The Scrapbook in the Back of My Mind
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
Roseluck stood motionless. The palace doors loomed before her like a towering obelisk, reminding her just how grand Canterlot Castle truly was. This was to be her first trip to the castle since Twilight had ascended to the throne. With a gulp, she gently pushed the doors inward and crept into the massive throne room.
Taking a moment to look at her surroundings, she was enraptured by the many beautifully crafted stained glass windows adorning the inner walls of the regal room. They depicted Twilight Sparkle and her friends defeating many of the villains that had threatened to upset the balance of Equestria throughout the years. One in particular stood out to her. In it, the alicorn and her fellow Elements of Harmony had trapped the then-evil master of chaos, Discord, in stone.
Knowing Discord now, it was getting harder to remember how he was before his reformation. Still, he had turned her garden into a living nightmare during his brief reign of chaos. Plants and flowers animated with the insatiable desire to consume each other and everypony around them.
She’d been lucky to escape that fate, and even after everything Discord had done to prove he’d changed in the name of harmony, Roseluck couldn’t forgive him.
“Oh my, it’s been so long, Roseluck! How have you been?”
Roseluck shook her head, freeing herself from the thoughts of that day. Her head whipped towards the source of that voice, and she finally caught sight of the reason she’d come to the palace. “H-huh?”
The only other pony in the room chuckled. “I said, ‘how have you been’, Roseluck.”
“O-oh, sorry. Hello, Princess Twilight. I’ve… been better.”
Even from across the room, Roseluck could feel the warmth of Twilight’s gaze. Motherly and soothing, as welcoming as it had been years before when she’d first met her in Ponyville. Still, all of that combined did nothing to lessen the anxiety she was overcome with. Her hooves felt rooted to the floor for fear of disappointing Twilight. Still, she had nowhere else to turn, so with a gulp, Roseluck shuffled forward towards the pony she had come to see.
“I’m sorry to hear that. Is the way you’re feeling related to what brought you here today?”
“Um…” Roseluck began. Several thoughts raced through her mind, and all of them wanted to come out at once. As she neared the throne she lowered her gaze to the floor. So many difficult scenarios to choose from, and she was expected to pick only a singular topic to start off? Impossible.
A giggle broke her free of her thoughts once again, and she looked back up to see Twilight with a grin painted across her muzzle. “Roseluck, there’s no need to act so nervous around me. My job is to help ponies like you overcome their problems and ensure you’re in a good place when you leave here.”
“I-I know,” Roseluck stammered out. She chewed on her lower lip, still unsure of exactly how to proceed. Twilight had helped her out many times in the past, but something about it coming from a position of power this time made it feel… strange.
“... And you must know I would never judge you, my little pony.”
With a sigh, Roseluck finally managed some words of actual substance. “I’ve been feeling… scared, Princess Twilight.”
“Please, just Twilight. We’ve known each other for how many years now?” She punctuated her question with a chuckle. “No formalities necessary.”
The corners of Roseluck’s mouth turned up ever so slightly. Even with the regalia and throne, this was still the Twilight she knew. She felt a little more at ease. “I’m scared of the future, Twilight.”
“And why is that?”
“It’s hard to say, honestly,” Roseluck answered. “But every day, I’m reminded of how much better life used to be. It’s been years since I moved to Ponyville, and I have so many great memories there. But every time I look back on them, it just…”
Twilight tilted her head slightly, a sign to Roseluck that she was confused about where this was heading. “It just… what?”
She hadn’t been planning for it. In fact, she had been praying it wouldn’t happen, but the walls surrounding Roseluck’s stoic facade crumbled away in an instant. Tears welled in her eyes. She wanted nothing more than to unload on Twilight Sparkle about all of it, but only choked sobs broken by sniffles came out. The baggage she’d been holding back for so long flowed freely down her cheeks, wetting her fur.
A pair of wings wrapped around her midsection, and she winced. Pulling a forehoof up to her face, she wiped away some snot. Roseluck’s eyes were brimming with sadness as she finally found her voice and managed to get a few more words out. “It makes me sa-a-a-aaaaaad…” she wailed.
Twilight pulled her just a bit closer, the extra warmth a small comfort. Roseluck nuzzled into her princess’s chest fur, savoring the brief respite. “Why do you find reminiscing on the past sad?”
Keeping herself buried in Twilight’s fur, Roseluck answered, “Because I can’t have those memories back. They’re just… snapshots, fading away in some scrapbook in the back of my mind. I want to have them back.”
Twilight craned her neck down to give Roseluck a nuzzle of her own, gently speaking into her ear, “Roseluck, I can assure you you’re not alone. There comes a point in everypony’s lives when they yearn for their past. But what’s important is recognizing that that’s okay. It’s okay to be sad that incredible moments have passed you by.”
“B-but how do I feel… not sad?”
“That comes with experience,” Twilight spoke softly. “It’s okay to feel sad while also recognizing that you’ve had such great times with friends and family. Cherishing and remembering those memories is one of the things that makes us ponies, even if it also makes us sad.”
Roseluck took a moment to ponder what Twilight was saying. Sure, she had lived a great life up to this point, all of the memories she’d been poring over filled with nothing but good times and happiness shared with her loved ones. The many days she’d spent perusing through the meadows just outside of Ponyville with her sisters, all in the name of finding the prettiest flowers possible. Her first kiss, the day she got her cutie mark, even that hectic day of organizing Cranky and Matilda’s wedding.
They were all wonderful moments that she kept with her. But knowing that those happy moments were moving ever further away was still a troubling thought.
“Growing older isn’t easy, Twilight,” she spoke, lifting her head up to lock eyes with the princess. “Sometimes… I wonder why we have to. I know I’m not the only one that’s getting older, but it hurts to see myself grow old. To see my sisters grow old.”
Twilight offered a kind, knowing smile. “I understand that better than most.”
“Y-you do?” Roseluck asked, punctuated by a sniffle. Wiping away at her snout again, she sat with bated breath, waiting for Twilight to share her wisdom.
Twilight nodded. “Indeed, I do. When I first became an alicorn and was told I was the Princess of Friendship, I assumed not much would change. But no matter how used to something you grow, life has a habit of surprising you.”
“Like when Princesses Celestia and Luna retired?”
“Exactly,” Twilight said, nodding. “Nopony ever expected that their reign would come to an end. After all, they had been ruling over Equestria for thousands of years. Why would they suddenly decide to find an heir?”
“What is it like… being a princess?” Roseluck asked, her eyes shimmering with admiration.
Twilight chuckled. “Well, it’s certainly not easy, but my days definitely don’t drag. I would say I find ways to keep myself busy, but really it’s everypony else that does.”
That elicited a snort from Roseluck. “Heh, you mean like me?”
“Definitely. But I’d say the hardest part is having less time for my friends. I never thought that we would grow apart, but we certainly have, at least physically.”
“And that doesn’t bother you?”
“It terrified me at first,” Twilight replied. That was definitely a surprise to Roseluck, but she gave Twilight room to continue. “But while we may have grown further apart physically, we will always be together in spirit. After all, we’re still the Elements of Harmony.”
Those words did little to help assure Roseluck, who was now left with another question. “But what about regular ponies like me? My sisters, my friends, aren’t connected by the Elements of Harmony like you girls are. What do we do without that kind of connection?”
“Roseluck, if you love another pony enough, you will always have that bond. The Elements of Harmony live in all of us. My friends and I are only the physical embodiment of them, but the spiritual one exists throughout all of Equestria.”
“I-it does…?”
“Have you ever shared in laughter with your friends? Defended them when the need arose? Shown kindness to ponies in need?”
Roseluck thought about those questions for a moment. The answer was undoubtedly yes to each of them, but did that really mean that the Elements lived within them in the same way as they did Twilight and her friends? Roseluck had so many questions she could have asked, but settled on one she felt could answer every trace of doubt she was feeling.
“So you’re saying that even though friends and family may come and go, our experiences and memories will always be carried with us in spirit?”
“Exactly,” Twilight confirmed, rising back to her hooves. Roseluck immediately missed the warmth and comfort her wing had provided, and steadily gathered herself back onto her hooves as well. “Everyone will pass on from this world one day, Roseluck. All that matters is that we cherish the friendships we make along the way and live our lives the way we want to.”
“I think I understand, Twilight,” Roseluck said with a nod, a tiny smile gracing her muzzle. “But that still doesn’t help me with the question that brought me here.”
Twilight hopped back onto her throne, never breaking her gaze with Roseluck. “Oh?”
“How do I keep those memories and experiences from making me sad? The biggest problem I have is that they do. I know they shouldn’t, but they just do.”
“Stop thinking about them,” Twilight said.
The bluntness of that reply threw Roseluck off. “Huh? But I thought you said there was nothing wrong with having these feelings?”
“You’re right, I did say that, and it’s the truth. Roseluck, there’s nothing wrong with revisiting memories from time to time, but focusing too heavily on them can lead towards feelings of sorrow and wistfulness.”
Roseluck lowered her head, falling to her haunches again. “Yeah… These past few months, I’ve been focusing so much on the past. Life hasn’t been the same since Daisy and Lily moved off into their own homes. Sure, they’re still in Ponyville, but I… I just miss seeing them every day. I miss them so much, Twilight.”
“And there is nothing wrong with that,” Twilight assured her. “Missing our friends and family is natural. But spending too long missing them can be unhealthy. For every moment you devote to reminiscing about the past, you need to spend five ensuring your future is filled with that same happiness.”
Roseluck lifted her head back up, meeting Twilight’s gaze once more. “So… there’s nothing wrong with me?”
“Not at all!” Twilight exclaimed with a smile. “Everypony has these feelings from time to time, and everypony struggles to adjust to them at first. Think about what you do, Roseluck. To the ponies on the outside looking in, your garden looks perfect. As if nothing bad has ever happened to it. But what those ponies don’t see is the hard work and care that goes into making it as pristine as it looks. For every weed that grows in your garden, you’ve found a way to replace it with delightfully radiant flowers.”
Roseluck listened intently as Twilight continued. “You’re the only pony who sees that. But just because you’re the only pony to see it doesn’t make it any less impactful. We all have moments we love to look back on that others may not even remember, and that’s okay.”
Finding the strength to stand once more, Roseluck clambered to her hooves and gave a wide smile. “Thank you so much, Princess Twilight.”
“Remember, just Twilight,” she corrected her with a wink.
Roseluck giggled for the first time in what felt like forever. “Sorry, Twilight. I have just one more question, if that’s alright?”
“Absolutely, ask away! I don’t have any more appointments for the day due to someone accidentally burning my schedule and sending it all the way to Celestia over in Silver Shoals. I’d bet she was pretty confused,” Twilight added with a laugh.
“Haha, well from what I remember of Spike, I’m sure she isn’t too surprised,” Roseluck chuckled. “But… I was wondering if I could have another hug? Your wings felt… nice,” she admitted, her cheeks heating up.
Twilight smiled and descended towards Roseluck, wrapping those soft and welcoming wings around her once again. Roseluck leaned into her embrace, cherishing it. For just a moment, all of her worries melted away.
No matter what the future held, one thing was certain to her.
Everything was going to be okay.
Author's Note
This was written from a very real place. I've been struggling a lot lately with focusing too heavily on the past, rather than continuing to form bonds and strength the existing ones I have with friends.
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there with open arms and open eyes. I hope you'll join me on my journey.
Join my Discord and come chat!
