Are you sure this is for me?
“Do you mind telling me again why you have Twilight’s horn?”
“Because I am the best marefriend in the world.”
“I see… And why is it in a hat box?”
“So I can give it to you? Who doesn’t wrap a present?”
“Uh huh… and why ain’t it on Twilight’s head?”
“Because we removed it.”
“See, that’s the part I don’t understand. Or, I guess, I don’t understand any of it.”
“We took the horn, shined it up, put it in a box, and brought it to you.”
“I just see you right now. When you say, ‘we,’ you mean…?”
“Fluttershy and I.”
“Yeah, I’m still not quite understanding. So you and Fluttershy somehow removed Twilight’s horn, lacquered it, boxed it, and brought it… to me. For some reason.”
“Fine. So maybe that’s not entirely true.”
“Do tell.”
“Fluttershy helped me get it off Twilight’s head, but Pinkie Pie helped me shine it. She had some left over sugar… “
“Hold up. You what now?”
“I’m trying to tell you! Pinkie took the sugar and cooked it or something until it was clear and she dipped the…”
“She what?”
“I could tell you if you stopped interrupting me. She dipped the horn in and used… you know… one of her little spoons to spread it around until it was covered, then we let it cool until it was hard.”
“It’s… candy coated?”
“Yeah. Isn’t it cool?”
“Uhh… I’m not exactly sure how I’m supposed to take this.”
“Just take it. It’s not that difficult. Rarity was telling me you might not appreciate this.”
“Rarity told you that?”
“Yeah, when I was getting the box she was all, and I quote, ‘Darling, she might not appreciate this, darling, but, darling, if you are going to be gash you need to, darling, use a proper box. And, darling, I just so happen…’”
“Yeah, I don’t think you should be making fun at Rarity right now. And it’s gauche, not gash.”
“Come on! I thought you’d be cool about this.”
“I ain’t.”
“What’s your deal? Just shut up and take the box.”
“My ‘deal’ is that you seem to have… lopped off our friend’s horn, candy coated it, and gifted it to me in a fancy hat box for some reason… That ain’t right…”
“I told Rarity not to use the fancy box! I wanted to use a cowpony hat box!”
“A what now? Do you mean a Stetson box?”
“Yeah, a cowpony hat box.”
“You… I… huh… uh, what’s Twilight think about this whole thing?”
“I don’t know. She’s still asleep, I think.”
“I don’t know what I expected you to say.”
“Look, I went through a lot of trouble for this. You should just take it.”
“You’ve been trying to figure something out for me, and I really appreciate it, but, uh, this ain’t it.”
“Oh come on! Do you have any idea how hard it was to convince Fluttershy to help me with this?”
“I can guess…”
“Three weeks! Three weeks of helping her with critters. I did it for you!”
“And, uh, well, I don’t appreciate it.”
“That’s cold…”
“What do you want me to say? I ain’t going to lie to you! ‘Oh, thanks for bringing me the horn off our friend's head! I’m just head over hooves for you now!’ That is not me, and you know it. Near as I can figure this is some kind of prank. I’m just not sure if it’s on me or Twilight.”
“A prank! You think this is a prank?”
“Yes.”
“But it’s fresh! It’s shiny! It’s in a fancy box! All of our friends helped?”
“And it’s very, very weird and off putting. I figure she’s not hurt, right?”
“Hurt? Now look who’s throwing apples! I would never hurt one of my friends.”
“Yeah, but apparently you’ll saw off her horn with a hoof saw.”
“Excuse me! I did not saw her horn off.”
“You didn’t?”
“No… Fluttershy did. And she used a circular saw, not a hoof saw.”
“Now I know you’re messing with me. A circular saw wouldn’t…”
“She put Twilight’s head on the table and the feed just slid it back. It was surprisingly quick, actually.”
“Huh… I suppose it could work…”
“It did! I was there. It was awesome. I didn’t know Fluttershy was so metal. She put on goggles and everything.”
“You all were wearing goggles while you sawed Twilight’s horn off? Do you really want me to believe you did this to a friend?”
“We’re not monsters. We gave her safety goggles too.”
“No.”
“No? What do you mean ‘No’?”
“I mean, ‘no.’ You did not do this.”
“Yeah, like I said, Fluttershy did the…”
“How am I supposed to believe Fluttershy just sawed of her friend’s horn? How would Twilight let this happen? Why would Fluttershy help you?”
“Well, like I said if you were listening, Twilight was asleep.”
“And she didn’t wake up?”
“Nope.”
“You all brought her to a circular saw, cut her horn off, and put her back without waking her up?”
“Well, we didn’t have to go far. She has a whole machine shop in her basement for experiments. And we drugged her first, obviously.”
“Obviously.”
“And we didn’t put her back so much as leave her asleep in the basement.”
“Of course you would.”
“Please? I put a lot of work into this one.”
“I… I need a moment. You decided to candy coat Twilight’s horn after you cut it off.”
“I can’t give you plain horn. That’s not awesome. That’s boring. And I am not boring and you like candy.”
“We can agree on some of that, I suppose.”
“That’s why I got you a candy coated alicorn horn. What’s more exciting than that? Who else would get that for their marefriend?”
“No one.”
“See? Nopony else! I’m the best marefriend in the world!”
“I said ‘No one.’”
“I’m just trying to show you how special you are to me!”
“By drugging and maiming our friend? You ain’t making a good impression. This is almost as bad as your last gift.”
“Yeah, but it’s not.”
“True… It’s actually not.”
“So, what do you think?”
“… You know what?”
“What?”
“Thank you.”
“Yes! Does that mean …?”
“No. Not at all.”
“Can I …?”
“Fine… But I get to wear the horn.”
“You’re the best, Bonnie!”
“You’re… something… Lyra…”
“Hey, why are Rainbow Dash and Applejack staring at us like that?”
“Run!”
Author's Note
Don't worry. It will grow back.
