The Blueblood Incident

by Udahyas

Rating: teen
Tags: Prince Blueblood, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 1456

A comedic oneshot of the ponies deciding to attack Blueblood discusses their plan. On the phone.

Written for this contest

Recently, during Prince Blueblood's trip to Manehattan, he was completely attacked. All investigators were able to get was a recording of a phone call between the perpetrators of the crime and a made-up couple seconds before it began. Based on the conversation, the following information about the perpetrators was obtained:

“The leader” is the organizer and overseer of the entire operation. Very lazy, very impulsive to loud noises, greedy. It's impossible to determine.

“Pizza foal” is a pizzeria worker, presumably in his late teens. Responsible for phone service within the operation. Not proactive, quiet, modest, rarely participated in dialog.

“Fanatic” is the one who attacked the prince. Based on recorded conversation, extremely fanatical about serving the night. Whatever it is. Cold, calm, and confident. Of all the participants, he was the one who had the most dislike for the prince.

Published 2024-05-28 18:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-05-28 18:10:01 UTC

Telephone record

“Today is a momentous day. Prince Blueblood will make his first public appearance in a long time and give a speech at Manehattan! I turn the floor over, to my colleague from the scene.”

“Thank you very much. So, as you can see. . .”

When did I have time to turn on the TV?

“Oh, never mind. Time to make a business call.”

“Blueblood is so cool and handsome, the best prince ever.“

“Oh, shut up. I don't need to get sympathy. Then I won't have any enemies left! And no money.”

Speaking of money. I'm very poor. All I have is a disk phone. Who invented them, anyway? Like, how would I dial a number without a horn?

“Hello, this is a pizza place called, uh, whatever. You know where you're calling. What's your order?“

“I want to order a pizza for a friend of mine.”

.

.

.

“I can't figure out who to end the pizza or the prince.”

“The prince!”

OUCH!

“Lubricate the rifle, please! My ear almost blew out when you pulled the bolt. Why did you even do that!?”

“Because I'm annoyed by your talking box in the background. Turn it off.”

“Hey, I'm in charge here!”

“Can you please stop arguing? You're literally screaming in my ear.”

“Don't whine, pizza foal.”

I totally agree. His job is to hold the phone while I talk. He actually has to put up with the yelling in his ear.

"I agree with this fanatic. Don't whine."

"Uhh. Can we please get down to business? I'm already starting to regret taking part in all this."

"Yes, pizza foal is right, stop stalling! Let's get started faster, let's get this fool over with."

It's good that one of the participants hates Blueblood so much that I won't have to share the reward with him. And the pizza foal won't require too much for himself.

"Well, you know, cough, we discussed all the plans in advance. And it's not worth discussing anything over the phone."

"No, no, let everyone know what awaits this vile prince."

"Uh, that sounds kind of dangerous. I just need money to pay for the university, I don't want to go to jail."

"You don't understand, pizza foal. THEY MUST KNOW FEAR!"

OUCH!

"Stop making loud noises when I'm talking to you on the phone!"

"Oh, the talking box is finally quiet! What were you saying there?"

"Uh, I was a little angry. And threw the phone at the TV."

"What? I can't hear you very well! Were you attacked inside that weird thing with the wheel? Do you need help?"

He's so dump, damn. His stupidity is as great as my reluctance to get up from the chair.

"Can you please not shout into the phone? My ear is ringing."

"Oh, okay. My anger is needed to punish the enemies of the night. It's better to keep it for now."

"Guys, congratulate me. I forced myself to get up from the chair and go to the phone!"

"Oh, that's good, I guess. You did well."

"Just so you know, laziness is a sin. The night is unhappy with you."

I'm afraid, I'm afraid.

"Okay, where were we?"

"You have to repeat our plan."

"Oh, yes, I remembered! I need you to repeat our plan! In short, there are three steps in the plan. Step one is to find the rifle."

"It's done!"

AH!

"Ooh, I think I'm deaf."

"Do you see what you've brought the poor colt to? You can't twist the shutter right in front of another pony's ear!"

"The punishment of the infidels is expensive. What's the second step?"

"You. . . Aah, okay. The second step is that you need to see the prince."

.

.

.

"It was obvious. What's the third step?"

Oh, I thought he was going to pull some kind of noisy stunt again. Well, I guess I should have more faith in ponies.

"The third step is to shoot the prince. Preferably in the head. Be as accurate as possible, the rifle has only one charge. I don't have enough money to buy more bullets. "

" But do you have money for a talking box? "

" I've heard that such jokes are so expensive that the princess herself can't afford one. "

" Anyway, the TV is broken. And anyway, we're getting off topic! Find the prince and shoot him! "

" With pleasure. Over."

Hey, hold your horses!

"Not so fast! I have to supervise you and make sure that everything is done correctly. After all, I'm the one in charge."

"Wait, how am I supposed to shoot the prince if I can't get far away?"

"Yes, the phone wire is not endless. And I don't want to be fired from the pizzeria because it breaks."

Uh, well, uh, yeah. Yeah.

"Just open the window and wait for the prince to pass by. Did you see the prince? Then do your favorite CLACK, then immediately BOOM, BANG and the final SMACK will begin!"

"How did you do that with your mouth?"

"What have I done?"

"Well, the sounds. Uh, it doesn't matter. I have a suspicion that you are a heretic, but I am not ready to deal with it. Rejoice before the night punishes you. "

" It sounds scary. And my ear really hurts. I don't think I can afford the treatment. All the money will go to the university. "

Stop whining, pizza foal!

"Okay, is there a window here?"

"There is a window for customers on the carriages."

"What a blatant encouragement of laziness and gluttony. The final fall of Equestria under the weight of its sins is absolutely inevitable."

"Please stop. It's not cool at all. And you're scaring the kid."

"Yeah."

I love this foal. He demands a tiny fraction of the reward and rarely speaks.

"Hey, has anyone there? I need to place an order. My guards really want peasant food."

"Of course, please announce your order."

"Wait, did I hear that?"

"Prince!"

Either one of my ears is deaf or I'm already used to his loud shutter twitching.

"Uh, we need a plan. Uh, it's a tough task. Oh, I've got it! Let the pizza foal take the order and then, when the prince drives up to the window, shoot him!"

"I'd rather go outside and shoot him right now."

"So, should I take the order? And pretend that the client couldn't hear us?"

"Yes!"

"Absolutely, pizza foal!"

At least we could all agree on something. It happened thanks to my leadership and diplomatic skills. Yeah.

"So, three big royal pizzas, got it. Please drive your carriage to the payment window."

"Rrr, why does a unicorn of my status have to pay for anything at all?"

"Fanatic, are you ready? Uh, and don't pull the shutter when you answer!"

"Uh, okay. Just keep quiet and let me do justice."

Not that I mind. In order for the task to be considered completed and I get the money, the public just needs to find out what happened. And in the case of the prince, he will tell everyone everything himself.

"Hold the bag of bits, aphid. That should be enough for three pizzas. If there is anything superfluous, give me back every last coin."

"Uh, actually, Prince, I can tell by the weight that there's not enough here, even for one pizza."

"WHAT!?"

"The big royal pizza, like, has prices that match the royal ones. Something like that. In any case, you need to give more money."

Where are the sounds of gunfire!?

"Fanatic, stop standing like a statue, shoot, SHOOT!"

"I'm sorry, I was thinking about the commandments. Die, you filthy heretic!"

BANG

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.

.

"My eyes! And my beautiful fur! They're in some kind of slush! Who dared to commit such a malicious act against the royal person!?"

"Hmm? Why are you still alive?"

"What do you mean, why? I bought a paintball rifle. There was not enough money for a normal one. Did you, like, REALLY want to kill the prince? "

" Aren't you!? "

" Hey, the point of the order was to embarrass the prince. I think it's very embarrassing. The task is completed, the money is received. "

" You're a liar! Moreover, you stole the great victory of the night from the whole world! I'll spend the rest of my life trying to find you. I'll find you. You'll never sleep again. The night won't help you. I'm coming for you. . ."

" Uh, I don't like it when people are aggressive. I'm hanging up, I hope I'll never see you again!"

Who's doing well? I'm doing well.