The Siege of Canterlot

by Asylum

Rating: teen
Tags: Warcraft, Comedy, Profanity, Random, Violence, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Death, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character
Length: 1345

The Siege of Canterlot. Three expansions later.

The final battle of the siege is upon us. Will the good guys win? Will sick loot be had? Find out now!

A short crackfic written in a couple of hours.

Who needs proofreading amiright?

Published 2024-05-10 10:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-05-10 10:10:01 UTC

Siege of Canterlot

*CRASH*

The doors to the throne room shattered inward with the dramatic thunder of ancient wood splintering, a cloud of dust and smoke wafting in through the once regal entry. The sound of battle wafted in like a bad omen.

“Now that we have reached the throne room, all that stands before us are the elements! Then we can finally confront Celestia!” Queen Chrysalis waved her holed hooves around in motion with her speech, signaling a sense of finality. “Champions! Speak with me when you are ready!”

At that she finally faced her gallant warband fighting for freedom for all!

A large green biped with glazed over eyes hovered over her with an avidity belying familiarity. It was covered in thick chainmail armor, extraneous spikes sticking out from every possible surface. Upon its shoulders were great hunks of burning metal, nearly the size of a full grown mare, they glowed with the shadowed fire of Tartarus. Within its iron grip a glowed a sophisticated tube covered in other smaller tubes smelling of sulfur. Its presence spoke only of death and despair, an amalgamation of suffering.

Beside the lumbering form stood a rather taciturn pink flamingo. It didn’t seem to want to be there judging by its weary eyes.

The figure motioned to the still changeling.

“Prepare yourselves!” Chrysalis continued unperturbed, as she valiantly rushed forward into the looming throne room. Light pore in through the various stained glass windows, painting her chitin in a kaleidoscope of colors. She hastily sprinted up the plush carpet stopping mere feet from a familiar group of mares.

None other than vaunted Elements of Harmony stood before them. Their visages grim with determination. Stood upon her throne behind them, the unyielding presence of Celestia loomed.

“Chrysalis! You would dare to side with these outsiders!” Celestia’s voice boomed.

“Equestria will finally be free of your tyranny Celestia!” Queen Chrysalis’s voice seemed rather lacking in comparison.

“Boldly said, but your resolve is weak!” With a burst of light, a beam of pure plasma sent Chrysalis backwards. Sliding to a halt at the feet of the massive ironclad figure. It was waving goodbye to the fading form of the flamingo, relief evident in its slouching form.

“Twilight! The time to defend Equestria from the invaders has come. Do what must be done for the good of ponies everywhere!” Celestia commanded.

“Right away Princess Celestia!” The mulberry alicorn turned to regard the approaching hunk of metal.

“I know we were once allies, but you outsiders have only brought war and conflict to Equestria. It pains me to do this after all we have been through, but I told you that our loyalty always remained with Celestia.” Her grimace belied her conflict as she turned to her friends and nodded. “Let’s do this girls!”

As one the Elements of Harmony snapped into action! Rainbow and orange blurs rushed forward to assail the immovable tower of metal. A series of diamonds lashed out as sharp projectiles. A shower of confetti roared out of a cannon drenching the battlefield in deadly paper. An angry mob of critters led by a snow white bunny began rampaging. A purple glow surrounded the mulberry alicorn as she began channeling a powerful spell.

Covered in confetti and ignoring the ineffectual attack, the mountain of steel raised its outstretched palm towards the demure form of quivering yellow pegasus. A heart appeared over its head as another appeared over hers. Awkward moments passed as the two gazed into each other’s souls. About ten seconds later Fluttershy shrunk down to the size of a normal pony and sprinted over to join at the country of mineral’s side. The irate woodland critters vanished instantly. The next moment hot lead spew forth as a torrent.

The effects were immediate as each of the remaining elements collapsed dramatically, their death quips overlapping in a cacophony of cliche.

Staring down at the defeated forms of her most trusted ponies (very much ignoring the sheepish expression of the yellow pegasus), Celestia reared back on her back hooves and leaped down from her throne with a crash of fire.

“I will not let their sacrifices be in vain! I will rid Equestria of your filth even if I have to scour everything to ash!” Celestia began channeling pure plasma through her horn towards the continent of hard shiny stuff.

Fluttershy charged forward at her new master's unspoken command, and lashed out with her front hooves.

“Feel th-” “Burn in-” “Not ye-” Celestia shouted out simultaneously as she fell to her knees.

“Not yet! As long as the sun burns in the sky Equestria shall not fall!” With an explosion of fire she got to hooves again. The roof above melted inwards as molten stone fell as rain. The sun burned in the sky, an angry red eye glaring down. Celestia’s mane ignited as she transformed into her final form.

Another kick, Celestia collapsed, defeated.

“My fire burns out…” She gasped as she slumped, her mane sputtered out.

“Champions! You have done it! Equestria is finally free!” Chrysalis cheered as she proudly stood over the fallen monarch of the sun.

The planet of spikes stroad forward and immediately leaned over Celestia’s body reaching for something upon her. A moment later the universe of pain stood upright, held its hand above its head and flew off on his new Celestia mount.

All was still in the battle torn throne room, besides the whooping and hollering changeling queen celebrating. For some reason.

A moment passed.

“C-can I come out now?” A nervous voice squeaked out. Fluttershy stepped out from the pillar she was hiding behind. Everypony else groaned as they got to their hooves shaking off the lingering sense of pain.

“I still can’t believe that those ruffians at Blizzard had the nerve to classify us as beasts!” Rarity huffed out as she fixed her ruffled mane.

“Look, can we just skip this spiel every time a hunter shows up! You’re just mad because they never pick you.” Rainbow Dash’s shit eating grin widened as Twilight pulled out a white board and added another tally to Fluttershy’s impressive count. Each of the elements having a fair spread of tallies, sans the prissy white unicorn.

“T-that is besides the point!” Rarity sputtered in protest, face reddening. “It’s not about those boorish player’s preferences, it's about the implication! We aren't lesser just because we’re not alicorns!”

“I actually find it flattering…” Fluttershy muttered to herself.

“We’ve been ovah this Rarity. It is wha it is’. Stahp making a mountain outta molehill.” Applejack drawled as she shook dust off her trusty Stetson.

“Besides, would you really want to have a mount of you?” Twilight chimed in as she packed up the cardboard cutout of Queen Chrysalis.

“W-well that’s…”

“Besides…” Twilight continued ignoring whatever weak excuse Rarity was going to reply with. “The better question is how much longer do we have to keep doing this…” She turned a pointed glare towards her former mentor. Celestia at least had the decency to look ashamed at the statement.

“Twilight, you and I both know that contract is ironclad. I know I probably should have done more due diligence before agreeing to the crossover, but you know…”

“You sold us off for cake.” Twilight deadpanned.

“It was a really good cake! Besides, how was I supposed to know that it would last indefinitely?! Our expansion ended five years ago! Why would anyone even do old content?!?”

Celestia withered under Twilight’s stare.

“Fine! I’ll call Mr. Kotick and see if I can renegotiate our contract. Surely he’ll be reasonable about it…”

“Hey! Have you guys seen the news? They are going to release Mists of Equestria Classic next year!” Pinkie helpfully chirped up from where she had been quietly scrolling on her phone. She held it up for all to see the premium edition with two weeks early access and an all new Rarity mount and Spike pet, only $149.99!

“Oh…”

Author's Note

I'm having fun, and no one can stop me!

*Cackles Dramatically*