“I don’t want to be here.”

“So you’ve said, dear. Frequently. In the last hour.”

“There is nowhere else in Equestria I want to be less than here. I’m tempted to add Griffonstone to that list.”

Cutting Edge pulled his mate against him with a wing. Gilda continued to clasp her arms across her chest, while he gently rubbed between her shoulders with a free hand. At length, she relaxed enough to lean against him.

“Dear, this place and the ponies living here are the main reason you exiled yourself from Equestria, right? There’s no better time to reconcile with them. Especially since my boss was nice enough to give me a couple extra days off.”

The griffoness snorted and looked into his eyes. “No, he didn’t. He just let you take your already-earned vacation once he heard where you wanted to go.”

The pegasus smiled and continued to rub her back until she settled her head against his neck.

“I hate this.”

His chest vibrated as he chuckled. “Just think of how much better you’ll feel once this is all over.”

The pause was much longer this time. Edge almost thought his wife had fallen asleep when she said. “Yeah.” After another pause, she repeated, “I hate this.”

The train conductor placed a wooden step under the carriage car exit and held out a hand to steady Gilda as she stepped off the train. “First time in Ponyville, Miss?”

Gilda ignored the offered help and jumped over the step and onto the platform. “Nope. Can’t you tell? If it was, I’d be seeing pink right now.”

Perhaps trying to make up for his wife ignoring the offered hand, Edge used it to steady his descent onto the wooden planks of the platform.

When nothing happened and nothing continued to happen, Gilda narrowed her eyes. “You’ve been here before.”

“Sure have. It was a couple of months before my first trip out to the National Park campsite. And, yes, I had the mandatory ‘Welcome To Ponyville Party’ where I met everyone.” He turned to the light blue earth pony. “Thanks, All Aboard.”

The stallion with glasses, a snappy jacket, and a stopwatch and chain cutie mark nodded. “You have a pleasant day, Mr. Cutting Edge. You too, Ms. Gilda.”

The griffoness waved a clawed hand. “Yep, yep. ‘You too’ and all that.” She turned to the pegasus and frowned. “So why did you come to Ponyville?”

“For a seminar on state-of-the-art CNC Systems and algorithms. And with a name like ‘Cutting Edge’—”

“You just had to be there. Ha, ha. I get it.”

“I’m proud to say I was the first speaker for the Technology Symposium at Twilight Sparkle’s Castle of Friendship.”

She cocked her head at an angle. “The whatzit of what?” Gilda followed his pointed arm and turned to face the lavender and blue crystalline edifice rising at the far side of Ponyville. After staring for a few seconds, she said, “That’s new.”

After getting her fill of studying the structure, she sighed and looked back at her husband. “OK, let’s get this over with. Who do we start with?”

Gilda felt as much as saw the morning sun disappear as a large shadow stretched across the ground.

“If it isn’t the meany-pants meany bird here to say more mean things.”

The wide-eyed shock in her husband’s face only added to the chill creeping up Gilda’s spine. Slowly, the griffoness turned around to find a frowning earth pony mare with a huge pink mane one inch from her beak. She swallowed. “Ahhhh … Hello, Pinkie. Actually, I’m here to apologize to you and your friends for my being a – OOF!” Gilda squawked as all the air left her lungs.

The mare in question had closed the one-inch gap with a huge hug. “Awww! That’s OK, Gildy! Everypony forgives you!”

Edge fought down the laughter caused by his wife’s look of pure panic and attempts to call for help with no air to do so. “Would you please let my wife breathe, Pinkie?”

“Wife!?” The pink mare dropped the griffoness who fell to her knees and gasped in large gulps. Pinkie brought her hands to her cheeks and her eyes sparkled. “Oh, my goodness! And you… you are!” The earth pony mare fell to all fours, thrust an ear against the griffon’s midriff, and listened with her lips pulled to the side. “Hmmm… they’ll be nine pounds and 10 ounces… and will love chocolate.” Pinkie stood again and bounced in place. “Edgy! I can’t believe you put a muffin in the oven, you studmuffin!”

Suddenly, the mare froze in place with her mouth half open. “Muffins… I forgot about…” The couple heard the final words drawn out as Pinkie took off running at an incredible pace. “… the ovvvvennnnnnn!”

Edge stepped closer to help his wife up to her still shaky feet. “There you go, dear. That wasn’t so bad… for Pinkie. The others have to be easier, right?”

Gilda took one more deep breath before shaking her head. “You don’t know these mares like I do.”

Edge decided against suggesting they fly to their next destination. For some reason, his beloved hen was a big fan of walking everywhere today and that was fine by him.

The couple topped the final hill leading to Sweet Apple Acres. The yapping of a small brown and white dog greeted them as they neared the gate. Edge reached down and petted the dog dancing inside the fence line.
“Heya, Winona. How ya been? You still a good dog? Huh? You still a good pup?” Winona’s yips and licks answered his question.

In her cavorting, Winona caught sight of Gilda. The dog immediately dropped into a crouch and growled.

The griffoness sighed. “Why am I not surprised?”

“That’s ‘cause Winona’s a fine judge o’ character.” Applejack strolled out of the nearest orchard wearing boots, cut-offs, a tied-off red and white checkered shirt that struggled to hold her breasts in place, and, of course, her ever-present Stetson hat. “Mornin’, Edge. Been a spell since you stopped by these parts.”

“Good morning, Applejack. Thought I’d bring my wife by.”

“Is that a fact? So, it took a catbird with an attitude to lasso you, did it?”

The stallion shrugged. “Who would have thought I’d turn into one of those responsible, household, settle-down types?”

The farm mare smiled back. “Not me, that’s fer sure.”

All eyes settled on the griffoness in question, who sighed again. “I’m sorry for the crap I put you and your friends through the last time I was in town, Applejack.”

“Hmmm…” The earth pony mare tapped one boot on the ground a few times. “Yep. Ya mean it. We’re fair and square now.”

Gilda blinked. “Wait? Just like that? No yelling at me all morning long? No breaking my ankles bucking trees for eight hours?”

“Nah, no need. Ya can buck trees if ya want, but ya’d be doin’ more harm than good. And I mean to the orchard.”

“Huh. OK. Umm…. Thanks, AJ.”

“Didn’t say ya could call me that quite yet.”

“Got it, and… holy microbursts… who is that!?”

Edge and Applejack turned to see a shirtless earth pony stallion with a deep red coat cooling off under an outside shower.

The farm pony mare gave Gilda a knowing smile. “Oh, that’s my brother Big Mac. He just finished bucking trees in the east orchard an’ is coolin’ down a mite. Did he… interrupt yer train o’ thought?”

Big Mac turned his head when his name was spoken, smiled, and ambled towards the group.

Gilda took a few seconds to get her bearings. “AJ, understand that I don’t find pony stallions all that attractive.”

“Gee, thanks!” grumped Cutting Edge. His cranky tone was belied by smirking lips.

The griffoness shot him a stink-eye. “Take it as a compliment to your sparkling personality!” That drew a laugh from the pegasus while Gilda looked back at Applejack. “Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I’m here with my soulmate, the love of my life, and the soon-to-be father of our cub. Despite all that, your brother has a… presence that’s like…. I don’t know… like a celebrity that takes over a room and you can’t ignore them.”

Applejack laughed. “Yep! Heard that before. Ya know how we’ve got a bunch of mares for every stallion in Ponyville. The single ladies used to stand right where you’re at and gawk something fierce every mornin’. Got to be somethin’ of a pain in the plot.”

Gilda tilted her head. “So what changed?”

A voice from the couple’s right said, “I did. I changed everything.” They turned to see Queen Chrysalis staring down at them. She stood at least a foot taller than the three and that was before counting her horn. The flowing white dress, red apron, and pink flower in her hair took away some of the intimidation factor.

Regardless, Gilda and Edge jumped into the air and back-winged once before hovering. They exchanged a worried glance before looking back at the scene before them.

Applejack was entirely nonplussed. “Howdy, Chrysalis. I see the Royal We is in a unicorn mood this mornin’.”

Big Mac closed the last of the distance to the changeling queen and wrapped an arm around her waist. “Are ya’ busy tryin’ to scare the gawkers again, Honey Bug?”

Chrysalis did not pull away, settling for narrowing her eyes and looking down – if only slightly – at the tall stallion. “How many times must I tell both of you? Around common folk, I am to be addressed as ‘Your Majesty’.”

Applejack scoffed. “Not on this farm, you ain’t. We’re common folk through and through an’ proud of it. Ya want to join our family, you gotta follow the Apple way o’ doing’ things. By the way, this here’s Cuttin’ Edge and his mare… griffonfriend Gilda.”

Chrysalis intensified her glare to no effect on either sibling. When Big Mac leaned in to nibble at the tall mare’s neck, she burst out in giggles while playfully swatting at the stallion. Meanwhile, Winona took the opportunity to urinate on one of the changeling’s hooves unnoticed.

Big Mac smiled wider. “Ah know just how ta git ya in a good mood again, dear.” His left hand released the changeling queen’s waist and drifted downward.

Chrysalis squealed. “No, you can’t– Oh! Ha, ha, ha! Stop at once, you awful brute! This is undiginfi-eeeeEEEE!” She burst out in more laughter and pounded her fists against the stallion’s chest.

The griffoness and pegasus took that distraction as their cue to settle down to the ground again. Gilda walked back up to the fence, followed by Edge.

The griffoness lifted an eyebrow at the Element of Honesty. When the farmer mare only smiled, Gilda slammed a fist into the top of a fence post. “Story time!” Before Applejack could say a word, the griffon added, “The whole story! Not the namby-pamby watered-down version you tell foals.”

Applejack confirmed with a look that the couple were too involved whispering to each other to answer the question. “Well, not long after the High-N-Mighty Queen Chrysalis got her plot handed to her on an apple cart in Canterlot…” A furious ear twitch from the subject of the conversation showed the changeling monarch was not focusing her full attention on the stallion and what he was doing to make her squirm. “… the supposed Queen of Sneak decided to spy on Twilight an’ her friends here in Ponyville. She done followed the Flower Sisters and their mare friends out here and got an eyeful of my brother.”

Chrysalis shivered as Big Mac nibbled a sensitive spot on her neck. “Buh …. Back, you beast! There will be time for that… much of that later… but not much later.”

With a long kiss punctuated with identical “Mmmmmm!” sounds, the couple settled down into a warm embrace. This was mixed in with occasional hand swats by Chrysalis when Big Mac attempted to release his grip on her waist and move his hand lower.

Gilda turned to Edge. “Do we act like that? In public?”

Edge shrugged his shoulders. “Not even in private.”

Applejack cleared her throat. “As I was sayin’! Her Royal Hole-E-Ness up and knocked out my brother with some spell or another then dragged him off to a cave in the Everfree. Here she got a little smart by strippin’ him naked as the day he was born and chainin’ him spread-eagle-style off the ground so he couldn’t pull in his earth pony strength.”

A glance at the couple in question showed Big Mac trailing a finger down the changeling’s neck, stopping dangerously close to the valley between her breasts. Her balled fists and narrow-eyed stare daring him to go any further just got him to grin wider.

Applejack shook her head. “This bug-queen don’t like wearing pony clothes when in her true form, or at least that’s why she says she was floozyin’ around in front of Big Mac, yellin’ at him for not respectin’ her as his better or somethin’. Not bein’ used to stallions with a derisive attitude, this got Queenie all worked up in every way possible. Meanwhile, my brother is faced with this confident, exotic, naked mare struttin' in front of him. After years of puttin’ up with pony mares that faint when he smiles at them, well, that got him hot n’ bothered, and it showed. After an hour of yellin’ how much they couldn’t right stand each other, Miss ‘I keep makin’ mistakes ‘cause I ain’t as smart as I think I am’ decided to grab Big Mac’s… body to shut him up. An’ since she was standin’ on the ground, that made her a – what in tarnation did Twilight call it? – common-dolt?”

Edge corrected her. “Conduit.”

“Both work equal well for Chrysalis, I reckon. Anyhow, Big Mac broke out of the chains, much to her surprise, an’ the two… uh… made up for lost time. In Big Mac’s case, maybe five years.”

Chrysalis raised her chin proudly, her cheeks turning pink. “My chosen stallion is the finest in all of Equestria. And I deserve the best.” Her eyes went wide when Big Mac’s finger quickly completed its journey between her breasts then reached to scratch the back of his neck.

He said, “T’was near sundown when we limped our bruised and battered selfs back to the farm. When we stumbled inside, Granny jus’ glared an’ ordered us to wash up and get some decent clothes on ‘efore supper.”

Applejack smiled. “Since that day, Chryssy has been tryin’ to get the blessin’ of the rest of the family. She got mine after ‘pologizin’ to my friends, the princesses, and gettin’ her drones to help repair all the damage she caused ‘round Canterlot.”

Edge asked, “What about Shining Armor and Cadance?”

Chrysalis scoffed. “Nothing easier. My stallion and I promised the Love Princess that she would preside over our marriage ceremony. Shining Armor had the good sense not to interfere with his wife’s passion and alicorn aspect.”

Big Mac said, “Ya got Apple Bloom’s when you done made her a princess of your hive.”

The changeling queen gave him a warm smile that reached the corners of her eyes. “How could I not? This apron is the most perfect and heartfelt gift I have ever received.” She pulled the apron down to straighten it, allowing Edge to read the hand-written words aloud.

“Kiss the cook and then you die.”

Chrysalis bumped her coltfriend with an elbow. “You see? Your little sister is brilliant! She gets me! Oh, and I made Applejack a princess as well.”

Gilda blinked. “Ahh… that was… generous of you.”

“The least I can do for my new family. Besides, I will need a titled retinue when Equestria becomes a proper triarchy.”

Big Mac increased his grip on the changeling’s waist. “I thought I drilled all that power-hungry hooey out of ya.”

Chrysalis rested her forehead against his. “Not yet, you haven’t. You’ll have to try… harder.” They broke into foalish giggles.

Cutting Edge saw Gilda and Applejack roll their eyes in stereo. He said, “So is that it? Good to go for marriage now?”

Applejack shook her head. “Nope. Not even close. Granny Smith won’t give her blessin’ ‘til the Royal Bugginess can cook every last Apple family dish up to her standards. And … there … are … a … bunch.”

The changeling growled. “Repairing Canterlot and integrating changelings into pony society was nymph’s play compared to this heroic task. Your grandmother is a dozen times as stern a taskmaster as my own. Something I say with the greatest respect.”

Right on cue, the ancient earth pony’s voice called out from the farmhouse. “Chrysalis! Is that Apple Pandowdy I smell burning?”

The changeling’s left hand reached up to cover her mouth as insectile wings appeared on her back, knocking her out of Big Mac’s grasp. “No, Granny!” With a rapid buzzing, she zoomed back to the house.

Big Mac sighed and stretched his arms over his head, causing muscles to ripple across his chest and stomach. After relaxing, he bowed slightly. “Nice ta meetcha Mr. Edge, Miss Gilda.” The stallion nodded to Applejack. “See ya out at the south orchard, Sis.” With a quick trot, he bounded away, demonstrating the rest of his muscle groups in action.

Well after he disappeared into the trees, Gilda broke the silence. “Huh. So much for farm life being boring.”

Applejack smiled. “Yer both welcome ta stay for lunch, though I’ll have ya help out fer an hour or so ta earn yer keep.”

Gilda shook her head. “Thanks, but no thanks. I’ve got more stops on my apology tour.”

“Hey, Edge, has anyone had the guts to tell Miss Sparkle that her castle designer doesn’t have the best taste?”

“Don’t judge a book by its cover, dear, especially when you’re talking about the home of the Princess of Books.”

“Fair. And we can walk right in?”

“Sure can. Since I’m such a kind gentlecolt and you are in such a delicate pregnant state, I’ll get the castle doors for you. Oh, wait, they’re already open. You’ll just have to take my word for it, then.”

“Ah, heh. Yeah, right. Sounds like someone is overcompensating for being compared to a certain red-coated farm stallion. Still, feel free to make yourself usef – WHOA!”

Edge followed his wife into the castle atrium. “You see? Much bigger on the inside, just like a library tree.”

“OK, I’ll admit it. In here, the architecture makes sense and looks good. Plus, the banners, furniture, and carpets tie everything together. I’m betting Rarity had a hand in that. This place is amazing!”

“I’m glad you think so.” Twilight Sparkle emerged from a side room and approached the pair, stopping in front of Gilda while smiling at the pegasus stallion. “Good to see you again, Edge.”

Cutting Edge stood straight, clacked his hooves together, and bowed deeply. “Likewise, Your Highness.”

“Oh, stop! We’re way past that silliness! As always, just call me Twilight. Before I forget, I finished reading your draft article on race conditions for continuous feedback loop systems. Don’t leave town before I can go over my comments with you.”

The purple mare moved her gaze to the griffoness who stared slack-jawed. Slowly, Gilda extended her wings, which Twilight copied with her own.

Gilda whispered, “You have wings.” She turned to her husband and pointed, “She grew wings! Since when can ponies do that!?”

The griffoness didn’t wait for an answer, instead leaning closer to inspect the mare’s feathery appendages. Twilight continued smiling and looked at the pegasus with a perked eyebrow.

Edge cleared his throat. “Dear, is there something you wanted to say to Twilight?”

Gilda stood back up straight. “Yeah. Welcome to the cool club.”

Twilight burst out laughing and covered her mouth when the pegasus rolled his eyes and raised his arms in exasperation.

Edge said, “You wanted to apologize to her.”

Gilda smirked. “To Tartarus with that. It can wait.” She spread her wings to their full extent and crouched. “C’mon, Princess! I spent hours cooped up on a train and I bet you’ve been sorting books all day and doing princess-y paperwork crap.” The griffon’s eyes glittered as she beamed. “Let’s tear up the sky!”

With a whoop of joy, the griffoness launched into a half-loop followed by a half-roll, picking up speed with powerful beats of her wings as she accelerated out the castle's double doors. The pegasus and alicorn followed and soon the three cavorted in the air. They shared in the joy familiar only to creatures of the sky.

“Feeling better now, honey?” The pair landed at the front doorstep of a rural cottage at the edge of town.

“Sure am, Edge. I didn’t realize how much I needed that. I’ve been worried about coming here to Ponyville for so long. That sky dancing was just the ticket to get me to relax. Plus, coming to see Fluttershy now that I am relaxed is perfect.” Gilda knocked on the top half of the split front door and then looked at her mate. “The hardest part will be to convince her not to run away and hide when she sees my face.”

Gilda saw Edge’s expression blanch and he reached for her, only to feel her body yanked away and pressed up against the wall of the cottage. She found herself looking into a mouth of fangs, a muzzle scrunched in a snarl, and eyes filled with pure hate. She froze, not daring to make any movement to further upset this already very irate bear.

“HARRY! What do you think you are doing?!” A familiar yellow pegasus mare appeared in Gilda’s peripheral vision, with an unfamiliar expression of barely contained rage on her face. Fluttershy reached up with a hand and dragged the bear away by one ear. “We do NOT, I repeat, NOT treat guests this way. DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND. ME?!”

The stumbling bear’s paw left Gilda’s shoulder as it shuffled sideways to keep from falling over. It made mewling sounds that seemed contrite to the griffoness’ untrained ear.

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to!”

The bear moved its eyes to Gilda and repeated the pitiful sounds.

Gilda took a few deep breaths and then said, “Apology… apology accepted. Even though, the way I treated you, Fluttershy, especially last time I was here, he had good reason.”

The bear’s expression hardened, and the hint of a snarl started, only to be cut off by Fluttershy yanking his ear downward and staring directly into his eyes. After a second, the bear repeated the mewling, aiming them at both mare and hen.

Fluttershy released her hold on his ear. “That’s enough, Harry. You wait out back until I’m finished with our guests. We’re not done.” Dutifully, the towering bear loped away, its small tail tucked beneath its legs as much as possible.

The yellow mare glared after him until the bear disappeared around the edge of the cottage. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, then turned back to the pegasus stallion with a shy smile. Fluttershy’s cheeks turned pink and she swayed on her hips slowly. “Hi, Cutting Edge. It’s so nice to see you again.” Her gaze shifted to the griffoness. “And I’m glad to see you too, Gilda. You’ve found a wonderful stallion.”

Gilda blinked a couple of times, frowned, then turned to address her husband. “OK, enough. This is getting ridiculous. You wrote ahead, didn’t you? You can only prank me so many times before I get wise.”

Edge furrowed his eyebrows. “Umm ... What do you mean, dear?”

Gilda lifted her arms and wings above her head. “All of this! I left Ponyville a year and a half ago, and what do I find when I come back? Pinkie being Pinkie… OK, that part isn’t suspicious. But Applejack is a changeling hive princess, Twilight Sparkle is also a princess and has wings, and Fluttershy is a badass! Next, you’ll try to convince me that Rarity is engaged to Celestia!”

Edge gasped followed quickly by Fluttershy doing the same. They shared a long look and then put on unconvincing smiles. The silence stretched out until Fluttershy whispered to Edge, “You weren’t supposed to –”

“Shhhhh!”

Gilda lowered her wings and folded her arms across her chest. She cocked one eyebrow and looked between the two. “OK, fine. Two can play at this game.” She raised her voice. “Hey, Pinkie! It’s all true! Rarity will be marrying Celestia and they will definitely need a party!”

“On it!” a voice called out from behind a nearby birdhouse. A streak of pink zoomed away toward town.

Gilda smirked as the two pegasi attempted to say something to the fleeing earth pony only to realize they were far too late.

Edge frowned. “You’re going to have to fix that, dear.”

Gilda laughed. “No, you two will. Because it was your brilliant idea to prank me right then, now you get to deal with the confetti-strewn aftermath. So, all the rest really happened? Dang. This is the exact opposite of a sleepy little town, isn’t it?” Her smile fell. “Oh. And why I’m here.” She held a hand to her chest. “Fluttershy, I sincerely apologize for being a complete jerk the last time I was here. I preyed on you more than anypony. I’m very, very sorry.”

The yellow mare regarded the griffoness with a steadier gaze than Gilda expected. Ultimately, she nodded. “OK, Gilda. I’ll consider us back to square one. You can get on my good side by telling me about the hippogriff that’s obviously in your family tree.” She turned to Edge. “Unless it’s in yours? Or maybe both?”

Edge shrugged. “We’ve compared notes and neither of us have any idea. Too far back, I guess.”

Gilda tilted her head. “You know about how hippogriff ancestors can make griffons and ponies interfertile?”

Fluttershy frowned. “Doesn’t everypony?”

“Well, Edge, I’m not hungry anymore. Who knew tea and cucumber sandwiches could be so filling?”

“Fluttershy treated me to a tea party a year ago when I came out for that seminar at Twilight’s castle. I can confidently say she makes the best in Equestria that I’ve ever tasted.”

“I believe it.”

The pair walked in silence for a time. Edge said, “So, Carousel Boutique next, right?”

“Is that what Rarity calls it? Make sense. No… I don’t think she’s next.” Gilda grabbed onto his arm and squeezed herself against him. “If I know this rainbow-hued mare, she’ll be finding us long before we get there.”

The pegasus stallion looked down at his trapped arm. Rather than asking for her to allow blood to flow there again, he said, “And you’re nervous?”

“You’re damn right I am. She’s the reason –” With a sigh, Gilda released his arm and stopped in her tracks, facing away from him.

After shaking his arm quickly to restore circulation, Edge used it to pull his mate against his chest. Nearly a minute passed before Gilda spoke again.

“We were as close as sisters – scratch that – as close as pony sisters. Griffons don’t care about each other quite the same way. Rainbow and I would constantly push each other to get better in Cloudsdale. But no matter how competitive we got, there was one rule above all others: have your friend’s back. The two of us got into more trouble than we had any right to get out of, but we were unbeatable as a team.” Edge felt her shiver. “I ran out on that team when I followed her to Ponyville.”

Edge wrapped his mate in his wings, comforting her as best he could. Straining his ears, he heard Gilda counting. “… seven… eight… nine… ten.”

Right on cue, a rainbow-colored streak screamed overhead, turned sharply downward, and slammed into the ground not ten feet behind Edge. He released his grip and turned to see Rainbow Dash in the classic superhero pose, complete with Wonderbolt Reserves uniform. The mare stood straight, lifted her goggles onto her forehead, then put on an unconcerned air. “Well, well. Look who’s finally had the guts to come back to the scene of the crime.”

Gilda exhaled then took a step away from Edge. She looked at the ground in front of the pegasus mare. “Rainbow, I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry. For running away, for not supporting you, but mostly for the lousy way I treated your friends.” Gilda swallowed and stared into the mare’s eyes. “I was so afraid of losing you… of not being your number one priority and number one friend that I betrayed the years of trust we had built up.” She swallowed again and looked away. She went to wipe away a tear only to stop herself and then follow through and do so. “So… so I’m sorry.” Gilda sniffed and bowed her head again.

Rainbow Dash’s sneer had faded into a blank look as Gilda continued. “Wow. You really are sorry.” After a few seconds, she nodded. “OK. We’re cool.”

The blue mare shifted her gaze to the stallion and flew forward with a fist outstretched. He quickly raised a fist to meet hers before it impacted his chest. She then struck a pose. “Heya, Edge! You see here? I’m a Wonderbolt now! OK, so I’m a Reservist, but I’m a shoo-in to become the youngest Wonderbolt ever, just like I said I would!”

The stallion smiled. “I see that. Congratulations, Dash. I know you’ll get there.”

“Of course, I will! And some congrats go back your way, too. You just gotta remember to do a ‘hunt and release’ rather than ‘hunt and capture and start knitting teeny foal’s socks’ like you’ve been doing. Seriously, though, this is the coolest and definitely the fastest griffon I know. You must have been faster than your average, slow, ponderous self to catch her!”

“Oh, ha, ha. Not every sentence has to be a slow joke, Rainbow.”

“You’re right. It’s only when I’m talking about you.”

Gilda waved her hands. “Wait! Wait! That’s it? Just, ‘I forgive you and we’re cool’?”

Rainbow Dash turned to face the griffoness. “We’ve been friends a lot longer than you’ve chosen not to be. Yeah, you were a royal jerk, but friendship means you accept that your friends can have really, really bad days. That’s something I learned right here when I had my bad days… maybe even days worse than yours.”

The griffoness continued to gape until the blue pegasus mare spread her wings. “Anyway, I gotta go. Something’s up for tonight and I promised I’d help out. Don’t be strangers, you two.” She snapped her goggles down over her eyes and rocketed up and out of sight.

Edge smiled at the retreating rainbow streak until he saw his wife hadn’t moved or changed her open-mouth stare. He rushed to her side and caught her as she collapsed. Gilda sobbed into his shirt while he hugged her with arms and wings. Eventually, she got a few words in through the tears. “A waste. It was all a waste. All that time I ran away… all that time I stayed away from here. All that time in the wilderness because I couldn’t bring myself to come here instead. It was all a waste.”

Edge pulled back and lifted Gilda’s chin until she looked him in the eyes. “No, it wasn’t.” When her sniffling stopped, he said, “You found me. We found each other. We’re bringing another life into this world, together. I know that was worth it. And you do too.”

The griffoness hugged him, burying her face in his neck. After another minute, they stood and faced each other, holding hands. Gilda let go for a moment to wipe her tears away. “Thanks, Love. Thanks for reminding me… reminding me of what I already know.” Edge embraced her and stroked her neck and back tenderly.

Rainbow Dash dove in with another trademark superhero landing. She stood and waved her arms. “Gilda! Gilda! I totally forgot to ask. Has Edge done the thing where he pounds you in the ass, reaches around to tickle your insides while flicking his thumb on your clit, all while yelling out, ‘Baby, I’m your steaming freight train of love! Toot! Tooooot!’”

The griffoness tilted her head and blinked. “Ahhhhhh…. Nooooooooooo?”

Edge said, “Rainbow, that never happened.”

The blue mare smiled wider. “Not all of it. See ya!” She sprang into the air and hurtled away at breakneck speed.

Gilda narrowed her eyes and focused on her husband’s.

The pegasus stallion stepped out of her grasp. “Well, come on! Carousel Boutique is this way.” He took Gilda’s hand in his and tried to pull her forward.

“Fluttershy sure blushed a lot when she saw you, didn’t she?”

Another tug from Edge failed to convince Gilda to start moving. “Gotta finish your apology tour, don’t you think, dear?”

“And even the book nerd princess said something about you two being well beyond informal. I wonder what that meant?”

“The sooner we’re done, the sooner we can go home!”

Gilda smirked. “I can almost imagine it. This smart, attractive, unattached, and overall awesome pegasus stallion showed up in town. A town filled with so many accomplished similarly unattached mares. There he catches the eye of – what – two … three mares? More? Why, it’d almost be like a buffet!”

Edge chuckled while looking everywhere except at his wife. “You did say you wanted to leave Ponyville as soon as possible. Right?”

Gilda pivoted and grabbed her stallion around the waist again. “Yeah, I don’t know. The place is starting to grow on me. Think of all the friends I’ve made here. Friends who…” Her eyes went wide and her beak fell open.

Sensing his wife wouldn’t do so, Edge finished her sentence. “Friends who see when you’re hurting. Friends who come in and know what to say to help you feel like you’re back on top.”

Gilda pulled Edge close again. “Yeah. Exactly that.” At length, she sniffled. “I don’t know if I deserve friends like that.”

“You do, dear. And no one knows that better than me.” He stepped to one side, one arm around her waist. “Come on. One more friend to make today.”

“Yeah. Yeah. At least this one will be easy.”

“What do you mean, ‘No!’?”

“Precisely that, darling. I do not accept your apology.”

Gilda waved her wings, knocking over a ponyquin holding the latest in Rarity’s Spring fashion line. “But you’re the Elemental of Generosity. It’s, like, illegal for you to hold a grudge!”

Rarity briefly lit her horn to right the ponyquin and smooth out its dress. “Yes, I am the Element of Generosity, but you have some debts to settle first. Oh, and so marvelous to see you again, Edge.”

The griffoness folded her wings. “Fine, fine. As long as those debts don’t include last year’s favorite stallion-toy.”

The fashionista smiled. “Oh, was he now? First of all, there’s the matter of a certain rumor regarding Celestia and I. Would you have something to do with that?”

“Oh, heh, heh. OK, I’m sorry for my part in that, which may have been a pretty big part, actually. I hope it wasn’t too much trouble to talk down the Pink Terror?”

“We’ve come to a mutually beneficial arrangement. You see, the two of you will be attending a wedding tomorrow morning.” After the silence stretched out several seconds, she clarified. “Your wedding.”

Edge said, “But we’re already married.”

“Before a judge, I presume? No, the two of you positively must have a proper ceremony. Pinkie is busy arranging the party. I shall provide your attire, of course.”

The couple looked at each other and came to a wordless agreement.

Gilda nodded to Rarity. “OK. That sounds great. So that’s it? With that, we’re good?”

Rarity levitated three cloth tape measures, a notepad, and a pencil in her magic as she approached. “Just one more teensy, weensy little thing. The girls will be taking you out for your bachelorette party this evening. There you can tell us all about how you two met.”

The griffoness laughed. “Everything except the juicy parts, right?”

“Darling, you have my permission to skip everything except the juicy bits.”

“Tartarus, yeah! A bachelorette party with you mares sounds awesome!”

The unicorn hugged her. “Outstanding!” She pulled away. “Now I need to take your measurements. Arms out, please.”

Edge started for the door. “Have fun, dear! See you in the morning.”

Rarity raised an eyebrow. “And where do you think you’re going, young stallion? I’ll need your measurements to alter your suit, and we can’t deprive you of a bachelor party, now, can we?”

The pegasus stopped and turned around. “Ah, OK. I suppose that’s fair. Who do I talk to?”

“I hope you don’t mind if it’s a tad… unconventional. Spikey-Wikey told me Discord is running an Ogres and Oubliettes game tonight.”

“Wait. The Lord of Chaos is running a live-action role-play session? How in Equus did that happen?”

“Ponyville.”

The pegasus blinked. “OK. I suppose that’s all the explanation it needs. But a foals’ make-believe game…”

Gilda snorted. “What’s wrong, lover? Afraid you’ll turn into an even bigger nerd than you already are? If that’s even possible?”

“No, no. It’s fine. I’ll keep an open mind and try to have fun.”

Spike adjusted his cardboard chestplate and shield. “You know what, Edge? You're gonna love this. There’s nothing better than bashing and smashing your way through rank after rank of enemies.”

The pegasus stallion planted the butt of his halberd on the ground and punched the blade a few times. The thin cardboard weapon shivered but refused to bend in half. That gave him some confidence in the equally flimsy-looking sword at his hip. “Seems sturdy enough. What’s my name again?”

Spike spun his mace in one hand. “Sir Brian Neville-Smythe, Knight of the Realm. I’m Gorbash the mighty dragon. Big Mac is Carolinus the Wise, and Discord is Dafydd ap Hywel the archer.”

The red earth pony strode up, his cloak billowing around him resembling a dangerously green tablecloth. Unlike the other weapons, his wizard staff showed a little color – the jewel at the top had been crudely marked with red crayon. “Spike’s got the right of it. Ya two break through them ground troops in front, Disc … uh … Dafydd and Ah will hold off the flyin’ squids, and then we all take on the boss.”

The pegasus looked down the hill and past the several rows of cardboard cutouts of marching angry squids and a few airborne squads complete with butterfly wings. A huge Kraken towered over everybeing, a small black book in one tentacle. Perched on its back was the cardboard figure of Gilda in an old-fashioned dress, swooning in fright. A glint in the distance made him realize Discord had somehow ‘borrowed’ his mate’s ring for the evening. Edge drank in the sight; fairly certain this would be the only time he would ever see his lifemate swoon. “Soooo… what’s the plan?”

Spike shrugged. “Plan? What plan? I’m the mighty dragon Gorbash. I smash. I bash.” He pointed his mace at the pegasus. “That’s my plan.”

“I got that. I mean what’s the plan when we get to the boss?”

Discord stepped up to the group holding a longbow nearly as tall as himself. His nocked arrow sported a head with serrated blades that dripped fire. “We never plan. We just go in swinging and make it up as we go. The Macho War Party has never tasted failure!”

Cutting Edge scrunched his eyes at the pool of fire growing beneath the arrowhead. “Don't you think that’s just a bit overkill? For cardboard?”

Spike slammed his mace on the ground with a very light thump. “I don’t want to be fighting through a conflagration on my way through their lines ... Wait … I’m fireproof. Never mind.”

Edge said, “But I’m not.”

Big Mac said. “Eeyup. Standard arrows if ya wanna support from a distance, Dafydd.”

The Lord of Chaos sighed and then spun his bow in the air. When it stopped moving it was replaced with a much smaller bow constructed of smooth bright blue material. The black arrow was made of the same substance and sported a suction cup on the business end. He looked critically at the pegasus. “You don’t seem enthusiastic, Sir Brian. What could possibly be more important than saving your beloved Lady Geronde the Griffoness?”

“Well, I guess I expected the normal bachelor party full of dancing, drinking, and cheating at games of chance until we get thrown out of the casino.”

“Hmmmm… yes. Let’s make this more interesting. You need a little motivation is all.” Discord snapped his fingers and the rings on Edge and faux-Gilda pulsed with light. “You won’t be allowed to marry your griffon unless you save yon dulcet damsel.”

Edge smiled. “Too late. We got married by a judge a while ago.”

The draconequus pulled at his chin hairs. “Oh. Well, in that case, you won’t be allowed to have the far superior Ponyville ceremony tomorrow… morning.”

Spike gave Discord the stink-eye. “All the mares are gonna rip you a new one.”

Discord spread his arms wide. “So, all we have to do is win, right? I mean it’s either that or we listen to this stallion’s previous trip to town over beers at Berry Punch’s bar. Some sort of boring lecture, I’ve been told. This is going to be much more fun!”

Big Mac pushed Edge forward with his staff. “Come on, lovercolt. Go win yer mare’s favor the honest way… with shredded cardboard. Plus, you’ll be savin’ Dis … uh … Dafydd getting all yelled at by Fluttershy.”

“Fluttershy? Why?”

“Because they’re engaged.”

Edge’s eyes went wide in panic for a moment before recovering. He adjusted his cardboard helmet and lifted the halberd. “You know what? Beer can wait. Storytime can wait forever. Let’s go recycle these creeps! A Neville-Smith! A Neville-Smith!”

With a rousing cheer, the war party charged down the hill to face their foe.

No one at Berry Punch’s Bar gave the cardboard-armored group a second glance.

“Dang rotten timing there, Edge. Cain’t say ya didn’t try hard as you could.”

“Yeah, I was sure you had time to fly to her after you skewered the Kraken boss in the eye.”

“Let me remind you, Mr. Edge, that you called for me to switch to fire arrows when our other weapons just made it mad.”

“No sweat, guys.” Edge held up the arm of Lady Geronde. The arm ended at the elbow in a blackened mass that still released a little smoke. The pegasus placed his ring next to the one still embedded in the cardboard where they gleamed together. “I got the ring, so I say the Macho War Party still has a perfect record!”

Three beer mugs and one root beer mug clinked together at the center of the table with loud cheers.

“… There I was in my cave in the Everfree, my elbows bound to my knees on either side, suspended off the ground by my own chains, his seed dripping from my every hole, completely helpless—”

“Ya mean, ‘Choosin’ not ta use yer magic’.”

“Big Mac thought a length of chain wrapped around my horn would neutralize it. He assumed I was Queen of the Fey. It was an honest mistake!”

“Annnnywaaay ...”

“Anyway, he bent down on one knee, forced me to kiss him, repeated that I was the most beautiful mare in all of Equus, and demanded my hand in marriage.” She sighed. “It was all so romantic! How could I possibly say ‘no’?”

The silence stretched out in the private dining room. Gilda looked around the calligraphy scroll decorations as she scratched her head with a talon. She peered across the large circular table filled with empty serving plates and bamboo steamer baskets. “Chrysalis, you and I have got vastly differing opinions on what makes something romantic, but I’m ecstatic you found someone who loves you as much as you love him.”

“Indeed! I would brave the fires of Tartarus for my stallion and he would do the same for me. I have upended my world and haven’t regretted a moment. I hope all of you can feel the same intensity of love someday.”

Gilda smiled. “Yep. Know that feeling, especially the upending part. So how did the rest of you find out?” The six identical looks of shock made the griffoness burst out laughing. “Oh, yeah. The Queen and I spilled about our triple-X-rated sexcapades. Now it’s your turn to fess up. I definitely need to hear this.”

The rest of the Mare Six all looked at Twilight who cleared her throat. “Well, the next evening, we all returned from Canterlot, and Applejack offered to host a sleepover at the farm. Just after we got inside the house, there was a crash—”

Chrysalis said, “That was the bed collapsing.”

“– and Granny Smith yelled, ‘Quick! Queen Chrysalis is upstairs!’ The six of us gallop up there and burst into Big Mac’s room.”

The changeling queen howled with laughter while pounding the table with a fist.

Rarity said, “Big Mac had Chrysalis suspended upside down in a position that left nothing to the imagination. It was a more… sedate group of mares that made our way back downstairs to find Granny Smith clutching her stomach, rolling on the floor with tears leaking from her eyes.”

Chrysalis got her chuckles under control. “Ah heh, heh! You would never guess Granny had such a mischievous sense of humor.”

Gilda smiled. “Huh. No yelling at the two of you to keep it down so she could sleep?”

“Not once. She just said we would have to fix the house if we ever knock it off its foundations. This gives us something to aspire to.”

Applejack added, “While telling me somethin’ about Granny Smith and Grandpa Crimson Crisp that Ah coulda gone a long, long time bein’ happy not knowin’.”

That drew another round of laughter.

Chrysalis said, “Now I just need to become a master baker. Unfortunately, Granny’s teaching style is: you always remember your failures – go experience all of them.”

Gilda said, “Have you thought of asking your friends for help?”

“Applejack knows better than to contradict her elder’s wishes, and I find Pinkie’s methods… unreproducible.”

Fluttershy tapped her fingers lightly on the table, instantly getting everyone’s attention. “Umm… over tea and sandwiches, Edge told me that Gilda runs a baking stand in their hometown market… and that she’s very successful.”

The griffoness returned the queen’s hopeful smile. “Sure, I’d love to show you the ropes. Choose a kitchen and time. I’ll pass on what I know.”

“Thank you! I would be in your debt.”

Gilda stood up from the table and stretched her wings and arms above her head. “OK, Twilight. I know you love your checklists. What’s next?”

The purple mare likewise stood followed by the remaining six mares. A scroll appeared in midair in front of her held in her magic. “Dinner at Ponyville’s newest Japony-ese restaurant, check! Did you like it?”

“I loved it! I’ll have to convince Edge to go to one I’ve seen near our apartment. The fish here was the best I’ve ever had, by far!”

“Great! So, you get to choose now. We can cheer on the oiled-up stallions at a Tomenjerry show, crash a salsa and merengue dance party, or try out a new thing called an escape room.”

Pinkie Pie waved a hand. “Oh! Oh! I know the mare who runs it and she swears it will be a real challenge. No Applejack bucking doors open, Fluttershy talking mice into letting us out, or other cheater stuff that we’re all so good at!” The pink earth pony pointed at Chrysalis. “And she got Pharynx to add some rules to keep sneaky changeling royalty from spoiling it for everypony!” The queen’s ears perked up in interest.

Twilight said, “And we’ll end the night at Friendship Castle where I’ve gotten chocolates and other desserts catered in from C’est Magnifique’s in Canterlot.”

Rarity gasped. “You didn’t!”

Rainbow Dash said, “That’s the super-good fru-fru stuff you had at your store opening in Canterlot, right? Yeah, that’s pretty awesome. Hey, what happened to your ring?”

Gilda lifted her hand. “Huh. It was there when we came in.”

Twilight’s horn glowed followed by the griffoness’ ring finger. “Chaos magic, which has a time limit. I bet you’ll get it back tomorrow morning at the ceremony.”

Gilda shrugged. “Oh, well. I’ll just chalk it up to Ponyville weirdness. Looks like I’m a single bachelorette for one more night, ladies.”

Rarity asked, “So, darling, which of those sounds the most appealing?”

All eyes fell on the griffoness. Slowly, a smile spread across her face. “What’s always the right answer for multiple choice questions? ALL OF THE ABOVE!”

Ignoring Twilight’s hand raised in protest, seven Tartarus-raisers let out a whooping roar and stampeded out of the restaurant and into the night.

# # # # # # #

Author's Note

Airy Words wrote this chapter while I edited it. He also made the pics of Applejack and Chryssy courtesy of https://perchance.org/furry-ai