Fallout New Vegas: A New Road

Knock! Knock! Knock!

The three dull thuds rang out as the Courier stood there awkwardly holding his final packages. He tapped his foot, even checking his Pip-Boy as he heard a soft voice ring out.

“…just give me a minute,” Fluttershy called out, her soft voice muffled even further.

Had the human not been equipped with such keen ears, he likely wouldn’t have heard her. He almost went to check his Pip-Boy again, but realized he’d done it the first time and just shrugged in minor annoyance. As he stood waiting, he wracked his brain thinking of the name.

The name Discord did sound a bit familiar but… just wasn’t fully ringing the bells. He could’ve sworn one of the ponies had talked about him before, but at the moment, the human was a bit clueless.

Still had the chaotic sensation inside him though, but he shoved it deep inside, buried it like he could so well by this point. Either way, he waited a bit longer and soon enough the cream-colored pegasus mare opened her front door, looking up at the mailman with a smile.

“Package delivery, Fluttershy,” he offered her the box.

“Oh goodness mister Six, thank you very much,” she said with a gentle smile. “This is that carrot extract I ordered, this stuff is very hard to get your hooves on!”

“Right, uh… there’s one more package here for a-” he paused, checking the notes again, “-Discord?”

“Huh?” she questioned for a moment, before a look of realization crossed her face. “Right, he recently put this down as his address.”

“What for?” he questioned.

“Every time some mailpony went to deliver to his actual house they’d… get lost,” she explained.

“He live out in the Everfree or something?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“No,” she said, as if she was figuring out what exactly to say. Eventually though, she just shrugged. “He lives in his own dimension.”

The Courier just stared at her. She stared back, feeling a tad uncomfortable at his red-lensed gaze.

“Excuse me?” the human asked.

"Well, he’s a being of pure chaos magic that has the ability to jump between dimensions and do a lot of other strange stuff,” elaborated the mare, her voice soft as ever. “But don’t worry, like I said when you were here a few weeks ago, he’s really, really sweet when you get to know him! He's the absolute nicest draconequus I’ve ever met. He just has a… unusual sense of humor.”

“Right…” Six nodded, only partly recalling the last time he was here.

There were a few seconds of silence.

“I still need to deliver this package to him,” the Courier pointed out.

“I can grab it for you,” she offered.

“I would, but I’d prefer to give this directly to the recipient in question, or at least his mailbox,” the Courier shrugged. “Professionalism and all.”

In truth, it was more than likely self-induced perfectionism, but who was keeping track, right?

“I am supposed to have a tea party with him today...” Fluttershy said in thought, raising a hoof to her chin. “I guess he wouldn’t mind an extra guest, just for a few minutes.”

“This is the last delivery for the day... You don’t mind me waiting then?” the human questioned.

“Of course not,” she said, giving a kind smile.

“Alright, I can just wait here for him to arrive an-”

“Actually, it’d be better if you did it inside,” she explained. “Typically he just teleports himself directly into my cottage.”

“...right,” the human shrugged.

“Just come in and give me a moment to get the snacks ready,” she said kindly, backing up so the bulky man could enter.

“You don’t have to worry about that, I ate this morning,” he replied, ducking down a bit to enter.

“It’s alright, I always make extra,” she smiled. “Besides, if you try some of my teacakes, I’m sure you’d understand why a vegetarian diet is better.”

“Uh huh…” the human nodded. Before long, he was seated at the same small table he’d had been in a few weeks prior.

Fluttershy was in the kitchen making tea and finishing up the confections, humming to herself as the human was skimming his memories. While sitting there, he began to recall their previous conversations, likely jogged by the familiar surroundings this time, along with his brief conversation with the soft-spoken pegasus.

Discord?

Discord.

Discord…

Right, right! He remembered now, a bit at least.

The Courier had forgotten about him in truth. As he pondered over it, he remembered that Pinkie said this ‘Discord’ was the Lord of Chaos or something? The insomnia induced stupor he’d been in at the time likely clouded his brain. He only remembered bits and pieces of the prior conversation. The bullet wound to the head didn’t help either.

He soon shook himself from the past, faded memories into the present, and looked back up to see Fluttershy fly into the room, a tray in hoof. After she sat it on the table, the mailman looked around, examining the cottage. Most of the animals had scattered from his presence, as they did last time he was here.

“So, when will he be arriving?” asked the human.

“All I have to do is call out for him and he’ll appear,” she explained with a smile. “He always keeps an ear out for his friends, like me, Spike, and Big Mac.”

“What is he, omniscient?” Six asked.

Fluttershy thought for a moment, rattling the word around in her head, before she seemingly remembered what it meant, her ears perking up a bit.

“Ooh! Uh… no,” she answered. “He can use his magic to do a lot of things, but he’s not all-knowing.”

“Guess it makes sense, given he didn't know he had a package,” Six muttered, sitting the small cardboard box in question onto the table.

“I’m sure he’ll be extremely thankful about you bringing his packa-”

Immediately, the mare was interrupted as right between the human and the pony, a portal opened. It was like someone literally tore a hole through space-time and the air itself; no different than one would rip their way through a wrapped present or thin piece of cloth.

From the hole in reality came a very strange creature. Goat-like head, goatee, crazy yellow eyes, but the horns were mix-matched, one being more deer-like. Had a lion’s paw and a bird-like hand as well. Very, very strange, reminiscent of something like the Nightstalkers. Honestly the creature would look right at home in the Big MT… like a lot of other things he’d seen around here, actually.

“A package! For me!?!” the creature excclaimed, his voice masculine and jovial. “Why, you shouldn’t have!”

The chimera-like being, no doubt Discord, slithered his body fully out of the rip in reality. Very serpent-like. He just floated in midair as he reached out his forelimbs to grab the box off the table. It was then the Courier noticed he had a Hawaiian shirt on, the kind he’d seen in numerous old magazines and such.

“Discord!” Fluttershy exclaimed with excitement, her wings flapping a tiny bit as she hovered up to hug the still-floating chimera. “It’s so great seeing you again!”

“And I can say the same for you, dear Fluttershy,” he said, gently embracing her with his right arm, his lion’s paw resting on her back as he took her into a hug. “I would’ve been back from the eighth dimension sooner, but that monkey man gave me more trouble than I expected; was gone for a few days longer than I intended!”

Fluttershy giggled at that and Six just watched as the draconequus literally zipped the hole in reality back up, as if it were the fly on a pair of jeans. The human blinked a few times, staring blankly…

Had the tea been spiked? Probabl- no, wait, he hadn’t even taken a sip! Ah shit.

Can’t even use the hallucination excuse either! Fuck.

Six just sat there in silence, mentally grappling with the fact he was watching what amounted to a demigod hugging a miniature horse. Discord himself had set his red pupils on the package the mailman had brought. Fluttershy broke off the hug as the draconequus began to look over it.

“Ooohh, it’s from Tree Hugger!” the chaotic creature said with a smirk.

He then reached out his bird-like foreclaw, running his sharp pointer-talon down the side of the package. After a second, Discord flattened his palm to paper thin proportions, reached inside the small slit in the box, and then pulled out the contents. Somehow (likely via magic) it had survived the trip, and in the chaotic creature held a small bonsai tree. It even had a tiny pear growing from it!

“A bonsai, how thoughtful!” chuckled Discord, before snapping his fingers, causing the small pear to grow easily to the size of the tree itself… and also turn blue. “I just love blueberry-flavored pears, this will go perfect with our tea party!”

“It looks delicious,” Fluttershy giggled at that, nodding her head in agreement. “Let me get the cutlery, I’ll be right back!”

As she flew into the kitchen, the human was just trying to… take it all in, for lack of a better term. Magic was one thing, but this was far, faaar out there, even for him. Just roll with the punches, no need to ponder.

He exhaled.

Upon hearing the noise, Discord’s gaze snapped over to him. The draconequus noticed the burly mailman for the first time now that his beloved pegasus was out of sight. As he stared at the human, his face was one of concentration, perhaps a smidge of confusion in there?

“Do I know you?” asked the large serpent.

“I would honestly be concerned if you did,” Six replied.

Discord managed a small chuckle.

“Ahhh, a dry sense of humor, is it?” he questioned with a smirk, his singular sharp tooth hanging out of his mouth as he did.

“I was just here to drop off my deliveries. With that out of the way, I can head home,” Six said, scooting back in his chair to stand up.

“What, do I ‘scawre’ you?” Discord chuckled, putting on a mocking voice.

“Not particularly,” Six replied as he remained seated, giving a tired, annoyed sounding sigh. “I would just rather go home and get some rest after a day of work.”

“How about we get into proper introductions… you’re a courier, right?” Discord mused, his elongated body slithering around in the air as he began to look over every inch of the human.

“Could also say mailman but Courier Six, yeah,” the human nodded.

“And I suppose you can already guess my name,” smirked the draconequus.

“You’re Discord, the Lord of Chaos or whatever,” he nodded.

“You flatter me,” chuckled Discord, waving his bird-like claw with a smirk. “Why, I’m turning red just from hearing your compliments!”

The Courier watched as the chaotic creature turned a deep, beet red, his entire body taking on the same shade.

“Right,” the mailman said flatly.

“Though I must admit, it is quite bizarre a human found its way into Equestria,” mused Discord.

The Courier minorly perked up at that.

“And what would you know about humans?” he asked.

“Hmmm, what do I know about humans?” the draconequus smirked back, pressing a finger up to his chin in faux thought. “Well that depends, are we talking about the ones from the mirror or the ones from other Hasbro properties?”

“...what?” blanked Six.

“You could consider Equestria Girls its own property. Hmm. I also know that there are some that love going ‘Yo Joe!’ and then there’s the ones who had their planet invaded by giant transforming alien robots, and then there’s the-”

The Courier reached up a gloved hand and clamped it around Discord’s muzzle.

“I don’t have time for your quirks,” growled the burly mailman. “Just answer the question.”

Discord grew a scowl, before suddenly, the Courier felt someone tap his shoulder. He turned to see a second Discord sitting in a formerly empty chair right beside him.

“Huh?” grunted the human, turning back to see what he held in his hand was a life-sized replica of the draconequus… Which was fully made of chocolate.

“It’s very rude to touch others without their permission, you know,” Discord scolded, wagging a pointer finger.

Six just increased his grip, shattering the muzzle of the fake Discord.

“Manners aren’t particularly as important where I’m from,” the human said, before adjusting his helmet and biting into the chocolate.

“Tsk tsk tsk. Manners maketh man,” Discord replied with a scolding, almost teacher-like tone.

“There’s a lot more to make a man, namely nerves and flesh and muscle and internal organs,” the human countered.

The draconequus rolled his eyes at the snark. Discord could see it in his… lenses, even when faced with what was the closest thing to a deity Equestria had, the human wasn’t going to play along, at least not in a fun way.

Unfortunate.

“I’ll have you know I have a theoretical degree in physics, and I will not put up with this snark!” Discord boasted. “I can make a million men with a snap of my finger, flesh and bone and all!”

“Guess you’re not as dumb as you look, then,” snarked the human.

“Oh yeah? Easy for you to say with that mask on!” growled the chaotic creature, before suddenly reaching into his Hawaiian shirt’s pocket and pulling out a large, camcorder-like device. It was a bright orange color and had the words ‘Face-Revealer 3000’ emboldened on it.

He pointed it right at the Courier’s face and pressed a comically large red button on the side, as if he was recording something. However, as he looked at the flip-out screen, all he saw was blackness. The serpentine embodiment of chaos huffed and smacked the side of the camera.

Still nothing.

He smacked it again, and finally the screen lit up!...

...Only to reveal nothing but static.

“Doh, I knew I should’ve tried this thing before I bought it!” he spat, finally throwing aside.

From out of nowhere a trash can magically poofed into existence, catching the orange camera, before they both vanished in a cloud of magical dust.

Six didn’t even question it at this point.

“You done?” he asked monotonically, sitting aside the leftover piece of the chocolate muzzle before checking his Pip-Boy.

“I figured you’d be less boring to be around, given you’re basically an alien,” the annoyed trickster said. “Tell me, are all the humans from your world as flat and as dull as you’re shaping up to be?”

“Only when we need to be,” the Courier replied. In truth, he was chuckling on the inside, having a bit of fun with the whole ordeal.

“...You do know I could turn you into a gopher, right?” Discord threatened.

“That’d only be the… third weirdest thing to happen to me,” Six shot back. “And that’s being generous.”

“I have no idea why Fluttershy would invite a buzzkill like you to our tea party,” Discord said.

“Like I said, I was just here to drop off the mail,” defended the human. “She roped me into this.”

“Gah, sometimes she’s too kind for her own good!” the draconequus huffed, slumping down a bit.

“I can just sneak out the front door,” offered the human with a smirk.

“After she so graciously invited you in?” Discord shot back.

“You don’t even want me here,” pointed out Six.

“I’d rather have you here than make Fluttershy disappointed,” the chaotic creature retorted. "Unlike you, I know what it's like to be a good friend."

“Whatever,” shrugged the human, reaching for a cup of tea.

Discord himself just turned away with a “hmph,” crossing his arms as he did.

From there, the Courier sipped at his drink, and Discord tapped his bird-like claws on the table. Each time one made contact, a dull thump would ring out, and the tablecloth would change color. It went from pale pink, to a fiery red, forest green, deep purple and so on and so forth. Six just looked at him in thought as he continued turning the cloth into various colors.

He briefly turned to look into the kitchen, he could faintly see Fluttershy butchering the large blueberry-pear hybrid thing Discord made with a big meat cleaver. After that, he looked back to the chaotic creature in question, staring at him. The inner biologist in the human almost wanted to ask how… well, any part of him worked. Though for now, he just remained silent.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” Discord huffed, before snapping his fingers.

Immediately a polaroid camera appeared, snapping a shot of him and the Courier. The human’s lenses helped keep him from being blinded fully by the obnoxious flash, and a moment later, the chaotic chimera grabbed the resulting photo as it slid from a small slot in the camera.

“One second,” Discord said, shaking the photo in question. However, as it developed, the picture looked off.

As the Courier looked, he realized it was all in a photo-negative coloration. Discord grunted in frustration and shook the picture again. Now everything was too bright, with the Courier wearing a deep pink set of the riot armor, with Discord being a strange shade of blue.

“Pfft, cheap fifth dimensional junk,” huffed the draconequus, before he folded the picture into an origami crane, and it flew away.

Discord then looked to the camera, and casually tossed it behind himself, with it slamming against the wall. Several small squirrels and mice scattered as it exploded into confetti on impact.

"What is with my luck with electronics today?" bemoaned the chaotic overlord.

“So... You can do basically anything with your magic, huh?” Six asked.

“Anything as long as it’s chaotic,” Discord replied.

“Including jumping dimensions, apparently,” the human followed up.

“Bah, that’s child’s play!” smirked the mix-matched chimera, waving his lion-like paw with a snicker.

There was a pause as the human pondered something.

“So why exactly can’t you send me back to mine?” growled the human.

“Like I said, I can only work within certain confines. I’m not really knowledgeable on Bethesda; Hasbro never did any cross promotional brand deals with them to my knowledge, so Fallout isn’t my forte,” he replied.

The human was silent.

…

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Jeez, watch the potty mouth; some of us have manners, you know!” Discord huffed.

The human just remained silent this time. He was wanting to go back to the ‘maketh man’ comment, but he felt like listening rather than snarking was actually more important for the moment.

“Look, I didn’t summon you here, and that’s all you need to know. And I don’t think I could get you back either, even if I put my all into it. As I've said there’s only certain universes I can hop through and time travel around, alright!” he explained. “I blame copyright laws for that one.”

Six blinked his eyes closed, shaking his head to see if he was dreaming or not. After a second, he opened them. When he didn’t appear back inside his shit-shack, he just gave a sigh, realizing this was real.

Weirder than the Big MT?... Maybe? Possibly.

He just remained silent at that, and before long, Fluttershy came back in with an assortment of desserts made from the large pear-blueberry thing. Little pies and crumpets and whatnot.

“Sorry for taking so long, I didn't expect to be making these,” she explained, wiping a small bead of sweat from her brow.

“Fluttershy, dear, you do realize I could’ve whipped this all together in a literal snap of my fingers, right?” Discord said, his tone a lot less devious, sounded genuine, at least to the Courier.

“Oh no, it’s alright, really! You are my guest after all!” she replied with a small blush.

Discord smiled softly back at her.

Ah, so that’s how it was. Snake-goat-deer-bird-thing and shy pegasus.

Wonder what the kids would look li-

He felt a tap on the shoulder.

“Excuse me, but are you going to rudely sit there in silence the entire time, or are you going to join us for this tea party?” Discord said, moving his long, slithering tail away from the Courier, who saw that the tip of it had morphed into a hand-like appendage. Again, he didn’t question it.

“Oh yes, I’d love to hear about the wildlife back where you come from,” Fluttershy said, before going behind her mane a tad. “If you don’t mind, I mean.”

Six leaned back in his seat.

“Lotta giant insects,” he said in thought. “I think I tried studying them on occasion but uh, I was a bit too busy eatin’ em to do much else.”

Fluttershy frowned at that.

“I know it’s gross, but that’s just how life is as I said,” the human shrugged. “But really though, we humans are decent at working with most creatures. Got good at taming them. Had dogs, cows, and cats back in the day, some people even kept stuff like lizards and birds and whatever.”

“Would you say you’re good at that?” Fluttershy asked. “Keeping animals safe and in check, I mean.”

“A bit yeah… I remember helping a guy, uh, Chalk. Yeah, helped him and his tribe herd some Big Horners back in my time in Zion. I used to go on cattle drives too… I think?" the human shrugged. "That memory’s a bit fried but, I think I can keep even big ones in check.”

“You did… fight that Bugbear,” Fluttershy mused quietly, though more to herself.

“Why do you ask?” the human questioned.

“No specific reason,” Fluttershy added, though she spoke a bit too quickly. She definitely had a specific reason in mind.

Was hiding something. Likely not something bad. Probably wanted a favor actually… Wouldn’t press it for now, not directly anyways.

“You uh, run that sanctuary thing?” the human asked. “That’s what that carrot juice or whatever was for, right?”

“Yes, those poor little bunnies I take care of can work themselves to exhaustion when running around, especially in the summer heat or when they’re avoiding predators before I bring them to safety!” she said, her lip quivering a bit in thought. “It’s a wonder poor little Angel Bunny can handle it when I’m gone!”

“Well at least now that I’m back, I can help at your sanctuary when needed,” Discord offered, before grabbing a small teacup and sipping on it. However, the cup seemed to never end, filling the Lord of Chaos’ mouth so much that his cheeks began to puff a bit, before he finally swallowed.

“No no no! Discord, I could never burden you with my problems!” Fluttershy squeaked. “Especially when we have those dinner plans coming up so soon!”

“Pish posh! I can handle all of this with a literal snap of my fingers!” the mix-matched creature pointed out.

“But we both know your chaos magic scares the animals,” Fluttershy said with a considerate tone. “They think it’s unnatural!”

“They’re just being overdramatic,” Discord replied, waving his lion-like claw. “I know they could get used to it.”

“But what if-”

Fluttershy was cut off when a loud clinking sound rang out, silencing the couple’s quarrel.

Both her and her draconequus companion looked over at the third member of the tea party.

The Courier moved his spoon away from the teacup and laid it down onto his tray. He sort of felt the same song and dance coming. A classic distraction, a sidetracking quest given by the wasteland. Er- Ponyland, in this case. Oh whatever. Just get it out of the way!

“When is the date?” he asked. Both Discord and Fluttershy looked between each other, and then back to the human as he grabbed a miniature pear-blueberry pie.

“This Saturday,” answered Discord. “But I don’t see-”

“Shhhh,” the human hushed him calmly, his mask making his tone sound a bit garbled.

“I’m not a foal you know,” Discord growled back.

“I’ll make it nice and easy; I’ll watch the sanctuary while you guys go,” the human said casually.

“But why-”

He cut Fluttershy off.

“Because that was the exact idea you had on your mind,” he said bluntly, pointing a gloved finger at her.

A moment later, he adjusted his mask and began eating the mini pie she’d made. He shoved the bite into his cheek with his tongue as he continued, speaking with his mouth full like some type of uncouth hooligan.

“Your line of questioning is one I’ve had to deal with a thousand times before,” he said, his voice a bit warbly due to the strange fruity pie in his mouth. “Let’s just cut to the chase and we’ll say… friends help friends, I’m your friend, I’ll help you, don’t be afraid to accept help… or whatever other lesson-of-the-week those old children’s radio programs would have in them, alright?”

The two non-humans looked between each other for a few seconds and then finally back to the human once more.

“…I guess it wouldn’t hurt,” Fluttershy admitted softly.

“Fluttershy, if you’re fine with it, then so am I,” Discord agreed.

“Alrighty then, just lay the schedule on me and we’ll be good to go,” nodded the human, finishing his small confection.

Fluttershy nodded, and the burly man watched as she went into a different room. She soon flew back in and had a gigantic scroll in her forehooves. She went to unfurl it, however one portion of it slipped from her grip. It fell to the ground and cartoonishly rolled out a few feet along the floor of her cottage.

The Courier leaned sideways out of his chair, his eyes widening in shock as he followed the list. By the time it stopped rolling, it wound up being nearly ten feet long! She blushed in both embarrassment and annoyance and turned to Discord.

“What’s wrong?” he said with a devious smirk. “I just added a few extra tasks, might as well make sure our parcel-delivering friend here finishes all of them!”

“Discord, we do not take advantage of our friends!” growled Fluttershy, her soft voice becoming shockingly stern.

“Ohh alright,” the draconequus relented.

A moment later, he snapped his fingers, and a bit after that, Fluttershy went over the list with the human. A bit after that, he left the cottage (and the tea party) behind him, the parchment in hand, going off back down the trail towards his own small shack to rest up for the day...