The Problem With Gods

by RunicTreetops

Rating: everyone
Tags: Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mystery, Bon-Bon
Length: 1924

Sometimes, you need to learn when to cut your losses.

As an agent of S.M.I.L.E., I've always had one goal: Keep Equestria safe from the dangers that the general populace shouldn't know about. It's something not anypony can do, and that's precisely why I do it. The threats I face are fierce, and I don't always come home with a clear conscience. However, in my heart, I know that what I'm doing is for the greater good.

At least, I thought I did.

Published 2024-06-02 19:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2024-06-02 19:10:02 UTC

The Problem With Gods

My name is Special Agent Sweetie Drops, and I’m not allowed to tell anypony that.

I work as an agent of S.M.I.L.E., a top-secret organization with the primary objective of keeping Equestria safe from the dangers that it shouldn’t know about. In the public sphere, the heroes and the villains are obvious. Princess Celestia rules Equestria with a gentle hoof. Twilight Sparkle and her friends use the Elements of Harmony to keep evil at bay. Small town do-gooders like the police and the Royal Guard are there to keep everypony safe. Meanwhile, big bad ponies cloaked in shadow, beings of pure chaos, grumpy dragons, and the occasional timberwolf or two are the bad guys that need stopping. It’s simple. It’s easy.

It’s untrue.

Well, sort of. It technically isn’t wrong, but it’s far from the big picture. Do you really believe that evil can start and end with an alicorn that was “overcome by greed” and “freed by the power of friendship?” If only life were so simple.

Extraterrestrial life. Paranormal activity. Anomalous behavior in the environment. Cults that gather in the dark corners of our fine country. These things are little more than tall tales to be told around campfires to most ponies.

These things are why S.M.I.L.E. exists.

I’ve dealt with things most ponies only see in their nightmares. I’ve seen what alien life looks like. I’ve gotten lost in buildings that shouldn’t exist, their interiors stretching out into infinity. I’ve seen what the afterlife looks like, and I have reinforced my intention of not dying anytime soon because of it. I’ve seen a town become overrun with zombies, and I’ve put down a town of ponies I once knew with my bare hooves.

However, it wasn’t until today that I ever realized what my job might truly entail.

Just a few months ago, a curious case was brought to our attention. A cult near Manehattan had apparently made contact with some sort of demonic entity. I was tasked with finding their hideout, discovering whether or not our information held any modicum of truth to it, and eliminating the threat if it exists - including the cult members. I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be a pretty job, but something about it piqued my interest.

Cult activity is nothing new for Equestria. In a nation filled with ponies that can utilize the magic of the world around them, it’s no surprise that more than a few would develop delusions of grandeur. Necromancy, time manipulation, attempts at communicating with other planes… I’ve seen it all before. And with enough studying and enough magical power, these things are indeed possible. That’s all the more reason for ponies such as myself to exist.

However, this case was a new one. If our lead was to be believed, they actually summoned their so-called “deity.” In previous cases where terms like this were thrown around, it was typically a misunderstanding or a mislabelling of some kind. However, if this cult managed to summon a real demon, we could have had a massive problem on our hooves. Not just with the demon in question, but with the knowledge that such a thing is possible to begin with.

We needed to pluck the weed before it spread. That knowledge could not be allowed to get out.

So, I set out for a run-down shack in the woods near a Manehattan suburb. It became clear very quickly that this cult had no idea what they were doing. The shack was obvious. Any creature that just happened to be wandering by would see it clear as day. It was run down, sure, but that doesn’t exactly do much to make them look competent. That said, there was a massive problem.

I felt the shack before I saw it.

When you’ve been in this business for as long as I have, you learn to become sensitive to the magic in the air around you. Being able to feel danger before you see it is often the difference between life and death. And as I walked into those unassuming woods, I felt magic coming from that shack. A LOT of magic.

It takes great strength to carry that much magic at once. Basically the only pony capable of it that isn’t being afflicted by something like the alicorn amulet is Princess Celestia herself, so to feel that level of power was to have indirect confirmation of the worst.

The cult had been successful.

The ensuing battle wasn’t pretty, either. It was a demon, alright. The ugliest freaking thing I’ve ever laid eyes on. Massive, hulking, and grotesque. It shimmered with a strange light that I had to look away from. By the time I reached it, it had already devoured the cultists. As much as I wasn’t looking forward to dealing with them myself, they deserved better than that. The demon was just as powerful as I had anticipated, too. It’s a good thing I’m a trained professional, otherwise I might not have been able to take the darn thing down.

And even then, I got a nasty scar on my leg for my trouble. That wasn’t easy to explain.

However, the deed was done. The bodies were disposed of, the incident was covered up, and while our top researchers started trying to figure out where the demon came from, I got to enjoy a well-deserved rest. For a couple of weeks, at least. Duty calls.

After a few jobs that were more typical for me, I was given a worryingly familiar assignment. A deity that the Kirin worship had apparently arrived in the Kirin Grove. The silent Kirin, of course, made no mention of this to the outside world. It’s a good thing S.M.I.L.E. intelligence is as thorough as it is.

So, I made the long journey to the grove. I didn’t feel great about what I was about to do. After all, the Kirin like to keep to themselves. Meeting one is said to be a once-in-a-lifetime event that most will never get to experience. The fact that I might have had to do some less-than-savory things to them didn’t make me feel great about what I was doing.

Finding the grove wasn’t easy either, but I made it there all the same. Sure enough, our intelligence was right on the money. A massive Kirin easily the size of a house stood tall among its people. Just like with the demon, I felt it before I saw it. Also just like the demon, it was difficult to look at when it gave off such a brilliant light.

The effects of its presence were immediately noticeable. The Kirin around it looked like they were in a trance. They had empty, dumbfounded smiles on their faces. As it gave orders in a warm, kind, otherworldly, unfathomably pleasant and inviting voice, I realized just how dangerous this thing was.

It was their god, and they were its thralls.

In truth, I’d rather not recount the details of that battle. Their god was not the only casualty by the time my job was through. However, the thing that bothers me most isn’t what I did. It’s what I almost did. For when that… thing demanded in its booming, unimaginably homely and familiar voice that I stop my assault, I very nearly did. My convictions were as strong as ever. It wasn’t convincing me of anything, yet I was nearly brought to heel by the sheer force of its demand.

Perhaps that is why the rest of the Kirin were so beholden to its wishes.

I went home with a heavy heart that day. I didn’t sleep a wink that night, either. That case was getting under my skin, and it wasn’t just the blood on my hooves causing it. Whatever our researchers were able to figure out, I intended to be there to hear the results myself.

Those results wouldn’t come until weeks later, with my most recent case.

…Well, perhaps I shouldn’t call it “my” case. In fact, it was hardly a case at all. Queen Chrysalis led her army of changelings against Equestria once again. It was another misguided effort on her part, as a combination of the Royal Guard and the Elements of Harmony were more than enough to halt her advance. However, this one went particularly poorly for her. She was defeated before her army, and a few panicking drones had to carry her off of the battlefield as they retreated. For all intents and purposes, this event shouldn’t have mattered to me, and it certainly shouldn’t have mattered to S.M.I.L.E..

But, according to our intelligence, a few ponies noted that Chrysalis was shining with a strange light at certain points in the battle. Even more worrying was the news that came days later, reporting that Chrysalis never left the hive. The one that was ferried off of the battlefield and the troops that fought with her seemingly vanished off the face of the earth following the battle, never to be seen again.

That sure sent our researchers into disarray. With the reports of that strange light, there was a common thread between three of our cases. Moreover, one could argue that the demon, the Kirin god, and Chrysalis have another commonality: All are considered a “deity” by some subset of the population. With these leads, our researchers started digging through our case files.

And just like that, everything clicked. A passing mention of light here. A strange entity like those painted on ancient diamond dog murals there. This isn’t a new occurrence. Whatever is going on, it’s been happening for some time. We just never noticed.

As is the nature of science, we cannot “prove” the eventual conclusion we came to. However, evidence strongly suggests that we might be right. That conclusion?

If there is enough belief in a god, that god will become real. It likely embodies the thoughts and values of those that worship it, but whether its true nature falls within the wishes of its thralls or somewhere else entirely, we cannot be certain. However, the fact of the matter is that on more than one occasion, gods have walked among us.

Apparently, I’ve slain gods before. How my head is still attached to my shoulders, I’m not really sure.

This revelation was more of a relief than anything. The mystery was gone. It’s definitely troubling knowing that seemingly any group of disgruntled creatures can just summon a god in an attempt to further their own ends, but we’ve proven on multiple occasions that these gods are not infallible. If anything, the worst part about taking them out is having to also deal with those that summoned them. I’ve been lucky that the groups I’ve faced thus far have been relatively small.

So long as Equestria remained happily ignorant, we would be safe. Everypony could continue to live their lives in peace while I and my fellow agents took on the unfortunate task of slaying gods in the shadows. For me, that was enough.

But now, as I stand in the center of Canterlot on a routine patrol, I realize how foolish I was. How even agents like myself can remain happily ignorant to the truth.

Because today is the day of the Summer Sun Celebration.

And Celestia has never shone so brightly.

Author's Note

Something a little more experimental to shake things up as I work on bigger projects.

As always, I appreciate any and all feedback!