The nine mercenaries of Teufort hold several beliefs in common: weapon maintenance is vital, everyone else on the team is crazy, and a good hat is precious. Dell's a little worried about having two strange specimens from that last category just appear, but -- hats are hats, and one of them has already been claimed. Maybe it'll end there.

Maybe the original owners won't show up to take them back.

Maybe said owners aren't small magic-wielding equines.

...well, crap.

(Now with author Patreon, SubscribeStar, and Ko-Fi pages.)

Rated C for Concheror Crackfic.