Phillip Screw-Driver

by ImClinicallyDepressed

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Equestria Girls, Violence, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Main 6, Profanity, Discord, Screwball, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Drama, Comedy
Length: 4762

My name's ironic because I'm a screwball thrown into the mix!

My name's Screwball! And I just gained sentience, much to ""Daddy"" Discord's dismay. But who cares! He got turned into stupid stone anyways! What is he gonna do? Somehow convince the ponies that sealed him that he got reformed? Sure hope not!

But... Something's nagging me at the back of my stupid mind... But it's just stupid! Or so I told myself.

"This isn't you Screwball! You aren't just Discord 2.0! Use your powers for good! Not evil! Not chaos! Use it for harmony!"

Bleh, disgusting. Stupid reasonable mind, with it's good points.

[Cover art is modified form the source to not include the fake transparent background as of july 14 24]

Human-to-pony story, but not really? It's technically that but it's like the ship paradox all over again. Is it really still human if it barely remembers it's a human?

Synopsis:

Screwball awakens much, much earlier than canon. She gets thrown smack dab in the middle of the S2 premier and watched in a haze as her ""Dad"" gets turned into a very heavy paperweight.

After the sealing of Discord, chaos finally gets booted out of Equestria! Well, the ponies thought so. In reality all of the chaos that Discord unleashed gets push inside of Screwball's tiny body- wait that sounded so wrong.

Anyways, she gets slightly mad with the sudden influx of chaos magic and goes absolutely nuts cracking insane! Fun!

Thankfully, she hasn't completely lost her sanity and slowly pieces it back together while also trying to not cause a grandiose spectacle. Can she do it though? Find out next time on

DRAGON BALL MOTHERFUCKING Z!

Published 2024-07-10 06:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-12-24 16:02:46 UTC

Screwed (Get your mind out of the gutter)

Author's Note

Very late upload buuuut I have a good reason! It's because I'm stupidly making about... Four fanfiction at the same time! Wow! I'm going insane!

This story was very much inspired by "It's a screwed up life" but is actually mostly based on the fanfic "loosened screw"

Screwed (Get your mind out of the gutter)

Phillip Screw-Driver

[chapter 1]

___

"She's only unconscious, with no signs of injuries Ms. Twilight"

"Oh thank Celestia! I don't know what I would've done when an innocent foal got hurt because of my actions, is she truly alright?"

Why did I have to wake up now....

"It would appear so, the only oddity that we have discovered is about her eyes"

"What? What's wrong with her eyes? Did she go blind? DID I MAKE HER BLI-"

"Ms. Twilight! Remain calm! You did not make her go blind, and she's not blind in the first place."

I guess I need go get out of bed......

"Then what's wrong with her eyes?"

"Well..."

Mmmmm~ I didn't remember my bed being this soooooftttt~

"She's waking up!"

Yeah... Unfortunately I am...

"I'll call the others, I'll be right back Nurse Redheart!"

Who names their kid Redheart?

"Sweetie? Can you hear me?"

Loud and clear boss.

"Sweetie?"

I guess it's time to open my eyes... A bash of colors in three, two, one.

"Sweetie?" Nurse Redheart whispered to the little filly, "Are you awake?"

"Mmhmm..." The filly replied tiredly.

"Good, can you open your eyes for me?" Redheart asked the filly.

"Okaayyy," Slowly the filly opened her eyes, only to shut them again. "Owwwww,"

Seeing the filly flinch in pain, Redheart felt concern. Was there something actually wrong with the filly's eyes?

"Why is that damn light so bright...!"

Oh. It was the light.

"Do you want me to turn it off sweetie?" Redheart asked.

"No! No! I can do this!" The filly winced as she tried to open her eyes yet again, this time however she managed to keep them open.

The two of them locked eyes with each other, the filly looking at Redheart with confusion. Her spiral eyes gazing upon Redheart's blue eyes.

The filly tilted her head in confusion. Redheart internally squealed at the adorable head tilt the filly made, tilting her head she did. The filly tilted her head in another direction, Redheart copying her movements. This exchange went on for what felt years, at least to Redheart it felt like that, she was too distracted by the filly's cuteness.

"Nurse Redheart! I'm back!" An audible click of a door opening was heard just from behind Redheart, "... Nurse, if I may ask, what are you doing?" The voice said from behind Redheart.

"Nurse?" A hoof softly tapped Redheart's shoulder causing her to yelp in surprise.

"Oh! I- uh, forgot you were there Ms. Twilight," Redheart quickly turned back to the filly who had her jaw on the metaphorical floor. "Sweetie, these are the ponies who saved you. Say hi!"

The filly only opened her mouth more in surprise as drool slowly escaped her maw, only to be quickly wiped off by Redheart. With a cartoony shake of her head, the filly regained her composure and greeted the ponies.

"Hi"

"Could you repeat that please?" Twilight asked the filly with a warm smile.

"Hi"

Twilight paused for a moment, trying to figure out why the filly's tone of voice was so familiar to her. Her slowly getting more and more forced and turning into a frown as she racked her brain.

"Eep!"

On second thought, she knew who the filly reminded her of.

"Hey Fluttershy! What's got you all spooked?" A certain rash voice asked her friend.

"N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-nothing, nothing a-at all," Rainbow raised an eyebrow at Fluttershy's response, almost responding to it but brushing it off as a hoof poked her shoulder.

"Hey Dash, maybe continue his er' discussion nother' time? Got more important business and such?" A voice with an accent you only find in cowboy movies said to Rainbow, the latter nodding her head.

"Anyways, my name's Twilight! May I ask what your name is?" Twilight asked with a smile.

"My names Screwball..."

"What's that now?" Twilight asked, suddenly feeling deja vu.

"My name's Screwball" Twilight noted that at the mention of her own name, the filly scrunched up her noise in confusion.

"Didn't quite catch that, can you repeat it a little louder please?" Twilight asked the little filly

"My name's Screw-"

"Oh I can't take it anymore!" A sudden blur of yellow pushed Twilight to the side, causing Twilight to yelp in surprise.

"Eep!" Was the last thing Twilight heard from the filly as she looked on in confusion at the event's that were transpiring.

"Are you hurt? Are you feeling fine? Are you hungry? Oh you must be so hungry, you poor thing! Is your body aching anywhere? Is your vision blurry? Are you-" Fluttershy rapid fired at the filly before getting stopped by Nurse Redheart.

"Ms. Fluttershy! Please slow down, you're startling the poor filly!" Fluttershy looked rather sheepish as she saw the looks that her friends were giving her. That sheepishness was replaced with guilt as she saw the barely conscious filly drooling on herself, her eyes spinning.

"Oh! Im so sorry..." Fluttershy meekly said.

"Itz fine!~" Fluttershy shrunk even more due to embarrassment as the filly talked, her voice sounding drunk and confused.

How did I even get into this situation? The filly thought to herself.

Twilight seemed to read the filly's mind and talked, "You were found after we defeated Discord. You were dangerously close to him and we worried that he might've done something, so we took you here!" The filly looked towards Twilight, her eyes still spinning but now with a confused tone.

"Youz can reads minds?~" The filly asked.

"No, you talked out loud," Twilight replied.

"Ohz," The filly said with a 'o' expression, "I can't remembers anythings, hows did I even get near... This cord?"

"Well..."

{A few days earlier in Ponyville.}

"Yes, YES! Oh this is just delightful!" Discord exclaimed while looking through a portal, revealing a skeleton of a small filly, "Not the dead foal, that's actually quite dreadful," He said while doing a gagging motion.

"This filly is perfect for my plan of spreading chaos! Just need to do a little..." He looked around Ponyville, putting one of his hands on his cheek and whispering, "Rules lawyering wink wink,"

He conjured a scroll out of thin air and a pair of glasses, getting ready to write something down.

"Dear Mr. Discord, would you be so kind to revive my daughter? I will let you do whatever you please to her, I just want to see my daughter again,

Signed-"

He stopped writing for a moment and put a chin on his hand, (yes he did conjure a chin and put it on his hand,)

"Who ARE the parents of this filly?" He asked to nopony in particular, "Just a quick DNA scan and oh! Direct match for a Mrs... Spoiled Rich? How creative these ponies are,"

With a quick snap of his fingers, Mrs. Rich was now facing him. Discord looked on with mild amusement as the mare was shivering in place. It was if she saw the devil! Oh wait she technically did, oops!

"Hello, Spoiled Rich! Welcome to Discord's revival operations! Please sign here and don't question it," He shoved the piece of paper into Spoiled's muzzle, he then also jotted down her name of the scroll he was writing just a few moments ago.

"W-w-w-w-hat? I- uh- Sure...?" Spoiled stammered.

"Good! Now enjoy your stay in chaosville! Oh that's a good name, I need to write it down!" He said. With a snap of his fingers, Spoiled was now gone, replaced with a coffin.

"Now... I haven't done this in a while, well not since... Augh, bad memories," He shivered at the thought of his last revive. Oh the horror, that poor, poor dodo bird...

"Now, if I remember this correctly..." Discord grabbed the skeleton of the filly with his magic, the skeleton floating aimlessly in front of him, "First, fix the skeleton," As he said this, a glow of dark magic enveloped the skeleton. After a few moments, the glow disappeared, revealing a fully intact skeleton.

"Second, conjure the brain," A small brain appeared on the draconequus palm. Opening the skull up, Discord then promptly plopped down the brain inside the skull, giving it a little pat as he did.

"Third, form the rest fo the organs," Multiple organs appeared inside the skeleton, a heart still beating inside of the filly's ribcage, "Wait! It needs to be not beating, oops!" With a flick of his wrist, the heart suddenly stopped beating.

"Fourth, the blood vessels and the nervous system," Discord grabbed a pin cushion and what seemingly looked like rolls of blood vessels and nerves and started to "knit" the organs together.

"There! Fifth is... Oh what was it again?" Conjuring a guide book, Discord skimmed through it at lightning speeds, "Ah! Right, the muscles,"

"Done!" Discord exclaimed, the filly's skeleton now getting covered with muscles, "Sixth is the eyes,"

"Seventh is the ears... Eighth is the skin... And ninth is the teeth!" Discord floated away from the filly. The filly was a jumbled mess of skin, muscle, and random organs, Discord looked thoughtful fot a moment, "AHAH! The coat is missing, silly me!" And with a poof the filly seemingly looked like any other foal.

"Oh right, need to age up the body somewhat, silly me! Again," A pink cloud covered the filly, it dissipating only a few moments after revealing the same filly, only a few years aged up.

"There! Though, something seems to be missing..." He thought for a moment, and a moment more. Then it finally came to him, "Ah! A propeller hat!"

The moment he places down the hat on the filly, a light flickered in her eyes. A once lifeless filly, was now brimming with life.

The filly stared at Discord confused, then if getting the memo, she started to giggle and laugh, "Oh aren't you just the cutest thing!" Discord squealed at the filly.

This was a momentos occasion! He finally, after all these years, all these eons, had a foal.

'Foodwheresfoodhere!ohfood!oooicecream!ooocottoncandy!ooofunfunfunfun!wherefun?herefun!ooothisissoexciting!maybehere?maybethere?ooo!funfun!Ineedmorefun!Ooo!-'

The foal's mind raced a mile a second as Discord looked on with pride. The filly bounced and bounced around Discord, drooling a waterfall in the process. The filly suddenly appeared right in discords face, looking at him with expecting eyes,

"Food?" The filly simply asked.

"What would you like my little Screwy?" Discord replied.

"ChocolatefudgeIlikechocolatefudgecanIgetthatpls?" Drool leaked out of the filly's mouth as she raced through her reply. Her eyes getting bigger and bigger, looking at Discord with the best puppy dog eyes one can imagine. Take the best puppy dog eyes that you've seen, then quadruple the cuteness.

"Anything for itsy bitsy Screwy," Discord sighed. When he was about to conjure it however, he was suddenly stopped by a magical beam.

"We're back Discord! And this time you can't corrupt as anymore!" Discord slowly turned his head around to face the new pony, his eyes filled with a mixture of annoyance and anger.

"Could you wait for a minute dear? I'm feeding my child," Discord said with the most passive aggressive voice one can imagine, "she'll get cranky if she doesn't get fed."

"No food?" Screwball asked, her eyes filled with confusion.

"Just a minute dear," Discord replied, "Let's get this over with shall we?"

With a snap of his... fingers he teleported himself infront of the pony. Crossing his arms he waited for the pony to speak.

"I brought back my friends and got rid of the spell that you were using!" The lavender- purple- ugh what color is Twilight again?

Fucking lavender you stupid fuck.

The lavender mare shouted at Discord. He only rolled his eyes at the mare. And I do mean rolled his eyes.

"And what makes you think the elements of harmony could do the slightest thing to me?" Discord scoffed.

"I- uh-"

"TWILIGHT! Focus! Discord's just trying to do his magic magic on you!" A cyan pegasus exclaimed (more like shouted) at Twilight.

"Really?" Discord looked aghast at the cyan pegasus, "'Magic magic'? Wow, how long did you spend on creating that beautiful explanation?"

"Oh I wasn't hard at all- Hey wait a second!" The cyan pegasus stomped her hooves as Discord started to laugh his lungs out. Literally.

"We don't have much time! Girls!" The lavender mare exclaimed. Four more mares stepped out from behind the lavender one, all sporting a fancy necklace that doesn't look comfortable at all.

All six of the mares started to float upwards as they glowed a magnificent white light. Discord looked bored out of his mind however. Sticking out one his hands, he prepared to nullify whatever the mares were doing, but stopped mid way. A smirk appeared on Discord's face as he lowered his hands and posed dramatically infront of the six mares.

{A very long time ago}

"It seems that you still don't have a heir, Discord?"

Celestia was standing Infront of Discord, her sister right next to her.

"Oh shut it Tia, I don't see your heir either. You cherry mar-"

"Shut it" Celestia cut Discord off before he could finish his sentence.

'Beat it, cherry mare' Discord said, chuckling to himself.

{Pov: Main 6}

Discord stood there, with the most dramatic pose Rarity has ever seen.

'Now what is he planning now?' Rarity asked herself.

Rarity looked around to see the faces of her friends. As expected Twilight was beaming with energy, eyes being fully white. Rarity then looked over to Applejack, who had a confused look on her face, much like her own. They looked at each other, eyes basically saying 'Did we just fall into a trap?'. Rainbow dash barely contained her laughter however, her giggles making that evident.

'That is the most dramatic pose I've ever seen! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!' Dash put a hoof on her mouth to stop her giggles, it didn't work, 'Rarity had dramatic poses but this one takes the cake! HAHAHAHA!'

Pinkie Pie had a face full of wonder, somehow. Her eyes widening by twofold and her body basically vibrating in place.

Rarity rolled her eyes at the two mares and looked over to Fluttershy, who had a... Questionable expression to say the least.

Her expression was a mix of worry and confusion, though her eyes didn't look at Discord. Rarity was confused for a moment until she traced where Fluttershy was looking at, which was behind Discord. She however didn't expect what she saw behind Discord.

She gasped as she tried to wrap her head around what she saw. A foal was sitting behind Discord.

A little foal, sitting behind the being of chaos, who was about to get friendship blasted™.

Fluttershy had the same thought process, since her eyes were widening just like Rarity's, "Um, gi-girls?" Fluttershy quietly mumbled.

"Ye sugarcube?" Applejack asked.

"Maybe we shouldn't um blast Discord right now?" Fluttershy meekly said, causing Rainbow's head to turn to her.

"Why not?! We have the perfect shot!" Rainbow dash huffed, "We can take him out, right here and right now!"

"She's right darling, maybe we shouldn't-" Rarity tried to add on but was interrupted by her eyes glowing a bright white light, causing her to lose consciousness.

After Rarity's eyes glowed, the remaining girls followed soon after. The last one to glow was Fluttershy, as she looked worriedly at the drooling filly.

'I hope this doesn't affect her...' She thought, as she finally glowed.

{3rd person}

Discord looked on with contempt, still striking the same pose. His chaos magic running rampant around him.

He turned around go look at Screwball, a smile grazing his lips, a genuine, and not malicious smile, something that he thought was impossible. He turned back to the floating mares as a beam of light started to envelope his body, slowly causing it to freeze over and turn into a statue.

His final thought before getting stoned (not high) was simple.

'See how you'd handle this Screwball I threw at you Celestia!'

With a flash of bright white light, the surrounding chaos magic dissipates into the air and totally not into a filly and the area slowly turns normal as the six mares slowly descent towards the ground.

The mares, with a collective sigh of relief, looked towards the statue of Discord. All but Fluttershy.

"Oh no!" Fluttershy exclaimed, causing the girls to turn to her.

"What is it sugarcube?" Applejack asked.

"There was a foal behind Discord! Oh where is she where is she-" Fluttershy frantically searched around for the foal, only to be stopped by Rainbow dash.

"Hey Flutters, is this the filly you were lookin for?" She asked, while holding up an unconscious, drooling filly. The filly spasmed, causing Fluttershy's eyes to widen.

Dashing towards Dash (no pun intended), Fluttershy grabbed the filly and rushed her to the hospital with surprising speeds. The girls stood shocked for moment, until they processed what just happened.

"Filly... Discord... Stone... Sealed... *GASP!*" Pinkie exclaimed, "THE FILLY'S STONED!" The other girls looked towards her in confusion for a moment, causing Pinkie to smile awkwardly.

"THE FILLY'S IN DANGER! AND IT'S BECAUSE IT'S BECAUSE OF ME!" Twilight shouted, galloping towards the hospital after Fluttershy.

"Shoot!" Applejack exclaimed, "Someone git Twilight fore' she freaks out in dah hospital!"

"I got it I got it!" Rainbow dash said, blitzing towards Twilight. A *thump* was heard shortly after.

"Get of me Dash! I need to make sure that filly's safe!-" was heard in the distance.

The mares quickly galloped towards the hospital in worry, both for their friend and for the filly, leaving Discord alone. A small smile cracked through the stone as a golden chariot approached the statue.

"What's another few years? Oh this is going to be fuuuun!" Discord thought, as the chariot landed.

Chaos? I barely knew her!

Author's Note

"Im a little quirky like that."

-Screwball reportedly said, after destroying half of the Everfree.

Also, I heard you guys liked the first chapter of this story, wanna see how fast I can run the quality down?

[Also, this is several months late at this point. Blame the educational system of the Philippines.] [Actually, blame me too. I'm too lazy to do shit.]

... Merry Xmas?

It's a little short, but since I'm posting this on exactly 12am PH time, you probably know why this is so short.

Three words, No. Way. José.

That shit. Oh that shit consumed my time. It was a random thought at first. Well, now it has one chapter and a second already on it's way.

Don't worry, this won't replace this one. It'll replace Hey sombra-

Chaos? I barely knew her!

Phillip Screw-Driver

Chapter 2

Well, you ever experienced the times where you just want to do something, but can't because you're sick? That's how I feel right now.

"Sweetie, say 'ah!'" Nurse Redheart was holding a spoon with a very mild tasting soup and trying to feed me it. And I do say mild, since for some reason I can't taste the soup at all.

"Ah." I excitedly said. Redheart only deadpanned towards me as I said ah, but didn't open my mouth long enough.

"I'll give ice cream if you eat the soup."

"Deal! Ahhhhh- mhp~" I quickly said, then opened my mouth to get stuffed.

Okay why does this taste like the color orange. It doesn't make sense!

"Moar!" I exclaimed, waving my hands around. I mean, hooves around.

"I will never get tired of that... *sigh*" Redheart whispered. "Here comes the choo-choo train!"

"Ahh~ mph!" I idly tapped my hooves on my blanket as I tasted the soup.

And now it tastes meat.

I stopped my idle tapping as I processed what I thought about. Wait aren't I supposed to be an equine? Wait what the fuuuuudge is an equine? What the hell are all of these?!

"Say ah~" Redheart slowly made the spoon go near to my mouth as I thought more.

Now that I think about it, where am I? The hell is this place? It looks like a hospital. I don't know what that is but it looks like one.

"Nom~" I ate what Redheart was feeding me, not thinking much of it. After a few more minutes of thinking, I started to wonder why Redheart stopped feeding me.

"A..aaaaa...a-" *Thunk!*

"Nurse Redheart?" I started to search around for her as I heard the thunk noise. My efforts proved useful as I quickly found Nurse Redheart unconscious on the floor, with a half eaten spoon besides her.

"Why is there a half eaten spoon right next to Nurse Redheart? What idiot would eat metal?" I said out loud as I stared at the unconscious body of my Nurse. My eyes slowly gravitate towards her butt area as I noticed a picture plastered on her ass. The picture was of a red cross, with more red around the cross. I don't really know how to describe it

"Huh." I wondered what the picture meant, and why is it on her ass.

Should probably go find a Nurse for my Nurse.

Groaning, I slowly made my way to the foot of my bed. I slightly shivered as I saw how high up I am.

Let's do this Screwball!

Closing my eyes, I tried to walk off the bed. A sudden *pop!* sound made me open my eyes again, now finding myself on the floor.

"Huh. Well that was easy," Trotting over to the door of the room, I slightly opened it and letting in the noise from the hallway. A certain chime was heard throughout the air, cutting through the noise of the hospital.

"Nurse Redheart, please report to the staff break room, Ms. Sparkle wants to meet you. And you specifically. They said they wanted to talk the state of the recently admitted filly."

Another chime played, similar to the first one but with some slight differences. Peeking my head out of the door, I saw what looked like a slightly purple unicorn stallion with a purple mane standing awkwardly next to a... White? Beige? Is that even the right word? Slightly white pony with a dark brown red mane.

As you can tell I am not good at colors.

Guess you can say... My trust was once... lost! Badum ching!

Deciding that whatever was happening there was not my problem, I slipped out of the door and into the hallway.

The hallway was mostly empty, except for a few nurses here and there. There were multiple doors to left and right of me. Some were open, so I curiously peeked inside one.

Inside the room there was a filly peering out the window to her side, obviously not paying attention to me. A wicked grin formed on my face as I thought of something... Chaotic.

[A few minutes earlier]

{3rd person pov}

"Seems like the little one has a fever Ms. Applejack." The nurse calmly stated.

"Is it bad nurse?" Applejack asked the nurse, worried for her sister's well being.

"Well, it isn't bad-"

"Phew!" Applejack sighed a sigh of relief.

"But,"

"Oh cornsarnit!" Applejack quickly retracted that sigh of relief and cursed under her breath.

"It isn't exactly good either," The nurse helpfully said. I mean, of course it isn't good. It's a fever!

"Well it is ah fever nurse..." Applejack trailed off.

"What I meant by 'not good' was the strangeness of the symptoms." The nurse informed the orange mare. heh orange. Like the fruit.

"Aynd...?"

"A fever and a raspy throat is normal, but I can't really explain why she has, and I quote "Sudden urge to solve mysteries and eat snacks named after a dog" The nurse said, with a matter-of-fact tone that Applejack found slightly funny.

"Naw thayt 's weird." Applejack mussed.

[Writer man, pls add more to this interaction] [No :)]

"Now, excuse me Ms. Applejack but Applebloom needs to rest now," Applejack nodded and trotted over to the door of the room with the nurse, stopping and turning to Applebloom before she left.

"Ah'll come back tomorrow Applebloom, make shure tah behave okay?"

"Ah' promise sis'!" Applebloom gave a mock salute, which made Applejack snicker.

Applejack waved goodbye to her sister and closed the door as she left, leaving Applebloom alone.

*Thunk*

Applebloom, who is understandably bored, decided to peer out of the window and observe the weather ponies outside. Sighing, her eyes slowly but surely closed as she watched the pegasi do their work.

She watched as Rainbow dash soared towards the sky, clearing the clouds in 10 seconds. She slightly chuckled at the thought of Scootaloo freaking out about that.

"Huh. Well that was easy,"

"Wuh- wha was sat?" Applebloom hurriedly looked around the room, maybe her friends decided to visit?

Her eyes fixated on the entrance of her room, said eyes were filled with curiosity and a tinge of fear.

A sudden chill went up the young filly's spine as all sounds around her stopped abruptly. A resounding clip and a deafening clop reverberated throughout the hall.

*creakkkkkkkk*

Applebloom's breath hitched as she looked in horror at the creaking door. She couldn't see beyond the door, as if a veil of shadow was placed infront of it. She could feel a hot yet icy and cold breath touch her neck as a voice whispered in her ear.

"Did anybody tell you that you smell nice~?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

"HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

"Ow! My ears!" I shouted as I grabbed the nearby pillow and stuffed it into the filly's mouth.

The filly stared into my eyes in shock as I stared back, her eyes full of... Something. Probably confusion, or annoyance. Or both.

"Diamond?!" The filly shouted.

Who names their kid fucking diamond? Next thing I know there's gonna be a kid named Cozy glow.

"No, emerald," I said. Confusion filled the filly's eyes.

"Yah don't look like ahn Emerald," She tilted her head in confusion at this.

"I was using the masterful art of lying, random filly I scared." I bluntly stated, causing the filly to blush in embarrassment.

"So... Yah ain't Diamond Tiara?" She asked, a small frown on her face.

Holy shit I was wrong.

"No. And if I was, why are u askin? Do I look like that Diamond Tiara kid?" I asked, which to tilt her head further in confusion.

"Well... Yah look like her twin sister or somthin. Yah aren't, right?" She asked, hopeful. Why was she hopeful? Go ask your English teacher or something.

"Probably not." I said, with a slight disinterested tone to my voice.

"What's yer name?" She asked.

"Screwball," I answered immediately.

"Oh! Like from baseball?"

"What's a baseball?" I asked with curiosity.

"It's ah sport. That's all ah know. Ah'm totally not addicted to it"

"What did you say?"

"Non'"

We sat in awkward silence for a while. Deciding to break said silence, I let out a cough.

"Ahem, so what you in for?" I asked the filly.

"Sum flu or somthin, I really didn't pay attention." Replied the filly.

"Oh. Neat," I said with a smile. "I'm in for something, can't remember what that is because I also didn't pay attention."

Heh. Kids, am I right?

"Oh shoot! Ah forgot to give yah mah name!" The filly exclaimed. "Mah name's Applebloom, but yah can call me AB if ya like."

"Nice to meet you Applebloom." I said, extending my hoof out for a hoofshake.

"Likewise Screwball, hopefully both of us can be friends." Applebloom said, grabbing my hoof and shaking it.

As we shook hooves, the door to Applebloom's room swiftly opened. Both of us yelped in surprise as we stared at the clearly panicked Nurse Redheart Infront of us.

"Oh thank Celestia you're okay!" Nurse Redheart exclaimed as she rushed over to me and almost crushed me in her bone splitting hug.

"Can't... Breathe...!" I coughed out. Redheart quickly released her grip "I think my ribs are broken..."

"Yah alright Screwy?" Applebloom asked with worry in her voice.

"Don't... Ever... Call me that..." I weakly glared at Applebloom, but it did not work at all.

"Whateva you say Screwy," Appleboom smirked at my weak form.

I have a feeling I'll regret this later...

And oh boy I did. But I won't continue that story for now. Got my milk and cookies to attend to. Toodles!