Let's Get this Party Started!
It was a calm day, nothing out of the ordinary was happening and you had some extra time…time to browse Fimfiction. Why not, after all? It’s bound to have some engaging and maybe, dare you say it, exciting stories.
You see an interesting looking story; Pinkie Pie is depicted on the story’s cover and she’s got a cool 80’s vibe. “Why not give it a chance?” you think to yourself.
You click on the story and the screen cuts black. Suddenly, with the warmly familiar sight and sound of a video cassette starting up, you begin to hear a distinctly 80’s synth beat playing, just as if you were booting up an authentic Memorex on your old Philips cassette player. You could barely make out the voices and language of the oprning track, but soon a title screen showing the songs played appeared, you saw them listed:
Pinkie Pie's Totally Tubular 1980s Workout Extravaganza!
Performed by: Pinkie Pie
Songs:
“Gul ishqida” by Zulfiya Abdurakhmonova
"Dziewczyna moich marzeń" by Top Secret
Hmmm, that second one is kind of a '90s song, but you couldn’t fault your favorite pony for being a little chronologically confused when it came to the music of another dimension. After all, you were undoubtedly amazed by Pinkie's ability to select tracks that were so solidly on the other side of the Iron Curtain. However, as the music played and you began to bop to the beat, you really couldn’t fault her taste, as they were impeccably good songs.
The upbeat synthesizer music increased in volume, with a clear scream of excitement and energy arising from the screen:
“Come on, let's get groovin', everypony!”
You see Pinkie standing in typical '80s workout clothing: bright yellow leg warmers, aquamarine spandex workout shorts, a bright golden tight v-neck sleeveless workout shirt, a headband, and, of course, striped fitness wristbands. The studio around her looked like a typical fitness studio, equipped with wooden floors, stretching bars, and a few stacked workout mats in the background.
"Hey there, party people! That’s right, it’s your favorite (and best) pony, Pinkie Pie, comin' at ya live from Ponyville with a workout that's gonna make you feel like the raddest, coolest, baddest aerobics star of the '80s! So grab your leg warmers, slap on a bright neon headband, and let's get this party started! Remember, it's all about fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN, so keep those smiles big & bright!"
Well, this was unexpected; you never thought you would see any MLP media oriented so directly at a viewer, much less one that had instructions.
“But don’t be so shy,” Pinkie added, “I see you, yes, YOU! I see you there sitting at your computer. And you TOO, yeah, that’s right, the one on their phone right now, why don’t you spend just a little bit of time with the absolute funnest member of the Pie family?! It’s always good to get the blood flowing and one's hooves a-stomping! After all, when you work around cakes and enjoy sweets as much as I do, you have to work up a storm to burn all those calories!!!!”
You were a bit skeptical to begin with; it seemed like it would be some sort of simple exercise regimen for kids. After thinking it over though, you thought about how long you had been sitting behind your computer screen… Maybe a bit of movement would do you good! You push back from your desk, move aside your computer chair, and instinctively stretch your spine a bit.
"First things first, I think we should start off with some warm-up wiggles! They’re my favorite warm-up! We gotta get those muscles nice and warm, just like the oven when I'm baking cupcakes! Stand up tall, that’s it, TALLER! Stretch out your back, spread those hooves, and let's start with some easy peasy side-to-side wiggles. Ready? And wiggle left, wiggle right, wiggle left, wiggle right! Feel that groove? Now bend at the hip, lean over to one side… good! Now the other! Repeat this a few times, awesome!! Great work. Oh yeah, we're just gettin' started!"
You do as she says and follow along with her movement on the screen. Feeling looser and encouraged by her smile and pep, you continue on.
"Okay, ponies, it's time to jump, jump, JUMP! As high as you can! It’s even better if you bring your knees up when you jump to get a better range of motion and some extra intensity with every jump, just like your pal Pinkie here! Pretend you're bouncing on a trampoline made of jellybeans (the best 'legume' ever made, haha)! Good, do that 10 times!... Great job! Now let’s do some jumping jack-style jumps; I like to call these here Mare Jumps! Start with your hooves together and jump out wide, then jump back in. Let's go for 20! And 1, 2, 3, 4, keep it going, 5, 6, 7, 8, looking great, 9, 10, halfway there, 11, 12, 13, 14, almost done, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, and 20! Whew, feel that energy!"
You were definitely starting to feel it now! The first beads of sweat were beginning to form on your neck as you felt your heartbeat speeding up with every jump. You put your hands on your hips, waiting for the next set of exercises.
"Now let's stretch it out like a rainbow after a rainstorm! I’m sure my BFF Rainbow Dash can tell you all about that… hmm maybe I’ll get her in the studio for the next exercise tape. Anyway, reach up high to the sky, then bend down and try to touch those tippy-tippy hooves. Can you feel the stretch? Feels good, doesn't it? Hold it for 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and pop back up! Now, let's stretch to the sides! Reach your right hoof over your head and stretch to the left, hold for 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and switch! Left hoof over and stretch to the right, hold for 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! Fantastic!"
Although not expecting more stretches after the first round of aerobic exercise, the extra interim between more intense movement with a bit of stretching was surprisingly comfortable and seemed to be easier on the body.
"Time to get those legs moving with some high-energy hoof lifts! Lift your right knee up to your chest and give it a big hug, after all, who doesn’t love HUGS! Great! Now switch to the left knee. We're gonna do 10 on each side. Ready, set, go! 1, 2, 3, 4, keep smiling, 5, 6, 7, 8, almost there, 9, 10! Now let's add a little bounce! Lift and bounce, lift and bounce! Keep it light and bouncy, like you're hopping to your favorite tune!"
Even though you were pretty sure that Pinkie Pie couldn’t see you, you definitely couldn’t lie to yourself. The tunes were pretty rad!
"Whoohooo, you're doing awesome! Let's keep that momentum with some pony power squats. Feet shoulder-width apart, lower your body like you're sitting in an invisible chair, then pop back up with a little hop! Make that pop back up nice and intense, like the cork popping out of a bottle! That’s the energy we want here! We'll do 15 of these bad boys. And squat, hop! Squat, hop! That's 2, keep it going, 3, 4, feel the burn, 5, 6, 7, 8, you got this, 9, 10, almost there, 11, 12, 13, 14, and 15! Great job!"
You could definitely feel the burn in your legs now, as Pinkie kept up a pretty fast pace for her workout at what felt like at least 100 beats per minute. Almost perfectly on cue, the peppy workout leader added:
“And don’t worry if you feel the burn now; that’s how you know it's working!”
Wow, it’s like she was reading your mind!
"Let's add some twists to work those obliques! Stand with your hooves apart, arms out to the sides, and twist your upper body left and right like you're wringing out a towel. Twist left, twist right, keep it nice and smooth, like peanut butter. I love peanut butter; it’s the best part of a PB&J; also, keep those movements nice and tight! We'll do 20 of these. Ready? Go! 1, 2, 3, 4, twist it out, 5, 6, 7, 8, feel the rhythm, 9, 10, halfway there, 11, 12, 13, 14, almost done, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20! Woohoo, you're a lean, mean twisting machine!"
As you stood there, feeling definitely more energized and unusually refreshed, you thought about how well this workout was going.
"Alright, everypony, it's time to cool down and give those muscles some much-needed love. Always remember to give yourself some time for good ol’ TLC after a workout like this! Stand tall, take a deep breath in, and reach for the sky. Exhale and fold forward, letting everything hang loose. Sway gently side to side, then roll up nice and slowly. Let's do some shoulder rolls to finish off—roll them forward, and roll them back. And now, for the best part, give yourself a big hug and a round of applause! You did an amazing job today!"
Taking in how well things went and how cool it was to see Pinkie in her element, you knew that you would be back again for a nice, refreshing workout very soon!
"Remember, every workout is a party and who better to help out with a party than your friend Pinkie! So keep moving, keep grooving, and most importantly, keep smiling! Until next time, this is Pinkie Pie signing off with a great big 'you're totally awesome!' Don’t forget that!!! Bye-bye, everypony!"
