The Twilight Prince: Omakes

by nukestar

Rating: mature
Tags: Original Character, Fluttershy, Adventure, Violence, Sex, Anthology, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance
Length: 6792

A compilation of omakes for my fic 'The Twilight Prince'. Warning: Spoilers

A compilation of the Omakes I have written in the comment section of The Twilight Prince, transcribed for ease of reading.

Warning: major spoilers for the plot of The Twilight Prince and its eventual sequels.

Omakes are considered canon unless said otherwise, although that is subject to change.

Published 2024-05-11 11:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-05-11 11:40:00 UTC

The Heat Sedition

Lady Twilight Aura stared grimly down from the balcony of the Castle of Friendship.

They were under siege. Under siege by their own treasonous townsponies.

The mare examined the angry mob surrounding the castle's bubble shield, they were armed with oversized novelty dildos and signs bearing abominations against the Equish language. 'Me need sum buc' was an unfortunately common phrase.

"Can I?" Asked Flare, who was even more agitated than her elder sister.

Aura sighed, "No, Flare, you can't murder the townsfolk. No matter how treasonous."

"Hmph."

Aura glanced over at the newly mated Lepidoptera.

The changeling was rapidly whipping herself into a jealous Rage, magenta fire constantly flashing around her body as she was unable to keep a constant form in her agitation.

Aura sighed, "Wasting power isn't going to help Dora."

The changeling stopped transforming and went still, staring with hatred at the mob.

Suddenly there was a roar of an engine.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS: THOT PATROL, YAY!!!!"

"GET THE BUCK AWAY FROM MY BIG BROTHER YOU BUCKING HARLOTS!"

And then the screaming started.

Monster Attack, part 1

"G-get behind me, girls," Applejack spoke, putting on a brave face for the four terrified fillies.

The three terrified fillies and the one unreasonably calm filly. Twilight's little sister had ceased her infernal howling and was now sitting quietly like there wasn't a dozen bloodthirsty monsters out to kill them.

CIV stared into Applejack's eyes, "He is coming." she spoke with an almost religious certainty.

Applejack shuddered slightly, there was something wrong with that filly.

She turned her eyes to the monsters; hideous, ugly chimeric beasts standing tall on two feet, each one with the head of a different beast or race. The biggest one - a bull headed monstrosity that pony might call a 'minotaur' only if she had never actually seen an actual minotaur - was laughing and speaking its foul black speech as it hefted a monstrous axe.

Another, this with the head of a rat, licked its lips as it stared at Sweetie Belle with beady hateful eyes.

The bull monster shouted out a command and it's fellows and they began to approach ...

Suddenly, there was a loud crash as a purple blur hit the ground hard enough to create a small crater.

'You're late." CIV stated, pouting

Prince Twilight Sparkle straightened up, before chuffing in amusement "I am so relieved all of you are okay." He stated, ruffling his sister's mane with a wing.

"Twi, what are you doing here, this ain't no place for a stallion. Yah could get hurt."

"Oh that's adorable, you think they're actually a threat." Twilight gave a dark laugh before turning to the monsters, "It was foolish for you to show your hideous misshapen faces after so long, but thank you, my very blood sings at me to destroy you, I am going to enjoy this."

Yak Gunboat Diplomacy (non-canon)

"Yak go to train, return with more yaks! We declare war!"

"AhahahahAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA, It's so cute that you think I'm going to let you do that. No, here's what's going to happen. You're going to be taken to the Friendship Dungeons, where we'll see just how imperfect we can make your stay. And then we'll negotiate some major concessions from your belligerent shithole of a nation in return for your release.

"This is outrage. Yak get angry. Yak smash."

"Of course there is always the alternative ..." Suddenly a shadow covered the yaks, "I would look up if I were you."

Prince Rutherford looked up to see a strange angular skyship occluding the sun.

"That is the Liminal Needle, the greatest warship ever built by pony hooves, and right now it is aiming it's entire ventral broadside right at your ugly little mug. Twenty four heavy cannons. One command from me and ... well ... there isn't anything left of you to send back to Yakyakistan.

The yak gulped.

"Of course, it would never come to that. If push comes to shove, I'll kill you myself. It would be cathartic after the devastation that you have visited upon my town." The alicorn smiled showing his very sharp teeth, "So what will it be, the easy way, or the fun way. It's up to you.

Yak 'Diplomacy', part 1

"Rarity, I'm sorry to say this. But I'm cancelling your exhibition."

'What, but I have prepared for this for weeks. I even have this wonderful fabric imported from the Crystal Empire that I know the yaks will love."

"I know Rarity. And I know you're the Element of Generosity. But I do not believe in rewarding bad behavior with gifts."

"Then what will I do with the fabric?"

"Rarity, you're a seamstress, do what you normally do with fabric." Twilight grimaced, "Also, I'm going to need you to stay away from the yaks."

"What? Why? Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you, but I don't trust them. I refuse to bury one of my first friends because a barbarian brute gets angry that the sky isn't 'genuine Yakyakistan sky' or some nonsense like that."

Rarity's eyes widened, "You don't think they'd do something like that do you?"

"Honestly, I don't know what they'd do. It's possible this is all an act to extract concessions from Equestria. But ..." Twilight grimaced, "... we Twilights are ponies born for violence, we know just how easy it is to go from breaking something to breaking somepony. Especially when a yak is so much bigger and stronger than a mortal pony. The guards assigned to the yak delegation have already been preauthorized for lethal force if they feel that it's necessary to protect one of my subject's lives, but I am not willing to put any of my friends in harm's way."

Defective Fire Alicorn, part 1

Opaline laughed maniacally as she held up a scroll, she had finally managed to recreate the mythical Starswirl the Bearded spell. She didn't need to capture the one living dragon if she went and grabbed one from the past. It was the perfect plan.

Opaline was dimly aware of the flight of her quarry as she stared up in terror at the alicorn that should not be, "W-w-who are you?"

"My name is Fluttershy," replied the yellow mare before twisting her neck in a way that lest loose several loud cracks, "I wrestle bears."

The following 15 minutes were an exercise in humiliation for Opaline as this 'Fluttershy' alicorn outright marehandled her out of the castle and onto the lawn where a very large number of ponies were waiting for her.

Fluttershy had opted to pull back and stalk around Opaline, giving the purple alicorn a chance to survey her surroundings.

The two feuding alicorns were surrounded by a rough circle of ponies, approximately twenty metres in diameter. All three mortal tribes were roughly equally represented, but so were some stranger things, like the odd bat winged ponies and the weird bug-pony things. And then there were entirely too many alicorns, none of which she recognized; there was one stallion - an alicorn stallion - that bore a striking resemblance to Queen Twilight - perhaps a brother, Queen Twilight had been incredibly cagy about her family - and a mare that might be mistaken for Luna if you squinted - and was drunk - but the rest were completely unfamiliar. Equestria was supposed to have only had five alicorns at this point in time, one of which a foal.

And then there was the subset of rough looking unicorns who were staring with eyes slightly too piercing while smiling and laughing with teeth entirely too sharp. Opaline shuddered.

Oh and the ponies were smiling, laughing and chatting. As if they were at a festival and not in the presence of their rightful Queen.

Some hideous chimeric serpent creature was snaking its way around the ponies accepting bets on the outcome of the fight.

Gallingly, none of the bets were on who would win. Instead they were on how long it would take this Fluttershy to beat her. Opaline was offended, she could beat this upstart in a fair fight easily. She'd just gotten lucky so far.

"Come on Shy, kick her flank." Shouted the alicorn eyesore, and the fight was back on.

Book 3 Snippet 2 (MAJOR SPOILERS)

Queen Lepidoptera buzzed her wings in agitation as she listened to the purple alicorn's incredibly long lecture. Once more Dora felt immense gratitude that she had somehow been lucky enough to be hatched seemingly in the only timeline with a Sane Sparkle. Made even better by the fact that he was also a beautiful, kind, libidinous and virile stallion.

"... and so, I believe that if you were to recreate the steps that led to King Thorax's metamorphosis, you and the rest of kind could become of the changedlings as well."

"Why?"

The foreign Sparkle was taken aback, "So you can eat pony food and stop stealing ponies' love to survive. So you can stop being parasites.

Dora snarled and stalked towards the alicorn, "We are not parasites, we are symbiotes, we take what is freely given and extract nutrition and power from it that would otherwise be wasted. And why do you think we would ever want do rely on pony food? When much of Equestria's ponies were starving, my hive. my children, were experiencing a time of plenty unheard of in changeling history. Every time my stallion takes me to bed, I am drowned in enough love to sustain me for hundreds of years, until it becomes more than even I can absorb and honey starts spraying out of my every orifice. Hay, even a single one of my sister-wives provides more than enough affection and familial love to sustain my entire hive."

The imposter Sparkle stepped back, blushing at the lewd implications.

"And you would have me throw that all away? To what?" Dora glanced at the image of the hideous orange and green abomination that this mare had said had once been a changeling. "To follow in the hoofsteps of a horribly mutated and deeply confused infiltrator who fancies herself a changeling """king"""? Whatever that's supposed to mean."

A Twilight's Enthusiastic Walk, part 1 (no spoilers)

Author's Note

Huh, I've apparently done over 6700 words of these things, lol.

A Twilight's Enthusiastic Walk, part 1 (no spoilers)

Twilight Starshine idly wandered the streets of Manehattan. The city, it turned out, had been far less interesting than promised and the mare was regretting choosing it as her leave destination. The Museum of Equine History had been amusing for several hours, looking at the expert forgeries of dangerous magical artifacts that were safely stored in Twilight Manor, but, in the end, even that had grown boring.

And then there was the food, overpriced, under portioned, vegetarian slop, with an unfortunate amount of grass and flowers in their recipe. No she didn't want a quinoa and marigold soup or a kale and daffodil sandwich or a deep fried hayburger, especially not for upwards of a bit and a half.

Starshine had almost been bored enough to resort to rat-hunting, as foalish as that is. And she had smelled a lot of rats, which was strange. She recalled that rats carried a wide range of diseases that could be transmitted to the common pony; what possible reason could the locals have for maintaining such high populations of the rodents? It's not like Equestrian foals hunted them.

So, naturally, Starshine had opted to take a stroll through the streets. Heading directly into the portion of the city that the tourist guides had dubbed a 'no go zone'.

The streets were strange, the asphalt streets were broken and rough - as if they hadn't been maintained in a long time - and the buildings surrounding were even worse. The horrible grey concrete buildings were broken only by cracks and dents from which rust stains spilled, as if the very walls were bleeding.

The only splashes of colour in the streets were the strange abstract murals containing a strange mutated version of common Equish. Starshine had stopped on several occasions to decipher such finds, but they all contained such inscriptions as 'Buolder Smassh iz da bestest' and 'Brass Pear rulez dis hood', claims that she found herself doubting. Truly, the Equestrian education system has failed her pupils.

Even stranger, neither the streets nor the building were even that old, a series of divinations had revealed their age to vary between 60 and 80 years old. Not nearly old enough to be in this condition by Starshine's reckoning. House Twilight built their architecture to last hundreds if not thousands of years, yet this place was falling apart in less than a century. Clearly the Equestrian archetect lacked foresight.

The streets were strangely unpopulated for such a major metropolis, Starshine had only passed a couple hundred ponies, most of them mares: a mix of rough bandit types, the fearful destitute, the deathly ill and addicts to drugged up to care. But there were also a number of stallions dressed up in tight red clothing for whatever reason.

But worst of all was the smell, this part of the city stank, even more than the rest of it did. The air was a nasty cocktail of stale urine and faeces, of despair and disease, of filth and body odour, of death and rot, It was unpleasant, but it took more than unpleasantness to drive a bored Twilight away.

Starshine became aware of a group of mares following her - seven of those bandits, poorly attempting to be stealthy - and idly slipped into a narrow alley while using most of her strength to charge her tension latches.

"Hello, ladies," Starshine smirked as she turned around to face her pursuers, "can I help you?"

"Why, yes." the apparent leader said, "You on the turf of the Alley Hounds, an' ya haven't paid the toll."

Starshine tilted her head slightly, suppressing her excitement, "And this 'toll' is?"

The unicorn gazed greedily at Starshine's saddlebags and levitated a knife next to her, "How about everything yer carrying, and we'll let you live."

Five of the bandits - burly earth mares - stalked menacingly towards the Twilight.

Starshine gave a slight smile, "I'm sorry, but I have to decline your most generous offer."

"Um, boss, something's not right, this mare's not scared at all." Spoke the final bandit, a pegasus.

"I'm not asking." Snarled the unicorn as she moved the knife to be within striking distance of Starshine's chest.

Starshine stared at the knife slightly baffled, it was rule number one of telekinetic combat that you keep your weapons as close as possible to your body - preferably within your domain - and only send them out briefly to strike ones opponents. Yet, here this mare was levitating her knife within Starshine's expanded domain, seemingly without noticing. "I have a counteroffer ..." the Twilight lit her horn and violently crushed the unicorn's telekinetic aura with a combination of her own aura and domain.

The unicorn screamed, dropping to the ground and writhing in pain as her horn sparked erratically.

Amateur, Starshine scoffed before turning to the other mares, "... I keep my things and you, dear bandits, ..." she bared her lupine teeth in a manic smile, "... die."

Fluttershy's First Meeting

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

CIV's First Day of School

"Okay everypony, we have a new student here with us today," Cheerilee spoke to the foals, "Why don't you introduce yourself, dear."

A small unicorn filly trotted in front of the class and pounced onto Cheerilee's desk, "Hello, everypony, I am Lady Twilight Twinkle, the hundred and fourth of that name and second in line of House Twilight and ..." The filly started laughing maniacally as her horn lit, "... Ahahahahaha ..." her entire body started glowing hooves started lifting off the ground, "... AHAHAHAHAHA ..." bolts of power flew off the filly as her horn took on an overchanneled triple corona "... AHAHAHAHAHAHA. FEAR ME, FOR I AM YOUR DOOM!"

The filly's display cut out as she fell to the ground, "But my friends call me CIV."

"Uhhh, okay, that was something ..." Cheerilee said hesitantly, "... everypony stomp your hooves for young Twilight here."

"My name is Twinkle, not Twilight." the filly complained, but nopony heard her over the stomping.

After class, CIV was approached by two earth fillies, "Hello, Lady Twilight Twinkle, it's so nice to meet you," said the pink filly.

"Yes, Lady Twilight, so nice to meet you" echoed the grey filly.

"And you are?"

"Oh, apologies, for I am Diamond Tiara and this is my friend Silver Spoon."

"Uhuh ..." CIV said hesitantly.

"I can tell already that we're going to be best of friends. Although, I do have to warn you, not all the ponies here are worth your time. Some of them are common ruffians."

"And you aren't? Common that is?"

"Of course not."

"Then who are you? I don't recognize you, Ponyville shouldn't have any native nobility aside the Elements of Harmony."

The filly puffed her chest up, "I am Diamond Tiara, firstborn daughter of Spoiled Rich and Filthy Rich.

CIV tilted her head, "Huh, didn't know that was legal."

"Didn't know what is legal?"

"Marrying your own twin."

Diamond Tiara took a look of confusion as she tried to work out what CIV had just implied.

"Tell me, Miss Diamond Tiara, what even is your Talent? Because it's clearly not 'being a princess' given ..." CIV gestured with a hoof at the filly's forehead, "... and ..." she gestured the filly's shoulder. "I mean, your friend's Talent is easy to figure out, 'born with a Silver Spoon in her mouth' as it is. Although 'having a rich family' is a pretty underwhelming Talent if you ask me. Does she loose her mark if her family goes bankrupt?"

"MY PARENTS ARE NOT TWINS!"

"Sorry, normal siblings then."

"MY PARENTS ARE NOT SIBLINGS!"

"Twilight, mocking other fillies parents isn't very nice." Cheerilee interrupted the confrontation.

At that the other foals started giggling and gossiping while looking at Diamond Tiara; the lack of denial by their teacher proving the claim true in the minds of the foals.

Diamond looked around in horror before galloping off in shame.

"Wow, that was awesome. You put Diamond Tiara in her place." Said a small orange filly as her wings buzzed behind her.

"Oh, yer a blankflank too, just like us." stated a yellow earth filly with her face uncomfortably close to CIV's flank.

"Um, girls, maybe we should give her space." spoke a white unicorn filly

It was at this moment that every single adult within 100 kilometres of Ponyville felt an inexplicable feeling of horrific anticipation, as if something terrible had just been put into motion.

Monster Attack, part 2

Twilight howled.

The monster roared.

Both charged.

The monster swung its horrible axe in a vertical slice, directly at the alicorn.

Applejack was certain that her long time friend turned stallion would meet his gory end, yet the mare could not look away.

Yet, the last possible moment Twilight sprung out of the way as the axe sunk into the ground with a terrible smash.

As soon as the alicorn had his hooves on the ground he launched himself at the monster's neck, latching onto it with his terribly sharp teeth, swinging his entire body around to leverage his entire mass against the monster's throat.

Twilight dropped to the ground a couple paces from the monster, having torn its leathery throat clear free of its neck.

The monster let go of its axe, bringing its hands up to its neck in an instinctual yet futile attempt to stem the bleeding, it gurgled in terror as it fell to its knees.

Twilight snapped a hind hoof up in a kick that shattered the monster's bovine skull like an overripe watermelon, splattering blood and brain matter all over the stallion. He spit out the wad of bloody flesh before turning his gaze to the remaining monsters, "Well, what are you waiting for? Entertain me."

"Rip and Tear, big brother," shouted the disturbed filly, "Rip and Tear until it is done."

What followed was the most terrible thing Applejack had ever had the misfortune to bear witness to, as the stallion ripped into the monsters with inequine ferocity, leaving every single one a dead, gory mess.

Cadence Snippets

"Wouldn't you prefer if you each had your own stallion?" Cadence asked the collected mares, "Where you don't have to share him with ..." Cadence gave a meaningful glance at the bug.

"No." all of them replied unanimously, without any delay.

Cadence froze, that wasn't the answer she was expected.

"Excuse me ladies," Twilight said before trotted over to the green and brown painted alicorn pretending to be a bush, "Cadence, we need to talk."

There was a squawk followed by an artificially low voice, "What, no Cadence here, just us bushes."

Twilight sighed and facehoofed, "Cadence, I know that's you; you've been stalking us for weeks, interfering in our dates. Shining has sent several letters; he's worried about you. I'm worried about you. My mares are rapidly loosing patience with your meddling, and - quite frankly - so am I. Please just stop trying to 'fix' my lovelife and return to Shining; your 'help' is neither beneficial nor desired."

Celestia's Uncomfortable Meeting, part 1

Princess Celestia was sitting in her sitting room, reading through a recent bill.

There was the sound of wing beats followed by heavy hoofsteps from the room's balcony.

Princess Celestia glanced and saw a familiar shade of purple, "Ah, Prince Twilight, what can I do for you today?"

Princess Celestia froze and slowly turned back to the younger alicorn, "Twilight," Celestia spoke slowly, "is that a deer?!

Yes, it was, in fact, a deer, "Twilight, why do you have that thing? That's disgusting!"

Twilight dropped the bloody carcass on the carpeted floor, and, while staring directly into Celestia's eyes, bent down to the deer's haunch and took a big bite.

Celestia stared in horror for a second before speaking, "Twilight, what are you doing?! Stop, Twilight, STOP." Celestia lit her horn to telekinetically take the corpse from the stallion.

Twilight shattered Celestia's telekinesis with a contemptuous mana spike, swallowed his mouthful of flesh and barred his very sharp and very bloody teeth at the mare with a low growl.

"Twilight?!" Was all Celestia could say as she stared in horror.

Twilight bent down again and took another bite, still staring at Celestia.

The following hour was genuinely one of the most discomforting experiences in Celestia's long life as she impotently watched her former student efficiently consume the flesh, organs and marrow from his fellow ungulate, all while never breaking eye contact with her.

Then, without elaboration, Twilight left, leaving a pile of bloody offal and shattered bones on the elder alicorn's thoroughly ruined carpet.

Celestia's Uncomfortable Meeting, part 2

"Oh, hello there, Celestia. I haven't seen you since we had lunch in your sitting room"

Celestia looked at Twilight in confusion, "What are you talking about, Twilight?"

"Oh, just last week, you do remember that, don't you?"

Celestia's eyes widened, "Twilight, you killed a deer."

"I did."

"And you ate it."

"And it was delicious." Twilight started to stalk in a circle around the sun princess, his expression decidedly predatory.

"Please, Twilight, you're sick, you need help." While Celestia had beaten the instinctive fear of the predator that plagued most ponies, seeing young Twilight acting so contrary to how he was supposed to act deeply unsettled the princess.

"NO!"

Celestia was knocked back by the force of Twilight's voice.

"I'm not sick, I don't need your 'help'. You did more than enough damage to me during my time with you. For the first time in a long time I'm finally Free." The stallion continued to circle the princess, barring his sharp teeth.

"What are you talking about, Twilight? Please stop this."

"Do you know what the term 'obligate omnivore' means, princess?"

"Of course." Celestia answered, slightly confused at the non-sequitur.

"It means that an animal has to eat meat or she'll starve."

"I fail to see how this is relevant."

"OF COURSE YOU DON'T! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING DO YOU?"

Celestia took a step back, not sure how to respond.

"I am that obligate omnivore, Celestia. Always have been, always will be. I was a scared, hungry little filly hunting your pretty little animals so I wouldn't die. But did you even try to understand? NO, little Twilight was just a little psychopath, suffering from 'Anti-Social Personality Disorder', hurting animals for fun, a problem that had to be fixed.

"Ponies don't eat meat Twilight."

"Most ponies don't. Some do. I do."

"No, you're lying, you stopped your 'hunting'."

"I did ..." Twilight lit his horn, and with a blinding flash, Celestia was buried in hundreds of small flat cans.

"What is this?" Celestia asked.

"Meat." Twilight answered, levitating one of the cans in front of Celestia's muzzle and opened it.

Celestia's muzzle crinkled in disgust at the hideous smell.

"Do you like that, Celestia? Because this is what I've had to survive on for the better part of the last two decades. All because you taught me to hate myself."

"Twilight, what happened to you? To make you like this."

"You're not listening, Celestia. Nothing 'happened' to me. I was born this way, as was my mother, and her mother and her father and his mother, all the way back over fifteen hundred years, to a couple generations after my ancestors escaped the Razing of Everfree."

"Twilight, nopony survived the Razing of Everfree."

"That's what they told you, and you never had the curiosity to ask the ponies whose ancestors were actually present for the Fall of Equestria, just the cowards who fled the Nightmare's forces to places unknown in the preceding months. Instead, you turned a blind eye as your foreign Equestrian 'nobility' visited their deprivations upon the native populations of the Ponylands."

"What? Twilight, I do not understand."

"No, you do not." the stallion turned tail and stalked away, "And, Celestia, the name is Sparkle."

Yak Diplomacy, part 2

When Celestia trotted into Twilight's throneroom, he felt the tension in the bodies of all the mares piled upon him. The solar princess was far from the most popular mare amongst his wives. Nonetheless, he did the best to exude an air of calm control. "Celestia."

"Twilight."

"What can I do for you?"

"I received a letter from the king of Yakyakistan." Celestia frowned, "Do you want to guess what it says?"

"Is the king apologizing for his violent, spoiled brat of a son?"

"What? No, of course not."

"Then, I've got nothing. What about you, ladies?"

The surrounding mares all shook their heads.

Celestia scowled, "He's appalled at how you treated his son."

Twilight chuffed in amusement, "Ironic, because I'm appalled at how Prince Rutherford treated my ponies."

"Twilight, I trusted you to show the Yakyakistani delegation a good time."

"And I trusted Rutherford to not be a violent, entitled psychopath. I guess we're all disappointed sometimes."

Celestia looked away from the royal ponypile. "What happened to you? I raised you to be better than this, part of being a prince is exercising patience with difficult individuals. Why did you stoop to their level?"

"Um, princess," spoke Fluttershy, "being a better pony does not mean letting a bully stomp all over you. Sometimes it means that you have to stand up and say 'no', especially when the bully is hurting other ponies."

Twilight nuzzled the yellow mare, he was so proud of her.

"All you had to do was ... accept ... the yak's ... eccentricities ... for a couple days and everypony would go home happy."

"If that's what you wanted, then you were welcome to host the savages at your own castle. And no, 'everypony' wouldn't 'go home happy', I would have gone home unhappy, and so would all my subjects whose property was destroyed by the tantrums of a bunch of oversized foals."

"Diplomacy is a process of compromise, Twilight."

"Do you even know what that word means? Compromise is a process of give and take, it's not give and give and give and give and maybe the other party will give something back if they feel like it. No wonder Prince Rutherford is such an entitled monster, you made him that way." Twilight paused, his eyes widening in horrific realization, "By the stars, this is your modus operandi for all your efforts in diplomacy, isn't it? No wonder Equestria has no real allies, no wonder all our trade deals are so massively skewed in the other party's favour, no wonder so many nations are so secure in their unprovoked aggression towards us, no wonder we're the laughing stock of the world. The world has grown fat and entitled on the backs of the common pony, and they constantly nip at our hooves in hopes of getting just a little bit more."

Celestia's expression became dark, "Twilight, Yakyakistan declared war on us."

At that, Twilight broke out into a deep laugh.

"Twilight, this is no laughing matter. You started a war."

"I don't think that I'm the one responsible for that."

"Well, you are."

Twilight glared at Celestia, "Okay." he looked around at the mares surrounding him, "Up and at em, ladies, lets get suited up. We're going on vacation."

The ponypile disassembled itself in and orderly fashion, soon every one of it's former constituents was standing.

"Oh, oh, oh, can I mare a cannon?" Proto-Queen Lepidoptera buzzed her wings as she trotted in place.

Twilight leaned down to nuzzle the excitable changeling, pushing a thread of his affection and love into her. "Of course you can mare a cannon, Dora."

"Twilight, what are you doing?"

"Well, if I'm the one responsible for starting a war, the least I can do is end it. So get out of our way, Celestia, we're leveling a castle."

Sombra's Bad Month

"Discord, we need to talk." Spoke a very disgruntled Prince Twilight Sparkle.

Discord gave a mock bow, "Of course my Prince, but may I enquire as to what?"

"This," He said as he levitated a soggy umbrum mare whimpering like a bitch in heat.

Which, judging by the oppressive scent that followed the mare, was unreasonably apt simile. Discord had to wonder what the smell must be like to ponies, who had a much better sense of smell than his esteemed self. "Fascinating," the draconequus muttered.

"Discord, from what we've been able to tell, she's been like this for three months. The longest recorded period of oestrus is 13 days, pony minds aren't meant to endure such a thing for so long."

"Then you better get on fixing that."

"That's what we've been trying to do. But none of our spells help, it's like this heat was baked into her very corporeality."

"I wasn't meaning to use magic." the draconequus waggled his eyebrows.

Defective Fire Alicorn, alternate version (non-canon)

Opaline was getting increasingly frustrated, this unicorn wasn't staying still; she was dancing around, narrowly dodging the alicorn's blasts while laughing and mocking Opaline.

"ENOUGH." Opaline shouted sending a powerful blast of her fire at the unicorn.

This time she didn't dodge, instead the mare planted her hooves, opened her muzzle and ...

... swallowed the blast of flame.

Opaline gaped, shocked at what had just happened, and didn't even react as the unicorn approached.

The infuriating unicorn put a hoof on the back of Opaline's head and slammed their muzzles together in a domineering kiss.

The alicorn's mind crashed, she couldn't comprehend the series of events that had led to this point.

Several moments later the unicorn broke her kiss, "Hmm, barely adequate." she said dismissively.

Opaline felt a feeling of outrage as was left short of breath and weak of knees. Not because the kiss had been particularly good, but because it had stolen her fire.

No, that wasn't a euphemism, this infuriating mare has somehow sucked Opaline's limited reservoir of flames dry by kissing her.

"RAAAGHHH!" Screamed the alicorn as she charged the mare.

"Ole" taunted the mare as she dodged the angry alicorn.

Opaline smashed into the wall, hard.

Twilight Velvet's Last Stand, part 1 (MAJOR SPOILERS)

Twilight Sparkle panted as he hid behind the boulder as the enemy bombarded it with storm cannons. He looked down to his flank, to the ugly black splotch where his Mark should be; never had he felt so powerless, severed from his Mantle, without his Magic.

"COME OUT AND MEET YOUR DEATH, PONIES!"

He looked to the mare besides him, "I don't know what to do." he said in despair.

High Lady Twilight Velvet the Mad, Duchess of Twilight smiled grimly, "I do."

"What?" Sparkle looked at his mother, the mare he hated more than any other, confused at her uncharacteristic lucidity.

"I'll hold them off while you escape."

"But mother you're not ..."

"I'm not powerful enough, aye, but there are ways of solving that problem ... for a time."

"Mother, those cripple ponies."

"Only if done in half-measures." The mare gave a crooked smile.

"Mother ..." Sparkle replied in shock.

"The thing about being mortal is that death comes for us all. Some sooner than others."

Sparkle's eyes widened, "You're di ..."

"Have you ever seen the inside of a cancer hospice, my son? I have ... once, I refuse to ever go back, to rot like that."

"I ..."

"The thing about wrestling with your own mortality is that you suddenly have so many regrets. I'm sorry, my son, I was not a good pony, I was a worse duchess and an even worse mother.

"Mother, you don't have to do this."

"No, I do." Velvet said, lighting her horn, "Now GO, your wives need you, Equestria needs you, House Twilight needs you."

Sparkle felt his mother cast a spell to channel the infinite power of the Thaumic Plane, and saw her ley lines begin to glow - through skin and fur - as her horn begin to burn. The mare before him was already dead, sustained but by Power and Will.

Velvet stepped out from behind the rock, "GO!"

Prince Twilight Sparkle went.

Book 3 Snippet 1, part 1 (MAJOR SPOILERS)

Special Agent Starlight 'Stormlight' Glimmer suddenly appeared in the very familiar halls of the Castle of Friendship. She looked over to her partner and froze.

Special Agent Twilight 'Countess' Sparkle had her face scrunched in extreme concentration and her horn lit.

"Countess?" Stormlight asked in confusion.

"Wards." the alicorn scowled.

"In the Castle of Friendship?"

"Yes, in the bucking Castle of Friendship." Countess snarled. "This is supposed to be an open castle, where anycreature is welcome."

Suddenly Stormlight realized that the familiar castle lacked the typical welcoming atmosphere that she had come to expect. In fact she felt decidedly unwelcome, like the castle had deemed her an invader. The unicorn shivered, this castle wasn't supposed to be like this. "Wait, shouldn't they recognize you?"

"They recognized me and then deemed me an imposter. What kind of paranoid lunatic designed these wards? It's not like it's even possible to falsify a Mantle, and you can't mantle an already occupied Mantle. But no, that's not good enough. They're like thirty layers deep and have contingencies against extraplanar, extradimensional and extratemporal invaders as well as things that literally defy description."

"Shouldn't our Chameleon Circuits handle that?"

"You would think, and they handle most of it, but the wards contain an extremely non-standard criteria that I've never seen before. Even worse, now that the wards have triggered they are searching constantly for us, I'm barely managing to keep us hidden as it is. And it's getting harder. What kind of idiotic, mad timeline did you bring us to Stormlight?"

Stormlight took out her chronometer and stared, "Looks like it's a standard-adjacent timeline that underwent an Omega Class Temporal Divergence about a year ago, local time."

"Joy, I hate Shatterpoints. Which way to the anomaly?"

"Uh, this way." Stormlight stated leading her partner down the unnervingly hostile halls.

Several minutes later the two mares entered a large room filled with rows of tables. On each table lied several black bodybags.

"I don't like this." Stormlight stated trotting over to one of the bags and opening it, "It's a Starlight." she grimaced and brought the chronometer to the corpse, "And definitely not local."

"So is this one." Countess stated, "Do you think all of these ..."

"I really hope not."

"What, don't want to find hundreds of dead yous?"

"I'm far more concerned what the death of so many copies of a pony as narratively significant as a Starlight would mean for this timeline."

They checked several more bags, finding the mangled corpse of a extratemporal Starlight in each one.

"We should just go," Stormlight stated, "I think it's clear what happened here, this timeline is as good as dead."

Countess nodded and scowled, it was never a good day when you lost a timeline, "I agree, let's go."

"I don't think so, Neither of you are going anywhere." Spoke a mare who trotted into view.

Both agents froze, "Time to go." They spoke in concert and felt their Timejumpers spinning up.

"Yeah, none of that, Dora, now."

Suddenly Countess's horn was covered in a glob of magenta resin, breaking her spell.

Both Timejumpers aborted as the wards slammed down upon the them like the wrath of a war god.

The last thing Stormlight saw before the angry castle rendered her unconscious was the scowl of an unreformed changeling queen.

Book 3 Snippet 1, part 2 (MAJOR SPOILERS)

Starlight 'Stormlight' Glimmer woke up bound. A quick glance at the magenta substance holding her revealed it to be - despite the colour - completely standard changeling resin. A quick channeling of magic proved her horn to be bound with a nullifier ring, an alicorn tier nullifier ring as far as she could tell. What could have possibly compelled the locals to make such a thing?

Stormlight's training kicked in, "Time to go." She spoke certainly, but her Timejumper didn't even attempt to start. Her eyes widened in panic.

"Ah, 'time to go', it's the activation phrase for those teleportation devices of yours, correct?" Spoke a powerful masculine voice, full of distain. "Cute. You'll be glad to know that those devices are safe and sound very far from here, R&D had never seen something like them before."

"How?" locals shouldn't even be able to notice any of their equipment.

"You think that this is our first time dealing with antimemetics? Hah."

The mare turned her head to the voice and found herself looking up at an alicorn stallion of a familiar purple colour. She examined the Dusk Shine. This was not the twinkish and somewhat dopey Prince of Friendship that she was familiar with. This was Dusk Shine the Ascendant God of Magic, whose very presence exuded a power that was outright oppressive. Wow, he's actually kind of hot.

Even more concerningly, the stallion had seen fit to drape himself in a small harem of mares, like some kind of barbarian conqueror. Stormlight recognized Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy instantly, although both of them had the horns and stature of newly ascended alicorns - which was concerning - next to them was Fizzlepop Berrytwist wearing a strange conical device on her broken horn, then there was the strange purple and black changeling queen - clearly still in the fallen parasite form - and finally was the dreaded Nightmare Moon herself, glaring at her with angry slitted eyes.

Actually now that Stormlight thought about it, all five mares - well four mares and one bug - were glaring at her.

"Who are you?" Came the rumbling voice of the stallion. "You aren't a mirror clone or a changeling, fiend or fay, or even an Outsider. You appear by all tests to be a completely normal unicorn mare, and are not under any kind of polymorph spells, nor do you seem to have been altered by biomancy in any way. But that can't be the case, the real Starlight Glimmer's location has been verified."

Stormlight glared up in defiance, "You won't get away with this."

The stallion laughed, "Get away with what? You were the one who trespassed in my castle, wearing the guise of one of my subjects. So I ask one more time. Who are you? What are you? Where are you from? Who do you work for? And WHY HAVE YOU SPENT THE LAST EIGHT HOURS BURYING MY CASTLE IN YOUR BROKEN CORPSES?