“So stupid,” Anon darkly mumbled to himself.
Warming his hands by the fire, he lifted his gaze and peered up at the monolith he was camped out beside. Choosing Stone - hah - what a crock of shit. The fabled boulder, one who’s tale was supposedly passed on for generations, was just a giant rock. As he leered up at the rocky edifice, his thoughts darkened.
While Cloudy Quartz had been a pleasant traveling companion, especially after he’d given her some much-needed sexual relief, he’d been mortified to learn about her family tree. Fooling around with mares or creatures here or there, regardless of their regal status, was one thing, although discovering he’d unwittingly plowed the mother of one of Equestria’s most renown heroes put his nerves on edge. Saying a mute prayer that Pinkie Pie wouldn’t take offense to him being a literal mother fucker, he took up a stick and poked at the fire.
How had his life come to this? Was this all some sort of cosmic joke? Had he done something to deserve the insanity he’d been through? A lot of guys would probably kill to be in his position, being a business owner and bachelor who’d plowed all manner of creatures, but not him - not any more. As unfathomable as it was, flying in the face of the man he used to be, he was just tired.
Tossing the small piece of wood into the flames, he turned and looked down at a picnic basket resting beside him. Cloudy had been nice enough to pack him a meal and lend him a tent for his prophetic excursion, even if he was sure nothing was actually going to happen. He shifted slightly, leaned over, and plucked a small loaf of bread from his provisions.
The ritual for finding someone’s fated somepony was simple - so simple that it only added to his incredulity. All he had to do was camp out by the Choosing Stone, get some sleep, and then something was magically supposed to happen. The specifics of the mystical event were painfully vague, ranging from meeting your lover in the near future to simply realizing whom you’re meant to be with, but he’d reached the point where he was willing to try anything.
While he broke the tiny sourdough in half, a pained sigh escaped him. All he wanted was to settle down and relax with someone who appreciated him - hell, he couldn’t have cared less what species they were or where they were from. If there was one thing he’d learned throughout his bawdy adventures, it was that every creature had something amorous to offer.
Ponies were the go-to option, what with their generous backsides, cute little snouts, and soft fur, although they were just the most common species in Equestria. Griffons, parrots, and hippogriffs had a lovely combination of plumage and avian traits, with the latter having the ability to take on an aquatic form, and he wouldn’t deny having a fondness for their feathers. On the opposite side of the spectrum, lacking any fur or plumage whatsoever, dragons would be remarkably assertive and were hot in every conceivable way.
Recalling his past exploits, he bit back a chuckle. Some of the flings he’d had were wilder than others, and his rolls in the hay with Chrysalis could definitely be considered two of the dicier exchanges he’d had. The Queen of the changelings had mentioned something about being drawn to his carnal energy, likely seeing him as a buffet she could glut herself on, yet the notion of trying to tame such a beast would be a fool’s errand.
Drifting between some of the more unique encounters he’d had, his mind settled on one that stood a head and shoulders above the rest. There were ponies, dragons, and changelings aplenty in Equestria, but there was only one draconequus - at least, he assumed there was only one. Musing on the demigod who’s played an instrumental part with his erotic odyssey, he smirked.
“Hey,” he said to nobody in particular, “you listening?”
Only a subtle breeze and the sound of the crackling fire greeted him. Several of his former bedfellows had made repeated appearances, with a few going so far as to outright stalk him, but he hadn’t seen Discord - er - Eris in what felt like forever. He took a bite of the crusty bread and chewed as she danced through his thoughts.
Tall and with a serpent-like body, the sinuous chimera was appealing in a singular way. Her limbs were all mismatched, she had one oversized snaggle-tooth, and her scarlet gaze could be a bit unsettling, yet he’d seen her for what she really was. Eris or Discord, whichever the unclassifiable chaotic deity chose to be at any given moment, struck him as someone who just wanted to have some fun, to cut loose and live it up without repercussions, and there was nothing inherently wrong with that - in fact, he could sympathize.
Oh the irony in that thought. There’d been a time when he’d yearned to sample the amorous delights of Equestria, being some big-dicked hero of legend who left creatures gushing in his wake, and he’d gotten exactly what he’d dreamed of. He’d heard stories like this, about people’s desires being fulfilled in an unexpected, unpleasant way, but his hubris had prevented him from considering it could happen to him.
Leaning back on one arm, he gazed up at the cloudless night sky. “Guess you have to be mad at me ~ huh?”
For a second time in short order, he received no response. Eris had ensured that most of his prior trysts had never happened, bending the fabric of reality to undo events, and all of his most recent partners were probably too busy planning foal showers to pay him any mind. He took no pride in what he’d become, being a walking fertility clinic who could knock up any creature he happened to get down and dirty with, and he was done with it.
He wasn’t sure how he was going to be able to pull it off, but he was going to have to find a way to undo the enchantment Eris had cast on him. While he wasn’t opposed to having a kid and starting a family, being an anonymous sperm donor wasn’t on his bucket list. Looking over in what he assumed was the direction of Ponyville, he knit his brow.
Given how things went when he’d last met with Celestia and Luna, he’d rather avoid going to the Princesses of the Day and Night for assistance, and the same could be said for Cadance. Luckily for him, Twilight Sparkle, the paragon of friendship and expert on all things arcane, was one of the only royals who he hadn’t stuck his dick in - on top of that, she had a knack for solving problems and helping folks out. Hope welled up within him and his smile broadened before his doubts and past experiences wrenched him back to reality.
Almost every intimate exchange he’d had had been by accident, and that wasn’t a deluded truth. Be it because of bizarre circumstances, coercion, trickery, or even force, one thing almost always led to another until he was balls-deep in someone. It had been fun - actually, it had been fantastic at first, getting more action in months than he had over his entire life on Earth, but he wanted to put it behind him.
If he had his way, he’d be done with hedonistic gallivanting and caving to the primal parts of his brain. He had no intentions of taking a vow of silence and taking up the life of some chaste monk in a far-flung monastery, but something a bit more grounded would be nice. Running his business and having a loving wife and kid to spend his time with - yeah, that’d be the ticket.
Easing himself down, he stared up at the stars. Twilight may have been his best bet at finding a solution for his routinely sticky situations, although there was more than one way to skin a cat. He knew Zebrican potions could do all sorts of crazy stuff, there were magical trinkets that could imbue their wearer with all manner of abilities, and if none of those worked, he could always resort to sheer willpower.
“Bet you think this is pretty funny,” he snickered, keeping his eyes on the heavens.
Damned if he knew where Eris was, what she was doing, or if she even cared about what he’d been doing, but he liked to think she’d been keeping an eye on him. While he had every right to be mad at her, mostly because she was partially to blame for his plight, he couldn’t be angry. Had their roles been reversed, and he was some nigh-omnipotent creature who could do virtually anything with a snap of his fingers, there was a good chance he’d be doing the same thing as her - just enjoying himself with whatever came to mind.
‘It’s not as entertaining as you’d think…’
He bolted upright and blinked. “Eris?”
The lilting voice was unmistakable, though its speaker had yet to show herself. Getting to his feet and stepping back, Anon turned in place and scanned his surroundings. The rolling, grassy hilltops around him were barren, save for the Choosing Stone he’d camped out by, and there was no sign of his otherworldly visitor.
“Eris?” he repeated, looking to the sky. “Eris, I know it’s you.”
There was a long, tense pause before he received a reply. ‘How very perceptive…’
Anon went to make a joke, to make light of how uncharacteristic it was for her not to show herself, but he kept quiet. Something about her tone seemed off. It could have been his imagination, yet she sounded ~ what? Melancholic? Apathetic? Without seeing her expression or being able to read her body language, it was impossible to say for certain.
Hanging his head, he rubbed the back of his neck. “You - uh - you been doing alright?”
‘I’ve been…’ the voice trailed off. ‘I’ve been better…’
“Heh - yeah, same,” he admitted. “So - um - what brings you out to the middle of nowhere tonight?”
The question felt stiff and awkward as it rolled off his tongue. It was anyone’s guess as to what could have her out of sorts, although the possibility that he’d done something to evoke her ire was bone-chilling. Licking his lips and forcing a smile, he peeked up and over at the monolith.
Unsure of what to say or do, feeling his anxiety grappling with his curiosity, he walked around his little camp fire to place a hand on the boulder. “Don’t tell me you came out here to find your special somepony.”
‘No,’ Eris flatly responded from everywhere and nowhere at once, ‘that was the other night.’
“I…” Anon hastily silenced himself as her words sank in.
Eris was a being of unfathomable power, even eclipsing alicorns with her arcane might, so to hear she’d participate in a superstitious ritual was almost unbelievable - almost. He’d only ever had a scant few interactions with her, including his week-long stay as her guest in the Realm of Chaos, but she’d never mentioned giving any credence to folk tales. Intrigued, he turned and rested his back against the colossus.
“Now you’ve put me in a tricky situation,” he clucked. “Did you actually visit the Choosing Stone or are you pulling my leg?”
As he lifted and shook one leg in the air, her snicker gave him goosebumps. ‘Believe it or not, I actually was here two days prior.’
“And why’s that?” he pressed.
Eris, still hiding somewhere in the ether, sighed. ‘To do just what you’re doing now - well, were doing before you started talking to yourself…’
“Huh,” he spontaneously grunted.
Keeping his mouth shut, he stroked his chin and gave himself a moment to think. If she was telling the truth, and he had no reason to believe she was doing otherwise, this was very, very interesting. The Choosing Stone only had one purpose, to help one find love in their life, and Eris wouldn’t have gone to see it expecting anything otherwise.
He lowered his foot back to the ground and steadily exhaled. “Did it work?”
A preternatural hush settled over him, the buzzing of insects died, and even the trace of wind vanished entirely. There’d been a number of times in his life when he’d felt uneasy - genuinely uneasy, yet the stillness and utter lack of sound pushed him from nervous to the threshold of fearful. Feeling a cold bead of sweat forming on his brow, despite the chill in the air, he swallowed hard.
“I…I really don’t know…” Eris whispered.
Anon went rigid - not from her response, but because of where her response had come from. Instead of speaking into his mind or from the cosmos at large, her voice had come from nearby - very nearby. She was close, his ears telling him she couldn’t have been more than a few feet from him, although he still couldn’t see her.
Struggling to calm his racing heart, he closed his eyes. “Honestly, I’m not sure how this thing even works. According to Cloudy -”
“Three days,” Eris quietly interjected. “After seeking the Stone’s council, and if your desire is genuine, it’s said that you’ll meet your true love in three days…”
Moments from jesting about how he wished the Stone had come with some sort of inscribed manual or instructions, a realization dawned on him. If Eris had come to the stone two days ago, this would make - no, there was no way in Tartarus. Bursting into laughter, he bent over and shook his head.
“Ok,” he wheezed, “you almost got me.”
His mirth was fleeting, lasting only long enough for him to comprehend that his amusement was misplaced. Straightening up, he pinched the bridge of his nose. Damn it - of course this would happen. He’d gone to the Stone for a purpose, so it wasn’t unreasonable to think that Eris would do the same - still, it was one hell of a coincidence that she’d show up now of all times.
He shifted uncomfortably and folded his arms over his chest. “Sorry…”
“If the circumstances were a bit different, you would have been right,” she coolly noted.
“Were a bit different?” he repeated. “Eris, is everything alright? You’re being way too serious and even more vague than normal.”
It was faint, so faint that he couldn’t say if he’d imagined it, but he could swear he heard movement from directly behind him. The rocky pillar he was leaning against stood at around a dozen feet high and roughly four feet wide, just large enough for someone to hide behind. Twisting his head to one side, he staved off the urge to walk around the monolith.
“Anon, have you ever felt scared?” she softly inquired.
He gave a small shrug and nodded. “Of course I have. Who hasn’t been scared before?”
“I haven’t,” she breathed, “not really.”
“Oh come on,” he groaned. “You’re telling me you weren’t scared when Celestia and Luna turned you to stone, or when Tirek, Chrysalis, and that crazy filly captured you?”
“No, but only because I knew that those were only temporary conditions. Petrification spells always fail, and even Grogar’s bell couldn’t contain my power indefinitely,” she sullenly answered.
Undeterred, he glanced over his shoulder. “What about that time where Fluttershy got kidnapped?”
Eris gave a low growl before speaking. “That was fury. Had Chrysalis not possessed that contemptible throne of hers, I would have razed her hive to the ground and sent her swarm scattering to the wind.”
“I - Cough - fair,” Anon croaked, immediately regretting poking the sore subject.
Torn between asking her what had her spooked or leaving the matter to lie, he kept his lips sealed. It was sobering to think that something had affected Eris in such a way, and even more unbelievable that she’d go to him for guidance on the matter, but he wanted to help. Being frightened was a natural part of life, something that happened occasionally to practically everyone throughout existence, unless your life was wholly unnatural.
Steeling himself, he turned and took a step around the stone. “Listen, I’m not going to pretend to understand what has you so worried, but I’m…”
The words died in his throat, his eyes widened, and he stopped in his tracks when he saw her. He’d been right about one thing, she’d situated herself on the opposite side of the stone from him. As he looked up to her face and met her eyes, his mouth went dry.
“You’re…?” she expectantly asked, holding his gaze.
“I…I don’t…” he rasped.
Her hand wandered between her bosoms, down her impossibly long torso, and came to rest on her belly - a belly that was slightly bigger than it had once been. He took a step back and rubbed his eyes in disbelief. Of all the things he’d seen and done in Equestria, the sight of her in such a state left him utterly speechless.
He’d known he could allegedly impregnate any creature he slept with, yet he’d yet to deal with the repercussions of such actions - that was until now. With his heart racing and mind reeling, he inspected her from top to bottom. The longer he looked, the more little differences he noticed - the more little differences he noticed, the harder it was for him to question what he was seeing.
The most obvious change was her abdomen. Normally as slim as the rest of her torso, barring her bust, her stomach was rounded ever so slightly. Her breasts weren't much larger than he remembered them being, although the pink of her areola had become darker, and it appeared as though she’d put on a bit of weight. If she hadn’t just left an all-you-can-eat buffet, she must have been…
“It’s yours,” she stated, strumming the talons of one hand against the taut flesh on her belly. Rolling her eyes, she threw her arms up and turned away. “What am I even saying? Of course it’s yours!”
Setting his jaw, Anon fought to collect himself. Holy shit - he’d heard her as clear as day, and it sure as hell looked like she had a tiny baby bump, but this was a lot to take in. Taking a deep breath, holding it for a second, and slowly exhaling, he held up a finger while clamping his eyes shut.
The sound of a footfall was all the warning he got before a pointed digit prodded his chest. “Just give me a -”
“This is your fault,” she snapped, leering down at him.
Askance, he glowered up at her. “My fault? Who was it who made me universally fertile? Right, yeah, it was you!”
Eris’ lip curled as she furrowed her brow. “Yes, because you totally didn’t ask for it…”
“Ask for it?” he barked, boldly stepping toward her. “I didn’t ask for any of this!”
“Oh but you did,” she hissed while bringing her face to eye level with him. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you got everything you wanted. Adventure? Absolutely. A comfy business in Ponyville? Your signature is on the deed. Your memories of all the sinful escapades you’ve gone on? Crystal clear…”
Moments from retaliating, he pursed his lips. “You weren’t specific when you mentioned having a condition for those promises you kept.”
“And you didn’t ask about the specifics,” she countered. With her eyes blazing carmine, she grinned. “Maybe, just maybe you should do a little thinking with the head on your shoulders for a change.”
He glanced down to her midsection and snorted. “Pot meet kettle…”
Her eyes narrowed and twinkled in the dim light. “Touche, Anon…”
Trapped in what was a very lopsided standoff, he lowered his gaze to his belly. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
As she shied away, her expression softened. “Why do you care?”
The words cut deeper than he would have expected. “Because I - we need to do something about this! H…have you been to a doctor? How long have you…”
He fell silent when he looked back up to her face. For all her size and grandeur, she appeared small, weak and vulnerable, and it struck a chord that resonated within him. Summoning his courage, he closed the gap between them, extended his arm, and attempted to gently take her hand.
“Don’t feign sympathy for me,” she hissed, snatching her arm away from him. “You didn’t care about any of your other playthings and you certainly don’t care about -”
“You’re wrong,” he muttered. Locking eyes with her, he held his ground. “If you think I don’t care about anything I’ve been doing, you’re dead wrong - sure, my libido gets the better of me sometimes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care! Mayor Mare, Stellar, Mrs. Rich, they all wanted a foal and have expressly told me that they were just using me as a turkey baster. If I had ~ what?”
Eris tittered and waved a hand at him. “Turkey baster - I’ll have to remember that one.”
Shooting over to her, he took her paw-like mitt in his hands. “My point is that I would have been there for you if I’d known.”
Her pupils dilated while she stared down at him. “Now who’s pulling who’s -”
“Oh cut the bullshit,” he groused. “You might be big and formerly bad, but you’re not a mind reader. If you really thought I wouldn’t give a shit about this, why did you come here?”
“I…I…” she stammered while making no move to escape. “Because I didn’t know what to do…”
Stroking her forearm, he gave a small nod. “Alright, we can start with that. Since it’s a little chilly, do you want to go back to my place and -”
“Oh come on!” she lamented, throwing her arms up and wheeling away from him. “This is how it always goes! You meet some pretty mare, or draconequus in my case, one thing leads to another, then - Bam - one way ticket to pound down. How do you think this happened to begin with?!”
Seeing her point to her abdomen, he face-palmed. “In my defense, it’s not exactly like you did a damn thing to stop me.”
“True, but that’s before I became a victim of my own designs,” she pouted. “Do you have any idea - any idea how crummy it is being pregnant?!?”
He shook his head, nonplussed. “No? How the hell would I know what it’s like to be -”
“It’s dreadful,” she lamented, pressing the back of one hand to her forehead. “I’m constantly hungry, despite being queasy in the mornings, and my mood has become wildly chaotic. One moment, I’ll break into tears over the most trivial thing - the next, I’m just as chipper and carefree as ever!”
“I mean, given the whole Lady of Chaos thing…” he noted, unable to conceal a trace of amusement from his voice.
With an unconvincing scowl on her muzzle, she theatrically waved a hand. “Ha ha - aren’t we funny today.”
“Come on, that was a little funny,” he chuckled.
“Regardless, it’s been a trial,” she huffed.
Though he was compelled to offer her some comfort, he was hesitant to risk saying or doing anything to cheese her off. “What’d the doctor say?”
“Doctor?” she coughed. “What doctor?”
“For the…” he mumbled while motioning to her belly.
She broadened her stance and snaked her head down to her midsection. “I thought doctors just helped deliver these things! For buck’s sake, I don’t know if there’s an egg or a fetus in there!”
Sensing a migraine coming on, Anon railed against his mounting frustration. “Alright, here’s what we’re going to do. You can crash at my place tonight; after we get up tomorrow, we’ll go to the Ponyville clinic and -”
“I am not sharing a bed with you again,” she cawed. “For all I know, I’ll end up with an entire clutch of whelps in me!”
“Eris,” he began, crossing to her and taking her hands in his own, “I own an inn. You could sleep in any room you want.”
She looked none too convinced as she studied him. “Let’s say I’m willing to indulge this little plan of yours ~ what then?”
“Once we get you checked out, we can talk about what we’re going to do,” he asserted.
Turning her eyes to the ground, she virtually wilted. “And then…?”
“And then we’ll take things from there,” he insisted. “If you wanted to stay with me, I’d be happy - shit, I’d be honored to have you.”
“And when our little chimeric offspring enters the world, we’ll retire to a remote chalet with a white picket fence and a dog,” she sarcastically exclaimed.
Swinging his attention back to her belly, he smiled. “If that’s what you want, sure.”
“You jest,” she scoffed. “You’d have me believe that you’d give up your business to make a proper draconequus out of me?”
“Crazier stuff has happened,” he hummed. Inching nearer to her, he peeked upward. “Can I - oh jeez, this is going to sound weird…”
She peaked a brow and lifted her head. “I think we’re well past the point of weird…”
“Can…can I touch it?” he whispered.
Glancing between him and her baby bump, she reared back. “My stomach? Anon, what has gotten into you? I’ve been standing here buck naked this whole time and you’ve barely looked at heaving bosoms and sensual curves!”
Leaning in, he disregarded her jab and tenderly pressed a cheek to her stomach. The warmth of her fur and the familiar, exotic tang of her scent brought back fond memories, although they weren’t nearly as captivating as what she held within her. He closed his eyes and held his breath as he shifted and held his ear against her.
Remaining motionless, she allowed him to indulge himself. “Having fun?”
For such a simple question, he struggled to process it. Pride, apprehension, joy, frustration - his mind was a maelstrom of conflicting emotions that all vied for dominance. Was this what it was supposed to feel like? Did all fathers go through this? Releasing her hands, he stopped himself and backed away before he could embrace her.
“Before we do anything, there’s something I need to know,” he breathed. “Do you want to see this through?”
“I’ve asked myself that more times than you can possibly imagine,” she confessed. “After everything I’ve been through, I suppose it was only a matter of time until I continued my bloodline - granted, I’d always assumed I’d be siring an heir, although that hardly matters in the grand scheme of things.”
Taking up her taloned hand, he laced fingers with her. “Would you like me there?”
Her retort was swift yet lacked any teeth. “Do you want to be there?”
It was hard to think clearly, he knew he wasn’t in any position to make snap decisions, and his knees felt weak, although there was only one answer he could or ever would give. “Yes - yes I do. Eris, I didn’t plan for this to happen, but it’s time for me to put my foot down and do the right thing for a change. Will things work out between us? Seriously, I haven’t a clue. Does that mean I’m not willing to give you and our kid or foal or whatever he or she is my best? Absolutely not.”
Eris fidgeted slightly and squeezed his hand. “What if we fall in love - true love, Anon? Would you walk me down the aisle and carry me into the sunset?”
“Sure,” he laughed. “We should probably go get fitted for a suit and a wedding gown at the Carousel Boutique tomorrow.”
Keeping her feet planted, she slowly coiled around him. “Would this be before or after we go to see this doctor you mentioned.”
“After, but before lunch,” he glibly replied. Releasing her hand and allowing her to circle him, he drew his hands up her sides. “Since you’re eating for two, we gotta make sure you’re eating enough.”
“I’ll expect nothing less than breakfast in bed every morning - preferably while you feed me,” she tittered madly.
He laughed harder at the absurd notion. “Of course, although I’ll be expecting homemade dinners after you deliver our little bundle of joy.”
Bringing face to the side of his head, she tickled his ear with her forked tongue. “You’d like that ~ wouldn’t you? The great Eris as your loving wife.”
He struck with blinding speed, bringing one hand behind her head while turning and locking lips with her. It was the very definition of insanity, passionately kissing a creature that was leagues beyond anything his mortal mind could comprehend, yet the fires of his passion had never raged hotter or more brightly. Clutching one of her mismatched horns, he drove his tongue into her muzzle.
Though a day may come where he’d regret his decisions, particularly because he wasn’t in the right state of mind to do much of anything, he had little choice in the matter. Fate or some celestial power had brought them together at the Choosing Stone, and every instinct he had told him that it was from anything but chance. Her eyelids fluttered and knees buckled, but she quickly composed herself and grabbed him by the shoulders.
Pulling away and leaving a strand of saliva connecting them, she beamed. “Wait a second…”
“Why? What are you - oh shit,” he cursed as she pressed the index finger and thumb of her left hand together.
Snap
With a blinding flash, Anon blinked. The field, the prophetic boulder, and his camp were gone - in their place stood four walls, a ceiling overhead, and a carpet beneath his feet. He spun and surveyed his surroundings as a sense of familiarity settled upon him. This place, this room, he’d been here before, but not since…
“Much better,” Eris sighed.
As his eyes shot to the sound of her voice, his jaw swung open. Standing in a nearby doorway, Eris was backlit by her bathroom. The pose she struck was nothing short of provocative, standing with her hips cocked and one arm against the doorframe, and it was elevated by her choice of attire. Adorned in a gossamer, crimson nightgown, replete with a fuzzy collar, she shot him a wink that made him weak in the knees.
Walking - no, strutting across the room, she snapped her fingers and effortlessly materialized a giant, heart-shaped bed to the center of the floor. “It may be a bit preemptive, but I don’t see why we can’t consummate what will surely be a loving relationship.”
He took a small step forward and paused. “You…you planned this.”
“Planned - Hah!” she guffawed as she cast herself onto the mattress with a resounding POMF. “Anon, darling, when have I ever been known to plan anything?”
She made a compelling argument, because of course she did - nevertheless, he was inclined to believe that she’d put some amount of forethought into this exchange. Given that she could have paid him a visit at any given time, there were only two possibilities he could think of to explain her sudden appearance and behavior. His first guess was that this was all some grand ruse, although it was the second option he was leaning toward.
Being the spontaneous, admittedly zany creature that she was, it was feasible that she’d been sincere - at least in part. He’d probably been on her mind, particularly after she discovered she was expecting, but been reluctant to speak with him. Though he could have been entirely wrong with his assessment of her and her mental state, understanding her as well as an ant would comprehend him, his gut told him that he was on the right track.
Walking to the pointed end of her bed, he eyed her hungrily. She was as ravishing as she was incomprehensible. He wouldn’t have thought such a unique creature could be so staggeringly alluring, yet she defied the odds. From her generous bust, imposing height, and amalgamation of features, there wasn’t a thing about her that wasn’t provocative.
He faltered as he went to loosen his belt. “Before we do anything, I have a question,” he murmured. “Is this…is this just another fling - like, do you just want to get laid or -”
Snap
With a finger held to his lips, she loomed over him in an instant. “Do you really want me to spoil -”
“Yes - yes, I do,” he interrupted. “Eris, if I’m ever going to change, to become better, I’m going to have to stop chasing tail and start looking for someone I actually care about.”
Her sultry expression took on a somber air while she shuffled back and sank to a knee before him. “I won’t lie to you, Anon, I don’t know if anything between us will work, nor can I claim that we’re star-crossed lovers, but I’ve grown quite fond of you. Of all the creatures I’ve ever encountered throughout the millennia, you’re one of a kind.”
“Right, the human thing,” he halfheartedly joked.
“No,” she faintly declared as she gingerly clutched his wrists. “There’s something about you that’s special - yes, I began watching you purely for entertainment, but it goes beyond that.”
Inching closer, he shared her breath. “Worth a shot ~ right?”
“For the first time in longer than I can remember,” she affirmed. “Then again, seeing as how you did put a bun in my oven, it’s only fair that we - Mmmph?!”
He silenced her with a deep, passionate kiss, but he wasn’t finished with her yet - not by a long shot. Maybe they really were meant to be an item, or perhaps this would be just the latest in a long, long string of one-nighters - either way, at least in that moment, he yearned for nothing more than to be with her. Driving her back, he pinned her shoulders to the bed and continued making out with her.
Though her admission had been heartfelt, so far as he could tell, there was a delicious bit of irony in what she’d said. Of all the myriad of creatures in Equestria, only the two of them were truly in a class of their own. He was an alien from another world or reality, while she was an avatar of pandemonium - in short, while they both had a right to court anyone on the planet, it was oddly fitting that they end up with one another.
Draping her neck over his shoulder and pressing her chin to his back, she snapped her legs around his waist. “I’ve missed this.”
“I bet you say that to all the - Oooph,” he grunted as she disappeared from beneath him. Lifting his head and looking upward, he found her lounging on the mattress just out of reach. “Rude…”
She snickered while fondling one bosom and gliding her free hand down her belly. “You better get used to it, lover boy, because you may have to put up with this for quite some time.”
The sight of her was enthralling. Partially coiled upon herself, twisted up like some sort of eastern dragon, she languidly rubbed her nethers. Stars above - she knew how to pull off the sexy look when she wanted to. Hastily removing his shirt and flinging it to the side, he fumbled for his belt.
“Take your time,” she tutted. “Let me enjoy it.”
“But you just said you’ve been watching me,” he harrumphed, fiddling with the button on his pants.
Tickling his chin with the tuft at the end of her tail, she gave a long, sensual moan. “This is different though. Now that I have you all to myself, I want to savor it…”
He backed up and gave her what she’d asked for, albeit in a somewhat clumsy way. His belt was freed, pulled from his waistband, then tossed aside while he gyrated his hips and kept one hand to the back of his head. She giggled like a schoolfilly as she continued pleasuring herself, making it hard for him to tell if found his impromptu show humorous or arousing - regardless, he unbuttoned and began slowly removing his pants.
“You get to strip for me next time,” he mused.
“But of course!” she chirped. “It would hardly be fair if my hubby did all the heavy lifting in the bedroom - speaking of which…”
He started when she snapped again, bracing himself for anything, yet nothing appeared to change. “What…what’d you do?”
“Nothing,” she hummed. “Cross my heart and hope to fly.”
Blankly staring over at her, he stood motionless. “Seriously…?”
“As I said, if we’re going to become an item, you better get used to it,” she purred.
Seeing her spread her legs, he hung and shook his head. “I swear, this is the craziest thing I’ve ever agreed to.”
“It is,” she affirmed, “but don’t act like you’re not excited.”
He followed her gaze, peeked down at his crotch, and chuckled. His manhood was rock-hard and tenting his boxers, eager to be put to use. Having no reason to delay the inevitable, he crawled onto the mattress and between her outstretched legs. To hell with it - since they were both worked up and broaching the subject of romance, he may as well try to impress her.
Bringing his face to her loins, he dove in and feasted upon her. Of all the pussy he’d munched on, hers was, like the rest of her, in a class of its own. Not quite as meaty as marehood, yet having the godly pelvic control of a pony, her naughty bits tasted as good as they smelled. He groaned into her as her legs slipped around his head, pulled him in, and locked him to her groin.
Bucking into his face, she writhed on the mattress. “That’s the stuff…”
No matter who or what he was bedding, there was something profoundly magical about giving pleasure to another - doubly so when they were functionally immortal and wielded incomprehensible arcane might. Slipping his arms under her thighs, he peered upward while he fixated on her bulging clit. While it had gotten him into plenty of trouble, one silver lining to his escapades was that he considered himself pretty damn good at getting someone off - bearing that in mind, he unleashed his amorous potential upon her without restraint.
His hands caressed her sides and hips while his tongue and lips teased the delicate bud of flesh above her entrance. Fooling around with quadrupeds was plenty of fun, he wouldn’t contend that, although getting frisky with another biped came with a number of special benefits. As she twisted and weaved her talons through his hair, contorting herself like a pretzel, his self-restraint started to buckle.
He could have - would have said that he was motivated by lust, but it wasn’t that simple. Subtle though it was, the prospect of this becoming something more, something he could look forward to, spurred him on like few things ever had. He realized how foolish it was to pine for her, to forge a bond that went beyond bestial desires, yet it filled him with determination to claim her as a lover.
Remaining sandwiched between her thighs for as long as he could endure, he eventually wriggled free and drove her legs apart. “S…sorry, I’m -”
“Sssssssssssh,” she hissed. “I’m as ready as you are, so come and take me.”
There was an argument to be made for every sexual position in existence, and probably a fair few that only someone like Eris could pull off, although there was one that called to him above the others. Shuffling forward on his knees, he bent forward and kissed the tip of his length to her sex. For all their differences, ranging from age and power level to their heights, missionary would be something they’d both enjoy - he was certain of it.
Eris nearly doubled over as she brought her arms around his neck. “You know, there is one way we could see if this will work…”
Cocking his head to one side, he froze. “The sex?”
“No, you nincompoop,” she laughed, “I’m talking about us.”
“How?” he asked, fighting not to drive into her silken, balmy depths.
Bringing her snout to his ear, she breathed a single word - rather a name. “Cadance…”
He went rigid as his mind raced. Holy hell - she might have been onto something with that. Love was an abstract concept at best, although Cadance was the Princess of the stuff. While it may have been a long shot, particularly because things had gotten sticky during their last encounter, getting insight from the amorous alicorn certainly couldn’t hurt anything.
“But,” Eris cooed, tensing her legs while wrapping her tail around his midsection, “we can do that later…”
Even if he’d wanted to resist, which he very much didn’t, there wasn’t a damn thing he could do to stop her. She was bigger than him, physically stronger than him, and she was in dire need of some relief. With nothing more to be said, not for the least of which reasons being her repositioning and jamming her long, forked tongue into his mouth, he yielded and plunged into her.
Neither too snug nor too loose, her velvety confines sat squarely in the goldilocks zone of perfection. Though he’d initially intended to take his time, she was hardly in the mood for anything close to restraint. He wanted her as much as she wanted him, between the flirting, appetizer, and promise that they’d be more than just friends with benefits, and he knew when to pull out the stops.
Slamming the last few inches of his length into her, he ground his cock-head against her womb and set to plowing her with reckless abandon. The kiss, the sensation of her milking his dick, the sound of her blissfully moaning - they were all exquisite. Though he was reluctant to jinx himself, he could see himself having a lot of fun with her.
Wild thoughts flitted about his mind while he fell into a steady, breakneck rhythm of railing her. Their dull groans, muffled into one another’s maws, were joined by the drumbeat of their colliding bodies. For all her terrifying strength, the pleasure he wrought upon her rendered her helpless - or so he thought.
Faster than he could think, she rolled violently to one side. The move was swift and brutal, giving him no time to respond, and he found himself pinned beneath her. As he gazed up at her, utterly dumbfounded, she pulled away and arched her back. She was beautiful and dreadful, the sort of being that should have left him quaking in his boots, yet the view of her from below set his heart fluttering.
“Fuck,” he wheezed, grabbing her hips to thrust into her.
Screwing herself on him, she affixed him with a twisted smile. “How - Nnnnnm - very observant…”
For the briefest of moments, a mere flash, he was tempted to tell her that he loved her. His hormones and carnal desires were maddening, flaying what little sanity he had left, although there was a truth to the notion that he deeply cared for her. She was one of, if not the only creature in all the land who could withstand the full brunt of his sexual prowess, his preternatural ability to make any creature long for him, and he was going to push himself to conquer her.
“So - Buck - fierce,” she growled, bending forward while wantonly riding him. “If I didn’t know better, I’d - Mnnph - say you were trying to best me.”
“Trying?” he grunted, hauling her down while bucking upward with all his might. “I’m just getting started!”
His skills in bed were the only thing that could give him an edge against her - even then, the chances of him defeating her in any capacity her were slim. Planting his feet, he altered the angle of his pistoning cock to pound against her g-spot. His efforts were instantly rewarded with a delighted squeal as she quaked atop him.
Give and take - that’s what any relationship worth its salt was founded on. He highly doubted that she’d ever become some prim and proper homemaker, although that suited him just fine. She was perfect the way she was, smug as all get-out and delightfully devilish, and there wasn’t a damn thing he’d ever change about her.
He threw one hand upward and tweaked the nipple of her right breast while reaching down to rub his thumb against her clit. Making her cum before him wouldn’t change much - if anything, it may get her more riled up than ever, but it would make a point. He hadn’t the faintest idea of how many partners she’d had in the past, how capable they’d been of pleasing her, or even what species they’d been, but that wasn’t wasn’t going to stop him from giving her his all.
The assault on her clit, breast, and g-spot proved to be devastatingly effective, bringing her motions to a shuddering halt. Her chest heaved, setting her udder-like bosoms to sway, while she gnawed on her lower lip. He’d seen the look a thousand times on a pantheon of creatures, and it meant one thing - she was getting close.
While he would have liked to suck her tit, the anatomical differences between them made that an impossibility with the way they were situated. Jackhammering her without the slightest shred of restraint, he was hit with inspiration. Though she’d turned the tables on him and mounted him, there wasn’t a damn thing from him flipping the metaphorical script to regain his place on top.
He clenched his jaw, kicked off with one leg, and set her off balance. She had no time to correct herself, mired in rapture as he was, and he was going to keep it that way. Rolling atop her and straddling her tail, keeping his manhood buried the entire time, he ravaged her like a heroic, lecherous hero of legend.
“You’re mine,” he snarled, extending a hand to seize her by one horn.
“P…prove it,” she sputtered as he pulled her head closer.
Staring into her eyes, he moved in for the kill. “I will.”
He locked lips with her the moment he finished giving his grand proclamation. Convulsing beneath him, she met her climactic end as soon as his tongue sank into her muzzle. Sweltering juices erupted from her battered confines, bathing his lower half and the bed in her nectar, while she howled and shook like a leaf in the wind.
The victory was sweet, but it came at a great cost. The suddenness of her appearance, learning she was carrying his child, her otherworldly charm, and just how damn good she was in the sack tested his limits to the breaking point and beyond. Hurdling to and well beyond the threshold, he held back his release for as long as he could.
He was fortunate to have lasted as long as he did, giving her a second orgasm before he crossed the finish line. Hilting himself, he groaned as he succumbed. Ropes of virile spunk surged through his pulsing cock, bathing her interior while their tongues remained entwined. She came right alongside him, milking him and gushing a cocktail of their syrupy essences until they both fell still.
The air absolutely reeked of sex, their bodies were covered in sweat, and they’d made a spectacular mess of her bed. Shakily pulling back and releasing her, he felt a smile creep across his face. She mirrored him, grinning from ear to ear as she languidly ran a clawed toe up and down his lower back.
“F…for the - Cough - record, I missed this too,” she weakly rasped.
Nodding and wiping sweat from his brow, he nodded. “S…same…”
“Anon, I fear you’re growing on me,” sighed. “Should we keep this up, ponies may start to talk…”
The mirth in her voice warmed the depths of his heart. Peering upward, through the valley of her bust and to her face, he hugged her midsection. “Good. I’m not saying we need to go telling everypony we’re a thing, but -”
“Oh shut up,” she hummed, moving in to give his forehead a little peck. “Ponies talk about the two of us as it is, so I’m sure it’ll only be a matter of time until everypony in Equestria is gabbing about how we’re a couple.”
His eyes widened and smile broadened. “You think?”
“I know,” she corrected. “Of course, if you wanted this to remain under wraps, I could always…”
Seeing her lift a hand while pressing a finger to her thumb, he reached over and took her by the wrist. “No - no more screwing around with ponies’ heads. I can’t speak for you, but I’d be proud to have folks knowing we’re together.”
She closed her eyes and gave a deep, contented sigh as she held him close and drew a clawed toe up and down his lower back. “What am I going to do with you?”
“Keep me, I hope,” he snickered. “I promise, I’ll do everything I can for and our -”
“Ok ok ok,” she giggled, “that’s enough waxing poetic for one evening. Let’s just enjoy ourselves and see how things shake out - goodness, you act like we’re already betrothed!”
There were a million things he wanted to say, his emotions nearly bursting from the seams, but he forced himself to stay quiet. At the risk of jumping the gun, he really felt like this was it - like he may have found the one. As he snuggled against her and mused on what the future held for them, a sense of profound hope welled up within him. Maybe - just maybe this was the start of his happy ever after…
