Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. Two of Equestria’s esteemed princesses. You would expect even their private conversations in their throne room – or anywhere – to consist of important, mature matters and be carried out with impeccable poise befitting royalty.

However, if they were talking not as sophisticated princesses but as ponies who are also siblings, well…

“No. Just no,” Luna flatly said as she gazed at a glittering red dress floating in Celestia’s golden magic. “There is no way you can fit into that thing.”

“Why not? It has been about five hundred years since I last wore it, but I've taken good care of it over the centuries. If I could wear it back then, I can wear it now.”

“Perhaps, if you had maintained the same figure prior to my banishment as Nightmare Moon. But now–”

Celestia rumbled a vexed groan through the room. “Don’t you start on my cake-eating habits again! I’ll prove it’s not too small for me!” Celestia promptly shoved her dress over her head. As it reached her folded wings, she grunted while inching her dress past her wings.

“Just a bit more,” Celestia told herself in between grunts. “You can do it, Celestia.”

Finally, after one last grunt of effort, her dress slid over her hips.Barely.

“Ha!” She triumphantly raised her head, a smug smirk curling on her lips. “See? It may be a tad tight, but I–”

*Rip!*

Welp, Celestia's dress split over her hips. RIP dress.

Luna’s lips quivered. Chuckle-snorts squeaked from her lips.

“My pies for a week if you never speak of this again.”

“Deal…*snicker*…big flank Celly.”

“Grr, don’t call me that! You know I despise that na–”

A Royal Guard ran through the throne room’s open doors. “Princesses, Chrysalis appeared out of nowhere and is draining ponies of love!”

“What?!” Celestia exclaimed. “Where is she?!”

“My reports say she was seen near Equusmart.”

“I see. I will go deal with her at once.”

“Of course. Good luck.” The guard left and hurried down a hallway. An eruption of thunderous laughter rattled all of Canterlot Castle. Literally.

“I’ll feel embarrassed later.“ Celestia floated her ripped dress off her and dropped it to the floor. “Anyway, could you accompany me for backup? I should be enough for Chrysalis if she has only started eating love, but better safe than sorry.”

“As if you needed to ask.” Luna smirked. They would not fall in combat this time! “Let us bring down a villain together, just like old times!”

“Darn it,” Celestia said as she and Luna flew over one of Canterlot’s streets branching the capital city. “I forgot where that guard said Chrysalis is. Do you remember?”

“I believe he said Equusmart, but we could use the screaming ponies below us to determine where to go. I am certain they are running away from Chrysalis’s location.”

“Yes, and they are even running from where Equusmart is. Let’s hurry before Chrysalis drains too many ponies of their love or even captures them.”

The duo sped up their wing flaps and soared high above the fleeing ponies below them.

After about two minutes of flying over streets, the sisters slowly, gracefully landed on a now-empty street. Near the towering Equusmart’s closed double-doors, Chrysalis, facing away from the alicorns, held a pale, semi-conscious unicorn mare in her magic at head level. A continuous stream of love drained from the mare’s body and into Chrysalis’s open mouth.

“There she is.” Celestia looked toward Luna, bearing a stern, battle-ready scowl. ”Are you ready?”

Luna nodded. “Ready, big flank Celly.”

Celestia squinted her eyes, sisterly venom oozing from them. “Just for that, I’m going to pretend Chrysalis is you when we fight her.” Celestia looked back to Chrysalis and stepped closer to her. “Chrysalis, release that pony this instant!”

“Whatever you say.” The changeling of the hour released, or rather dropped, the poor defenseless mare in her grasp. To the ground. Hard.

“Ow, rude…” the mare mumbled as her remaining consciousness clocked out for lunch.

“You know that wasn’t what I meant!” Celestia levitated the drained mare to and safely behind her.

“I know, I know,” Chrysalis nonchalantly said. She finally turned to face the sisters, wearing a smirk of calm arrogance. “I didn’t release that pony the instant you told me to. Heh heh heh, silly me, big flank Celly.”

Luna’s teeth gritted. A seething growl rumbled from her throat. “Chrysalis, listen well. Stealing ponies’ love against their will is despicable enough, but only I can pick on my sister.” The younger sister’s horn glowed blue as she bellowed in her Royal Canterlot voice, “WE WILL NOT WARN THOU AGAIN!!”

Chrysalis wagged a hoof toward Luna. “Temper, temper. There’s no need to slip into old ponish these days.”

“Never mind speech manners.” Celestia spread her majestic wings wide to battle mode. “Once again, you attacked innocent ponies for their love. What do you have to say for yourself before we do this the hard way?”

“I’m sorry.” Chrysalis leaned her head down. Tartarus had certainly frozen over due to “I’m sorry” passing through Chrysalis’s lips. Her gentler voice tone bore no sarcasm or jest, but sounded seemingly sincere(!)

Celestia's and Luna’s mouths widened; the former’s wings wilted back to their usual folded positions. Both ponies’ eyes twitched in unison.

“I-I beg your pardon?” Celestia forced her shocked mouth to ask.

Her head still aimed toward the ground, Chrysalis answered, “‘My pardon’ is I’m sorry.”

“A-a-are we hearing correctly?” Luna shook her head; something had to kill her eye twitches. “You are apologizing? You, who once thought ‘empathy’ was a type of food?”

The not-so-proud Ex-queen nodded. “Yes. I will even leave Canterlot in peace.”

“Something is seriously wrong here.” Celestia laid her hoof over Chrysalis's forehead. “Hmm. No fever.”

“Shall I fetch a thermometer from one of our castle’s doctors? It would be more reliable than your hoof.”

“Hey, ‘Doc’, I’m fine.” Chrysalis slapped Doc Celestia’s hoof off her head. “I would be in a self-made bed somewhere if I had a fever.”

Celestia asked, “So, you are sorry and will really leave on your own free will?”

“Yes and yes.”

Celestia and Luna stared at each other. Chrysalis said ‘sorry.’ Inconceivable. If anypony had told the royal sisters what had transpired before them, they would have risked bursting their stomachs from laughing.

“O…kay,” Celestia eked out. “I’ll…see you later…I guess? Be good?”

“I suppose. Oh, and there are more ponies taking a ‘nap’ inside what I think is called ‘Equusmart’. I would tend to them if I were you.” Chrysalis flew high in the air and headed toward Canterlot’s borders.

Luna asked, “Are you certain we should allow her to escape again?”

“I…don’t…I…”

“Uh, are you okay? Big flank Celly?”

“I…I…just…st–”

Luna slapped the back of Celestia’s head. A crude, yet effective way to preform an alicorn reboot.

“I’m just stunned. She. Chrysalis. Apologized.” Celestia lay a hoof on her head, both from confusion and stinging from a growing bump on her head. “Ow, and I am unsure how to feel about a remorseful Chrysalis. Should I be scared that it’s an omen for the end of the world?”

“I admit to being almost as confounded as you, but Twilight would have burned her books as an omen if the apocalypse were nigh.” Luna gazed upward at the fleeing Chrysalis fading further and further from view. “Hopefully, Chrysalis’s attack was merely for old time's sake.”

“And for some reason, it feels like we wouldn’t have had a choice but to let her go anyway. At any rate, let’s help the poor ponies Chrysalis said in inside Equusmart.”

Three days later, in a bedroom of the Crystal Empire’s castle…

All ponies dreaded it. A few ran from it. Yet that time of the month always arrived just the same. A time ponies loathed, no matter their social or economic status. Even when they had accepted it as an inevitable fact of life, the spiteful moment nonetheless inspired boundless aggravation.

“Ugh, bills, bills, bills,” Prince Shining Armor ranted while standing by a table, sorting through a second stack of bills floating in his magic. “To think most ponies believe royalty never endure bill problems.”

Lying on her and Shining’s bed, Princess Cadance sorted through a second stack of bills. “Well, we would have fewer bills if it weren’t for your three ‘Ultimate Dad‘, four ‘Your Alicorn Household and You', and five ‘Playcolt’ subscriptions.”

“Like you can talk, or do I have to remind you of your six ‘Playfilly’, three 'Romance Lovers’, and nine fitness magazine subscriptions?” Shining laid his bill stack beside a third stack on his table. “I know why you wanted them, but did you really needthat many fitn–“

A guard peeked his head through the royal couple’s bedroom doorway. “Princess Cadance, Captain Shining, I received reports of Chrysalis eating love from ponies.”

“She is?!” Cadance dropped her stack of bills, inadvertently scattering them across her bed, and leaped to her hooves. “Where was she last seen?”

“At the Northern Library.”

“Okay. I will go face Chrysalis myself. Tell the other guards to leave her to me.”

“I will. Go get her, your Highness!” The guard bowed in respect, then departed down the hallways. ‘I better tell the others to place their bets on who will win if she fights Chrysalis by herself. I’m putting my bits on Chrysalis.’

“To be safe, I should go…uh, Cadance?“

Cadance beamed, revealing her pearly white teeth. Her recently gained stockier muscles hiding under her pink natural coat flexed in excitement.

“C-Cadance? Why are you smiling?”

“Because the moment I’ve been waiting for is here. You will have a front-row seat to watch Chrysalis try to catch my hooves and magic.” Cadance zipped out of her room in a pink blur.

“Mmm-mmm! She is so hot when she talks like a badflank!” Shining dashed out of the room with his own face beaming. “I hope she saves some of that mood for tonight.”

Like a pink shooting star, Cadance shot through the clear blue sky as Shining Armor struggled to keep up with her on hoof. Showing shades of Chrysalis’s visit in Canterlot, screaming ponies stampeded down the empire’s streets.

“I’m not the same alicorn as before, Chrysalis. You will regret ever ponynapping Flurry.”

A yellow three-story building shone as a beacon for the Princess of Love’s imminent vengeance. As she grew closer, she scribbled a mental note to assist the six pale crystal ponies lying motionless near a “Northern Library” sign adorning a wall. But first, a changeling strutting away down a street was due for a slow, agonizing defeat.

“You, Chrysalis!“ Cadance swept down to a landing before Chrysalis. Alicorn princess and changeling ex-queen stood face-to-face. A fittingly-timed gust of wind flapped their manes sideways. “It’s been a while.”

“Oh? I didn’t expect to see you here so soon, Princess...uh, what is your name again? Cady? Cadence with an ‘e’?”

Cadance’s horn lit with turquoise magic. Her grin darkened into a near-evil one, her muscles tightening at the ready. “Good choice. I was hoping you’d pick the fun way.” She told Shining, who had just caught up to his badflank wife, “Shining, could you move those ponies on the ground to a safer dist–”

“But before you do anything you’ll regret, I’m sorry.” Chrysalis submissively bowed her head.

The “S” word sunk Cadance’s prior grin while deflating her waiting muscles. Her glowing horn dimmed back to rest mode. “Uh, come again?”

Shining pinched his cheek – how ponies can pinch with hooves is among one of Equestria’s greatest mysteries. “Ow. This isn’t a dream, so I second what Cadance asked.”

“I said 'I'm sorry’.” Chrysalis lifted her head from her bowing position. “Besides, I’m full, so I’m willing to leave in peace.”

“No,” Cadance spoke In an icy tone capable of evoking jealousy from even vicious ice storms. “You’re not going anywhere.”

Chrysalis blinked. “No? Princess Celestia would let me leave since I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry all right, but the Crystal Empire is my empire. I’m in charge here, and I haven’t forgotten about how you ponynapped Flurry Heart.” The mother’s wings flared wide. “I don’t care that you went after me, but you will pay for going after my little foal. The other changelings were only following your orders before they reformed, so I could forgive them.”

“Then I suppose you haven’t kept up on your reading, or you would know you have to let me leave.”

Cadance roared in raucous laughter, wiping away a tear born from her laugh attack. “Woo, that is hilarious! I haven’t laughed so hard in years! Why would I ‘have’ to do that because you said the ‘S’ word?”

“Have a read.” Chrysalis floated a book, titled “Old Pony Laws and You”, out of her mane. She must have taken lessons from Pinkie Pie.

“Hehe, okay, I’ll play along. I could use a pre-fight reading session.” Cadance snatched the mysterious book and skimmed through its first few pages, muttering key sentences under her breath. One particular wham line shocked her mouth into gasping. “This can’t be. Villains can’t be punished if they show remorse for their actions? Shining, have you heard of this?”

Shining thoughtfully tapped his cheek with a hoof. “Hmm. I had heard rumors about old unorthodox laws, but I never investigated them.”

“I don’t trust this so-called old pony law book, so I will send Twilight a letter asking for confirmation. She has a book for everything.”

“Here’s a quill and stroll.” Chrysalis floated a green quill and scroll from her mane to Cadance.

“Maybe I should start keeping things in my mane too.” Cadance set the so-called pony law book to the ground, wrote her letter, then shot a blast of magic at said letter, instantly warping it to its recipient.

Thirty seconds later, a new, rolled-up scroll materialized at Cadance’s hooves, which she immediately picked up and unrolled. “That was fast. Now, let’s see if that book is a fake or not.”

Cadance, sorry it took me so long, but a forgiveness law in my “For Everything” book states that ponies with authority, even princesses, are indeed forbidden from punishing villains who say they are sorry. It is an extremely old law even I had never read or heard about before, but it’s a law nonetheless. The only caveat is that it only applies if no pony is physically injured.

“What?!” Cadance shouted, as a sane pony should. “Are you kidding me?! What idiot would even pass this law?!”

You probably just shouted “What?!” but sadly I am not kidding nor do I know who passed this law. I understand why you’ve been dying to annihilate Chrysalis on Flurry Heart’s behalf, but I’m afraid you will have to swallow your pride and let her go. She didn’t come after Starlight, so it’s quite possible she had reformed on her own terms but suffered a couple of…bad relapses. Starlight suffered her share of bad relapses too.

But if it makes you feel any better, you might be Equestria’s strongest alicorn now thanks to your fitness magazines and secret training.

“I think I already know, but whatdid Twily say?”

Cadance blew a long, yielding sigh. “She said her ‘For Everything’ book confirmed Chrysalis’s claims.”

“And again, so sorry.”

She ripped Twilight's bad news-bearing scroll to pieces, all while firing an anguished, revenge-denied scream. For months, Cadance had yearned for a shot to give Chrysalis a no-holds-barred beatdown for the ages! Alas, she is a princess, and every wise ruler knows never to act as if laws don’t apply to them. “Ooh, I hate you so much, but so be it. You really will leave in peace?”

“Yes, but you can keep my quill as a consolation prize. FYI, if you are ruling an empire, you should be called an empress, not a princess. Bye!” Chrysalis flew away and out of the Crystal Empire.

“Perhaps it is best this way,” Cadance said as she watched Chrysalis leave to parts unknown, allowing some of her pent-up hate to leave for greener pastures. “If I had gotten carried away with her, I might have lost myself in anger and became Amore Heartstealer. I had never screamed the way I just did before.”

“But Chrysalis raised a good question: why haven’t you changed your princess status to empress?”

“I tried it out for an hour, but ‘Empress Cadance’ just sounded wrong. ‘Empress Cadence’ didn’t sound any better either.”

Three days later, in Princess Twilight Sparkle’s castle…

Starlight Glimmer rarely encountered challenges she couldn’t rise to. Mastering Cutie Mark-stealing spells? Please. Upgrading Starswirl the Bearded’s time travel spell? Yawn-fest. Learning to control her impulsiveness? She’s…working on that one.

But eating fifteen daisy sandwiches in one setting? That proved to be tougher than expected. Fourteen and three-fourths of them were tucked away inside her swollen, quivering belly. But the remaining one-fourth, waiting on a plate on the kitchen wooden table, omitted an aura comparable to milk well past its expiration date, not what was left of a fresh, delectable daisy sandwich.

“Come on, Starlight! You can do it!” Spike cheered, wearing a supportive smile. “You only have a couple bites leftto go!”

“But you shouldn’t force yourself to eat it,” Princess Twilight pleaded with an anxious frown. “Even the most elastic stomachs can only fill up with so much.”

“Don’t listen to her! She just doesn’t want to lose our bet!”

Twilight pointed to Starlight’s overtaxed stomach. “But look at her belly, Spike! It can’t handle any more!”

“I can…do it…stomach…don’t fail me now.” Starlight willed her magic to float that uneaten fourth of her sandwich to her mouth. She let out a battle cry and stuffed it into her mouth. With Equestria’s most difficult gulp, she sent the final section of her fifteenth sandwich down her throat to reunite with its buddies. The following rumbling from her stomach was possibly a stomach equivalent of swearing.

Spike grinned and pumped his fists upward. “You did it! Now Twilight has to–”

Rainbow and Fluttershy burst into the kitchen, both wearing frowns.

“Twilight,” Rainbow started, “we have trouble! Chrysalis is eating ponies’ love near the Hay Burger!”

Twilight’s eyes widened, pity over losing her bet to Spike and Starlight taking a hike – for now. “What?! Why?!”

“Because she’sChrysalis?” Rainbow deadpanned. “She does that.”

“I mean why is she doing it?”

“Because she’s Chrysalis?” Rainbow deadpanned harder still. “Are you feeling okay, Twi?”

“Never mind. Maybe it’s a misunderstanding. Let’s find Rarity, Pinkie, and Applejack and see what’s going on. Starlight’s magic would be invaluable if we have to fight Chrysalis, but she’s in no shape to fight.”

“No, I can–” Starlight’s peeved stomach rumbled. “–okay, you’re right. I better take a nap in my room and digest those sandwiches. I’ll be with you all in spirit.”

The group sans Starlight hurried out of the kitchen and down the castle's hallways.

Fluttershy asked, “Rainbow, did you feel like a guard reporting bad news to their princess?”

“You were thinking that too? Then again, we are the closest our egghead princess has to guards.”

Outside the Hay Burger restaurant…

*Burp*

Chrysalis tossed an unconscious, pale, freshly-drained earth pony mare to the ground.

“Yep, I should stick to mostly mares.” Chrysalis glanced at three pale (of course) earth pony stallions, all unmoving on the ground. “Stallion love is okay, but not as sweet as mare love. Anyway, those friendship-loving fools should be here in three…two…one…”

“Chrysalis!”

“Right on time.” She turned to the six ex-bearers of the Elements of Harmony and Spike running/flying to her. “Hmm…where is that vile Starlight Glimmer? Taking a nap?”

Spike pointed to the unconscious ponies lying nearby. “Yeah, there’s no way you can misunderstand that.”

“Fine, I was wrong.” Twilight glared at Chrysalis. “As for you, Chrysalis, Starlight is taking a nap right now, but why are you eating love from ponies again?! I thought you said you were sorry to Princess Celestia and Princess Cadance!”

“I did, and I am sorry.”

“Riiiiight,” Rainbow said. “I think you’re saying ‘sorry’ so you can keep eating love as much as you want.”

“Yeah!” Pinkie summoned her physics-breaking abilities to pop her head out from Chrysalis’s mane as if she were already inside. “You can’t say ‘sorry’ when you’re not really sorry!” She hopped fully out of the changeling's mane and crossed her forehooves. “We can only forgive villains so many times before our fans finally get fed up with it!”

Fluttershy meekly said, “Um, not that they aren’t forgiving creatures if our ’fans’ really do exist.”

Rarity chimed in, “I haven’t a clue why Pinkie and even Lyra Heartstrings think some weird apes are watching us, but who do you think we are? Mindless ponies who cannot see the painfully obvious?”

“Yes, but I’m sorry. I’m also sorry that…uh, what is your name? Seriously?”

“I am Rarity. Miss Rarity to you.”

“Right, Rarity.” Chrysalis strode closer to Rarity/Miss Rarity. She lifted a curl of the unicorn’s mane and teased, “As I was saying, I am sorry this mane of yours is awfully tacky.”

Rarity’s pupils flared into blue flames. “TACKY?!” She smacked Chrysalis’s hoof off her mane’s curl. “Not only did you touch my fabulous mane without permission, but you dare call it tacky?! All right, keep back everypony! This changeling is mine!” Rarity lunged forward, fiery eyes locked on the love-eater in her sights, but her body froze while abruptly illuminating in magenta magic.

“Rarity, are you crazy?!” Twilight shouted, her horn glowing in you-know-what-colored magic. “I don’t know if even Starlight could take on Chrysalis alone, and she’s Starlight!”

“Let me go! Slandering my mane is one of four things you never do in my presence! Not if you wish to see another day!”

“I can’t let you go for two reasons. First, Chrysalis said she’s sorry, so the law banning punishing villains who say they are sorry means we can't do anything!”

“Honestly, Twilight, you have got to learn it’s okay to break rules or even laws sometimes! After all, I do it all the ti–uh, that is, what was the second reason you can’t release me to…*clears throat*...POUND CHRYSALIS INTO THE GROUND?!”

“It’s what I said before; you’re not strong enough to beat her by yourself! I know you’re upset–”

“No, not ‘upset’. I am livid!”

“Fine, then I know you’re livid, but you are a unicorn with only normal levels of magic at best! You don’t even have your Element anymore to fight with, remember?”

“Then how about you and I have a little battle so you can see firsthoof how ‘normal’ my magic is when I mean business?”

“Are you crazier?! I can’t fight you; you’re one of my best friends! And not to be mean, but have you forgotten how Trixie embarrassed you? You wouldn’t last ten seconds against me.”

“I could so–”

“Uh, Twi? Rarity?” Applejack interjected. “Chrysalis flew off while y’all were busy squabbling and proposin’ a five-second fight, max.”

Rarity’s body ceased glowing. She and Twilight stared upward, but the sky contained no trace of Chrysalis.

“Well, she’s gone,” Twilight said.

Still fuming from her mane being owned, Rarity snapped, “Hey, our fight would so last longer than–”

*Scream!*

The friends gasped.

Spike asked, “Was that Starlight’s scream?!”

“Oh no!” Twilight swung her head to the Castle of Friendship in the distance. “Chrysalis must have found her, but she’s far too bloated to defend herself! Why did I tell Chrysalis that Starlight was taking a nap?!”

“Because you were too focused on monologuing, that’s why!” Pinkie waved her hooves toward the castle. “We gotta go help her before Rarity becomes the only unicorn out of us again!”

In Starlight Glimmer’s bedroom…

Starlight lay on her back on her floor, paler than usual and lacking energy to budge a hoof, but unharmed. Her kites lying by her dresser, walls, and bookshelf wished they could help their creator to her hooves, but couldn’t, being kites and all.

“Ugh, she just had to throw me off my bed to rub it in. How did she find my room so easily? It took me weeks of searching to even find the throne room back when I was trying to get revenge on--”

The cavalry AKA six familiar ponies and dragon dashed through the downed unicorn’s doorway. Fluttershy and Twilight went to check on said downed unicorn while Spike scooped up a letter on a dresser stating “I’m sorry. Signed, the hottie Chrysalis. P.S. Nice kites.”

Spike said, “Chrysalis claims she’s sorry again and apparently thinks she’s hot.”

“She’s not wrong about her being ho–uh, that is, on the bright side, I don’t feel so bloated anymore.”

“And that you’re okay,” Fluttershy said. “We were worried Chrysalis might have done something far worse to you.”

Rarity dismissively huffed (to the zaniness of the situation, not how Starlight wasn't hurt). “But law or no law, we cannot allow her to keep getting away with this by saying ‘sorry’ every time. What if she starts to actually harm or even kill somepony?”

Twilight answered, “There’s no danger of that. The forgiveness law only cover villainous actions that don’t injure anypony. Considering she only drained Starlight of her love, Chrysalis must be aware of the forgiveness law’s limits.”

"Huh?" Starlight asked. "What forgiveness law?"

Applejack answered, "It's some wacky old law that says villains can't be punished if they apologize."

“So that big bug can’t take our lives, but she can make our lives miserable by eating love as long as she says 'sorry'.” Rainbow looked down at Starlight. “We should be glad Starlight never heard of that law, or she might have tried to use it to get away with stealing Cutie Marks back when she was evil–er no offense.”

Starlight giggled. “Well, I can tell Sunset that I finally got my first ‘no offense’.”

“And congratulations!” Pinkie cheered, confetti flying throughout the room. As is the norm, do not question how Pinkie Pie did that if you value your sanity. “You are now an officially reformed villain!”

On the outskirts of Ponyville…

“Suckers.” From the air, Chrysalis looked over Ponyville, her belly full of pony love. “It’s a wonder ponies don’t walk into walls every five minutes because they are so dumb! I wish I had learned of that ridiculous law ages ago! Ha ha ha ha!”

She gazed toward the distant Castle of Friendship. “Yesss, I will even allow Starlight Glimmer to keep living even after I’m unstoppable from the love I’m feasting on. She had some of the tastiest love anyway, but why did it taste like daisies?”

Author's Note

Just for fun, what would you say are the other three things you never say to Rarity or else?

Also feel free to mention any grammar errors I missed in this story