Fallout New Vegas: A New Road

Ponyville was slowly wrapping up, with a majority of the outdoor vendors having closed down for the night. However, a small number of them remained, especially the one with a large sign, which proudly displayed a crudely drawn carrot.

A portion of bits were sat down on the counter in front of the orange mare. She smiled, ducking down behind her vendor stand to pull out a bag of carrots, which she handed off to her mulberry customer.

“Thanks a ton for your purchase! We carerot a lot about your support!” beamed Carrot Top.

“You really need to work on your jokes, Top,” Berry Punch replied, her tone and face both flat.

The orange mare’s ears fell a bit, minorly disappointed at the lack of a laugh.

“Well, maybe next time,” she managed after a moment, perking herself right back up.

“Yeah uh… you wanna go grab a bite?” the purple offered.

“I would, Berry, but I’ve gotta remain here; don’t close for another two hours!” the farmer explained.

“You’re not closing until twelve?” the other mare questioned.

“Of course not! Have you ever wanted a late-night carrot and been denied of it?” replied the orange earth pony.

“...No?” Berry Punch replied.

“Hmph! Well, others have had their dreams of midnight carrots crushed! I cannot stand for that!” boasted the determined Carrot Top, her face taking on a look of pride and… patriotism?

Berry Punch just stood, staring at her with an utterly baffled expression.

“...Right then,” said the mare, turning away. “Well, I’ll leave you too… that then.”

“See ya tomorrow, Berry!” Carrot Top called excitedly.

“Yeah, maybe then we can actually have dinner together,” Berry Punch nodded, trotting away.

As she advanced down the street and out of Carrot Top’s vision, she rolled her eyes.

“Why do I even bother…” she huffed to herself.

The Courier didn’t have time to change direction. That was the unfortunate part of it.

As he breached free from the forest, he could see Ponyville just about a quarter mile ahead at best. He was surrounded now by the unwieldy, rolling hills that surrounded the town. He paused only for a split second to look around, and then immediately his brain got to firing its synapses, trying to think up a good plan.

Well, ‘good’ was subjective, but still a plan would work at the moment.

He heard the thunderous sound of a tree being uprooted behind him and didn’t even turn back. He wasn’t some cheap bimbo from a horror film. He knew how this went down! Just bolted straight ahead. There was a pathway nearby, less rugged, dirt was smoothed down from hundreds, if not thousands of hooves hitting it over the years. Was less unwieldy than following the grassy hills, where any wayward hole or rock could trip him up.

Ah fuck, what the hell man!

Leading a three ton wolf into a town of colorful pastel ponies. Bad idea! But it’d be just as bad of an idea to turn into a different direction now. Getting eaten wasn’t on the bucket list; how would a wolf of wood even eat anyways?

Gah, focus!

As he rushed ahead, he saw a unicorn trotting towards him. Said stallion immediately widened their eyes upon seeing not only the bizarrely dressed human rushing at him, but also the massive timberwolf chasing said human. He froze up like a deer in headlights, and thus the Courier booked it towards him, deciding on the only logical course of action!

Six reached out, grabbed the stallion by his face and just tossed him off to the side, sending him tumbling between some bushes.

“Stay down you fuckwit!” the human shouted, running on ahead as the wolf focused on him instead of the now disguised unicorn.

As the stallion laid there, he brought his forehooves up over his head, defending himself as the extremely loud thuds of the timberwolf rang in his ears. All the while this happened, the Courier had pulled out Lucky.

He didn’t exactly have time to aim, so he just arched back a bit and blind-fired the old revolver as best he could. The .357 was decently powerful, broke off some woodchips, but it didn’t hit anything vital, and so the beast continued on.

By this point he was at the edge of town, with some of the houses becoming much less spread out. He could see the occasional pony draw open their windows to check what the loud commotion was, only to immediately slam them shut or cower back into the safety of their own private domiciles.

As he reached the weaving streets of Ponyville proper, he saw a slightly familiar mare turn the corner. She noticed him as soon as he noticed her. The wolf was a couple dozen meters back, so he had a moment to spare.

“Courier Si-” Berry Punch was cut off as he literally placed his hand right onto her muzzle and shoved her backwards. For the second time that day, the human manhandled a pony, and the earth mare sputtered about as she fell to the ground, kicking up dirt and debris. “Gah! What the-”

“Giant monster chasing me,” the human said, finally getting the chance to holster the emptied Lucky. He replaced the revolver with his Winchester 1887, and then fully focused on aiming it down the street. “Stay out of the way so you don’t get hurt.”

With that explanation, he rushed off away from the mare and towards danger. Had to make sure the big wooden fuck stayed focused on him, after all!

The timberwolf had been partly distracted by several screams of panic, and currently it was sniffing at the window of a small home. With few ponies on the streets, the monster was focusing on the houses, where the scent was freshest. It seemed the only thing that overshadowed its hatred for the Courier was its own appetite.

Needless to say, the human put an end to it, firing out a slug at the monster. Everypony that heard the gunshot quickly flattened their ears against their skull. Despite the fact most of the equines were inside their houses, the gunshots were still quite loud. The sounds were alien, unnatural to them, like miniature cannon fire, and most ponies weren't exactly familiar with cannons in the first place anyways!

The 20-gauge slug embedded itself into the monster’s neck, making it howl once more as it turned to face the human. Had it been an organic creature, that likely would’ve dropped it, or at least put it on the path of bleeding out. Given the timberwolf… that obviously didn’t happen. Instead, it let loose a second thunderous ROAR! and turned fully to the human. Oh well, at least none of the ponies were in its path.

“Yeah, come on you woody prick!” the Courier shouted, flicking the lever-action with one hand, doing yet another badass loop with it that spit the used shell onto the ground.

He didn’t run this time.

There were nooks and crannies to use as cover when needed. An old cart to duck behind, or a closed down fruit stall to use as a chance to reload. It was less unwieldy than the forest had been. No reason to not make the stand here… minus the fact he was in a residential area, but honestly, property damage was worth it.

It rushed him down instantly of course, and he didn’t have much time to ponder potential collateral beyond that. He quickly rolled to the right, out of the giant charging beast’s path. Felt the air whiz by him as the monster’s attack missed. The human’s roll quickly ceased, with him on his knees as his duster billowed, dirt having been kicked up by the dodge.

Six heard a loud CRACK! and as he turned on a dime, he saw the beast had smashed into a wagon, turning it into useless planks and small metal chunks. Thankfully this had the unintended effect of partly stumbling the timberwolf. Six used this time to unload several slugs into the creature’s tail end, hitting its upper thighs, its knees, he even aimed down and shot it in the back of its ankle.

The timberwolf howled, rearing up and turning, tossing several large planks of wood that clunk to its large claws about. Some of them flew at the human. Whether or not it was intentional was up for debate, but what mattered is that Six quickly began dodging out of the way, rolling once more.

He then refocused on the timberwolf, which was charging again. As it rushed him, it brought back its right claw, ready to swipe at the human. Six smirked at that, he held the Winchester in his left hand, reaching down with his right to pull out his Big Iron.

Ranger Sequoia was unsheathed like a legendary sword from the days of old as he aimed down. The mailman went to activate Implant GRX, would get the bastard in the eye-

“Gah! Fuck!” the human managed, his head instantly being filled with a painful migraine out of nowhere!

Even though the world slowed around him, he instinctively dropped his 1887, sending the shotgun tumbling to the ground as he reached up and grabbed at his head. He managed to let loose three shots at the timberwolf as his vision went partly staticky, like an old television set giving out or the face of a securitron shutting down. The world’s colors blurred about uselessly as it felt like someone was playing around with his brain, running their disgusting fingers over its wrinkled folds.

To his credit, he did land the three rounds.

Two of them slammed uselessly into the sturdy wooden chest of the timberwolf, and the third impacted the beast’s muzzle. It howled in pain as large chunks of wood were knocked away, however it still let loose its swat at the smaller human.

The Courier’s upper chest was impacted, leaving several large scrapes up the front of his duster as he was sent skyward. He was knocked uselessly into the air like that of a ragdoll, with his Big Iron being knocked from his grip by the attack.

He didn’t have time to curse the Sequoia’s loss as he flew aimlessly into the air. The sheer strength of the monster sent him flying easily the distance of a small city block, dozens of meters down the street and towards a particularly large, fancier building…

"Oh my, this dinner looks absolutely lovely," Fluttershy said, looking down at the carefully decorated plate of veggies.

It was a high class, five-star gourmet, even if the serving portion was small. Even still, Discord didn't roll his eyes at the fact that this pittance was barely enough to cover even half of their usual tea-parties. Still though, the whole thing made Fluttershy happy, and if that were the case, well then he was just glad to see his marefriend smiling and taking in the moment!

"Of course my dear Fluttershy, nothing but the best for-"

The Lord of Chaos was interrupted as the nearby window gave way, the loud sound of shattering glass rang out. The shrill noise cut off the soft, divine-sounding music that was being performed by Octavia on a nearby stage. Her and her band looked on in wide-eyed horror as a distinctly human-shaped object flew into (and across) the room.

As the glass rained down on the two lovebirds, Discord quickly snapped his fingers, and it became a cloud of confetti that harmlessly drifted downwards, sticking to his face and in Fluttershy’s mane. Despite his quick thinking, their meal was still ruined as a flailing boot accidentally knocked their table over, sending their tiny meals clattering to the floor.

The Courier's arms and legs continued to flail and jerk out wildly as he attempted in vain to grab something, anything to stop his airborne form! He had no luck sadly, and of course his flight path sent him dozens of feet across the room, careening right towards the marvelous display of confections that were expertly laid out along a long, rectangular table.

Dessert time was ruined as the Courier slammed back-first into said table, utterly shattering it in half, and sending a mixture of cupcakes, eclairs, and other pastries into the air... and then right back down onto him! Even still, his momentum kept him sliding another few feet, before he slammed the top of his head into the one table that hadn't been demolished. Yet sadly that was the table holding up a decently sized, decorative chocolate fountain...

Of course, given his bullet-resistant helmet met with the sturdy, yet thin wooden leg of the piece of furniture, it was obvious what was winning the resulting clash. A loud SNAP! of the wooden leg was the last thing he heard before his world was engulfed in a swamp of chocolate. The fountain was upturned, and dumped itself right onto him, leaving him in a puddle as some marshmallows and strawberries, (initially intended for dunking in said chocolate) were now floating about or stuck to his duster.

The Courier had raised his hands to defend himself, but they just stayed there, pointing upwards at nothing as his open palms were filled with chocolate and the occasional piece of frosting or cake. He could slowly see his vision returning as the melted chocolate leaked off of his eye lenses, leaving him to stare at the ceiling for a moment. Under the mask he blinked a few times, almost comically.

Fluttershy had instinctively jumped up from the crash earlier, and was now hovering, wide eyed, only the sound of her wings letting anyone know of her existence as she was covering her mouth with her forehooves, obviously out of shock and concern. Under any other circumstance, Discord would've hacked out a lung from laughing, but he just stood there, scowling, a twinge of concern on his face, though it wasn't fully certain if it was for the mailman, his pegasus date, or both.

There wasn't much time to decide either, as the two watched the Courier's open, defensive palms clench into a pair of balled fists. They could visibly see the anger boiling up in him. While Fluttershy was initially going to fly over to help the human, she remained hovering, partly because she sensed it too, and partly because Discord brought up a defensive arm to keep her from moving any closer.

The human in question slowly stood up, first by rising up to a sitting position, letting the ponies around see the cake and sweets stuck to him, before he adjusted and pulled himself up to his feet. As he did this, more and more sickly sweet, sugary goods leaked from his coated body. As he rose, the Courier must've caught something out of the corner of his eye, because his head jerked to the side so quick, his neck popped, his tense muscles feeling a bit more relaxed from the impromptu chiropractor session.

He didn't pay the “relief” any mind as he walked over to a nearby red metal box attached to the wall. It had a large plate of glass in front of it that said ‘In case of fire, break glass!’ The instructions were followed, (minus the fire part) as the mailman's fist shattered the glass into pieces, before he yanked out the massive fire axe that was inside of the box.

The Courier examined the sharpness of the never-used blade, before he reached down, pulled out one of his many revolvers, one chambered for .44 magnum. The black steel of the weapon was now coated in a mixture of bright oranges, pinks, and blues, with plenty of sprinkles on top too, which truly added to the once-decorative icing.

He flicked open the cylinder one-handed, examining the fact it was filled with rounds. After giving a low, annoyed growl of confirmation, the human flicked it shut again and cocked it. Even if the smaller iron likely wouldn’t do as much against the beast, a gun in the hand felt natural in this chaotic moment.

Regardless, the human soon began advancing back towards the window which he had shattered making his grand entrance. It was obvious he was seeing red by now.

Discord and Fluttershy looked at him as he walked over to the two. It was as if some vague part of the Courier's currently headache and primordial anger-fried brain recognized the two, as the second he got up next to their downed table, he stopped, looking at them.

His gaze made Fluttershy slink back for a moment in his terrifying presence. Her gusto and willingness to stand up for herself faded away as, for just a moment, it seemed the Courier himself could match The Stare.

Even Discord recoiled a bit as he saw the eyes behind the lenses of the Courier's mask. They looked... dark, maddened, almost chaotic, and very definitely pissed.

However, the Courier soon broke the staring competition, looking down at the table. With a hefty grunt, he swung his axe up, letting it rest on his shoulder. He put his revolver into its holster, before then using his newly freed hand to pick up the table.

The cloth that covered it was still on the floor, along with the two's former meals, however the minor adjustment seemed to be enough for the human. With the anomaly righted, the Courier looked back up at the two, and gave the faintest of nods, barely moving his head a quarter of an inch.

“Enjoy your meal,” he growled, finally shaking off the headache and jostling he’d gotten from the timberwolf, enough to speak at least.

He then made his way back towards the impromptu entrance he made, the confetti crunching under his powerful boots. The two lovebirds watched from behind as he hopped clean over the windowsill. Even his duster cleared the remnants of broken glass, not getting caught on anything. Now outside, the mailman walked off into the darkness of the night, clearly ready to put down the wooden bastard that had sent him here.

"Oh goodness... Should we help him?" Fluttershy finally asked after a long silence, almost startling Discord.

Even having just recovered from the shocking series of events that just happened, she felt worried for her human friend, her element shining through even in the strangest of times.

"I... think he would rather have us enjoy our dinner," answered the draconequus, looking down at the recently righted wooden table. He was filled with a mixture of emotions, notably, annoyance, from the ruination of the date, happiness, obviously due to Fluttershy being alright, and a lingering feeling of horror, from having stared into the hollow eyes of a pissed off mailman…

A bit later and said pissed off mailman was watching as the giant timberwolf shoved its snout through the window of the house, shattering the glass and forcing a good portion of its muzzle inside.

The Courier just whistled, his loud, shrill sound being easily picked up by the timberwolf’s powerful ears. The beast stopped its hunger-filled rampage, pulling its head away from the house and leaving the scared colt inside alone.

“Yo toothpick,” the crazed human said, readying his axe with both hands, his gloved fingers tightening around the long wooden handle as he gripped it like some type of 80s slasher villain, “let’s tango.”

It rushed at him with a growl, not needing any more convincing!

The human quickly shifted to the left, considered activating GRX but didn’t want to risk another skull-pounding headache. The bigger monster was a bit unwieldy, and the human used this to his advantage. Like a lumberjack (or rather, a limberjack,) he swung the axe downwards and slammed it into the back of the timberwolf’s left ankle.

Given the beast was moving quicker than a bat out of hell, he only managed to get it partially into the big creature’s leg, being unable to properly embed the weapon into the monster. Thus as its leg moved upwards, the Courier stumbled back, axe still in his hands, with a new indent on the beast's ankle.

After a moment, he tightened his grip on the melee once more. At least his attack took a small chunk out of the monster’s ankle, being enough to make the wooden behemoth stumble.

It growled and soon turned, trying to reverse its momentum and skid to a stop. It kicked up some dirt and nearly tripped over itself as it reoriented itself, stopping for a moment to stare down the mailman. Moments later, it rushed for him again, however this time, as the human readied himself to dodge out of the way, the timberwolf reared up onto its hind legs, swatting at the mailman with one of its powerful claws.

Courier Six had to step back a few times, but as he did, he instinctively swung his axe outwards. It clashed with the sharp stake-like nails of the ragged beast, and the metal of the axe’s blade won out, knocking several of the monster’s toes out of alignment.

The wooden beast howled as it came back down onto all fours, but by then it was met with the Courier’s axe being slammed into the right side of its partly damaged head. The human used the axe like a hook and steadied himself, trying to drag the unnatural beast’s head down further to the ground!

He was putting up a shocking display of strength against the timberwolf, as every time it tried jerking back, he tugged it down further. He even managed to take his right hand off of the axe’s handle, reaching into his duster and fishing out the .44 magnum. He unloaded all six shots into the unwieldy beast’s face.

One round slammed into its right eye, sending sap spewing out. The others bounced uselessly off the blood in the tug of war. A moment later though the monster finally tugged back with all its might, rearing up once more as it growled in pain, like so many other rabid dogs the Courier had heard. He wasn’t able to focus on that though, as the beast jerked him upwards!

Gravity took over, and he was sent flying, though thankfully, the axe remained in his hand. The .44 though was accidentally let loose, tumbling off to the side and impacting against the dirt with a dull, metallic thud.

Six really didn’t mourn its loss for the time, as he tumbled upwards. The timberwolf had basically flipped him over its back, sending the human spiraling several dozen feet into the air. He swung his axe and hand outwards in an attempt to grab or hook onto something, a roof, pole, statue, anything.

No dice.

He impacted hard against the ground, slamming roughly onto his stomach and actually bouncing upwards from the impact. He flew solid foot into the air before finally gravity forced him downwards and he impacted once more, right onto his ribs.

His durable torso had taken the brunt of the blow, near-unbreakable back and ribcage took the impact. Stomach though? That was shot. Nearly threw up in his mask as he forced himself back onto his knees. He even used the axe like a cane as he shakily got fully onto his feet.

The beast was already charging, not giving him a moment to rest. However, the Courier was readied by this point. As the monster barreled down at him, he gripped the axe tightly, holding on for dear life, he brought it back, and then swung it forwards with force that even the mighty Paul Bunyan would be proud of…

KA-RACK!

The Courier’s attack managed to heavily injure the beast. His axe blade sliced clean through the wooden menace’s already-battered lower left leg. He heard the bastard howl in utter pain as it stumbled forwards, walking on the stump where its paw used to be.

He wasn’t able to enjoy this minor victory though, as the beast used its forward momentum to try and barrel him over. Its back legs continued surging towards the human, trying to slam into him. He managed to weave, ducking between them, however the monster lowered its tail downward.

Normally a dog’s tail wouldn’t be an issue, however given the size of the creature, its tail was like that of a thick branch. It slammed right into the Courier’s face. A loud SNAP! rang out as three things happened: First, the creature’s tail broke fully in half on impact, secondly, the Courier tumbled back, slammed to the ground by the force of the blow, third, his precious fire axe flew off to the side, out of his grip and to God-knows-where.

He was moderately dazed, felt no different than the times he’d taken a baseball bat to the skull. He was just about to shake it off, but the wolf turned on a dime as he turned to roll to his feet. The human looked up and even he was shocked at the monster’s agility, as all he saw was its open maw barreling right at him…

CRUNCH!

“FUCK!”

He couldn’t help but shout in pain and annoyance at that. Its jaws clamped down over his body. He felt its wooden teeth dig into both his stomach and lower spine. The riot gear’s durable plating and alloys actually broke some of them off and bent a few out of place. However, the ones that made it through were enough. He felt several inch-long punji sticks basically jab themselves into his gut and back.

The world would’ve gone dark had it not been for his night vision kicking in, letting him see the inorganic interior of the monster’s maw. WInd was knocked out of his lungs. Felt like he was on the receiving end of a wooden bear trap. He kicked his legs as he felt himself lifted off of the ground.

Ah shit; he knew what was coming…

The gigantic timberwolf began to shake its head about. Like any other dog that had found a prey animal, it jerked the Courier left and right, digging its teeth deeper into his flesh and armor. Its head lurched this way and that, and in all of its thrashing, it accidentally slammed the Courier’s legs into one of the nearby house roofs.

Six grunted in pain as his right ankle slammed hard into a solid piece of wood. He didn’t know if he heard or felt a crack, but he couldn’t focus on that right now! The human pulled Blood Nap from his satchel and began slicing and dicing at everything he could! He jammed it into the upper roof of the wooden beast’s mouth, managing to dig the knife shockingly deep.

“These damned things can penetrate metal, fido!” growled the human, intent on inflicting as much damage to the monster as he could before the ride stopped.

His jabs were powerful, his muscles flexed. He didn’t stop, neither did the ride. The human dug his knife in particularly deep, and attempted to use it as a pick, digging out the softer vines and interior chunks of the wolf. Maybe he could dig his way to its brain!

Only when he reached his gloved hand up and pulled it back covered in sap did the monster finally let go, though, this was mid-shake, so as the Courier’s darkened world went back to normal, he could only see the spiraling image of a few houses looking back at him. He could only faintly hear the wooden fuck howling in pain as he tumbled through the air.

Good. Fuck ‘em.

He would’ve insulted the beast more, but sadly he finally landed…

CRASH!

Wood gave way beneath him; he landed shoulder first into what was likely a vendor’s food stand. The Courier grunted, taking a second to just lay there and breathe as the rest of the vendor collapsed down on top of him. He growled, his vision obscured by a crudely drawn carrot, which he soon shoved aside. It was replaced with the horrified visage of the owner of the stand. A familiar visage, sadly.

“Holy moly, it looks like you’ve ran into an eighteen-carrot run of bad luck!” the worried mare exclaimed.

The human stared blankly at the orange earth pony.

“Why couldn’t that fall have killed me…” the human growled tiredly, not only addressing Carrot Top, but instead the world itself.

“Oh goodness, oh goodness, oh goodness!” Roseluck panicked, sprinting about the town.

The last time she’d dealt with a monster attack, she was too distracted by a wedding to worry, however this time, all she had to focus on was a barn-sized wooden abomination ready to rip apart anypony in its path!

Currently she was trying to rush back to her shop. She was out for a last-minute stack of pancakes (don’t judge, Sugarcube Corner was this close to closing for the night!) when of course a gigantic beast ran through the streets. Now she was on her way back to her shop to lock up (and hide under her bed, eating her sweet treats in the hope it’d all go away by morning.)

As she turned a corner though, a purple hoof reached out and tugged the earth mare into a back alley. “EEEKKK-” she was silenced by the same hoof being shoved into her mouth.

“Shut it Roseluck, it’s just me!” came a familiar voice, with the hoof slowly being removed from the creamy flower pony’s muzzle.

“B-Berry Punch?” Roseluck asked, examining the alcohol-loving mare in question. “Why in the hay did you scare me like that!?!”

“Because if you run around shouting ‘Oh my goodness’ that’s just asking for a monster to chase you!” the fellow earth mare huffed back.

“...right,” Roseluck said sheepishly.

“Look, Rose, stick to the back alleys from now on, alright?” explained the more rugged mare. “Unless you wanna wind up dog-chow.”

“W-what is that thing even doing here?” Roseluck asked.

“Dunno… but I’m gonna try and stop it,” Berry Punch replied.

“You? How!?!” squeaked the red-headed mare.

“That thing’s made of wood, right? Alcohol is flammable, especially when applied to wood, you follow?” Berry asked, getting a slow, uncertain nod from the flower pony. “I figure a barrel of my own special stuff can scorch that big bastard.”

“You’re just gonna sacrifice your collection like that?” Roseluck questioned, her tone one of shock.

“Listen, that one uh… that human thing, the Courier or whatever. I saw him fighting it earlier. He needs some help, that thing can smoke him if he’s left all alone,” Berry Punch explained.

“B-But what about Starlight, or Rainbow Dash, or even D-Discord?” questioned Roseluck.

“We can’t expect those bozos to always help us! Besides, by the time they get here, Six or whatever could be toast!” replied Berry.

Roseluck nodded, not fully sure on what to say.

“Look, you go on home, alright?” Berry Punch said, peaking halfway out of the alley. “I can grab my stash real quick and get back here in just a few minutes-”

“W-wait,” Roseluck called softly.

Berry turned back to her, raising a brow.

“I…” the flower pony gulped, but soon steeled herself with a nod. “...I’ll help you.”

Berry Punch beamed at that, a proud smile crossing her muzzle.

The bitter drink didn’t un-break his ankle, but it definitely dulled the pain. No damned Stims on him. From now on he’d carry the fuckers. Got too cocky. Got too complacent to use them.

Carrot Top had helped him back to his feet, and remained at his side, with his hand resting on his back as he steadied himself.

“Did you see where my axe went?” the human questioned.

“I don’t think that’s the important thing right no-”

“Putting that thing down, is the important thing,” the human grunted, brushing her off.

He scanned around for the weapon in question. It had a bright red head, surely it’d be easy to spot!

He broke away from Carrot Top to look around more in depth. As he went to take a step though, he partly buckled over, before forcing himself back up straight. Right, broken ankle, almost forgot due to the dulling numbness he forced himself into, the rage and annoyance also clouded the sensations of pain as well. After a moment of truly steadying himself, the Courier fully straightened up, dusted himself off.

“Uh, Six? You alright,” a worried Carrot Top asked.

He just took a deep breath, inhaling in a long, drawn-out manner. Something deep inside him began to burst forth. Like he was drawing on powers that weren’t his own. Made him feel warm. Made him feel… strange?

It was probably just the bitter drink, in all honesty.

The Courier adjusted his jacket, back in the game properly. No folding this time.

“Yeah,” he replied, taking a few more steps forward. He walked with only a very faint limp this time, ignoring his broken bones, as something greater was at stake than his own body. “Never better.”

Behind him Carrot Top just cocked a brow, the orange mare giving him a funny look. Didn’t have time to dwell on it, as several screams of panic soon sounded out, turning the Courier towards it. Axe or no axe, it was time to rock n’ roll… Again!

The Courier soon walked over to Carrot Top’s demolished vendor stand and pulled a massive plank of wood from it. After swinging it around in his right hand and assuring its sturdiness, the human nodded to himself.

Moments later, he made his way to a cart filled with supplies nearby. Top herself watched as the human just tugged one of the wheels off it, and grabbed some rope out of the back of the wagon. He loosely fastened it to his wrist and then to the wheel itself. After assuring it was sturdy, he nodded to himself once again.

“I’d complain about vandalism, but I think we’ve got more important things to attend to?” Carrot Top asked.

“You know it,” he battered his two-by-four against the wooden shield and then made his way towards the chaos like a knight on a budget.

With his new weaponry in hand, he and Carrot Top joined the fray. About a block or so away, through the winding streets of the town, they found the timberwolf. It was currently jamming its paws through the bashed down front door of a house.

“Alright, take three, this time I’m putting this fucker down,” growled the Courier.

“Anything I can do to help?” Carrot Top asked.

“I’d say go get everypon- everyone out of the way,” the Courier replied.

She just rolled her eyes.

“I mean in the fight, Six,” she replied. “I’m more than just a carrot-based comedian, you know.”

“God I’ve gotta have brain damage by now,” the human growled, his Brain would’ve likely been offended if the situation wasn’t more dire. “Go for the back legs, keep yourself out of the way of the claws and teeth an-”

Immediately, the human heard a loud shout from down the street. “Hey you big meanie!” the voice sounded out. The Timberwolf turned-

SPLAT!

And was met with a double-decker cake splattering into its face, blinding the beast and making it howl in anger. Six looked around, spotting a certain earth pony baker who was stationed next to a literal cart filled to the brim with every concession one could imagine.

“Pinkie!?!” the human shouted. though the pink mare in question likely didn’t hear him, nor respond.

She was too busy flinging numerous pastries at the giant monster, splattering its wooden body with cupcakes, eclairs, and donuts, among others. She was like a damned machine gun, her forehooves being a blur as she would scoop up hooffuls of her “ammo” and throw them at the beast.

The Courier turned questioningly to Carrot Top, who shrugged.

“She’s an element bearer and all that cool stuff, they got into fights with giant evil monsters all the time,” she explained.

“Alright, well, still go for the hind legs, help her out, just stay out of the way, mostly,” the human quickly planned.

“Gee thanks,” the mare huffed. “What about you?”

“I’m going in, cakes can only distract that fucker for so long,” the Courier braced, before turning and charging in.

Pinkie continued pelting the monster, which was slowly getting used to the barrage of icing. She knew she should’ve packed extra! Even with her cart, she could only do so much. With her eyes focused on the crumb and icing covered mess that was the timberwolf, she didn’t get much time to examine her surroundings, especially in the darkness of the night. So, whenever a bipedal figure slammed into the extremely damaged left leg of the monster, even she was shocked.

Courier Six used the wagon wheel-turned shield as a battering ram, bashing it into the monster’s knee with enough force to hear several faint cracks ringing out. Didn’t really know if it was the shield or the timberwolf’s leg, but either way it was satisfying.

The monster howled, its other front leg buckling as it didn’t have a stump to help support itself anymore. As its front end fell to the ground, the Courier began to bash its head. It was therapeutic, given he himself had been knocked down by the beast’s branch-like tail earlier.

All those times he’d bashed the heads of Fiends and White Legs in paid off. Swung around the sturdy wooden plank as if it were a war club. He’d make the Dead Horses proud. Each powerful strike against the creature’s head made it keel over more and more, with the human not letting up.

It howled again, turning towards him, only to get its head knocked to the side, with a few wooden teeth flying out of its bashed in muzzle. It growled, launching out its right paw. It impacted into the human’s chest, kicking him away and raking its claws against his armor, sending out sparks as he was launched backwards.

He slammed onto the ground, however turned his momentum into a roll, allowing himself to tumble back a few feet further before he fully came to a stop on his knees. He quickly forced himself upwards to his feet as the ragged timberwolf did the same.

It lunged to quickly bite at him, using its immense size to strike, however, the Courier brought up the wagon wheel and the monster’s jaw locked around the circular object. Its remaining left eye widened as it found its maw stuck wide open, its remaining teeth firmly embedded into the wood.

From there the Courier bashed at its face, poking at its left eye in an attempt to fully blind the beast (assuming gouging them out did anything of course.) Either way, the human bashed at the beast several more times before it finally tugged away, taking chunks of the wagon wheel with it.

However, as it reared up, the human readied himself. He shifted his weight to his right and got into a warrior-like stance, causing a sharp pain in his ankle. He ignored this and then launched his shield forwards. The rope was still attached to his wrist; however, he’d used enough of it so that the wagon wheel could be launched outwards and yanked back to him if needed.

Like a cheap bolas, it wrapped itself around the giant monster’s neck. Six growled, dropping his plank to hold onto the rope with both hands. The beast tried jerking back, but in its weakened state, the Courier’s muscles won out, and he tugged its head downwards, knocking it off balance.

Carrot Top and Pinkie had been on the sidelines for this entire scuffle. While the party pony herself wanted to throw more cake, even she realized that the beast wasn’t exactly taking much damage from it. Still, she motioned for the carrot farmer to help her as she reached into her pastry wagon.

Top did so, rearing up and using her forehooves to help the pink mare lug out a gigantic quadruple decker cake one might find at a wedding. It required both earth ponies to use their enhanced strength to lift.

“Golly, how did you bake this so quick?” Carrot Top asked.

“I always keep extra cakes for emergencies!” Pinkie cheerfully replied. “Now help me load it into the party cannon, Sixy needs us!”

“R-Right!” nodded the orange mare.

A bit later, the two shoved the cake partly into the party cannon. Well, into wasn’t a good term. It was so large that the cannon itself’s muzzle was only about a third of the size of the cake’s round bottom, meaning the entire icing-covered monolith was sticking comically on the end of the cannon.

Regardless, Pinkie quickly grabbed at the firing mechanism with her forehoof and nodded to Carrot Top, who covered her ears. The party mare aimed right at the struggling timberwolf’s face and fired…

KA-POWIE!

The cake flew outwards, right at the giant beast like a bullet. Both it and the human were too distracted to see it coming, so this time when it impacted into the side of the wooden beast’s head, it actually managed to nearly knock the giant monster over. However, the giant cake, combined with the Courier fully managed to tug the monster off of its remaining feet, and it fell to the ground with a loud thud, thrashing its limbs this way and that.

It wasn’t over yet for the beast though, as while it was down, a familiar pony rushed out from an alleyway nearby. The human noticed her at the last second, as she ran from his left side and past him.

“Roseluck?” he managed.

The creamy earth mare in question didn’t pay him attention, as she reached into a small saddlebag she’d brought. She pulled out a hoofful of seeds, and then reached back, grabbing a packet of what looked like dirt.

She ripped the pack open with her teeth and then shoved the seeds inside, before hucking it right at the downed timberwolf. Just as the monster was managing to get to its remaining three feet, the seeds and fertilizer landed right in front of it.

The human watched as from the packet gigantic, vine-like tendrils soon grew out. Given that vines instinctively attach themselves to trees to grow higher and get more sun, these were no different, and the leafy tentacles grabbed at the struggling wolf.

The growing roots were easily an inch-thick, possibly more than that, thus they managed to restrain the beast’s forelimbs, growing up and wrapping around its face and neck as well. The beast went to howl, but its jaw was clamped shut by the vines.

Six briefly looked to Roseluck, who only noticed his gaze after a few seconds.

“Oh uh, it’s Buku Fertilizer; you delivered it to me on your mailrun,” she explained. “Mixed from the finest Saddle Arabian dirt, ash from the Dragonlands, and plenty of magically enhanced minerals and nutrients-”

“Alright enough botanical lessons,” the mailman cut her off. “We need to kill that thing now, this fight’s gone on long enough!”

“Well, Berry Punch should be coming in soon,” Roseluck replied.

“Berry Punch?” the human quickly wracked his brain, seeing if he recalled the name. “Wait was she the drunk-”

Immediately on a rooftop nearby, just behind the struggling timberwolf, he could see a mulberry mare stand onto her hind legs. She raised a large, wooden barrel over her head. The human could see it had the XXX symbol.

Ah, moonshine.

Like a giant gorilla, she tossed the barrel downwards, and it flew right at the timberwolf. The barrel impacted against its back, making the monster roar in anger more than pain. However, the barrel itself exploded in a shower of alcohol, fully coating the wolf and the roots covering it.

“Now, Strawberry!” shouted Berry Punch, motioning her forehooves.

A pegasus mare with a poofy, deep red mane and tail that heavily resembled Carrot Top’s flew downwards, a black, thundering stormcloud in her grip. She hovered a few feet above the struggling timberwolf, who managed to rip through one of the vines by this point.

With a grunt of effort, Strawberry Sunrise bucked the cloud, causing a blast of lightning to rain down onto the wooden wolf. Immediately, the monster roared in pain as the flammable liquids coating its body became an inferno, burning the beast. Given the monster wasn’t made of flesh or blood, it lit up like any other tree would, howling as it did.

While its body burned, so did the vines holding it, and it used every ounce of strength to struggle as it tried to loose itself from its foliage-based prison. The Courier noticed this, and reached out his hand, gently pushing Roseluck out of the way.

“Hey- what gives?” she huffed. “That thing’s going to be dead soon anyway-”

Snap!

A large vine snapped apart as the beast reared back, tugging its neck this way and that.

SNAP!

Another did the same, with the one around its burning muzzle giving way.

SNAP! SNAP! SNAP!

Like a bunch of metal wires holding up a suspension bridge, each and every root gave way as the monster fully freed itself. Immediately the beast lunged towards the two closest targets, namely, Roseluck and the Courier.

The gardener’s eyes widened, as all of this happened in an instant. However, the Courier himself was able to grab the mare by the scruff of her neck and tossed her aside like she was a misbehaving kitten.

He himself wasn’t able to move much, broken ankle and all, so he was scooped right back up into the charging monster’s jaw. The timberwolf snarled and growled as it managed to force the human’s entire body into its mouth, seemingly in an attempt to swallow him. Its jaws slammed shut like the top board of a grand piano, fully engulfing the mailman.

There was a thick, tense silence from there, as the monster remained in place, its head held high, its jaws clamped shut…

Everypony present watched on with horror.

Pinkie dropped several cakes from her grasp, with them splattering uselessly to the ground. Berry Punch’s face took one of a stern hatred for the beast. Carrot Top pouted.

Everything remained silent for a bit longer, the crackling of the burning, struggling beast being the only sounds present…

And then, there was a grunt…

The giant wolf took a few steps back, as its mouth was slowly, but surely forced open, by merely a few inches at first. It growled, putting more effort into shutting its jaws, however, every inch it gained, its mouth opened two inches wider.

The horror of the ponies turned to shock, as they realized what was happening.

Another loud grunt of effort rang out, and the Courier was visible once more! He’d planted both feet on the monster’s bottom jaw, and was using his powerful, metallic spine and upper body to lift the creature’s top one off of himself.

Like some type of pulp hero, he shoved the monster’s jaw wider and wider, giving strained growls of effort each time. There were several loud pops and snaps as the monster’s jaw began to weaken, small woodchips snapping off as its mouth was bent open unnaturally.

As the human was slowly forcing the beast’s jaws wide open, the ponies were snapping back into action.

“W-we gotta help him!” shouted Carrot Top, before immediately rushing in.

She slammed her hind legs into the monster’s own rear left foreleg. Bucking as hard as she could, she actually stumbled the beast, with the fire-licked wood giving way far easier than the monster’s normal, healthier self.

The creature howled, with the force of said howl causing the Courier’s duster to billow forwards, however he just kept forcing the jaws further and further apart, giving a few strained breaths as he put all of his effort into his strong back muscles.

From there, the others dog- or rather, ponypiled the timberwolf. They kicked at its legs and even its stomach where possible.

“Bad Mr. Giant Evil Timberwolf!” Pinkie shouted, reaching back her forehoove and basically punching the beast in its stomach.

Berry Punch used a bottle like a makeshift melee weapon, slamming it into the creature’s upper right chest until the bottle broke. She ignored the flames licking the beast’s wooden body and began stabbing at the creature’s weaker points with the now-sharpened weapon.

Roseluck gave a few unsure kicks at the beast, being careful not to get singed by the flames. Carrot Top grabbed the wooden stick the Courier had dropped earlier and got to pummeling the beast’s hind legs.

Even Strawberry Sunrise flew up to the ever-widening muzzle of the beast.

“Hi, uh… whatever you are! Do you need help?” she offered the Courier, his red eye lenses staring at her from behind the beast’s wooden teeth.

It almost looked like they were prison bars on a makeshift cage. The human just responded by really putting his back into it and shoving upwards!

CRUNCH!

Broken ankle be damned, the human fully snapped off the monster’s lower jaw, his legs and body fully straightening out. The useless wood clattered to the ground with several small thuds, joined shortly by the Courier, who tumbled down a few feet and landed on his hands and knees.

Strawberry and Pinkie rushed over to his aid first, dragging him out of harm's reach as the heavily injured timberwolf stumbled around.

“Sixy, you alright?” Pinkie Pie squeaked squeaked.

“Yeah, that was a rough fall,” added Strawberry Sunrise.

“I’ll be alright when that thing’s dead,” growled the human, forcing himself up.

“Well… I might have something to help with that,” Pinkie pondered, before reaching into her mane.

The Courier watched as the pink party pony pulled out an honest-to-God chainsaw…

It was yellow, well maintained, and definitely ready to rip and tear. Strawberry actually backed away a few steps on the weapon’s reveal.

“Where did you get this?” asked the human, casually grabbing the zombie-busting weapon from her forehooves. No reason to question it anymore.

“The hardware store, silly,” she giggled.

The human examined it for a few seconds. Wasn’t exactly like how the nuclear battery-powered ones back in the Mojave, but it would suffice. Grabbed the starter chord of the weapon and tugged it. Once, twice, third times the charm, with the magically powered motor humming to life!

Vrrrrmbrmbrmbrmmmmm!

…

“Groovy.”

With the party really started, the human rushed forwards. He didn’t feel the pain in his ankle anymore, for he had the natural bane against all wooden beings everywhere.

The ponies surrounding the beast cleared the way, obviously not wanting to be anywhere near the spinning death machine.

The timberwolf himself was in bad shape, only able to swipe uselessly at the air and stumble about now. The Courier went ahead, ready to put the dog down. He quickly slammed his chainsaw into the upper right leg of the beast, fully hacking it off within just a few seconds of sawing, the weakened, scorched wood giving away. It fell down onto its side with a loud growl, trying to claw at the human with the stump that was its left paw.

The Courier stomped downwards, holding its left leg in place with his broken ankle. Even with the painful jostling, the human held steady, raising the saw above the monster’s large, wooden head...

And then he brought it down!

Vrrrrmmm-KA-CRUNCH!

Woodchips and sap and twigs flew out, with the monster’s skull being shredded apart by the saw. It was split fully down the middle by the Courier’s powerful swing. What the axe had started, the chainsaw finished…

The Courier stood there, inhaling and exhaling deeply, his breathing was ragged, and his chest heaved. He could feel the bruises on the underside of his armor, and he could feel his right ankle beginning to swell now.

It seemed that the second the battle was over, all that adrenaline had switched off, and there he stood, finally having to lean down. The chainsaw stopped revving, and he used it as a makeshift crutch to support himself.

The others though? They seemed to be in higher spirits.

“YEAH! Take THAT you overgrown bundle of sticks!” Berry Punch shouted, hoofpumping the air. “We earth ponies started this town, and we can damn sure defend it!”

“Didn’t the Courier technically kill that thing?” Roseluck pondered.

“And I helped you light it on fire,” Strawberry Sunrise pointed out, crossing her forehooves as she remained hovering in the air.

“Don’t ruin the moment,” said Berry, her tone a lot less pumped now.

“Well, I gave him the chainsaw,” Pinkie chuckled, trotting by the duo and up to the human, who was balancing on said chainsaw, as if it were a cane. “Come on Sixy, I’ll help you get to a nice sturdy seat.”

He just nodded, using the chainsaw-cane with his left hand while placing his right one on Pinkie’s back, using her as a secondary aid as he made his way over to a small bench nearby. As this happened, Berry Punch still seemed hyped to the verge of shouting in glee.

“Gah, I’m still not over how awesome that was! Especially with those vines! Rose… I could kiss you right now!” the mulberry mare snickered.

The cream-colored earth mare in question just blushed, taking a step back.

“L-let’s keep this professional!” she stammered.

“Group hug!” Carrot Top shocked both mares by popping up between them and enveloping the two fellow earth ponies into a hug, Berry on her left, and Rose on her right. As the trio embraced, (with Roseluck blushing all the while) Stawberry Sunrise hovered above them, rolling her eyes.

Meanwhile, the Courier just sat on his bench nearby, looking around and examining the area in which the battle had taken place. The burning remains of the timberwolf helped brighten up the night, though he himself didn’t need it. In the air he saw a familiar pegasus flying in for a landing.

“Alright, now what in the hay is going on here?” she growled, winded likely from both her stunt-practicing session and the trip to Ponyville. “I was in the middle of practice, and I suddenly get word about a giant timberwolf attacking Ponyville!”

“Oh it’s alright Dashie, we got that covered!” Pinkie said with a smile, pointing towards the smoldering corpse of the beast.

Rainbow Dash frowned.

“Is everypony alright?” she questioned. “Tank, Scoot-”

“Tank is back at the sanctuary and Scootaloo… she’s probably alright,” the Courier said, checking his Pip-Boy with a deep, ragged breath.

Before Dash could respond, a burst of magic interrupted her, and she, Six, and Pinkie looked over to see Starlight, who had just teleported onto the scene. Her horn was alight with magic, and her face was battle-hardened, clearly ready to fight whatever beast that had laid siege to Ponyville this week.

“Alright everypony get indoors, I will handle the…”

She trailed off, looking around to see the burning corpse of the timberwolf, the injured chainsaw-wielding human, and Pinkie Pie waving at her.

“...Monster,” she concluded, her horn’s light dying off.

The Courier just groaned in annoyance.

“Alright, does anyone else wanna show u-”

Instantly, another teleportation blast interrupted him, and he turned, seeing a gleeful Fluttershy, and a not-so-pleased Discord standing a few feet away, with the draconequus crossing his mismatched arms. Angel Bunny and the hawk from earlier hovered between the two.

After a moment, Discord snapped his fingers, and the wreckage caused by the timberwolf was poofed out of existence, along with the beast’s smoldering corpse. All the broken windows, the partly destroyed homes, and the smashed-up carts were fixed and cleaned up in one big go.

“Oh this is all so wonderful!” Fluttershy beamed at her coltfriend, looking around at the newly cleaned scene.

“Easy for you to say,” Discord huffed, crossing his arms “Fixing things isn’t exactly chaotic, you know!”

“Ah shut it you old prick,” the Courier casually replied, not truly meaning his insult. He reached down, rubbing at his boot. Through all of this, his ankle was still broken.

“Bah, you just lost bone-fixing magic privileges!” the draconequus shot back.

“Never wanted it,” the human growled, handing off his chainsaw back to Pinkie Pie. “You guys seem way too dependent on magic anyways.”

He and the others watched as Pinkie shoved the powerful weapon right back into her mane, with it vanishing in the mare’s forest of hair. Even Discord cocked an eyebrow. The Courier strangely was the only one who didn’t question it.

“Pinkie… why was there a chainsaw in your mane?” Starlight asked.

“I need something for self-defense… other than cake I mean!” squeaked the mare, waving a forehoof, as if the explanation was obvious.

The magical prodigy just stood there in silent shock; her eye twitched a little bit. A very annoyed Rainbow Dash at her side. Suddenly, from around a corner, came a familiar farm mare.

Applejack was without her hat for the moment, her ponytail billowing about as she rushed over.

“I’m here everpon-”

“You’re late, these bozos already killed it,” Dash rolled her eyes.

“Dagnabbit, Bloom woke me up an’ everything!” growled the farmpony.

“I can fly you back home I guess,” the blue pegasus said with a huff. “Once my wings stop cramping that is.”

Back on the bench, Pinkie Pie was pressing her forehoof gently against the human’s swelling ankle. It was quite large now, even bulging out the human’s boots and pants a bit. Didn’t have a stim at the moment, kept forgetting the damn things.

“Sixy are you alright? Do you need anything?” Pinkie offered the injured human, her tone one of obvious concern.

“Eh… pint of fudge ice cream, maybe?” the human snarked.

“Oohh, I love fudge too!” Pinkie offered, immediately pulling out an entire tub of (somehow) chilled ice cream. The exact flavor the snarky mailman had said.

By this point he didn’t question it, just grabbed it out of her forehooves.

“Got any clean spoons?”

“You know it!”

And thus, they ate...