In Loving Memory

“Ugh, what the…? R- Rarity? What time is it?”

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…”

“Eek! Who’s that? Who’s ‘we’?!”

“…to memorialize our dear friend, Sweetie Belle.”

“Ugh, dumb blanket… mgh! Huh? Apple Bloom? Scootaloo? What are you two doing in my room?”

“Too soon, she was taken from us…”

“What do you mean, ‘taken’?”

“…leaving us, the sole two members of the Canterlot Movie Club, to bravely continue on in her absence.”

“You… you’re kidding. Why do you have flowers? What’s with the black bow? And why are you here in my room at... What time is it, anyway?”

“I now give the floor over to Scootaloo, for her portion of the egoogily.”

“Ih-! ‘Eulogy’!”

“Eh, I’ve heard it both ways. Scootaloo?”

“Thank you. Ahem… I was but a young eighth grader when my parents, being the shining examples of childrearing that they are, dropped me off at a movie theater by myself with enough money for one movie ticket and one small popcorn. Alas, the movie I had the misfortune of choosing, The Life and Times of Ongh, the Last Windmage, was bad enough that rather than me pay for a ticket, they should have paid me to be there.”

“Snrk! Really, though. It had a built-in fanbase…”

“I stayed longer than I should have, hoping it would get better; but it did not. It got worse, and I found myself tempted to gouge my eyes out with a plastic spoon I found on the floor. So I ran, and I quite literally ran into someone who would change my life forever. I knocked her over in my frenzied attempt to escape, but with one look at the movie I had escaped from, all was quickly forgiven. Before long, we were discussing some of the other movies that had come out, and I went to see another one with her and her sister, and she even stayed with me when my parents each thought the other had picked me up and so we were there just hanging out until after eight. She was such a good and caring friend. I can’t believe she’s gone.”

“Why do you keep saying that? I’m right here.”

“Sometimes I still think I can hear her voice.”

“Ugh. I don’t know what you girls are doing, but I’m sure it’s ridiculous. Why are you putting the flowers on my bed?”

“Thank you, Scootaloo. And now it’s my turn. Ahem.”

“Did you really just say ‘ahem’ instead of actually clearing your throat?”

“A-hem! My first experience with Sweetie Belle came a bit later. Freshman year was hard for me, not least because Diamond Tiara had for some reason put me on her poop list-”

“Her what, now?”

“-on sight. It seemed like she went out of her way to antagonize me. When she invited me to her birthday party at the movies, I thought maybe she was lightening up; but she was only doing it to make fun of flat, lonely Apple Bloom. I tried to avoid her, but she chased me into another theater, where she accused me of enjoying childish, podiatrist films.”

“Po-?! ‘Pedestrian’! Your phone’s autocorrect is awful.”

“Shh!”

“Little did we know, two heroines would rise up, with fire in their veins, film theory in their hearts, and popcorn in their hands. With a quick rundown on the deeper themes and some popcorn aimed right at her pussy- er, prissy-”

Snrk-!

Pfft-!

“…pr-”

Sst-!

Khh-!

“…if you two are done… prissy haircut, culinary with a bucket of popcorn landing on her head.”

“Cul- ‘Culminating’?”

“Sniff. It was my finest hour.”

“It was a great shot, Scootaloo. I was proud. Would have preferred if you’d used your own bucket, but I was still proud.”

“Yours was bigger. And I’d already finished mine.”

“Before the previews had even ended, I remember that.”

“It was a kiddie size! Ticket prices went up but my allowance didn’t.”

“Anyway! With the evil Diamond Tiara vanquished, we all became instant best buddies, and in that instant, the Canterlot Movie Club was born. And it has continued, unbroken, until now. Her departure has left a hole in me and my heart-”

“’My heart and’… oh, whatever.”

“-and we can never eat enough popcorn to fill that hole.”

“Though we will try. That new Gorgo movie has that big, Gorgo-sized popcorn bucket, have you seen that?”

“Ooh, I’ve been looking forward to seeing that one. Kaiju movies are way past due for a renaissance.”

“I know, right? Especially after that Zilla Monster car wreck. Ugh.”

“Bleh!”

“I know, right? How do you botch that? I mean… uh, now that it’s just the two of us, and Sweetie Belle is no longer with us, we’ll have to watch it by ourselves and split the leftover popcorn she would have eaten.”

“Aaaand we’re back to that again. Thanks for the flowers, I guess? Just, right on my bed, next to the others. Ok.”

“I suppose the romantic movies should have been a clue to how short her time was with us. She usually prefers show tunes and musicals, but she’d been voting for movies like The Diary, Nothing Hill, or that How to Get Rid of Someone in 10 Days-”

“Still can’t describe how disappointed I was that that wasn’t a slasher movie.”

“-or Ego and Bias-”

“‘Oh, Mr. Dahcy-’ Blech. I still have nightmares about that one.”

“-should have been our first clue that she would one day leave us forever, replacing our company with that of someone who probably unironically liked that cringe- and explosion-fest Change-o-bots.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Is this, all of this, because I missed our weekly movie night because I went out on a date with Button Mash?”

“Khahaha-! It’s a tragedy of epic proportions!”

“The horror, the horror! Hehehe-!”

“Wha-! I-! It was one! Date!”

“Haha-!”

“And it wasn’t even that good!”

“Were you like, ‘Oh, Mr. Mahsh…’ Bahaha-!”

“Stop, Scoots, I’m gonna pee!”

“You-! Augh! That’s it! Get out. Get out!”

“Oof!”

“Ach-!”

“You two- unh! Are awful! Out!”

“Ow!”

“Ah! Why does she have so many pillows on her bed?”

“Get out of my room! Out!”