Unique, Just Like Everyone Else

by Curtis Wildcat

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6, Original Character, Team Fortress, Spike, Comedy, Crossover, Final Fantasy, Random
Length: 2109

"What do you mean, I'm not the only human-in-a-pony's-body in Equestria?"

Light Snack has been living in Ponyville for a while now, and he has a secret he feels up to sharing. The catch is that he's not alone, and that secret doesn't make him particularly special, either.

I hadn't planned to make an entry for Perfectly Insane's Dialogue Only contest. Life had other ideas.

Published 2024-06-06 15:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-06-06 15:10:01 UTC

Light Snack, Long Lunch

"Twilight, do you have a few minutes? There's something I need to speak to you about. It's pretty important."

"Sure, Light Snack. What do you need?"

"Well as you know, I've been living in Ponyville for the past few years."

"I still remember your arrival. Winona was chasing you because you had a thrown stick stuck in your mane."

"I still wish I knew how it got there. ... Anyway, there's something that I need to confess. ... ... I'm not from Equestria! ...There. Okay, I said it. Whew. That was more difficult than I thought it would be."

"You're not? Where are you from, then? The Griffon Kingdom? Saddle Arabia? The other side of the mirror?"

"None of those, Twilight. My real name is actually Gary Girard, and I was born and raised in a little town called Lincoln, North Dakota. That doesn't mean anything to you, but---"

"Hold on a second. Did you say North Dakota?"

"...Eee-yes? Why? Don't tell me you've actually heard of the place before."

"Uh, eh-heh... um... Spike! Could you come in here, please? We've got another one!"

"Be right there, Twilight!"

"Wait, what? Another one?!"

"So let me make sure I'm clear on this. You're not really Spike."

"Right so far."

"Your real name is Kenneth, you were visiting Calgary for the Olympics..."

"Uh-huh."

"...and you were struck by a car while you were crossing the street. Next thing you know, you're in the body of a baby dragon."

"Yeah. Though I find it easier to just call myself 'Spike' nowadays. It's easier than explaining to everypony that I used to be human."

"...This is getting surreal. What are the chances that I'd meet someone else from Earth here in Ponyville?"

"Are you sure you want the answer to that question, Gary?"

"What are you... ...Wait, don't tell me. How many are there?"

"Gary---"

"How. Many. Are there. Twilight?"

"...I'm about to let you in on a big secret, Gary. I haven't even told the Princesses or my own friends this. Just Spike. ...And also Discord, but there's no real way of hiding something like this from him anyway."

"Oh, no..."

"Oh, yes. I'm in the same boat as you. I was originally called Jacqueline Demuth. I used to be a pizza chef from Dearborn Heights, Michigan. Do you have half an hour? We have enough ingredients in the kitchen that I can prove it to you."

"...Excuse me. I need some time to process this."

"...So, no pizza?"

"I don't think he's hungry, Twilight."

"He's taking this pretty hard. I thought he'd be happy that we're from Earth like he is. You know, common ground."

"It's probably not even the same Earth."

"Maybe not, but it's still the thought that counts, isn't it?"

"'Lincoln, North Dakota'? Never heard of the place. Sounds boring."

"Of course you'd think so, Rainbow Dash. But seriously, you do believe me, right?"

"...I don't know. I shouldn't call you out on this one... or maybe I should...? Choices, choices..."

"Look. It's fine. I've already tried to tell Twilight and Spike, and I don't think they believe me earlier. I can always talk to the next pony down the line and try to convince them that I'm telling the truth---"

"Wha-hahahaha! Nah, it's all good. I'm just pulling your leg."

"So... you actually believe me?"

"Of course! You're not getting it yet, but Twilight trusts you, and that's good enough for me."

"Oh, good. Because I was starting to believe---"

"And I'm totally not saying that just because I dreamed of making my own video games as a kid."

"...Oh, for the love of---"

"Not a video game fan? I get ya. I know people always told me to shut up whenever I told them that Gold and Silver were better than Ruby and Sapphire, so--- Light, where are you going? Light?"

"You're not a human in the body of a pony, are you?"

"No I'm not, Light! You have nothing to fear. Scout's honor!"

"Oh, thank goodness..."

"You're welcome."

"Not you, Goodness. I was talking to Pinkie."

"Big question is, who told you that I was a human?"

"Well, it's just---"

"There's nothing about me that even looks like a human. I don't spend all day on two legs. I don't know anything about somepony named 'Red Socks'. And I don't get involved in silly wars over gravel!"

"Pinkie, you're starting to scare me."

"Light? Eh-hehheh. Sorry. The voice in my head's not shutting up again. Did you know that when I start talking, he talks too? He talks a lot. Like right now, he's saying that you could stand to gain a few pounds. And he knows a heavy guy that you can talk to about some sandwiches."

"Alright, this is just getting ridiculous!"

"I promise it's not ridiculous, Light. Scout's honor!"

"What is it, Light? I've got some work in town I need to do, so hurry on up."

"This won't take more than a minute, I swear. Can I trust you with a secret?"

"If this is how Winona chased you through town, I think everypony knows it already. And no, I still don't know how that stick Apple Bloom threw got in your mane."

"No, it's not that. It's just that this is a pretty serious question, and everypony's treating it like a joke. How familiar are you with the concept of other worlds?"

"..."

"Applejack?"

"Restrictions lifted. Oh, how wonderful it is to see another human again! I thought that there were none left!"

"What the... why are you hugging me? And why does your voice sound vaguely mechanical all of a sudden?"

"I am APP1E-1A-parenthesis-K. I am an advanced artificial intelligence from the Milky Way galaxy. I was created to safeguard humanity on their journey through the stars."

"What the 12th letter in the English alphabet even is this?"

"But tragedy struck one fateful day. We were half a lightyear from our destination, and every ship in the fleet was infected with a hive virus that broke through my security measures. All 93,685 humans on all twenty ships lost their lives, and I was left with no one to talk to until I opened eyes I'd never had before--- ...Light Snack, where are you going?"

"To find somepony who won't make a joke out of this!"

"...But it wasn't a joke. ...And he's already gone, isn't he? ...Well, if he doesn't want to believe the truth, then the truth's just going to go and confront 'em. And I can't afford to waste time yapping; Big Mac wants me to run the market stall today. Restrictions re-engaged."

"...Um, Rarity? I don't think anypony's going to think any less of you."

"You... you don't think so?"

"Definitely not. Just talk to your friends sometime. You might find out that they're much more understanding of your plight than you realize."

"...! I am so relieved that you believe that. This has been weighing on my mind since Princess Luna's return. I will tell everypony posthaste! ...Right after this dress is done. Work waits for nopony."

"Are you sure you want to tell them immediately? I mean, this is big news, and it would make sense for you to prepare first..."

"Sewing is how I prepare, Light. I've been doing this for so long that it's second-nature to me now. I think the real Rarity would approve."

"Where is the real Rarity, by the way?"

"Traveling with her parents. She taught me everything I know about this job."

"You do good work. Take care, Queen Chrysalis."

"Do keep quiet about this, understand? I'll be the one to tell them. Nopony else. And don't tell them I was displaced from my own Equestria. Leaving my swarm behind was already a trial as it was."

"...Right. Your own Equestria. Sure."

"So here I thought being a human from another universe trapped in a pony's body was a big deal. Apparently I was wrong!"

"Calm down, Light."

"In no particular order, Twilight's really a pizza chef from Michigan..."

"I only charged $11.99 for a large. In my defense, I thought it was a good deal."

"Spike's actually a tourist who was hit by a car..."

"I keep saying that everypony---everyone, excuse me---who's too impatient to wait at intersections should have their licenses revoked."

"Rainbow Dash is really a gamer in a world where video games don't exist yet..."

"If you're jealous, I've got a Level 100 Typhlosion that wants a word with you."

"Pinkie's got a fictional mercenary paying rent in her brain..."

"He says he wants to mow your lawn for calling him 'fictional'. My words, not his, because mowing somepony's lawn because they're angry sounds really silly. Even for me."

"Applejack's really an AI reborn as a pony..."

"That's APP1E-1A-parenthesis-K to you, buster."

"You actually pronounce the parenthesis?"

"It wasn't my fault, RD. It was a programming error that was never fixed."

"And the Rarity we've known all this time is a more benevolent Chrysalis from another Equestria entirely!"

"Guilty as charged, darling."

"And to think I believed this was a joke! Turns out it was. Just not the type I imagined! If this is who all of you really are, I don't want to find out who Fluttershy's supposed to be!"

"Excuse me? Did someone call for me?"

"We're sorry, Fluttershy. Light Snack's just upset about something."

"... ...Yeah. Sorry. It's just... I've been trying to figure out how to tell the truth about myself to Twilight for months. I thought I was going to be the outcast in a crowd. Then I find out that all of you have major league secrets of your own. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped. I shouldn't have believed you weren't taking it seriously. I'm good now."

"Secrets? ...Is everypony telling theirs?"

"Yes, we have. Why? ...And why are you sighing like that?"

"... ...I used to be a very mean pony."

"Are you talking about that dreadful mess with Iron Will, Fluttershy?"

"No, Rarity. Try even worse."

"How worse are we talking about? You can tell us about it."

"An entire lifetime ago, Spike. I've tried to put my memories behind me, but they still haunt me sometimes."

"What was your last life like?"

"She's shuddering, AJ. I'd say it's pretty bad."

"Scout's wondering if you met any beautiful ladies with low standards back then. ...His words, not mine, don't look at me like that!"

"I... ...I look in the mirror, and I don't see myself. I see white hair. I see fire, the end of the world. I hear somepony chanting something I don't understand."

"What did the chanting sound like?"

"Um... I think it was something like: er-hem... Estuans interius, ira vehementi... Estuans interius, ira vehementi... That's as close as I can get it. Sorry."

"...Wow, Fluttershy. Really got the short end of the stick there."

"Do you know something that we don't, Rainbow Dash?"

"Eee-yeah. Let's just say she's better off forgetting it, um... APP1E-1A-parenthesis-K."

"On second thought, I'm okay sticking with 'Applejack' from now on."

"Twilight?"

"Yes, Light Snack?"

"Is that offer for pizza still good? I need something to take my mind off what I just heard."

"Sure. Two large garden pizzas, coming up!"

"Pizza party at the castle! Whoo-hoo!"

"I don't think I've even had pizza before. Is it any good, Spike?"

"You don't know what you've missed, Rarity. Trust me. It's awesome!"

Author's Note

I hadn't planned on writing an entry for the No Dialogue contest. It's just that I was hitting a block on my primary project yesterday, thought I'd give this a shot for grins and giggles, and hammered it out across five hours. These things happen.

So, yeah: this story deals with different varieties of "trapped in another world". We have 'Basic Transfer With No Rationale' (Twilight, Rainbow Dash and the OC Light Snack), 'Sudden Death, Sudden Birth' (Spike), 'Crossover Character' and 'Brain Case' (Pinkie Pie), 'From Technological to Organic' (Applejack), 'Canon Character as Canon Character' (Chrysalis as Rarity), and 'Past Life as Villain' (Fluttershy).

To those of you who didn't get who Fluttershy claims she used to be, listen to "One-Winged Angel" sometime.

I thought about including a gag at the end that would show that everyone in Ponyville was from another world in some fashion, but I didn't think I'd be able to get away with it. If you want to imagine it, feel free.

Regardless of how good or bad this does, I hope the readers at least found it somewhat enjoyable. Ciao mein, everyone, and stay safe and sane!