I Would Like To Discuss The Deep Rock Initiative

by The Ancestor

Rating: teen
Tags: Griffons, Princess Celestia, Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Other, Princess Luna, Science Fiction
Length: 1240

Management assures you, your Highness, it is not a chance you want to pass.

"On behalf of Management, the following contract bestows upon The Company the indelible right to prospect Eqqus in its entirety, granting you the role of an intermediary between Deep Rock Galactic, and planetary governmental bodies.

In return, DRG offers its technological support, coupled with monetary compensation equal to any complications that may, or may not, occur as a result of our ongoing operations.

Management discourages investigation and/or disruption of our planetary operations, which may, or may not, result in bodily injury and/or death of interlopers."

Here’s my, admittedly silly, entry to that dialogue contest.

Published 2024-05-09 20:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-05-09 20:10:01 UTC

Their Majesties

"Herald of Night, Breaker of Dawn, Management sends their regards. We bring these gifts as a sign of goodwill, and hope for future cooperation."

"'Tis been a while since We have witnessed such splendor, sister! The glory days of the Empire, perhaps?"

"Indeed. Equestria is grateful for your offerings, and while our best wizards take interest in their immediate properties, I appreciate the gesture itself. Equestria takes pride in her dedication to peace and harmony. It is a joy to see our values reciprocated."

"I'm glad to hear it, your Highness. Management will be pleased to hear their approach has brought fruit."

"Modern fiction's portrayal of first contact puzzled Us for the longest of times. We are glad to see Our subject's grim predictions disproven."

"Management considers unnecessary conflict bad for business. In the spirit of continued cooperation, Management offers an initiative, one that would greatly benefit both sides. If the Diarchy would be so kind as to hear our proposition..."

"This... Management thee speak of... What are they, exactly? Pardon our Prench, but thy form is... quite unique."

"What my sister means is that we would like to know more about our potential allies. Your name would be a great place to start."

“Ah, where are my manners? Ailred Eillen, I represent DRG’s legal department. As for Management, their group contains various individuals, from humans to dwarfs, each member earning their place through hard work and unwavering conviction to the Company’s beliefs.”

“Which are?”

“Professionalism. Principle. Profit.”

“Hmpf. A reassuring motto. In any case, We see thee are eager to bargain. Speak thy mind, and We will judge thy offer accordingly.”

"Of course. On behalf of Management, the following contract bestows upon The Company the indelible right to prospect Eqqus in its entirety, granting you the role of an intermediary between Deep Rock Galactic, and governmental bodies.

In return, DRG offers its technological support, coupled with monetary compensation equal to any complications that may, or may not, occur as a result of our planetary operations.

Management discourages investigation and/or disruption of our planetary operations, which may, or may not, result in bodily injury and/or death of interlopers."

“...”

“I am willing to answer any questions you may have.”

“What is the nature of your ‘operations’ in our lands? What kind of conduct would result in grievous injury, even death from mere investigation?”

“Choose thy next words carefully, creature. Threats will not get thee far.”

“I-it was no my intention to offend, Your Majesties! Heavy mining equipment, while certified for field use for our workforce, is certainly not safe to be around for any regular person! Furthermore, disruptions to our operations may cause accidents, often with explosive consequences!”

“It doesn’t sound like a safe work environment, yet you allow your own workers to operate anyway?”

“Our workforce is subjected to strict screening protocols. Plus, our R&D is nothing to scoff at. Just last month-”

“Thee have yet to answer Our sister’s question. What is the nature of thy ‘operations’?”

“I’m afraid this information is classified. B-but I’m sure Management will see to properly informing Equestria after the contract is finalized-”

“We will inform you of our decision by nightfall, Mr. Eillen. For now, let us proceed to the dining hall. It would do us all good to mingle, don’t you think?”

“I-.... Of course, your Highness.”

Great Wing

“Great Wing of the noble Griffonian Empire, I represent the will of an interplanetary mining corporation, one that is exceptionally interested in Equus, if you catch my drift.”

“Straight to the point? Were Equestrians a special case, or are we just not worth the trouble?”

“Ah, news spread fast ‘round here, it seems. Truth be told, doing business with a pony is similar to walking on eggshells, one wrong step, and the whole deal goes up in flames.”

“Ha! Add some hypocrisy to the mix, and you’ll know pretty much everything about Equestria’s politicking, then.”

“Oh?”

“For generations tales of the dreaded Nightmare Moon struck terror into our cubs, for centuries, their ilk jeered and cowered in fear at the mere mention of that accursed mare! And when the vengeful monster returns, what do they do? They hug it out, and pretend like nothing happened! Some long-lost Empire appears out of thin air? They rush to plant a figurehead, and pretend like they’re not puppeting the state!”

“All the while acting all high and mighty, boasting about not resorting to needless violence? I know the type.”

“I like you, pointy ears. Speak your business, I can’t wait to hear about your terms.”

“Erm. Well, I’ll leave the legal speak for later, but the gist of it is as follows: Long-range scanners picked up some unusual readings throughout the major continents... Wait a moment, It’ll be easier if I showed you.”

“Dear Boreas! So much flashier than a regular map!”

“Quite so. In any case, Management took interest in these readings, and it just so happens that the majority of them reside in the Equestrian continent.”

“That’s not the proper name.”

“Irrelevant. It’s already in the database.”

“You’ve just made negotiations harder for yourself.”

“Such is the price of honesty and bureaucracy, but I digress. Following our usual MO, we plan to insert a group of trained professionals into the planet’s crust, and-”

“Into the crust?”

“Yes! Scanners indicate high density of organic material in each of the interest sites. Extrapolating our previous experience with similar readings, we conclude the POI to be a target rich environment, which forces us to utilize the tried and true hit and run tactics.”

“Let me get this straight: You’re sinking Wind knows how much resources, energy and personnel, just to go changeling hunting? Why?”

“Management wants it. Please understand that I’m not privy to much of the information regarding Management’s reasoning. But if they want it, it’s gotta be for a good reason.”

“Fine. What do you want from us?”

“Not much, truth be told. In exchange for our financial and technological support, The Griffonian Empire will be responsible for regulating international discourse regarding DRG’s operations in our favour. In return, you will keep your beak out of our operations, and answer any questions that may arise.”

“That’s all well and good, but you’ve yet to answer my question: Why do this? From the looks of it, you have enough resources to do whatever you want, with little to no opposition. So why bother?”

“It is customary to-”

“You may have no equals here, but up there? I reckon’ there are rules you have to follow, or you get punished. Or maybe you don’t want the word of whatever valuables you found here spreading.”

“...”

“I’ll accept your deal, for the good of the Empire, I will. Just keep in mind, we Griffons aren’t afraid to speak our mind. And we don’t take kindly to half-truths.”

“Duly noted. Now, I believe we should discuss the finer details, if you may...”

Crystal Hearthstone

“Heartstone fragment located, target marked for tracking. Analytical engine processing incoming geological data.

...

Filtering background noise

...

Regulating frequency

...

Triangulating position

...

Accounting seismic activity

...

Scan complete. Crystal Hearstone located.”

“Alright, miners. MIssion is selected, and your chariot is ready. Sharpen your picks and polish your beards, we’ve got work to do.”

Author's Note

Man, Deep Rock Galactic is so good, I wish beer was real...

Here’s my entry to the that dialogue contest.