Red lenses peered down the locker-lined halls and a large, clothed beast advanced ahead at a slow and unwavering pace. The smaller of those around the hulking bipedal being split and parted like the Red Sea. Given they were all students, basically everycreature present was smaller than the bulky human. While the vast majority were ponies, several hippogriffs and changelings, even a few dragons were in the school’s halls.

All had been recently accepted into the School of Friendship, after the resounding success of what the school had dubbed the “Student Six.” None were acquainted with Ponyville or Equestria proper, (Hell, this was their first semester) so it was quite a sight when they saw what seemed to be a bulky, raggedy-clothed ape approaching. The younger (and thus, punier) students in the hall were especially frightened by him.

While word had spread of the mythical mail delivering figure, given your average youth wasn’t really interested in reading newspapers or keeping up with the now, those who did assure others of his existence were typically brushed off or ignored. Even though he’d been in the town for well over a month now, this was the first sighting of him anywhere near the School of Friendship.

For the majority of the youths, he was a bizarre sight. Something to be feared, though the occasional child might look at him and think “woah” or even “cool.” Though they were the minority; to most of them, he was a strange sight. Well, stranger than dragons, and ponies, and hippogriffs… and yaks… and changelings… and griffons living together.

For the Courier, this was just another delivery.

As the students either split or turned tail to walk away from the approaching creature, Gallus himself seemed to be the only one who was too lost in thought to run. He’d recalled Smolder confiding in him about her meeting with the hooman thing. She’d been uh— totally not getting a dress from Rarity when he and Dinky had made themselves known.

And now, when he’d finished his mental recap, he’d realized everycreature was gone. Right. Great.

Yes indeed, the halls were basically barren from the numerous students having rushed to class or the bathrooms or somewhere that wasn’t in front of the red-eyed monster thing… or they had gone to lunch. Either way, Gallus was basically alone, a few stragglers still trotting at a decent pace down the corridor; no running in the halls, after all.

The red lenses were focused on the blue bird and within a moment, the Courier approached Gallus. For his credit, the birdbrain stood his ground. His beak partly scrunched at the corners, his eagle-like foreclaws making a tap, tap, tapping sound. While he wasn’t exactly scared per se, griffons didn’t exactly have the best relationships with bipedal creatures… well, they didn’t have the best relationship with any creature, but that's besides the point.

He almost looked as if he was bracing himself to get smacked or something. However, it’d be kind of hard to do, as the two-legged being was carrying a small box in his hands.

Six stared down at him, and once he realized the blue bird-like creature wasn’t gonna speak, he did so himself.

“Hey featherface, you don’t happen to know where I can find… Phyllis?” the human asked, having to scan his memory banks for a second to remember such a dull name, especially in a land of ‘Sunshine Lollipops’ and ‘Rainbow Dashes,’ among others.

Gallus cocked his eyebrow in response, his tone uncertain as he spoke, “Why are you asking me?”

“...You’re a student, aren’t you?” the human asked back, his tone deadpanned.

Gallus stood for a second, his beak partly opening to speak, but he stopped himself. To be fair to the mailman, he was a student.

“I’ve been wandering this place for a good few minutes and to be honest it’s… almost more confusing than the last time I was in a school… less of me being shot at though,” he casually said, thumping his fingers on the small cardboard box in his palms. “Anyways, shit’s like a maze; you cool with helping a bit?”

Gallus snickered at the swear word. While it wasn’t uncommon for griffons (and dragons, as he’d learned) to belt them out, hearing other creatures casually swear was quite amusing, at least according to his juvenile sense of humor.

“Ah uh… you know what, sure,” he nodded, having snapped himself from his chuckling. “I’ve got nothing better to do anyways.”

“Thanks kid,” the older of the two said.

“Hey, no ‘kid’ stuff! I’m not that young!” spat the griffon, rolling his eyes. “Anyways you said you needed to deliver the package to… Phyllis?”

“Yeah, what about it?” the human questioned.

“For Boreas’ sake,” the griffon huffed, facepalming.

Six looked over at him, “What?”

“Nothing—just… follow me,” he huffed with exasperation, before spreading his wings and taking to the air, flying several feet above the human.

“Lead the way… kid,” the older, gruff creature replied with a playful bite in his voice.

Gallus rolled his eyes as he flew a few paces ahead, leading Six towards the main office. All the while the human’s eye lenses were shining bright, illuminated especially by the sunlight pouring in from the windows. Though as the two continued down the mostly emptied hallways, Gallus couldn’t help but feel the human’s eyes examining him.

“Okay dude, you looking me over is starting to feel a little weird,” the lion-eagle hybrid said, remaining in the air as he turned, staring right back down at the mailman whilst hovering in place.

“Ah sorry kid,” Six said, still examining Gallus, eyeing up his tail and claws. Not the first mix-matched creature he’d encountered, even while not counting Equestria… A lot fluffier though. “You’re just… kinda familiar in a weird way.”

“So you’re gonna drill a hole into the back of my head by looking at me?” huffed the teenager.

“Could be worse,” the human replied. “I could literally be drilling a hole in your head.”

The griffon gave an unsure look, his tone somewhat snarky as he replied, “I don’t know whether to laugh or be horrified by the thought.”

“It’s whatever you make of it, kid,” the Courier offered, giving a faint shrug of his shoulders.

It wasn’t exactly an eventful journey; those who would’ve ran away already had. The rest of the trip to Starlight’s office was merely the Courier occasionally examining the scenery, looking out windows and examining the view of Ponyville and Twilight—er, Starlight’s incredibly large crystal castle.

Gallus thought he was sort of a tool in a way, but didn’t say it.

Finally, they reached the office, with the large wooden door being knocked on by Gallus. There was no immediate reply, so the griffon turned to the human, “Give it a sec—”

Six grabbed it and jerked it open, entering into the book-laiden room. Inside, Starlight sat behind her desk, in the middle of watering a decently-sized potted plant.

“—Or just do that,” Gallus said, tailing in behind the mailman.

“Special delivery for… Phyllis?” the human questioned, looking over the box again. “And uh… beakboy back there helped me find my way here so give him a sucker or don’t ground him or whatever you guys do.”

“Beakboy?”

Starlight herself was temporarily overloaded by the humans' words, but quickly shook it off, going back into headmare-mode.

“Thank you for helping him find his way, Gallus,” she said, quickly jotting down a small permission slip which she handed off to the griffon.

He gave her a nod and a faint smile, before quickly leaving, however he stopped halfway out the door to look back at Six, “Uh… see you I guess… whatever you are.”

“Take care, kid,” Six replied, waving him off. Seconds later, the door shut, and the two were alone. He handed off the package to Starlight, “So… you’re going by Phyllis now?”

“What?” she squealed, before realization crossed her face, making her give a faint snort. “Oh my Celestia…”

She then pointed a forehoof at a small potted plant sitting on the corner of her desk. The unicorn was too busy holding it in to explain…

Six looked at it for a moment, and then back to Starlight, and then back to the plant. He reached out a gloved hand, pointing at the plant, “She’s Phyllis, huh?”

“Yes,” she said, fully stifling her laugh. “Sorry I… didn’t expect when I ordered the plant fertilizer, they would actually address it to, or rather, for Phyllis.”

“Right… So, she’s not a magical talking plant then?” the human questioned.

“N-no?...” was the uncertain response.

“I figured I’d check. There’s still a shitton of stuff here that’s utterly new to me—”

“Mister uh… Six, can you please not swear? I know we’re in the privacy of my office but there are children here,” Starlight replied.

“Alright, I get it… go ahead and sign this and we’ll be alright,” Six said, offering her a clipboard.

As Starlight brought out a quill and ink, The Courier seemed suddenly focused on something. After a few moments, he reached out his hand in a sudden, jerky fashion. The mailman clamped his fingers shut around something Starlight couldn’t see, however the swiftness of the action made her pause, looking up from the clipboard and slinking back as the human brought his hand towards his face and unfurled his fist.

It revealed a dead, splattered fly.

A rather plump one.

“You guys have an insect problem; this is like the fifth one I killed on the way over here,” he said simply.

“Yes well,” Starlight paused to clear her throat, “I will tell the exterminator an- WHAT IN CELESTIA’S SAKE ARE YOU DOING!”

She interrupted herself with a shocked shout as she watched the human pull up his mask and lick the invertebrate’s messy guts off the palm of his hand. He adjusted his helmet as he finally replied to her banshee-like howl, “Free snack.”

Her eye just twitched a bit at his actions, her face plastered with a look of abject shock, her mouth partly open as if she was going to speak, however nothing came.

At least he left shortly afterwards…

The Courier marked off a name on his clipboard as he trekked through the empty halls of the school. After a moment, he turned the corner. Immediately he pulled down the paper and looked straight ahead. The smaller creature staring up at him was fluffy, with wings.

She looked like a pegasus and griffon combined. Six limbs, beak and such. Had a pair of saddlebags on too, like a backpack. First time he’d gotten to examine one of them without it bolting. They were called… hippogriffs. That was probably righ— oh she’s talking.

“—and I saw you and I thought ‘hey, you’re the weird two-legged mail-delivering thing Smolder told me about’ and since Gallus said you were here, I thought I could give you my letter and then—”

“Woah, slow your roll kid,” the human said, reaching out a hand and softly clamping her beak shut mid-sentence. Suddenly though he reached back. Placing your hands on a student in a school was… probably not a good idea. “Sorry kid, just… keep it simple, you know?”

The hippogriff gave a minor blush, reaching up a foreclaw to scratch the back of her head in embarrassment as her large, expressive eyes seemed to focus on anything but the Courier himself, “Heh… sorry.”

“Nah it’s alright,” the human said, flipping over the rest of his notes. “Go ahead and start at the beginning, but try and keep it brief, work and all.”

“Oohh oh oh right, uh well I know you’re the uhm… hughman? Did I say it right?” the teenage hybrid squeaked. “I mean, I’m not trying to offend you or anything. After meeting all these new creatures the last thing I wanna do is make you feel unhap—”

“Yeah kid, it takes a lot to make me feel unhappy,” he said, holding out a gloved hand. “But to answer, I’m a human; that’s how it’s pronounced—“

“Woah! HuuuuUUUUuuumaaaaan. Rolls off the beak nicely!” the creature said.

“Yeah, and I’m Courier Six,” the ‘HuuuuUUUUuuumaaaaan’ replied, “and given the name I’ve gotta get some mail delivered, so—”

“Uhm sorry about interrupting you… again, but I’m Silverstream!” she introduced excitedly, giving a great, wide smile.

Beaks weren’t the most common thing in the Mojave, minus the odd bird, though Silverstream’s face was far more expressive… same as most other creatures were. She was tapping her foreclaws on the floor for a moment.

“Alright, good to meet you… You need anything, Sliverstream?” the human asked. His tone was gruff, rushing in a way. “Like I said, busy day today.”

“Jeez, sorry for being a bit nervous, I think it’s the eyes, they make you look… unfriendly,” she said, her tone excited, cheery, as always, though quite honest. “Oh, is that rude, again I’m sor—”

The human fiddled with his Pip-Boy for a moment, tapping and wiping some accumulated grime off the stream, “It’s fine.”

“Right. Anyways, uh, sir. I really would like you to deliver this letter for me!” Silverstream said, reaching into her bags. She quickly pulled out a small envelope, offering it to the human.

“You asking me to do this because your typical mail-deliverer got sick?” the human asked, perking up. He’d remembered the info-dump from the boss yesterday. ‘Outgoing mail to Seaquestria is currently suspended due to the current sickness of—’ ah… what was the name? Something about splashing. Didn’t matter.

“Yes sir,” the student replied. “I haven’t heard from my parents, my brother, my aunt, my cousin, General Seaspray—”

The human cut her off, holding out an open palm, “Alright, tell you what, kid, you tell me who exactly you want it delivered to, and I’ll get it there by… another three or four days, tops; sound good?”

“Sounds perfect!” she smiled, giving the human the envelope. He quickly stashed it into his coat as she looked back down the hallway. “Alright, deliver this letter to Sky Beak or Ocean Flow; they’re my parents! If you can’t find them, General Seaspray will be fine too.”

“Alright, got it,” the human replied, taking a quick series of notes in his Pip-Boy.

She continued looking down the halls as he did, seeming a bit nervous now as she spoke “I’d love to sit here and ask more about you Mr. Six, but—well, classes.”

“Yeah uh you do that… stay in school, whatever,” he offered.

Well, schools which weren’t filled with killer robots, at least.

He quickly turned, rushing the opposite direction of Silverstream. Couldn't give a wave, had to do his job.

“Take care Mr Six!” she called, turning away herself.

“Yep!” was the simple reply.

Fuck, gotta pick up the pace now... Come on, damn it! Worry about the beak-horse’s problems later. Got other mail to deliver. After bailing out through the front doors of the school, the day blurred into a flurry of ‘Yes sir,’ ‘Sign here ma’am,’ ‘Thank you for you,’ and ‘no, that’s not—what? No, wrong spo—please listen—okay now you’re pissing me off…’ and so on.

The evening began when the Courier headed out of Ponyville, into his little section of the Everfree. Before much time had passed, he was frying a small plate’s worth of potatoes, checking the bat guano as he did. Just needed some sulfur, get a few good wood fires burning, and so on, so forth. A lit cigarette hung from his mouth the whole time, billowing smoke all the while.

As the sliced potatoes sizzled in oil, the human checked inside of his shitshack, opening the barley-qualifiable door as he stared into it. Eyed over the tools, Knock-Knock, the All-American, everything else.

Camp wasn’t exactly the most inconspicuous, even out in the woods. Few bastards would come out here looking for him. Could stumble on it…

“Ah damn it!” he growled, turning back to flip his charred potatoes, quickly finding a deep black burn spot on them. He flicked the cancer stick with one hand as he further poked at the burned potatoes. “Goddamn it…”

After a deep sigh, he pulled out a fork, rolling his eyes beneath the mask. No ketchup left, gotta buy more. Guess extra salt would work too... Gah, shit.

Whatever.

Cherry Berry leaned back into her soft, fluffy couch. The mare sighed at being pleasantly embraced after a day of work. It had been a nice shift for her; lots of rides, nice chunk of change, weekend was coming up. Overall it was a sweet time, and it was going to be made even sweeter with her eleventh reading of “A Brief History of Aerodynamics in Equestria: Volume 2!”

However, the second the mare opened the front page, and began reciting to herself, “The laws of aviation should be theoretically imposs—”

A knock knock knock came, echoing around the house and drilling right into her ears, which twitched at the sound.

Her face of happiness dropped into a frown, the words shriveling into dust on her tongue. Mouth felt dry now; great! With a deep groan of annoyance, she hopped up, almost considering dragging her hooves before more—

Knock knock knock’s rang out, and the same ear twitch occurred.

With a roll of her eyes and a flick of her tail, she hopped up and quickly strutted over to the door.

“Alright this better be…” the sentence died in her throat.

Courier Six stood before her, utterly packed with bags and knives and axes and more of those gun things he loved. Ah right, this bastard.

“Cherry…” he stopped himself, as if he wasn’t quite sure on what to say. I mean, trusting several pounds of firearms with a cute little pony would never end with anything bad, right?... Least he left the bigger stuff back home. Enough dilly-dallying, he spat it out. “You mind watching my stuff for a bit?”

Of all the mares, in all of Ponyville, it had to be her.

She let out a deep, annoyed sigh, “...Come on in, Six.”

“Hope you cooked something better than burnt potatoes,” the human replied with a grin as he hobbled past her.

She let loose a snort that was also a laugh, though quickly she tried hiding it as one of annoyance, “In your dreams.”

“Trust me, you don’t wanna be anywhere near those.”

Author's Note

We're back!... Relatively speaking.