Cheerilee's Absurd Day Off
CHAPTER 1
“Now who can tell me what size the Tipler cylinder should hypothetically have to allow a pony to travel through time… ?”
As Cheerilee turned around, she realized that her students hadn't been listening to a thing she said for the past 15 minutes. Snips and Snails were chuckling at the doodles they drew in their notebooks. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were discussing their plans for the week-end. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were talking Sweetie Belle into signing up for some magic competition, while Sweetie Belle was trying to explain to them that it's not a small competition and that the greatest unicorns in Equestria are participating. Berry Pinch was reading the latest Daring Do book by A.K. Yearling. Dinky was sleeping.
Cheerilee face-hoofed and let out a long, loud sigh that immediately caught most of the class’s attention.
“Are you okay, Miss Cheerilee ?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“No.”
“What's wrong ?” Scootaloo asked.
“I am tired of having to repeat myself twice all the time.”
“Sorry. Ah think that's mah fault,” Apple Bloom apologized, thinking about the last 30 times she hadn’t paid attention in class… which all happened today.
“No no, it's not anypony's fault ! It's just… I've been giving a lot of homework lately. You foals just need a break.” Cheerilee reached for her desk to try to sip some coffee, only to find that her coffee mug was empty again.
Snips noticed it. “Maybe you need a break too.”
Cheerilee took note of Snips's suggestion. She scratched her chin while thinking about it, then she grinned. “Actually, good idea Snips.” She slammed her hoof on her desk. “That's it ! It's decided ! Tomorrow, no one comes to class. I'm taking a day off, and all of you too.”
“Yayyy !” All the students cheered, except Dinky who was still sleeping.
“I think we all deserve one,” Cheerilee finished.
****
Cheerilee woke up to her alarm clock, which she immediately knocked off the bedside table. She also knocked over the table itself. She went downstairs and took carrot juice with cereal for breakfast. She watered the plants in her garden then went on the stroll around Ponyville that she had planned.
Ponyville seemed rather calm today. Not many ponies were in the streets, probably due to being busy at work or for other reasons. It was normally a work day, after all. Cheerilee went to Carrousel Boutique to look over the dresses, to see if she would buy some. When she was about to pass the entrance door, she bumped into a mare with a large cloak, hat, and glasses who was trotting out of the boutique.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t see you there…” Cheerilee suddenly stopped when she realized who was in front of her. “A.K. Yearling ?”
“Um… hi. Sorry, I'm kind of in a rush, right now. Books to write, and stuff.” A.K. Yearling quickly went away while waving Cheerilee goodbye.
“Huh.” Cheerilee stood in silence for a few seconds. She then finally entered Carrousel Boutique.
“Hello ! Welcome to– oh, Miss Cheerilee ? It's rare to see you here. Welcome !” Rarity, the owner of the boutique, greeted her happily.
“Hello, Miss Rarity.”
Cheerilee came and looked over some of the dresses. She wanted to find something that wouldn't look too bland, without clashing with her fur's colors. Her eyes stopped on a yellow dress that she liked, along with a cool cape to go with it. After looking at the prices to make sure she could afford them, and they were surprisingly cheap, she tried them on and bought them.
Cheerilee wasn’t usually one for costumes, but she thought that maybe casually wearing one would be a change of pace, at least for the day, just to try. It wasn’t usual for most ponies to wear as much clothing outside of special events, but some did anyway for the heck of it. And Cheerilee almost considered this day off as a special event for her.
****
While wandering around town, pondering on what to do, Cheerilee came across a stand with a unicorn stallion in front of it.
“Five minutes left before the end of the inscriptions ! Quick ! Sign up to our talent contest and try to win a prize !”
Cheerilee considered. She didn't have many talents that could work for a contest, as gardening and teaching both take too much time to attract a public's attention, but it's not like she'd lose anything just trying. She went over to the stand.
“I'll sign up.”
The unicorn looked surprised, and somewhat confused for some reason. “Um, are you sure, Miss… ?”
“Cheerilee. And yes, I am sure.”
The unicorn scratched his head, not sure of what to say, and he eventually wrote down Cheerilee's name in the contestants list. “The contest will take place in a few minutes, over there.” He pointed over toward a stage that had been installed near the town square of Ponyville.
Cheerilee cheerfully trotted over to it. She was glad she had bought that dress earlier, so looking good wouldn't be a problem. Now she had to start thinking about what she was actually going to do on stage.
She came in front of the stage and sat down with the other contestants on a row of chairs where the organizers had asked them to sit. Next to her was a somewhat familiar cyan mare with a purple cape and hat.
“Aren’t you that teacher at the local school ?”
“Please Trixie, if you're going to talk to me, call me Cheerilee.”
“It's the GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie for you. Don't mess it up.”
Then, a unicorn mare who seemed to be an organizer walked on the stage and started talking. “Your attention please ! Fillies and gentlecolts ! You have come from far and wide to show a demonstration of your magical talent ! I'm Emerald Flower, and I'll be your host and one of the judges !”
Then, realization hit Cheerilee. She looked at the rest of the contestants and… they were all unicorns. This was a magic competition. ‘Oh no.’
“LET THE GAMES BEGIN !”
‘OH NO.’
“…in two hours, when the fourth judge's train arrives in Ponyville.”
Cheerilee sighed in relief, then thought. ‘Wait, I only have a few hours to prepare for a magic show. And I can’t do magic !’ “OH NO !” she ended up exclaiming out loud.
“What's wrong ?” Trixie asked smuggly. “Scared to get your flank kicked ?”
“What ? I mean… NO ! I'm, uh, scared that my opponents might be too ashamed after being defeated by me, and, uh, um…” Cheerilee didn’t know what to say next.
“Hmpf ! Say what you want, but the Great and Powerful Trixie is the one who will make you cry.” Trixie sat back more comfortably, leaning her hat over her eyes.
Cheerilee thought to herself, ‘Great… I really got myself into a mess with this one. I guess that's on me for signing up to a random contest without thinking.’
****
While waiting for the contest to start, the participants wandered about around town. Cheerilee absolutely needed to find a plan. What was she going to do in that contest ? Magic ? How ? Can earth ponies do magic ? She needed to ask someone who knows more about this.
Cheerilee first went to the Castle of Friendship, thinking she might find the answer in a book. The library section of it, which was the biggest library in town, was opened to Princess Twilight's friends, and Cheerilee hoped that ‘teacher of a friend's sister’ was good enough to let her enter. Thankfully Princess Twilight was very keen on letting her in anyway as soon as she heard the word ‘book’.
Cheerilee sat and started scrolling through books on magic for a few minutes. Good news was that she found an answer quickly ; bad news was that the answer was ‘no, earth ponies can't do magic’. She slammed the book shut and laid her face on its cover, grunting for a while.
Princess Twilight came into the room with a tea set for her guest when she saw the look of despair on Cheerilee. “Um, are you okay ?”
“No,” Cheerilee moaned. She raised her head. “I entered a magic contest without thinking, and now I can’t do anything about it.”
“This explains the costume then…”
“Actually…” Cheerilee suddenly forgot her bad mood for a second. “I bought it for myself. I don't know, it just looked cool.”
“I see… Well, I can confirm, it looks good on you.”
Cheerilee cheered up. “Thank you, Princess Twilight. I needed to hear that.”
****
Cheerilee went for a stroll once again. She figured that thinking about that contest too much wouldn't help, so she'd be better off simply ignoring it for now. She went to buy a snack at Sugarcube Corner when she bumped into A.K. Yearling at the entrance.
“Oh, A.K. Yearling. That's the second time today.”
“Oh, um, sorry.” A.K. looked around. “Uh, say, would you happen to have seen Rainbow Dash today ? Anywhere ?”
“Sorry, I haven’t,” Cheerilee responded.
“Aight. I've been looking for her for an hour. I really need her help, right now.”
“Is it… something I can help with ?”
“Um.” A.K. Yearling hesitated. “I guess you could help too. But, aren’t you too busy ?”
“I'm having the day off.”
A.K. considered. “I don't know how many options I have right now… Okay ! You can come with me. But, are you sure ? I mean, if you're having a break…”
“It's alright, really,” Cheerilee reassured her.
****
Cheerilee finished eating the donuts that she bought. She was carrying a rather heavy saddlebag with what she assumed could only be bricks inside. And she had been told not to look inside. A.K. Yearling was carrying a similar bag herself. They were traversing the Everfree Forest.
“So, where are we going already ?” Cheerilee asked.
“Somewhere I cannot tell you,” A.K. answered. “I promise you won't have to be involved with anything… too dangerous.”
This didn’t reassure Cheerilee. They arrived at what looked like an ancient pyramid in a small clearing in the middle of the woods. A.K. Yearling asked Cheerilee to stay near a lever at one side of the pyramid, while she went to another lever on the other side.
“We do it in three ! One… two… three !” A.K. shouted as they both pulled the respective levers they were close to.
Suddenly, an entrance hole at the top of the pyramid opened. Cheerilee watched in confusion while A.K. Yearling changed herself into a Daring Do costume.
“I should be able to take it from there.” Said A.K. Yearling/Daring Do as she took one of the heavy saddlebags that they brought. “You can go on with your day now.”
“YOU'RE DARING DO ?” Cheerilee asked in shock.
“…yeah, I probably shouldn’t have changed in front of you. Whatever, time to save the world ! See you later !” Daring Do waved as she took a saddlebag and dropped it in the pyramid's top entrance before jumping in herself.
Cheerilee stood still, her jaw dropping. She regained her senses a short while later. “Time to go on with my day I guess.” She took her saddlebag and went back to Ponyville.
Author's Note
I hope you enjoy this story...
...even if it doesn't make sense.
Cheerilee's Absurd Day Off
CHAPTER 2
Cheerilee was still surprised by the events that had happened in the Everfree Forest when she arrived back in Ponyville. Daring Do herself ; out of all things that could've happened today, she had to discover that Daring Do was real. She sat back on a park bench to catch her breath. When she took her saddlebag off of her back, she realized that it was surprisingly heavy. Then she realized that it still contained whatever Daring Do had asked her to bring to the forest.
‘I should… probably bring it back to her. I think she was talking about saving the world.’ she thought.
Before Cheerilee could do anything though, she was interrupted by the voice of Trixie, who was galloping toward her.
“Hey, you, the teacher ! Don't you know the contest starts in 20 minutes ?” Trixie said as she stopped next to the bench.
“I don't really care. I think I might drop out,” Cheerilee answered. “Plus, I have something else to do…”
“Well, too bad. Trixie was hoping she could see what you had planned for the contest. An earth pony doing magic isn't something you see everyday.” Trixie smirked. “And I was hoping to have a good laugh seeing you fail miserably.”
That last taunt got to Cheerilee. She pondered, but then figured that ‘saving the world’ could wait until her pride was repaired.
“Alright then, I'll make you eat those words.”
****
The contest had begun. The contestants were waiting in a room behind the stage as, one by one, they climbed on the stage and presented their magic tricks to the 4 judges. Said judges weren’t easily impressed by what they were seeing, but some contestants were talented enough to catch their attention all the way through. Eventually, it was Cheerilee's turn to go. She had to leave her saddlebag on a chair backstage, due to how unwieldy it was with whatever was inside. Trixie was tauntingly chuckling at her as she went, but she tried to ignore it.
Cheerilee was standing on the stage, with a chalkboard behind her. The four judges looked at her while exchanging some whispers to each other. Cheerilee cleared her throat.
“Hello class ! Today, we are going to learn French !”
The judges were confused. They tried to make sense of what was happening while Cheerilee wrote ‘LEÇON DE FRANÇAIS’ on the board.
“Let's start simple, shall we ?” Cheerilee turned back to face the judges, then pointed a hoof at one of them. “You, the green one. Can you present yourself to the class ?”
“Um… My name is Emerald Flower. I'm the host of this magic contest.”
“Good.” Cheerilee clapped her forehooves together. “Now say it in French.”
Emerald Flower didn’t know what to respond.
“Come on, it's easy.” Cheerilee wrote down what Emerald Flower had said on the chalkboard. “First, do you know how to say ‘my’ ?”
Emerald shook her head.
“In French, ‘my’ translates to either ‘mon’, ‘ma’, or ‘mes’, depending on whether the noun they modify is masculine, feminine, or plural. In the case of ‘name’, which translates to ‘nom’, it is masculine.”
Emerald nodded. “So, ‘my name’ translates to ‘mon nom’.”
“Exactly ! Now we need to translate the verb ‘to be’, or ‘être’ in French.”
****
“Mon nom est Emerald Flower. Je suis l'animatrice de ce concours de magie.”
The three other judges applauded her. Cheerilee smiled. “Now you know how to speak French. I am done here.”
“Merci, Mademoiselle Cheerilee !” the four judges said at once.
“Au revoir, mes petits poneys !”
Cheerilee took her chalkboard with her as she went back to the backstage area. Trixie, who had been watching, stood still, in shock.
“What was that !?”
“I gave a French lesson to the judges.” Then, realization suddenly hit Cheerilee. “Aaaand I just found out I was working on what is supposed to be my day off. Damn it !”
Cheerilee went back to the seat where she had left her saddlebag, only to find that it wasn’t there.
“Um, Trixie…”
“Please ! It's ‘the GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie’.”
“Right… Say, do you happen to know who stole my saddlebag ?”
“Well I believe it was you…” Trixie got startled at what she just said. She looked visibly embarrassed. “I mean, it was somepony who looked exactly like you, but with an eyepatch. I thought it was part of the magic trick, so I didn’t say anything, but now I'm remembering that an earth pony couldn’t really duplicate themself, and she was really sneaky like she didn't want to be seen, so… yeah, it was probably an imposter.”
Cheerilee didn’t know what to say, so she simply stood there, looking at Trixie for a while, with a blank expression on her face. Once she finally made sense of what Trixie had just said, she asked : “Where did this imposter go ?”
****
The two arrived at Sweet Apple Acres. Cheerilee didn’t seem convinced by Trixie's certainty.
“How do you know that the imposter went here, again ?” Cheerilee asked.
“I don't ! But it doesn't hurt to search.” Trixie said candidly.
Cheerilee face-hoofed at how wrong Trixie's logic was, but decided to go along anyway due to having no other solution to find her saddlebag. The two entered the apple farm and went to the Apple family's house. Trixie knocked, and Big Macintosh answered the door.
“Hi, Big Mac…” Cheerilee said, embarrassed, trying not to think about the ‘love poison’ incident that they went through that one time.
Big Macintosh simply waved blankly while avoiding eye contact.
Trixie realized that neither Big Mac nor Cheerilee would speak any more words to each other, so she spoke herself. “Hello, Big Mac ! Say, did you happen to witness a pony who looks just like Cheerilee today, but older, with an eyepatch, and without that ridiculous dress… ?”
Cheerilee shot daggers at Trixie with her eyes… metaphorically.
“I mean, without a dress. Yours is fabulous, Cheer.”
Big Mac was expressionless. He stared at nothing into the distance for a bit, then he simply answered “…Eeyup.”
“Okay. Where is she ?”
“She's stealin’ some apples over there.” Big Mac pointed toward one of the farm's acres of apple trees, a few yards away.
Trixie looked at him in confusion. “You don't seem bothered by it.”
“One pony can't steal more than just a few apples. Ah think Ah'll be fine.”
Trixie and Cheerilee thanked Big Macintosh and went toward where the imposter presumably was busy stealing apples. There, they found a perfect copy of Cheerilee, but with an eyepatch and without the dress she had bought today. She was eating a whole basket of apples on the ground next to a tree. Next to her was Cheerilee's stolen saddlebag.
“Hey, you !” Trixie shouted.
The Cheerilee copy paused her eating and turned around to see who interrupted her.
“It's cliché for a teacher to eat apples, you walking stereotype !”
Cheerilee hit Trixie on the shoulder to make her shut up. She then said to her imposter, “I believe you have something that is mine.”
The Cheerilee copy stood up, wiped the stains of apple juice off of her face, and said in a perfect imitation of Cheerilee's voice, “It's not stealing if it's already mine.” She chuckled. “Oh, but where are my manners ? I forgot to present myself. I go by ‘Professor C’, but my actual name is… Cheerilee.
“I'm you from the future.”
Trixie looked at Professor C, then back at Cheerilee. “Your ‘future you’ has a better fashion sense.”
“She's naked !” Cheerilee replied to Trixie.
“Trixie still has a point.” Trixie said calmly.
“You're not one to talk. You have a cape too !”
“While yes, capes are cool, I think your dress is a bit overkill. And let's be real, her eyepatch is really badass.”
Cheerilee tried to think of a counter argument, but ended up simply nodding at that last statement. “You distract her while I get the bag back ?”
“Okay.”
Trixie tossed a smoke bomb at Professor C to stun her, then jumped on her to pin her to the ground. Meanwhile, Cheerilee rushed to the saddlebag and picked it up. She then ran away with it, heading toward the Everfree Forest.
“Oh no, you won't,” Professor C said as the smoke cleared, pushing Trixie off of herself with relative ease. She then stomped Trixie on the nose to stun her back, giving herself enough time to start running after her past self. She then fell to the ground in the middle of her rush due to something suddenly pulling on her tail. She turned her head around to see that it was Trixie who was holding her with her magic.
“Where do you think you're going ?” Trixie said, rubbing her nose.
“Because you think you can stop me ?” Professor C replied, scowling at the magician.
“And you think that teaching French to Trixie will prevent her from stopping you ?”
Professor C was out of words for a moment. “You mean… OH, the magic contest ! That's what you're talking about,” she finally said. “But you realize that this is a fight and not a show, right ?”
“Well, duh ! Obviously.” Trixie rolled her eyes.
“And you realize that I'm from the future, right ?”
It was now Trixie who was out of words. She simply stared at Professor C, waiting for her to finish her statement.
“That means I have laser beams.”
Then, it finally clicked in Trixie's head. “Oh.” She looked worried as it clicked again. “OH NO.”
Suddenly, Professor C's hind legs mechanically turned into futuristic looking cannons that shot devastating lasers toward Trixie, forcing the latter to lose her magical grip from Professor C's tail in order to dodge the lasers. The apple tree behind Trixie wasn’t fast enough to avoid being burnt to death by those beams.
As Trixie was laying in the dirt floor after successfully having saved her life from the laser beams, Professor C immediately took this opportunity to stand up and continue chasing after her past self, into the Everfree Forest.
****
Cheerilee was galloping as fast as she could in that forest.
Then she stopped, realizing that she was lost.
‘I mean, there’s a reason why I'll never organize a school trip in these woods.’
After she spent a few seconds catching her breath, Cheerilee's attention was caught by some strange music coming from afar. As the source of the sound drew closer, it became apparent that it was hard rock music. Cheerilee looked toward where she thought the sound was coming from.
Between the trees, in the distance, she saw Professor C, rapidly flying toward her with what looked like rockets instead of her hind legs. She was using her forelegs to play electric guitar, violently, hence the hard rock sound. On her face was an exaggerated scowl.
Cheerilee leaned her head forward and squinted, trying to comprehend what she was looking at. “Why is she— ?”
Professor C finally got up to Cheerilee, hitting her at supersonic speed with a swing of her guitar. Cheerilee was thrown into the air and landed multiple dozen yards away into the forest, dropping her bag on the ground next to Professor C.
Author's Note
This plot is really dumb, and that's why I'm writing it.