Sometimes, I think to myself, 'Is my life really worth it?'

Really, I can't see myself doing anything. Time flows yet nothing changes. It's a tiny world I live in, locked in my room every day, staring at a screen for hours on end watching My Little Pony, binging the show from dawn to dusk, eating microwavable meals every day. Every day, I rinse and repeat, do the same thing over and over again. Sigh, time flows on and nothing changes. I've tried changing course, applying to university as a 32 year old man. Fortunately, I was offered a course in psychology a long while back, when I turned 19, but upon learning how unemployable that degree is, and the tens of thousands of dollars of debt I may carry for life... I discontinued, devastated at the news. These days, income is hard to come by. A bad economy and my lack of higher education has made me lose all chances of success. At least my parents have left me this house, and a sizable inheritance.

Mum, dad, thank you. I would not be living without you. Even though you two are gone, I still love you.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic has been my salvation for the last decade, 2014 to now, 2024. Who knew a show for little girls would be such an important part of my life? Pinkie Pie, you brought laughter in my life. Sometimes a smile is all you need to be happy. Fluttershy, your kindness... I can't get enough of it. Rainbow Dash, you're too awesome. Applejack, you are so invested in your family and you are the most hardworking, honest pony I know. Rarity, you might be generous, but your other side of selfishness is such an interesting character dynamic. Bipolar? I don't know. And last of all, Twilight. You are the embodiment of magic, something I need to brighten up my day for the better, yet... It's just fantasy. True escapism is impossible, but maybe with a bit of magic, it might be possible. Sometimes, I wish magic was real, but the golden years of youth is over. I don't have friends anymore. I don't have love anymore. I am alone, navigating through an endless sea of despair, drifting through the emptiness that is my reality. For years, fictional ponies seemed to be my only friends. I knew they weren't real, but who cares?

I sit down on my chair. 'Aah,' I mumbled. I need to do something about my lack of physical exercise, my bones feel like crumbling at any second. I boot up my computer, navigating to find the next episode of Friendship is Magic. Season 9, Episode 26: The Last Problem. Finally, the binge is going to be over. Over 200 episodes, crammed into only two weeks I need to experience the warmth of sunlight after this. I won't be able to experience the warmth that was emitted from this seemingly insignificant TV show for girls anymore. As I started watching, a revelation struck in my mind. What is this? Twilight ruling by herself? Something resonated with me, and that was the lack of friendship that was immediately shoved in my face. Time. Time was the culprit. An unstoppable force that severs friendships and then, memories. I watched on, seeing the vignettes of a better time, hitting hard. This is exactly what happened to me. I feel so connected to Twilight, yet I couldn't pinpoint it. And then, her council of friendship entered into the room. Luster Dawn was surprised, but I wasn't. Suddenly, a disconnect happened. Why did my friendships fade, but not Twilight's friendships. Although she's ruling by herself, her friendships never faded. But why?

Although I've watched this episode before, something was different. A bittersweet end, yet it was different this time. The end of a show marked a new change. I've watched parts of Gen 5, but I didn't really enjoy it as much as I had hoped. The movie was pretty good, though, like many others, I did doubt Sunny's transformation into a pseudo-alicorn initially, but it grew on me the second time. Tell your Tale was fun to watch, but lacked sustenance. Make Your Mark was... Let's not talk about that. Regardless, it just wasn't the same as Gen 4. Both Friendship is Magic and Equestria Girls felt much more mature, even from the beginning. Subtle character details seemed to just not exist, and it was just too much of a change to deal with. It really wanted to target Gen Alpha, and not older audiences... cough, bronies. I don't hate it, but I don't like it much either.

And how the magic of friendship grows. But where's my friendships? They only faded, not grown. I closed my eyes, lamenting for the better days of my childhood, where innocence and joy filled me with no care in the world for anything negative. And the more I grew up, the more that went wrong. I couldn't take it anymore, but I had to keep pushing forward. Maybe I would be better off I were living in Ponyville instead of this world. I had nothing here. Money and accommodation? Yes. Joy and Friendship? No. Sigh, 2am already. Yep, time goes fast, no doubt, especially when you get lost in your thoughts. When could I ever do? At this point, insignificance is my motto. I simply just exist in this world, doing nothing for the economy, the job market, and even for my own self. It feels like I'm Twilight before all her character development ever happened, when she was just Celestia's bookhorse. Maybe I should just go sleep, stop these thoughts from spiraling out of control. Another day has passed, and I have failed once again to redeem myself. When will I be able to climb out of this massive hole I've dug for myself?

I tried to walk down to my kitchen, holding myself as I navigated down the stairway, my head sagging from fatigue. I swayed from side to side as I forced my eyes open. Why do I suddenly feel so heavy? Ugh, I really need to take a rest. I yawned as I reached the bottom of the staircase, seemingly half asleep. There it was, lying in front of me. My glorious fridge, my source of food and safe haven, preventing me from starvation. I grabbed the milk carton, holding it against my lip, shaking it as the last remaining bit of milk sloshed into my mouth. 'Ah. No more milk. One more thing I have to put on my shopping list for tomorrow,' I muttered, rolling my eyes. I'm too tired for now, I need rest. Walking up into my room again, I stepped up the stairs one by one, yawning as I entered my ravaged room.

'Good Night,' I thought, slamming myself onto my disorganised bed. I may as well rest now, before my brain gets fried even more.

Oh how the magic of friendship grows. If only that was true... Then everything wouldn't be a mess like this. If only those words were true...

But of course it's not. It can't be. Such sublime environments simply don't exist in this world. The innocence that is childhood does not carry on forever. Everybody eventually splits apart, journeying on their own to their destinies, determined purely by chance and nothing else. Sigh.

I wish for a bit of magic. Something that can truly brighten up my day for years to come.

Author's Note

I too, want magic.