.

With a glance at Mr. Monk (who had averted his eyes) she said, "I...think you can wait until we're out in the hall, Rainbow." Then she added, "And besides, I think Rarity might like her 'punishment' dress back!" She gave a final wave to her guests and finished with, "We will all be back later to help you track down that criminal, now that certain...ahem...improprieties have been settled."

"Thank you so much, Your Highness!" Glancing at her boss, she added with her sunny smile, "Mr. Monk and I truly appreciate all your help!"

"Please..." said the Alicorn as she waved a hoof. "...call me 'Twilight.' That's what all my friends do." With that, she and the red-faced pegasus left and closed the door. Natalie giggled as she heard the sounds of a garment being hastily thrown off and an exasperated "Finally!"

"Well!" said Natalie as she sat next to Monk, "...now that that crisis has been solved, what should we do next?" Monk was still holding up his hooves and grinning like a little boy at his coverings, then turned that smile on his assistant.

"What else? We look for clues."

Natalie drew her ears back and said, "Umm...Mr. Monk? That would mean...going back into that forest." She frowned as she added, "You know...back into...Nature?" He looked away and sighed. Then he raised his head, squared his shoulders, and held up his hooves.

"It won't be so bad...now that I have these..."

As soon as it was light, Tennyson had spent the better part of the day trying to retrace his steps. He searched under every bush and bramble, looking for his precious device, but as the Sun reached Her zenith, he finally paused under the shade of a tree and wept. ALL of his plans...ruined! That portal device would have made him the Master of the Multiverse...but now? Now he was only a petty thief, stuck in an alien body on an alien world, with no way to get home!

It just wasn't fair!

He wiped his face as he thought about his Dad. Warwick had told him, "Son, you ain't cut out to be a criminal...you better try somethin' safe, like a janitor..." Tennyson frowned. He'd show him! He'd show ALL of them! If only he hadn't lost that gadget! Making the decision to give one more try, he swallowed as he made his careful way back to that cave, looking left and right as he slowly retraced his steps while also keeping an eye out for any potential predators.

...aaaaand came up with nothing...

The light was beginning to fade, his stomach was growling from missed meals, and he was just considering if there were any janitorial jobs he could do on this world when suddenly he stopped. Now that the majority of day animals were starting to settle in for the night, and it was the silence before the night creatures began hunting, he strained his ears as he heard a quiet...beeping. He slowly turned in all directions, trying to locate the source.

And that's when he also saw a faint...glow.

Tamping down his excitement, he made his way over to the glow...then stopped dead in his tracks.

For there before him, partly concealed under some brush...was the lower half of a pony. Wearing pants. With a glow circling around where its waist should have been. He could see a light pulsing from one of the pockets, so he carefully reached in and extracted the device.

Dad was wrong!

In one of the seedier parts of town, Leland had backed the car into an abandoned warehouse near the dock, and was now looking cautiously out one of the darkened windows for any sign they'd been followed. Seeing nothing but the empty street, he sighed and holstered his weapon, then turned to check on the professor.

"How you doin' Doc?" The Professor was "seated" on an old couch in the process of dismantling his cell phone.

He looked up at the Captain and said, "Trying to cover our tracks." He nodded in the direction of Leland's pocket and added, "If your phone is still on, I suggest you do the same."

He was just reaching into his pocket when he paused. "Hey...where is Randy?"

Feynman looked up. "Your lieutenant?" He pointed. "I saw him go in that direction, though for what purpose I couldn't say."

Stottlemeyer frowned, then yelled, "Randy! Get back here!"

"Just a second, Leland!" he heard him reply.

"Leland?' Since when does he call me by my first name?" His frown deepened as he strode to the rear of the warehouse, trying to see what he was up to. Only to hear strange sounds of objects being moved.

Then stood stock still as he watched his lieutenant in the process of organizing all of the broken furniture and debris, near as he could tell, by height and color. As Stottlemeyer gazed at him in growing horror, he also noticed the lieutenant had buttoned his shirt all the way up to his neck.

"Randy...?" he slowly began in a quiet voice, "...what are you doing?"

Randy paused in the middle of pushing another chair with his foot over to the perfectly straight line of abandoned warehouse furniture, looked over his shoulder at his Captain, smiled, and said, "You'll thank me later." Then, using a stick, he started lining up all the empty bottles he'd found by size, shape, and color. Stottlemeyer's eyes grew wide as the realization of what he was seeing dawned on him.

"Oh, my God...what have I done?"

Tennyson giggled to himself as he adjusted the portal device. Now that he'd found the Professor's lower half, he did not need to return to Earth! He could bring him right here to this planet and get all the information he wanted from him!

His smile turned predatory as he set the controls to open the portal, then grabbed the professor's legs to pull him in once the sequence had finished. He was shaking with excitement as he looked down at the timer.

"Three...two...ONE!"

Leland had just convinced "Monk" to set aside his...project...and return with him to the Professor...when they heard Feynman shriek. They both bolted back to him, only to see him hanging on for dear life to one of the steel girders embedded to the floor as he was being dragged into a circle of light! Feynman looked over his shoulder and shouted, "Help me! Something's pulling me in!"

"Hang on, Doc!" the Captain shouted back as he rushed up to him, grabbed his wrists, and heaved! He looked up at Randy only to see him hanging back with a worried look on his face. "Randy! Get over here and help us!" Whatever was pulling him was immensely strong, so he was losing the tug-of-war. Straining with all his might, Leland grit his teeth and growled, "Get over here, Lieutenant! That's an order!"

"Here's the thing..." Randy said as he wrung his hands together with a cautious look at the portal, "I don't know what will happen if I...touch him while he's part of that...whatever it is..."

"Dammit, Randy!" shouted the Captain as most of the Professor had passed through the portal. "We need him to get our friends back home! Get...over...here...NOW!!" At this, Randy's face changed to one of determination, so he ran forward and threw his arms around the Captain's waist.

...just in time to be pulled with him into the portal...

When the Captain came to, he looked down and realized he was lying on the ground as the smells of plants filled his nose. He groaned and tried to sit up but found it strangely...different. Then his heart almost gave out as he got a good look at himself: he was still wearing his suit, but his hands weren't...hands anymore. His eyes grew wide as he held them up and looked at...hooves. He felt his face. He still had his bushy mustache, but he now had a snout! He sensed movement behind him, only to turn and see...see...a tail jutting and wagging out of his pants! "I'm a...horse?" he said to himself, then clapped his mouth shut. "...that can talk?!" he finished. He heard someone groan, then looked to his right...and froze.

Another horse...wearing Randy's clothes, was slowly getting up and looking around. Only this horse...had wings! The sight was too much for the Captain.

"Oh, COME ON!"