LOVE DRAWN IN INK

by Bric_A_Brac_INKSPLASH

Chapters

My dear Pinkamina.
I Will Make Him Pay

My dear Pinkamina.

Author's Note

this chapter does not contain anything that bad as of yet, and also I will edit this more later.

Thanks to DeathToPonys for proofreading.

My dear Pinkamina.

You brighten my day rivaling Celestia her self.

Heating me up so I may melt.

When you walk my way I see the confetti stuck in your pelt, and I wish I could wipe it away with the slightest felt.

From where I'm from to where I am, all I have planned is to see you again.

I dont know what the future holds, I could imagine myself growing old.

But only if your there, living as my mare.

With you there, I will have no fear my dear.

"Finally done!" I would say to myself, finally finishing my poem.

"This one I'm sure she will find exquisite." I said, running my hoof over a picture of Pinkie I had hanging on my wall. I then got up to try to wash off some ink that I had spilled on my hoof by going to the bathroom. When I was finished, I looked in the mirror. Normally, I detested seeing myself, but today was different because I was going to see someone.

I then took a closer look at my appearance, including my dark, shaggy hair, my white, pale coat, and my cutie mark—the thing that initially inspired me to write poetry. It was a cartoonish heart shape that appeared to be dripping with ink. You know, I have always found the concept of a cutie mark to be pretty peculiar. After all, how can a mark identify your strongest skill?

Sure, it is meant to highlight your strengths, but are you really in need of it if it does not make your life easier? The only thing my mark has helped me with is being despised by everyone, including my own parents, who I thought I could trust. I escaped them for that reason. Well, that is enough rambling; I have a date to go to.

Oh right, you do not know, Let me bring you up to speed.

It had been weeks since I had moved here; I was running from my family. They were, shall we say, abusive. Is that the right word? Yes, abusive. And I came to Ponyville hoping to find refuge among the populace. I was terrified for most of the time I stayed there, but one week in, I could remember the day in perfect detail.

It was a Saturday mourning, and I had just moved into a small apartment after a very drawn-out employment search. I became aware of how terrible my conversation skills were while I was strolling to get groceries. I tried to pay most of the time by not talking because I was so nervous that most people thought I was hard of hearing. Still, I was able to survive.

I performed music and recited poetry for a living; I would perform my own writings near the town market.

It was one of those days when I would go out and perform, sing, and try to get as much attention as possible. I received some money, but not much, just a few bits here and there. However, everything changed when the pink mare came over to my bucket. At first she gasped and ran off, but she came back quickly, dropping ten bits in a row before running off again. I ceased playing out of shock, only to realize that she had already departed when I looked up. To be honest, I was a little confused by this, but she did pay ten bits, so I was happy about that.

I made the decision to go home after completing my work for the day. But, I ran into the pink mare once more when I was out for a stroll. I attempted to greet her by waving, but she simply grabbed my hoof and said she had a surprise for me. She forced us through one alleyway and into another, and I was too afraid to ask her what she was doing because it was terrifying right then.

When we got there, we were in a part of town I had never been before. With haste, she had turned around and gestured to the structure in front of us, which looked like a gingerbread house straight out of Hammer and Grittle.

"Hi, I am Pinkie Pie," she greeted. I am sorry I did not get to finish listening to your song earlier, but I had to head out to get ready for your party. You were so talented at singing and playing that I had to welcome you even though I had never seen you before and I never, ever, ever arrive late for a welcome to Ponyville party. So, how long have you lived here?

"Uh, a week?" I would say.

"Can you tell me what this is all abo-" I would be interrupted when the pink mare began rambling again.

Gasp! "What! For that long, wow I must really be getting rusty, I mean I only just now met you? She would then softly hit herself on the head, saying "Bad Pinkie!, Bad Pinkie!" after which she would stop and look at me with those big blue eyes that were like the deepest of oceans, saying, "Well, let us go in already, everypony is waiting for you!"

"Wait, did you say everypony?" I would inquire nervously.

"Yep, I did" pinkie would say.

"And, there waiting for me? In there?" I would ask, eyes flicking between Pinkie and the building.

"Yep, hey you should really not underestimate your hearing silly. I mean, you got everything I said right so far." Pinkie would giggle.

"Right." I would say with a heavy gulp.

We walk in and immediately I was surprised as everypony jumped out and scared the buck out of me. As a slew of random ponies I did not know, as well as some I did, appeared and announced, "SURPRISE WELCOME TO PONYVILLE INK!"

"Wow. For me, a nobody, you did this whole thing?" I would ask, speechless and perplexed.

"Yep, I figured you did not have any friends, so I decided to give you all of them, with their permission of course!" Pinky would say

"Wow I dont know what to say? Thank yo-" I would try to say as I am again interrupted.

"Do not say anything silly; just party!" She would say, grabbing me by the hoof and pushing me deeper into the building.

After a while of dancing and playing, I would simply sit down, content that I had had a good time. Pinkie would sit next to me and talk for hours and hours, even after the other ponies had gone. The feeling I had with her at the moment was indescribable; it was akin to a million fireworks or a thousand supernovas! I was trying to calm down as I stared into her gorgeous eyes, but this was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I could not help but wonder if this was what love felt like. It felt just like it was described in the songs and poems I used to read and hear.

But the moment had to end eventually, and it did when she had felt tired and said that I better go home and get some sleep. I agreed, knowing that no matter how much I wanted to sleep with her, I could push her away if I asked, which I did not want, especially given how I was feeling at the time.

As the weeks and months passed, I became aware that I was seeing Pinkie more and more, even in private moments like when she was getting ready for bed or having a shower. "I should not be spying on ponys," is probably what is going through your mind. And yes, I know this is wrong, but does the fact that I am going the extra mile just show how much I care that she is so kind and considerate? And that it is genuinely romantic what I am doing?

Yes, it has to be, I will show her that I care, and I will know everything about her. But like I said, I would watch her almost every day, whether or not she knew I was there. Over the course of the months, I gradually covered my walls with pictures of her and wrote poems about her; it felt like my talent had a purpose in my life when I wrote poems about her, because I was able to capture her beauty with my talent.

Now that you are caught up, allow me to explain what I am doing at the moment. I am about to ask my lovely pink mare out on a date, and I can not lie, I am nervous. I even attached a little metal balloon-shaped pin to my suit as a way of showing her how much I loved her. I understand that I might come across as a bit dramatic, but I have always been a theater colt, and she probably is too.

I had never felt more confident than I did when I left my apartment; I was nervous, but I had to do this to show my appreciation to her for giving me a reason to live. Even so, I bought her flowers, which were a pretty pink that complemented her coat. Her coat was still better, though, so I hope she likes them.

I walked up to the spot where she had taken me to the party the day we met, looked in the window, and...

What?

What is this?

Through the window I saw a stallion that looked just like Pinkie, complete with the same kind of curly hair, conversing with her. He looked like a cheap imitation. Well that is fine—she can have friends—I wish we could have had some alone time th-THEY KISSED! No, this cannot be happening!

Alright, I get it now. This is not a coincidence; the stallion actually anticipated my arrival, did not he? Why else would he be out on a date on the day I want to ask her out if he did not know I wanted her? He must want to take her away from me; well, this just will not do now will it? Oh, dear Pinkie, My dear Pinkamina, for your love I will MAKE HIM PAY!

END CHAPTER ONE

I Will Make Him Pay

I am a coward.

I always have been.

Every time my father would try to teach me how to deal with the bullies at school, I would just freeze, unable to do anything but stare pain in the face.

Pain is my only friend, or at least the only real one. Pain has never left me, no matter how hard I try to escape from it. It never left when my parents would call me a failure; it never left as the ponys at school hit me blow after blow as I begged them to stop, pleading for my life as they cut me and told me not to tell. It has never left me, even when everypony else did. And at this point, I wish it would leave as well.

Sadly, it keeps coming back, and right now it is breathing down my neck as I watch the love of my life get swept away by another stallion. I couldn't even have this; I just can't get what I want, no matter what I do. Will I always be the butt of the world's cruel joke?

Or is it that i'm the joke?

I went home.

I gave up.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as the townspeople watched in concern. Anypony who came close, I would simply walk past, ignoring them because the only thing I could hear was the voice of pain. As I walked home, it told me,"You are a coward; if you had just been better, it would have worked, but you just had to go buck it up, didn't you?"

Then it dawned on me: my talent is not in creating art or music; rather, it is ruining everything good around me. That is why, when I arrived home, I grabbed some rope from the closet, went into the bathroom, and tied a noose around the pole of my shower curtain.

I left a note for anypony who found me to read, but it was intended for Pinkamina specifically. I wrote, "Dear whoever found this, I apologize for wasting space, so please give all of my possessions and apartment to whoever needs them, thank you."

"Also, Pinkie, if you are reading this, I am sorry, but I want you to know I always loved you, sorry I was not good enough for your love." I wrote at the bottom of the note.

To ensure that any pony entering would see the note when I shut the door behind me, I affixed it to the bathroom door. My horn flared to life as I approached the noose, lifting the rope with its magical grasp with a dark aura. But just when I was about to end it all, that voice piped up again.

"Do it, finally take your own life and give back to the planet that gave birth to your pitiful existence."

The voice echo's from the deepest depths of my mind, repeating over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, its voice never stops. I pause my approach, my breath quickening and my heart beating like a drum as I felt the fear of death bleed into my mind.

"Ah, just as I thought, a twat like you can't even commit suicide properly. Isn't that hilarious."

I slowly fell to the floor next to the cabinets under my sink as my legs gave out. I tried to close my eyes to shield myself from the countless insults my mind hurled my way.

Twat.

Buffoon.

Idiot.

Retard.

Biggot.

Bastard.

My front legs curled up over my head, trying to hide me from the outside world, and I practically started screaming into them as I broke down and began to cry.

I screamed until I could feel my vocal cords bleeding.

I screamed until the voice in my head decided to stop speaking.

I screamed until my tears dried up.

I screamed until I could not anymore, and then I let myself gasp for air.

I slowly stood up, and after a few more falls, I finally reached my hooves. I stood in front of my mirror, but I kept my head down, afraid of what I would see if I looked into it.

"DO IT, LOOK AT YOURSELF, AND SEE WHAT YOU COULD HAVE BECOME IF YOU HAD NOT BEEN A COWARD! IT"S TIME TO SHOW YOU WHAT I SHOULD HAVE THIS ENTIRE TIME!"

"No. Whats the point?" I would say to the voice in my head.

DO.

IT.

"FINE!" I would scream as I slowly looked up and saw nothing but my own reflection—which seemed to be off in some way. I was about to doubt this when the reflection spoke in a voice that sounded like mine.

"Hello." It would say with a toothy grin.

"Who are you?" I say with confusion.

"I am you, only better, and I have something to show you."

"What are you saying?" I say, but this thing simply ignores me. The thing's horn emits a dark red aura. The entire world moves around me as I am drawn into the mirror, the world flowing away like water in a toilet bowl.

"Time for a trip down memory lane."

I felt nothing for a very long time. It felt like I was floating through nothingness, and it was both familiar and unfamiliar. I was unable to move or breathe during this state; all I could do was float aimlessly in any direction, sensing movement even though I could not see where I was going.

Then, slowly but steadily, I felt myself drift faster, and after an even longer period of time, I felt as if I had been catapulted across this seemingly empty space. The idea of sensation was gradually reintroduced to me as I became faster and my senses began to reassemble.

First was touch; I could feel the air whip across my body at incredible speed.

Then came smell, I could smell this weird metallic sent.

Third came taste; the same metallic taste was in my mouth.

At last, my eyes opened, revealing these light streaks traveling past me at breakneck speeds. And the seemingly empty space grew brighter and brighter until there was an increasing amount of light that blinded my newly opened eyes. I was moving too quickly to close my eyes, and soon the light became too intense for me to bear. I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks.

With the speed at which I was moving, I could actually feel the blood being forced from my body, either by being pushed out of existing holes or by creating new ones. I tried screaming, but I could not hear myself.

Then, out of nowhere, everything went dark.

I open my eyes, and there in front of me is the distorted version of myself that I saw in the mirror before that strange dream, which made me shiver.

"Hello again, welcome to Tarturas."

"WHAT? I'M DEAD?!" I would yell, sitting straight up with my eyes wide.

My clone would snicker. "No, you twat, you missed that chance long ago as I am sure you remember, we are in your head, well specifically where your memories go."

"And why are we here?"

"Because I need to show you something." he would say pulling me up to my hooves with magic.

"Who even are you and what do you need to show me that you needed to bring us here?"

"GOD!" he would yell

"So many bucking questions! But fine, I will humor you."

"I am the voice in your head, your self-deprecating thoughts, if you will; call me Pain. And as for what I have to show you, you will find out soon enough. So move your ass; we have got a long way to go." He would say this, and then use what I believe to be magic to force me to walk with him.

"What? That explanation is completely nonsensical. Those are my own thoughts; yes, they occurred naturally, but I was still thinking them at the time. How can I just have a strange, alternate personality all of a sudden?"

"Actually, I do not believe I am an alternate personality, and from what I can tell, this is all a dream, and you are simply puppeteering different characters in your head, similar to the poems you enjoy writing so much. It feels as though your mind created a narrative for you to follow in order to teach you a lesson, and in the process, it made me, a physical embodiment of your self hatred to help guide you. So at your service and all that shit."

"I believe that the only reason your mind was able to do this at all was because you wept yourself to sleep. And your mind received some inspiration from the thoughts you were having at the moment you fell unconscious."

"Furthermore, who knows? I could make enough of an impression on this dreamscape, memories, or whatever else this place is that your mind might carry me around as a little advisor to assist you with anything you might need assistance with. if you catch my drift?" The last bit, Pain would say with a hint of I'll intent.

"Yes, I believe I understand; there is a possibility that I will be stuck with you for the rest of my life. Thank you, but I would rather kill myself."

"Yeah, just like you tried before? or would you actually commit to it this time?" Pain would say, stopping in place, his head cocked to the side, his neck cracking and snapping just to look at me, he looked at me with a horrifing expression. His jaw appeared to be longer than normal, and it was gradually dropping to the ground, with his eyes bleeding black liquid with no eyeballs visible whatsoever.

I would jump back and look at him with disgust. In an instant, the black liquid that was dripping from his eyes was sucked back into his sockets as his head and jaw snapped back into position. Pain would continue trotting chuckling while doing so.

"Now get up here, we are almost there!" Trotting up to a massive metal door that appeared to be attached to the side of a mountain, akin to Cantorlot, especially because the mountain appeared to be a miniature version of the actual mountain, with the vault door in place of the actual city.

I would trot up next to the huge vault. "I'm getting a bad feeling from this door." I would say.

"Ha!" Pain would give a small laugh "Makes sense; this is where all your repressed memories go, your secret vault, if you will. This is what I wanted to show you. Pain's horn would flare to life, wind turning and twisting around its power. I will explain more once we get the damn thing open.

"What?! No, this is my mind after all, if I put this here then it must have been for a good reason and I think its ment to stay closed!" I would yell over the rushing wind.

"I'm sorry, sense when did you have a choice? Pain's eyes darkened once more, a waterfall of black liquid spilling from his eye sockets. I am here to guide you, remember? And this is how to do it. I do not want to see you fail over and over because you will get tired of trying to kill yourself and will just do it eventually, and as you said, I would never leave you, so you will not leave me either." Pain's eyes would then go back to normal magic still building in his horn as his expression softened.

"Sigh."the magic in the air seemed to dissipate and he would look at me with a more sympathetic expression.

"Ink Vein, you have to understand something. You must realize that I do everything I can to support you, regardless of how much it may seem like I despise or insult you. And you may not believe me, but tell me this, everytime time sompony would insults you, how much does it actually hurt these day's?"

I would think for a second. "Not so much anymore, why?"

"Exactly! I hurt you in order to make you stronger, I always have. Because whenever we would just sit and do nothing and try to be ourselves, we would be hurt, whether it was by our parents or bullies at school. I only made you feel pain to make you stronger. so then eventually you won't be bothered by it anymore."

"So, I am truly sorry, because I am you, and I understand your pain; in fact, I felt it as well. But you must relive these memories—the ones you hid away because of who you believe you will become. I am doing it for your benefit. I need you to know that no matter how dangerous you feel, no matter how blood thirsty, its ok. You need to learn to accept the monster, lean into it, become one with it, become one with me, and when you do that no one will ever be able to hurt us again. We can make that damn biggot of a stallion pay for trying to take our Pinkamina from us, and if you want to do that you need to be better."

"So, Once again I apologize, but we are out of time. Good bye, and I will see you when you wake up."

I begged him to stop, but I could not even speak because my body went limp, frozen in a standing position. The world appeared to be flying all over the place and accelerating, until the ground literally spun around me and collided with my body. As it did, the world fell apart, leaving what was left of it speeding behind me as I was propelled into yet another void.

And like in the last one, I was moving fast, I could see more of the streaks of light that I had seen before. As I flew faster, I noticed something in the distance. When I finally collided with it, I emerged in the sky above Canterlot. But as I came out of what seemed to be a portal, I was still moving at the same speed, I was falling very very fast and I was aimed right at my old school

I would hit the building, but instead of feeling pain, I would be confused as I fell through the ceiling. Finally, I would be left floating in the middle of a hallway, which I knew led to my old locker. As I recalled the abuse that had occurred in these hallways—the majority of which had occurred at my locker at the end of the hall—my eyes would well up with tears.

"NO, STOP! I DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE! NOT AGAIN!" I would scream, choking on my own tears, but as I yelled this. The force making me fly took this as the que to act again. I would then go flying down the hallway at a speed that I was convinced even a wonderbolt could not reach.

Finally, I saw the end; there in the distance by the lockers at the end of the hall, I saw myself, my young self, and as I moved towards myself, I braced for impact, but yet again no pain came, only confusion. As I collided, everything went black.

It had been a rough day. To start, when I told my parents about the bullying, they did not think I was telling the truth; instead, they said I had deserved it because I was a failure and would not amount to anything, and that I was lucky they had bothered to send me to school in the first place.

Second, I had forgotten my locker pass code, so I am now missing class trying to get my locker open so I can have the notes for today's math test. However, I believe that I am deliberately taking my time at this point because I do not want to deal with another lecture because my life is already awful as it is without some teacher yapping in my ear.

"Well, well, well, look who it is." I could hear somepony say to my left. The voice I heard I knew well, it was the voice of Sandy Starsport. The popular pony, who was simultaneously hated and adored by all of the other ponies in the school.

Usually, I could avoid any long-term harm if I tried to ignore him, so that's what I did, I ignored him.

"So, your going to play this game again, huh? Don't you remember what happened last time you stayed quiet?"

"..."

"Oh, I see you want me to try and cut the pathetic cutie mark off again dont you? I mean do you even really need it? It's
supposed to mean your creative right? So, what makes you believe that any pony in this world will ever love anything you create?"

My eyes widened as I realized I had reached a dead end and my rear end had collided with another locker as I began to back away from him.

My voice would tremble. "Please stop."

Sandy's horn would start to glow as a small knife would float up and out of his bag. "Don't worry, I am just going to get rid of that worthless mark. And who knows, a new, better one could take its place." Sandy would say.

The knife then started to fly toward me; it was aimed at my flank. In a moment, I utilized my magic to deflect it, sending it flying straight back at Sandy, who had dodged it the last second, his eyes going wide as he slowly started to look back at me, anger taking over his features.

"Well, it appears that the little twat has grown some balls. Let us see how he handles a good beating." Sandy would say, quickly moving over to me.

"No! No, please, I'm sorry!" I begged, but I'm sure it met deaf ears.

He stepped forward, slamming his hoof into my face, sending me sprawling to the ground. I could already tell that my nose was bleeding, even before I wiped the blood away. He came closer stomping on my head over and over again as I cried and begged him to stop but they never did; no pony ever stops.

Stomp!
Stomp!
Stomp!

Over time, the agony gradually became intolerable; I felt compelled to fight back, so I did.

Stomp!
Stomp!
Stomp!

The sound of Sandy's hooves hitting me ran down the hall for anypony to hear, but like always, nopony one came.

Sandy was too preoccupied with trying to beat me to death to notice the magic emanating from my horn as it flared to life. Sandy was repeatedly hitting my head, and I was beginning to lose consciousness as my magic aura gradually extended to the lone knife that was lying on the ground.

Stomp!
Stomp!
Stomp!

Another splatter of blood to stain the hall with every blow. But through the red, I could feel it: the knife had been successfully lifted.

Stomp!
Stomp!
Stomp!

With those final three blows, it was time for my counterattack.

"STOP IT!" I would cry out as the knife flew right into Sandy's head, and the only sound in the hall was his body hitting the ground lifeless. But I did not stop there I have come this far I need to make sure the job is finished. I would stand up almost falling right back onto my face but I managed, I stood over sandy's body and with my magic I would stab him again and again and again and again and again. I could not deny that I enjoyed this; I enjoyed finally being in control and being able to hurt somepony else for a change; it was a nice feeling that I craved more of.

As I sat there, using my magic to stab Sandy repeatedly, I felt a smile spread across my face. But as the blood splashed on my face with each puncture, mixing with the blood that was already there, I could hear a tiny little voice deep inside my head screaming that this was not right. It said, STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!

Then finally I gave in to the voice letting it take over.

"STOP IT!"

"CRACK!"

I appeared back in my bathroom to the sound of a cracking mirror. My mirror was broken badly by my telekinesis after I apparently used my magic in my sleep during that panic attack I had in my dream.

As I take deep breaths and lean on my sink with tears streaming down my face, my heart begins to race. I start to feel something coming up so I lean over and puke into the sink.

I straightened up and then met that fucking faker in the face as I looked in the mirror.

"Welcome back to the land of the living mate. have a nice dream?"

I just stared at myself in the mirror, my face broken up in strange ways in the broken shards, hoping to show how pissed I was.

"Aww, don't look so upset don't you feel better now knowing what you are capable of? We can finally get Pinkamina, we can kill that fucker of a stallion."

I grit my teeth. "I refuse to be like that anymore; that's why I hid it away. I am not going to commit murder no matter how much we want to. I mean stalking and taking pictures of ponies isn't enough of a crime?!" I would yell at the mirror I would probably look crazy to anypony watching.

"You know, the more you try to make me like you, the more I want to kill you!" I would continue.

"Oh, you want to kill me? Fucking do it then, but you need to remember, I am you, and you are me, if you want to kill me, you need to kill you." Pain would say with a shit-eating grin, mocking my voice and imitating the way I would speak when I recite poetry.

"JUST SHUT UP!" I would scream as I used my magic to completely shatter the mirror, sending glass shards flying everywhere and onto the ground. As the glass fell, it would cut me and leave tiny scratches all over my body. I could still make out parts of myself in the larger shards of broken glass scattered across the floor.

I can not help but think of Pinkie as I stare at the shattered glass. Her smile, her scent, the way she looked, and even the way she would hold herself in bed as if she needed a cuddle, Every time I saw her hold herself that way, I could picture myself in her embrace.

"Thats right." Pain would say like the hiss of a snake

"Remember our one true love. you know we have a chance to get her back we just need you to cooperate and do what you need to do."

"No, stop making me think of her; she does not want me, so stop!" I would scream at Pain's voice. witch was no longer coming from the mirror and was instead coming from my shadow, which was cast by the light beneath the door.

"Thats funny, last time I checked I can't make you think of things, I can only tell you things. But then again, I am technically just your thoughts charicterized into a living from, so you cannot blame me because I'm not real, you twat."

I would begin to break, and slowly I would start to actually listen to pain.

I would feel Pain enter my mind, his voice no longer coming from the outside as he would speak in my mind.