Compromising Positions

by Winter_Solstice

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Comedy, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1062

...in which six friends find themselves in a...predicament.

No outside help. Nopony knows where they are.

Just six friends using Brains, Hearts, Perseverance, Greed, Ingenuity...and Stubbornness.

Meh...they should be fine...

A story written exclusively in dialogue and an entry for the Dialogue Only Contest 2024

Published 2024-05-03 09:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-05-03 09:40:00 UTC

"...HOW did we get here again...?"

"...uuugh...my head..."

"Your head?! MY outfit! It's positively ruined!"

"Yeah, whal, cave dirt'll do that ta fabric, hon.."

"Cave dirt?! When did we get stuck in this cave?!"

"Y'all don't remember us bein' tied up and left in this here cave by them crooks a few hours ago?"

(sniff!) "I think I would remember such BARBARIANS and their brutish behavior!"

"I think they must have hit her head harder than we thought..."

"She's not the only one! My noodle is positively KABLOOIE! Hey! That rhymes!"

(sigh) "No, it doesn't...Now, if you would all be quiet for a moment, I may be able to think of a way to get us out of here."

"What's to figure out?! Hnnnnng...all we have to do...is...get...out...of...these...ropes!"

"Quit squirmin'!"

"It tickles!"

"You are making them tighter! Brute!"

"...umm...you're squeezing my wing when you pull like that...sorry..."

"Gah! This would be SO much easier if those jerks hadn't tied us all up to one another!"

"I'm sure that was part of their plan. AGAIN, if you would calm down a second and let me think, I will get us out of this!"

"Don't you raise your voice at ME, Egghead! It's YOUR fault we're in this mess!"

"HOW is this MY fault?!"

"I told you not to trust those guys! It was a perfectly nice vacation before YOU decided to listen to their spiel and drag all of us into it! WHY would anypony from this podunk town have a rare copy of an ancient book you've been searching for for years?! Even I wouldn't have fallen for that!"

"..."

"Well?!"

"She...she's right, dear." (sigh) "I suppose I'm partly to blame as well; those ghastly mustaches were clearly fake...I should have said something the moment I saw them..."

"I...hope I don't sound rude, but...why didn't you say something? If...you don't mind me asking, that is..."

"Because our dear Leader seemed SO happy about the book, I simply couldn't bear to see her disappointed!"

"And now here we are, tied back-to-back with one another, in a stinking, dark cave with no way to get out! It took me months to save all those bits, and now those guys are probably halfway across the country with every bit we all had! I hope you're all happy!"

"Way to rub it in, party pooper..."

"Don't you start! I've had it! hnnnng I'm...getting...out of...these...ROPES!"

"STAHP, dang it!"

"It's NOT working! THINK!"

"You're ripping my dress!"

"...ow..."

"Well then, one of you DO something! I can't take much more of this!"

"Alright! Just...let me...(gasp!) It's no good...with this inhibitor on my horn, I can't cast any spells..."

"Let me try, darling! Hold still, maybe I can...reach your horn...with mine... and slide it..."

"Ow! That was my eye! Be more careful!"

"Sorry, dear! Trying again...got...your horn...and now to slide...it... there! It's off! Now try!"

"Good work! Now I can...wait...why isn't it working?"

"...um...maybe the gadget is still too close to you? It's just an idea..."

"Hmm...that very well could be it. Did anypony notice where it went?"

"It's pitch-black in here, sugarcube...Ah cain't see mah hoof in front of mah face..."

"Well, it has to be close by! Feel around!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...what?"

"And just HOW are we supposed to 'feel around?! We're TIED UP!!"

"Yelling at me isn't solving anything! Now just...use your back hooves to search the dirt in front of you, or feel around behind you with your front ones..."

"You actually want me to get MORE dirt on my hooves?!"

"We're KINDA inna predicament, 'Miss Fancy-Pants!' A little more dirt ain't gonna hurt yah!"

"Hmph! A lady never abandons her manners, no matter what the situation—unlike some I could name!"

"An' jus' WHUT do yew mean by that?"

"It should be obvious!"

"Why you—"

"Enough, girls! This isn't helping! Now, just do as I said, and feel around until you find something!"

"OO! I got something super-duper soft!"

"...eep!"

"Whoops! Heh, heh, sorry!"

"This is hopeless! MY way is better!"

"Wait! I have an idea! Since we can't find it in the dark, let's move away from it!"

"Sweetie, how are we supposed to do that? Need I remind you that we ARE currently restrained?"

"HAH! But they didn't tie our back legs together!...or did they? Mine aren't; are any of yours?"

"Not at all!"

"Nope!"

"Uh uh."

"Nah..."

"...um...no?"

"Excellent! Alright then, here's what we do: press your backs together and stand up! On the count of three: One, two...THREE!"

"HNNNNNNGGG!!"

"O...okay...Now...now what's next, 'Brainiac?"

"N...now we start...start walking un...until I can light my horn! Then, we'll know we're far enough away!"

"One moment, darling...I believe I should point out...the flaw in your plan..."

"...and that is...?"

"...I'm wearing an inhibitor as well..."

"WHY didn't you say something BEFORE we...you know what? It's fine...just...hold still..."

"Right...give me a moment to close my eyes first...alright, go ahead, dear."

"Okay..."

"...that's my ear, darling."

"Sorry!"

"Perhaps if I tried bending further down?"

"Quit worrying, sillies! I think I can reach it! Hang on...gob by teef on it slidink...up aaaaaand...GULP! MMMM!!"

"..."

"..."

"...how...how did you DO that?"

"Hee HEE! I just pretended it was a BIG doughnut!"

"...but...if it's in your stomach, it's still too close to us..."

"Not for long! HRRRRKKK!"

"GROSS!!"

"I'm...glad I didn't see that..."

"...oh my..."

"Ah heard it spang offa the far wall! Yew put some fair distance behind that thar heave, gal!"

"Thank you!"

"Let's...move on now?"

"F...fine by me...oh, I don't feel so good..."

"Buck up, 'Fancy!' We dun bin through worse!"

"H...hardly. But I shall endeavor to persevere! Let us go!"

"Right! All together now: step...step...step...step...step..."

"Anything, dear?"

"...hnng...not yet...keep walking..."

"My tail! Watch where you're stepping, jerk!"

"How kin Ah 'watch where Ah'm steppin' in the dark, dummy?! An' besides, how do you know it wuz me?!"

"You're closest!"

"Good point!"

"OW! What happened?! That felt like a head-butt!"

"Don't have the slightest idea whut you mean, sugarcube...you musta hit yore head onna rock..."

"A rock wearing a cowgirl hat?!"

"Funny thang, ain't it?"

"Not as funny as THIS!"

"HAH! Missed!"

"Hold still!"

"GIRLS! My horn is working! I'll have us out of these ropes in a second...there! Now, let's get out of here!"

"Right! The first thing we do is find those creeps and get my money back!"

"OUR MONEY BACK!"