Rationale’s Resurgence (or In Which We Witness the Return of the Pie)

by LordBarcha

Rating: everyone
Tags: Doctor Whooves, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Pinkie Pie, DJ P0N-3
Length: 8075

Having escaped the death of a universe, Pinkie Pie embarks on a multiversal quest to save realities.

With her home universe destroyed, Pinkie is offered a chance to save others from the same fate. Can she and her group of decidedly insane comrades keep the multiverse safe from the terrible clutches of the authors?

Important! You should really read the first story first, which you can find here:

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/53613/Retreating-Rationale-%28an-author%27s-worst-nightmare%29

Published 2012-10-10 11:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-01 22:46:48 UTC

Mission 1: Vampires

Mission 1: Vampires

A/N: I wouldn’t be putting anything in front of this, but it is important to understand the nature of this story. This is basically a story about stories, meta though that is. It really consists of my cast trying to tweak stories.

This first chapter also assumes that you have read a particular fanfiction that I’m about to shamelessly make fun of. I do my best to make it clear without making it required reading, but if you get confused, you can find it here:

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/36388/My-Roommate-is-a-Vampire

The events in this chapter happen roughly from chapters 7 to 11, so that’s all you would really need.

Also, I couldn't get the formatting to fit quite right on this, so here is a link to the google doc I wrote it in.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HUQYFoGbVU8hTD55zNgBw_a5xO_Wwj6ZBG3N2XaNy9s/edit

Anything that didn't translate over terribly well is described in parentheses.

Pinkie stepped out of the blue box onto the perfectly flat white floor. At the center of the room, a group of ten figures stood around an empty throne as white as the floor surrounding it. Only the trim of their white robes allowed them to be distinguished from the monochromic landscape.

“You may approach”

“Why did you call me here?” Pinkie demanded rudely.

An immediate chorus responded in various forms of shock and fear.

“It is inadvisable to raise your voice in the court of our Lord White.”

“Please, Spare her! She didn’t mean it!” one cried, falling to his knees before the empty throne.

“How dare you! Are you asking for a fight?”

“About time somebody broke up this stuffy atmosphere.”

"Silence.” (white, highlighted black)

The group stopped dead.

the color gradually returned to Pinkie’s face. “W-w-what was that?”

“My apologies. That was reminder from our lord to retain formality and proper decorum.”

“Who would that be, then?”

“He stands before you.”

“I am White.” (white, highlighted black)

A collective shudder went through the gathering.

“You were called here to hear about a job proposal. We think you will be eager to get started.”

“Yeah, Red here insisted that we give you a chance. For the record, I voted for your immediate deletion by our Lord White.”

“OK then, how can I help the mass-murderers who destroyed my entire universe?”

“Oh! Oh! Can I tell her?”

“I am the spokesman for this group. I will tell her.”

“I think that was sarcasm, Red.”

“Universe B341, Branch 21 is being tainted. In roughly three days, it will reach the point of singularity. We intend to annul it before it reaches that point. Your job is to prevent this annihilation.”

A folder appeared in the air before Pinkie.

“This is the future of that timeline. If you can negate the singularity and return the universe to the proper path, there will be no reason to destroy it.”

“So you mean to say that you don’t like destroying universes?”

“Who would enjoy this? I hate sickos like that!”

“I enjoy it.”

“You scare us on a regular basis, Green.”

“I find it to be wasteful in the extreme.”

Pinkie, for once, looked speechless. “So you’re just going to hand me the tools I need to stop you and let me walk away?”

“That is correct. We hope that you succeed. We do have certain information to report to you that we believe may be helpful. I believe that Violet would enjoy giving this report as he is the one who dug through our records to find the information.”

“So I was digging through the really old records and I found some details on an organization of characters like yourself who once tried to repair damaged universes. The account describes a rejection of foreign characters. Native characters in the area, upon finding out the nature of the foreigners, became immediately hostile and violent. In addition, once in place, they found themselves beset by both terrible luck and meddlings by the author of the damaged universe. My predecessor notes that White himself was directly involved. This implies that the operation spiraled out of control. Something monstrous was born that day.”

“A reality bomb was insufficient.” (white, highlighted black)

“The remainder of the files were severely damaged and impossible to read. I hope that it proves beneficial.”

“Long story short, if we try to fix things, there is high probability that everything is going to try and kill us.” Pinkie summarized.

“The point of no return occurs when Octavia is attacked. If and when that happens, we will detonate the reality bomb immediately. For what it is worth, I wish you luck. You will need it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three sullen faces greeted Pinkie as she entered the TARDIS.

“How did the meeting go, Pinkie?” Doctor Whooves asked.

“They weren’t nearly as evil as you would think.” Pinkie replied.

“What gave you that impression?” Vinyl questioned.

Pinkie brandished the file. “They gave me all the tools I need to stop them from destroying a universe.”

“But can we really trust them?” Lyra demanded.

“Examine the situation, Lyra,” Doctor Whooves answered flatly, “They have the power and resources to destroy entire universes. If they wanted us dead, we would be long gone. They have no reason to lie to us.”

“Then let’s get started!” Vinyl shouted, sitting down in front of a massive pair of speakers.”

“No, Vinyl!” Doctor Whooves cried, “Don’t break down dimensional walls inside the TARDIS!”

“Awww. You’re always ruining my fun.” Vinyl complained. She put on her best pleading face, “Please?”

“No! Bad Vinyl! Go sit in the corner!”

“Pretty please?”

“Everyone! Look what I found!” Pinkie shouted from on top of a large and complicated device, “It’s a dimension gate!”

“When and how di-” Lyra started to ask, but Pinkie quickly cut her off.

“Never ask about the plot holes.”

“So what is the plan, Pinkie?” The Doctor asked.

“Basically, this universe is one where Vinyl is a vampire and is romantically involved with Octavia. ”

“WHAT!” Vinyl interrupted, “I mean, I respect Octavia as a musician, but romance? What kind of logic is this other me using?”

“That’s not what matters right now,” Lyra interrupted, “Let Pinkie finish.”

“Not important!” shrieked an increasingly hysterical Vinyl, “Other me is ruining my good name! I’ll never be able to show myself in public again!” The sobbing pony curled up under a nearby console.

“Anyway, there eventually comes a scene where Octavia gets attacked by a werewolf. That’s when things go downhill. Two entire organizations are pulled almost literally out of nowhere. Things kind of escalate far beyond the realm of possibility. According to Red, it is essential that we stop this event from happening.”

“One quick question, Pinkie.” Lyra stated flatly, “When did you start being serious?”

“When the universe died. Now get Vinyl out from under that console, and lets get started.”

With a deep hum, the machine started up.

“Wait just one minute!” The Doctor protested, “Where is the wall of glowy energy? Ther is ALWAYS a wall of glowy energy in any kind of portaaaaaAAHHH.” His complaints receded into incoherence as Lyra seized his ear with a mechanical hand.

“It doesn’t matter! Now get in!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey Red.”

“Yes?”

“How high do you really think their chances of making any difference are?”

“This is just between us.”

“You know how trustworthy I am, despite my few guilty pleasures.”

“That’s you all right, honest to a fault, yet so sadistic.”

“Is that a bit of humanity slipping through, Red? I’d almost think you had a soft spot for vicious monsters like me.”

“Oh alright! You win! I calculated a 75% chance of failure, a 24% chance of catastrophic, reality warping failure, and a 1% chance of complete multiversal meltdown! Are you happy now?”

“No.”

“Well too bad. I have nothing more to say to you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The group appeared with a pop outside a fancy restaurant in central Canterlot.

“Alright ponies,” Lyra whispered, glancing at the sheet of paper in front of her, “According to this, the two should arrive shortly. Basically, the future at this point is this: Vinyl and Octavia go to dinner with Octavia’s parents. Vinyl neglects to drink her blood before coming and almost goes berserk. Octavia rushes after her in order to calm her down. The mother walks in on the two making out. The mother is then knocked out by Vinyl. The plan is simple, expose Vinyl as a vampire in front of Octavia’s parents. Step two is to sit back and watch the carnage.”

She glanced around. The Doctor already had a massive mechanical thing half built in a corner. Pinkie was bouncing through the restaurant like nobody’s business, and Vinyl was staring down Vinyl in the middle of the floor.

“W-who are you?” stammered a stunned Vinyl from her seat beside Ocvavia.

“I’m you, obviously! What do you think you’re doing?”

However, further conversation was interrupted by a massive, humanoid machine breaking through a wall. The thing was composed almost entirely of cardboard, and had “Gundam” scrawled across it in black marker.

“Octavia!,” shouted her mother, “what is the meaning of this?”

“Die foul spawn!” The Doctor shouted from inside the cardboard box. It swung a massive arm toward the vampire, only to have it deflected. Instead, it smashed into the other Vinyl, who was sent flying out of the restaurant.”

“How do you know that I’m a vampire?” Vinyl demanded, ripping the arm off entirely.

“I read the script,” The Doctor answered sheepishly.

He leapt out of the machine as it exploded spectacularly, sending burning cardboard everywhere.

“My Gundam!” The Doctor wailed, “I spent five minutes building that. How could you just destroy it?”

Vinyl stared around the room, to be met with a hundred pairs of accusing eyes. Whispers filled the sudden silence.

“A vampire?”

“That strength is inequine. That machine broke through a brick wall like paper. No pony could have destroyed it like that.”

The crowd closing on Vinyl didn’t even notice as Lyra seized a protesting Doctor by the ear and dragged him out of the room.

“This was supposed to be a subtle operation.”

“Hey! It worked, didn’t it?”

Pinkie bounced up to the pair. “I just finished setting up the trap! It should record them talking inside the bathroom and play it through the speakers in the restaurant!”

Lyra just stared at her, then collapsed, moaning, “What is wrong with all of you? I tell you the plan, but you fail to complete it the way I said. Then you get the same result without trying. And now I learn that the plan was SET UP ALL ALONG!” She let out a screech of anguish, then collapsed to the ground.

“Doctor! You get Vinyl! I’m going to take Lyra back!” Pinkie shouted, dragging Lyra back through the gate. Stepping onto the smooth metal floor of the TARDIS. she paused, then took another step. Her hooves made no sound. The entire atmosphere felt stiff and unmoving. Then she noticed the blank spot. A humanoid figure stood in the center of the room, perfectly still.

“You have made progress, but it is insufficient. Use this when all else fails.”

The figure vanished, leaving behind a small white cube. Pinkie shuddered at the sound of White’s voice. She quickly scooped up the cube and hid it in her mane, just in time to avoid the returning Doctor seeing it.

“I’ll go report what happened,” Pinkie announced, then exited the TARDIS.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Four cloaked figures stood around the empty throne.

“We have expected you,” Red stated flatly, “How is your progress?”

“We managed to put the vampire in a situation that she will be unable to escape for at least a month.”

“And how did you do that?”

“She admitted that she was a vampire in front of an entire restaurant full of high class ponies.”

“You heard her, Blue. When can I expect to receive my fiver?”

“You must have cheated! There’s no way you could have predicted that!”

“That’s enough out of you two. You should continue monitoring the situation. This has never happened before, so we have no idea if it has been successful yet.”

“I’ll be off then,” Pinkie stated, before reentering the TARDIS.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Pinkie!” Lyra shouted at the returning pony, “I have really bad news!”

“What would that be?” Pinkie asked.

“Do you remember the thing we were trying to prevent? Vinyl and Octavia go into the Everfree Forest on Halloween and Octavia gets bitten while there.”

“Yes. What about it?”

“Vinyl went into hiding after the incident we caused, but she surfaced long enough to leave a note. It tells Octavia to meet her at midnight tonight in the Everfree Forest.”

“Let me guess, it’s Halloween.”

“Nailed it. You stay here and work out a plan, while I go and do some surveillance.”

“Alright guys, lets plan!” Pinkie chirped, bouncing over to the other two. Behind her, Lyra’s mechanical hands quietly picked up a shotgun, and she stepped through the gate.

“Wait, Pinkie. If it’s so important that we plan, you might want to turn off the temporal accelerator. You know, the thing that makes an hour in that universe equivalent to a minute in here,” The Doctor warned.

A suddenly panicked Pinkie rushed over to the nearby console and frantically pressed buttons until a picture appeared on one of the screens. Lyra staring down the barrel of a gun at a ravenous werewolf. Behind her, a terrified Octavia wailed in fear.

With a bolt of speed, Pinkie seized Vinyl and The Doctor, dragging them into the gate. They appeared in the clearing just in time to hear a loud crack and to see a rough, furred form strike the ground.

“What did you do?” The Doctor demanded, “You didn’t even give it a chance to talk! We could have figured out what it wanted!”

“This was the only way I could think of to make the events of the story absolutely impossible. Anyway, the story makes it pretty clear that that thing wasn’t sentient.” Lyra answered.

A shudder shook the world. Light, shining like the sun, burst forth from the fallen werewolf. All around, areas central to the story shone brighter still, contributing their shimmer to the blaze. Gathering itself slowly, the light began to coalesce into a body. Two heads sprouted from a massive, furred form. Brown fur covered the left head, and a pair of yellow eyes stared down at the group. The other head, a pale white, opened its mouth to show a long pair of fangs.

“Where did this come from?” Lyra asked in horror.

“And why does it have my face?” Vinyl asked, looking disturbed.

The strange chimera launched itself at them, screeching. Pinkie parried it with a sword pulled from somewhere, while The Doctor scrambled up the nearest tree. Sliding under its belly, Lyra emptied her gun into the thing. Like a snake, the white head curled under to sink its fangs into Lyra. Catching the sword in its jaws, the other head snapped it and sent fragments flying everywhere.

Seeing the coming attack, Lyra caught the fanged face with her hands, shouting, “Nothing I can do seems to slow it down!”

“Then get out of there!” Pinkie answered, “I think I have something!”

One of the trees in the clearing suddenly transformed into a wooden mecha.

“Doctor!” Pinkie shouted, “How many times do I have to tell you that wooden tools are useless! You should have used cobblestone!”

“But I wasted all of my iron on an axe! What did you expect me to do?”

He cried out in terror as the mecha splintered under the assault.

“See? I warned you about this! You have no durability like that! Now back up!”

Grabbing the white cube from her mane, Pinkie hurled it at the beast. It struck the werewolf head and shattered silently. From within, a white fluid splashed across the thing. It seethed like a living thing, spreading itself across the monster and dying it a flat white. After a few seconds, it disappeared completely.

“What was that?” Vinyl asked in a dangerously soft voice from behind her half constructed bass cannon.

“I don’t know, but it that light was raw time energy,” The Doctor answered.

“I think we’re done here,” Lyra said.

“We did it!” Pinkie squealed, “We saved a universe! This calls for a party!”

End of Chapter 1

A/N: My thanks go out to WillCashien, who pointed out a typo and also to LL, who is very good at pointing out when my stories get too serious. He is probably the reason this story didn’t turn into a treatise about the meaninglessness of life (because that’s where all my stories end up).

Mission 2: Extreme Polarization

A/N: After attempting and failing to read several really terrible fanfictions in an attempt to find another universe to “fix” I finally hit the realization that I should just give up on that and do one I actually like. This time it is Changeling Heart and the New Moon, which you can find here.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/25694/Changeling-Heart-and-the-New-Moon

This time, I attempted to make the cut off much earlier in the narrative. You only need chapters 1 and 2 in order to completely understand this story.

“You succeeded.” Red stated flatly, “How?”

“I used a weapon White gave me.”

Two cloaked figures charged into sight. One grabbed the other and pinned it to the ground.

“Yellow! How dare you! Couldn’t the detonation wait thirty seconds? I wanted to watch!”

“I’m sorry! I just got so scared! The thing was literally staring me in the face! Its eyes were blue and orange at the same time!”

“That’s the point! I wanted to see the light leave its eyes!”

“Green! Let him go! He was simply following proper procedure. If anyone should be reprimanded it is you.”

The figure released its captive reluctantly and strode off, grumbling.

“So what happens now?” Pinkie queried.

“The universe you saved remains tainted. However, this taint is present in all universes except one. You have reduced the level in the saved universe to below average. Unless something changes drastically, I foresee no danger in the future. Because of your success, you will be assigned another universe, one guilty of an altogether different crime.”

“And what crime would that be?”

“I give that task to Violet, who can explain far better, even if he has a tendency to overdo things.”

“The extradimensional beings we call ‘authors’ have a power that is truly unique. They can call upon the power of creation itself and change the laws of reality to suit their purposes. Therein lies the danger. Creation is not so much used by the authors as it uses them to impose itself upon reality. Unless handled correctly, it seeps into the fabric of the universe and corrupts it, an event termed ‘taint’, shaping the world in its own image. At that point, we destroy the universe to prevent the corruption of the multiverse as a whole.”

“Not how reality works, the crime.”

“Ah, yes. This author shows an almost inhuman skill at manipulating creation, resulting in a much smaller taint than usual. However, he touched something no being ever should have, committing one of the greatest crimes in our book. He has meddled not with mere minds or bodies, as it so common, but with a character’s very soul. Worse still, he has placed this power in the hands of a character, making it an immutable part of the universe it is a part of. Even if the author stops his meddling, the power to do this will remain. Quite frankly, if it wasn’t standard policy to kill worlds like this, I’d be tempted to go against the code.”

“So you want a universe fundamentally altered?”

“We don’t expect that much. Just make sure that the power is locked away and never used again.”

The file appeared with a pop.

“One final word of warning. It is not merely your life on the line this time. Even if White himself were to obliterate you, he could not touch your soul. These enemies can. Don’t let them.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, Pinkie. What’s next?” Vinyl asked as Pinkie entered the TARDIS.

“We move on to the next world, of course.” Pinkie replied.

“Doctor!” Lyra cried from the next room over, “How many times do I have to tell you? You do not build permanent fixtures using cables like this! Somebody might trip, or something might come undone!”

“Get in here, you two!” Pinkie called, “we have a new mission.”

“No Lyra, I’m nooooaaaaAAAHH!” The doctor shouted as he was dragged into the room by the ear.”

“What is the situation, Pinkie?” Lyra asked calmly.

“Basically, this universe is centered around Chrysalis and Luna.”

“There is no way this can possibly be a good thing.” Vinyl groaned.

“Luna asks Chrysalis to cut out a piece of her heart. According to the report I received from Violet, the heart is the same thing as the soul.” Pinkie tilted her head inquisitively, “Where did the dimension gate go?”

“The Doctor has been hooking it up to the TARDIS to give it a more stable power supply and to give it the ever essential ‘glowy energy wall’.” Lyra stated resignedly.

The group walked into the next room, approaching the massive, glowing portal. Cables and conduits hooked it into the walls of the TARDIS, apparently providing it with power. Her curiosity piqued, Pinkie approached the shining surface. Behind her, Vinyl tripped over one of the cables and slammed into the others, sending them tumbling forward. They landed in a heap at the center of Chrysalis’ personal chambers.

Sitting up, Lyra asked, “What just happened?”

“Sorry,” Vinyl answered, pulling a cable out from under her, “I tripped. Was this important?”

“That was the power cable.” The Doctor answered, “Are you okay, Lyra?”

The suddenly grinning pony jumped up, shouting, “Somebody better pick up that phone, because I called it.”

“Guys!” Pinkie cut in, “It think we broke her.”

The group looked down to find themselves standing on the unconscious and slightly squashed form of the changeling queen.

“We just need to prop her up, then we can pretend this never happened,” Vinyl said, pushing the body toward a nearby chair.

“You found the dimension gate, Pinkie, how long will we be stranded here?” Lyra asked, ignoring the other two as they ran off.

“The fail-safes in the system charge for sixty minutes, then let out a pulse to reactivate it for one minute. If we miss it, it should charge for an extended period of time, then establish itself continuously until somebody turns it off”

“Because I’m convinced that Murphy was right, I’m going to guess that the Temporal Accelerator is on and one hour here equals one minute in there.”

“Yep.”

“So we’re stuck in the middle of a changeling hive with monsters that can damage our very souls for almost three days. How else could this possibly go wrong?”

“I don’t know,” Pinkie answered, “A changeling could walk in on us.” She paused for a minute, then spoke again, “Funny, I would have expected something to happen by now.”

“Guys! Look at this!” The Doctor called from the other side of the room. Propped up by a chair, Chrysalis was dressed like a clown, with white paint covering her face and a goofy red smile carelessly scrawled around her mouth. Suddenly, a changeling burst into the room and froze when it caught sight of its queen. It shuddered violently for a moment before collapsing with foam pouring out of its mouth.

“Aww,” groaned Vinyl, “we broke another one.”

“Quick! We can dress it up too!” The Doctor shouted to Vinyl. The pair screamed as Lyra grabbed them both by the ears and dragged them away. Meanwhile, Pinkie dumped a bucket of water over Chrysalis’ head, washing away the paint and sending her jerking into awareness.

Confusion quickly shifted to alarm and she demanded, “What is going on here? Where did you come from?”

“Long story short,” Pinkie answered, “you broke the rules, and we’re here to get you to stop.”

“Is this about that whole Canterlot thing?” Chrysalis asked, rolling her eyes.

“No. This is about what you did to Luna.”

“That was literally ten minutes ago! How do you know about that?”

“We’re here on behalf of the group that makes the rules. A better question would be ‘Why are you so late?’, considering that our job is to stop these crimes before they happen.”

“Then tell me how I broke the rules, if you know them so well.”

“You tore apart someone’s soul, the one thing that outlasts death. Luna is lucky to still be alive, but she’ll probably never be the same. Our job here is to make sure it never happens again.”

“And what is to stop me from just having my changelings capture you, and then doing it to you?”

“Please!” laughed Pinkie, “My soldiers beat up a two-headed vampire/werewolf chimera yesterday. How could your little army hope to beat them?”

“I think they’ll manage somehow.” Chrysalis chuckled.

From behind her, The Doctor shouted, “A little help please?” Vinyl dangled from the ceiling on strands of green goo. Behind her, a large stone mecha lay smashed with The Doctor hanging halfway out of it and Lyra was plastered to the floor in a way that looked almost physically impossible, and definitely painful.

Pinkie responded with a flash grenade to the face. In a pop, all four were standing at the center of the room again, freed from their various confinements. “Remind me never to brag about you guys ever again.”

Hissing, Chrysalis struck Pinkie, sending her crashing into a wall. She collapsed to the ground, eyes rolling back into her head, and whispered, “Fly, you fools.”

The Doctor quickly pulled out a strange watch like device. Seizing Lyra and Vinyl, the disappeared in a flash. Chuckling darkly, Chrysalis muttered to herself, “A spell that damages the soul? I have to try this out now.”

Arcs of green electricity struck Pinkie, who screeched in pain.

“What do we have here?” Chrysalis narrated, “There is so much in your heart. I’ll just take it apart to see what happens. This fierce desire to protect can go first.”

Coughing violently, a chunk of crystal tumbled from her mouth.

“Next, I’ll pull away these loves, so tinged with regret. A personal failure, was it? How many died? One? A hundred? More?”

“Too many to count.” Pinkie whispered as her knees buckled. She gasped under the assault, gagging on another few crystals.

“My, there isn’t much left here. Is that all you are? Pure purpose?” Chrysais asked, “”

Gradually, Pinkie’s hair flattened and her coat slowly faded to grey. Finally, the light faded, leaving the still, unbreathing form behind.

“That was certainly interesting,” Chrysalis muttered, “It doesn’t matter anymore, I suppose. There’s nothing left of you now.”

From behind her, a whisper touched her ears.

She turned, but found nothing. Turning back to the still form of Pinkie, she heard the whisper again.

“I fou...”

“What did you say?”

“I found the solution.” Pinkie answered, slowly pushing herself to her feet, eyes closed.

“And what would that be, Pinkie?” The queen asked nervously.

“I think that the solution is obvious. Your race is supported by a single queen, much like ants. Your race has powers that none are allowed to possess and warning you not to use them only made you want to use them more. I’ll just kill you and every other changeling queen I can find. That will solve everything.”

A grin slowly spread itself across her face. Finally, her eyes opened, revealing a flat, white void. Dribbles of the same color ran down her face and dropped to the ground, cutting holes in it. “The name is Pinkamena, by the way.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Prepare to detonate.”

“But I want to see Chrysalis get brutally murdered.”

“You heard me. We cannot allow this thing to reach us. It’s displaying the powers of Final Negation.”

“She. Not it.”

“Did you just say what I think you did?”

“Wait.” (white highlighted black)

“By your command, Lord White.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With a flash, the three materialized in the middle of the swamp just outside the hive.

“What just happened, Doctor?” Vinyl asked.

“I managed to warp us outside. I estimate that we're about twenty minutes in the future.” The Doctor answered.

With a great buzzing, a thousand dark forms burst forth from the hive, hovering listlessly around the entrance. An unearthly screech emerged from below and they nervously began buzzing around. Chrysalis herself emerged a second later and collapsed.

“Fire now! She’s coming down the tunnel!”

Lances of green light poured down on the emerging gray body, followed by a massive explosion. As the smoke cleared, the grey figure was revealed to be completely unscratched, the same demented grin plastered across her face. “I figured something out just now,” Pinkie called up to them, “You didn’t rip out all of my soul, just the bits that made me good. Your magic affects ponies through their positive feelings. I don’t feel anymore.”

Vinyl walked up to Pinkamena, “See the birdie?” She asked, pulling out a rubber duck. Then, she slammed the distracted Pinkamena across the face.

Lyra approached the fallen queen asking, “What do you need to undo this? I don’t like seeing my friend turned into a monster, and considering that she’s trying to kill you, I don’t think you do either.”

“I need the chunks of her heart that she coughed up.”

Behind her, The Doctor appeared in front of his own face. “Go back to the queen’s chamber and gather the fifteen chunks of crystal you find there, then come back here and have this conversation with your past self, then give the crystals to Chrysalis.” The newly materialized Doctor said, and his past self quickly complied.

“How did you do that?” Chrysalis asked, a dumbfounded expression in her face.

“We’re very good at our jobs”

“I’ll get this over with,” Chrysalis started, stepping toward the fallen pony, only to have it leap at her, pulling a knife from somewhere. Lyra pulled out a pair of pistols from the same somewhere and nailed Pinkie several times with tranquilizer darts.

“We’re very good at our jobs,” Lyra repeated, “Well, except for Vinyl, who is just kind of there.”

“I heard that!” shouted Vinyl from her hiding spot, “While you people were busy, I compiled a sealing spell. It should stop any changelings from using that particular type of magic again, but the queen has to cast it.”

“Well give it here already!” Chrysalis demanded, “I already fixed your companion! The sooner it’s done, the sooner I can get back to my nice, peaceful villainous life, with nobody trying to kill me, or burn me, or put me in a potato.”

“Are you okay, Pinkie?” Lyra asked the newly pink pony.

“No. I’m not okay at all.” Answered Pinkie flatly. A translucent, milky tear rolled down her face and slowly ate a hole in the ground.

“Let’s get back to the ship,” The Doctor announced, brandishing his watch, “I just set the time to 57 hours in the future and pop.”

With a flash of dimensions never meant to be seen by mortal eyes, the group appeared at the center of an expanse of asphalt.

“I think you missed,” Vinyl said dryly.

“Its not my fault. The thing must be broken,” The Doctor answered, “We’re definitely in the future. The location is the same, and the time is somewhere between twenty and fifty years in the future. Apparently, somebody has been busy.”

Suddenly, a strange, bluish creature tackled The Doctor, snatching his watch and stuffing it into its mouth. At first glance, it appeared to be some kind of bluish alicorn. However, the chitinous black patches, twisted horn, and holes in the legs implied something else. Despite ordinary plot contrivance, the eyes looked completely normal, although the third and fourth ones might have been overdoing it a bit. Swallowing, it lay down on the asphalt, a contented expression gracing its alien face.

“I’ll need that back!”

The thing gagged a couple of times, then spat out a ball of green slime that cemented itself to the ground.

“Never mind. You can keep it.”

“What is that thing?” Lyra questioned, trying not to throw up.

“I refuse to acknowledge that as a thing. It does not and never has existed.” Vinyl announced.

“As long as you overshot,” Pinkie cut in, “The Dimension Gate should still be on. I admit to being perversely curious about the thing, though.”

Proceeding into the hive, they found natural formations replaced by smooth concrete and drywall and eventually found Chrysalis’ chambers, now outfitted with a pair of massive steel doors.

“We haven’t seen anything alive yet,” Vinyl announced, “But I don’t think it would be a good idea to barge in here without warning. I’ll take a peek while you keep watch.” She cracked open the door and stuck her head in, then pulled it out just as quickly, slamming the door and bracing herself against it in blind panic.

“What’s wrong?” Asked Lyra, whipping out a rifle.

“Chrysalis and Luna. I can’t unsee it.” Vinyl moaned, clutching her head, “I don’t ever want to think about it again. Let’s stay in happy territory and say that the two love each other very much.”

“So that’s what the creature back there was!” chirped Pinkie, “Terrifying though it is, I can only assume that things worked out between Chrysalis and Luna.”

“Are we absolutely sure we saved this universe if something like that could be born?” Lyra asked, “It’s not too late to blow the place up.”

With eyes clenched shut, the group advanced to the Dimension Gate and left the universe far behind.

A/N: I must now thank LL, who proofed the thing, as well as ambion, who seemed almost eager to see his story shredded and also fixed my glaring continuity errors.

Mission 3: The Truth Shall Set You Free

A/N: This chapter takes place in one of my favorite fanfictions. (Top five at least!) As is the new standard, you only need to read chapter 1 to get the details.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/1886/The-Immortal-Game

Also, I like mechas. This is me getting the entire over the top battle out of the way before I explode. I do that sometimes. It’s a result of the 4W3SUM2. Think really bad cold. Now set it on fire. It’s about ten times worse than that.

“Welcome back, Pinkie”

“I see that you survived somehow.”

“What’s the mission this time?” Pinkie asked flatly.

“Violet.”

“Do you remember the discussion we had on Taint a few days ago?”

“Yes. Something about it being a threat to other universes?”

“Almost accurate. Taint is a byproduct of the use of Creation. When an author creates something that never existed before, he usurps cause and effect, producing Taint. When the level of Taint in a universe becomes too high, it begins to gather itself inside of a body. The body possessed by this is usually referred to as ‘The Perfect Being’. The Perfection is literally Taint embodied, which is basically Creation out of control. Once the being achieves full sentience, it begins to remake its world in its own image, eventually expanding to consume other undamaged universes.”

“So you want us to fix another universe that’s about to go on a Taint overflow?”

“No. Your next mission is to fix a universe where the Taint has already gathered into a body.”

“The author created too much, and while the creation is beautiful, and the power well used, the Taint is unavoidable. It is in the process of consuming the entire universe.”

“One last question,” Pinkie announced, “The first time we did this, when we finally succeeded, a strange chimera of sorts appeared and tried to kill us. The second time, we thought it had happened again, but it turned out to just be” Pinkie shuddered violently, “the offspring of Chrysalis and Luna.”

“It’s quite simple, really. The first time, you prevented the course of events of the author’s tale and called forth an embodiment of the creation that never was. The second time, you prevented a specific crime, but did not change the timeline.”

“Now be off. I can’t wait to see how you handle this one. The way I see it, either you’re going to get brutally murdered, or you’ll have to kill somebody else.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stepping into the TARDIS, Pinkie found only Vinyl looking bored.

“Where are the other two?” she asked.

“The Doctor was doing something silly, so Lyra dragged him off into the other room. For a while, I could hear banging and shouting, but it’s been oddly silent for a while.”

“Then what are we waiting for? We have to get him out of there before she injures him too badly to participate in the mission!” Pinkie cried, “There has to be a mecha hidden around here somewhere. We can use it to break down the door.

“Why don’t we just use my bass cannon?” Vinyl asked, pushing a button.

Instantly, the doors were blown off their hinges, revealing the pair kissing. Vinyl quickly scribbled something on a sheet of paper, then held it up for Pinkie to read, “The volume is enough to completely destroy your eardrums in less than a second. They didn’t hear a thing, and won’t for a few weeks. Neither will we, for that matter.”

The sound of Pinkie’s hoof striking her forehead was loud enough to be audible, despite the newfound deafness of the crew.

Glancing up, Lyra noticed Pinkie and Vinyl lying on the floor, laughing their heads off.

*SCENE BREAK*

“What did you just do?”

“I just stuck in a scene break, thereby obscuring exactly how or when we recovered. As humorous as finding out a secret relationship in our group, while everyone is deaf is, it was getting too long and awkward.” Pinkie answered cheerfully, “For the record, I think you two make a very nice couple, if an unexpected one.”

“What’s our mission this time, Pinkie?” The Doctor asked sheepishly, trying to change the subject.

“It’s simple. We kill the flat man.” Pinkie replied.

“That doesn’t really tell us much.” Lyra answered.

“Basically, Celestia and Luna’s parents come back. They corrupt Twilight into something monstrous, and things eventually culminate in a series of escalating conflicts. We’re going to stop it by taking out the big bad. He’s the only real threat. The other villain is almost exactly the same level as Celestia, so she should be easily dealt with. We’ll cut in just before Titan finishes Celestia and deal with him there.”

“I’ll set up the Dimension Gate, Pinkie, you should go ahead.” Lyra stated, sitting in a distinctly human position in front of a set of controls.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Titan raised his blade in triumph, preparing to bring it down on Celestia, when a voice spoke from behind him, “Nicely done, Order, but you’ll find that there are greater forces at work here.”

He spun to face the voice, demanding, “How do you know my name?”

A flat, ruined expanse greeted him. A voice emerged from below, as if Celestia had spoken, “Silly Order, I read the script.”

Spinning again, Titan looked down at the broken body of Celestia, only to find nothing. “You are using some trickery to try and escape me. It is futile.”

Something rested itself on his back, “Nope.” came the voice, “My colleagues have already removed her, Order.”

“Stop calling me that,” Titan commanded, his sword slashing at the air above him.

The voice came again, whispering in his ear, “How do you plan on making me? Quite frankly, the look on your face is priceless, Order.”

“You have learned to disguise your magical power. No matter, it will not save you.”

Pinkie appeared in front of his face and gently booped him on the nose, “I’m not hiding my power. There’s not much to sense, silly.”

A white and gold suit, slightly larger than Pinkie dropped from the sky next to her. The cockpit opened and The Doctor’s head poked out, “Look at what I made! I call it the Celestial Monarch!”

“Why call it that?” Pinkie asked, nimbly dodging Titan’s swings, even and especially the impossible to dodge ones.

“Because I made it out of Celestia, obviously.”

“Do you mean to tell me that you wasted a perfectly good Celestia on a powered armor?”

“I wouldn’t call it a WaaaaAAHHH!” The Doctor shouted as Lyra dragged him away by the ear. “Where did you even come from?” he demanded through his tears.

“Your worst nightmare,”

Titan silently cast a bolt of magic, creating a massive explosion which clipped the dodging Pinkie and sent her flying into a wall.

“Why so serious?” she asked, grinning.

“Are you some minion of Discord, perhaps? This would explain the teleportation.”

“It’s pretty simple really. As long as I’m not observed, I could be theoretically anywhere. As long as you can’t see me, I’m everywhere you’re not looking.”

Pinkie dropped a flash grenade and disappeared. “As much as you try to impose order, Order, chaos always wins,” she shouted from behind him.

“No.” Titan stated, turning to face Pinkie.

“That’s weird,” Pinkie said, slipping past Titan’s attacks, “Usually I teleport when somebody tries to look at me. Oh well. I think everybody else is ready by now.”

Vinyl suddenly dropped from the sky, shouting, “It’s Morphin’ Time!”

“No!” shouted Lyra, “We are not doing that. We were going to do something from G Gundam.”

“I thought it was going to be a Gurren Lagann style battle!” The Doctor argued.

“Just pick one!” Pinkie called, still taunting Titan.

“Pony Rangers!”

“Gundam!”

“Gurren Lagann!”

“Why not all three?” Pinkie suggested.

“Alright then! We need Zord power!” Vinyl shouted, posing dramatically. From behind her, A massive set of speakers appeared and transformed into a form roughly resembling something humanoid.

“Rise, Shining Gundam!” Lyra shouted, snapping her fingers. The towering white mecha burst from nowhere, scooping her into the cockpit.

The Doctor pulled a small drill from inside his golden suit, shouting, “My drill is the drill that will pierce the heavens!” Grinning, he slammed the drill into his powered armor, which promptly grew several stories taller.

Pinkie springboarded off a nonplussed Titan’s sword, and leapt into the air, over the three mechas. “Don’t you get it, Titan? Your lack of emotion makes you weak! You insist on enforcing rules, when the rules don’t even matter!” As she continued her hot-blooded speech, the mechas floated up around her, drawing closer by the second. WIth a flash of light, they fused into one massive machine.

“Crossing genres and universes! The very earth bows before its glory! Tengen Toppa Gundam MegaZord!”

Without warning, the mammoth machine crumbled, cleanly cut into several hundred pieces, its pilots scattered across the broken palace.

Titan instantly stood over the fallen Lyra, sword raised to strike. “Cease your struggles,” He intoned flatly. Bringing his sword down, he found The Doctor waiting for him.

Wincing, he pushed the blade aside. Drips of blood dribbled from a long gash in his foreleg. “Don’t you dare touch my friend,” he whispered, his voice slowly increasing in volume. “You might have enough power to erase life from this earth, but you’re all alone. You make up rules and try to bind others to them.” The blood slowly rose into the air, surrounding his upraised foreleg, forming a spiral pattern. “But this drill is my resolve, the resolve to destroy you and save this world from extinction.” Throwing himself forward, he struck Titan, and with a flash of green light, the world went dark.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Yes! That was awesome!”

“I'm worried now. If Titan nearly killed them, the Taint embodiment will be even worse. Keep your thumb on that trigger, Yellow.”

“But he’ll fire it off too early!”

“That’s the idea. Last time, you almost waited too long.”

“I was in the bathroom!”

“We don’t have a bathroom.”

“I had to sneak into the TARDIS.”

After a moment of silence, Green spoke again, “You know, I just realized something.”

“What is it now, Green?”

“Did you know that Titan is actually an anagram of Taint?”

“That’s actually a really strange coincidence.”

“Yeah. I’d almost think there was something intentional there”

A/N: It was an actual coincidence I noticed when editing.

“Stop being intrusive! Get back into your box!”

A/N: All right! All right! I’m going now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From Titan’s broken form, swirls of shimmering color burst forth. They spread slowly, first to the stones. Then in the distance, Terra’s form was engulfed in radiance Finally, a great column of light burst forth from the Everfree Forest. Flesh gently knitted itself together at the center of the light, growing slowly in size.

Three heads, one black, one green, and one a grotesquely deformed purple, rose on long sinuous necks, hissing. The body itself had one too many legs, and some strange blend of two tails, one a flat violet, the other an ethereal trail of light. Vinyl promptly lost her lunch.

Lyra leapt to her feet, guns appearing in her mechanical hands and opened fire. Roaring, the purple head launched itself at her, baring newly grown fangs.

“This is the embodiment of the future we prevented!” Pinkie shouted, “We have to destroy it!”

Leaping onto the monstrosity’s head, Lyra whipped out a machine gun and ran down the things neck, never letting go of the trigger. A bolt of magic from the green head barely missed her, striking the ground with enough force to create a crater ten feet across.

Vinyl hefted a sword in her mouth and swung it, unleashing a wave of sound, which was blocked by the black head.

“Nothing we’re doing has any effect!” Lyra cried, pouring still more lead into her problem.

“Let me handle this!” Doctor Whooves cried, launching himself at the monster. Ducking under another bolt of magic, he slid underneath the behemoth and struck it with a flash of green.

As he continued his frenzy of blows, the purple head slithered underneath and lifted his still swinging form.

From nowhere, Pinkie began battering the thing, forcing it to release The Doctor, but did about as much damage as a fly to a windshield.

Hissing and roaring, the chimera grew still larger, sprouting horns, legs, and still more heads. Rising slowly into the air, a single wing unfurled from its twisted form. No longer even appearing equine, or for that matter, anything remotely related to the animal kingdom, it launched a razor sharp lance of something organic at Lyra, only to have it blocked by Doctor Whooves.

“You’ll only touch her over my dead body!” he cried, burning with green fire. The Doctor cried out as ten more lances struck him, and he crumpled to the ground.

“No,” whispered Pinkie, “This can’t be possible.”

With a screech, Vinyl parried the next wave of spines with her sword, supported by Lyra’s suppressive fire. However, for every one they deflected or destroyed, ten more rose.

Pinkie’s face darkened, her mane flattening.

One of the many heads launched a bolt of magic, shattering Vinyl’s sword and sending her flying into one of the few walls still standing. Scooping up The Doctor, Lyra threw him in the direction of Vinyl’s crumpled body and leapt in front of the pair, guns blazing. Suddenly, her pistol let out a sharp “click” and the attacks of the chimera converged on her unimpeded.

“No,” Pinkamena stated flatly. She stood in the path of the lances, eyes open but blank. Drips of opaque white slid down the side of her face and slowly etched holes into the ground where they fell.

Waving a foreleg, a wave of white crashed over the beast, erasing the lances and curling up toward its body. The monstrosity cried out as and struggled for a moment, only to find itself devoured faster. As it faded completely, something resembling gratitude crossed the beast’s many faces. Then it was gone.

“Let’s go,” Pinkie whispered, “We’re done here.”

A/N: And that was my entire love of over the top action scenes put into words. I thank ambion for helping me write Titan. I also thank LL once again for proofing the thing.