Goofy Smiles and Turnip-Colored Eyes
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Goofy Smiles and Turnip-Colored Eyes

I don’t even remember what twist of fate brought me to the Arboreal district that day. Some project for school? My own — sloppy and foalish as it was — research?

It really doesn’t matter why I found myself there, amongst the swaying trees, chirping birds, and whining insects of that nature-bound district. A world apart from the posh and sterile Noble district I had come to know.

I remember frantically scribbling away at a little notebook, enamored by the pure majesty of the life around me. True, honest life, unlike the facade one finds around the nobility.

There I laid eyes on you, playing a foal’s ball game with some other colts beneath those trees.

All of the beauty and wonder of that natural world — entranced as I was — suddenly felt but like a match to your radiance.

I didn’t know what love was at such a young age. I, however, would like to be so bold as to say that it was love at first sight. I knew that from that day forward, I would not be able to truly live without you by my side.

Your cute short-cropped mane. Your hearty, soulful laugh. And, most of all, your goofy, genuine smile.

Dear Celestia, I loved everything about you, Hayseed Turnip Truck.

I remember it like it were just last Tuesday. Seein’ that purdy little filly watching my buds and me playing hoofball, her jaw open so wide you’d think she was tryin’ to catch flies.

I thought at that time that it just weren’t right that somepony as cute as you weren’t playin’ with us so I moseyed on over and asked you ta join us.

I remember jus’ how red you turned and how you tucked your head down all shy like, hidin’ it behind that lil’ notepad of yours.

I was just like, shoot, a colt could get used to a purdy filly like this. Twilight Sparkle — a nice and purdy name for a nice and purdy filly.

I wonder, sometimes, what I would be like if it wasn’t for that little trip?

Would I have become such a rule-breaker — sneaking out of the family mansion, lying to my parents about visiting friends, and breaking curfew just to meet that cute little colt in the Arboreal district?

Would a Twilight how hadn’t met you even still be me?

Ma’ and Pa’ never kept no close eye on me growin’ up. Always workin’, as is the earth pony way, they’d say. They jus’ wanted be back home ‘fore dark.

Was right by me. The day was plenty ‘nough time to play with you.

Not that it didn’t feel right short every evenin’ when Celestia rested the sun ‘gainst the horizon.

It felt like we had all the time in the world to us, those days — and yet ‘twas never enough.

Every day was such an adventure. I’ve never played so much in my life. Never worked up a good sweat. I miss that little garden we grew, secreted away in an alley alongside that park where we first met.

That was my first and last time growing something with my own two hooves. I could never bring myself to tend to plants again.

I was looking so forward to seeing just what those little sprouts would grow into…

I never met nopony in my life near half as smart as you. I miss those days, resting ‘neath a tree while you read through one of those books. I loved listenin’ to your voice — pure and smooth as a crick’s fresh water.

Even listenin’ to those big ol’ textbooks you lugged around in those days was nothin’ but pure heaven.

And those eyes — shinin’ a deep and pure purple jus’ like turnips. I could get lost in those eyes for the rest of my days.

I knew then and there. Gosh darn did I think you were prudy when I first laid eyes on ya, but the Twilight I came to know since then — with her lil’ head stuffed full of book learnin’ and her heart bursting at the seams with joy and kindness — that was the little filly I fell in love with.

I knew you were a dashing colt when I first met you, but your honesty and fortitude really drove home just how… perfect you were.

I knew you weren’t the brightest colt and I knew how much it bothered you. But what you had was something just as valuable, if not more.

You had heart. You had that cute, goofy little smile that laughed and grinned with honesty.

I had long since grown tired of the posturing of the nobility — ponies that would do anything and everything to show that they were the best that ponykind had to offer.

Ridiculous.

All ponies that would look down on somepony like you. A pony that would put on airs of doing good just to ensure his social clout but a pony that would do good because he is a good pony.

That little foal with the heart of gold and that cute, little smile. That Hayseed — that was the colt I fell in love with.

I will never forget that day. When you brought me out to that secluded tree in the shade. When you confessed.

When we shared that kiss.

I was so nervous then. I’d never loved nopony like that before. And nopony like that since. I spent honest-to-Celestia days pacin’ back and forth, debatin’ whether I should confess or not, but gosh darn it I had ta do it.

And it was the best decision I ever made.

Your shy smile.

A squeaky ‘yes’.

And your soft lips.

Starin’ into those turnip-purple eyes, I knew that nothin’ in Equestria could come between us.

I knew that I found the stallion of my dreams. The pony that I would be spending the rest of my days with, until the day we pass through the pearly gates of Elysium, hoof-in-hoof.

And yet…

Those days couldn’t last.

I never thought about it, back then as a colt, but in those days there was a river-wide gap ‘tween earth ponies and unicorns. That anypony who dared to wade across that gap would be dragged down by the undertow of society — ‘specially in Canterlot.

I was just a filly back then. I thought I was being sneaky — that nopony would notice that I was at the mansion less often, that my friends would know to cover my lies of where I was at.

When I heard that mare a screamin’ and a hollarin’, I thought that all tartarus had broken loose.

I hate knowin’ that I was right, too.

Unicorns are not meant to mix with lesser ponies. Especially not earth ponies.

I know I had been taught those lessons before, but I always imagined them to be holdovers from a more antiquated time. Never something anypony enforced in this day and age.

I’ve never seen mom so furious before. Real, genuine rage radiated off of her.

I was a harlot, she said. A traitor to my tribe. A unicorn cannot be seen with an earth pony, much less date one.

Especially not a unicorn of my standing.

An earth pony does hard, honest work. Not like those no-good hoity-toity unicorns who sit around all day doin’ a whole lotta nothin’.

That’s what I was taught growin’ up.

I love my family. It’s the earth pony way, you know?

I never thought I’d see the day that I’d grow ta hate them.

There was Tartarus to be paid for datin’ a no-good unicorn.

Life since then was horrible. I was kept under constant watch. I was forced to enter Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns — can’t have any chance of me getting any ideas, mixing with other tribes — and ultimately became Celestia’s personal student.

My parents were so proud of me. So proud that I finally put that past behind me. Finally moved on and became a good and proper member of high society.

My ties with my friends atrophied while I slowly died inside.

I came back to our little hideaways years later, once I was able to sneak away without anypony noticing.

You were never there.

I never knew what happened to you.

The only pony I cared about in all of Equestria was gone.

Is it any wonder I became such a recluse?

Bein’ in Canterlot must’ve rotted my roots, they said.

Ain’t no place for a good and proper earth pony to be growin’ up.

So my folks went and uprooted the lot of us and dumped us down in Dodge Junction. A good proper earth pony town full of good proper earth pones.

A barren desert.

I thought it was funny, in some sick way.

My folks wanted me to put down strong roots so they take us out of the lush gardens of Canterlot and jus’ chucked us at the desert sand.

Those years, livin’ in that desert town, were the plum worst years of my life. What use was livin’ in the desert if’n you had no drop of water to drink?

I ain’t proud of how I was like back then. I lashed out at everypony, as if they were the reason my folks took me from that one beautiful mare with words like fresh water and eyes like turnips.

I knew one day I would leave that town.

One day I would find you again.

Moving to Ponyville was refreshing. That charming, rustic town reminded me so much of you, Hayseed. The fresh, crisp scent of dirt hanging in the air. The scent of flowers slipping through the breeze.

I won’t lie. I cried that first night. I was thrown a welcoming party, but all I could think about was you. How much this quaint little village reminded me of you. I cried like a little foal until I was unable to cry anymore.

Ponies didn’t care about tribes so much in Ponyville. It was an earth pony town, but pegasi and unicorns lived there too. Dated and married across tribes too.

There were many days I imagined us settling down in Ponyville — away from the scorn and derision of family. Away from the nobility and its chains which bound me and tore us apart for so many years.

As soon as I could get out of Dodge, I did. I never went back. I had nopony back in Dodge — nopony that mattered.

The only pony I had ever loved was in Canterlot.

Returnin’ to that city of marble was bittersweet. A city filled with memories of both the filly I loved and of the reality of ponies who don’t look at me as nothin’ more important than mud.

I found myself workin’ odd jobs ‘round the city — garbage pony one day an’ window washer the next. Anythin’ to make ends meet. Anythin’ I could meet you again.

I may be dumb, but even I know when ponies don’t want me ‘round. Still, though, I brushed shoulders with fancy ponies, tryin’ to catch any word about you. Where you were. What you were doin’.

They didn’t like me much, but it didn’t matter. I would walk through Tartarus bare-hooved if’n it meant I could plant those hooves by your side at the exit.

Time and time again, I proved myself to be a hero of Equestria.

Trusted student of Princess Celestia.

Savior of Princess Luna.

Wielder of the Element of Magic.

Sealer of Discord.

When I first heard the news of your heroics, I wanted ta run down there to Ponyville myself to hold you in my forelegs.

Finally, after all these years I knew where you were. It would be so easy for us to meet up again.

I didn’t care about any of the heroics — any of the accolades ponies accredited me with.

All I cared about was the news reaching you. Telling you where I was. That I was waiting for you in Ponyville.

But I couldn’t.

Not while you were a hero and I was a… jus’ some lousy window washer.

I tried and tried to reach your height. To be able to stand with you side-by-side.

But every step I took you outpaced me with ten.

I just wanted to be with you again.

I jus’ wanted to be a stallion worthy of somepony like you.

And then I ascended, becoming an alicorn.

Unquestionably, something everypony in Equestria would know about.

Surely, we would be able to meet now.

I attended your coronation. Who’d’ve thought — that purdy little filly from back then — now a princess.

I saw you in the crowd at my coronation. It was all I could think about. My heart fluttered every time I met your eyes.

Finally.

Finally an end to all of my waiting.

So why?

Why did you…

I ran away. I cried like a little foal and ran from you.

You deserved better than somepony like me. Somepony as stupid as me. Sompony with an ugly, misshapen face like me. Somepony so useless as me.

You were now a princess.

I would never be able to stand by your side now.

I was never able to find where you went. Where you lived.

Why did you run from me?

Do you no longer like me?

Did you blame me for our separation?

Have…

Have you been avoiding me all these years?

All I wanted in life was to be your stallion.

The gap between a unicorn and an earth pony is big.

The gap between an alicorn and an earth pony?

I…

In those days, I honestly considered ending it all.

What else did I have ta live for in life?

But I moseyed on.

I know it may be conceited for a lowly earth pony like me, but I wanted ta at least watch you from afar. At least pray for your happiness.

Did you think I cared that you were an earth pony?

That you weren’t as clever as other ponies?

That you weren’t as beautiful as other ponies?

I loved you. You, Hayseed Turnip Truck. Not anypony else, no matter how gilded with perfection they may have been.

They just weren’t you.

Why did you never take a prince consort?

When you took over rulin’ Equestria, I started to dread the day you’d finally take another stallion’s hoof in marriage. Maybe Prince Blueblood. Certainly not somepony worthy of standing by your side, but somepony much more worthy than a country bumpkin like me.

I was waiting for you.

All those years, I was waiting for the one pony who I wanted to stand by my side.

Every morning, as I roused the sun from its slumber beneath the horizons, I prayed that its light would shine on down for you, leading you back to me.

So why did it take so long?

Why did you not show up until decades passed?

I was growin’ old and weak.

I knew I didn’t have much time left in this world.

All I wanted, at the end of my days, was to see you one last time.

I wanted to see those turnip-colored eyes and hear that beautiful voice.

You had grown into such a beautiful princess. And yet, so much like that little filly unicorn hiding shy-like behind a notepad, oh so many years ago.

I didn’t think you’d remember me.

I didn’t think you’d recognize me.

I recognized you on sight.

That cute, goofy smile. That choppy mane bleached white by the sands of time.

Hayseed Turnip Truck, my love, you have finally returned to me.

I broke decorum — and startled a number of guards too — when I swept down and enveloped you in my forelegs.

I was so shocked.

I was so certain that you’d’ve forgotten about me.

When you kissed me…

It was magical. Our first kiss in decades. Our first kiss as mare and stallion.

I had never been happier in my life than in that moment.

But life is cruel.

I was an alicorn and our time together was but a flash in the pan of my life.

I still leave flowers by your grave everyday.

Hundreds of years have passed and I still can’t forget that cute little colt with the goofy, genuine smile.

I wonder if this is why Celestia and Luna never took partners?

Nopony could ever replace you, Hayseed Turnip Truck.

Forevermore, you shall be my one and only prince.