“I am glad you actually showed up on time today, Lucky Coin.”

Pshh, late? Moi? Mrs. Amphora, consider me shocked and appalled! I’ve already been a bit tardy with my presence for last week’s meeting; getting a second dose of cold-hearted scolding was simply not part of my vocabulary. So here I was, yet again, in my boss’ office – this time, as punctual as I could be. Eleven in the morning, right on the dot!

Feeling somewhat elevated by her backhoofed compliment, I couldn’t help but give a subtle smirk on my way to her colossal desk. I took a seat in front of it, swearing to myself that this obnoxious monstrosity was a hair’s breadth away from needing its own zip code.

I also noticed that the red portfolio was still there, halfway opened on Rarity’s page. Seems like my boss has been hard at work ever since I showed her “Ms. Generosity’s” finest.

“I will be rather direct, Lucky Coin: We are treading dangerously with a case as contentious as this one. Charging an Element Bearer with a felony is a risky move politically, as it is a controversial topic that may not exactly align with the public opinion. There are certain… mediatic restrictions we must respect if we do not want to be lambasted by journalists and other various agitators who would benefit from our downfall.”

This, I had more or less expected. Perhaps with a little less words, though. Still, I understood the conundrum we currently faced. We had to be smart and play our cards right. Honestly, it was no surprise she had told me to keep this under wraps for the time being.

“So then, how are we going to tackle this one?” I asked. “Should I still go to Ponyville today?”

“Absolutely you should, and you will. Nice suit, by the way.”

Wowie zowie, a second compliment! And a genuine one this time! Was today a bonanza of flattery or what?

“Oh uh, it was the most haut de gamme ensemble I could find in my wardrobe,” I stammered, coughing awkwardly. “T-Thank you for noticing, Mrs. Amphora.”

Her eyes rolled behind her glasses. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

Ah, there ya go; thought I had lost her for a moment.

“But let’s not get sidetracked,” she resumed. “The idea here, Lucky Coin, is that we want to appraise Rarity’s behavior in person. See if she denies the whole thing, or if she comes clean quietly. We want to properly assess where she stands on a criminal level. If she simply accepts the monetary sanction the ERB will impose upon her, then we need not to worry about escalating this fiasco any further. However, should she oppose you, then we’ll need to go back to the drawing board and think about how we’re going to bring down the hammer of justice on her.”

Golly, did I enjoy hearing her talk dirty! Explaining to me how a pony could stand accused and tried, it just brought me so much jubilation. It was my personal version of being told a bedtime story! Picturing in my mind the way a lawbreaking scum could suffer the consequences of their act, brrrr, it was goosebumps inducing, truly. The power we held juxtaposed to a taxpayer’s defenselessness, it made me feel all tingly on the inside, heh.

“I’m up to the task, ma’am,” I said with pride, saluting with my hoof. “I will handle this case with tact and subtlety.”

“Glad to hear it. Your train departs in an hour.”

My ah, m-m-my what now...?

I silently prayed that she didn’t say exactly what I thought she just said.

“You uh... Y-You scheduled a train ride for me?”

“All expenses fully paid by the ERB. Here is your ticket, a budget report I want you to fill up methodically during your sojourn out of town, a roadmap of Ponyville, and, of course, the portfolio with Rarity’s files in it. If you must stay over there for the night, then you have my permission to do so.”

I looked at all the equipment she slid onto the polished countertop of her desk, swallowing dryly. That ticket… That train ticket, it was sticking a figurative tongue out at me, taunting me for the one and only flaw I had the indecency of bearing.

I looked up, giving a sheepish smile. “Couldn’t ah,” I gulped, “couldn’t I t-take a chariot instead?”

Cut to Mrs. Amphora scoffing audibly. “What are you, royalty? No, you’ll take the train like every other commuter. Last thing we want is for the citizens of Ponyville to see your grand arrival in a luxurious chariot. Can you imagine the scandal? They are already adverse to our presence over there, and I’m sure their rowdy mayor riled them up even more. Let’s not pull a gaffe and give them easy headlines, shall we?”

Crud. I wasn’t going to win that one. B-But I mean... trains!

... What? Hey, stop looking at me like that! I didn’t have a fear of trains. I was merely, uh, appropriately cautious of them? Yeah, that’s right: Cautious! Because um, they were dangerous machines, weren’t they? High speed machines that could derail at a moment’s notice. I mean, I was just being rational here. If you stopped and looked at the facts, you could easily see that so much wrong could happen with these metallic abominations, and- Oh sweet Celestia, I was totally going to die in there today!

...

Err, s-sorry about that. Heh. Just got a little... yeah.

Cough. Now, now! Let’s settle down. There was nothing to be afraid of. I was Lucky Coin, consarn it! And Lucky Coin, he was above harboring silly phobias. I had no weaknesses, capiche!?

So yeah. Let’s never speak of that little incident ever again.

Instead, we really ought to put our attention back to my boss and how she stood up, going to her collection of diplomas again. She tilted the same frame she strengthened yesterday evening. Bit idiosyncratic, innit? I dunno why I noticed that same “Putting Back my Accounting PhD in Place” routine, but here we are. Point is, she should probably invest in tougher nails.

“Onto the next order of business,” she said, regaining her seat. “Project Chameleon. How well-versed are you with it?”

Oof. In truth? Not as much as I would like to. But I sure as hay couldn’t tell her that, because that there was a loser’s answer, and a loser I wasn’t. I had to always be one step ahead!

“Well, I have discussed a fair bit with the managers associated with this project over the course of last week, and we have scheduled numerous meetings, during which I-”

“How well-versed?” she sternly insisted.

Cripes, busted! My tactical filibuster didn’t pay off!

“... Little to nothing,” I eventually admitted.

She sighed, which was a big stab in the heart for a worker of my caliber.

“Alright, no matter,” she conceded. “Here’s what you need to know: Dev Co is a R&D company specializing in the development of various large-scale infrastructure all across Equestria. They are one of our strongest allies, and I cannot overstate how important of an asset they are for us. They’ve scratched our withers in the past before, as we have done with theirs.

“Recently, Dev Co has initiated Project Chameleon, a multilayered development for which we will play an important role. They’ve kindly asked for our assistance, and we will deliver it in a timely fashion. That way, we'll be in a good position to secure even more favors with them.”

I nodded, letting all of this information sink in.

“I heard that Smith and Jones had a meeting with Dev Co representatives last week on the matter,” I recalled.

“Indeed. And this is why your bumbling coworkers have been absent lately. They were dispatched to Manehatten last Friday to oversee the installation phase of new devices patented by Dev Co within the scope of Project Chameleon. And you will do the same, but with Ponyville instead.”

Oh? Well, I wasn’t affiliated with Dev Co affairs at all, and this project was nothing but foreign to me, but sure, whatever. Any day was a good way to run errands for my exemplary and virtuous boss!

“Luckily, Dev Co's headquarters are located at the halfway point between Ponyville and Canterlot, so you will kill two hippogriffs with one stone and make a stop there.

“I took the liberty yesterday evening of booking an appointment with Dev Co on your behalf. You will thus meet with a certain Ms. Lexi Lumen. She will give you further instructions once you arrive. Here’s her card alongside the directives I’ve just given you in written format.”

As if I wasn’t overloaded with travel documents already, Mrs. Amphora added to the pile a business card, a second map, and a few pages held between a large binder clip. I took a good gander at the small laminated rectangle; more precisely, to the picture drawn on it.

Well, Lexi Lumen was a unicorn alright, just like yours truly. She had a pale, yellow maize coat, and sported a straight hazel brown mane. Not unlike my boss, her eyes were protected by rounded reading glasses. I could also see the collar of a lab coat. Sweet. To me, work uniforms portrayed a certain level of professionalism. I mean, I should know, right?

Also, it said here that she was of my age, that she had been working for Dev Co for as long as I have with the Bureau, and that she held a senior mechanical engineer title with a specialization in systems coordination. I didn’t know what sort of “systems” it meant, but what the hay, I could learn.

Still, t’was interesting to scrutinize the credentials of a young specialist on a teeny tiny card. I had nothing but praise to give to a hard worker who contributed to the elevation of Equestria toward a brighter future. Developing technologies to give us the edge? Yes please.

Heh. Engineers and accountants: The truest of all task forces in any given kingdom!

“Make sure to give a thorough read to the directives I’ve given you,” Mrs. Amphora specified, tapping her hoof on the pile of paper in question. “Dev Co and the Equestrian Revenue Bureau may be collaborating business partners, but there’s a certain... dissociation with want to honor between them and us.”

She winked, implying that I had to still my tongue and keep this arrangement quiet.

Once again, I found myself having to follow special instructions that stemmed from a place of secrecy. This wasn’t too dissimilar from her unusual desire to have agents report to me about Ponyville problems instead of going directly to her. Or how about her stern warnings about not hinting anything related to the Rarity case publicly? And oh! The contracts? Can we take a moment to reminisce about the menacing contracts I had to sign last week?

This was all so... I dunno. Cryptic? As if we were treading on eggshells and were desperately trying to hide something. Well, lemme tell you, her lack of transparency was seriously starting to give me the heebie-jeebies.

But I digress.

What did I know, really? I didn’t have access to top level stuff, and maybe there was more than met the eye. It wasn’t my place to question anything, and I was quite content to function on a “need to know” basis. After all, this was a primary quality that helped me earn my promotion, wasn’t it?

This is why, instead of bombarding my overworked boss with petty questions, I simply nodded in comprehension like a good little soldier, gathered all relevant documentation, and focused on the task at hoof.

And err... I guess I had to prepare myself mentally a lil’ bit, here.

Because the next step involved boarding a train, and... gulp... t-this certainly was a, um, a non-negligeable obstacle, h-heh…

...

No.

No, it’ll be fine.

Everything will be fine. Just you watch.

AuUuuuUUUuughhh...

Yeah, no, everything was NOT fine. I was queasy, shaky, and clutching my seat like we were on the verge of ramming into a wall at Sonic Rainboom speeds! This was pretty much the polar opposite of feeling fine!

I had taken the backmost spot I could find. Other travellers didn’t seem to mind me much at the start, but five minutes after the engineer had blown the horn, my hyperventilation made itself known. A few heads turned to look at my panicked form, but I couldn’t in good conscience pay them any mind for the time being. I think I’ve been asked a couple of times if I was doing okay, but no clear answer came out of my quivering lips.

For you see, I had been too busy trying not to die. In fact, I was STILL trying to do just that. Lying to myself that these weren’t my last moments. That there would be a point in the future where I’d look back at my irrational reaction and laugh it up. That I’ll go to bed and sleep like an angel tonight.

But the more this rectangle of doom sped up, the more it became obvious that this was the end.

Why was everypony else so effin’ calm!? So serene, so blissfully ignorant! Couldn’t they see the danger we were in? This railway had only one destination, and it was our graves! Was I the only one who understood what happened when too much kinetic force mangled with the structural integrity of a pony’s bones?

When we entered the tunnel into the mountain and began spiralling down to a lower altitude, this is where I was at my worst. I nearly hurled right there and then, seasick from the motion and the stress.

This kept going for a literal eternity. This ride to Tartarus wouldn’t end- it would never end! Trapped into a claustrophobic death box, unable to save my own skin.

I couldn’t... I had to...Oh please make this end, I... Unghhh... I was about to-

“We have now arrived at the Saddle Lake station!” shouted the conductor in the wagon. “Commuters have five minutes to board off!”

... Oh.

I didn’t uh, I didn’t realize we had stopped moving. H-Haha. Whoopsie-daisy.

I exited the cart, ERB saddlebag strapped on. As I swiped away the sweat from my brow and tried to control my breathing, I noticed that I was the only one present on the platform. When the train departed, it confirmed that yes, nopony else had followed me. So I trotted off, doing a polite nod at the station attendee who seemed bored out of her mind.

I followed the main path, making sure I was heading in the right direction. The map Mrs. Amphora had given me was pretty clear; only a blind pony would’ve gotten lost – and even then, that was a stretch.

Gotta admit, I was staggering a bit, still in shock from the emotion. I had so much trouble regaining my composure, no matter how much I told myself that this hellish carnival ride was over.

Erm. Gotta distract myself, I s’pose. The scenery then? Yes yes, let’s talk about that scenery, right? I hadn’t stepped hoof in the countryside for a really long time, so it was a tad disorienting. I was a city boy first and foremost, so, ah...

...

What? Why are y’all looking at me like I’m willingly dodging the hydra in the room?

Sigh... You want the truth? You want me to be honest and unbiased? Fine!

Yes, yes, you’ve got me good: I had a deep fear of trains. So sue me! I was also smart, charismatic, financially blessed, and pretty dang good looking. Did we forget about that? So what if I bore this one microscopic, barely noticeable flaw? I was perfect in every other way! Don’t even pretend that erring on the side of caution vis-à-vis train rides invalidated the exemplary stallion that I was!

Hrmmfff.

It’s not like I didn’t have a good reason to stay vigilant anyway...

So yeah, as I was saying: The countryside.

This location wasn’t too far away from the piedmont of Canterlot’s mountain. It was populated by knolly meadows, lush deciduous trees, and hey- the lake itself. Good ol’ Saddle lake. With its crystalline water, its inviting littoral zones, and its rich floral diversity. I swerved around it, the path doing this cute little touristic tour, trying really hard to showcase the natural beauty of Equestria.

Paired with the birds and cicadas singing, the puffy clouds passing onto the piercing blue sky, and the grass softly undulating under the warm Summer breeze... It all made for one picturesque day. Know how this made me feel?

Totally indifferent.

It’s like I said: I was an urban prowler first and foremost. Pwetty landscapes did very little for me. In fact, I was so disinterested by this overload of verdure that I instead took this as an opportunity to further read Mrs. Amphora’s directives. I had planned to study them during the train ride, but... you know.

Well, tell you what. If you thought I was already on a short leash with this impromptu Dev Co detour, then these papers only made everything feel more constrained.

Indeed, they made it quite clear that I only had the clearance to meet with my appointed contact, Ms. Lexi Lumen, and nopony else. It systematically forbade me to get involved with any other personnel, threatening me with heavy sanctions if I ever stepped out of line. It even specified in bold text that I wasn’t authorized, under any circumstances, to get anywhere close to their CEO.

Heck, as if this wasn’t enough, the instructions also added that, if asked, it was my solemn duty to falsely claim that the devices I had to retrieve were actually the propriety of the ERB, and say nothing of Dev Co and Project Chameleon.

Why? What was the point of engineering stuff if you weren’t going to claim ownership for your ideas? Like sheesh, was I tasked to carry contraband, or what? Is that why their CEO preferred to remain so secretive and so distant from us?

Stop, STOP! I was doing it again!

Doubting.

Don’t question it, Coiny. Do what you were told to do, and leave it at that. Just the way you always have.

I floated the documents back into my saddlebag via magic, and looked up to see that the path had now taken me into a forested area. Huh. Explains why I had to squint to see the text properly by the end of my lecture. Yeah, thanks for the shadow, trees! Doing a really good job at being absolutely inconvenient!

Oh, and while I’m at it, thanks for the swarms of mosquitoes too! ... Eh, I suppose the proximity to the lake made this biome a paradise for those blood-sucking parasites. Being cradled by brick and pavement for so long, I had forgotten all about the annoying laws of nature.

Gradually, the forest petered out, the trees thankfully becoming rarer and rarer. In their stead, the path (which had bifurcated a few times before) led me to a hilly terrain, with the aforementioned forest bordering the area like a leafy crown. In the middle of the clearing, a large brutalist compound had been built.

Without the shadow of a doubt, this was Dev Co’s center of operations.

The chain-link palisade around the facility was a dead giveaway – not to mention the barbed wire on top of it. Oh, and the large sign spelling “Dev Co” bolted on the facade sort of sold the punch too, heh.

The first hurdle I encountered was the red and white striped barrier blocking the path; surely operated by a gatekeeper from the small, adjacent entry boot. Personally, I didn’t think they were overdoing it with this myriad of security measures. Industrial espionage was a cruel mistress, and a little bit of paranoia never hurt anypony.

As I continued moving forward, a pegasus guardian came out of the boot. Under that company-issued Dev Co hat, I could see two alerted eyes that had already spotted me from this far away. She looked to be a bit defensive, which was a-okay in my book. Didn’t have any qualms with her wariness. I mean, catching intruders was kind of the whole point of her job, was it not? Something our squad of donut munchers back at the ERB had yet to learn.

Anyhow. The guardian flagged me to approach her, and surely enough, that’s what I did.

“Your Dev Co identification badge, please,” she flatly stated as soon as I became in conversation range.

“Oh, uh, I don’t work here, ma’am,” I replied somewhat awkwardly. “My name is Lucky Coin, and I’m an Equestrian Revenue Bureau agent. I have an appointment with Lexi Lumen at 1PM.”

“That so?”

Well, with that cocked eyebrow and robust tone, I could feel her sense of doubt permeating the air. The guardian went back into her itsy bitsy cabin, and re-emerged with a pad. She flipped a couple of papers, and nodded.

“Ok, this checks out. Do you have any form of identification on you? Preferably with a photo.”

“As a matter of fact, I do.”

I gave her my ERB insignia. She looked at it, then to me, then back to it, then back to me. I even lifted my sunnies so she’d have a good view of my gorgeous profile, smiling like a total smuglord. Eventually, she stopped playing “spot the difference,” gave back what was mine, and pressed a button wedged on the side of her desk.

Ensued an angry noise that made me jolt. I felt kind of goofy when I realized that it was merely the barrier rotating upward, granting me access to the enclosed land. Mechanically powered doohickey, I take? You didn’t see that all too often in Equestria. But I guess in a nest full of skilled engineers, I couldn’t fault them for wanting to show off a little.

“You may proceed,” said the pegasus. “From the lobby, go to your left, then take a right at the first fork. This’ll be the waiting room. The receptionist will call your name. Do not venture anywhere else, or you will be escorted out and blacklisted from our site. Consider this your only warning.”

You know, a ‘have a good day’ would go a long way. My my, what has happened to common courtesy, I ask you?

Bah, no matter. I crossed the entry threshold of the compound, ready and confident. There were a few cobbled paths going here and there, but I kept to the larger one, which stretched further in a straight line. I saw a set of double doors about half a hundred meters away or so, which served as the main entry point of the establishment. But before getting there, let us talk about the statues. Because there were statues. Two rows of statues, one on each side of the road.

Unusual, yet intriguing landscaping choice. Looks like they commemorated their most competent workers by erecting bronze effigies in their honour. Well hey, that was pretty nifty! Wish I too had an immobile eight foot tall doppelgänger in front of the ERB. Maybe we should start taking notes here?

The last statue – AKA the closest one to the building – was the biggest and most imposing one. Curiously enough, this one depicted a hammer superposed on a cog, which I think was a representation of their logo? Regardless, this one definitely caught my attention, because it was the only non-pony statue amongst its brethren. Made me wonder why they suddenly decided to break the symmetry.

Maybe the golden ensign engraved on its base would shed some light on this little mystery? Mm’yes, let’s see here…

“True harmony can only be achieved by the ingenuity of those who are willing to build for it.”

– Crackerjack, CEO and founder of Dev Co

Huh.

Well that was... an interesting quote. Only thing weirder than it was the name of the pony who had said it. Crackerjack. Heh. Someone’s parents sure felt creative on the day of their birth.

In any case, wasn’t it a tad strange that the founder had preferred to have their proverb slapped under the company logo instead of having, oh, I dunno, a freakin’ statue of their own too?

Misplaced shyness? Lack of funds? Poor executive decision? Or perhaps this Crackerjack fellow simply bore a face that matched the non-conformity of their name? Could it be the reason why Mrs. Amphora wanted me to keep my distance from this hermit? The theories ran wild in my mind.

But enough about that. As much as I could appreciate a good art piece, there was a time and place to play the admiration game. What would my boss say if she saw me slacking off on company time? “Clean your desk and pack your stuff,” that’s what. The perfect mental reprimand to put my concentration back where it belonged.

And so, after many delays and distractions, I finally made my way in.

The entry hall was very much what I had expected out of a big enterprise. It was large and inviting, leaving plenty of breathing air for ponies to unwind and chit-chat during break hours. Also, if the outside looked sterile and perhaps a bit intimidating, then by contrast, the architecture of the interior was a lot more kooky and imaginative.

My look panned from left to right, taking all of this new environment in. I saw many corridors branching off this main room, like little spider legs attached to the main body. There were also benches, dracaenas, windowless doors, cylindrical columns, and a whole bunch of other stuff.

However, the more I looked around, the more something struck me as odd. A not-all-too-negligeable detail that hadn’t escaped my acute sense of perception.

I was talking about the unusually low number of workers roaming around this spacious area. Yeah. With this much floor space available? It certainly highlighted how eerily deserted the lobby truly was. Only a few souls were present, and they mostly kept to themselves – during lunch time, no less!

Maybe everypony had conglomerated in the cafeteria? Assuming there even was a cafeteria to begin with. I mean, there probably was? Too bad I had no agency to find out.

Discarding the silence and lifelessness of my surroundings, I resumed my foray into Dev Co territory and went left, then right. Just as I had been told.

Now, I could tell all about my epic adventure in the waiting room, but truth was, hardly anything happened in there. How interesting can you make waiting for your number to be called, realistically? I guess the cushion I had claimed was decently comfy. Treated my rump like a king. Moreover, the magazines I busied myself with spoke of more economic tribulations attributed to the changeling invasion of Canterlot. Same old, same old.

Feeling positively enthralled yet? ... No? Well good, because eventually, I was escorted to room 105. The little placard next to the door read “Lexi Lumen,” bringing me one step closer to my goal. I nodded out of politeness at the usher, knocked, and waited for a response. When a lady hollered on the other side, I promptly went in.

Okay, so first of all, how cool was it that my contact had an office of her own? Just like this stallion! What good was cubicle life for other than cramping our style? Shared workspaces were soooo below us!

Sadly, this is where the similarities stopped. Because whereas my office was warm and cozy, walled by wood and furnished by shelves full of paper and various bureaucratic tools, hers, on the other hoof, was metallic, cold, and rather empty. Not the most appealing room to spend your days in if you asked me.

Even the magical fires! My room was lit by a soothing orange glaze, as opposed to the bright white palette chosen here, which, to me, was nothing but irritating. How Lexi Lumen could’ve found any form of serenity in this soulless environment was a riddle for the ages.

Creative differences, I suppose.

“Take a seat, please,” said a tired voice behind a typewriter.

So far, all I heard after the initial ‘come in’ of my hostess was the ‘tik tik tik’ of her typing. I dunno what sort of novel she was in the middle of writing, but it sure had sucked all of her attention, to the point that she hadn’t even lifted her head to acknowledge my grand entry.

Until she did.

And uh, yikes.

The unicorn before me had nothing to do with the ambitious engineer on the business card Mrs. Amphora had given me this morning. No, what we had here was the physical representation of being beaten down by life, after it stole your wallet and made out with your wife.

Those baggy eyes. Two saggy hammocks that could’ve held a manticore each. And the scruffy manecut too! On the card, it was brushed, hair sprayed, and held down with a cute little hairpin. In real life, though, it was closer to a war field. It’s as if someone had electrified her with a nasty spell. And hey- Was it just me, or did she look considerably skinnier than what the photo depicted?

But don’t tell a lady that. In fact, it was not my place to say anything at all. Instead, I did what she asked of me and claimed one of the guest chairs in front of her modestly sized desk (not conversing over something wider than my house felt good for a change).

“Sorry about the short delay here,” Lexi half-heartedly apologized, “I really had to finish this QA report for...”

...

Foooor?

Was this sentence supposed to come with a conclusion, or did she accidentally swallow her tongue? Because instead of finishing whatever it is she was about to say, she stared at me and blinked incredulously. She wasn’t looking at me directly in the eyes either, no. Her pupils were aiming juuuuust a little higher. Cripes, did a bug get caught in my mane on my way here?

“Oh...!” she finally showed a sign of life. “Y-You’re a unicorn, aren’t you?”

So, the horn was the set piece that had frozen her thought process. Why? She was a unicorn herself. If she had a kink for horns, then all she really needed was to take a good look in the mirror.

“Um, yes?” I rubbed a front leg. “Born as one, will die as one. Can I ask y-”

“And you’re the... You’re the one we are sending to Ponyville, correct?”

Being interrupted was usually a pet peeve of mine, yet somehow, I found it hard to blow a gasket this time around – all thanks to the off putting way Lexi was acting. And by that, I was talking about how she inched closer onto her desk, hovering a little too close to comfort with that creepy, almost desperate smile.

“That is indeed why I’m here,” I replied whilst trying my best to stay amicable. “Was this... Was this not transmitted to you?”

She backed off a bit and shook her head. “I wasn’t even aware of this meeting until I saw the note on my desk this morning. My superior received your boss’ request after I had already gone home yesterday evening, and as usual, this was aaaall organized behind my back. So you’ll have to forgive me if I’m not exactly on top of...”

Dangit, she trailed off again. I mean, she was getting somewhat unruly, so this time, I wasn’t too bothered by her newfound mutism. And just to add an extra layer of weirdness, Lexi was blinking rapidly, as if she had just witnessed something completely unbelievable.

“Aheh, uh, s-sorry about all that,” she resumed, sheepish. “It’s been a few long weeks and I... B-But nevermind. Nevermind me. I’m just, I- I’m Lexi Lumen. Lexi Lumen’s my name. It’s uh, it’s good to see you, mister, err...”

Oh, lovely. As if this meeting wasn’t catastrophic enough, she didn’t even know my name. My name! I mean, I understood that this last minute one-on-one had thrown a wrench into her morning routine, but by Celestia’s beard, couldn’t she at least get my name right!? For crying out loud, we were talking about the bare minimum here!

She was making it really difficult to remain poised. But ap ap ap! Don’t let that fool you: I simply had to endure her quirks, no matter how hard she was testing my patience. I was representing the ERB, after all; staying affable was one of the first lessons they’ve hammered in my brain.

“Lucky Coin,” I said behind a false smile, extending a hoof. “But you can simply call me Lucky if you prefer. Or Coiny. Either way, it’s a pleasure to do business with you, Ms. Lexi Lumen.”

She timidly shook my hoof. Huh, talk about a frail grip. Someone really oughta take their vitamin supplements.

Lexi slowly let go off my hoof, and curled her lips. “Likewise, Mr. Lucky, and- Oh! Err, before you ask, we really should clear something up... This uh, ‘associate’ of mine? He’s... he’s going to oversee this meeting, so ah, please, don’t worry about him.”

Han? Say what now?

An associate? What associate? Ain’t nopony else in this room. Sweet mother of non-sequiturs, what madness was she speaking of this time?

I slowly retracted my front leg and noticed that she was looking a little bit to my left. Somehow, I don’t think she was avoiding eye contact; something else had caught what little attention she had. And this time, the culprit definitely wasn’t my horn.

Bah! What could possibly be more interesting than this guy? I turned around with every intention of finding out. Because, truth be told, I was having quite my fill of her wacky little mind ga-

“Ack!”

Oh for the love of Faust, my heart! My poor, feeble heart!

This I did NOT expect. Yeah, you got me good, bucko! Ten outta ten on the jump scare scale!

So, okay, in a recluse corner of her office, to the left of the entry door, was a white large stallion standing completely still. He was costumed by a black suit and protected by mat aviator sunglasses. He also had a little tag on his lapel showing the number 54, which I took note of for some reason.

He had been entirely quiet this entire time. So much so that I didn’t even notice his presence until just then! Geez Louise, they should’ve framed this amateur mime outside with the other statues, since he was doing such a mighty fine job acting like one!

“That’s uh, that’s the associate,” pointlessly reaffirmed Lexi Lumen.

“I could take a hint, thanks,” I sassed, my hoof over my throbbing heart.

Yeah, nice ‘associate’ you’ve got there, Lexi! ‘Friendliness’ certainly wasn’t his middle name, what with his stoic expression and his imposing size. Likewise, his refusal to say a single word wasn’t really leaving the best of impressions.

Somehow, I had an inkling that, uh, “Number 54” wasn’t exactly hanging around to collaborate on scientific endeavors, but rather, to keep an eye on workers with a little too much enthusiasm. If I wasn’t too far off with my presumption, then this meant that Lexi had a watchdog sticking his snout all over her biz. In a few words like many: She was under surveillance.

Or maybe, just maybe, this big brute hadn’t been dispatched to prevent our favorite systems engineer from accidentally revealing company secrets.

Maybe he had been appointed to watch me.

Was it in Dev Co’s best interests to pry information away from an innocent ERB courier who may or may not have access to sensitive material? Perhaps. Or perhaps not. Mrs. Amphora had clearly stipulated that our two firms had been on good terms for years. But maybe, in actuality, these ties had been built on the back of distrust? She did mention something about dissociating from one another. Could the two corporate giants be agreeing to keep their partnership afloat because they had dirt on each other? Was I stuck in the middle of a two-sided blackmailing war of attrition?

There was so much I didn’t know, it was almost dizzying.

But the fact of the matter was, we had an extra set of ears (and muscles) present in the room to make sure everypony was playing nice. I dunno why Dev Co had found it necessary to hire ponyguards, but damn if it wasn’t a curveball I didn’t expect.

Now I had no idea what to expect out of this meeting anymore, ungh. This was all going down to Tartarus quicker than chocolate fudge cake in Celestia’s gullet.

“You’re looking uncomfortable,” sighed Lexi.

Gee, ya think? Guess she truly was a gifted genius after all.

“M’fine,” I lied, still with the fake smile.

“I’m... I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like this. I definitely should’ve been more prepared,” she apologized, this time appearing almost genuine. “It’s just, last week, two of your coworkers came to get their Gauge Rods, and they were earth ponies, so I figured, hey, the Ponyville envoy was also going to be one, right?”

I cocked an eyebrow. “And this matters how?”

She wanted to say something, her mouth on the verge of spilling out more beans. But she sealed her lips shut when she looked behind me again – presumably in the direction of our silent collaborator.

“It doesn’t,” she finally conceded, plain and simple.

Doesn’t it, Ms. Lexi Lumen? Or did I stumble upon a topic you were not at liberty to discuss? Boy, that ponyguard was doing a mighty fine job clipping her proverbial wings. Good thing she was a unicorn and not a pegasus, then.

“Aaaaanyhow,” I subtly tried to change the subject, not wanting to attract Mr. Security Guy’s wrath, “you said something about some Gauge Rods? Are these the products I’m expected to take with me?”

The neurotic engie silently nodded. Good, good. Talking about actual business for a change? Now that felt absolutely wunderbar!

“Yes they are,” she confirmed. “Follow me, if you please.”

She rose up from her desk. Yep, definitely a couple of pounds lighter than she was during picture day, this pony. She bore her white scientific blouse – a sharp contrast with the ponyguard’s black attire – which made it hard to assess her weight with total certitude, but she really did seem to be on the skinnier side. Was Dev Co seriously overworking her that hard? Darn, and here I thought I had rough shifts at the ERB. Really gives you perspective, doesn’t it?

Lexi slowly trotted toward the left side of her office. I accompanied her in front of a large silver door that was wider than tall, tossing a few subtle glances at the guard for good measure. He was as static as ever. A perfect replica of a lifeless prop.

Meanwhile, our underfed lassie pressed on a large red push button on the wall, which ordered the door to open. A prolonged pshhhhhh was heard, and thin jets of steam escaped the seams.

So wait a second. Hydraulics? Vacuum sealed area? That there was some highly advanced schtuff!

Pfeh. Engineers, am I right? Always cooking up something new. As if magic wasn’t sufficient, these guys felt compelled to innovate in their own special way. Patenting cwazy doodads for the heck of it.

Like, take these weird batons, for instance. The ones standing on an elevated podium in the cramped five feet by five feet room Lexi had just revealed. Talk about strange looking gadgets, right? I mean, what did they even do? What was their purpose?

Well, I could tell you one thing already. Seeing as these bizarro sticks were solidly held between locked clips anchored on the wall, then indubitably, they must’ve scored highly on the scale of importance. And speaking of the locks, some of them had been left dangling, holding a whole lotta nuffin’. A couple of those sticks must’ve been rented out already; Smith and Jones had beaten me to the punch, after all.

Still, what the heck was this all about? First the sealed door, and now the padlocks? My oh my, they really didn’t want this state-of-the-art technology to fall into the wrong hooves, didn’t they? I just hoped mine were capable enough to carry the burden of... whatever these fancy schmancy poles did.

What did they do indeed?

“What am I looking at?” I asked, puzzled.

“These are the Gauge Rods. They’ve been designed under the strict guidelines established by Project Chameleon. Their purpose is to, ah... measure and count pedestrian traffic, yes. T-that’s what they do. They... they collect all relevant data, help us draw statistics by highlighting hot spots, travel habits, and... Wait, hang on, let me show you.”

I saw her eyes shut themselves behind her glasses, right before she lowered her head, horn aimed at a locked clip. The veins tensing up in her neck told all about the strenuous magical efforts she was applying. She kept doing that exercise until an amber cloud of magic enrobed the clip. One blinding flash of light later, and the clip detached itself, the Gauge Rod now under the control of her telekinesis.

“Should’ve kept my shades on,” I sneered, blinking the spots away from my vision.

“Oh, yeah, sorry about the lightshow,” she apologized, now for the third time. “It’s a simple password cracking spell I used to disarm the encoded enchantment we put on our locks. We use them on a regular basis here at Dev Co.”

Golly. More security shenanigans. As if the gatekeeping sentinels and black-suited enforcers weren’t sufficient. Tune in next time when I learn all about the armed militia they’re secretly training behind closed doors.

... Somehow, that sounded a lot less facetious in my head.

Sarcastic thoughts aside, what were they so afraid of? Their level of defense against break-ins rivaled those of Canterlot’s castle. Heck, I’d make a gentlecolt’s wager and say they even surpassed them! The princess sisters should’ve paid Dev Co a visit ages ago; with all of these high-tech gadgets in their possession, I betcha queen Chrysalis wouldn’t even have made it past the capital’s walls.

Completely bollocks that this company hadn’t won any bids for national security RFPs. Well, none that I knew of, at least. Why stay put when there was some sweet moolah to be made?

“Okay, gently now... there!”

T’was Lexi placing the Gauge Rods vertically on the tiled floor, making it look like some kind of tripod. This comparison was a pretty fitting one, what with the device’s tree-legged base giving it all the balance it desired. The only thing missing was a camera box on top, and Lexi Lumen was ready to launch her new career in photography.

For now, though, she exhaled audibly. “Alright. This right there is merely a demo unit, and its setup has already been taken care of... well, for the most part. Yours will need to be mounted and properly bootstrapped- but worry not! I will lend you an instruction booklet with all the assembly steps laid out as clearly as possible.”

More documents, hurray. That’ll bring me to, what, 20 pounds of paperwork to travel with now?

“So, essentially, I just place a copy of that pokey whatchamacallit somewhere in Ponyville? And what, it’ll start counting passersby?”

“That is the gist of it, yes.”

“Okay well, sorry if I’m speaking out of line, but isn’t that a little... in-your-face? I mean, I’m not calling your product hideous or anything – it is pretty slick looking – but that thing will stand out like a sour hoof. Isn’t that going to skew the data you lot are looking for?”

“Oh, it’s all explained in the booklet. In sum, the rods have been augmented with a camouflage spell, which allows them to blend with the scenery and- But you know what? A picture is worth a thousand words. Here, allow me to demonstrate.”

Lexi took a few steps closer to the Gauge Rod in the middle of the room. She lifted a protective compartment from its side, toggled a tiny switch, retreated next to me, and...

Well, I simply had to rub my eyes to make sure they were still functioning properly. I wasn’t too sure at first, but surely, the rod was in the process of being transmuted into a different entity entirely. Slowly at first, but then, it picked up the pace. It morphed into something nondescript – a multicolored blob of plasmatic material – until the details became more refined. Eventually, what had started as a tube of metal had now taken the form of a potted piece of shrubbery.

Yeah, just like that.

I just, I had to touch it to believe it. Lexi hadn’t stopped me – and neither did Captain Quiet over there – so I assumed for my impulsive reaction to be on the safer side of things. My curiosity was satiated when I realized that, yes, the leaves were indeed tangible. It wasn’t an holographic illusion, no; what we had was an honest-to-Faust plant. No smoke and mirrors whatsoever.

“... How?” I muttered.

“That’s uh... confidential, I’m afraid,” Lexi Lumen replied, visibly under pressure. “The science behind the process, I mean. It’s confidential.”

“Aww, seriously? Because that there isn’t just some little league magic stuff! I’ve never seen transmutation done so quickly and so effectively before- I didn’t even know such magic was even possible! You sure you can’t throw me a bone, here?”

“... I’m sorry.”

Damn it all! Fourth ‘sorry’ of the day aside, I was getting more and more disgruntled by the ponyguard’s presence. The aura of censorship emanating from that walking NDA prevented Lexi from saying too much, and consequently, kept my knowledge to a bare minimum.

This didn’t bode well. Wanna know why?

Well, I’ve been tasked to haul around a Gauge Rod of my own, right? So it was in my best interests to become familiar with all of its intricacies. What if somepony put me on the spot and asked me to give them a detailed roundup of a rod’s functionality, huh? Delving into the specifics, down to the very last nooks and crannies? I sure would look stupid shrugging it off, unable to give them the answer they richly deserved due to my own ignorance. I’d look so incompetent, and I loathed looking incompetent!

You know what made this ordeal even worse? How I had to falsely assert that these counters were the propriety of the ERB. I hadn’t forgotten about that part of the deal! In the flawed narrative we’ve oh-so-cleverly crafted, I played the role of an on-field technician in charge of a product’s installation, yet I didn’t know half of the technicalities behind it. Yeah, that didn’t feel suspicious at all!

Why was I even bothering with this charade in the first place anyway? Why lie about who owned what? What was so taboo about these rods? Did they spew toxic dump or what?

Wanting to test the waters, I squinted, and said, “If I recall correctly, I’m supposed to say that the Gauge Rods are Bureau material, right?”

“Yeah, you have to... Yeah. T-This is the correct procedure, yes.”

“May I ask why?”

She fidgeted a bit, trying to come up with an excuse to quench my search for answers. She looked away, muttered something inaudible, until,

“You may not.”

I jolted. The pony who just retorted? That wasn’t Lexi. Or a mare, for that matter.

I turned and looked at the security agent. He still hadn’t budged an inch, forever constrained within the confines of his corner. But he had spoken. By the love of all that’s righteous, he actually formulated a string of coherent words. With his vocal chords and everything. I didn’t think I’d live long enough to see the day.

Too bad the only reason he had found his voice was to reject my request.

“Excuse me? I may not?”

“You heard correctly.”

“Aheh,” I snickered with a nonchalant head twist toward his ugly mug, “I hate to pull the ‘do you know who I am’ card, but you’re not giving me much leverage here, my friend.”

“Oh, I know exactly who you are, bait.”

...

What did that pea-brained buffoon just call me?

‘Bait?’ What the hay did that mean? Was that the new ad hominem on the block all the cool foals used these days?

In any case, the insult had been well and truly cashed in, which was as good a sign as any to kick off an argument. Yeah. Another one. We’re doing this again. Tropic Cascade, Java, Mayor Mare, and now this guy: What did they all have in common?

Yup, you guessed it.

They didn’t know their goddamn place.

“Listen here, 54,” I calmly addressed the so-called associate. “I’ll let that little blunder slide because I don’t think you’re in a good position to understand what’s really happening here. But since I’m such a nice guy, I’ll let you in on it anyway.”

I strutted toward him, arrogance flowing through my veins.

“You, my good Sir, have been actively hindering an ERB agent during the exercise of his functions. That’s right! Don’t think for one second I didn’t notice how oppressive you’ve been toward our dearest Lexi Lumen this whole time! You’ve done nothing but suppress her freedom of speech, disallowing her from telling me exactly what I needed to hear over and over again. And now, now you find the guts to outright tell me ‘no’ to my very face!?”

By the end of my accusatory spiel, when my confrontational attitude reached its apex, I found myself face-to-face with the ponyguard. I saw my discontent expression duplicated in each tinted lens of his sunglasses.

“Cute,” he patronized. “Unfortunately for you, bait, there are things we can’t divulge to meddling outsiders.” Then, he lifted his chin, unintimidated. “I have orders to follow, and I’d strongly suggest you start following yours as well, if you know what’s good for ya.”

“Is that a threat?” I sneered, bewildered. “I work for the Equestrian freakin’ Revenue Bureau, and I’m entitled to receive the information I seek.”

“You are not entitled to anything, bait.”

“Call me ‘bait’ one more time, and so help me, you’ll come to regret this moment forev-”

A sudden throat clearing noise buried my voice and scrambled my thoughts.

I craned my neck back, and saw Lexi with a little travel book in her maw. Ah, so she was the one who had rattled her phlegm, effectively putting our unfriendly debate to a halt. Yeah, uh, maybe I needed that. I don’t know how long this bickering session would’ve lasted had she not stepped in. I had better things to do than lose my precious time talking to a high school dropout.

Lexi floated the book out of her mouth, unbuttoned one compartment of my ERB saddlebag, and pocketed the book into it. All of this, achieved remotely through the power of her horn.

“Sorry to, um, interrupt you two... but I took the liberty of fetching the booklet I talked about earlier. Y’know, the one with all of the Gauge Rods installation guidelines and everything.”

I approached her, not unhappy to abandon my previous conversation with that stupid power-tripping thug. I went around the stick-turned-plant, and did a formal nod to the engineer when I became face-to-face with her.

“Thank you, Ms. Lexi Lumen,” I said, considerably more serene now. “I will read its content on my way to Ponyville.”

That is, if I don’t die of a second heart attack on the charting train ride over there, hahaha! Haha... Ha…

A-anyhow.

Lexi lowered her head and bit her lips. “It’s... Important that you read all the steps, and execute them in the correct order, okay?”

“Yup, not to worry, I got this, and, uhh... um, what are you...?”

W-well then. If my interlocutor was timid mere seconds ago, now she had been struck with an unexpected pang of confidence.

It’s with this surge of bravado that Lexi got all up in my grill, putting her hoof on my shoulder and looking at me dead in the eyes. My personal sphere couldn’t have been more breached if she tried.

“Listen to me: It is absolutely capital that you follow every step, you hear?” she reiterated in a commanding tone. “I do mean it! Promise me you won’t skip any of what’s written in the manual, no matter how unusual it may seem. Will you do that for me, Lucky?”

Sigh... What has gotten into her now? Why was she so dang insistent all of the sudden? Well, no point dwelling on moot questions, really, because before I could even consider making that promise,

“That’s quite enough.”

Lo and behold: The return of 54’s speech, electric boogaloo. Yet again playing the naysayer, as per tradition.

I simply had to roll my eyes there. Yeah, that pretty much confirmed it: Big Brother was up to no good. The wobbliest third wheel ever seen. I mean, first, denying me, and now, curtailing Lexi? Talk about liable! I dunno what sort of zoo big daddy Crackerjack had allowed to run behind their back, but this laissez-faire approach was just begging for a strongly worded letter!

“Forget him,” I said to Lexi. “I’ll get that Gauge Rod up and running before tomorrow. You can count on me.”

She kept her eyes locked with mine. Her orange irises hadn’t stopped glowing with determination. The confidence she had found earlier hadn’t left, and it’s as if she knew for a fact that I could carry out the critical task she entrusted me with. A part of me almost felt like she had deliberately left some double entendre unvoiced, but that we were on the same wavelength nonetheless. That no matter what, I’d do the right thing, and that I wouldn’t betray her trust.

... Yeah uh, maybe I was reading too much into this, but listen, that’s what I got from the steadfast look she gave me.

We stayed like this for an awkward second or two, until the reality of the situation came crashing down on her, making her sag somewhat.

“Thank you. And... I’m sorry.”

Ah, what’s a dialog with Lexi Lumen without another call for forgiveness? I was getting worried there.

“Oh, that’s alright,” I tried to comfort her. “I’ve dealt with tougher ponies than this bozo before,” I added, pointing with the back of my head.

“T-That’s not what I’m sorry for, but... I’ll take it,” she smirked.

The next few minutes went without a hitch, which, y’know, was saying a lot considering what kind of, err, colorful meeting I’ve been subjected to. We took this moment of respite, however brief it was, to get more preparatory steps off the checklist. This mostly boiled down to Lexi cracking another passworded spell, and getting the transmutable rod secured to my barrel. I’m sure we all had other things to go back to, so adjourning was the next logical move on the list.

Rarity wouldn’t wait forever, after all.

I extended my goodbyes to Ms. Lexi Lumen, and she offered a friendly wave in return. Despite everything that unfolded between the four walls of office 105 this afternoon, I was still up and about, ready to perform my duties. A tax collector never rests! Weird situations and rude ponyguards notwithstanding.

Rude ponyguards...

Since I was all prepared and ready to go, it was probably safe to assume that I was never going to see that square-jawed imbecile ever again. Maybe then it was in my best interest to give him a few parting words. You know, so the next ERB agent assigned to Project Chameleon doesn’t have to deal with 54’s blatant lack of respect.

“Listen here, you,” I accosted him on my way out. “I really did not appreciate the way you treated your ‘protégé’ and I today. If you think I’m going to let you off the hook that easily, then I have a bridge to sell you. This, my friend, isn’t the last you’ve heard of me!”

“Oh, there’s no doubt about that, pretty boy,” he chuckled. “And I’m definitely looking forward for what comes next-”

Yeah yeah whatever. My ability to care completely eroded, I opened the office door with magic,

“-bait.”

...

I cringed, gritting my teeth. Ooooh that stallion was really trying to get under my skin.

C’mon- serenity now! You oughta bide your time, Lucky. You had all the resources in the world to make his life miserable. A few words to the right people and poof, that’s a pink slip on his desk before the weekend. Remember what I said about never letting anypony be in your way? Well, this lesson couldn’t have been more applicable with Mr. 54 Brain Cells. I sure relished the thought of punishing his abuse with a healthy dose of unemployment!

Nopony gets to talk down to me the way he did. Certainly not someone to whom I owed absolutely nothing! Cashing in his first welfare cheque is bound to make him understand that.

It’s with those gratifying if a bit vengeful mental images that I officially departed. I still had a long day ahead of me, and this pit stop had already sapped too much of my time. And so, Dev Co, I bid you adieu. May I never have the unpleasantness to deal with your unhinged staff ever again!

Next stop: Ponyville.

Author's Note

Next stop indeed. Going to Ponyville is def. in the pipeline!

I had initially planned for our boyo to arrive there in this chapter, but decided otherwise when the Dev Co scene went on longer than expected. What can I say. This is a story about meetings, so meetings we shall have. Not the most exciting topic, but man, we’ll do something with all this lore I’m dumping in due time.

What’s up with Dev Co anyway, right? They’re really pumping some sweet mileage out of that “Mystery” tag, I tell you h’what. Laying a few crumbs here and there about something terribly uncomfortable going on. Surely, it won’t come back to bite our (un)favorite tax collector in the ass down the line? Some people have to learn the hard way, I'm afraid.