She is a general alright.
"Okay, but... what are you the general of, exactly?"
"Oh, come on, rookie. I've told you like three times now. I am the general of nothing."
"But you can't be the general of nothing, because you are always doing something."
"Listen, let me prove my point. I want you to go outside my door, just stand there, and do NOTHING."
"But—"
"Listen to your commanding officer!"
"Okay, fine."
...
"Let's see how he's faring."
"Do you understand now, Mr. Flash?"
"No, I do not. I'm just standing out here doing noth—"
"SEE!"
"No, no, no. Like, what's the point of this branch anyway—"
"HOW DARE YOU ASK SUCH A STUPID QUESTION! I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW, ROOKIE, THAT THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT BRANCH OF THE GUARD."
"W-what! How is doing nothing so important that Celestia funds your branch?"
"Let me break it down for you, Flash."
"Oh... she's actually breaking it down. Impressive moves, Ms. Shimmer, but—"
"GENERAL SHIMMER!"
"Okay... uh... sorry."
"Now to my actual point. We need this branch because other guards, well, they just need a break sometimes, and I provide that."
"So your whole job is to be what? A living break room? A therapist?"
"Nah, sometimes ponies need to be left alone for their own reasons, so I tell them to go to a place and just relax there."
"How do you even know if this is effective?"
"I did it to you, and you said you were doing—"
"I MEAN LIKE STATISTICS, NOT JUST ME!"
"You better watch who you raise your voice to. I let it slide the first time, but you're starting to tread on thin ice."
"You know you can be menacing sometimes, right?"
"I know~"
"Now just wait outside here, let me get something."
...
"Okay, I'm back. Look at this paper."
"600 PERCENT INCREASE IN GUARD MORALE!"
"Yup."
"But I... this just..."
"It seems like the method I made you do earlier did not quite work. You are still stressed about this whole situation. So, it seems like I will have to use more... extreme measures."
"Wait, what?"
"Take my hoof."
"Why?"
"I SAID TO TAKE IT!"
"Okay, okay, damn."
"What in Tartarus is this? It's just a hole in a mountain."
"Ah, but it's where the hole leads, my friend. Also, LANGUAGE! Now follow."
"I don't know, this feels like a trap. You aren't going to kill me, are you?"
"Aw, how did you figure it out?"
"WAIT, WHAT!"
"HAHAHA! No, I'm just messing with you. Now hurry up."
...
"How much farther? I feel like we've been walking for ages."
"Could you just relax, please? I don't need that energy when we get down there."
"And we're close anyway, just a little further—"
"Ah, there it is."
"Whoa! This place is amazing. Just look at the waterfall."
"Yep. This is my personal space I come to now and then. Just to... get away from everything. You should feel lucky. I rarely show it to anyone else."
"Thank you. I guess."
"Now come sit on this bench. I want you to stop being so stressed about life and just relax and be with your thoughts as you hear the nice waves crashing against each other."
"Okay, 'just relax,' she says."
Oh my Celestia, she is right. This is so nice. I have never felt so... calm before. Wow, I feel like I could fall asleep—
"What the—"
"Hello, my little ponies."
"P-princess."
"No need to bow, Flash Sentry. Sit back down."
"Oh, okay."
"Are you okay, Princess?"
"Tired. I just need a break. And some cake."
"I HEARD CAKE!"
"And a good afternoon to you too, Sun—"
"Celestia, give me cake now!"
"No."
"What do you mean, no? You have a whole cake right there and you're not going to share?"
"Yup."
"Pretty please~"
"Erm, no."
"CELESTIA!"
"MS. SHIMMER!"
"Tia..."
"Sunset..."
"Give me a slice now!"
"AAAAAA, NO! STAY AWAY, YOU CAKE DEMON."
"IF ANYTHING, YOU ARE THE DEMON HERE. YOU EAT SO MUCH CAKE IT GOES TO YOUR FLANKS!"
"OH NO YOU DIDN'T. TAKE THAT BACK!"
"I WILL NOT TAKE BACK ANYTHING UNTIL THERE IS CAKE IN MY MOUTH!"
"NEVER!"
"Great, now the peace is being disturbed."
I need to get away from it. Ah, the water. A small dip in the water couldn't hurt.
Although taking off all the armor is going to be a hassle. Do I really want to take the time to do all that?
"WHY ARE YOU SO PERSISTENT!"
"I ALWAYS GET WHAT I WANT!"
Definitely.
...
"Finally, the water."
It's so nice and calm. Not even that cold, too. When was the last time I got a day to myself? I don't even know. I think I really need this today. Best part is, I can't even hear those two bickering.
...
"LET GO! RELEASE YOUR GRIP!"
"NO, RELEASE YOURS THIS INSTANT."
"WHY ARE YOU SO STRONG?"
"JUST LET ME GET A SLICE!"
"NO, GO GET YOUR OWN CAKE!"
"I DON'T HAVE CAKE BITS!"
"THAT SEEMS LIKE A SKILL ISSUE!"
"LOOK, I AM NOT PLAYING THESE GAMES!"
"FAUST DAMN IT!"
"No, Sunset, you destroyed the cake."
"Nuh-uh."
"CURSE YOU, SUNSET SHIMMER THE GENERAL!"
"Lol, are we done here, Tia?"
"Yeah, that was fun. Finally got my mind off all my duties. I needed that. Now let's go get another cake."
"OOOH, let's get a carrot cake."
"No, chocolate."
"Ew, chocolate is nasty."
"Such heresy, and in front of me as well! I should have thee hanged for this."
"Nah, I would overthrow."
"I would love to see you try."
"Anyway, vanilla?"
"I could go for a vanilla cake."
"Before we go, what about Flash over there?"
"Eh, he can find his way back. Hey, Flash!"
"WHAT?!"
"We are leaving now. Can you find your way back?"
"Umm, no, I don't even know where we are to be honest."
"Oh, don't worry. We are in the Everfree Forest. You will find your way back easily I know it."
"WAIT THE EVERFREE!—"
"And they're gone just like that."
"Fantastic."
