Author's Note

This is my first MLP fanfiction, so please be patient with any formatting or tagging issues, I'm new here!

This fan fiction is almost finished on my end and is planned to be three chapters total.

If you're interested in being a beta reader for the next chapter, or just having someone to talk to about Equestria Girls with, feel free to add me on Discord: @/ashleysponystable

Chapter 1: Changing of the Seasons

Dear Princess Twilight

I frown. Too formal. Too late to do anything about it now though, the book instantly transmits anything I write to Twilight Sparkle’s copy in Equestria. That’s frustrating. Despite being from Equestria myself, I feel like a human through and through. Hands are so much more useful than my hooves ever were. How could I ever go back to using those instead? Not to mention every messaging app in the human world having a send button. I really wish this book had one of those. I’m so used to writing out whatever’s on my mind and then taking a few seconds to process whether or not I actually want to hit send.

Not that it matters anyway.

Princess Twilight used to keep in touch all the time. She’d send me long paragraphs detailing the various adventures she was having in Equestria. The battle against Tirek, the attempts to befriend Starlight Glimmer, the baby. The Baby. I smirked.

I’ve come to realize that time works differently over here to how it does in Equestria. A lot of the same events happen here that have already happened over there, but on a delay. Strange how that happens. It often feels like anything she tells me turns out to be a spoiler for what’ll happen to me a few months later. When we first started dating, Twilight told me that her brother was married to Princess Cadence and sure enough a few months later, I found out that they’re together in this world too. Not married yet, though. Certainly no baby in sight either. I wish they’d hurry that up. I need to find out what Flurry Heart will look like. The way Twilight describes her sounds adorable.

Recently, however, the messages have been getting more blunt and infrequent. We used to spend entire nights writing to each other. We would get so flustered whenever we’d start writing at the same time and our messages would overlap on the page. Nowadays I have no way of knowing if she’ll even read what I write. She claims that she’s just been getting busier, that her princess duties have been getting more demanding. I already knew that she wouldn't be able to visit very often, but the goalposts being moved to less messaging has frustrated me a lot.

I feel bad, like I’m asking for too much, but she’s my girlfriend. Shouldn’t my feelings matter? I’ve been second guessing myself a lot recently. I hate that.

How has Princess Duty been going lately?

I slap my forehead. Less formal, dammit! The phone to the side of me vibrates. I exhale. I’m overthinking again. I shut the book. I place it into my bag and take a look at my phone. It’s from Twilight, the other Twilight. The human world Twilight.

I’m almost at your place. I wanted to walk with you to school 😊

Is she crazy? Her house is on the complete other side of town from mine. To get here, she’d have to walk past the school and keep going. I suddenly get embarrassed. My friends must’ve noticed something was up with me. Am I that easy to read? Better yet, am I really this emotionally compromised? I rush to send a response text, understanding that if I don’t I’ll be just like her. No time to sit with my thoughts any longer, I need to get ready for school.

—

I motion towards my food with my fork, in a pathetic attempt to pretend that I’m about to eat it, despite having no intention of doing so. It’s lunch break and still no reply. Stupid book doesn’t even have the feature to tell me if the message has been read. I carry mine with me everywhere I go. If it vibrates, signaling a new message, I’m always within earshot. I doubt Princess Twilight even keeps hers in the same room that she’s in. She checks it when it’s convenient for her. That’s all I am after all, a convenience.

I need to break up with her.

I shut my eyes tightly and clench the fork in my hand. Exhale. I quickly open my eyes again and scan the table to check if any of my friends noticed. They’re all eating while entertaining one of Pinkie Pie’s jokes. All except Rarity. She’s staring right at me. Quick, shovel some food in my mouth and laugh along. She’s still looking. She has a wide eyed look, with her mouth slightly agape. I deeply hate that look. I hate it whenever anyone knows that something is wrong with me. Why can’t I deal with this on my own?

Rarity clears her throat and turns to the rest of our friends.

“I’m behind on working on some costumes. Sunset offered to help me out, so we’ll be heading to the home economics room now.” She starts to stand up and flashes me an empathetic smile.

“D’ya need my help too?” AppleJack replies, half distracted by whatever killer anecdote Pinkie Pie is in the middle of retelling.

“No, it’s quite alright.” Rarity gestured over to me. “Just the two of us today.”

—

I shuffle into the home ec room behind Rarity. I carefully close the door and look around. Not including the two of us, no one else is here. There are a lot of pieces of fabric and half finished outfits, however.

Rarity sits down at her usual work station. I try to act oblivious to what’s happening by continuing to sift through the clothing materials.

“Could you sit down please?” Rarity calls out gently. It hurts me a little more that she’s being so polite. Someone yelling at me I can handle. Someone trying nicely to help? Not as easy. I’m fully aware of my subconscious self preservation instincts. I’m so used to being alone that the moment anyone catches me with my emotional barriers down I run away. Not literally. Usually.

I grab a nearby chair, turn it to face Rarity, place my bag down and sit. I instinctively look at the journal through an opening in the bag. I try to shift my eyes back to Rarity in a casual way but I can tell from the look on her face that she’s pieced everything together. Most of it, at least.

“Is something on your mind lately?” Rarity tries to conceal the concerned tone in her voice but fails.
“What do you mean?” I ask. I know what she means. She knows that I know, too.

“You’ve been acting distracted. To an unusual degree.” She slips on her pair of reading glasses that are too small to actually line up with her eyes. They do look cool though. “I know that you don’t like asking for help, so I thought I’d talk to you one on one to sort it out.”

Each member of our friend group, The Rainbooms, has their own unique strength. Rainbow Dash is a force of nature. She makes mistakes all the time, but it’s her confidence that causes her to push us through difficult situations. AppleJack is more level headed in comparison. Her smart application of common sense decision making prevents us from doing anything too stupid. Rarity is emotionally mature. She can be a drama queen at times, but she manages the rest of our emotional states well. Something about being in her presence feels so comforting.

I’m supposed to be the empathy one, that’s my job, I think to myself grouchily.

I jolt up in my chair. I was supposed to be responding to Rarity but just zoned out instead. Maybe that’s my special talent. Scratch that, the human world Twilight is probably better at that.

“I’m doing great!” I force the least convincing giggle I can muster. I don’t know why I bother. We both know that she’ll take it the opposite way. I wonder what would happen if I was honest for once. Nothing to lose, let’s try it. “...But there is something, actually.” I can tell the sudden shift has caught Rarity off guard. I Regret that.

“No, that’s good!” Rarity perks up.

That there’s something wrong? I cringe on her behalf.

“That you’re being so open with me- not that something is wrong.” She looks embarrassed. There’s no way I could have prevented that, but I really wish I did.

“Is it Princess? It’s been a while since she’s visited.” Rarity quickly changes the subject. She’s so good at that.
Since there are two Twilights, we agreed to emphasize the word Princess when talking about the one from Equestria, my girlfriend, so that we couldn’t get confused. After a while we stopped using Twilight at all and just called her Princess. At least when she isn’t around, anyway. Which is all of the time. The Twilight that actually bothers to spend time with us gets first name privileges.

“I thought, just for a second, that I should break up with her.” I replied. I ignore my instincts and continue with the open honesty strategy. “Kind of like an intrusive thought, but not as extreme.”

“Like an intrusive thought? So you’re not seriously considering it?” Rarity rested her cheek on her arm. I could tell she was trying to gauge the severity of the situation in her head.

“Seriously might be too strong a word, but I suppose I am considering it.” As I speak the realization hits me. This went from being something in my head to something someone else knows about. It just became real. I fidget uncomfortably in my seat. I don’t like having to confront my problems, but I try to push through it because I know that this talk could be exactly what I need; an outlet to vent. Thinking about something in my head and actually verbalizing it are two very different things and the latter could be a good way to give myself the perspective that I need. Rarity’s advice could be good too. She’s historically awful when it comes to relationships, but that’s only when she’s the one in it. She might be better at giving advice than actually following it. Plus, more bad experiences meant she could have had more chances to learn. Neither of the reasons I could think of were particularly compelling but it’s not like any of my other friends were likely to give better advice.

I really appreciate Rarity for offering to help in the first place. Friendship is a two way street. I have to show her my appreciation by co-operating and taking this seriously. I think that may have been the reason I was so uncharacteristically honest a few seconds ago.

“I see…” Rarity was thoughtful. I wonder what exactly it is that’s going through her head at this moment. My relationship with Princess Twilight has strained due to the lack of communication with her, but how would that affect her friendship with the Rainbooms? At least I have the journal, ineffective as it is. The rest of my friends have no convenient way of getting in touch with her at all. Even when she did visit, she would usually talk about the Equestrian versions of them, her real friends. I can’t imagine how that would have felt for them. I need to do something nice for my friends later, to show them that they’re the real ones to me. I don’t think I’m very good at showing others that I care, but ever since the incident at the Fall Formal, I’ve been trying my hardest to work on it.

“When was the last time the two of you had a conversation with each other?” Rarity asked.

“Conversation is an interesting word choice.” I continued to fidget restlessly.

“Hmm?” Rarity sat upright in her chair. It didn’t take much to get her invested. “What do you mean by that?” She adjusted the glasses on her face. Aren’t those reading glasses? Why is she wearing them if she isn’t reading anything? Is it… just to appear smarter? I need to stop my mind from wandering.

“If you’re counting a blunt response to one of my messages, then the most recent conversation was a couple of days ago. But if you’re looking for the most recent time that she wrote more than one sentence in the journal, it was, let’s see… 24 days ago?”

“You keep count of the days?” Rarity crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.

“No. No. Absolutely not. I just remember because that was the day that-” I caught myself and realized what I was in the process of saying. “I guess that does mean I was counting.” I start to freeze up. I’m so embarrassed. It didn’t even register until now.

“It’s quite alright!” Rarity put her arms out, the palms of her hands pointed towards me. “There’s no judgment here. I want to help.”

“What do you suggest I do?” I could feel my face growing warm from the shame I was feeling. I can’t control it. My eyes drift down to my bag. Still nothing from the journal.

“I can’t in any good conscience tell you what you should do.” Rarity relaxed her hands onto her lap. She was using her foot on the floor to swivel her desk chair side to side ever so slightly. I knew she wasn’t aware that she was doing it.

“What I can do,” Rarity continued. “-is tell you that it’s your choice to make. It always has been. Even if you make a mistake you end up regretting, it should be your mistake. One you learn from.”

There it was. The wisdom from Rarity’s failed relationships. I had underestimated her. I completely understand what she’s trying to say. I’ve been so unhappy, spending my time waiting for attention I thought I deserved from Princess Twilight, not knowing if I was ever going to get it. I would almost certainly regret being the one to break up with her, but at least it would give me my sense of agency back. I would be the one in control.

I instinctively open my bag from the floor and grab the journal. I unclip my pen from the spine of the book. I usually keep it there to reply to messages faster.

“Hold on darling, I wouldn’t act quite so hastily.” Rarity’s demeanor shifted instantly. I really don’t like how much the power dynamic between us changed so quickly. I place the pen down on my lap in an attempt to put Rarity at ease again. It works. She visibly relaxed a little. Not entirely, but enough that I didn’t feel as bad anymore. I look her in the eyes, seeking approval to open the journal. She understands and nods her head.

I open the book and flick through the pages until I land on the one I had most recently written on. I should really start using a bookmark or something because each time I do, I catch a glimpse of random messages between us from the past few months. The glimpse may have been a fraction of a second per page, but I’m familiar enough with the messages that just seeing them, not reading them, is enough to remember what they say. Seeing the entire duration of my time with Princess Twilight flash before me was a lot to process in this particular moment. I saw us go from friends to lovers and back to what felt like acquaintances again in just a couple of seconds. I saw the time Twilight messages me for the first time after she arrived in Equestria after the Battle of the Bands. I saw the times she caught me up with her recent adventures with her pony friends. The times we vented to each other. The times we got excited or flustered. Then there was the time I needed her to be there for me during the Friendship Games. That was the first big red flag. She claimed that she was too busy and apologized profusely so I forgave her, but shortly after that it became a habit. That was a long time ago, relative to when we first met, yet it was three quarters of the way through the nearly filled in journal.

I looked down at the current page.

Dear Princess Twilight,
How has Princess Duty been going lately?

Still no response. I would have been more lenient if this wasn’t such a consistent pattern.

Rarity quietly watched me. She knew a lot was going through my mind at the moment. I slowly pick up the pen again, checking Rarity’s body language for approval. She didn’t move. Good enough for me.

My hand was shaking. That’d make it difficult to write anything. Rarity looked like she wanted to stop me, but remained still.

“I won’t tell you what to do, darling.” Rarity tried talking to me to calm me down. I noticed that she overuses the word Darling when she’s stressed. “I’m here for you no matter what you decide. All of us are.”

I think about the rest of the Rainbooms, my friends, and smile to myself. How can I be so dependent on the Princess when I have so many wonderful people who I know have my back. My hand calms down a little. Better make whatever I write short and sweet, before my anxiety comes back.

I’m sorry but it isn’t working out.
I think we should stop seeing each other.

Despite my hand shaking subsiding, this is still the messiest handwriting of any of my messages. I doubt Rarity could read the message from where she’s sitting, but she undoubtedly got the jist of it. I closed the book. Big exhale. I did it.

The book immediately vibrates

I panic.

I grab the top of my head with my hands. How??? Why??? What???

I feel dizzy. I realize how hungry I am from not eating my lunch. So many emotions swirl through my head. Regret. Denial. Anger.

What am I supposed to do? I have to look at the message but I can’t bring myself to. I thought she didn’t read my messages anymore. The sheer speed at which she sent this one made me rethink everything. Maybe she did care. Too late. I can’t exactly undo what I just did. I wouldn’t be able to live down the embarrassment. I weigh up my options and start to think that destroying the journal and Portal to Equestria might be the only thing I can do. I am interrupted by a feeling warm feeling smothering my body.

I snap out of it. Rarity is hugging me. I must've not even noticed her approaching me.
“I’m so sorry darling.” Rarity tried to comfort me but I know that even her demeanor has been pierced. I return the hug and feel tears swelling in my eyes. Rarity pulls back. “You need to look at the message.” Rarity says firmly. She’s right. As difficult as it is, I have to read it.

The bell signaling the beginning of lessons sounds off at the exact worst time. Before I get the chance to panic again, Rarity takes the pragmatic approach and walks over to the teachers desk on the other side of the room. She sorts through the various documents on it until she gets to the one she was looking for.

“There are no classes scheduled for this room right now. Take your time.” She takes her reading glasses off. I guess they did come in handy after all.

“But what about our class?” I attempt to swipe the tears away from my face but don’t have much luck. Leather jacket sleeves aren’t exactly built for this.

“We can worry about that later. This is more important.” Rarity notices a box of tissues on the teachers desk, picks it up and hands it to me. Being this vulnerable in front of one of my friends is embarrassing, but the tissues are helping.

I exhale slowly, trying to get my thoughts in order again. Rarity gives me the quiet that I need.
“I’m going to open the journal again.” I say slowly.

“Can I give you a piece of advice?” Rarity asked meekly, trying not to overstep her bounds.

“Yes, of course.” I smile, trying to build up my confidence.

“Give the pen to me. Don’t respond to the message. Just read it.” She held out her hand. I oblige and give her the pen. Good idea. Sounds like a piece of advice she learned the hard way. I don’t exactly trust whatever I would end up writing at this moment.

I open the book, once again catching glimpses of the messages we’ve sent in the past. They hold a completely different context and meaning to me now, just a few seconds later.

I arrive on the page I was looking for and am greeted by a one word message immediately under mine:

Okay.

I tear the page out of the book.