Holiday Retrospective

by alki

Rating: teen
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Adventure, Pinkie Pie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Drama
Length: 2368

Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie travel back in time, before the first Hearth's Warming

After Pinkie Pie mixes a dash of "retrospective rum" into a cake, she and Rainbow Dash find themselves in the frozen wilderness north of Equestria. They don't know where exactly they are, and neither do they know exactly when. Pinkie is ever the optimist, but Rainbow is less so.

NOTE: This fic is pending a rewrite (eventually). Too ambitious for a first fic, to be honest

Published 2024-05-13 20:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-05-13 20:10:01 UTC

What kind of cake?

Author's Note

This is my first story, and I realised pretty early on that writing about Pinkie was probably not the best idea. It's hard to strike the balance between random and reasonable that characterizes her so well in the show.

What kind of cake?

Rainbow hadn’t known what to expect when Pinkie asked her to try “Retrospective Rum Cake”, only that Pinkie claimed it would “make her feel like the Hearth’s Warming season was already here“. It had seemingly worked; although previously they had been sitting in Sugarcube Corner taking refuge from the sweltering summer sun, the boreal pine forest surrounding them now was lightly dusted with snow, and dim in the rapidly fading light.

“Uh, Pinkie? Where did you get the recipe for this cake?”

“Weeellllll if you remember that time Twilight and I went to the Starswirl the Bearded wing of the Canterlot library to look for a time spell, I found a book in the ‘Apothecarial’ section that was FULL of really yummy-sounding potions and I just had to try to make one. There wasn’t any molasses on hand either after I used it all making cookies for Bon Bon’s birthday party, so instead I threw in some RUM and it turned out super-duper-booze-tastic! One swig of that stuff and my head spun so hard I thought it was last week! I mean really, talk about –”

“Pinkie! Focus!”

“RIGHT! Anyway, I thought that this potion would be delicious in a cake, and what better cake for a rummy potion than a rum cake! When I looked in the pantry again, the Cakes had ALREADY restocked the molasses and all the other ingredients I used too, and I hadn’t even mentioned the potion at all! I still put rum in the batter, though, since it was so tasty the first time, and I baked it all up into a cake for my bestest friend to enjoy! Since I know how much you love your alcohol and all.”

Rainbow, as a matter of fact, didn’t care for the taste of alcohol. This was unbefitting of the most awesome mare in Ponyville, however, and Rainbow had a reputation to maintain as a totally radical party animal. After one particularly intense drinking contest with Berry Shine several months back, most of Ponyville viewed her as a regular enthusiast. This led to an assortment of different wines, whisky, and even some weird green stuff being given to Rainbow as gifts over the preceding weeks, much to her chagrin.

“Sure… well I don’t have any clue where we are–”

“Me neither!”

“...so I’m gonna fly up and take a look around. Just, don’t wander too far, OK?”

“Okie dokie!”

With that, Pinkie Pie immediately hopped behind a tree, failing to reappear from the other side. Rainbow sighed, and took to the air. With two beats of her wings she cleared the tips of the trees, leaving a cloud of snowdust to filter down through the branches. The bracing air made a stark contrast to the warm, languid atmosphere of Ponyville that morning, and Rainbow found it invigorating. It was nearly enough to distract her from the peculiarity of the situation at hoof.

As she found an updraft to steady her wings against, Rainbow surveyed the countryside around her. It was notably less developed than the area surrounding Ponyville. Instead of quiet country lanes and rows of orderly apple trees in orchards, there were nothing but hills of thick, snow-doused firs stretching in every direction, their very tops shining in the copper light of the sun cresting over the western horizon.

“Just where in Equestria are we?” thought Rainbow Dash.

The region they found themselves in was desolate and barren of any settlement or apparent shelter. In fact, it looked almost like the frozen wilds which encompassed the Crystal Empire, far to the north. The sky was stained steel grey, with wisps of clouds whipped eastward by sudden gales. The chill this high up bit sharply through Rainbow’s coat, and she hurriedly scanned the landscape for a sign of shelter from the night.

As a matter of fact, the question of when they were seemed especially relevant. As a pegasus and weathermare herself, Rainbow was familiar with meteorological patterns, and could discern that something was not as it should be. Even far to the north, where it might be cold enough for snowfall, the summer months should have seen the sun set closer to the southern horizon. This, coupled with the seeming lack of any animal activity, indicated to Rainbow that the time of year was nearing winter. If that really were the case, Rainbow considered, then the night ahead of them would be a long one indeed.

In the last rays of clear sunlight, Rainbow sighted a dark smudge against the clouds to the east. It was barely distinct against the dark spires of the pine trees, but spread and angled as it rose, gradually growing fainter against the sky.

“A smoke trail…” she thought, and strained her eyes to look closer.

The trees blocked her view of any possible source, but it was the only visible point of interest for at least 10 miles around. Rainbow put aside thoughts of how or why she and Pinkie found themselves in such a surreal situation, and decided that the most important issue was to find shelter for the night. She needed to let Pinkie know that they had a new destination. A sudden gust of wind passed through Rainbow’s down and seemed to reach her bones, a sobering reminder of the deadly cold, and Rainbow quickly sought the still air of the forest floor.

With the sun fading at her back, Rainbow descended into the woods, kicking up a swirl of powder as she touched down. She began searching for a sign of Pinkie Pie to let her know about their new objective. Pinkie’s hoofprints stopped at the tree she had vanished behind earlier, and Rainbow couldn’t hear Pinkie’s distinctive bouncing, either. At this time of year, most animals were either hibernating or frozen, and other than the gentle rush of the treetops in the wind, the forest was silent.

“Now where did that filly run off to? I thought I told her…” she mumbled, slowing to a pause.

Rainbow became suddenly conscious of her own presence in the forest, standing alone and naked in the interstice between the boughs towering over her. In the twilight, the forest suddenly seemed poised to strike out at her, the silence only heightening the tension that rapidly filled the cold air. Her ears splayed out and her breath became shallow, legs shakily lowering her barrel toward the ground. No way for a future Wonderbolt to act, surely. A Wonderbolt is fearless, and faces danger head on.

The wind became still. Rainbow could practically hear the snowflakes drifting from the higher boughs settling on the forest floor.

Ahead, in the gloom, she could nearly make out the figure of a pony. A strange, warped figure, that seemed to be turning to face her.

“What are we looking for, Dashie?”

Pinkie’s voice suddenly struck Rainbow’s ear from behind, causing her to jerk with fright. Her wings flared out, pulling an upwell of snow into the air around the two.

“AHHHHH! Pinkie! What–”

“Because if it’s more cake, then you won’t find any here! We left the last of it back at Sugarcube Corner.”

Recovering from the shock, Rainbow didn’t think to consider the potential danger of leaving the admittedly suspicious cake back home unsupervised. Instead, she turned to face Pinkie Pie, noting that she had not left any hoofprints leading up to her current position. Indeed, it was as if Pinkie had been set there precisely by some benevolent giant, or been simply standing there all along.

Slightly embarrassed at having been frightened by her friend, Rainbow quickly averted her gaze to hide her warming cheeks. This pink mare could really get on her nerves sometimes. The warmth now flushing her muzzle was really the only warm sensation she had felt in a while, and reminded her of the impending night.

“Pinkie! I, uh, while I was flying I saw some smoke. It wasn’t much, but we should probably see if we can find some shelter there.”

“OK! Do you think they have any hot chocolate? It’s awfully cold out here, and I was worried my tail would freeze off! Ooh, or warm eggnog, or…”

Pinkie trailed off recounting different Hearth’s Warming beverages, and Rainbow realised only now that having Pinkie as her only company might begin to grate on her. All the more reason to find some other ponies, really.

“Hey, Pinkie. I saw it in this direction, to the east. Come on, let’s start trotting.”

“Okie dokie lokie!”

With a sunny smile on her face, Pinkie turned into the waiting gloom and bounced forward past Rainbow, leaving small drifts of snow in her wake. Rainbow Dash set out following her closely behind, into the blue-black of the twilight woods.

“Speaking of Twilight”, Rainbow thought, “neither Pinkie nor I is a unicorn. We won’t be able to create any kind of crazy magic light source. Good luck starting a fire, too. Hahhh…”. She sighed mentally. “Some luck for the coolest pony in Equestria”.

As they passed by where Rainbow thought she had seen a figure, upon closer inspection the dark shape was simply a negative space between several trees. This led to a further, exasperated sigh.

“Come on, Dash. Get it together. What do you know about this place?”

Rainbow Dash attempted to summon the memory of the smoke pillar in order to judge how far away its source was, but the vision had already blurred into the vista of endless pine trees surrounding them. The darkness around the two brightly coloured ponies only seemed to grow denser by the minute, and the temperature tangibly fell every pace they took deeper into the forest.

Her mind, as it often did, gravitated toward her Daring Do books. “What would Daring Do do?” seemed an appropriate question in this circumstance to Rainbow, and she attempted to glean whatever survival tips and tricks might have been found in the volume she had left open face down on her bed that morning.

“Daring Do and the Northern Sun” was the most recently published entry in the series, and chronicled Do’s adventures north of the Riphean mountains in the mystical land of Hyperborea. So recently published, in fact, that it was released in bookstores just yesterday. Rainbow had camped in line the night before last, and could proudly boast that she was the first pony in town who had got her hooves on a copy. She had spent the entire day yesterday, and most of this morning reading, and was already halfway through the novel. Not a very thin novel either, mind.

In any case, the book detailed Daring Do’s survival exploits in the frozen wastes of the north while searching for a lost temple, dealing with mysterious cults, et cetera. Rainbow hadn’t yet reached the climax of the book, but esoteric ideologues seemed to be the least of her worries at the moment.

What did seem to be useful information, however, were the techniques by which Daring Do subsisted off of the sparse wintry environment. As her stomach growled, Rainbow considered that the three bites of cake she had ingested that morning were probably not sufficient to keep herself warm through the night, possibly not even until she and Pinkie found shelter.

In her novel, Daring Do had learned from native reindeer tribes how to forage for lichens that spread over the shadowy bases of trees, under the crust of snow. It was either that, or whatever half-rotten mushrooms were left under the ice at this time of year. Although the offerings at hoof seemed a far cry from the warm sandwich and hayfries she had for dinner last night, Rainbow swallowed firmly. Her pride, and the bile beginning to surge at the back of her throat.

It was do or die, out here. Best to strengthen her resolve. What was a Wonderbolt who couldn’t adapt to some strife, anyway?

Pinkie, meanwhile, was happily munching on an ice cream cone which she had apparently pulled out of her mane.

The sight of this irritated Rainbow Dash, who had just steeled herself for the idea of consuming cold, gritty lichen scraped off a tree root with her teeth.

“Isn’t this great Dashie! I can eat my ice cream without it melting all over my hooves!”

“Pinkie, you usually eat them in about two seconds anyway.”

At this, Pinkie stuck her tongue out, dropped the ice cream on the end scoop first, and retracted her tongue in a way not unbefitting a chameleon. It was as if there had been no ice cream at all. Not in a place like this, at this time of year, anyway.

“Speaking of, we should really think about rationing the food we have.”

“Ooh! That’s so right, Rainbow! Let’s see if we can find some candy or cupcakes around here so we can ration them.”

“Pinkie, that’s not really what rationing means. And I really think you should take this a little more seriously.”

“Of course I’m taking this seriously, Rainbow Dash! This is a seriously fun adventure! Maybe, somewhere in this forest, there’s a cottage made out of candy. Oh, or gingerbread! And a trail of breadcrumbs leading us there. And maybe, there’s an evil enchantress there who would try to cook us up into a big tasty stew. Ohh, I can’t wait!”

At this, Pinkie began to hyperventilate and quickened her pace, bouncing along the snowfall and leaving a trail of packed hoofprints.

Rainbow hadn’t the faintest idea of what Pinkie was talking about, but quickly resigned herself to following the cheerful pink pony. It was easy to see her vividly coloured mane against the background, at least, in what little light remained in the woods. She just wished that Pinkie would understand that this wasn’t some kind of game.

They went on for some time in silence, broken only by the crunch of stale snow beneath their hooves.