Newbie Dash (Alternative)

Chapters

Chapter 1
Chapter 8
Chapter 32
Chapter 37
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49

Chapter 1 Author's Note

Hi everyone, long time no see.
I’ve been working on this for a few days now. The idea has been bugging me ever since the premier of Newbie Dash, and since I relapsed with my eating disorder, I’m using MLP fic writing to vent and cope again.
I figured I’d post what I got so far and see if anyone’s even interested in this. Cheers.

Update: I took this down after receiving some truly crushing hate comments (not on fimfic) that killed my already fragile confidence, but I also had two caring people message me on here about me taking this story down, so I am re-submitting it for those who like it, and the haters can just click on the X on the page and get on with their lives.

This story is about the struggles that come with living with a mental illness and trying to recover while their brain is trying to kill them. If that’s not your cup of tea, then that’s absolutely fine! Nobody is forcing you to stick around :twilightsmile:
For everyone else: welcome back and I hope you enjoy :heart:

Chapter 1

“Every pony knows you’re a great flier, Rainbow Dash. But so are the rest of the Wonderbolts. It might be more challenging than you think.” Twilight, ever the voice of reason, tells Dash, decreasing her ego instantly.

Well, at least a tiny bit.

“You’re right… maybe I should put sunglasses on-”

Spitfire explains the schedule to Dash as they walk around campus. They enter the dressing rooms, where Spitfire looks for the tailored suit for Rainbow Dash.

“Well, go ahead, try it on and then we’ll go for warmups.” The leader tells her, and Dash’s pupils grow large once again when she lays eyes on the Wonderbolt suit that is officially her own.

Spitfire continues to tell her about the specially prepped meals that are served in the canteen, when problems start to arise, in the form of Dash not able to squeeze herself enough to close the zipper. “We have to make sure to get enough protein, so- What’s going on?”

Panting a bit from trying to suck in her stomach to make herself leaner, without success, Dash asks, “are you sure these are the correct measurements?”

“Well, yeah. They used the same ones that they used to make the suit at Rainbow Falls.” The leader replies, confused. She tries the zipper herself, to no avail. Inspecting Dash’s midriff, she remarks, “looks like you’ve put on a few pounds since then.”

Utterly humiliated, Dash’s heart sinks whilst Spitfire seeks out a larger suit from an ex-Wonderbolt. “Here, try this one.” She says, handing it over.

It looked huge in comparison to what Dash was supposed to wear, and at first she couldn’t help scoffing, but then simply did as she was told.

To make matters worse, this bigger size was more manageable, but still just a bit tight around her middle. She doesn’t bother saying anything, though, just glad to be able to close the zipper this time around.

“Alright, grab your goggles and then let’s go.” Spitfire says, leading the way.

After they trained the choreography and Dash was struggling to memorise it, the team called for a break, and they all went to the cafeteria after a quick shower, after which Dash had spent an extra two minutes in front of the mirror, trying and failing to suck in her stomach to make herself look lean.

At the cafeteria, she was almost ravenous, always getting an appetite from workouts.

“Woo-hoow, slow down there, Dash!” Fleetfoot laughs. “You’re going to have to wear one of Soarin’s suits tomorrow if you keep eating like that.”

Absolutely mortified as the others laughed, Dash could no longer bring herself to eat the other half of her food. She goes airborne and brings her tray over to the empty rack, before flying back outside to try going over the choreography on her own.

“That was way out of line.” Spitfire scolds her partner seriously.

“Yeah, but did you see the pudge on her? She was way better in form at Rainbow Falls. Are you sure she’ll be able to keep up?” Fleetfoot asks.

“She was pretty exhausted after we got through it, earlier.” Soarin adds, a bit worried that Fleetfoot was right.

“She made it through it well enough. She deserves this chance, and you will stop mocking her for putting on a bit of weight. We’ve all been there.” Spitfire says in a no-nonsense manner.

The others nod, looking guilty, and quickly finish eating their food to get back to training.

By the time Dash finally arrived at her home, she was utterly exhausted, and hungry, and simultaneously had no appetite at all.

Opening the door, she’s met with a confetti explosion and her friends yelling “Surprise!”.

Dash doesn’t even know how to react.

“We know you’re probably tired, Rainbow Dash, but Pinkie wanted to throw you a real party.” Twilight explains cheerfully.

“Your Best Day Ever Party!”

They all wanted to know about her day, but Dash would like to just pretend this day never happened. Especially with Scootaloo and her friends also present. She didn’t want to disappoint her sister slash biggest fan by telling them that she’s gotten too fat to fit into her own tailored suit.

How utterly pathetic is that? Just thinking about it makes her feel even worse.

“I’m pretty beat..” she excuses herself, thanking her friends for coming but that she needs to be rested up for tomorrow.

Every pony accepts it and takes their leave, except for a certain purple alicorn. When she goes towards Dash’s bedroom, she could see her cyan friend doing different poses in front of a full body mirror, looking very displeased and even lowering her wings a bit to hide her belly from view.

“Rainbow?” Twilight announces herself softly, but it still startles Dash half to death. “What are you doing?”

Knowing that she was caught red-hooved, Dash sighs. “Twilight, do you think that I’m….. fat?” She asks hesitantly, opening her wings to show all of herself.

Twilight frowns, tilting her head in confusion. “Of course not! What makes you think that?”

“Well….” She sighs again. “Remember that competition at Rainbow Falls?”

Twilight nods.

“They’d taken my measurements back then, and made me a tailored suit with those, but it turns out that I gained weight and I don’t fit…” she finally admits.

Twilight walks closer to her. “Dash, that was over two years ago. Anyone would have gained or lost weight in that time. And besides, as Rarity always says: clothes are made for ponies, not the other way around. Just let them take new measurements and get it adjusted.”

Dash still doesn’t look very happy about that, even if it was the logical solution. To her, it made a lot more sense to simply get back to her old figure. Why go through all that trouble of making adjustments to something that should have fit her from the start?

“I don’t think all the Wonderbolts just get everything adjusted all the time, Twilight.”

“Maybe not, but with their tight regime, I don’t think there’s ever much to adjust in the first place.” The alicorn replies logically. “Rainbow, it was your first day. Don’t let something insignificant like a bigger size mess up your dream.”

Dash sighs, looking back at the mirror. “You don’t happen to have any spells that could temporarily change me back to my old shape?”

Twilight looks sternly at her friend for a moment. “No. But why are you so obsessed about this? You finally get to be a Wonderbolt, your lifelong dream!”

Swallowing down further comments and insecurities, Dash just smiles at her. “You’re right, Twilight. I just have to get the routine down, and then I’ll be flying with my idols at a Wonderbolt Show.”

Thinking that she’s finally gotten through to her, Twilight grins. “And we will all be there to cheer you on.”

“Thanks, Twilight.”

Despite wanting to get enough sleep, Dash simply couldn’t stop thinking about her weight. Her stomach, despite not having eaten since the protein rich lunch at the compound, felt heavy and bloated as she laid there.

By two a.m., she’d figured out a plan. She would just not eat anything tomorrow, put in double the work, and given her very high Pegasus metabolism, she should hopefully fit into her own suit by the time of their performance.

Chapter 8

They talked for a while longer, and Celestia told them that there is a chance that Dash won’t be able to fly until she recovers, since her Pegasus Magic is getting weaker as she starves her body.

It hasn’t been much of a surprise to Rainbow, she’d noticed long ago that it was becoming more and more difficult to fly. To Dash, it was just all the more reason for her to want to recover.

They decided that they would call for a meeting at the castle, so that their friends would know everything as well. But until the others are due to arrive, Twilight tries to get Rainbow to eat a carrot.

“We have to start small.” Twilight repeats Celestia’s words at Dash’s apprehension.

She nods subdued and takes the smallest bite possible. Twilight rolls her eyes at her, but then sobers up. Dash isn’t acting this way to spite her. She’s fighting a deadly disease.

Rainbow needs to take a second, more appropriate sized bite to actually have something to swallow. It would take her a ridiculously long time to finish the carrot, if she even manages to finish it, that is.

When she swallows the first bit and bites off more, Twilight smiles proudly. “You’re doing great, Rainbow Dash.”

Blushing at being praised for something so absolutely not cool, Dash quickly swallows down the second bite. “You don’t have to stay here and watch, you know.”

“I’d rather make sure you’re okay… plus, Princess Celestia said that you might try to hide food to make others think you ate.” Twilight points out. It really is a strange disease, when you thought about it.

After all, how can some ponies be so afraid of food that they go to great lengths to fool everyone around them into thinking they’re eating and doing just fine? It made no sense, even if they saw themselves as obese when the reality was the total opposite.

Furthermore, if Twilight was honest, it sounded more like something that Rarity would worry about. Not an athletic pony with a high self confidence like Rainbow Dash.

But, as she watches her emaciated friend struggling to eat a healthy carrot, she can’t help but wonder if Dash is only acting like she’s got a huge ego, to hide how vulnerable and insecure she actually is.

It sounds even more ridiculous when she thought about how Dash literally just became an official member of the Wonderbolts. She should feel practically invincible, like she can achieve anything. Untouchable.

But if that were true, then why are they here now? With Rainbow possibly on the verge of dying.

It started with her dream coming true, so there has to be more to it than just wanting to lose a few pounds to fit into an outfit.

And if that had been the only reason, she should have started eating normally again, which she hasn’t.

Celestia had told them that the name of Dash’s disorder was called Anorexia Nervosa, and that ‘anorexia’ means a clinical lack of hunger and appetite, which definitely fits, Dash had said so herself. The ruler of Equestria had also said that it was a type of eating disorder, not a weight disorder, as they could occur at any weight, and while the disorder may appear to only revolve around weight and numbers, it’s only a side effect, a symptom, of the actual problem:

Ponies afflicted by an eating disorder, no matter which type, use food control in various ways — be it by eating too much, eating a lot all at once and then getting rid of it in unhealthy ways, or restricting the intake. The latter of which was Dash’s problem.

It was a way to seek control, when the afflicted pony was unable to find a way to deal with something going on in their lives.

This last fact makes it even more confusing why it has suddenly appeared, right when Dash should have been the happiest and most confident she’d ever been.

There’s chatter and the sound of hooves approaching, and Twilight turns her attention back to Dash, who has now finished the carrot and was looking rather unhappy.

“The others are here.” She informs her friend, who sat with her shoulders slumped. “I know you don’t feel well. It will take some time for your body to get used to eating again. Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?”

Dash shivers slightly. “I’m cold, and reeeaally tired.”

Twilight is momentarily confused at Dash feeling cold, but then she remembers the magical pills that slow down her metabolism. There wasn’t much keeping her friend warm, now. She teleports a blanket to them and gently wraps it around her shoulders.

“Thanks.”

Just then, the large doors swing open and the other girls enter the room. They do a bad job at keeping their shock hidden, when they lay eyes on their friend.

“Oh Rainbow, darling! You look even thinner than yesterday!” Rarity is the first to exclaim.

“Girls, please!” Twilight interrupts any more comments from being made. “We had a very long talk with Princess Celestia, and she told us that one of her students had the same problem. She told us everything that we have to do to help Rainbow Dash recover.”

The others all take their seats and look guilty.

“Uhm, recover from what exactly, sugarcube?” Applejack asks hesitatingly.

Twilight shares a glance with Dash, asking for permission. Dash nods, her eyes falling shut for a moment as she fights to stay awake.

“Princess Celestia said that Rainbow is suffering from a mental disorder, an eating disorder, called Anorexia Nervosa.”

Rarity loudly gasps in shock, knowing that specific term. “Oh, darling, I’m sooo sorry!” She apologises to Dash, who just looks confused.

Pinkie doesn’t seem to catch on, either. “So, what exactly is this ‘ana-lexica’ thing-a-ma-gig?”

“Anorexia.” Twilight corrects. “It essentially means that Rainbow doesn’t like food very much, because she sees herself much bigger than she is, and she’s afraid that eating will only make that worse.”

The others seem even more confused now, their eyes falling on the Pegasus in question, who curls up under the blanket in shame, unable to stomach their disbelieving eyes.

“But that’s not the real reason she’s not eating. It’s a way to take back control.” Twilight continues, bringing the attention back to herself.

“Take back control?” Applejack asks dumbfounded. “Ah’m afraid ah don’t fully understand.”

Rarity clears her throat. “I know a bit about that. After all, a lot of really famous models develop this.. anorexia. As the pressures of perfection increase, it seems to just break them… so they look for something that they can control, to feel more in control of their lives again.”

They all turn back to the lump under the blanket again, which has started to snore. They’re all thinking the same thing: maybe the pressure of becoming a Wonderbolt had been too much.

Applejack turns back to Rarity. “But how does eating less and less, help in any way? Ah mean, they have to feel terrible, physically. Ah know Ah wouldn’t be able to buck mah apple trees if Ah stopped eatin’. What’s that sahpposed tah solve?”

“It doesn’t solve anything. It’s more of… a coping strategy. But it’s a disease, it doesn’t make sense.” Twilight explains. “If it made any sense, it wouldn’t be a disorder.”

The others couldn’t argue her point.

“How can we help her?” Fluttershy asks.

Twilight takes a deep breath, then starts to relay everything that Celestia has told her.

Chapter 32

Spike brings the pegasus parents to the entrance of the castle, and finds the newest edition of the Ponyville Chronicle laying outside. Usually the one to go get the mail (since Twilight rather sticks to her books than to read dramatised columns of recent events), he just reaches for it on autopilot, until his brain registers what his eyes are looking at.

Newest member of the famous aerobatics flight group The Wonderbolts, Rainbow Dash, puts a devastating end to the Summer Sun Celebration-

He doesn’t dare continue to read. Why on earth would they put her name out like this? And they even added a full body picture of Rainbow, standing in the masses, and not looking anywhere near the camera, unaware of being photographed. Stupid paparazzi.

“We’ve seen that.” Windy remarks unhappily. Though unfortunate, it was the first column of her daughter as a Wonderbolt that she’d gotten her hooves on, and will be hung up like everything else they have on Rainbow Dash memories and milestones.
“Not really the way I wanted to have our baby perpetuated, but… I suppose it’ll be a reminder of us finally getting to know the real Rainbow Dash.” She finishes with a smile, which her husband mirrors.

“We won’t keep you from… helping Twilight with whatever she has to get done. It was nice meeting you, Spike.” Bow says in farewell.

“Oh, you too!” He waves as they fly off, and as soon as they’re gone, he turns around and facepalms. His hand, holding that godforsaken newspaper, is curling into a tight fist. “This is the last thing they need, right now...” he mutters to himself as he walks through the hallway.

His thoughts are only proven further when he hears the unmistakable sounds of someone throwing up, the closer he gets to the throne room. He quickly hides the hateful papers in his own bedroom, before asking the girls if he could help with anything.

“We’re good.” Twilight replies simply, getting Rainbow to carefully drink some water while Fluttershy gently removes Tank from Dash’s side.

“What’s going on?” Spike can’t help but ask, a bit shocked to see the cyan pegasus in such a bad way. She’d been fine a moment ago… right..?

“Found out the hard way that I can’t digest carbs, apparently.” Rainbow hoarsely replies, then gets a, by now painfully familiar, look on her face, and promptly throws up the water again. They all grimace in sympathy.

“What?!”

Twilight cleans up her friend with a napkin, holding it and the bucket in her magic. “I’ve been following the recommended meal plans and calculated the percentages to meet Rainbow’s specific requirements.”

“And?”

“And, they only have a low percentage of carbs, in a mix of protein and vegetables, to minimise bloating and indigestion, which is a normal side effect of recovery.”

“So..?”

“So her digestive system isn’t used to having only carbs, and such a heavy load at that. We’ll have to build up slowly, so this doesn’t happen.”

Rainbow groans. “Can we please stop talking about food?”

“Sorry.” Twilight and Spike apologise in near perfect unison.

“I can make you some chamomile tea, if you want to give that a try?” Spike offers sympathetically.

“I’ll try anything that will make this stop.” Rainbow declares, sweat continues to trail down her face as she pants for air. Spike grabs the teapot and hurries off to the kitchen.

Twilight frowns in thought, checking Dash’s temperature with a hoof to the forehead. “No fever…”

“I’m not sick.” Rainbow glares. It’s a futile effort, considering how ill, exhausted and overwrought she looks right now.

Twilight decides to ignore that claim. She checks her pulse next, finding it unsurprisingly fast, with a couple extra beats here and there from the strain. “I’m getting a bit worried, you’re losing too many fluids. And you really don’t want to take off the clothes?”

“Yes!”

“It’s just that you’re sweating an awful lot.” The alicorn points out, wanting to minimise Dash’s electrolytes falling off balance.

Rainbow sighs. “It’s a stress response. I’m not sweating because I’m hot.” She explains, barely managing a normal volume with how sore her throat is.
In fact, she was still shivering slightly, which also had nothing to do with her temperature. It was all only because her body seems to be trapped in fight or flight mode, thanks to the pain and her disordered brain still panicking.

“I can vouch for that.” Fluttershy chimes in. She has seen the normally cocky pegasus falling apart like this more times than she could count.

“I just don’t understand why you still keep… getting sick.” Twilight says, trying to be more considerate in her wording.
There was nothing worth bringing up in Rainbow’s stomach anymore, yet she keeps throwing the water right back up every time she tries to drink the tiniest amount.

“It’s more the nerves, I think…” Rainbow admits, wincing at her still churning stomach.

“Nerves?” Twilight parrots, confused. “But.. everything went pretty well with your parents..?” She couldn’t understand why this would escalate so much now, when the talking is done and her parents are gone.

Not wanting to explain it in words, Rainbow points to her own head with a hoof for a moment, before heaving a defeated sigh.

“…you’re worried about something?” Twilight guesses. It’s right after she says it, that everything finally clicks in her mind.
Rainbow repeatedly refusing to take off her clothes and expose her body.
Being forced to eat from a highly caloric meal.
Openly declaring that she is far from perfect (and sounding like it’s much more deep-rooted than just casually saying it to make a point).

Dash may have not said it, but it’s so obvious to her now that she’s under a lot of stress. And Twilight has learned firsthand what stress does to the cyan pegasus, and more specifically to her stomach.

“…Twilight?” Fluttershy brings her back to reality, and the alicorn figures that she must have been staring into the void.

“I’m an idiot.” She declares, and gets two sets of dumbfounded eyes staring at her. She throws Rainbow an apologetic look. “I didn’t realise you were struggling so much today… I’m sorry.”

Embarrassed at being found out, Rainbow manages a faint blush on her pale face. “It’s not your fault… I thought I could handle it.” She admits, ashamed.

The others share a concerned glance. “Today is just a bit much in general.” Twilight offers, but she doesn’t mention that Rainbow really should have taken a few days to just rest, before tackling any family problems. At the very least, they have one less thing to worry about, although they now have to get through this new obstacle.

Spike comes running into the room with the tea, for which Dash is more than grateful, and Twilight can’t help thinking about how awful Rainbow must really feel, if she’s this willing to drink teas, after stubbornly declaring them ‘not cool’ enough for her.

In Carousel Boutique, Rarity is levitating multiple cut pieces of different fabrics onto a mannequin, working on finishing her winter collection before fall is over.
With her in the room is Applejack, offering opinions here and there, but the designer work isn’t the main focus of the two friends.

“Ah know that I should talk to her, but I’m just so gosh darn scared of sayin’ the wrong thing again, and makin’ her worse.” The farm pony confesses nervously.

Rarity secures the positions with her pins, before turning around to her friend. “Applejack, darling. I know that you two don’t always see eye to eye, and most of the time you’re busy competing against each other. This whole situation isn’t easy for any of us, least of all for our poor dear Dashie. We’ve all messed up when it comes to dealing with her… condition. She’s not going to hold it against you.”

“That’s different, though. Yes, we all said things we know we shouldn’t have, but you didn’t see the look in her eyes.” Applejack laments, taking her hat down and holding it in front of her chest. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that something just… broke. Inside of her. When I yelled at her…”

It doesn’t help that the last time she’d seen the pegasus, Dash had been weak, exhausted, and somewhat defeated, lying in that hospital bed.
She knows that Dash is already back with Twilight — they all know about her ‘great escape’ — but somehow, all she can see when she thinks about Rainbow Dash, is that… that hollow shell she’d seen at the hospital. And it feels like she lost a friend, even though Dash is alive and, while maybe not well, she’s surviving. She’s right there, and yet, it feels like she’s not.

She just isn’t the same prideful, daring, better-than-anypony-else pony.
She’s still stubborn and impulsive, but it’s not in a good way. Not good regarding her own health, that is.

Rarity looks at her thoughtfully, then takes off her glasses and sighs. “I know that it’s hard to believe this, but she is still our Rainbow Dash.”

“Have you seen her?” Applejack can’t stop herself from half-heartedly snapping in disbelief.

“She’s ill, Applejack. I don’t deny that. But there’s more to her than this illness. Even you have to see that.”

“She won’t even drink our cider anymore! CIDER, Rarity!” Applejack shouts, then seems to physically deflate as she sits down with a sigh, hanging her head.

The fashionista comes over to her side, gently bringing her hat back on the top of AJ’s head. “And yet, she managed to pull of a Sonic Rainboom, just to prove to us all that she’s still the same ‘awesome pony’ we all know and love. Her illness only tries to dictate what she eats and drinks, and that is hard to overcome. But it doesn’t change her personality, or that she cares about us.”

Applejack couldn’t deny her words, but she still feels like she doesn’t even know one of her best and closest friends anymore. “Ah guess I’m afraid that she can’t beat this, and we’ll lose her. Y’all heard what the doc said about her heart. And I was stupid enough to push her twice now.” She throws the unicorn a terrified look. “Imagine if her heart had given out during the Leaves Race. Or when she was flying, yesterday. And it would have been entirely my fault.”

“Oh, no, no nononono no.” Rarity tuts. “None of us knew the full extent of her physical condition. Remember what Twilight said? She’d only seen Dash rub at her chest that one time. Rainbow never mentioned anything, to any of us. Perhaps she hadn’t thought much of it, herself, if she was getting chest pains and wasn’t feeling as enduring as usual.”

“How could she not notice that? Ah definitely wouldn’t brush off having chest pains.” Applejack points out.

“It’s common in, well, eating disorders, to ignore or downplay symptoms. Need I remind you that Rainbow Dash fainted on us right after her first show, and she kept saying that she’s fine?” Rarity reminds her. “I’ve seen many models pass out right before or after their turns, and they just acted like that was normal and nothing to worry about. Drove me crazy sometimes, truth be told.”

They stay silent for a moment, thinking, until Applejack shakes her head.
“Ah just can’t imagine going through something like that. And Ah hate to think of Dash goin’ through that, dealin’ with who knows what symptoms and never saying anything.”

“Hm, yes, I know what you mean, dear…” Rarity sighs, sitting herself down next to the earth pony. “I keep wondering if we could have prevented it from getting this bad, if only we had seen the signs.” She reflects, thinking about the column on the front page of today’s newspaper. They’ve all seen it by now, and Applejack had barely been able to get to Rarity’s house, thanks to seemingly half of Ponyville asking her about Dash.

Applejack looks puzzled at her. “What do you mean?”

Rarity grimaces. “I saw that she wasn’t looking too well after the entrance show, and I could have sworn I saw her touching at her chest, but I never would have thought…” She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes for a moment, before continuing. “I keep wondering if we could have prevented the near disaster if I had taken her to a medic tent or just begged her not to fly again.”

Applejack barks a humourless laugh. “As if she would have done any of that. That pony is almost more dead-set on following through with her duty than I am, and that’s saying something!”

“Perhaps…” Rarity agrees, saddened by the idea that it was unlikely that any of them could ever stop that determined pony. Then, that same thought makes her smile. “Same old, unstoppable, un-defeat-able Rainbow Danger Dash.” She muses.

Applejack gets the hint of a smile at that. “Same old, stubborn, thick-skulled, cheating, impulsive,-”

“Now you’re just flattering her.” Rarity jokes, and they both share a brief laugh. Then, they get serious again. “Depending on how Rainbow is doing, we should all be at the castle over the weekend again. If you feel like you need to set things straight with her, I’m sure that you two will find a moment, then. And if you’re still too worried about what to say, we can have the talk in a group.”
She gets up and goes back to the current design, suddenly finding that she’s missing a piece. When she whips around, she finds her cat Opal scratching the missing piece to shreds underneath her working desk.
Rarity groans in frustration, and starts drawing the pattern onto the fabric a second time. “That is, if I ever manage to finish this collection by the end of the week.”

Chapter 37 Author's Note

Research suggests that Anorexia Nervosa is as much a metabolic disorder as it is psychological.

I’m just gonna say this now: yes, I am a twidash shipper, BUT in this universe, they are just really, really, really close friends, who have a mutual understanding of each other that could easily rival some old married couples, but there will be no romance or ‘feelings’.
Because I cannot for the life of me write romance and relationship stuff. Trust me, I will ruin it. I cope by inflicting emotional pain and suffering on my characters, in case you somehow couldn’t tell yet, lol.
(You should see my Sherlock POTS/chronic illness series on AO3. If any of those readers happen to be here: you guys already know what you’ve gotten yourselves into when I’m the author, hahaha)

Chapter 37

“Don’t worry… I’ll get there.” Rainbow promises her sister, who is still clinging to her, looking utterly crushed at the news.

“Surely we can figure out a way to help?” Rarity asks the group.

Twilight nods. “Like flying with you,” she unfolds her wings for a moment in emphasis, “and I can always catch you with my magic, if need be.” She suggests to the pegasus.

“Oh! Oh! And a giant bouncy castle, so it’ll be fun to fall!” Pinkie shouts excitedly.

The others wince at the suggestion (and volume), but Rainbow can’t help smiling, feeling touched by her friends wanting to support her, instead of making fun of her, or straight up laughing at her.

“What do you think?” Fluttershy asks her.

“Honestly, I’m just surprised you guys aren’t laughing.” Rainbow confesses.

“Laughing?!” Her friends exclaim in disbelief.

“Why would we laugh at you?” Twilight asks, feeling somewhat hurt that Rainbow thought any of them would actually do that.

Scootaloo looks like she’s about to cry.

“I just…” Rainbow sighs. “I’m me. I’m a Wonderbolt. I was flying before I could walk.” Although not very good, at least to begin with. “How can I be afraid of falling? And so much so, that I can’t fly anymore?”

The others share saddened looks.

“Nope.” Pinkie speaks up. “Still no funnies here.”

“The sky is your element. I’ve never seen another pegasus fly like you do. Knowing that you can’t do the one thing you love doing the most, is anything but funny to us.” Twilight says gently but seriously.
She could still picture the pegasus randomly flying upside down, effortlessly, simply because she could. Not a single hint of doubt or fear at the danger she’s putting herself in, because she knew exactly what she was capable of. Because it was as easy and natural as breathing to her.

She now also understood why Rainbow hadn’t simply said something about it, days ago.
And Twilight could relate, to some extent.

She’s the Princess of Friendship, and she’s still embarrassed and upset about the way she had betrayed Moondancer. The unicorn is as much a bookworm as Twilight, they never had a single argument, and yet, her own studies have caused Twilight to simply drop her like a hat, and leave Canterlot without looking back. Her studies have always come first, she remembers guiltily.

Apart from Pinkie, she never told the rest of her friends about it, simply out of shame.
She doesn’t expect them to downright laugh at her for it, but she does expect some level of disappointment in her, at the very least. Even if none of them would really fault her for it, or take it personally, or think that she’s not real friend material after all.

Maybe I have a lot more in common with Dash than I ever thought I would. She muses.

When they eventually relocated to the throne room, Applejack asked Rainbow if they could talk for a minute, just the two of them. Rainbow saw Rarity give them a nod before joining the others, leaving the two most stubborn of the friend group to talk things out.

“So.. what’s up?” Rainbow asks once they’re alone in the hallway.

“An apology.” Applejack replies. “Ah haven’t been fair to you, and it’s put you in danger twice now.”

Rainbow frowns in confusion for a moment, until she realises what she’s getting at. More importantly, what her motives are. She facepalms. “Urgh, not you too.” She whines.

“…what?”

“Can you guys please stop blaming yourselves for something I did?” Rainbow asks rhetorically.

“You wouldn’ta done it if I hadn’t-”

“So we had a minor disagreement! Big deal!” Rainbow interrupts.

“That ‘minor disagreement’ led to you feeling like ya had to prove yourself to us.” Applejack points out. “And Ah wish that ya wouldnt’a ever been in that position, in the first place.”

Rainbow has to look away. She doesn’t want to talk about this anymore.

The farmer comes right in front of her, gently guiding her head so the stubborn pegasus is giving her eye contact. “Sugarcube, why didn’t ya say anything? Ah can’t help ya if you don’t tell me what you need me to do. Ah just wanted to help, but Ah only made things worse.”

Rainbow rolls her eyes and pushes her hoof away. “Yeah, like you would have believed me. Face it: nothing I could have said, would have made any difference.”

A bit taken aback, Applejack frowns as Dash turns away again. “Of course I would’ve! Ah am the Element of Honesty, Dash. I know when I’m being lied to or not!”

Rainbow glares at her. “There’s a difference between knowing when someone’s being honest, and actually believing them.”

“Now what in the hay is that sahpossed tah mean?” AJ asks, not understanding her point.

Rainbow rolls her eyes. “Nothing. You’re forgiven, so you can stop blaming yourself. Can we move on, now?”

Applejack glares.

“What?” Dash asks disinterestedly.

“How can you be so cold about this? You almost died, for pony’s sake!”

“Yeah, ever think about how that little detail might make me not want to talk about this anymore?!” Rainbow finally snaps, wings briefly flaring in anger.

At once, the earth pony realises her mistake. She’d just wanted to genuinely apologise for putting her friend in harms way. She hadn’t considered that maybe Dash would rather forget it ever happened. Especially now that they all know how that event is still affecting her.

Twilight suddenly comes out to the two. “Everything okay out here?”

“Fine.” Rainbow says sharply, and with that, passes the two ponies. She enters the throne room, where the atmosphere is a lot less tense.

Twilight turns her gaze from the closing door to the earth pony, raising a curious eyebrow.

“Ah just wanted to apologise. You know, for what happened at the festival. But she wasn’t having none of it.” Applejack explains. “Ah know she can be stubborn about tellin’ us what’s really going on, but she’s gotta learn one day that running away won’t solve anything.”

“What do you mean?” The alicorn asks.

“She didn’t wanna talk about what happened at the celebration, and I get that. But she refused to listen to anything I said, and told me to just stop blaming myself, for something she did.”

This sounds very familiar to the alicorn.

Applejack continues. “Has she ever talked to you about that day? Like, really told you what happened?”

Twilight nods. “She told me about your argument, and that she honestly hadn’t been feeling well enough to do the second show. If only I had been there,… I mean, I could have just told Celestia that we can talk later…”

“Now I get what she meant with wanting us all to stop blaming ourselves.” Applejack remarks ruefully. “Twi, if you’re gonna blame yourself for not being there, then I’m just as much to blame for saying the wrong things.”

They both chuckle at the irony of it all.

“Ah guess I can understand her now. Ah mean, if our roles were reversed, I’d tell ya to stop blaming yourself, too.” Applejack admits.

“I won’t say that we’re completely innocent, but I suppose we can stop playing the blame game, if it helps Rainbow move on.” Twilight suggests.

Applejack nods. “Let’s find a way to get her back in the sky, where she belongs.”

Later…

Inside the throne room, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow and Scootaloo are in one group on one side, with Spike handing out freshly baked chocolate chip cookies on a plate.

On the other side of the room, Rarity is half-heartedly talking to the alicorn about the upcoming fashion show, but the fashionista has more pressing questions on her mind than her own fashion line.

“Twilight dear? I have been wondering… if Rainbow lost so much weight in a matter of days, how on earth do pegasi deal with, let’s say… a stomach bug, or just anything that would make it so they can hardly eat for days?” Rarity asks curiously. “I remember when Fluttershy caught a bad cold, a few years back. Poor thing was practically only surviving off soups and teas for at least two weeks. But she didn’t turn into, um… pardon the wording, but, a 'walking skeleton'.”

Twilight looks stricken for a moment, but when she looks over to the others, they don’t seem to have heard her. “Under normal circumstances, the body adapts to the changes in food intake. If we fasted for a day or two, our metabolism would slow down after the body has gotten rid of all the toxins, and then switch to ketosis if we don’t start eating again. Our bodies can hold up homeostasis pretty well, this way.“
She sighs.
“In Rainbow’s case, her body is used to the… 'irregular feedings', after years of restricting and skipping meals, and combined with her heavy exercising, her metabolism didn’t adapt normally when she was starving herself. It must have switched to burning her fat and muscle right away, essentially eating itself to keep her steadily supplied with energy, just so that her body and organs could keep up with what she demands of it…
To be honest, it’s as fascinating as it is worrying, how used to it her body is, that she was still able to perform like that and didn’t collapse sooner.”

It’s part of the reason Twilight is afraid of missing a relapse in the future, if Rainbow is able to keep going, until her body is literally about to give out; the resulting weight-loss being the only outward sign, which is easily covered up.

Twilight continues. “I’ve read that pegasi already have a faster metabolism than the other races, since they need to be lighter in order to fly, and even more so if they’re athletes, which Dash obviously is. I guess it’s a good thing that Fluttershy isn’t nearly as active, if she didn’t lose much weight then, or maybe her metabolism is just slower in general, for a pegasus.”

After all, the timid pegasus doesn’t have a track record of needing daily, scheduled naps during the day. It just goes to show how different, individual and unique each pony is.

Rarity hums in thought. “In that case, is she going to keep taking those pills that Celestia gave her, for the rest of her life?”

Twilight shakes her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. There’s a reason her metabolism is the way it is, and we don’t know about long-term effects. It was necessary, to save her life. But constantly slowing it down, at this point, could possibly cause damage to her body in the long run, and I don’t want to risk that.”

“Oh dear. I hadn’t thought of it that way before…” Rarity admits, horrified at the idea of the pills harming their friend in the long term.

The alicorn nods. “That’s why we’re going to try to get her off them soon, preferably even before winter is here.”

“So soon?” The unicorn asks softly, glancing back over to the pegasus, who is barely managing to participate in eating half of a cookie, (Spike is holding the other half), while the others are practically scarfing them down. She turns back to Twilight. “Is she really ready for that?” She asks, worried that this is not going to end well.

Twilight follows her gaze and watches their friends. Rainbow must have felt her eyes on her, because the pegasus suddenly looks straight at the alicorn. Their eyes meet, and a moment later, Dash finishes her part of a cookie, before laughing at something Pinkie Pie said.

“We had a few hiccups, but she’s been doing very well, all things considered.” Twilight says confidently.

“I just hope you’re right about this…”

“Well, if it comes down to it, we can just get her back on them, and try again at a later time.” Twilight reassures. “Besides, it’s not like she’s going off them completely, tomorrow. I still have to run some tests, make sure that her heart has fully recovered, go over my calculations again, see if I’ve missed anything,…”

Rarity just smiles as Twilight continues rambling on, being reminded that Dash is definitely in the right hooves.

The girls had fun telling stories of silly moments that happened during the last week. Even though they all have had to deal with angry town’s ponies and, in Rarity’s case, even the press asking for comments, but that is of no importance to the friends.

They rather laugh at the funny memories than to focus on the negative, and they’re all glad to see Dash laughing wholeheartedly again. It’s nice to have a break from the drama, the constant obsessive thoughts, and forget about her problems for a few hours.

Twilight was especially surprised when Rainbow had seemingly no issues eating with everyone else from the buffet they’d made. That is, until she saw the way Dash kept checking whether or not Scootaloo was paying attention to her, and only taking further bites if the filly was talking to her long enough to make it obvious if she didn’t, which only became apparent to the alicorn halfway through the meal, and more obvious as time went on.

For a moment, Twilight found herself a bit angry at Rainbow for not telling her sister. But she quickly realises with a heavy heart, that Dash is also still a role model for the pegasus filly, and probably just doesn’t want her to ever think twice about enjoying food. Maybe it really is better if Scootaloo never learns what eating disorders are, if only to prevent another pony from developing one, if they’re susceptible to it.

Not that that had stopped Rainbow Dash from developing one, so it was wishful thinking at its finest. Twilight could definitely sympathise with not wishing this disease on anyone, and she’s not even the one actively suffering from it.

Rainbow became noticeably quiet after lunch, but Scootaloo of course didn’t know why, and was getting worried that she had done or said something wrong to upset her.

The cyan pegasus would love to be able to excuse herself, claiming to just need a nap and going into her room, but sleep could not be further from her mind. She’s itching to go for a run around the castle hallways, or do a hundred wing-ups. Anything to get this anxiety to stop buzzing underneath her skin — and that is precisely why Twilight still forces her to stay with her or Spike after meals.

To her luck, she was starting to feel a need for the bathroom, and didn’t hesitate to inform the others of it before promptly leaving the room. She just needed a moment to herself, so she could get a grip on herself and-

“Keep the door unlocked.” Twilight quietly commands, having apparently followed her without her noticing.

Rainbow stops right in front of the bathroom door and turns to face her. “Seriously?”

The look on the alicorn’s face is all the information she needed to know just how serious she is.

“Fine.” Dash says, closing the door behind her, but keeping it unlocked. It wasn’t like Twilight couldn’t teleport inside, or just unlock the door with her magic or anything, if she truly felt like she had to intervene or whatever. Rainbow couldn’t fathom what the alicorn is apparently expecting her to do, that would require an intervention.

The pegasus tries not to think about the alicorn standing guard outside the door while she does her business. Once she’s done, she takes a moment to splash cold water on her face from the sink. Her brain is still screaming way too high numbers at her, and she couldn’t believe she actually ate so much. The day isn’t even halfway over, how in Equestria is she supposed to add dinner and snacks to that?!

The pills. My metabolism must be getting faster. Otherwise I never would have managed all of that. She reminds herself. It’s fine. It’s all fine. I can do this. Just have to remember that I’m not as fat as I think I am.

She makes the grave mistake of glancing up at the mirror hanging above the sink, and all her resolve just cracks apart. She lets out an involuntary gasp at the (horrible, disgusting) sight-

“Rainbow?”

-Which of course Twilight heard.

Horse apples! Rainbow curses in her mind whilst forcing herself to take a slow, deep breath, and clutches the necklace under her clothes that she never takes off anymore. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’mFineI’mFineI’mFine- “I’m fine!”

“Are you sure?” The question is asked in a soft, careful tone. Rainbow prays that it’s not because one of the others is close and could overhear, least of all Scoot.

Rainbow forces herself to take another deep, slow breath. Then she mouths inaudibly, “everything is going to be fine, everything is going to be fine, everything is going to be. just. fine.” to herself.

When she exits the bathroom again, she held her head high and smiled at the dumbfounded alicorn.

The temporary bravado could only last so long. Rainbow kept getting lost in thought, presumably arguing with the demons inside her head.

Applejack found it a bit amusing, how the featherbrain had “the attention span of a rotten apple”, when none of them could keep the pegasus from mentally drifting away from their conversation.

“Aaaand she’s gone again.” The farm pony remarked when it happened yet again. “Whooo-wee! We really ought to get her flying again.”

“What does flying got to do with it?” Twilight asked curiously.

“Ya mean ya haven’t noticed how she usually can’t stay focused on topic unless she’s hoverin’ above our heads the whole time? Speakin’ of which, it’s an odd feeling, not having to look up all the time when I’m talking to her.”

Twilight made to say that Dash has been doing pretty well at staying focused, until she remembered the slowed metabolism, which they’re beginning to reverse.
Perhaps her rapid metabolism has something to do with the way her brain works… The scientist in her hypothesised. It did make sense, the way she could take note and memorise even the smallest of details when she’s flying. Featherbrain, quite literally.

“See what I mean?” Applejack pointed to the feathered appendages that remained folded on either of Dash’s sides.

Fascinating. The alicorn thought as she watched the pegasus’s wings repeatedly twitching, when Rainbow was (briefly) engaged in conversation with Scootaloo again.

When the time for dinner was coming near, Twilight could just tell that Rainbow was nearing her breaking point. Luckily, Scootaloo had been picked up by her aunts a while ago, so the only other ponies here were their friends, who understood when the alicorn casually called it a day and more or less ushered them out.

“Tell me what’s going on inside your head?” The alicorn asks, noting the way the pegasus is growing more and more fidgety and couldn’t stay still anymore.

It takes a while for the pegasus to reply, her eyes almost constantly flicking about as she starts to pace in a circle. “Too much.” She eventually says, and picks up into a steady trot.

Sometimes, Twilight wishes she knew of a mind-reading spell. Unfortunately, even if such a spell existed, it would most definitely be against the law.

“Could you be more specific?” She asks helplessly.

Rainbow continues to pace, and Twilight wonders if the pegasus had even heard her, or if she’s already lost in her own head again, as it seems to keep happening all day, today.

“Dinner is ready!” Spike happily calls from the kitchen, and Rainbow immediately brakes to a halt.

Twilight raises an eyebrow at the pegasus, whose eyes widen, as though she just got an idea.

“Can I serve my own portion this time?” She asks innocently, and almost excitedly.

Her sudden enthusiasm leaves Twilight more than suspicious of her motives. “No.” She replies firmly.

Taken aback, the pegasus falters for a moment. Then she keeps going, coming up to the alicorn. “Please? I’ll have to make my own decisions at some point again, right?”

She does have a point, but they are still faaaar away from that happening any time soon.

“Tell you what: I’ll do the portions, and you’ll get to choose your own from them. Deal?” Twilight offers.

They still got enough leftovers from the buffet, which Spike warmed up and just added some fresh, cut-up fruits, and a bowl of gemstones for himself, to it.

Putting her plan into action, Twilight fills three plates with adequate amounts of pastries, vegetables and fruit. Then she places all of them on the table, right in front of Rainbow, so she could choose.

Or at least, that had been the plan.

For any other pony, the decision would be simple: just take whichever one they prefer, in terms of taste preferences.

But not for Rainbow Dash. This isn’t about taste. This is all about numbers, and Twilight mentally kicks herself again for having triggered that part of the disorder back to life.

“Rainbow.”

“Yeah yeah, just, let me-”

Twilight could tell that Rainbow is desperately trying to calculate the calories of each option, so that she could choose the one with the least amount. Even if it was just a minor difference of 10 calories or maybe even less than that, it would be her obvious choice.

This is not on.

“Pick one. Now!” She orders.

“I will! I’m just trying to decide!” Rainbow defends, her eyes never leaving the three plates, trying to take in every small detail, guess the amounts of ingredients, go through the numbers inside her head, get a close enough estimate for every individual part, and tally them all up.

Twilight has finally had enough. She levitates the dishes up in the air and rapidly mixes them up, so none of them could tell which was which. The shocked and horrified look on Dash’s face told her everything she needed to know that she was right in her assessment.

Eventually, she places them all down on the table again, and just sets them out, herself. No more decisions for Rainbow today.

“Don’t even try to calculate them. Just eat it, without thinking about it.” Twilight warns when she sees the look in her eyes once again.

Spike only watches, keeping any remarks and questions to himself, and simply eats his own serving, trying to pretend that nothing out of the ordinary is happening.

“Easier said than done.” Dash grumbles. “I can’t help it. It just happens on its own.”

We have a lot of unlearning to do, still. Twilight thinks bitterly with a sigh. If it’s even remotely possible to not look at food and only see numbers, that is…

After dinner, Twilight had of course wanted to talk to her about what Pinkie Pie had said, but the pegasus stubbornly claimed that she was way too tired after today, secretly hoping that she’d get out of her before-bed-snack.

That plan worked, until the guilt of having disappointed everyone brought her back into the kitchen, fetching and eating one of the snacks once everyone else had turned in, after all. Partly because it now feels almost wrong not to follow Twilight’s plans, and partly because she actually feels like she needed something before she could fall asleep.

Of course that would prove to be a horrible mistake. Or at least in her mind, it is the final straw. The straw that broke the camel’s back — or in her case, made the disorder intolerably strong.

Why the hell did I eat all that? WHY?!

Rainbow could tear out her feathers at her own stupidity and lack of self-control. It’s close to midnight now, and she’s aggressively pacing around the halls, desperately needing to do something to rectify her mistake.

Why in Equestria did I do that? I’m not in that hyper metabolism state thing, and I’m not training for a show. There’s absolutely no excuse for eating all of that. What the hell is wrong with me?!

She keeps uselessly flapping her wings as she trots around, never taking off, but allowing her to move almost noiselessly. She couldn’t risk waking anyone. Not until she figures out what to do.

Which is, of course, a lot more difficult to do when you have someone constantly scolding you inside your head.

Just imagine how disappointed the Wonderbolts would be, if they could see you right now. Eating all that junk without a second thought. Not a care in the world.

Say, do you even know how much protein you got from that, today? I’ll tell you how much: not even half of what you’re supposed to get! All those calories, and nothing useful. I thought you wanted to lose weight, so why are you eating like you’re trying to become obese in record time?!

How do you ever want to be a Wonderbolt if you can’t even follow the simplest of rules? 90 grams of protein per day, minimum. More if you’re working out for more than four hours. You know the rules.

If you continue slacking off like this, you might as well quit the team right now, before you embarrass yourself even further.

She knows that she’d messed up today. The anxiety is keeping her heart racing away in her chest, unable to slow down to a healthy resting rate. The very feeling of all that food she ate, being digested and converted, is driving her up the walls.

Her rounds and rounds around the castle are put on hold when her stomach finally gives the tiniest hint of nausea rising inside of her, and she beelines to the closest bathroom. (It’s almost frightening how well she knows her way around. She’s definitely spending too much time in this admittedly huge castle.)

She waits for the inevitable to happen, her mind continuously tearing her apart for her mistakes. She regrets every bite, every crumb. She should have had more control over herself! That’s the one thing she’d always had, even when she didn’t have any friends, back when she’d utterly sucked at flying. When she was only known as the laughingstock.

Even when every other filly and colt hated her, she’d always had the strength to control herself. Because of the small, harmless, innocent voice, who was her only friend that never left her side, and who gave her the confidence to keep going, living right inside her head.
When the others were digging in like gluttons, even at a young age she wouldn’t stoop to their level. She was in complete control of herself. She was better than them.

Not anymore~. The voice sing-songs inside her head.
It used to be nice to her, helping her, coaching her, telling her what she had to do to be better, to become better, to succeed. She had known that she could trust it blindly.
But now it’s only doing the complete opposite. It’s mean, cruel, controlling and downright abusive, always criticising and never praising. Nothing she does will ever be good enough to appease it, and no matter how hard she tries, she just couldn’t escape it.
And she’s left wondering when and how that even happened.

Now you’re just like the rest of them. You’re no better than anypony. You’re a failure, a pathetic loser. How could you ever think that you were special? That you were above anypony else?

I mean, just look at yourself!

She does. Despite the darkness, she could still make out the silhouette of her own reflection on the mirror.

She’s disgusting.

Rainbow had to take off her clothes a while ago, having suddenly felt too claustrophobic in the light and stretchy, soft material. She’d seen Tank making a nest of it and sleeping in it, probably relishing in having her smell so close to him, before she left her room. But she couldn’t focus on that.

Her full belly is seemingly hanging off of her body, with not even a hint of her bone structure or muscles in sight anywhere. Everything that made her beautiful and proved her worth, is swallowed under a layer of shameful, disgusting fat. Even her once defined face seems rounded with chubby cheeks.

Now that she could see all of herself, she feels close to retching.

But nothing happens.

She feels ill. She hates herself so much.

So why isn’t she throwing up?!

Rainbow is now close to full-on panicking. She’d normally have thrown up twice by now, but for some weird reason, even with her stomach being all queasy, she didn’t feel like she would be actually sick anytime soon, despite getting dangerously close to hyperventilating in her panic.

Why isn’t she getting sick?! She should be-

And then, it hits her like a ton of bricks.

Twilight’s spell.

That spell she’d cast, that stopped her from throwing up.
It must have lasting effects, because this is most unusual for her.

The worst part is that she feels like she absolutely should be sick right now.

It needs to happen.

She needs it to happen.

She needs her stomach to be empty, right this second. It’s the only reassurance she could get, that would make it all okay again. She needs to redeem herself. She needs to get back in control.

As much as she hates it, she would give her left wing for the relief that it would bring.

Maybe it’s just a force of habit. She’s so used to it happening when she’s so overcome with worries and fears.
It feels like something is missing.
Something that she really, really could not live without, right now, in this very moment.

If it’s not gonna happen naturally, then you’ll just have to help it along. The voice tells her.

Rainbow considers it for a split second.
A horrible, utterly hopeless split-second.
Then.. “oooh no. No way. Uh-uh. Noo no no no no-”

“Dash?” Spike’s concerned voice startles her half to death. She gasps so hard that it catches in her throat, causing her to cough for a moment.

“Spike?! What are you still doing up?!” She demands, because she’d been so sure that the others were fast asleep. He’s standing in the doorway, which she hadn’t even closed in her hurry to get in here, and falsely assuming that no one would be up and about, anyways.

He crosses his arms. “I could ask you the same. Better yet: what are you doing here?”

She wants to snappily ask him what he thinks she’s in a bathroom for. If only she wasn’t sitting opposite of the toilet, clearly with no intentions of using it for what it was made for.

She’d been caught. Worse yet, who knows what he might have walked in on, had he only been a moment too late. She’s losing all control over herself, it seems. Anything could have happened, truth be told.

A very sad and shameful truth, that is.

“…please don’t tell Twilight.” She begs in a quiet voice, ears pinned back in shame and guilt.

Now he really knows that something is wrong. “You know that she’ll have to know. I’m definitely not going to keep secrets from her.” He tells her sternly.

“You don’t even know what I’m-… I mean, what would you even tell her?” She challenges.

“Well… I can always just tell her that I found you in the bathroom at night, and that you asked me not to tell her about it.” He replies simply, knowing that Twilight would absolutely chew her out for that one, until she got all the answers.

You really messed up, now. How could you be so stupid as to get caught like that?! You really can’t do anything right, can you?

Her stomach is still churning from all the heavy, calorie loaded food, and now she definitely has no choice but to keep it down. And at this point, that is simply not an option anymore. She has to get this out, now, before it could make her fat. Or, well, more than it already has, anyways.

But Spike is not budging, and if she does anything now, he’s sure to wake up Twilight, and then she’ll be in even more trouble.

Finally, the pressure just became too much. Trapped between only the wrong options, not knowing what to do or say to fix any of this, she just curls up on the cold tiles with a soft whimper, and cries.

Chapter 2

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Chapter 3

By the end of the day, when she was by herself, Dash finally managed to squeeze into her own tailored Wonderbolt suit, and it was such an amazing feeling that she briefly forgot about the exhaustion, dizziness, hunger, nausea,.. all of it.

Can’t wait to get home and finally eat something. She thinks, relieved, as she puts the garment back into her locker, for the first time with a smile on her face. A very tired smile, but a smile nonetheless.

On her flight back to her cloud house, Rainbow Dash has to hurriedly take a break on a cloud as her dizziness evolved into her vision turning black. She lays on the cloud for a few minutes, waiting for it to pass.

This was nothing new, truth be told. In the past, sometimes she had been too busy with her cloud duties, then immediately afterwards training her tricks and working on her flying skills, that she sometimes forgot to eat anything all day, only to almost black out by the time she finally got home.

So she knows that she simply had to wait it out. Her body always got the hang of it, eventually.

And it does. Her vision returning, she continues on the rest of the distance, albeit feeling rather weak and wobbly, and even a bit like the world keeps spinning as she flies.

Finally back at home, she makes herself a bowl of oatmeal and supplemental proteins, but keeps the portion smaller than what she would regularly eat. After all, it wouldn’t do her any good if she binged right when she finally fits in her suit.

Dash has a nightmare that night, dreaming that, during the show, her body was growing larger and larger, ripping the fabric all over, growing bigger until she could no longer keep herself airborne. As she crashed like a giant ball of lard, the ponies watching them laughed at her, calling her ‘Rainbow Crash’ and ‘Rainblob Splat’.

She awakes with a start, and immediately jumps out of bed and in front of her full body mirror, checking herself out, and thankfully finds herself just the way she should be looking.

Fit. Lean.

In fact, if she inhaled deeply enough and pushed out her chest a little, she could even make out a few of her ribs. Even more so if she sucked in her, once again flat, stomach.

She sighs in relief, then realises that it was already bright enough in her bedroom for her to be able to see herself. Dash turns to her windows and notes in horror that the sun was already up. She had overslept!

With no time to lose, she only makes quick use of the bathroom, has a quick stretch, and then zips fast as lightning to the Wonderbolts compound.

She arrives just in time. The others are already dressed and waiting outside.

“Finally. Thought you were a no-show.” Fleetfoot complains.

Dash is panting heavily for a moment, feeling a lot more tired from the exertion than she’s used to. “No way! I’m the element of loyalty, I don’t abandon my friends, or my team mates.” She says with confidence.

“Well, hurry up, Dash. We have to leave in ten minutes.” Spitfire tells her, eyeing their newest team member calculatingly.

“Aye aye!”

When Dash is in the locker room, Soarin steps closer to Spitfire.

“Did she seem alright to you?” He asks, obviously having noticed as well that Dash didn’t seem like herself just now.

“She looked pretty worn out. But the first few days as a Wonderbolt are always tough, on any pony. Maybe she hasn’t been working out as much before she got the spot. Maybe she couldn’t sleep well from all the excitement.” Spitfire offers, shrugging.

And then Dash joined them again, doing a bit of a proud strut, much to the mild annoyance of the others.

“Come on, let’s fly!” Spitfire commands, and off they go.

A bit bummed that her weight-loss remains unnoticed, Dash still feels self confident at being able to do this show in her Wonderbolt suit.

Her friends start cheering when they notice her, but she couldn’t go to them just yet. In just a few moments, it was showtime.

She gulps down a last drink to try to get the black spots away from her vision, and before she knew it, the show began.

Dash loves flying, but even more so does she love having an audience. Add to it the fact that she is flying with the Wonderbolts, as a Wonderbolt, herself, wearing her own Wonderbolt uniform, and flying a Wonderbolt show, and you get the happiest pony in all of Equestria. (Probably.)

But in the last bit of the performance, Dash stopped being able to see clearly. Her vision was constantly blurry and tilting, and at times she forgot to flap her wings and thus lost a bit of speed. But it was barely noticeable, thankfully.

Finally they finish up, the crowd erupts in cheers and screams, but Dash couldn’t hear it. Her hearing was like under water, she was struggling to keep her eyes open and keep flying.

They land hidden behind their tent, and Dash’s legs instantly collapse beneath her. She lays there with her eyes closed for a moment, and Spitfire gets a drink for her while Soarin tries to get her back on her hooves.

“Here, drink this.” The leader commands gently, and Dash at least manages to sit up, struggling to hold her head up.

It was one of those re-hydrating drinks with all sorts of vitamins and minerals. All of them grabbed one, and Dash had to admit that it did make her feel a tiny bit better.

“You did good, Dash.” Fleetfoot praises.

“Thanks.” Dash smiles tiredly. “I think I’ll go see my friends. They’re probably waiting for me already.” She says, getting up on shaky and unstable legs, but she manages to make a dignified looking exit.

She is very quickly thrown over by a hyper Pinkie Pie. “THAT. WAS. AWESOOOOOME!” The earth pony yells loud enough to shatter Dash’s eardrums. Her hearing has once again gone back to the ‘under water’ feeling, so she at least heard and understood her perfectly.

“Thanks, Pinkie.” Dash replies, weakly pushing the other pony off of her.

“Are you quite alright, darling?” Rarity asks, all of her friends now standing around the Pegasus. The others, except for Pinkie, were mirroring the white unicorn’s concern.

“Sure. I just flew my first show as a Wonderbolt, of course I’m fine!” She exclaims louder than necessary, but as she gets back on her feet, she stumbles dizzily. One of her friends pushes themselves against her side, but Dash’s vision has once again gone black so she couldn’t tell who.

“Whoa there.” It was AJ.

“Rainbow, when’s the last time you ate something?” Twilight asks, but all Dash could hear was vibrations.

“Huh…?” She asks, and then she feels herself falling as she passes out for good.

Chapter 4

She wakes up in the medic tent. There’s a strange pressure around her left foreleg, and when she opens her eyes to look down, she sees bandages holding an IV in place, a bag of saline hanging above her on a standing hook. She’s laying on a little hay bed, a medic pony nearby is writing something on a notepad.

“Rainbow? Can you hear me?” Twilight asks, being the closest to the Pegasus.

Dash is glad to note that her hearing was finally functioning again. “Yeah. What happened?” She asks. Her head hurts, as does practically half of her body.

“Y’all fainted on us.” Applejack says, thoroughly worried.

Dash winces at having been seen so weak. “Sorry.”

Rarity tuts. “Ugh! Don’t apologise for that! But darling, is everything alright with you?”

Dash looks down to her bandaged up leg again in shame. “I guess I might have overdone it a bit with the training.” She looks up again at her friends. “But I only had the last two days to learn the routine and get to their level!” She defends.

The others share a slightly angered glance.

“That was pretty mean of them…” Fluttershy remarks. The others nod in agreement.

Dash sits up, glad to note that she felt a lot more stable now. “Yeah, well, what’s done is done, and anyways, I did pretty well, all things considered.”

Rarity frowns. “What things, darling?”

Twilights eyes widen and she picks up Dash’s currently discarded Wonderbolts suit with her magic. The tag inside has Dash’s cutie mark on it. She gasps in horrible realisation.

“Twilight, what is it?” Rarity asks her fellow horned friend.

The alicorn ignores her question, and regards Dash instead. “Rainbow, did you stop eating to fit into your outfit?” She asks seriously.

Her eyes widen. “No! Of course not!” After all, she had eaten every day, and it’s not like she hasn’t cut back on meals like this before.

“Then how come you just fainted, sugarcube?” Applejack asks next.

Standing up and flaring her wings, Dash defends, “I just told you guys, I’ve been training a lot lately. That’s all, I swear!”

The element of honesty frowns at her friend. She could always tell when someone was lying. But, as long as Dash really was okay, and there wouldn’t be a repeat of what happened earlier, she would live with the lie. “If you’re sure… just.. listen to yer body in the future, Dash. Yah really scared us.”

Folding her wings against her sides, she gives her friends an apologetic look. “Sorry about that. I promise it won’t happen again.”

“Pinkie Promise?” The pink party pony asks.

Dash nods confidently. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

Twilight clears her throat. “Speaking of cupcakes, I’m sure there’s something here for us to eat.”

“Oooh! Yes! You guys have to try the cotton candy here!” Pinkie exclaims.

Dash winces, both at the volume and at the idea of eating something so unnecessarily unhealthy. What she needed was protein, not things that would make her fat all over again.

The medic pony steps between the friend group. “I have to check you over before you can go. But at least this can go, now.” He says, pointing to the IV that’s still connected to Dash’s bloodstream.

Dash nods to him, then regards her friends. “Uhm, you guys can go on ahead, I’ll find you when this is done.”

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous, darling. We will wait for you, of course!” Rarity insists, and the others ‘mhmm’ in agreement.

“We’ll wait right outside for you, sugarcube.” Applejack promises, and most of the girls exit the tent to give them more privacy. All except for Twilight.

“Can I help you, Miss?” The medic pony asks her.

“I’d like to stay, if that’s okay.” She replies formally.

The medic pony looks at Dash questioningly.

“It’s fine by me.” She replies.

The medic pony shrugs and simply starts working on unraveling the bandages. Dash tries to stay still, but has to look away when the catheter was removed from her vein. A small bandaid is the only reminder that something was not quite right with Rainbow Dash.

“Now, let’s check your vitals again.”

After getting her blood pressure taken, the medic tuts. “Your blood pressure is still a bit low, so take it easy for now. We don’t want you to pass out again.”

I could gladly live without a repeat, too. She thinks to herself bitterly.

“I’ll make sure she’s okay.” Twilight reassures the stallion, though her focus lays on her friend.

To her surprise, Dash puts on her Wonderbolt suit again. “So, can I go now?” She asks impatiently.

He nods. “Yes, you’re free to go.”

Without further ado, Dash makes her way outside, even picking up into a trot as she reaches her friends, though the minor exertion already made her feel weak and dizzy all over again.

Twilight follows her, and the group then walks around the event area. They repeatedly point out and offer Dash all sorts of sweets that are on offer, and every single time they watch this look of utter disgust taking over their athletic friend.

“Rainbow, you have to be hungry after that performance..” Twilight points out worriedly.

“I…” she struggles to find the right words. But she doesn’t know how to explain that yes, she is hungry, and yes, she normally loves all these foods, but the idea of eating any of them makes her feel physically ill. She could feel her blood sugar and blood pressure plummeting again. She knows she needs to eat something, but there was absolutely no way she could eat any of this… fattening stuff.

She sidesteps dizzily when her senses start to fail her again, and Twilight stabilises her with her magic, being more prepared this time around.

“Dashie, you promised!” Pinkie cries.

“ Pinkie! ” Applejack scolds. “We have to get ‘er something tah eat, right now!”

Twilight lessens her hold to allow Rainbow to sit down.

“We tried! She wouldn’t eat anything!” Pinkie argues, still close to tears.

“Not if it’s a sugary treat.” Twilight realises, and looks around frantically. Finally she spots what she was looking for. “Be right back!” And she runs off, returning a moment later with a basket filled with freshly picked apples. She levitates one right in front of Dash, who has to blink away the blurriness once again.

Everyone waits with bated breath as Rainbow hesitates, to the point where every pony thought she was going to reject even that. Twilight takes an apple for herself, eating it just for show. Dash watches her for a moment, then she finally takes a bite, chews, and swallows it.

The other girls were immediately relieved.

The more Dash ate, the more she was becoming aware that something is not right with herself. Instead of her body being grateful for being fed, she quickly felt uncomfortable and her stomach was heavy. She had to give up after barely eating half of her apple, too nauseous to the point of genuinely feeling like she might be ill if she continues.

“What’s wrong?” Applejack asks the Pegasus when it becomes clear that she was not going to finish it.

“I don’t know.. I just feel a bit nauseous.” She tells her friends, a confused frown on her tired face. “Thanks though.” She offers the rest of her apple to Pinkie Pie, who happily chomps the whole thing in one go.

“But darling? You hardly ate anything!” Rarity speaks up.

“Maybe I just need a nap?” Dash offers. After all, she is still feeling deeply exhausted, and now she knew that her body wasn’t craving food, despite majorly under-eating for the past few days.

“Do you want me to fly you home?” Fluttershy offers. “It would make me feel better if I knew you got there safely.”

“Sure.” Dash croaks, rubbing at her tired eyes. If she’s honest, her wing muscles are sore and feeling just as weak as the rest of her.

The girls watch the two pegasi flying off.

“The poor thing. She looked so worn out.” Rarity tuts.

Applejack hums in agreement, before looking over to their alicorn friend, who looked like she was thinking about something. “What’cha thinkin’, Twi?”

The Princess of Friendship looks like she wants to say something, but then shakes her head at herself. “I think I’m just reading too much into things again.” She laughs nervously.

“What do you mean?” Rarity asks, throwing her a worried look.

“GUYS! We haven’t done her ‘You just flew your first ever Wonderbolt show’ party yet!” Pinkie interrupts. “No wonder she’s so down in the wumpy-dumps!”

Twilight playfully rolls her eyes at that.

Maybe it really was that simple. After all, it’s not like Dash would have to perform anytime soon again, and after a good night’s rest, she is sure to get her appetite back, and everything would go back to normal.

Chapter 5

After sleeping for over 12 hours straight, Rainbow Dash still felt as tired as when she’d gone to bed. But she has to get up, because Tank is standing next to her bed, pushing his empty food bowl closer to his owner.

“Sorry, Tank. Didn’t mean to forget to feed you.” She apologises to the tortoise and gets up, but her vision swims and tilts again once she’s upright, and she briefly sits back down with a hoof held up to her forehead. “Looks like we both could use a full breakfast.” She murmurs, then finally walks into the kitchen.

She fills up Tank’s food bowl before setting it down in front of him, then goes to make her usual breakfast like always, but she pauses halfway through.

She.. wasn’t hungry.

How can I be so dizzy and tired, but I don’t feel hungry? She wonders, curling a hoof around her empty stomach. This makes no sense.

She figures that she’d at least have an apple. Surely she would get her appetite back once she starts eating.

But even that apple seems never ending, and she couldn’t bring herself to swallow a third bite. It was as if her throat had suddenly forgotten that it’s supposed to swallow food, but instead she had this reflex to spit it back out.

What in the hay-

She eventually manages to force down the bite with a lot of water, then surrenders the rest of her barely touched apple to Tank, who has long since finished his own food.

“Maybe I’m just too tired.” She figures, yawning when she thinks about how little energy she still had. “Time for another nap…”

Unfortunately she gets woken up by knocking, an hour later. Trying to rub the sleep from her eyes, Dash tells Tank to go look who it is. She sighs heavily, sleep hasn’t given her any more energy.

Hearing the familiar voice of Twilight greeting Tank, she decides to get up after all. The dizziness is even worse, and she once again has to sink down to her haunches after taking barely two steps, her vision threatening to completely black out. “Ugghhh…” she moans, annoyed at how weak and useless her own body is.

A taunting voice in the back of her mind whispers of how out of shape she had gotten.

Determination fills her and she forces herself to go to Twilight — on hoof, since she didn’t feel well enough to fly. That was certainly a first, for her.

“Hey, Twilight!” She greets with a forced smile.

If Twilight was surprised at her friend’s state, and the fact that she wasn’t soaring through her own house, she didn’t let on. “Hey, Dash. Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, loads.” She lies. She doesn’t know why she lies about this to her (best) friend, and it makes her insecure.

“Great! Pinkie is desperate to throw your.. uh..” she thinks for a moment. “The party to celebrate your first Wonderbolt show.”

That would undeniably include cakes and other baked goods and sweets. Her stomach churns at the idea.

“Oh, uh…”

But she knows that she’d have to get through it, one way or another.

“S-sure. When does she want to-”

“Right now.” Twilight interrupts.

Of course. Dash thinks bitterly.

“Are you sure you’re up for it?” Twilight asks, looking at her friend in concern.

Dash heaves a small sigh, then regards the alicorn with a happy grin. “Of course!” She opens her wings for show, even though she dreads the very thought of flying all the way to Sugarcube Corner.

Twilight accepts her enthusiasm and steps out onto the porch, ready to fly. Dash takes a moment to compose herself a last time before joining her friend. It’s embarrassingly difficult for Rainbow to take off, struggling to keep herself in the air, as though she isn’t an official member of the Wonderbolts and rather a little Pegasus filly that’s only learning to fly just now.

They get to Sugarcube Corner alright, although Rainbow is badly out of breath when they land in front of the bakery.

“Are you really sure that you’re okay? We don’t want to wear you out further if you’re still recovering.” Twilight is saying next to her, her voice sounding muffled and under water once again.

Folding her drooping wings to her sides, Dash holds her head high and tries to ignore the way her heart is hammering in her chest. “I’m fine * pant * I swear.”

Before Twilight could say anything more, Dash is entering the bakery, which sends confetti flying as she opens the door.

“Congrats to your first Wonderbolt show!” The many ponies yell. The Cutie Mark Crusaders, as well as the Cakes are there with her friends.

As well as a lot of cakes, cupcakes and other sweets, apple pastries, and a bowl of fruit punch are strewn across the tables. She feels ill from the smells alone.

“We are so proud of you!” Rarity starts. “You must be so delighted to be finally living your lifelong dream!”

“Yeah, how’s it feel to fin’lly live yer dream?” Applejack asks.

They’re all grinning in joy.

It’s true, Dash has managed to achieve her lifelong dream. She should be over the moon.

So why does she only feel dread?

Dread and tired and nauseous.

“Absolutely awesome , of course!” She exclaims, throwing a hoof in the air, because that’s what everyone is expecting to hear.

Twilight is the only one who notices the way her hoof is trembling, and the way Dash looks like she’s going to collapse for a second, before she stands securely on all fours again.

Everyone had expected Dash to fly as she says that, and maybe even do a loop in her excitement. Instead, she’s awfully calm for her standards, especially considering what they’re talking about here.

Pinkie suddenly practically teleports and shoves a muffin into Dash’s mouth before the Pegasus could react, and they’re all shocked when she immediately chokes and coughs.

“Pinkie Pie! Don’t go choking our Wonderbolt at her own party!” Rarity exclaims in horror.

Twilight hovers a glass of fruit punch over to Dash, grimacing in sympathy when Dash keeps coughing out bits of the muffin.

“But I didn’t- I wasn’t-” Pinkie stammers, barely keeping tears from escaping her eyes.

Rainbow meanwhile drinks a few small sips from the glass, throwing Twilight a grateful look. “It’s okay, Pinkie. You just caught me off guard, is all.” She says honestly.

Unfortunately, that gets her more confused and worried looks.

“How did that catch y’all off guard? She’s always doin’ that.” Applejack points out.

Rarity tuts at her country friend. “Never mind that. Let’s have some cake, shall we?” She pointedly looks at Pinkie, who cheers up at that.

Dash frowns worriedly as everyone gathers around the large cake, which is decorated to look like a miniature Rainbow Dash is flying around it, creating a small rainbow trail around it.

“Something wrong?” Twilight startles her. She’s giving her that deeply concerned, frowning look again. Rainbow is starting to dislike it very much when that particular look is pointed towards herself.

“What could be wrong? I’m a Wonderbolt, I flew my first show yesterday, and my friends are throwing a party to celebrate with me.” Dash says, trying to sound assertive, but there’s a small tremble in her voice that gives away her uneasiness.

Twilight looks like she wants to say something else, but gets interrupted by Rarity levitating a piece of cake on a plate to her.

Pinkie hands over the piece for Rainbow herself, grinning from ear to ear. She got the piece with her decorative self on it.

“T-thanks.” She stutters, accepting the plate, which causes the pink pony to happily bounce in place.

Everyone is digging in, so Dash takes a small bite as well.

There is nothing wrong with the Cake’s or Pinkie’s baking skills. The cake is delicious as ever.

But for whatever reason, her stomach was still not agreeing with food of any kind. She barely manages to swallow down the small piece with the rest of her punch, then inconspicuously pushes her plate away.

The others are busy chatting over one another, so Dash thinks she’s gotten away with it.

“Is that all you’re having?” Twilight suddenly asks her. Damn her for always being so irritatingly observant.

“I-uuuuuh, I.. had a big breakfast. That’s all.” She lies. She doesn’t want her friends to be disappointed by her turning down the food. She really is grateful to have such amazing friends who celebrate her achievements with her.

Somehow, none of the other Main Six seem to believe her, throwing her calculating and questioning looks, but none of them comment on it.

Not catching on to the fact that something is wrong, Scootaloo comes to her sister’s side, asking her about when her next show would be, and if she’s going to be touring with the Wonderbolts now.

All tension and worry quickly evaporates, although Twilight keeps a watchful eye on her still not-like-herself friend.

Chapter 6

After the party, Dash had to admit to herself that there was just no way she could fly back to her cloud house. She felt like she’s about to collapse any minute, and has a very hard time keeping her eyes open.

Twilight, of course, notices. “Rainbow? I think it would be better if you spend the night at the Friendship Castle.”

Uselessly rubbing her tired eye, Dash gives her a tired but grateful smile. “That would be awesome.” But then she remembers that she doesn’t live alone, and turns to her fellow Pegasus friend. “Hey, Fluttershy? Would you mind taking care of Tank for me?”

“Oh, not at all!” The animal loving Pegasus assures.

“Thanks.”

“I hope you’ll feel better tomorrow.” Fluttershy adds, making Dash’s eyes widen. “Oh, I’m sorry, I just thought.. never mind.”

Rainbow wants to ask her what she means, but yawns and almost falls over when she covers her mouth with a hoof.

Twilight engulfs her in her magical aura, regarding the other ponies. “I think it’s time we go. Thanks everyone.”

And then they teleport into Twilight’s castle.

Twilight brought her exhausted friend into one of the many guest rooms in the castle, tucking her into bed. She levitates a glass of water onto the nightstand, as well as a fresh apple. “There. Call if you need anything else, I’m right next door.”

“Thanks, Twi. Really.” Rainbow replies, her voice betraying how exhausted she is.

It doesn’t take long for her to fall asleep.

She dreams of the party they’d had earlier, and eating all the cake and other goods all by herself, completely uncontrollably, until she basically grows into a giant ball with legs and wings, breaking the roof and walls until the building collapses.

Dash wakes up with a startled gasp and sweat dripping down her face. The next thing she knows is that she’s leaning over the side of the bed, dry heaving.

Not a moment later, Twilight teleports herself into Dash’s room with a bright purple flash. She magics the overhead lights on, then tries to comfort her friend until the heaving stops.

“What’s going on?” She asks, deeply worried.

“Bad dream…” Dash grumbles hoarsely, picking up the glass of water and trying to calm down her upset stomach.

“Wanna talk about it?” Twilight offers, wrapping an arm around her friend.

Dash sighs. “We were at that party from earlier, and I ate all the cake and other stuff, all by myself, until I was just a huge… fat… monster.”

Twilight frowns in confusion. “But you barely ate anything at the party.” She points out, trying to make sense of such a dream. “Are you hungry?” She suggests, levitating the apple closer to her.

Dash turns her head away. “No.”

“Hmm…” Twilight puts it back on the nightstand. Then she realises that she could feel Dash’s spine protruding in-between her folded wings as she hugs her. “Rainbow? Have you lost more weight?”

Dash blinks. “No, why?”

“I think you have.” Twilight whispers in horror, backing away a bit to get a real look at her friend. As Dash shifts on the bed to watch Twilight, the alicorn could see every single rib whenever Dash inhales, and her shoulder blades were poking out right in front of her wings. “Rainbow…” she whispers in shock.

The Pegasus frowns, looks down at herself, then back at Twilight, not understanding what has her so upset.

“What? What is it?” She demands.

“Have you looked into a mirror lately?” Twilight asks. Then she remembers that evening of Dash’s first day of training. How she had seemed unhappy with what she’d seen, and then asked Twilight if she thought she looked ‘fat’. As if that word ever belonged in a sentence with her name.

“Uhm, yeah? All the time.” Dash replies. She’d practically gotten stuck in front of them in the shower and locker room at Wonderbolt Headquarters.

“…really?” Twilight asks in doubt. She teleports a full body mirror into the room, holding it up on Dash’s level, who is still sitting on the bed.

But instead of hearing a surprised gasp and other exclamations of distress as Twilight expected, she watches Dash frown the longer she looks at her own reflection.

“I look the same as always, what’s your point?” She demands. It’s the middle of the night, still, and she is still very tired and just wants to get back to sleep. Even if that means having another such nightmare.

Twilight’s mouth falls open. “You don’t- Huh?! How can you not see how thin you are?! I can see all your ribs, even from here!”

Rainbow throws her a dumbfounded look, thinking that this must be some sort of sick joke, because she didn’t see any of that when she looks in the mirror.

She looks back at her reflection, and is disappointed when she looks bloated like a pregnant mare. She turns away in disgust.

“Do you see?” Twilight asks, assuming she’s made a breakthrough.

“All I see is how fat and out of shape I am. Thanks for showing me, but I’d like to go back to sleep now.” Dash deadpans, curling up on the bed and throwing the blanket over herself.

Twilight is utterly speechless. She places the mirror down, thinks about trying to talk to Dash more, but then decides to hit the books in her library. Maybe she could find some answers there.

Four hours later the sun is rising up in the sky, and all that she’d learned is that Pegasus ponies have a much faster metabolism than earth ponies and unicorns, and even alicorns. So pegasi, especially if they’re athletes like Dash is, need a lot of calories and especially proteins to keep themselves healthy. Under-eating results in rapid weight-loss, which Twilight has seen for herself.

This rapid metabolism also explains Dash’s strange energy levels. “Well now I understand why she’s constantly napping and falling asleep in seconds.” She mumbles to herself.

The thing that she couldn’t make sense of is why Dash keeps under-eating. She’d already fit into her Wonderbolt suit, so why is she still not eating?

“TWILIGHT!” Spike shouts from down the hall, running towards her. “Twilight!”

“What is it??” She asks, jumping up.

“Rainbow Dash!” He pants quickly, hands on his knees. “She’s passed out, I can’t wake her up!”

Author's Note

After having multiple people point out Luna’s lack of intervention, I feel like I need to say this, or rather point this out:

In the nightmare episodes (sleepless in ponyville, bloom and gloom) Luna doesn’t act for a looong time, to make the episode happen. Even in the Tantabus episode, she wasn’t aware of all the mane six having nightmares until Twilight sent her letter (for plot convenience I suppose), and at the beginning of ‘May the best pet win’ she doesn’t help Rainbow when she has the nightmare because of the pets, and startles awake after falling endlessly in the dream. I only write what is more or less canon in the show.

In this fic, my Luna is at least aware of Rainbow having these nightmares and taking note of them being rather strange and repetitive, and consults her sister about them in the next chapter.

Chapter 7

Princess Celestia is reading through a stack of paperwork when her sister approaches her.

“Sister, I have an important concern I wish to speak with you about.” The Princess of the Night says. “It is about one of the Elements.”

Celestia puts down the paper she was reading. “Oh?”

“I have noticed that Rainbow Dash has been having some rather… strange dreams- strange nightmares. She dreams of eating large amounts of food uncontrollably, and becoming impossibly large because of it.” Luna explains.

Celestia frowns as she listens, then gets a look of sad recognition. “I fear that this sounds familiar. I had a student once, long before Sunset Shimmer, who reported of having similar dreams plaguing her at night.”

“What happened to her?” Luna asks curiously, not liking how subdued her sister sounds.

Celestia looks seriously at her younger sister. “She died.”

“Rainbow Dash! Can you hear me?!” Twilight asks for a third time, trying to shake her friend awake.

It might be a trick of the light, but somehow she looks even thinner this morning. Twilight prays that her mind is just playing tricks on her.

Finally those magenta irises look up at her in confusion, and Dash folds her fallen-open wings.

“Oh thank Celestia.” Twilight sighs heavily in relief. “Rainbow Dash, I know you don’t want to, but you really have to eat something. I’ve read that Pegasi have an extremely fast metabolism, and if you don’t get enough nutrients, your body is going to eat itself to get what it needs. If it starts eating your heart muscle,…. you could die.”

Dash’s eyes widen at the desperate explanation. “But.. I just wasn’t eating much for a few days. It can’t be that bad.” She tries to defend, despite her blurry vision filling with black spots once more.
It’s not her fault that her body doesn’t want her to swallow food anymore.

“Look at where you are! You’ve passed out twice now, in just a few days. You have to eat!” Twilight begs.

Spike throws her a sad look. He may not understand what Dash’s problem is, but he doesn’t like what Twilight is saying, at all.

Twilight levitates a protein shake with a straw to her — literally — grounded friend.

“Please. I thought that maybe liquids would be easier for now. Please drink it. I- I don’t want-” She couldn’t bring herself to say it again.

The seriousness of the situation is starting to really sink in for Dash now, and she does as told, forcing herself to quickly drink the shake. She quickly dislikes the way her stomach feels uncomfortably full and heavy, but she pushes through the feeling until the glass is empty and she’s only sucking in air through the straw.

“Thank you.” Twilight says in relief, taking the glass away.

Dash closes her eyes in discomfort. “I don’t feel well.” She admits.

“Like you’re going to be sick?” Twilight asks in renewed horror.

No, but I would like to. Dash thinks. I really want this back out of me. This feels wrong.

Spike interrupts their conversation by burping out a letter. “Urgh, that hasn’t happened in a while.” He clutches his stomach for a moment.

Twilight magically grabs hold of the scroll and reads it aloud.

“Dear Twilight,

it has come to my attention that your friend Rainbow Dash could be suffering from a very serious sickness. I will be arriving in Ponyville shortly.

Please do not panic in the meantime.

Best regards

Princess Celestia.”

Rainbow looks startled, painstakingly sitting up. She sways a bit when she’s upright. “I’m sick?” She asks in shock.

Twilight lowers the letter to look at her friend, then she suddenly bursts into tears at the idea of losing Rainbow Dash. She hugs her frail friend, grimacing when she feels her ribcage. It was too real for her liking, the possibility that they’re too late and Dash will die.

Rainbow suddenly hunches over, causing Twilight to let go of her. Her stomach is really cramping now, and she had to clutch her very upset stomach in discomfort. “Twilight, I don’t think that shake is agreeing with me. Ugh.” She grunts out between pained, shallow breaths.

Twilight quickly teleports her into the closest bathroom, then covers her face with her front hooves and breaks down into tears. Spike can only pat her on her shoulder, he himself afraid of what is happening.

“Oh Spike.. what are we going to do?” She asks brokenly.

Celestia arrives by the time Dash was able to stay away from the bathroom again. The shake had pretty much gone straight through her, not giving her a lot of much needed energy and nutrients.

“Oh dear.” The ruler starts when she takes a look at the element of loyalty. “I had hoped to be wrong about this.”

The girls frown.

“Wrong about what?” Twilight asks.

“Rainbow Dash, I have to ask you a few questions, and it is of utmost importance that you answer honestly.”

Dash gulps.

“First, please tell me how eating makes you feel.” She starts, to Twilight’s surprise, and Dash’s horror.

The Pegasus hesitates, but then replies honestly, “really uncomfortable. Heavy. Wrong. I physically can’t swallow much, either.”

The others grimace in sympathy.

Celestia makes a full body mirror appear next. “What do you see?”

Twilight leans in behind Dash to see for herself. The Pegasus was getting scarily thin, she looks very ill and tired.

Dash takes a look at herself, then looks down at the floor with a sigh. “I look huge. There’s no way I can ever fly as a Wonderbolt again if I keep getting bigger.”

Twilight gasps in shock. “You’re not big at all! You’re so thin that I’m scared!”

Celestia makes the mirror vanish again. “Twilight, I need you to stay calm right now.” She then makes a large container with little glowing pills appear. “These magical pills will keep you alive by slowing down your metabolism. Rainbow Dash, it is extremely important that you take these every single day until you are able to eat normally again.”

“Slow down my metabolism?” Dash asks in horror at the idea of becoming even bigger.

Celestia nods. “You need to understand that what you are experiencing is a disorder, a sickness of the mind. It is a dangerous, deadly disease. Your weight has become dangerously low, yet you see an obese pony when you look in the mirror.”

The girls share a terrified glance.

“How do we cure it? How do we fix it?” Twilight asks desperately.

“You can’t. This disease is unlikely to ever fully go away, which means that Rainbow Dash, you will need to learn to control it, instead of it controlling you. And you have to be honest with yourself and your friends, because this disease feeds on lies and secrecy.” She explains seriously, then regards Twilight. “She will need a lot of support, from all of you, if she is to have a single chance at beating this disease.”

Dash shyly speaks up. “…I’m really as thin as you guys say?”

They nod sadly.

Rainbow opens the container and takes out one of the glowing pills, looking at it for a moment in debate, then swallows it dry. Then she turns to her alicorn friend. “Twilight, I want to get better. I only just became a Wonderbolt, I don’t want to die!”

Twilight pulls her into a tight but gentle hug, a few tears soaking into the rainbow mane. “I’ll- we’ll help you every step of the way. I promise you.” She pulls away in order to make eye contact. “And if I know any pony that can beat this, it’s you. You’re the strongest pony that I’ve ever known.”

Chapter 9

Rarity designed a full wardrobe for Rainbow, to help her stay warm and comfortable.

Applejack delivered a cart full of apples, apple cider, apple pies, and other things apple, figuring that there would be something that Dash would still enjoy.

Fluttershy promised to take care of Tank until Dash felt well enough again.

Pinkie Pie.. was a bit disappointed when they all agreed to postpone any further parties regarding Rainbow Dash for the unforeseeable future.

Twilight created a meal plan, based on the research she’s done.

For weeks, Twilight tries to support Dash to the best of her ability, and is glad to report to their friends that Dash is able to eat almost normal amounts again, and is slowly gaining back the weight she has lost.

The latter part leaves Dash spending more and more time in front of any mirror and other reflective surfaces, trying to convince herself that she’s not ballooning absolutely out of control.

Her insecurity is only fuelled by her still not being able to fly. Instead of accepting it as a sign that she’s still not nearly as recovered as she thinks, her brain is trying to convince her that she’s become too heavy to be able to fly.

Whenever her panic strikes, she can’t bring herself to eat a thing. Not until she’s talked to Twilight, asking her urgently if she’s getting too big.

Time and again, Twilight reassures her, and points out that the clothes Rarity made wouldn’t fit her anymore if that were the case.

During the worst times, Dash is completely convinced that Twilight or Rarity have put some sort of spell on said clothes, which make them always adjust to fit the pony.

“How much longer, do you think, before I can finally fly again?” Dash asks, annoyed and impatient, after no amount of flapping her wings could get her up in the air. She’s finally warm enough to be without clothes inside the castle, and looking a lot more like herself again.

“I’m not sure.” Twilight replies honestly. “The only info I could find in the books on The Science Of Pegasi Magic - Volume 1 to 3, is that it can take weeks, even months, to fully regain Pegasus Magic. Though, those case examples were not about losing magic due to illness.”

Rainbow hangs her head with a sigh. “Months?!” She shakes her head at Twilight. “I can’t miss months of training!” She begins to pace nervously. “What if I’m still grounded when the Wonderbolts have their next show?! What if I’ll never get back to my level of skills?” She stops dead in her tracks, gasps, and sits down. “What if I’ll never fly again?!” She covers her face with her hooves, then flops down so she’s laying on the floor.

Twilight frowns, walking to her side. “Are you sure that you’re not just catastrophising a little?”

Dash lowers one hoof to throw her a pointed look.

“I know, it sounds ironic, coming from me. But you still have a long way of recovering ahead of you.” The alicorn points out. “You lost a lot of strength when you lost so much weight, it’ll take time to get stronger.”

Rainbow frowns, seeing this as a challenge. She jumps to her feet, then makes a show of running a circle around her friend, stopping with a rear. “Who are you calling w-wooaah-” a powerful dizziness knocks her off her legs.

Twilight sighs, but refrains from saying ‘I told you so’.

Rainbow, once again laying on her belly, wings spread out to feel more balanced, folds her forelegs and rests her head on them, then buries her face in them with a groan. When she looks up again, she complains, “this is going to ruin everything!”

Just as Twilight makes to say something to comfort her, her cutie mark starts to flash, as does Rainbow’s.

“What in the… a friendship problem?” Twilight asks in disbelief.

Their cutie marks fly off to the Friendship Map, so the girls hurry to it. Or at least they try to; the sudden exertion causes the black vision to return, and Dash stumbles painfully into the doorway before falling to her haunches. She rubs her sore shoulder, ignoring Twilight’s questions, and joins her at the magical table when she could get up again.

Rainbow wonders why Twilight looks stressed, but understands why when she takes a look at where they’re needed. “Cloudsdale?” She asks in shock, opens her wings to throw them a worried look. “But.. how am I supposed to get there?”

“Furthermore: are you even able to walk on clouds? That ability is tied to Pegasus Magic.” Twilight points out.

Dash’s eyes widen.

“Are you even up for this?” The alicorn asks.

“I will have to be… some ponies out there are having a friendship problem and need our help. We’re not called to minor issues, Twilight. This could be us being called to prevent a full on war.” Rainbow says seriously. She steps away from the table and over to a window. Pointing upwards, she says, “go and get that cloud down here. If I can stay on it, you can push me to Cloudsdale with it.”

“Good thinking!” Twilight comes over to her, but pauses. “Hang on. We might be away for a few days. We need to pack enough foods that are high in protein, and we can’t forget your pills!”

Rainbow rolls her eyes at her.

“Dash, this is serious! Remember that you could have died if you had kept going for just a few more days?”

The reality check sobers her up a bit. “But I’m doing better. Sure, I’m not able to fly yet, but I’m eating and you said that I’m gaining back the weight I lost.” Her voice wavers a bit at the last part, and she can’t bring herself to look at Twilight as she says it. “But I’m getting there, so you don’t need to panic.”

Twilight opens her mouth to say something, then closes it again. She shakes her head, then teleports a protein shake over, much to Dash’s dismay. “I will get that cloud,” she points outside, “if you finish this.”

Dash recoils in surprise. “But- but I already had breakfast with you!”

“Please, don’t fight me on this. We might have a very late lunch later, we don’t know yet what the problem is.”

“Mmmph.” Dash groans, but accepts the shake and makes quick work in gulping down the whole thing, trying very hard not to think about all those extra calories and what they’ll do to her body. She has to remind herself that this is what she’s supposed to do, to recover and to fly again.

“Thank you.” Twilight smiles, teleports the empty glass into the castle’s kitchen, and flies out to grab a cloud from the sky. Struggling a bit, she brings it inside and holds it down to keep it from floating upwards.

Dash tests with one hoof if the cloud would support her, then gets on it fully. They’re happy to note that at least Rainbow will be able to get to Cloudsdale this way.

Twilight sighs in relief, then teleports saddlebags to them, levitating all sorts of foods into them, much to Dash’s annoyance.

“Twilight.” The Pegasus chides, crossing her forelegs over her chest impatiently. She’s slowly beginning to float upwards on the cloud.

“Just to be safe.” Twilight promises, then grabs hold of Dash’s cloud. “Alright, let’s go save some friendships!”

Chapter 10

Twilight would be lying if she said that she wouldn’t be sore in the morning from having to push her currently flightless Pegasus friend all the way to Cloudsdale, and levitate Rainbow to other parts when one part of the Sky City ends.

The inaccessibility was beginning to get on both their nerves, especially when they still hadn’t found the ponies who are having the friendship problem.

It was now late afternoon and they are sat in one of Cloudsdale’s restaurants, Twilight eating her hay burger and Rainbow pointedly ignoring her own, choosing to instead look outside and watch the other Pegasus ponies flying effortlessly.

“Rainbow.” Twilight touches her shoulder, then points down to Dash’s untouched, very late, lunch.

Dash glares at her. “I had to drink that shake earlier, remember?”

“That was four hours ago. As a Pegasus, you should be eating every three.” The egghead points out.

“Yeah, if I had a fast metabolism.” Dash argues. “In case you forgot, I’m taking pills every day to slow it down, so I’m really not hungry right now. I’m making myself useful and look out for any friendship problems.”

Twilight keeps trying to get eye contact with her, but Dash only has eyes for the ponies outside the window.

“Rainbow, look at me.”

She’s ignored.

Twilight sighs. “That’s not the whole truth, is it?” She asks in a lowered voice. She has started to notice a while ago that Dash will sometimes lie about being hungry, and whenever she’s lying, she won’t look at Twilight, and tries to change the subject.

Rainbow sighs heavily. She discreetly looks at the other ponies dining at the restaurant, then finally looks at Twilight. “I feel like every pony here is secretly watching me.”

Twilight raises an eyebrow, looking around as well and finding not a single pony paying attention to them. “What are you talking about?”

“Ugh. I don’t want other ponies to think that…”

Twilight waits for more information, but Dash shakes her head. She then remembers that Celestia has mentioned something about not wanting to eat around others, or being seen eating by others. She had just assumed that this wasn’t an issue for Rainbow, since she’s been eating with Twilight every time so far.

Understanding fills the alicorn, and she realises that if she wants Rainbow to eat anything, they would need to find a secluded spot, out of sight of any pony else. Which… was easier said than done, when they’re in a city with flying ponies everywhere, surrounded by clouds, high up in the air.

They both startle when there’s suddenly loud arguing.

“Why are you always undermining me all. the. damn. TIME?!” A yellow Pegasus yells at her companion.

“Argh! Will you be quiet already?” The black coated Pegasus scolds, a deep frown on his face.

The yellow Pegasus stops dead in her tracks, looking like she’s boiling and about to burst.

“I’m so sick of this- I HATE YOU! SCREW YOU!” She shouts, storming out and flying away.

Rainbow immediately turns to Twilight. “You have to go after her! Fast!”

Twilight nods, doing just that.

Whilst Twilight catches up with the mare, Rainbow approaches the fuming stallion.

“Hey, what’s going on with you and your friend?” She asks.

“I fail to see how that’s any of your concern.” He replies snidely, stepping around her.

Rainbow follows him. “My name’s Rainbow Dash, and I was called here to solve a friendship problem.”

“Uhuh.” He ignores her and orders a hay burger with fries.

“Look. Your friend looks really mad, and you were ignoring her attempts to-”

“Can you not take a hint? I want you to leave me alone!” He snarls, and Rainbow backs off with her ears pinned.

They’re not supposed to judge other ponies, but Rainbow is getting really close to hating this guy. His friend deserves a lot better if this is how he treats ponies.

Rainbow goes back to her and Twilight’s table, looking at her still untouched burger, all appetite now gone for real. She sits down and looks outside longingly.

“I hope Twilight is more successful than me…”

Twilight finds the yellow Pegasus crying on a nearby cloud.

“Hello there.. my name is-”

“Oh Gosh, you’re Princess Twilight Sparkle.” She interrupts, wiping away her tears. She gasps. “Are you here because of my friendship problem?”

Twilight smiles, joining her on the cloud. “It looks like it. We.. kind of witnessed your argument at the burger place. What’s your name?”

“I’m Buttercream, and his name is Sky Scraper. I swear, he’s not usually like this. He’s just really stressed out, lately.”

“Do you know what’s stressing him so much?”

She shakes her head. “I keep asking, but he doesn’t want to talk to me about it. And I can accept that. Really. But for the past two weeks, he’s been acting like… like we’re not friends at all. He’s always ignoring me, and when I get angry or upset because of it, he gets really annoyed with me, and I don’t understand why.”

“Hmm.. that doesn’t sound right. Friends shouldn’t treat each other like that.” Twilight comments.

Buttercream sighs in relief. “I’m glad you think so. I was really starting to think that… well..”

“How about we go and talk to him about it?” Twilight suggests.

“Do you think that’s a good idea? He got really mad at me earlier..”

“Well, I always say: you won’t know unless you try.”

Reassured by her words and presence, Buttercream nods and they both fly back to the restaurant.

When they enter, Twilight immediately looks for Rainbow Dash. She spots her back at their table, and tells Buttercream that she’d be right with her again in a moment.

Rainbow is running the tip of her forehoof in circles on the table surface, eyes downcast. But Twilight also notices that her plate is empty. Happy to know that Rainbow has eaten her lunch after all, she throws an arm around her shoulders.

“Hey, I got Buttercream back. She said that Sky Scraper has been acting like this only recently, and he won’t tell her what’s been bothering him. You coming?”

Rainbow looks unsure, throwing a glance over to the ponies in question. “I-I’m not sure.. he’s made his point pretty clear that he doesn’t want to talk.”

Twilight is confused at her friend’s sudden lack of self esteem. “We’ll see about that.” She moves away from their table, then waits for Dash to follow her.

With a sigh, Rainbow joins her, and together they confront the ponies.

Chapter 11

A couple of long, heated conversations later, it had turned out that Sky Scraper had developed feelings for Buttercream, and when he’d seen her laughing happily with another guy two weeks ago, he’d thought that she doesn’t have feelings for him. His own insecurities and doubts made it unbearable for him to be around her, resulting in him pushing her away.

To everyone’s relief, Buttercream actually felt the same way for him, and their friendship had turned into a loving relationship. All in all a great way to end the day. Twilight and Rainbow were glad when their cutie marks flashed again, to signal that their job here was done.

But for some reason, Dash still looked unsure and wouldn’t look at Twilight when the Alicorn put the saddle bags onto her back and started looking for a spare cloud they could use.

Finally they found one, and Rainbow curls up on it right away.

“You can sleep until we’re back in Ponyville if you’re tired.” Twilight tells her, and starts to push the cloud in the correct direction.

“I’m just a bit chilly, is all.” Dash replies, but closes her eyes anyways.

At that, Twilight levitates a cloak that Rarity had made for Rainbow, out from one of the saddle bags and around her.

To her surprise, Dash seems to startle from that, and throws a panicked look at Twilight.

“What’s wrong?” Twilight asks, now completely confused.

Rainbow sighs and lays back down again, with her back to Twilight. “Nothing.”

Twilight frowns, but doesn’t question it. Rainbow has pushed herself a lot today, and all in all, everything had gone well.

She’s probably just tired. I know I am. She thinks to herself and continues to bring Rainbow back to the castle.

The sun is setting by the time they’re back. Twilight sighs dramatically and wipes the sweat from her forehead. The motion makes Rainbow feel guilty, but for the wrong reasons again.

Her mind is telling her that she’s become so horribly heavy. If only she wasn’t eating the way she is, poor Twilight wouldn’t have had to exert herself so much.

“Okay. Since you did so well with eating today, I will let you decide what snack you want before bed.” Twilight tells her cheerily, and Rainbow feels her heart stop when the alicorn opens the saddle bags. She all but falls off the cloud in her hurry to get to Twilight.

“Twilight wait-!”

“What-”

The warning came too late. Twilight levitates a packaged hay burger out of the left bag, and her eyes widen. She turns back around to Rainbow, who looks guilty again- that’s what it was, earlier. Not insecurity. She’s been feeling guilty this whole time!

And since she didn’t eat it earlier, it has now been almost seven hours since Rainbow last ate anything. No wonder she’s feeling cold again.

“You didn’t eat it?” She asks the obvious. “You’re hiding food?” She accuses.

“It’s not what it looks like! Honest!” Rainbow exclaims. “I just couldn’t eat it in public. So I packed it for later. Because I didn’t want to disappoint you!”

Twilight hates that the only reason she believes her, is the fact that Rainbow is still holding direct eye contact, her eyes begging her to believe her. She briefly looks at the untouched burger, then regards her friend again.

“You weren’t trying to fool me into thinking that you ate something, so I would leave you alone?”

“No! Ugh. Twilight, I swear, I’m trying to get better. I just… I guess I’m not fully ready to face the outside world, yet…” she admits.

The alicorn smiles and levitates it over to her.

“Hey guys.” Spike greets them. “Did you get your problem solved already? That has to be a new record.”

Twilight nods. “We did. I would tell you about it, but I know you don’t like romantic feelings being involved, and that was pretty much the problem we had to solve.”

Spike tilts his head. “So, you’re basically saying that you’re a couple’s therapist now, too.”

The girls laugh at that.

“Not exactly.” Twilight says with a grin.

Then, Spike notices Rainbow Dash eating a hay burger. “You guys brought fast food? Awesome!”

Twilight throws him a guilty look. “Not exactly… Rainbow just wasn’t comfortable eating it in public, so she brought it here.”

After all, it was the truth.

Rainbow throws her a grateful smile, then takes another bite.

“Oh.. bummer.” Spike says and shrugs. “Oh well. I wasn’t sure when you guys would be back, so I already had dinner earlier, anyways.” He stretches and yawns. “I think I’ll turn in early. Goodnight every pony.”

“Good night, Spike.”

“Sleep well.”

Twilight is distracted for a few minutes unpacking, and when she looks back to Rainbow, she almost drops everything that’s in her magical hold. She places the items down, then rushes to her, hurriedly offering her a glass of water and a napkin to spit into, because it was blatantly obvious that she couldn’t swallow the food.

Dash throws her an apologetic look before spitting and coughing into the napkin.

“What’s wrong..?” Twilight asks her sadly. It’s been weeks since Dash couldn’t swallow food. Twilight had thought that that phase was now behind them.

Dash sighs. “I…” She shakes her head, hanging her head in shame.

Twilight lays a supportive hoof on her shoulder. “Rainbow, please tell me. You need to tell others about what’s bothering you. Keeping secrets and bottling up your feelings will only make things worse. We just resolved a friendship problem that was created by not talking about their feelings and concerns.”

“Please don’t think that I’m insane.” Rainbow pleas, only briefly looking at Twilight. “I have this voice in my head, and it won’t shut up.”

“A voice?” Twilight asks, surprised and worried.

Dash nods, still averting her eyes. “It keeps telling me how fat I am, that no pony could ever like me if I looked like this, that I will never be able to achieve anything, and that the real reason I still can’t fly is that I’m just too heavy…”

When she dares to look at her friend again, she’s met with the most heartbroken look she has ever seen.

“Oh Rainbow… none of that is true, I swear. You’re still a bit too thin, me and all our friends love you, you’ve achieved so much and just today you helped solve a friendship problem, and.. well,” Twilight sighs, “we will just have to wait and see when your magic is strong enough for you to fly again.”

Rainbow keeps looking anywhere but at her friend.

“…your voice is telling you that I’m lying, isn’t it.” Twilight deduces, unhappily.

Dash nods. “It’s not your fault.” She reassures, then looks down at her half eaten burger. “But I can’t finish this.”

That causes alarm bells to ring for Twilight. This is only Dash’s second meal of the day, not counting the protein shake.

“Will you drink another shake?” She asks hopefully.

Of course Rainbow is not happy to be asked this.

“Honestly, I don’t know…”

Part of Twilight needs to follow her daily lists of Dash eating. But something inside her chooses a different path.

“Okay.”

Rainbow looks up in confusion. “Okay.. what?”

“Okay. I won’t force anything on you anymore today.” Twilight clarifies. “I know that today has been hard on you, both physically and mentally. And to be quite frank, I’m exhausted, too.” As though to prove a point, she fails to stifle a yawn. “We’ll go back on your meal plans tomorrow.”

As she watches the alicorn leave, Rainbow feels even more disappointed in herself. It was like it didn’t even matter how hard she tries, she’ll always fail, anyways.

Chapter 12

“This is such a nightmare situation!” Celestia exclaims as she paces. Floating, open books are following her every step. “I had foolishly assumed that bearers of the Elements Of Harmony would be immune to such an affliction.”

Luna watches her sister trotting back and forth in some weird Twilight Sparkle imitation. “Sister.”

“Not now, Luna. I have to find a way to break this… curse that has befallen Rainbow Dash.”

Luna sighs. “Tia, you said it yourself: it’s not a curse. It’s a disorder.”

“Well, it might as well be.” The older sister mutters bitterly.

Luna steps forwards. “You told me that Silver Spell only got worse because she didn’t have any friends to support her. Twilight wrote in her last letter that Rainbow Dash was improving and wants to recover. Why are you so worried?”

Celestia sighs, closing the books surrounding her and stacking them on her desk. “Because Silver Spell had initially improved as well, so I eventually stopped worrying about it, and then she relapsed without me noticing, and her heart gave out in the middle of the night.” She explains, her voice so full of grief. “This disease is so insidious, so difficult to get under control, because the pony suffering from it will do everything in their power to prevent others from knowing about its existence. It was bad enough that one of my pupils had to die this way. But an Element Of Harmony? I don’t want to imagine what will become of this world…”

Princess Luna closes her eyes. The full moon shines a dim light in the sky, her glowing horn seeming to absorb it.

Normally she would check every pony’s dreams, but tonight she’s on a mission.

The very specific nightmares that she has witnessed Rainbow Dash having, are an indicator of how strong her disease is.

She hopes against hope that with Dash physically recovering so well, the dreams will cease as well.

To her dismay, when she reaches the dream, Rainbow is once again dreaming about being awfully obese, struggling to fly, and actually falling from the sky this time, unable to catch herself as she seems to fall endlessly.

Luna comes to her rescue, levitating the screaming, terrified pegasus and gently placing her on the ground, before joining her. They’re on a wide open grass field with only a few trees in the background.

“P-Princess Luna?” Rainbow asks, chest still heaving with her panicked breaths. Then she looks around, and realises that this is just another nightmare. She is getting so tired of having the same dream haunting her every single night. She groans tiredly. “Not again…”

“Rainbow Dash, it has come to my attention that you are unable to have any… normal, positive dreams, as of late.” Luna starts.

“I guess it’s hard to dream of anything good when your life has become a living nightmare…” Dash grumbles, barely managing to sit up with all her excess weight. She looks down at herself, the sight of her big belly making her whine and look anywhere but at herself again.

Luna gently places a hoof below Dash’s jaw and guides her head to make Rainbow look at her. “You are stronger than this disease, Rainbow Dash. You have friends who will support you and help you get through this. I may not be able to cure you, but I can help you get back control over your dreams.”

Dash sighs. “How?” She asks pleadingly.

Luna smiles, moving her hoof from Dash’s jaw down to her shoulder. “For now, how about you look the way you actually do.”

Rainbow looks unsure, but closes her eyes to try and do as she’s told. After a few moments, she opens them again, looking sad and defeated. “I can’t… my brain is telling me that this is what I look like. I-.. mmh, I don’t know what you guys see, but this is what I see.”

Luna looks grim, not liking this one bit. “Allow me, then.” She casts a spell, and Rainbow gasps when she’s suddenly only half as big, if even that.

Luna then creates a large mirror for Dash to look into.

The pegasus’ eyes widen when she doesn’t see the fat that was usually all that she could see on herself. She was… thin. Too thin. If she saw a pony who looked like this out on the streets, she’d be worried for them.

She can’t help herself. A tear escapes, and then another.

She squeezes her eyes shut. “Why can’t I see this in the real world?” She asks nobody in particular. Then she looks back to Luna. “Is this really me? Or did you-”

“The spell can only show a pony’s true self. It is normally used to break through disguises, originally designed to uncover Changelings.” Luna explains.

Rainbow accepts this, though she still has a hard time connecting the bony creature looking back at her, to the distorted mental image that has corrupted her mind. She touches the mirror with a hoof, as though disbelieving that the object is real. She looks into the tired eyes looking back at her, then drops her hoof and turns back to Luna.

“Do you think that there’s a spell that can do this in the real world?” She asks hopefully.

Luna unfortunately shakes her head. “This only worked here because you are not awake. Your brain cannot falsely process your reflection when it is not active. Normally, this would lead to some strange things happening in dreams that make no logical sense. In your case, we can do the opposite: bring logic to chaos.”

Rainbow looks surprised at that. “Wow, that’s.. strangely deep.”

She gets to her feet, positioning herself in front of the mirror to get a full sideview of herself, hoping to memorise the sight for when she’d have to be awake again.

Then she remembers that she catalogues everything when she’s flying. “I have an idea!” She exclaims, and starts to flap her wings, and to her surprise, she was finally airborne again.

She closes her eyes for a moment, and a lake appears near their grass field. She flies over it, her eyes mesmerised by the reflection below.

Luna watches her with confusion, but doesn’t ask.

Rainbow continues to fly, laughing joyfully, loving this feeling of freedom. She even does a Sonic Rainboom, but instead of the thundering sound echoing in the air as the rainbow circle explodes, it sounds strangely like a voice.

“Rainbow, wake up!”

She startles awake to a certain purple alicorn shaking her shoulder.

“Nooo!” Dash whines, wanting nothing more than to get back to her dream. She wanted to fly for a bit longer, she didn’t want to face the day just yet.

“It’s okay, it was just a dream.” Twilight tells her gently.

Dash groans. “It wasn’t a nightmare. Or at least not anymore… Princess Luna was helping me, and I could fly again, it was sooo awesome!”

Now Twilight looks guilty. “Sorry, but it’s already past ten a.m., and you didn’t eat much yesterday, remember?”

Her words make Rainbow remember the humiliating day, needing to be pushed to Cloudsdale on a cloud, and being unable to eat a simple meal.

She closes her eyes in defeat for a moment. Never mind. This IS a nightmare.

Chapter 13

When Rainbow finally joins Twilight, she’s surprised to find a bunch of colourful pills along with the magical pills. “Uhm, Twilight? What’s that?” She points to the new additions.

Twilight levitates Dash’s fried eggs over on a plate. “They’re vitamins. I found a spell that lets me extract them from vegetables and turn them into these little supplements.” She explains. “I was wondering if you may have some deficiencies, and that that’s the reason why your Pegasus magic hasn’t gotten any stronger, yet. And if they don’t help, I figured that it couldn’t hurt to at least try.”

Admittedly a bit shocked by the level of support she’s getting from her friend, Dash tears up when she looks at her breakfast.

“What’s wrong?” Twilight asks worriedly.

Rainbow wipes away the tears with a hoof. “It’s just..” her voice cracks. “You’re putting so much effort into this.. thing. I’m afraid that I’m gonna disappoint you…”

“How would you disappoint me?” The alicorn asks dumbfounded. “Rainbow, that’s what friends are for. I may not be able to understand what you’re going through, unless I walk in your shoes, but I know that if our roles were reversed, you all would do the same.” She says with a smile.

She expects the cyan Pegasus to boast her usually cocky “I’m the element of loyalty, I’d NEVER leave my friends hanging!”, but instead she’s met with more tears and sad eyes.

“Sorry.. I don’t know why I’m so emotional today.” Dash apologises, hiding behind an open wing as she tries to stop crying.

Twilight gasps when the action causes four loose cyan feathers to float in the air, one landing on the tip of her nose. She grabs it with her magic, frowning in thought. When Dash folds her wing again, Twilight finds more feathers coating the floor around Rainbow’s chair.

The Pegasus finally starts to eat her breakfast and swallows the many pills.

After waiting for the Pegasus to finish eating, she hesitantly speaks up.“Rainbow…?”

“Hm?”

“Are you moulting?”

Rainbow throws her a confused look. “No, I already did during spring. Why?” It was already late autumn. The Running Of The Leaves race is scheduled in two week’s time.

Then she follows Twilight’s gaze, looks down to the feathers coating the floor, and gasps. She immediately opens her wings to inspect them, and two more feathers come loose and float down to join the rest of them.

“That means…” Twilight starts, horrified at the only other explanation. “You’re losing your feathers.”

Her expression grim, Dash carefully runs her hoof along the feathers of her wing, and another feather comes loose.

It’s not just the fact that she’s losing feathers. The fallen feathers seem.. dull. They’re not their usual vibrant colour.

“I don’t understand…” Rainbow croaks, looking at Twilight. “I’m eating, I’m taking the pills,… why is it still getting worse?” She asks, completely distraught.

“I don’t know…” Twilight admits, looking just as stricken. “Do you feel any different, compared to a few weeks ago?”

Dash shrugs. “I’m not as tired anymore, I don’t get dizzy all the time,..” she lists off.

To Twilight’s surprise, she suddenly starts flapping her wings like she usually would to take off. “Come oooon..!” She grunts, but she doesn’t even lift off the tiniest bit. When she looks down to verify that she really isn’t flying at all, she gasps when all she’s doing is lose more feathers, spreading them out from the gusts of wind.

Unable to handle the overwhelming grief, she runs off, pinning her useless wings to her sides as not to lose any more of her precious feathers. She ignores Twilight’s calls, she just had to get away, and this castle is big enough for her to run until she physically couldn’t take another step.

She should have known that she couldn’t outrun her alicorn friend, who teleports herself next to her with frightening accuracy.

“We’ll figure this out.” The alicorn tries to reassure, pulling her crushed friend into a hug.

“Figure what out?” Dash sighs. “I’m never going to fly again!” She tries to wiggle out of the tight hug, the contact making her wings itch. Twilight mistakes it for Dash trying to run off again, and wraps her own wings around the Pegasus as well for good measure.

“Maybe I should write to Princess Celestia again. Maybe she can think of something- what’s wrong?” The alicorn asks when Rainbow pushes her away more forcefully.

She releases her hold of the Pegasus, who immediately unfolds her wings and scratches at them. “My wings are itching like craaazy.” She complains, the ministrations only managing to make the itchiness worse, and more dull, lifeless feathers fall to the floor. Odd, the sensation reminds her of when she’s moulting. Oh, how she hates having to go through that every year.

Twilight raises an eyebrow and holds Dash still with her magic, who whines in discomfort. “Let me see.” She says, inspecting the cyan wings. In-between the fully formed feathers were little stubs of… “Oh!” She gasps, then smiles. “You’re losing feathers because you’re regrowing them already!”

Twilight releases her magical hold to allow Rainbow to see for herself. She finds what Twilight was talking about, and notices a few new, small feathers that seem a lot more full of life than the rest. They still need to grow fully, but just the sight of them fills the ponies with hope.

“Does this mean….?” She looks back at Twilight hopefully.

The alicorn is overjoyed to have the same thought. “I think your magic is getting stronger.” She picks up the lost feathers from the floor with her magic. “It looks like your body is just getting rid of, and replacing, the feathers that couldn’t be kept alive when-…” She stops herself, not wanting to bring it up.

Dash understands what she’s getting at, looking away for a moment in guilt.

Twilight places a hoof onto her shoulder, getting Dash to look at her again. “I think it’s only a matter of time now, before you’re back to flying with the Wonderbolts.”

Dash smiles at that, then couldn’t ignore the itching anymore and goes back to attacking her wings.

Twilight winces at her aggressiveness. “Maybe I can find a spell to help you… or maybe Zecora has some type of ointment or something…” she offers.

Chapter 14

Rainbow spends most of the next few days asleep in bed. The moulting process was taking “ages” — as Dash complained.

The itching was only getting worse as more and more new feathers broke through the skin, so Twilight tried everything she could think of to help her, but nothing seemed to really do the trick.

In the end, the alicorn decided to use a spell that allowed the tormented pegasus to sleep through most of it, only waking her up for meals and bathroom breaks every few hours.

Unbeknownst to Twilight, this regime was beginning to take a toll on the pegasus. All Dash knows is either dreaming, or eating and that agonising itchiness. Obviously she started preferring sleep over waking, and after a few days, she started asking Twilight if she couldn’t just keep her asleep until her wings were finally complete and her magic strong enough to be able to fly again (as she’s been doing constantly in her dreams, thanks to Luna’s continued help).

“I can’t just put you into a coma!” The alicorn shrieked at the idea. “Besides, your new feathers should be done in two or three days.” She points out. Twilight has been checking the progress daily, to make sure that nothing was going wrong.

A pleasant (for Twilight) and majorly unpleasant (for Rainbow) side effect of their current routine, is that Dash is regaining her lost weight much quicker now, from her lack of movement. While Twilight is glad to see her friend almost back to normal again (finally), the first time Dash looks, really looks, into a mirror, the pegasus nearly vomits.

She requests once again to be put to sleep uninterruptedly, feeling unable to face reality. But of course Twilight wouldn’t allow that.

The alicorn hadn’t fully realised yet that Dash was edging close to a full on mental breakdown, until the next time she woke her up for a meal.

The pegasus breaks down into sobs and tears when the plate is in front of her and she’d caught sight of a distorted reflection of herself on her glass of water. She couldn’t do this anymore. She wishes that Celestia or Luna or Twilight could just banish this devil in her head to Tartarus, because as long as she’s living with it, she’s the one living there.

“What’s wrong?” Twilight asks, feeling utterly lost. Rainbow has been doing so well for the past two months, and now this. At the very least, Dash doesn’t run off again and instead stays on her bed.

Spike pats her on the back, throwing the alicorn a worried look.

When she could get enough air, the pegasus manages to give her friends a brief look before squeezing her eyes shut. “I can’t do this anymore.” She croaks, voice hoarse and strained.

“Can’t do what?” Twilight asks her softly, still refraining from hugging her, in fear that she’ll irritate her sore and itchy wings again.

Dash sighs. “This.” She points to her untouched food. “This.” She points to herself, then groans. “THIS!” She points to her head with both fore hooves. “All of it!”

The others share a worried look.

“But.. you’ve been doing so well.” Twilight thinks out loud. She’d honestly assumed that they had pretty much beaten this disease, or most of it, anyways.

Rainbow makes eye contact with her tear-filled eyes. “I told you I was afraid I was going to disappoint you.” She rasps.

“You are not disappointing anyone.” Twilight says softly but truthfully. “This is just a setback, a blip. Princess Celestia said that-”

“No, Twilight.”

The alicorn shuts up.

Rainbow continues. “No matter what I do and how hard I try to ignore it, it’s always there, always telling me that what I’m doing is wrong, that I’m fat and no pony could ever like me, and nothing is making it go away.”

Spike’s comforting hand/claw stills in shock. Twilight’s brain basically short-circuits before rebooting.

She teleports a large and wide mirror to them. Rainbow immediately gasps and tries to escape, but Twilight holds her in place before positioning the pegasus next to herself in front of the mirror.

The pegasus stubbornly keeps her eyes closed, so Twilight commands, “look! You are not fat! You’re still a lot skinnier than me!”

At those words, she carefully opens her eyes, then practically stares at their reflections in surprise. Due to the mirror not only showing her own reflection, Dash is able to see the difference immediately. She stares, frozen in shock and mouth agape.

“Do you see?” Twilight asks urgently.

Since Twilight has her wings open, to really show Rainbow all of herself, the pegasus opens her own as well, inspecting her new feathers for a moment, thanks to the better view. Her wings look almost ready to fly.

Rainbow turns on the spot so she’s standing sideways in front of the mirror, and Twilight copies her, both ponies looking at their reflections.

“I don’t understand… why can I see myself normally now, but when it’s just me, I…” Dash trails off, looking away. She swallows thickly. “Why can’t I get it into my brain that THIS is how I look?! How I really look!”

Twilight frowns sadly. “It’s going to take time…”

Rainbow sighs, shutting her eyes. “I’m never going to beat this thing…”

“Rainbow, you already got this far. Don’t give up now.” Twilight points out, though her voice betrays how concerned she is. She levitates one of the broccolis from Dash’s plate over to the pegasus, who only turns her head away. “Come on.. you love broccoli.”

Dash makes no move to grab or eat it. She’s thinking for a moment, then suddenly turns to the alicorn dead serious. “Promise me you’ll tell me when I’m really getting fat.”

“..What?”

“I cannot trust what I see, my own reflection. When I ask you how I look, — actually look — I want you to promise me that you will be honest and tell me when I’m becoming too big.” The pegasus elaborates. “No lies.”

Twilight frowns for a moment, but then realises that she’s never even seen Rainbow the least bit fat. In other words: she’s positive that it will never come to this, to what Rainbow is afraid of.

The alicorn nods confidently. “I promise.”

They hold eye contact until Dash is sure that Twilight means it. Reassured, she gives the mirror one last glance before determindedly accepting the broccoli.

Chapter 15

On the weekend, the girls are having another get-together, to hang out and to check up on and support Rainbow Dash.

“Oh my! Look at you!” Rarity instantly remarks cheerfully, making Dash blush and a bit uncomfortable.

“You’re looking a lot better, Rainbow Dash.” Applejack says with a relieved smile.

“Heh.. thanks, guys.” Dash says nervously, and Twilight wraps an arm around her shoulders.

The alicorn had told the others long ago to never, ever comment on Rainbow’s weight or physique. Even these genuine little compliments could be perceived wrongly, so she gives their friends a pointed look.

“Sorry, darling.” Rarity apologises, and Applejack pulls down her hat a little.

“It’s fine-” Dash gets interrupted by Pinkie Pie practically jumping her, and giving the pegasus a crushingly tight hug. Normally she’s used to it, but her wings are still a tad sore and the pressure was really hurting her. “Argh- Pinkie!”

Twilight engulfs Pinkie Pie in her magical aura and releases the Pegasus from her impossibly tight hold.

“Thanks…” Rainbow murmurs to Twilight, trying to resist the urge to scratch at her wings again.

“What’s the matter, dear?” Rarity asks confused. The others are also confused at what just happened.

“Rainbow is re-growing some feathers, so her wings are pretty sore.” Twilight explains.

“And itchy.” Dash complains, then carefully preens a couple of displaced feathers back to how they should be with her mouth.

“You’re moulting again?” Fluttershy asks surprised. “Why didn’t you say anything?” She knows firsthand how much that annual process annoys her fellow pegasus friend, having spent many long days and nights with her during their many years of friendship. Oftentimes they would moult at almost exactly the same time, so they help each other out.

“You’re already taking care of Tank for me…” Dash starts, then looks over to their alicorn friend, “and Twilight has been helping me get through it.”

Twilight smiles at that. She has only been through moulting twice in her life, and the first time she had barely even realised that it had been happening. Her wings are larger than those of a typical pegasus, so the process took a lot longer, but it was also a lot more gradual.

While Dash had pretty much lost most of her feathers in one week, Twilight pretty much lost and regrew only a few feathers at a time, so all she got was a little twinge, not the full on irritation and horrible itching and pain that Dash is still going through.

Rainbow has told her that she normally regrows the feathers in pretty much the same amount of time as she loses them, and so she’s usually through the whole thing within a week’s time.
It was now the end of the second week and there are still some feathers taking their sweet time to fully grow out.

But…. Rainbow flaps her wings and grins widely at her friends when she finally hovers above their heads again. Every pony and Spike cheer in joy.

She has to land all too soon again, but it was an amazing feeling to be able to fly again, even if just for a little bit.

“Since when were you able to do that?” Twilight asks surprised.

“Since this morning. I test it every day, and today I was finally getting off the ground.” Rainbow tells her excitedly.

“That’s wonderful news!” Fluttershy exclaims, to everyone’s surprise. “We all know how much flying means to you. We are all so, so happy for you!”

Rainbow chuckles, looking down at her own flank. “I mean, it is my cutie mark.”

“We all know how much yah love to race.” Applejack says with a playful eye roll. “Speakin’ of which: the Running Of The Leaves is tomorrow. Any of yah wanna compete?”

Rainbow feels spoken to, smirking at the earth pony. “Heck yeah! I still have to officially beat you, AJ.”

“Hah! In yer dreams, RD. At least this time yah can’t cheat with yer wings.”

Rainbow rolls her eyes and blows a raspberry.

Twilight suddenly looks panicked at the idea of Rainbow taking part in the race.

“Uhm, Twilight?” Spike carefully pokes her with a claw.

All eyes are instantly on the alicorn.

“I don’t think you should run at the race…” She tells Rainbow.

Dash looks around confused, then back at her. “Why not?”

“I’m just not sure if your body can handle it, yet. Remember that your starvation could have affected your heart?”

The girls look worried at the implications.

“But… it’s been months, Twilight. Months. I feel fine.” Dash defends. “And to be honest, I could really do with the exercise.” She mutters under her breath.

Everyone heard her perfectly, and Twilight raises an eyebrow at that. “Rainbow, do you want to do the race so you’ll lose weight?” She asks her straight out.

She hates how Dash looks startled and guilty, like she just got caught red-hooved.

“What? No, of course not! I just want to feel like myself again. I’ve been cooped up in here for ages.” The pegasus defends, though she won’t meet her friends’ eyes — none of them.

Applejack approaches her, gently lifting Dash’s lowered head and trying to get the downcast eyes to meet her own. “Sugarcube, you’ve got nothing to prove. If ya want to run against me for fun, then that’s okay! But we don’t want you to overdo it, and definitely not for the wrong reasons.”

Rainbow hates how her friends can see right through her. Or rather, see through her disorder. Because the reality was that she really just wants to have fun with her friends, but this thing inside her head has to turn everything into a competition, constantly having to prove her worth by being better — even if it kills her.

And right now, that voice inside her head is screaming at her to exercise, because she’s been way too lazy, and laziness turns toned, sleek bodies into lard.

I don’t want to push myself so hard, either, Applejack. She thinks miserably. I’m just not strong enough to not let this thing control me.

“If you feel off at any point, I want you to stop and take a break, or quit the race altogether.” Twilight lectures for the fourth time that day. “Your health and recovery take first priority!”

Dash rolls her eyes. “I heard you perfectly the first ten times you said that. I promise you that I’ll stop if I start to feel unwell. Can I get a number now?”

Applejack gives her sporty friend a pointed look. They all know that Twilight is just as worried as the rest of them, though she’s the only one to actually voice it. “Behave, Dash.” She scolds lightheartedly, before turning to the alicorn. “I’ll keep an eye on ‘er, Twi. You don’t need to worry.” She promises.

Twilight still looks unsure. “Maybe I should join the race, after all…”

“Oh please! There’s no way you’ll be able to keep up, Twilight.” Dash exclaims. “We already told you a bazillion times: Applejack will be right by my side and help me, if I need it.”

Twilight sighs. “I know… I just can’t help but worry. You don’t know what it was like when you fainted right in front of us, or when you passed out and Spike and I couldn’t wake you up right away.”

Now looking and feeling guilty, Rainbow hangs her head with a sigh. This race was supposed to be her breakthrough, to prove to herself and everyone else that she was back to being her awesome, athletic, enduring self.

“The Running Of The Leaves will begin in five minutes!” An announcer calls through speakers.

Twilight nudges Dash’s side. “Go and get your number.”

Confused, the pegasus looks at her with a raised eyebrow. “You sure?”

Twilight nods.

All three of them walk over to the stand so that Dash and AJ could get their starting numbers.

They just make it to the starting line a moment before the race begins.

“See you at the finish line!” Rainbow calls over to Twilight as she, AJ, and the other racers start to sprint and gallop.

Chapter 16

They barely run two hundred meters before the dizziness and blurred vision emerge again. It has been so long since that particular side effect of her disease has hit her, but Dash still knows that she can simply push through it and keep going.

So far, her and Applejack are the front runners, and Rainbow can feel that she couldn’t run to her full potential, because Applejack is visibly (for Dash) holding herself back to match her pace.

The two athletic ponies may be running a race, but the earth pony would hold true to her word and keep an eye on her still recovering friend.

At the halfway point, she was starting to slow down against her will, and two racers surpass the pair. Dash is panting heavily and her vision is repeatedly obstructed by the familiar black dots.

“Sugarcube.” Applejack starts, panting a bit as well, but a lot less out of breath. “Let’s take a break.”

“No….. I’m fine….” Dash barely gets out between her gasping breaths. The devil is taking over, determination fills her and she pushes even further, temporarily speeding up again.

Unfortunately the black spots obstruct her visual field so much that she runs straight into a semi large rock sticking up in the middle of the path, tripping over it with a yelp and groaning when she’s collapsed on the ground.

Applejack immediately brakes to a stop and stands protectively behind her, to keep Dash from getting trampled over.

The other racers quickly surpass them both, rubbing salt into the wound for Dash, and to no important matter whatsoever to Applejack.

When the pegasus makes no move to stand up again, the earth pony offers her a hoof. “You alright there?”

Dash sighs sadly, looking anywhere but at her friend, and tries to get back to her feet without help. The change in posture, plus her exhausted, and still far from totally recovered, body, make the dizziness and black vision return full force, accompanied by the under-water-hearing.

She stumbles all of two steps before collapsing all over again. She wishes that she was unconscious, because her brain is practically tearing her apart for being so weak. How is she supposed to fly as a Wonderbolt ever again if she’s this useless?

“Get on mah back.” Applejack orders, crouching next to her.

“We’ll both lose the race. Again.” Dash complains, shaking her head.

“Forget the race! Yah can’t even get up!”

Of course she means it well, but the remark only feeds the negative thoughts for Dash.

“I’m fine.” She argues, glaring at her friend, and pushes herself up again. Applejack is instantly offering herself for Dash to lean on, but of course the stubborn pegasus ignores her, and to AJ’s utter disbelief, she suddenly runs off in a full on sprint, as though trying to catch up to the other ponies.

The earth pony runs after her, calling her name and trying to get her to stop. She’d made the promise to Twilight that she would keep their friend safe, and she already knows that Dash is not going to stop unless her body gives out — and keeping Twilight’s worry about the condition of Dash’s heart in mind, her body might even give out for good.

Horse apples. This was a stupid idea. And it was my stupid idea. She thinks as she continues to gallop after her friend.

“Rainbow, STOP!” She shouts again, and not a moment later, the pegasus collapses for a third time. Applejack barely has enough time to slow down before she would inadvertently injure her friend further.

This time, however, the pegasus is passed out and unresponsive.

“Darn it, Dash. Yah should’ve stopped.” She grumbles, though the only pony she blames is herself. She inhales deeply before hollering into the sky, “HELP! SOME PONY HELP!”

When Dash comes to again, she hears Applejack trying to calm down Twilight, who is ranting about her own failure to keep Rainbow safe.

“It’s not your fault.” She rasps, pushing herself up on wobbly legs, barely able to sit up. She barely opens her eyes before she feels her friends holding her stable on either side.

“What do you mean?” She hears Twilight, but all she could see right now are blurry, colourful blobs.

“It was me…” she admits, still trying to blink her vision clear.

Her friends are just getting more confused, sharing an unseen look.

“We should take you to a hospital.” Twilight says seriously. “Something could be seriously wrong.”

Dash picks up her head at that. “No!”

“Rainbow, you just passed out — again. That’s not good!”

Dash groans. “Urgh! It was me, okay?!”

The other two stare at her, stunned.

The Pegasus sighs. “I figured that I need my normal metabolism if I want to have any chance to win this race against Applejack, once and for all. So.. I… didn’t take those pills…”

There is a three second pause as her words sink in. Then…
“You did WHAT?!” Twilight exclaims angrily. “How in Equestria did you even do that without me noticing?!” She wonders, because she always makes sure to not leave Dash alone for her meals.

Rainbow nervously scratches the back of her neck. “I cheeked it, then spat it out when I was alone.” She hangs her head again, this time in shame rather than dizziness. “I’m sorry. I really thought that it wouldn’t matter much at this point if I was taking them or not..”

While Twilight has a stroke, Applejack comes in front of the Pegasus and enforces eye contact. “We’ve talked about this, Rainbow Dash. Yer ill, and still recovering. Yer body can’t handle this much exertion yet. Yah just need some more time.”

Dash squeezes her eyes shut in rising anger at the last part. “I have! I’m trying to be patient! I’m fighting every single day!” She slumps her shoulders with a sigh. “I just want everything to go back to how it was before I decided to be stupid.”

Twilight is able to think clearly again and frowns at that. “What do you mean, ‘before you decided to be stupid’? No pony ‘decides’ to get ill.”

“I would take a hundred feather flu’s over this.” Dash grumbles. “I don’t even want to talk about any of it, because… imagine being afraid of food, or your own reflection — because you can’t even see what you actually look like!” She snaps, facepalming and flaring her wings. “I’m so sick of it! But it doesn’t go away! And I’m so sick of always disappointing everyone.” She turns away and rips off her race number. “I wish I would just disappear.” She mutters to herself with her voice cracking, before making to run away.

Applejack quickly chomps onto her tail to keep her here, but all that does is make Dash yelp and run off, and leave the earth pony with her mouth full of fallen-out tail hairs. Twilight gasps at the sight before quickly grabbing the Pegasus with her magic, before she could escape.

“Rainbow, stop. Let’s just talk.” She approaches carefully, placing the Pegasus down and releasing her magical hold.

Applejack spits out the many colourful hairs. “We only want to help you, sugarcube.”

“Why haven’t you told us that you’re struggling so much?” Twilight asks softly. “Why haven’t you told me?”

Rainbow sighs heavily, pointedly looking at the ground. “What’s the point? Talking about it doesn’t solve anything.”

“Princess Celestia-”
“-isn’t dealing with this ridiculous disorder!” Dash shouts.
“No, she isn’t, but she has helped a pony to recover from it.” Twilight points out. “And she said that you will too, because you have us.” She throws AJ a smile. “Because friends don’t abandon friends when things get tough.”

“Yeah, cause true friends are loyal to each other, right Rainbow?” Applejack jokes with a grin.

The Pegasus finally looks up, still insecure and with her ears pinned back. “I just don’t know how to get better. I’m doing everything you guys tell me to, but it’s not getting any easier.” She looks away again, unable to face her friends as she finally opens up about her struggle. “I dread every new day, because it means I’ll have to eat again. I dread every meal, every snack. I can’t handle seeing my reflection on anything. Without Princess Luna, I have never ending nightmares of eating everything in sight and becoming absolutely huge.”

Twilight can’t help tearing up at hearing how much her friend has been silently suffering.

Applejack closes her eyes in sadness for a moment, then reaches out and puts a hoof on her defeated friend’s shoulder. “I won’t pretend to understand what yer going through, but Ah know that yer one of the most stubborn, thick headed ponies that Ah’ve ever met. If any pony can get through this, it’s you. We all believe in you, and we’ll all be there fer you.”

Rainbow looks up at her when she backs away again. Dash has tears welling up in her eyes. “I hate putting you guys through this. I don’t want you all to have to worry about me all the time.” She tells her friends, shaking her head. “It’s just that.. sometimes, the voice in my head tells me that I don’t deserve to get better. That I shouldn’t even be here anymore, when it just means hurting you guys. And that every time I eat, I fail…”

Twilight has to wipe away tears before she can speak. “You deserve to get better, and we will tell you that as long and as often as you need us to, until you no longer doubt it.” She pulls the Pegasus into a hug, and they cry into each other’s manes. Applejack hums in agreement, hugging both ponies even tighter.

Chapter 17

Applejack stayed over at the Friendship Castle for a while, joining her friends for lunch.
Twilight levitates one of the magical pills to Rainbow, who takes and swallows it without argument, throwing her friends a sheepish smile.

Probably thanks to her temporarily heightened metabolism, Dash was actually hungry and ate without hesitation or second thought. The latter only came afterwards, when her plate was empty and her belly nauseatingly full and uncomfortable.
Her priorly empty stomach was now filled with regret and a heaviness that makes her never want to eat again.

The others quickly noticed her growing quiet and drawn in on herself.
“Wanna read some Daring Do?” Twilight offers as a way for Rainbow to distract herself for a while.

“Actually.. I think I’ll take a nap.” The pegasus replies, failing to stifle a yawn. “I’m pretty tired out.”

The girls nod understandingly.

Princess Luna startles awake when her horn sparks. She has created a spell that alerts her whenever Rainbow Dash is asleep, so that she could support the pegasus as much as possible.

It’s been a bit tiresome as of late, since Twilight has made Dash sleep more than she was awake. Rainbow had explained the situation to the Princess of the Night, and the alicorn could understand why the situation was handled this way.

She enters the dream a tad late, and is surprised when Dream-Rainbow is not only obese as always, but trying desperately, but in vain, to make herself throw up in a bathroom.
With a flash of her horn, Luna cancels the dream, causing both ponies to float in a dark void.

Rainbow first panics, but then she sees Luna and sighs in relief. “Thanks…”

“It appears to be getting worse, instead of better.” Luna remarks, concerned at what she has just witnessed. “Did you not take part in the race earlier today?” She asks, because Dash had told her about her plans. The race should have boosted the competitive pony’s confidence, but instead it seems like her insecurities are growing stronger.

Dash looks away with her ears flat. “I did… but I wasn’t ready for that much physical exertion.” She sighs. “I thought I could handle it, and I completely blew it.” She scolds herself. “I’ve made everyone believe that I’m getting better, but the only thing getting better are my lies and acting.” She admits.

“That’s very concerning.” Luna states. “Rainbow Dash, answer me honestly: do you still want to recover?”

She doesn’t miss a beat. “Of course! I’m sick and tired of this, of the lies, of worrying and hurting my friends.” She looks up when she gets an idea. “That other pony, the one Princess Celestia said had the same illness. How did she recover? What did her friends do differently? Or even better: do you know where she lives? Maybe she can give us some advice.”

Luna seems confused by the questions. “What do you mean ‘her friends’?”

Rainbow raises an eyebrow. “Princess Celestia told us that her student recovered with the help of her friends.”

All at once, Luna realises what is going on here.
And she’s not the only one. Dash may not be smart like Twilight, but she notices things, and she’s definitely not stupid.

“The pony did recover… right?” She asks suspiciously — and utterly terrified of the answer being ‘no’.

“Well,.. yes, she did.” Luna replies carefully. “But only temporarily…”

Rainbow feels like her heart just dropped down an endless cliff. Her heart begins to race insanely fast, and the surge in anxiety causes her to wake up abruptly, separating her from Luna in the blink of an eye.

She sits up with a loud gasp, pressing a hoof against her painfully thumping heart in her chest. Then she curls in on herself and breaks down into tears.

A moment later, Twilight runs into the room, assuming that Dash simply had another nightmare.
Only… the pegasus has never been this upset before.

For many long minutes, Dash was too upset to get any words out, and is left just crying in her friend’s embrace. Twilight keeps trying to calm her down, telling her over and over again that everything would be fine, not knowing that Dash now knew for a fact that it’s all a lie.

“We’ve been lied to.” She eventually croaks, voice hoarse and scratchy from crying.

“What do you mean?” Twilight asks perplexed.

“The pony that Princess Celestia told us about… she didn’t recover.” She manages to say before breaking down again.

Twilight is left speechless, not wanting to believe that Celestia would lie to them, and especially about something so serious.
But worst of all: she felt helpless. And by the look of her friend falling apart in her arms, Rainbow felt the same way, and possibly ten times more.

The lavender alicorn swallows thickly. “Maybe she didn’t recover. But we won’t let you down.” She promises.

Meanwhile in Canterlot, Luna seeks her sister and confronts her. “Why in Equestria did you tell them that Silver Spell recovered?!”

Celestia startles. “Because she did.”

Luna groans, facepalming before giving her sister a murderous glare. “Not because she had friends, and not for long! You can’t just-”

“Make sure that they don’t lose hope and try to help Rainbow Dash?” Celestia asks assertively.

“Give them false hope!” Luna shouts.

Celestia lowers her voice, telling her sister sternly, “it’s not false hope. I have no doubts that her friends can help her recover, and more importantly, stay that way.”

Luna bites her lip, averting her sister’s gaze.

Celestia realises that something is wrong. “Luna…. What did you do?!”

Chapter 18 Author's Note

Hey guys, I am BACK :heart:

Have some angst and Spike handling the situation for once.

Chapter 18

Standing on her hind legs, Rainbow blankly looks out the window in her room, head resting on crossed fore legs, perched on the window sill. It was long past midnight, and despite being tired, she has no interest in seeing Luna tonight.

Not that she could fall asleep in the first place, her thoughts running wild and unable to pick a side.
She knows that she’s only prolonging the inevitable. Both in terms of sleep, and in terms of this thing killing her.

Her thoughts have turned dark about an hour ago, and now she’s furious. She just achieved her lifelong dream, how can something stupid like this, just take it away from her?!

Her tired eyes hallucinate the stars in the sky moving, turning into an outline of her previous self, all proud and strong, soaring about the night sky. She longs to fly like that again, but at the moment she’s too tired to even attempt it.

And, much to her major annoyance, she was also too hungry. She hadn’t managed more than two bites at dinner, Twilight’s encouragements having no avail. Dash was just too upset about her only hope being crushed. Which in itself makes her mad, because she should feel confident about beating this thing thanks to her friends, and not because of a pony they’d never met and never will be able to meet.

It was now getting close to 4am and Rainbow could no longer deny that she felt like she was starving. Not just hungry but actually starving.
And the worst part is that her disordered brain is telling her that this is good, this is how it’s supposed to be, you’re doing so well.

She glares at nothing in particular. “Shut up, I’m not listening to you.” She growls in a low whisper, not wanting to accidentally wake up anyone.

Making up her mind, she abandons the window and makes her way into the castle’s kitchen. She has absolutely no plan, other than that she has to eat something.

But when she gets there and sees all the options, her determination falters. There were just too many options, and without Twilight here with her to watch her and make sure that she eats, the voice tells her that she doesn’t need food yet, it wasn’t even morning yet, she’d be going off Twilight’s strict meal plans and ruin everything,… and she takes a hesitant step backwards.

She squeezes her eyes shut to try to block out the blasted voice. She wants to eat, damn it..!

Rainbow makes another attempt, tries to pick up a simple apple from a fruit basket. The voice shouts such a loud “NO!” that she’s almost sure half of Ponyville must have heard it.

She pulls her hoof back to herself, and her mixed emotions spill over into desperate tears. She bucks the air in frustration, then just curls up on the kitchen floor and cries, dripping tears filled with hopelessness onto the floor.

She isn’t strong enough. She will end up like the other pony.
Just another lost pony.

She doesn’t know how long she lays there, crying silently into the morning hours, when she suddenly hears footsteps approaching.

She looks up and watches Spike yawn, then rub his barely open eyes as he continues to come inside. He hasn’t taken notice of her yet, just seems to go through muscle memory as he grabs a glass and fills it with tap water.

Rainbow thinks about getting up and hiding somewhere, not wanting to be seen like this, but she was too numb and apathetic to make a single move.

Spike turns around as he drinks, then finally opens his eyes, and startles half to death. “Ah!” He almost drops the glass, but catches it before it could hit the ground and shatter. He takes a few heavy breaths, then sighs. “What are you doing here? The sun isn’t even up.”

Ashamed again by her failure, Dash only looks away sadly.

Surprised by her reaction, and wondering what the pegasus was even doing, laying on the kitchen floor so early, he places the glass on the kitchen counter and walks the few steps over to her. “Is… everything alright?” He asks gently, then remembers the time when he’d found her unconscious. “Did you pass out again??”

Tilting her head in momentary confusion, Dash replies, “no… nothing like that.” Her voice is raw and scratchy and her throat actually hurts.

He winces at the sound. That couldn’t be comfortable. “Let me get you some water.” Spike decides, going to do just that. Living with Twilight and her never ending checklists, and the checklists for the checklists, has taught him to always just tackle one thing — the easiest and most doable — after the other.

Besides, he would leave the more serious tasks to Twilight, because Spike is definitely not equipped to handle Dash’s problem, and he was not going to risk making a mistake and making her worse.

He gives Rainbow the glass and tells her that he’ll check if Twilight is awake yet.

“No..! Don’t.” She says.

“..why not?” He asks, still halfway through the doorway.

Dash sighs. “Because I’m the biggest failure in all of Equestria.” She grumbles.

Spike can’t help but smile ruefully. “I think you might be exaggerating a little.” He comes back to her side. “What’s going on? Because most ponies come into the kitchen for food or a drink, not sleep on the floor.” He jokes half-heartedly.

Rainbow drinks the rest of her water and cringes momentarily at her gnawing stomach. “I did come here for food.” She mutters bitterly.

Spike waits for her to continue, but the pegasus goes silent again. He looks around and can’t help but notice that the whole kitchen looks untouched. There was no evidence anywhere of someone having eaten anything here since yesterday.

“O-kaaay...” He says mostly to himself, not knowing what else he could say to that. He decides to change the subject… kind of. “Mind if I grab a few gems? I’m pretty hungry.” He adds without hesitation.

“Go ahead.” Dash replies earnestly. She curiously watches the dragon take out a handful of little gems from one of the cupboards, before joyfully cracking one with his teeth as he chews.

How could something so normal become such a struggle? She wonders.

The first rays of sunshine enter the room through the windows, and Rainbow is once again torn. It was morning now, which means that she’s allowed to eat again, but instead, the voice is reminding her that Twilight is not here yet, so she could go a bit longer without eating.

Frustrated beyond belief, she groans loudly and bangs a front hoof against her head repeatedly. “Shut up, shut up, shut up,…” she whispers to herself, and fresh tears emerge as she tries to fight this demon that has taken over her life.

Spike drops his last gem without a second thought and pushes himself between the abusing hoof and her front, hugging the Pegasus on autopilot. He doesn’t know why he didn’t just call for Twilight, but his own instincts have taken over at the sight of his friend hurting herself. “It’s going to be okay.” He promises her genuinely.

For a moment, Dash wants to push him away and scream that nothing is okay, but then all tension just leaves her body, because she realises that she doesn’t have to depend on Twilight to fight her battles for her, doesn’t need anyone else to make the decisions for her.

It- She will be okay. Because she has friends that she can count on. Who will be there for her, no matter what.

She won’t become another lost pony.

“…hey, Spike? I think I’m in the mood for a real breakfast.”

If he noticed the wavering in her voice, he doesn’t let on. “Any requests?”

When Twilight comes out of her bedroom a while later, she could hear giggling and happy banter the closer she gets to the kitchen.

“And then, we found this huge gem, probably bigger than a pony, and her magic couldn’t get it out of the cave wall, so I decided to take matters in- oh, hey Twilight!” Spike calls happily, interrupting his story.

To the alicorn’s surprise, the two were eating pancakes, sitting on the kitchen floor.

“Hope you don’t mind, we started breakfast a little early.” Her assistant adds when Rainbow is momentarily stunned into an awkward silence again.

“I don’t.. huh?” Twilight stutters. Yesterday, Dash had barely managed to eat a thing, they’d both felt utterly defeated, so this is a very stark contrast. She’s almost sure that she’s still asleep, somehow.

“Don’t worry, they’re protein pancakes. I found a recipe in the book you…. Twilight? You okay?” Spike asks.

Rainbow looks away, not daring to take another bite, convinced that Twilight is mad at her for not following the meal plan’s strict time schedule. To her huge surprise, the alicorn suddenly all but tackles her, hugging the Pegasus in immense relief.

Spike just smiles at the display, swallowing the last bit of his pancake, then gets to his feet. “I’ll make us some more.” He says, then pours the needed amount of batter into the frying pan.

Twilight releases her friend, throwing the Pegasus a very proud smile, which causes the latter to blush. Rainbow manages to continue eating her pancake, which is made ten times easier when Twilight gets her own to eat with her.
“Thank you, Spike.” She tells him genuinely, meaning so much more than just ‘thanks’ for making breakfast. He only grins, knowing exactly what she means, and goes back to the stove.

“Dash, want another one?” Spike asks when the next one is done. His way of handling Rainbow’s problem is apparently to just treat her normally. He doesn’t hesitate to ask, and he doesn’t pressure her to eat when she replies,

“No thanks, I’m good.”

Twilight seems to want to say something, but then thinks better of it. She’s just glad that Dash is eating again, in the first place. Though she can’t help but notice that the Pegasus looks utterly worn out.
“Did you have more nightmares?” She asks carefully, afraid that she’ll ruin the good mood.

Rainbow shakes her head. “Couldn’t sleep.” She takes another bite, mostly to prolong the time until she has to talk about what really happened last night. “I had a rough night… I don’t think I’ve ever felt so hopeless before, but Spike was a great help.”

Part of Twilight wants to ask why she hadn’t come to her, if she was feeling so bad.

Rainbow continues, in a much more cheery tone. “And he still has to finish telling me about that time when he and Rarity were gem hunting.”

Spike laughs at that, takes the newest pancake for himself and continues his tale.

Chapter 19

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 20

Days pass.

On some, it seems like nothing was ever the matter with the Element of Loyalty.

The good days were then quickly followed by bad days. Days where Rainbow dreads every new morning, and the very passing of time, because every day was filled with seemingly constant meals and snacks.

They were still working their way up to a normal, healthy intake for the athlete, due to her still not being able to finish all her portions without major discomfort and an all consuming panic setting in.

And then, everything changes.

One morning, Dash finds herself still hungry when her breakfast is eaten up. Albeit confused, she ignores it for a while, but interrupts Twilight in the library barely half an hour later, asking if she could have her snack.

Twilight looks up from her books, her magic having levitated them all around herself, and checks the time, assuming that she must have gotten so lost in her study-hyperfocus that she was neglecting Dash’s meal plan.

“Already?” She asks dumbfounded when she sees that barely any time has passed since breakfast. This has never happened before.

Normally it was a bit of a fight to get Dash to eat her snacks, the pegasus claiming that she was still nauseatingly and uncomfortably full.

“I’m hungry..” Dash admits shamefully in a subdued voice. She couldn’t understand it, but she was almost desperate for food. That has never happened to her before.

This makes Twilight shut the books and lay them on the table. “Hungry as in you need a meal?” She asks to make sure.

A look of horror crosses her face. “No! Just… augh, I just need something.”

Sensing that words would get them nowhere, Twilight decides that she would just go to the kitchen with her. “Come on.”

She gives the pegasus her requested snack, going through her checklists to see if maybe it was time to adjust the meal sizes again already, and to her utter surprise, Dash hesitantly asks if she could have another.

“Are you sure you took the metabolic pill this morning?” Twilight asks, now completely confused at what is going on. She had seen Dash swallow it — along with more food than she has ever eaten so far, and willingly at that.

Of course the alicorn is only trying to understand what is going on, but the questions are only making the pegasus more and more insecure and ashamed of herself. Now more than ever does she feel weak-minded, thinking that she should have more self-control, but she was just so goddamn hungry, and no matter what she eats, she never feels satisfied..!

She may as well have swallowed air for all the good that eating the high protein foods is doing for her.

“Yes! I took it, of course I did, you saw me take it.” Dash defends in a snappy tone.

“I’m sorry. I just don’t understand…” Twilight pauses, shakes her head at herself. “Never mind. I’m glad you’re listening to what your body is telling you, and if you’re still hungry then we’ll just adjust your plan accordingly.”

“And while you do that, I can have some more?” Dash asks hopefully.

Twilight, already busy with her lists again, simply levitates another pre-packed snack over to the pegasus.

Dash just finishes her second snack — still ravenously hungry and feeling like she’s on the brink of starving to death — when one of the Wonderbolt members comes inside through the window.

“Newbie! We’ve been looking all over for you. We only got four days until our final show before winter break, need you at the Compound.”

Dash and Twilight instantly look at each other, silently asking one another if she’s allowed and if she feels well enough to do this.
“This is my dream.” Rainbow reminds her in a low whisper, and the alicorn knows when she has lost.

“Please, don’t push yourself too hard.” Twilight pleads desperately as Dash passes her and starts to flap her wings to get airborne.

“Promise.” Rainbow says, making full eye contact with Twilight, and then the pegasi are off.

Despite feeling so hungry, like she would never be able to feel full again, Dash finds that this hunger is different.

Of course it’s different; she’s never experienced hunger like this.

But she doesn’t get dizzy and her vision doesn’t go spotty or fully black. She’s just.. hungry. All she can think about is food and how hungry she is, which is definitely not a good thing to deal with when she’s supposed to fly as a Wonderbolt.

“Crash!” Spitfire yells in greeting. “Long time no see!”

Dash lands in front of her, slightly out of breath. “Uh, y-yeah..” she frowns, “why are you calling me 'Crash'?”

“Cause it’s your nickname. Can’t be calling you Newbie forever, can we?” Spitfire jokes. Then she takes off her sunglasses and takes a closer look at the cyan pegasus. “What happened to you?”

Dash blinks, her brain short circuiting. Is she asking because I gained so much weight..?

“We may have to get the tailors to adjust your suit…” Spitfire continues thoughtfully, and Rainbow is trying very, very hard not to cry.

The leader then lifts one of Dash’s wings with her hoof, then steps back and gives her a pointed look. “Have you been sick or something? You lost a lot of weight, and I know fresh, new feathers when I see them.”

“F-Feather flu.” Dash chokes out before she even thought of a reply, her brain replaying the phrase ‘you lost a lot of weight’ over and over.

She is still thin. She isn’t overweight.

“Are you even fit to fly?” Spitfire asks, deep concern in her voice.

“Yes, ma’am.” Dash says with a salute. She hopes that Spitfire doesn’t notice how her voice is shaking at the rising panic of some pony else finding out about her ‘problem'.

“Hmm. Well, alright. Go get dressed, we got two routines this time, cause Princess Celestia is having her celebration thing here in Ponyville.”

At the mention of Celestia, Dash feels a cold shudder trail down her spine. She might have made up with Luna over the past nights, and she knows that Celestia only lied to give them hope, but it still hurts nonetheless.
She isn’t sure how to feel about performing a show for the ruler, and possibly having to talk to her.

After getting dressed in her uniform, Dash could now understand Spitfire’s concern. The same suit that she once couldn’t even zip closed, now hung loosely around her frame. Not loose enough as to cause problems like making her trip, but it’s a heavy reality check that causes time to briefly stand still.

In the mirror reflection, she sees herself, the way she can normally only see in her dreams thanks to Princess Luna. Her uniform seems to have the same effect as that one spell, and yet it feels different, because this is real.

Part of her is shocked at how thin she still is. Another part — or rather, the disorder that’s residing in her brain — relishes in the knowledge that she is now the slimmest Wonderbolt, and it really wants for her to stay that way.

And just for a moment, the insatiable hunger that’s been plaguing her is forgotten as she exits the building and joins the rest of the team.

“Ooh, this is bad..” Twilight mumbles to herself after reading (possibly) the only book in Equestrian History that has been written about Anorexia Nervosa and its recovery process.

“What’s ‘bad’?” Spike asks.

“I was trying to figure out what’s going on with Rainbow Dash today, and it says here that some ponies who are recovering from this disease, enter a stage called “extreme hunger” or “insatiable hunger”. It’s the body’s way to repair the damage that’s been done during starvation and restricting food intake, and it can happen at any point during the recovery process.”

“That sounds like she’s on the right track. So… where’s the problem?”

Twilight sighs, irritated at her own self. “This is the worst possible time for her to be training with the Wonderbolts. She’s going to fight the hunger and start restricting all over again.
Plus, it says here that this stage can be caused by a 'hyper metabolism', due to the body trying to get whatever it can to repair itself. I don’t know if one of the metabolic pills will be enough if that’s the case; what if she passes out in the middle of training?!”

Dash lasts almost an hour before she just couldn’t take the tormenting hunger anymore. They’re all taking one of their five minute breaks, and Dash decides to leave the group and tread into the cafeteria instead.

She would only grab a quick snack, and then she would hopefully get the routine down. As soon as she could focus on anything other than the feeling of her stomach eating itself and turning itself inside out.

Of course the small snack wouldn’t so much as put a dent in it, no matter how high the protein content was, and she resigns herself to just try to get through training as her stomach continues to gnaw at itself.

Author's Note

Crazy that this already has 20 chapters. I hate time skips like this, but this would just get too repetitive, so it was high time for the next part in this story — Dash getting back to the Wonderbolts.

Sorry about the long breaks between updates. It’s irritatingly difficult to write a recovery fic when you’re struggling more and more… :ajsleepy: :facehoof:

Chapter 21

Twilight continues to memorise everything written about the insatiable hunger, but comes to the decision that she needs to intervene when the book says that it can be incredibly stressful, overwhelming, and anxiety inducing, as it can feel like a complete loss of control — which is the worst nightmare for those suffering from the disorder.

In extreme cases, the psychological stress can cause not only a relapse, but also make them seek out extreme measures to put a stop to the hunger in their desperation. Extreme measures, which Twilight is absolutely horrified by the very idea of ponies doing this to themselves.

She is once again reminded that this disorder is very dangerous, even deadly. What she hadn’t considered until now, was that the recovery process could cause even more suffering than it already has.

She only manages a brief goodbye to Spike before working her rarely used wings to quickly fly to the Wonderbolts Compound, while her mind is already going through all sorts of worst case scenarios that she might find when she arrives…

Meanwhile…

Rainbow barely makes it to the end of the training session. By the time they’re all in the showers, she’s ready to eat a bar of soap if she didn’t know that they’re minutes away from eating lunch.

The extreme desire for food just would not leave her alone, no matter how many times she tells herself that she’s not hungry, can’t be hungry, her brain and stomach refuse to listen.

Sometimes, for a brief second or two, a thought borne out of her rising panic and paranoia, tells her that Twilight must have done something to her. Put a spell on her in her sleep, or magiced a pill to cause this.

But as quickly as the thoughts of doubt appear, they also disappear, pushed away by rationality. Because why would Twilight do that to her, and then wonder and question Dash about being hungry?

Of course, there is also the possibility that the alicorn was just playing dumb. But let’s be real here: that egghead would, and could, never do that.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I am hungry as a horse.” Spitfire remarks jokingly, putting up her towel to dry.
The other female ‘Bolts agree.

Dash finds that she hasn’t even fully dried herself off yet, unable to focus on such a task when there’s finally food.

“Coming, Crash?” The leader asks, waiting by the door for a moment.

Not wanting to seem too eager and be viewed as the seemingly bottomless pit she has become, she just nods, shakes off the last bit of moisture, and follows the yellow pegasus to the canteen.

Without being able to pay attention, Dash only realises that she’s, once again, eaten much too quickly around her teammates when she looks up from her empty plates.

You’re not just a bottomless pit, but a bottomless pig. The voice in her head hisses in disgust.

Luckily, no one feels the need to point out her gluttony this time, but it doesn’t help that she still felt like she could eat a second serving. Maybe even a third-

She felt completely out of control.

And that is when the full anxiety set in, because this was so much like all those nightmares she’s suffered. Nightmares of uncontrollable gluttony, and she knows exactly what follows.

Any second now, she’s going to turn into a giant ball of lard, bulldozing everything in her path.

That has to be it. This is just another one of those dreams. But where is Luna? The Princess of the Night would usually be here by now.

“Hello? Earth to Rainbow Dash?” Spitfire’s amused voice brings her back to reality.

“Uhh… huh?”

“You’re drooling.” The leader points out, and when Dash looks down, sure enough, she’s been dripping on her tray.

“You okay, Rainbow Dash?” Soarin asks, his eyebrows in a worried frown.

“Yeah, you seem kinda.. out of it, today.” Fleetfoot adds, for once not in a mocking way but actually concerned.

Dash remains speechless, because this doesn’t feel like a dream anymore. And honestly, if it had just been a dream, it wouldn’t worry her this much, because that would have explained the constant eating.

If this is reality, then….

“Is this just from the feather flu you had?” Spitfire offers, and then all of a sudden, the pegasi watch in horror as Dash’s chest begins to rapidly heave in near hyperventilation, before their cyan teammate jumps up and runs outside. “Hey- wait!”

Rainbow runs straight back into the changing/shower rooms, figuring that maybe she could fill up on water until her stomach had no other choice but to accept that it wasn’t going to get any more food, at least for the time being.

As much as she wishes to never eat again, she knows perfectly well that that was simply not possible.
But then again, she also feels like she is absolutely losing her mind over this. And even if she couldn’t explain it, she felt like she completely and utterly failed — at what exactly, she doesn’t even know.

“I understand nothing anymore…” she mumbles to herself after possibly drinking half her weight in water. The added pressure in her stomach only makes her feel even more ill, which quickly makes her regret her decision.

The worst part happens when she glances at one of the mirrors, previously fogged up from their showers. She looks, and feels, like a pregnant mare, and is thrown into a whole new hell.

Look at what you’ve done! You’ve ruined everything! You are disgusting! The voice yells, and she could feel her already racing pulse get even faster, the beats harsher and stronger, to the point that it’s becoming painful in her chest.
The pain mixes with the discomfort of her stomach, her breaths coming faster and faster, and suddenly she’s throwing up the water she’d drank only moments earlier, back into the sink.

She’s coughing and spitting, holding on for dear life as a horrible dizziness makes her head spin, by the time Twilight finds her.

“Rainbow!” She calls, horrified that she’s already too late. “Rainbow, stop, come here-” she pulls the pegasus away from the sink, causing her to collapse into the alicorn in her weakened state.

“Please make it stop..!” Rainbow begs in between sobs, before burying her head into Twilight’s mane. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me…” she cries.

“I’ve done some research while you were here. It’s called extreme hunger, or insatiable hunger, and it’s a normal stage that can happen during recovery.” The alicorn informs her softly.

“How long before this will go away?” Rainbow asks, separating from her friend and sniffling.

Twilight bites her lip. “Could be days, could be weeks... In some cases, it can even last months. The body is just trying to repair itself from the damage.”

She’s hoping that this will go away as quickly as it came, since Dash is no longer so scarily thin.

“Months?!”

Twilight sighs. “Listen.. you don’t want to hear this, but the only way this will go away is to honour it.”

Dash tilts her head in confusion. “Honour it?”

“You have to keep eating.” Twilight clarifies. “These hunger cues aren’t simply there to annoy you or distress you. Your body needs it.”

“But.. you said that my body is repairing itself. I already had to moult all over again, what’s there more to repair?” Dash asks, opening her wings and pointing to the shiny feathers for emphasis.

“The organs, bones, hair…” Twilight lists off. “Just to name a few. Everything suffers when we’re malnourished, because the body has to take the strength and vitamins from itself, to give to the vital organs, to keep us alive.”
She’s very careful to keep the pronouns neutral, as it’s easier to explain the facts when it doesn’t sound like she’s trying to scold her friend for something that was out of her own control.

“So I’m not…. binge-ing, out of control?” Rainbow asks hesitantly, still feeling a sense of deja vu about her nightmares. She definitely feels like she is losing all control over her eating.
She looks down at herself, before quickly turning her head away and screwing her eyes shut.

Twilight shakes her head, laying a hoof on Dash’s shoulder to get her attention again. “I know that this is distressing, but I can tell you that you are unlikely to even gain weight from this. Your metabolism is even faster than normal.”

“Really?”

The alicorn nods. “So don’t hold yourself back.” She pauses, and they both hear approaching steps outside. “I know that this is important to you, but are you okay to continue here, or…”

“Princess Twilight? What are you doing here?” Spitfire asks when she enters. “Is everything alright?”

Rainbow hangs her head in shame, immediately reminded of her sudden exit and convinced that the other Wonderbolts think so much less of her now.

Twilight takes over. “Rainbow was just feeling a bit under the weather. She hasn’t been feeling well this morning, so I figured I would check in on her.”

“Still recovering from that feather flu?” Spitfire asks gently.

Twilight blinks in puzzlement, before realising that that’s what Dash must have told them. “Probably. It was a bad case, lost all her feathers. She’s been living with me for a while.”

Spitfire seems almost distressed at the news. She steps directly in front of Dash, giving her another once-over. Eyes still glossy and red from crying and getting sick earlier, her nose a bit stuffed and runny that she keeps sniffling.
“Go home. Rest up, and then we’ll see if you’re doing better tomorrow.”

The words of stern concern only make her want to cry all over again. She’s being sent home, all because she’s constantly hungry.

It feels even more like eating equals punishment.

Dash painfully swallows her shame and other ill feelings towards herself, and leaves the Compound with Twilight.

Throughout the flight back, she refuses to utter a single word.

Author's Note

September is national suicide awareness month. 1 in 5 deaths caused by anorexia is suicide. You are not an exception, you deserve to recover. Please do not wait until you are worse to get better, you deserve to recover the minute you even think about recovery.

Chapter 22 Author's Note

You guys are absolutely going to hate me for the next couple of chapters. :pinkiecrazy:

Chapter 22

“Where are you going?” Twilight asks when Dash walks right past the kitchen when they’re back in the Friendship Castle.

“I think I’ll just go sleep for a bit…” She sighs. “I’m pretty tired out.”

“Do you need anything?” Twilight asks, meaning if Dash needed more food.

Dash shakes her head. Truth be told, food was currently the last thing on her mind, and she still felt ill to her stomach from earlier.

“Alright..” Twilight says, watching her friend with an uneasy feeling. Ever since leaving the Compound, Dash has refused to so much as glance anywhere near her. It was like there was suddenly this invisible barrier between the two friends. She felt like Rainbow was unreachable, despite being right there with her.

She remains in the hallway even after Rainbow closed the door, wondering what she should do. It’s obvious that something is bothering the pegasus, but something tells her not to press, and to give her some space for now.

When it becomes obvious that Twilight isn’t moving, Spike comes over to her side. “How is she?”

Twilight only shakes her head before closing her eyes, an action so familiar that Spike only grimaces and lays a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“I’m so scared.” She whispers, ears pinned back.

A while later, Twilight is residing in the kitchen with Spike. The dragon had made her some tea to calm her nerves, and the alicorn was once again nose deep in the only book that she’s been reading as of late.

Warning signs of progression of the disease, physically and mentally:

Constantly feeling cold and shivering when the body runs out of storages to convert to energy in order to keep them warm

Extreme physical weakness, to the point of being unable to get up

Chest pains, from exertion or during rest

Complete refusal to consume food or water in presence of others / Only eating in secret and hiding food

Refusal to consume liquids at all, for fear of gaining weight

'Getting rid' of consumed foods by inducing vomiting or abusing laxatives

Severe constipation from GI tract shutting down — Can lead to laxative abu-

Twilight startles when she hears the soft steps of Rainbow finally emerging. She’s surprised to see the pegasus with a blanket thrown over her back. Was she feeling cold again already?

She stays silent while the pegasus grabs a prepared protein shake from the fridge. Twilight has a bunch of prepared meals ready for her, especially now.

Although.. she may have gone a bit overboard with it, but in her defence, it had given her something to do, before she eventually went back to the book that she simultaneously dreads and looks forward to reading.

“It’s almost dinner time.” Twilight can’t stop herself from pointing out.

“I’m aware.” Rainbow says a bit snarky. “But I’m sick of solid food right now.” She explains before sipping from the shake.

Twilight just nods, turning back to her book as to not make Dash feel like she’s being watched.

She’s in for a surprise when, shortly after, colourful strands of hair obstruct her visual field. “Yah-!”

“What’cha reading?” Dash asks curiously, and when she tries to get a better look, Twilight slams the book shut and levitates it out of reach. Dash glares at her. “Twilight.”

“Sorry, but I think it’s for the best if you didn’t read it.” The alicorn informs her apologetically. The last thing they all need is for Dash to get even worse ideas right now.

The pegasus frowns, but doesn’t press further. She makes no attempts to fly up and grab the book for herself, which feels very unlike her usually brash friend.

In fact, she’s hardly moving at all. The same way she’d been weeks ago, before she was able to fly again.

“You okay?” Twilight asks, eyeing the pegasus.

“Fine.”

Twilight raises an eyebrow in question.

Rainbow rolls her eyes and turns away, taking a seat at the table and pulling the blanket tighter around her shoulders. “I’m just sore.” She remarks, taking another sip. “You know? That thing that happens after you’re working out?” She asks mockingly.

Twilight realises instantly that this is another sore point, apparently. “Yes, exactly — a perfectly normal response to working muscles for a prolonged time.” She says pointedly, hoping that the reminder will help Dash see that it’s not a sign that she’s weak, just because she’s aching after probably pushing herself a lot during training.

They are still working on building up on Dash’s strength, so it’s not surprising that she’d be feeling it right now.

Twilight doubts that Dash would accept any remedies for sore muscles, though.

Unfortunately, Rainbow pointedly ignores her and just continues to slowly drink down her shake in small sips. Twilight would have assumed that she would be back to greedily guzzling whatever she could get her hooves on.

“…are you sure that everything is okay?” She asks hesitantly, the words from the book still floating around in her head.

Rainbow sighs heavily, and suddenly hunches her shoulders. “My stomach hurts.” She finally admits.

“In what way?” Twilight inquires softly.

“I made some tea earlier, I can pour you a cup if you want. It’s chamomile.” Spike offers cheerily. “It calms nerves and tummy aches.” He gives his own belly a pat. Twilight often made him chamomile teas when they had been younger, and little Spike had too much of an appetite than his tummy could handle.

Rainbow snorts. “Nah, I don’t do tea. That’s too lame for me.”

“Like reading Daring Do was once 'too lame' for you?” Twilight challenges with a grin.

“Okay, that’s totally different-”

“Relax, I’m just messing with you.” Twilight reassures. “Why does your stomach hurt? Is it just from eating so much today?”

Dash is once again looking anywhere but at the alicorn, debating whether she should tell her or not. It’s not an easy topic for her to broach, and to be honest, she has never really told any pony about it.

“It happens pretty much every time…” She eventually says. She finally makes eye contact with Twilight and sighs. “I get nervous. When I have to fly at big, important shows or events, I mean.”

Like flipping a switch, Twilight remembers, many years ago... “the Best Young Flier’s Competition.”

Dash nods, averting her eyes again.

“But.. I thought you got over that stage fright?” Twilight can’t help but ask. “We all did.”

“I don’t have stage fright!” She exclaims. “I have… performance anxiety.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?” Twilight asks dumbfounded.

“Fluttershy has stage fright. …And a lot of anxiety in social situations. The point is, she’s afraid of crowds staring at her. I’m afraid of failing, and making a fool of myself.” Dash explains, and Twilight could see her different meanings, even though 'stage fright' and 'performance anxiety' are synonyms for the same thing.

Then again, of course a pony like Rainbow Dash could never accept having something with the word 'fright' in its name.

Dash continues. “I can practice all I want and get it perfect a hundred times, but the moment I have to perform — the moment it matters — I’m so terrified of messing up, I can’t concentrate and my stomach hurts.” She closes her eyes, not wanting to witness the moment when her friend loses all respect for her. “The only thing that helps, is when I don’t eat before performing. I can focus better and I feel lighter, and my stomach doesn’t hurt, then.”

Twilight swallows thickly, a horrible realisation dawning on her. “How long has this been going on? How many times have you stopped eating in the past?” She asks, feeling faint.

Rainbow throws her a confused look. “I didn’t 'stop eating', I just don’t eat in the morning of those days anymore.”

“You were restricting.” Twilight corrects. “How long?” She asks again, more urgently this time.

Dash shrugs. “I don’t know, since flight school?”

Twilight stares, distraught, at her friend.

“Twi, it’s not a big deal.”

The alicorn shakes her head. “And besides your 'performance anxiety', did you ever 'just skip a meal' here or there?”

“Well.. yeah. Between weather duty and training my skills, and saving Equestria a bunch of times with you guys,…” she jokes. “Or that time I was in the hospital with a broken wing, although.. can you really expect me to eat that stuff they serve? I mean, I’m not even sure if half of that stuff was made for pony consumption-”

Twilight is very much not amused.

Rainbow rolls her eyes. “Oh come on, Twilight! You can’t tell me you never skipped a meal with all your studying.”

The alicorn makes to argue, but then starts recalling a time, and another, and five other times, and then some, when she was simply too busy with her books and taking notes and practicing spells, that she couldn’t spare a minute to eat or even sleep.

She hadn’t had time for friends. And these little things like eating and sleeping had quickly stopped being a priority as well.

With her heart sinking, Twilight realises that she, too, has pushed away the importance of taking care of herself properly, in favour of her obsession with knowledge and being the top student.

If Celestia hadn’t sent her off to Ponyville,… she doesn’t want to entertain the thought of where she’d been heading, where she might be today, if the ruler hadn’t intervened when she did.

“You’re right…” Twilight says in a barely audible, soft tone. She sinks down to her haunches, staring into the void in her horror.

Spike shares a deeply concerned look with Rainbow, before trying to comfort his big sister, but she doesn’t seem to notice that he’s even there.

Rainbow abandons her shake, which was still hardly touched, and wraps her blanket around Twilight, watching her friend in worry.

“Are.. you okay?” She asks.

“She’s freaking out about something.” Spike says knowingly.

“I am not 'freaking out'.” Twilight mutters, slowly coming back to herself. “I just don’t want to imagine what could have become of me, if Celestia hadn’t sent me to Ponyville.”

Spike grimaces when he remembers what she had been like, back in Canterlot. He fetches her cup of tea, which she gratefully accepts with her magic.

After downing the rest of her cup, she explains, “I haven’t even considered how close I could have come to developing an eating disorder, if I never met all of you.”

“Uhm… What are you talking about?” Rainbow asks, not understanding what she is getting at.

“Before Celestia sent me here, I spent all my time in the tower or the library. I didn’t have time to spare for my Canterlot friends, and my studies were more important to me than taking breaks to eat or sleep.” Twilight elaborates. “I guess you could say I was a little bit obsessed by my perfectionism.”

“A little?!” Spike exclaims. “I was worried sick for you!” He turns to Dash. “She once stayed awake for THREE DAYS, barely ate enough to feed a newborn foal, and any time I interrupted her, and tried to make her see reason, she yelled at me to leave her alone!” He squeezes his eyes shut when he feels tears welling up.

Twilight gives him a sad and apologetic look. “Was I really that bad..?”

He nods stiffly, and suddenly breaks down with a sob.

The girls coo and wrap him in a hug from both sides.

“Oh Spike… I’m so sorry I put you through that and treated you so badly.” The Princess of Friendship apologises wholeheartedly.

“I’m still confused.. what does that have to do with developing….” Rainbow trails off, pulling away.

Twilight briefly tightens her hug before releasing the dragon as well. “It’s typically a gradual process; you don’t usually go to sleep all fine and wake up the next morning and just decide to starve yourself.
It’s more of an insidious process. You don’t know what’s happening until you’re deep in it. In our case, it starts with sporadic restriction — skipping a meal here and there, either because something else is more important in that moment, or because emotions suppress the appetite,… or to cope with negative emotions and stress, like when you said you won’t eat until after your performance.”

Rainbow stares at her dumbfounded for a long moment. “So…” She shakes her head. “Sometimes.. I make it into.. a game, sort of. You know, just.. seeing how long I could keep going before I absolutely have to eat something.” She admits. “Not often, just… sometimes when I was busy, training, and I just didn’t want to stop.”

Twilight makes to say something, but Spike suddenly glares furiously at Rainbow. “A game?! You think that playing with your health- your life is a game?!” He groans in frustration. “How do you even get such an idea?!”

“Spike-” Twilight starts, only for him to turn his anger on her, next.

“Did you ever think about what would have happened to me, what it would have done to me, if you had- if you-” he couldn’t bring himself to say it. He pushes away Twilight’s attempt to console him, and storms off to his own room, slamming the door behind him.

The two ponies hang their heads in a mix of shame and guilt, which they hadn’t even known existed.

Chapter 23

Spike refused to leave his room to join them for dinner, so Twilight just left him a tray by the door. He was obviously still upset with the girls, and she would respect his wishes for some privacy, although she told him again that she is sorry for hurting him like this, and that she never meant to hurt him this way.

“Spike still mad?” Rainbow asks guiltily.

“He’ll come around.. He’s just upset right now, not that I blame him…”

“It’s not your fault that we’re both obsessive, perfectionistic nutjobs.” Dash jokes, more or less just trying to deflect attention away from the dinner plates in front of them.
Twilight playfully rolls her eyes at her.
Dash continues. “Besides.. I think we both had an eye-opening moment, how our thoughtless actions are hurting others.”

Twilight sighs. “I couldn’t agree more…”

The air still felt thick with tension, and none of the castle’s occupants really had any appetite.

Rainbow never finished her shake from earlier, and for once, it seemed that Twilight was struggling to eat just like her, only that Twilight’s thoughts revolve around guilt and going through what-if’s, and Rainbow’s are about many concerns regarding how unbelievably much she’s already eaten, her own shape, and her skills, (and she’s quite frankly sick of food after today).

Twilight finds herself unable to so much as think about falling asleep. She had too much on her mind, too many what-if’s, and a lack of a certain dragon by her side to calm her worries, means that she couldn’t even focus on reading something to distract herself.

Before she knew it, it was already past 3am, and she startles half to death when there’s a sudden THONK! down the hall. When she runs out to check with a candle, she discovers Rainbow lying on the floor, a painting next to her, having been knocked down from the crystal walls.

“You alright?” Twilight asks, levitating the painting back on its spot.

Dash rubs her head, sitting up. “Ugh. Note to self: don’t fly in the castle at night.”

“Didn’t pegasi see pretty well in the dark?” Twilight asks. She’d read about that in the Science of Pegasi Magic books.

“They do, if they can keep their eyes open for more than a few seconds.” Rainbow complains. “And besides that: the walls reflect light, so it’s like looking directly into the sun for me.” As if to prove her point, she’s shielding her squinting eyes with a foreleg, from the crystal walls.

Twilight blinks. “Really?” She asks in disbelief, but is quick to blow out the flame of her candle.

“Really.” Dash confirms, and when it was finally darker, the only light source now coming from Twilight’s magical aura, opened her eyes fully. “Thanks.”

“So, let me guess… You’re up because the hunger is back?” Twilight asks nonjudgmentally.

“And you because you can’t stop thinking.” Rainbow says knowingly, neither denying nor confirming what Twilight concluded.

There’s a silent pause, before both ponies say in near perfect unison:
“You caught me.”

They burst into fits of giggles, despite the heaviness of their situations, in the dark of night.

“Want me to come with you?” Twilight asks.

“Nah.. I think I still know the way.” Dash jokes, as if finding the right directions was their biggest problem.

As she passes the alicorn, Twilight halts her with a hoof touching her side. “Come get me, if you need me. I’ll be here.” She tells her in a gentle no-nonsense manner, seeing right through the facade. It was as if she could feel Dash’s rising anxiety vibrating through the air. As if it was turning into its own, graspable entity.

For a moment, she wants to tell Rainbow that she’ll just join her, even if she doesn’t want company, but the pegasus beat her to it.

“I will.” She says, genuinely. “Try to get some sleep.” She tells the alicorn before disappearing down the hall, into the kitchen.

Twilight sighs softly, but figures that she would just go back into her study, like she said where she would be, but she had no hopes for concentrating on anything, much less sleep.

The cyan pegasus is annoyed at the fact that she couldn’t even sleep, all because she felt so hungry that it was downright painful now.

Neither of them had eaten much at dinner, although Rainbow had willingly eaten a final snack before bed, hoping in vain that it would allow her to go a few hours without starving.

How odd, the way she’d not felt hungry when she had been actively starving herself, and now that she’s eating regularly, she truly feels like she will starve. The hunger wasn’t just in her stomach and mind, it was in her cells.
Desperate, unrelenting, and insatiable.

To Rainbow Dash, it felt downright torturous.

She was feeling the full effects, now. Horrible dizziness, and not just when she’s getting up. She was getting a headache (before she bumped into the wall) and near constantly seeing black spots. She feels weak and lightheaded and her stomach hurts so bad she can barely stand up straight.

She tried to stick with pre-packed meals, which were prepared according to her meal plans and should fill her up nicely… in theory, anyways.
Twilight created them through careful calculations and diagrams that Rainbow couldn’t make heads or tails of, and when she grabs a third container because she still felt like she hadn’t eaten a single crumb for weeks, even after an hour of near constant eating, she mentally tells herself to stop, please stop, this is way too much, please just stop, stop, STOP..!

Unfortunately, no amount of begging could stop it from happening. She was at complete mercy of her starved body taking full control. It was fighting back in the only way it could, which unfortunately came at the expense of her sanity.

She is so indescribably disgusted with herself that she just wants to scream and lock herself in an empty, food-less room for the rest of her life, because food has ruined everything for her.

She completely breaks down when a particular thought crosses her mind, which quickly turns into a mental breakdown.

You’ll never fit into your suit today. Just look at how much you ate! And long before it’s even time for breakfast, at that! So much for ‘getting back into shape'! The Wonderbolts should just kick you out already, before you embarrass yourself and drag their name through the mud-!

Twilight remains on high alert, subconsciously listening to the sounds coming from the kitchen, counting the pauses between cupboards and fridge door opening. But most importantly, she was listening for any signs of distress.

The alicorn has long since managed to dissect and digest the worries and what-if’s regarding her own self, and she’s making peace with, and accepting, that yes, she had messed up, but she had also improved a lot over the years.

Her ears pick up a noise, sounding suspiciously like a muffled sob. She climbs to her feet, waiting for another noise to confirm her suspicions, and wastes no time rushing to the kitchen when she hears a panicked breathing that’s picking up speed.

She is minutely shocked at all the empty containers, but those are not her main concern right now.

Rainbow has backed away from what’s left of her last portion, pressing herself against the wall in a futile attempt to put more distance between herself and the food. When she sees Twilight coming to her, she just completely breaks down, dissolving into heart wrenching sobs in-between gasping breaths.

“It’s alright.” Twilight promises her, keeping her distance as not to make her feel trapped and suffocating. “You haven’t done anything wrong. This is just a temporary, normal part of getting better.” She says the facts in a soothing voice.

Her breathing slows down enough for Rainbow to say something, voice all hoarse and scratchy. “I want it to stop. *gasp* I want all of this to *gasp* go *gasp* away.”

“It will stop. Just.. please, hang in there. I promise it will stop.” Twilight repeats, and finally takes a few steps closer to her distraught friend.

If it weren’t for the fact that she has to train with the Wonderbolts, Rainbow would gladly ask Twilight to make her sleep through the worst of it.

But
A) it wouldn’t actually solve anything, unless she was fed through a feeding tube while she sleeps, which is absolutely unthinkable

And
B) she can’t have Spitfire and the other Wonderbolts know what’s really afflicting her, because they are sure to kick her out if they knew.

Now more than ever, she feels the impossible need to prove her worth to the team. And for that to be even remotely possible, she needs a plan.

And she has an idea. An idea that would undoubtedly impress every pony involved.
But an idea that is not only sure to fail in her current state and weakened wing-power, but could also lead to her severely injuring herself, but she feels the need to at least try… The very thing that makes her special and unique:

The Sonic Rainboom.

Chapter 24

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 25

Rainbow watches the sunrise with mixed feelings. Today is the last day of training before the show tomorrow. The very idea of having to perform tomorrow, having to get everything absolutely perfect, is already making her stomach hurt.

She’s stuck between a rock and a hard place again, when it comes to food. On the one hand, she knows perfectly well that she will need all the energy she can get, while on the other hand she feels like she absolutely does not deserve to eat anything, and is likely going to be physically sick if she tried to eat anything.

The devil in her mind tells her that this is her punishment for disappointing everyone all the time. All you deserve is to be in pain. All you deserve is to starve, until you no longer exist. Until you are no longer a burden to everyone.

There’s a knock on the door, and she instinctively glances over to the still full glass of water on her nightstand. She hasn’t dared to drink any more, initially for fear of getting sick again, and she still couldn’t bring herself to drink it.

“Rainbow? Are you up?” Twilight asks before opening the door. “Morning.” She greets when she sees her up and about.

The pegasus steps away from the window. “Morning.” She mumbles.

Twilight notices the glass and frowns. “Did you not drink anything all night?” She asks her with newfound worry.

“Of course I did. I Just refilled it, earlier.” The lie comes easily to her, like on autopilot.

Twilight raises a suspicious eyebrow. She could have sworn she hadn’t heard her leave her room, but she decides to let it slide. “Come, you need to have breakfast.”

Of course. Why else would Twilight be coming to her, if it wasn’t to stuff her with food?

Food that she doesn’t deserve. Food that will only make her fat all over again and weigh her down.

“No thanks.” She replies sternly, turning her back and looking outside through the window again, willing the sun to rise faster so that she had an excuse to leave.

That makes the alicorn step closer to her. “Rainbow, don’t fight me on this. You have to eat and take the pills-”

“Haven’t I eaten enough already?! In case you somehow forgot: all I did for the last few days, is eat!” Dash snaps, flaring her wings in anger. “And why do I still have to take those pills, huh?! Didn’t Celestia say that I only had to take them until I ate normally again?!”

Taken aback by the outburst, Twilight tries to figure out why Rainbow is suddenly so defensive and fighting her on this. She’d been doing so well…

She looks back over to the practically untouched water glass in thought, remembering..

Refusal to consume liquids

One of the warning signs-

Twilight realises a moment too late that Rainbow is no longer in the room with her, and when she looks up through the open window, she can barely make out the silhouette of her, very quickly flying away, friend in the far distance.

“Shoot!” She curses. “No, no, no…”

She runs through the castle, levitating saddle bags, food, the pills, and medical supplies to herself as she runs. But when she opens the front door, she finds Scootaloo standing in front of her.

“Twilight-”

“Not right now!” The alicorn says hastily and makes to push past her.

“Rainbow Dash told me to talk to you!” The filly exclaims, and Twilight stills at once.

“She did what?” She asks in disbelief.

Scoots takes a deep breath. “Yesterday, I found Rainbow’s parents by accident, and when we were talking, it turned out that Rainbow never told her parents that she’s a Wonderbolt, so I told them all about it, and then we all went to watch her train and cheered her on, but she wasn’t happy about that, and she told me that I should have warned her and talked to you before bringing her parents.” She rambles, then gasps for air.

“Her parents?” Twilight asks, wondering if this is the reason for Dash’s sudden change for the worse.

Scoots nods. “They were thrilled, of course. But… something weird happened. We wanted to surprise her when she was done with training, and she ended up yelling at her parents, like, really awful. I got mad at her for treating them like that, but now I actually thought about what she said…”

Twilight nods encouragingly for her to go on.

“She said that her parents are 'too supportive' and that she is tired of them being proud of her for… insignificant things.” She says, obviously just as confused by the statement.

The alicorn raises a confused eyebrow.

“Her words.” The filly shrugs. “I can sorta understand what she meant, though.. I mean, they were chanting that she’s the best at hanging up her towel.” She explains with a giggle, before sobering up. “But that was still uncalled for. Shouldn’t she know that you don’t treat your friends — or family — like that?” She asks seriously, but looks concerned, because she has never seen Rainbow Dash act like that before.

Twilight sighs. “Rainbow is under a lot of stress right now.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Scootaloo replies with an eye roll.

“I mean more than just from.. being a Wonderbolt, and training for shows.” Twilight starts carefully. “It’s… there’s more than meets the eye. She just has a lot going on, and if she didn’t tell her parents about being a Wonderbolt, then I’m pretty sure she had a reason for it.”

Scoot’s face falls. “She did say that there is a reason… I just wasn’t listening.”

Twilight bites her lip. At least now she has a clue on what is going on, or at least she hopes so. “Look.. I’m about to go and talk to her. You did the right thing in telling me about this.”

“I don’t suppose you’d take me with you?” The filly asks shyly.

“I think it’s better if I talk to her one on one.” Twilight tells her apologetically. “At least for now.”

“Yeah… I get it.” The filly says sadly. “Can you give her a message, at least?”

“Of course.” The alicorn smiles.

“Tell her that her parents, Sweetie Belle, Applebloom and I, will be at the show tomorrow, to cheer her on.” She explains with a proud smile.

“I’m sure that she’ll be happy to know that, and to have you all there.” Twilight tells her sincerely, then finally takes off.

Spitfire watches their newest member thoughtfully. It was blatantly obvious that she wasn’t doing well. She’s unfocused, at times mixing up different parts of the choreography, and doesn’t seem to have her usual speed and energy. And yet, she’s adamantly refusing to take any breaks.

“Crash, come on, take five.” She commands when Dash continues to hover over their heads, forelegs crossed in front of her chest with a scowl on her face as she waits impatiently for the team to stop being lazy.

“The show is tomorrow! We don’t have time for breaks!” She snaps.

“Yeah we do.” The leader replies sternly. “You can’t give 100% for hours on end, without any breaks. Now come down here and relax your muscles for a few minutes.”

Instead of doing what she’s told, the words only fuel her anger. “Fine! If you guys don’t actually care about this, then I’ll just fly alone!” She declares and proceeds to go through the routines again, by herself.

The other team mates watch her with confusion and disbelief.

Soarin locks eyes with Spitfire. “I’m getting really worried about her.”

“I think something’s bothering her.” Spitfire tells him thoughtfully.

“Well, let’s hope that she’ll get over it — whatever it is — soon. Before she hurts herself, or one of us.” Fleetfoot adds.

The others nod.

“Hey, look! Were we expecting more unexpected visitors?” Soarin asks jokingly, pointing to Twilight. The alicorn lands, out of breath from flying so fast and carrying so many things.

“I’m beginning to get a sense of deja vu, Princess.” Spitfire says in greeting. “Let me guess, you’re here because you know what’s going on with her?” She asks, pointing upwards to where Dash is now flying multiple Loopings and ends up crashing into a cloud when she seems to lose control. They all wince.

“More or less..” Twilight replies. “Scootaloo told me Dash’s parents were here yesterday?”

Spitfire chuckles. “Oh, yeah. Turns out she’s got her own personal cheering squad.”

Fleetfoot joins them. “About really weird things too, though. I was in the locker room when they were cheering about her hanging up her towel. Like, who does that?”

Twilight remembers Scootaloo telling her something about a towel, as well. That sure sounds like a strange thing to do, considering that that should definitely not be a priority of things to cheer for, especially considering where they are.

It makes her wonder if this is somehow connected to Rainbow’s fear of failure and extreme (even worse than Twilight’s own) perfectionism. Strange as it sounds to develop such fears and obsessions when apparently everything you do is celebrated.

But… If her parents were always celebrating every little thing she does, no matter how insignificant, how is she supposed to feel any differently about big accomplishments like becoming a Wonderbolt? Or saving Equestria?

Her thoughts are interrupted when Dash finally lands, a bit more harshly than intended, pushing her goggles up against her messy fringe, and has a noticeably hard time catching her breath. “Twilight..? What.. are.. you….” She trails off, holding a hoof to her chest with a wince at her painfully pounding heart.

“Get her some water!” Spitfire barks at her team mates.

Twilight comes to Dash’s side, but is pushed away when she tries to touch her. “Rainbow, stop pushing me away.” She scolds in a low tone. “I’m only trying to help.”

“I do not need any 'help'.” Dash snaps, throwing the alicorn a deep glare.

Spitfire guides Dash’s head so that she’s making full eye contact. “We all need help, sometimes. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Being able to accept help is what makes you stronger, not struggling on your own until you can’t go on anymore.” She tells her seriously.

Soarin brings her a water bottle, but Dash rejects it.

“Don’t be a fool, you need to re-hydrate.” Spitfire scolds.

Twilight is getting seriously worried now. “Can I speak to her in private for a moment?” She asks the leader.

“Sure. Maybe you can talk some sense into her.” Spitfire replies with a half hearted shrug. She’s honestly debating on removing Rainbow Dash from the show tomorrow if she keeps this up, for her own good.

The last thing they need right now is for Dash to be in a full body, wing and hoof cast, drinking through a straw.

They couldn’t risk losing the best flier they ever had, and especially not so soon after finally having the spot for her, if she ends up injuring herself from this. Or worse.

Twilight hopes that she can get through to her, too. She picks up the water bottle and her friend in her magical aura and levitates them with her into the locker room — since that was the only building she knew, so far.

“Will you tell me what’s going on, or do you want to keep pushing everyone away and kill yourself in the process?” The alicorn asks her seriously.

As expected, the pegasus glares at her for that last part. “I’m not killing myself. I’m only trying to get everything perfect for tomorrow, and I don’t have time for this!” She gestures angrily around herself.

Twilight takes a deep breath to calm herself. “Okay. You’re not thinking clearly right now, which is to be expected. Rainbow, if you keep this up with not eating or drinking, and pushing yourself like this, you’ll be dead by next week.” Harsh words, considering that it’s Saturday morning. “Either from passing out high up in the sky with no one there to catch you in time, or from your organs failing and shutting down.”

She lets the words sink in, and Rainbow eventually looks up at her with utter helplessness and desperation in her eyes.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” She admits, squeezing her eyes shut and turning her head away. “No matter what I do, I just keep failing, I’m always failing..!”

“You aren’t failing anything.” Twilight tells her softly. “Recovery is neither easy, nor linear.”

“Yes, I am!” Rainbow sobs, laying down on the floor. “If I eat, I fail. If I don’t eat, I fail. If I train, I fail. If I rest, I fail. I always fail, and fail, and fail!” She cries until her voice gives out.

The more upset she gets, the worse her stomach seems to hurt, until she’s audibly groaning in pain and curling in on herself.

Twilight wonders if she should just take Rainbow to a medic pony, if she couldn’t get her to eat, or at the very least drink something, soon.

“I heard what you guys were saying,… about my parents yesterday.” Rainbow suddenly says, still keeping her eyes away from Twilight.

“Are they the reason you’re refusing to eat and drink?” The alicorn asks softly.

“Don’t blame them. It’s not their fault. I shouldn’t have yelled at them like that.” She sighs. “My parents and Scoot have every right to hate me after what I did.” She rests her head on her forelegs. “I don’t exactly like myself much anymore, either...”

“Rainbow…” Twilight shakes her head in disbelief. “Scootaloo asked me to tell you that she and her friends, and your parents, will be there tomorrow, to cheer you on.”

Rainbow immediately snaps her head to look at her friend in hopeful disbelief.

“Just like all of us are going to be there. Nobody is mad at you, and no pony hates you.” Twilight continues. She holds out the water bottle to her. “Please… we all just want you to be okay, and to be able to enjoy yourself tomorrow — the way you deserve to.”

Dash feels like she has barely any strength left when she sits back up, and immediately goes blind from the change in posture — the way it’s been happening so often that she’s become used to it. The same way her heart keeps pounding away in her chest, which is starting to worry her.

Twilight watches her trying to blink away the black spots, fearing that Rainbow is about to lose consciousness.

The pegasus stubbornly stays lucid and finally accepts the water, starting with the tiniest sip possible as her stomach keeps clenching painfully.

For the first time, she wonders how she’s ever supposed to perform tomorrow, much less pull off a Sonic Rainboom. If she wants to have a single chance at getting through it without a disaster, she has to eat. And she knows this, but it doesn’t make the very thought of ingesting anything any easier. It just puts even more pressure on her already fried nerves.

As Twilight watches her friend take some deep breaths to combat what she assumes is nausea and some other nasty symptoms, she could count a handful of ribs peeking through the fabric of the blue and yellow suit. She gulps down the worried remark about her weight, since that will only add fuel to the fire.

She clears her throat and carefully picks her words. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but your metabolism is way too fast right now. Dangerously so.” She waits a moment to make sure that Rainbow is listening to her, and not about to fight her on this topic. “You can’t tell me you’re feeling great right now.” She adds sympathetically, and considers it a win when Rainbow, with her head turned away and eyes downcast, shakes her head.

Truth be told, she’s feeling absolutely terrible. The tiny amounts she’d drunk since yesterday haven’t lubricated her mouth and throat in so long that she’s dehydrated, which is giving her a constantly pounding headache, she doesn’t dare swallow with her painfully dry throat, and she could swear her tongue was getting cracks and bleeding.

She’s still sore all over and horribly tired, but her brain won’t let her rest. She has to keep practicing. Every second that she isn’t flying, is a wasted second, weighing heavily on her shoulders.

You’re still not good enough. The voice will say.
If she can’t keep going, she’s too weak. If she gives in to the hunger, she’ll only get too fat to fly.
If she can’t pull off the Sonic Rainboom tomorrow, she may as well not even be a Wonderbolt.
She couldn’t win. She knows that this is going to lead nowhere except for her own destruction, but for whatever reason, she couldn’t fight it anymore. The voice is so strong and demanding that Rainbow feels herself blindly following every order, no matter how much she’s suffering because of it.

Even now, it’s difficult to fully focus on this very important conversation that they’re having, because the illness is making her antsy to leave and get back to practicing.

The disorder has taken full control over her, and she is at full mercy to its destruction.

And it’s a terrifying realisation.

She finally turns back to Twilight, voice a high pitch and cracking painfully as she begs her to “please, help me..!”

Chapter 26

“Let me talk to Spitfire.” Twilight suggests. “I’m sure she’ll understand that they’ll have to fly without you-”
“NO!”
“-tomorrow… Rainbow, you can’t-”
“I can! I will!” Rainbow argues. “I have to do this!”

Twilight throws her a stern look. “No, you don’t. I’ve told you before: you have nothing to prove. Everyone here knows how skilled you are.”

“What about everyone who’s coming to watch the show? They’ll be so disappointed…”

Twilight is admittedly dumbfounded. “We’re your friends, we understand. None of us would be disappointed in you for putting yourself first. Besides, there’s always the next show.”

Dash sighs, shaking her head. “No. I can do this.” She insists, the same way she once proclaimed that ‘if she’s going down, she’s going down flying’.

Unfortunately, Twilight knows this stubborn side of her friend all too well. The chances of changing her mind are minus a hundred. “Fine, on one condition.” She relents, levitating the pill container out of one of her saddle bags, and takes out two of the pills. “Take these, with water.”

Rainbow immediately backtracks. “Two?!”

“Need I remind you that your metabolism is dangerously fast? If you want to fly tomorrow, then we cannot risk your Pegasus Magic to run out again.” Twilight lectures.

Dash’s eyes widen, she hadn’t even considered that that could happen again. “But- haven’t I eaten more than enough lately, so that doesn’t happen?”

“I don’t know. That’s just it, we can’t know anything for certain, so if you really believe that you have to do this, then we need to at least minimise the risks.”

Rainbow seems to think it over for a moment, then swallows the pills, forcing herself to drink quite a bit of water.

Right as Twilight makes to speak again, the door opens and Spitfire looks inside. “There you are. Rainbow Dash, we’ve decided to end the training early today. We all need to be well rested for tomorrow morning.”

Rainbow chokes on the water in her shock. “W-what?!”
The other ‘Bolts come inside and start to get changed, paying them no mind.

Spitfire sighs at her renewed panic. “Dash, you could fly the show in your sleep, blindfolded. Go home, and rest. You’ll do fine.” She tells her in a no-nonsense manner, then joins the others in undressing.

Rainbow still seems unhappy with the sudden change of plans, and unsure about her own skills. When she finally looks back to the lavender alicorn, she finds a sad smile directed at herself. “Guess I better get ready.” With a sigh, she gets to her hooves, keeping her legs far apart to help keep her balance as her vision goes black once again. When she could see again, she informs Twilight, “I’ll meet you outside,” before opening her locker.

Twilight waits nervously in front of the building. Most of the other Wonderbolts have already left, manes and tails still wet from the shower.

She’s beginning to worry that Rainbow might have passed out, but figures that someone would have come outside to get help if that were the case.

When Spitfire exits the building, she couldn’t help herself. “Is she okay?”

The leader looks confused for a moment, before chuckling. “Yeah, she just can’t get enough of her reflection again. Maybe I ought to take down that mirror.” She says jokingly, before walking off.

Twilight sighs, relieved to know that at least nothing worse is going on. She decides to go back in and talk to Dash again. If she’s stuck in front of a mirror again, it usually means that she’s not happy by what she’s seeing — or rather, what her brain concocts.

She finds that all the other members have gone, leaving Rainbow to herself. As expected she finds the pegasus, still dripping wet, watching her own reflection with a dissatisfied frown on her face.

She doesn’t react when Twilight appears next to her in the mirror. The alicorn seeks out a dry towel and levitates one over.
“Maybe dry off, first.” She suggests, figuring that the wet fur will only make the distortion worse.

“It’s weird.” Dash remarks, still not looking away from the mirror.

“What is?” Twilight asks when she doesn’t elaborate.

“When I was in my suit, I was thin. Without it, I’m not.” She changes her pose to stand sideways, so she could see her full side.

Twilight is momentarily confused by what she means, until she realises… “You mean… you could see yourself right, when you were covered up?”

Rainbow nods, folding her wings to her sides. The feathers are glistening even more than her coat in the light. “But I’m not covered now, and I think I see it right.”

“Well, you’re covered in water.” Twilight deadpans when Dash continues to drip water. “Maybe it’s the minor change in your appearance that’s making it so your brain can’t distort it. After all, you don’t see other ponies distorted, right? It’s quite fascinating.”

“And annoying.” Dash groans. She reflexively flaps her wings when the water between her feathers tickles her skin, resisting the urge to shake herself off. And for the first time in a long while, she could see glimpses of her ribs again. “How could I have lost weight? I’ve been eating more than.. Pinkie Pie, probably.”

Twilight can’t help but giggle despite herself. “Maybe not that much. Like I said, your body has entered a stage called hyper metabolism, it’s using everything you eat to repair itself and regain the strength you lost.”

Rainbow seems momentarily relieved, until a new worry forms in her head. “That ‘stage’ is only temporary though, right? It’s going to stop, and then what?” She’s beginning to shiver, so Twilight decides to just dry her off with the towel, using her magic.

“It’ll probably just get back to baseline?” Twilight guesses.

That’s not good enough. “What if it slows down so much that I’ll just gain weight for the rest of my life, and I’ll never be able to eat anything ever again without- Ouch-!”

Twilight had accidentally rubbed the towel against the base of her wing, rough-handling the lowest feathers, when she’d lost her focus for a moment. “Sorry!” She lays the towel around Dash’s neck, releasing it from her magical hold. “But I promise you that that won’t happen.”

“But what if it does?” Rainbow asks, not convinced. It seems like her body is doing its own thing, and since her mind and body aren’t exactly in agreement, she’s afraid that it will do even more things to ruin her.

“Rainbow, you need to learn to trust your body again.” Twilight tells her softly.

“Kinda hard to do, after it decided to ground me and moult for no reason.” The pegasus complains, throwing her reflection a glare. Then her eyes widen with a gasp when she sees herself growing impossibly wider again. She turns her back on the mirror with a deeply frustrated groan.

At this point, Twilight doesn’t have to ask her what’s wrong. Instead, she takes out one of the snacks she brought with her, as well as fetching the water bottle with her magic again.

Rainbow grimaces when she sees the items, knowing full well that they won’t be leaving until she ate something.

“I’m not letting you fly back to the castle unless you eat this.” The alicorn says firmly.

Dash sighs but relents, trying hard to block out the voice in her head, telling her that if she eats this now, she will perform pathetically tomorrow and become the laughingstock of Ponyville.

Twilight takes notice of her internal struggle, and keeps talking to her, giving her something else to listen to, and reminding her of what’s at stake. “Remember: if you lose your magic, you won’t be able to fly at all tomorrow. I understand that it’s difficult for you, but you are not alone in this. We are all here for you, no matter how much you try to push us away.”

They had to take an emergency break during the flight back, when Rainbow needed to lay down on a cloud for a few minutes. Twilight had offered to just push her the rest of the way with the cloud, but the pegasus was having none of that.

When they were finally in the castle again, Dash more or less fell asleep immediately, the extreme exhaustion finally winning.

While the pegasus is resting, Twilight told Spike to get the girls together. While she waits for the others to arrive, she finds herself looking at the memory crystals hanging from the roots of the Golden Oak Library, wondering how long there’d been signs that none of them had registered.

Many moments of witnessing Rainbow’s fragile confidence collapsing fill her head. Memories of her getting nervous before important events and declining all offerings of food. Little moments that none of them had paid any mind before.

She gets so lost in the past that she doesn’t register the girls coming inside until they greet her.

She flies down and they all take their respective seats.

“What’s going on, Twilight?”
“Everything okay, sugarcube?”
“You look worried… is something wrong?”
They all ask over each other.

“How is she?” Applejack asks the final question, the others nodding in agreement.

“Resting, finally.” Twilight sighs. She looks at her friends. “There’s been a relapse.”

Gasps and saddened exclamations fill the room.

“What happened?” Rarity asks.

“I think it’s my fault.” Twilight admits. “I’ve been so caught up with making sure she recovers physically, that I never made any plans to help her recover psychologically as well. And since we know that her brain processes things differently, I’m gonna need all the coping strategies to try.”

The others share a worried look.

“But… didn’t we figure out how her brain works because our own strategies didn’t work on her?” Applejack asks. “Why don’t we just use Dash’s own way?”

“Because the eating disorder is her coping strategy. And we need to replace it with something else.” Twilight clarifies. “It’s going to be a long and difficult process, but I’m sure we can find a way to help her.”

Rarity clears her throat. “Of course we’ll all help in any way we can, Twilight. But.. you said that she relapsed…. How bad is it?” She asks carefully.

Twilight grimaces. “She was refusing to take her pills and eat or drink.” The others gasp in shock. “I finally got through to her, earlier, but it definitely wasn’t easy for her.” She sighs. “I have no idea how she plans on getting through the show tomorrow. She almost passed out on our flight back here from the Wonderbolt Compound.”

Shocked and horrified expressions stare at her.

“She wants to perform?! And you’re going to let her?!” Rarity exclaims.

“That’s it. She’s lost her mind.” Applejack remarks, earning herself a glare from the others.

“She feels like a failure.” Twilight offers. “Nothing I said made any difference. She wants to do this show, and all we can do is show our support and make sure that she gets through it without hurting herself.”

“How can an awesome pony like Rainbow Dash feel like a failure? She’s worked soo hard and finally got what she always wanted!” Pinkie exclaims.

Twilight looks back up to the crystals hanging over their heads. “And sometimes, getting what we want isn’t what we need.”

The others share concerned looks.

“Are you suggesting that.. she shouldn’t have become a Wonderbolt?” Rarity asks hesitantly.

“What? No! But maybe, if some things had gone differently, we wouldn’t be sitting here, with Rainbow fighting for her life.”

The others look downwards, understanding what she means.

“They shouldn’t have put so much pressure on her, to learn the routine in only two days.” Fluttershy remarks.

The girls hum in agreement.

“And using her old measurements to save time is unprofessional and just plain rude.” Rarity tuts. She looks up at the crystals, smiling. “And I’m so glad we did this, instead of hanging up that portrait.”

Twilight frowns. “What portrait?”

“Oh, remember, the one we did after your coronation?” The fashionista asks.

Twilight blinks, drawing a blank for a moment. Then she remembers what Rarity meant. “Oh, that one. I found it in the closet room a while back.”

Rarity frowns. “So that’s where she put it. I wanted to at least have it displayed in your bedroom, so you’d have all of us with you, in a way, but I couldn’t find it anymore after Rainbow Dash took it away.”

A sudden realisation hits them all — except for Twilight, who obviously hadn’t been present while the others decorated her castle.

“She did what now?” The alicorn asks, watching her friend’s suddenly shocked and subdued faces.

Fluttershy gestures around the throne room. “We first messed up when we were tasked to decorate the castle, and Rainbow and Rarity were arguing about taking down their things, and in the end, Rainbow took away that portrait, saying…”

“We already know what we look like.” The girls say in unison, then share another concerned look.

“Do you girls think that.. she was already unhappy with how she looked? Back then?” The shy pegasus asks what they’re all wondering.

“And we didn’t notice.” Rarity says, disappointed in herself.

“Well, you’re not the only one missing the signs.” Twilight mutters, mostly to herself.

The others give her sad and sympathetic glances.

“All the more reason to brainstorm some coping strategies.” Applejack offers cheerfully.

By evening, Twilight has a long list of strategies that she can go through with Rainbow Dash.

“Okay, let’s start with something simple. What’s something you’re worried about right now, that doesn’t involve food or the show tomorrow?”

“I’m afraid of how my parents would react if they knew that I’m… sick.” Rainbow starts. The way she hadn’t needed to even think about it, tells Twilight that she’s been thinking about this a lot.

“I’m sure they would be supportive and want you to get better.” Twilight replies without thinking, and the word ‘supportive’ makes Dash’s eye twitch.

“That’s exactly the problem, Twilight. They are proud of everything I do, whether it’s good or bad.” She sighs when she remembers her parents giving her positive feedback on yelling at them. “The last thing I need is for them to say something.. like… I don’t know.. ‘good job on getting sick with the dumbest illness ever on the day you finally became a Wonderbolt’.” She says in a mockingly high pitched voice, but she’s so hoarse that it was difficult to keep her voice audible.

“Do you honestly expect them to-”

“Yes.” Rainbow throws her a dead serious stare. “Yes, I do. And what’s worse: every time when I think they couldn’t possibly come up with something dumber or worse to be proud of me for, they always manage to prove me wrong!” She barks a humourless laugh. “Best last place, best flight school dropout, best crasher, best bone breaker, best hospital staff terroriser.” She lists off, then adds sheepishly, “that last one never really changed.”

Twilight doesn’t know if she should laugh or cringe at the way Rainbow was raised. She knows that her own parents would never celebrate her failures like that. They would console her and maybe do something to cheer her up, tell her that there are other options or that it could have been worse, not celebrate something like dropping out of school and definitely not if she’s hurt herself. “So what you’re saying is.. your parents were praising you regardless of whether you did well, and even did something you shouldn’t?”

“Uh, yeah, basically.”

“So, completely hypothetically speaking here,.. if you got kicked out by the Wonderbolts, your parents would react the same way as they did when they learned that you’re a Wonderbolt?”

Rainbow cringes at the very idea of losing her spot, but she nods. “And if they knew that I’m sick, they would celebrate whether I got better or.. worse.”

And since this has been going on since pretty much Rainbow’s birth, how was she ever to learn when she’s doing something right? Something worth being praised for? When she can do everything right, and it’s never treated any differently to if she had done everything wrong.

“So, basically you end up always feeling like nothing you do is good enough, because all the praise you got growing up was like static, never anything special, and I’m guessing that it probably didn’t feel like it was meant for real, either. That it was all just faked smiles and empty words.” Twilight concludes, starting to pace in the room. “Eventually, you start to only care about your own sense of worth, but by that point, you have such high expectations of yourself that nothing is good enough- that you aren’t good enough, if you aren’t giving it everything and you think that you could have done better.”

Rainbow stares at her for a long moment. “Yeah,.. exactly. How did you know?”

No wonder she is always afraid of failing if she isn’t doing everything 100% perfect — according to her own, practically impossible standard of expectation.

Twilight ignores the question in favour of wondering how in Equestria she’s supposed to solve this problem.

Chapter 27

By evening, the stress levels were climbing dangerously high again — for Rainbow, because she’s torn about trying to pull off the Sonic Rainboom tomorrow, and for Twilight because Dash keeps pushing her food around rather than eat any of it.

Earlier, when she’d come to fetch the pegasus for dinner, she had found the room empty and the window open, finding the pony in question flying through the routines right outside the castle.

“Rainbow Dash!” She had bellowed, upset that she was still refusing to rest, and instead kept using up all her energy that her body was struggling to restore.

Immediately, as though it was simply part of the choreography, the Pegasus swooped inside after a series of corkscrews. She’s frustratingly winded, which to Twilight meant that either she’s been at this for a while, or she only started recently and is badly exhausted. Neither option is favourable to the other.

Before Dash could say anything to apologise or defend herself, Twilight snapped, “if you waste all your energy practicing a routine that you already know perfectly, you’ll be too tired at the show tomorrow, and probably mess up then.”

Rainbow winced at the thought. “I can’t help it. I have to make sure I still got it.” She defended when she got her breath back.

Twilight fought back an eye-roll. “Spitfire said it herself: you do! But — whether you realise it or not — you are just over-exercising at this point, and if you don’t allow yourself to recuperate, then…”

“I’ll mess up the show, make a complete fool of myself, get kicked out of the Wonderbolts, and sell hats for the rest of my life?” Dash deadpanned.

“Maybe not quite that dramatic.”

Rainbow sighed. “This is only my second time flying as a Wonderbolt. I just want to make sure I’ll get everything right… I’m sure I’ll feel more confident after a few shows. It just all feels… too new, right now. I guess I haven’t really accepted yet that I’m really a Wonderbolt now. …if that makes any sense.”

“I think I get it. When I first got these,” Twilight opened her wings, “it took me quite a while to get used to them. I often forgot I even had wings, at first. And the whole losing the Golden Oak Library, and moving into this castle-”

Rainbow frowned. “Can you even compare becoming a Princess, to becoming a Wonderbolt? I mean, you earned all of this by completing some ancient, powerful spell, plus saving Equestria multiple times. I just got the next open spot on an already established team.”

“You earned it just as much! You’ve trained for and dreamed of it your whole life!” Twilight tried to reason.

Rainbow stayed silent.

“Why do you keep saying you’d ‘sell hats’ instead, anyway?” Twilight couldn’t help but ask. She could remember the pegasus saying that before, back when they discovered Dash’s incredible ‘cataloging while flying’ abilities.

Dash shrugged. “Applejack once said that I’ll never make it as a Wonderbolt if I keep wasting time napping in her trees, and will just do something ‘normal’, like selling hats for the rest of my life.”

Twilight only stared at her.

Dash waved her off. “Relax, that was back when we were just becoming friends. She was upset that I didn’t offer to help her on the farm. Bucking apples from trees is not exactly my strong suit.” She said, gesturing to her wings and flapping them for emphasis.

Pegasi have different bone structures, so despite having a good amount of muscle mass and being an athlete, Dash struggles just as much as Fluttershy with such physical activities. It’s just downright painful on their hooves. They’re much better at simply picking the apples by hoof, up in the air — not that Applejack could have known that, back then.

Before they all became friends, she’d napped on any stray cloud, far away from other ponies. But when she had this new connection to the others, she just couldn’t stand being alone anymore.

And even if the others never noticed Dash napping somewhere close to them, and Applejack liked to complain about Rainbow being lazy, she still preferred to sleep somewhere close to her friends. Just having the background noises of AJ bucking her trees and maybe talking to Applebloom or Granny Smith, or simply hearing Twilight turning pages in a book that she’s absorbed in, was soothing in a way she’d never known.

It’s one of the reasons why she got so attached to Tank and couldn’t bear to be alone in her home again once winter hit. She’d ended up spending the majority of winter at Twilight’s castle, which is part of the reason why she’s with the alicorn again now. They’re just sort of.. used to living together, and gaining comfort in each other’s company.

“And yet, you’ve remembered that to this day.” Twilight muttered, regarding the not-so-nice comment from a certain farm pony.

Rainbow face-palmed. “Yeah, because I remember that joke every time I see her with that hat of hers. It’s not that deep, Twilight!”

The alicorn sighed. “Fine.” She slammed the window shut with her magic, with more force than necessary, startling Rainbow a little. “Come, it’s time for dinner.”

So now they’re sitting at the table, the sun beginning to set outside, and Twilight questions if they will ever truly get past this disorder as she watches Rainbow repeatedly making to eat, but then backing out again at the last second.

Spike is also watching the pegasus, throwing Twilight more and more concerned glances, unsure what to do.

Twilight had already known that it wouldn’t be easy to get Dash to eat anything so close to the show, but it’s even more important right now that she re-fuels. She mentally goes through the book and her own notes again, trying to find a strategy, but comes up empty for a long time.

Eventually, Spike couldn’t take it anymore. “Come on! It’s gonna grow cold by the time you even start!” He exclaims, not angrily but thoroughly scared to see his friend back to this.

“Spike!” Twilight hisses at him. “That’s not helpful! The book said-”

“I don’t care what your books say! She’s not some book in your library, Twilight!” He snaps, surprising everyone.

“I never said-”

“So treat her like a person! No amount of books and pages will get you guys anywhere, if you don’t start treating her like your friend, and not some textbook case you have to study for a test!”

“Well I’m sorry if me trying to be prepared is so-”

“STOOOP!!!” Rainbow suddenly shouts, hovering in the air above the table. “BOTH OF YOU!! The last thing I want is for my friends to start arguing, because of me.” She declares and flies off, only leaving a quickly vaporising rainbow trail behind.

Twilight buries her head in her crossed forelegs on the table.

“Sorry…” Spike apologises quietly.

The alicorn lifts her head just enough to look at him. “No. You’re right. I keep doing everything my books say, but we’re getting nowhere. But the problem is… I don’t know what else to do. Before Rainbow got sick, I never even knew that eating disorders existed…! Nothing was relevant to me unless it had to do with my spell studies.” She says softly.

They both look over at the untouched meal on the other side of the table.

“And now I’m pretty sure we just blew the smallest chance of her eating anything before the show.” She remarks with a heavy sigh. Then she gets up. “I better go and make sure she’s not practicing again.” She halts after a few steps, addressing her assistant. “Leave everything the way it is. Maybe I can get her to try again. I can always warm it up with a spell.”

Spike just nods guiltily as he watches her go.

Twilight curses when she enters the once again empty room, the window wide open. But when she flies out to investigate, she finds the pegasus lying curled up on a dark cloud in the purple-ish sky. Nothing new there.

She flies up to her. “Please come back inside. We didn’t mean to upset you.”
She’s ignored, so Twilight continues. “It’s just that I don’t really know how to help you. I thought that if I just stuck to everything my books said, that I was doing the best I could. I didn’t stop to think if there are things that you would prefer to be different.”

Rainbow finally looks at her. “What are you talking about?”

“Like, for example: my book said that enforcing structure is key to getting used to eating regularly. But I realised a while ago that forcing you to eat at a strictly set time-schedule wasn’t working and only put more pressure on you.
Maybe some of the to-do things in the list don’t work on every pony, but I never asked you if you felt like some of those things were making you worse.” Twilight explains.
“It’s like Spike said… I only focused on what my books said, without taking into consideration that you might not work by the same rules.”

“But.. you have helped, a lot.” Rainbow replies, confused.

Twilight gets the slightest smile at that. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“I just hate it when any of us argue. Especially if it’s because of me…” Rainbow mumbles, looking downwards.

Her smile now upside down, Twilight sighs softly. “I’m sorry. We’re just worried about you. About this whole situation.”

Dash squeezes her eyes shut. “I wish you didn’t have to. I wish this whole thing would just go away.”

Twilight makes to say something, but Dash beats her to it.

“I know that it’s probably not ever fully going to go away, but I just want to be able to focus on something else again.”

“What do you mean?” Twilight asks.

“Like… I can’t remember the last time I pranked any pony with Pinkie Pie, I just have no ideas for any new pranks. And I miss Tank, but I never even asked Fluttershy how he’s been doing. Or how any of our friends are doing, in general…” She lists off, wiping a tear away from her eye. “Everything’s just… sort of faded into the background.”

Twilight nods in understanding. “That’s because the disorder creates this kind of tunnel vision. As a coping mechanism, it takes away your other fears and negative feelings and thoughts, by overshadowing them with these obsessions with perfectionism and control.” She explains, then becomes subdued.
“But it also takes away the good things, it takes the joy out of everything and removes the importance of anything besides that same control and perfectionism.”

Rainbow considers that, and finds that that describes it perfectly. “And I hate it.” She remarks.

“See it this way: every time you fight the voice and eat, you’re choosing recovery over illness. It’s always a step toward beating it.” Twilight says, hoping to get her friend out of this hopeless funk.

Rainbow stays silent for a while, not looking anywhere near the alicorn. Twilight wonders if the voice is telling her something, then Dash suddenly asks, “how would you feel if, every single day, you have to decide again and again to fight something inside you that tells you that you’re a failure if you go against its commands, to ‘choose to recover’? When the only alternative feels more safe, but will kill you in the end.”

The Princess of Friendship is stumped. She is finally granted eye contact, but it’s more of a challenging glare, and at the same time, filled with the desperate need to be understood.

They remain in an awkward silence, neither really knowing what to say. Eventually, Twilight sighs and just joins her on the cloud, Dash sitting up and giving her enough space to not fall off. To her surprise, the alicorn wraps her into a hug with her large wing draped over the — once again chilled — pegasus.

“I may not be able to know what you’re going through, but I understand that it’s not easy. Rainbow, you don’t have to fight this alone. Even when it all feels hopeless, you still have all of us. We always find a way to get through whatever evil throws at us.”

“But that’s when we’re all fighting some evil king or…” she shakes her head with a groan, “you get the idea. How can we fight something that’s in here?” Dash asks, pointing to her head. “It’s not like we can just grab the elements and shoot rainbow lasers at me.” She pauses. “…we can’t, right?”

Twilight smiles ruefully with a playful eye-roll. Leave it to Rainbow Dash to think about shooting rainbow lasers when they’re talking about something so serious.

“Maybe not.” She replies, then her eyes go wide with a grin. “But you’ve given me an idea.” She goes airborne again, making to fly inside, then backtracks and comes to her side again, giving the pegasus a pointed look.

Rainbow rolls her eyes but flies with her back inside, and to her surprise, down the hall into the throne room rather than the kitchen, where Twilight starts looking at the memory crystals.

“Um, Twilight? What are we doing here?”

Twilight keeps searching for a moment longer, then remembers something. “Oh! You were flying when you guys hung this up, right?” She guesses.

“Well- yeah. Why?”

“Do you remember which of these has the memory of you winning that young fliers competition in Cloudsdale?” The alicorn asks excitedly.

Rainbow frowns, but comes to the right hand side. “I think it was a purple one somewhere here…” She looks at a few of the crystals, quickly finding the one in question. “Found it.” She announces, pointing at it.

Twilight takes it down with her magical aura, lands, and casts a spell that turns it into a full necklace with the crystal on the front. Then she places it around Rainbow’s neck.

The pegasus inspects it curiously, looking at the frozen, captured moment of herself wearing the winged, golden crown, surrounded by her friends. It had been one of the happiest moments of her life.

“You were so nervous and filled with doubt, making mistakes in your routine, but then you saved Rarity and the Wonderbolts and pulled off a Sonic Rainboom in the process. We were there to cheer you on, but you did all that by yourself.” Twilight explains with a smile. “I know you probably can’t wear it during the shows, but I thought you could use a little reminder that you’re far more capable than you give yourself credit for, right now.”

Rainbow slowly lowers herself to the floor, unable to grasp a thought. “I.. I don’t know what to say…” She says softly, lifting the gem with a hoof to look down at it, as if mesmerised. She looks up at Twilight, feeling tears welling up in her eyes again. “Thank you.”

Chapter 28 Author's Note

Sorry if it’s rushed, I have like zero concentration lately and just can’t seem to find the right words :facehoof:
Also please ignore that the summer sun celebration is in autumn, after the running of the leaves. I didn’t want to invent a new festival and couldn’t make it work otherwise, thanks.

Chapter 28

They had managed to end the day on a positive note. Well, positive considering how the rest of the day had went.
With the moonlight shining softly inside, the two ponies and dragon were sat together in the library, Twilight reading the first Daring Do book aloud while Dash and Spike snacked on shredded oats and little gemstones, respectively.

Rainbow couldn’t remember the last time she’d read a Daring Do book, she realised.

Between worrying about food, her own body image, her future, going through the moulting process… and despite everything, trying to act as normal as possible around others (and failing epically), she simply hadn’t thought about the book series, and probably wouldn’t be able to concentrate enough to actually read it, either.

But having the distraction of listening to the familiar story progressing and being surrounded by friends who understand, is making the awful voice in her head go quiet, pushed away into a dark corner of her mind. She finished her portion, and falls asleep soon after, curled up in a beanbag.

By next morning, the peace was once again long forgotten. When Twilight went to wake the pegasus up, she’d found Dash already wide awake, visibly trembling, flying back and forth nervously, mumbling things to herself that the alicorn couldn’t make out.

“Talk to me.” Twilight orders sternly. “You’re working yourself into a state.”

Rainbow hesitatingly lands next to her. “I can’t stop thinking. What if my parents don’t come after all?” She subconsciously starts flapping her wings again. “What if they do? What if I have to talk to them? I was so awful to them, they probably hate me and, and, I’m just not ready for this!” She’s flying higher and higher as she rambles. “And what if I mess up the show and ruin the festival for everypony? Maybe-”

She pauses long enough to realise that she’s about to hit the very tall ceiling, and Twilight is hovering below her, with a certain look that tells the pegasus that she’s about to cast a spell.

Rainbow sheepishly scratches the back of her head. “Okay… maaaybe I need to calm down… heh.” She remarks, and they both decent to the floor again. “…You don’t happen to have a spell that just, I don’t know, erases all worries or something?”

Twilight throws her a look that says ‘do you really think I wouldn’t have used such a spell a billion times on myself rather than freak out, if a spell like that existed?’. “No, but I have learned some techniques. Copy me.”

First, she does the conscious breathing technique that Cadence showed her, and Rainbow dutifully copies her, even if she feels silly.

“Now, repeat after me: Everything is going to turn out fine.” Twilight says confidently.

Rainbow rolls her eyes at such a tedious thing, but repeats it — with very little enthusiasm.

“Again.”

Dash sighs. “Everything is going to turn out fine.”

“And again.”

“Twilight.”

“Say it.” The alicorn challenges.

Rainbow groans in frustration, and becomes airborne once again. She just couldn’t stay still. “Everything is going to turn out fine. Everything is going to turn out fine.” She could suddenly feel her racing thoughts slowing to a halt, and with it, an internal tension was easing up. “Everything is going to turn out fine…” She repeats again, feeling a lot calmer, landing softly on the crystal floor. She turns around to a very smug looking alicorn. “I can’t believe that actually worked.”

“Neat, huh?” Twilight replies. “There’s this theory that repeating certain phrases can actually affect the way the brain processes-”

Rainbow interrupts her elated ramblings by throwing herself flat on the floor with a dramatic groan. “It’s too early for you to go all… egghead mode.” She complains.

Twilight pouts for a moment, but then smiles when she realises that Rainbow is finally behaving like herself again. She can’t help giggling at Dash calling her an egghead again. “Well, this egghead has its perks sometimes.”

“Do you have to tell yourself that until you believe it, too? Or does that come naturally?” Dash asks, and they both keep a straight face for two seconds before bursting out laughing.

Breakfast was completely out of the question, so Twilight more or less forced two metabolic pills and her own vitamin pills down her throat.

“How come that never gets any less full?” Rainbow asks after downing all of the pills with as much water as she could tolerate, pointing to the jar they got from Celestia. As stated, it remains filled to the brim with the glowing magical pills, despite Dash taking them for months now.

“There’s a spell on it, replicating what’s inside whenever we take some out.” Twilight explains. At the lost expression on her non-magical friend, she adds, “I can detect the spells on enchanted objects.”

“Ou…kay then.” Rainbow replies, staring at the enchanted jar in thought, wondering if this means that they’re expecting her to rely on them for much longer than she first thought. She shakes her head. “Hey, can we test my wing power again?”

Twilight blinks. “What for?”

“I just want to know if it’s gotten any stronger.” Dash says simply, despite her insides feeling like jelly when she thinks about the shows she has to fly soon.

“Well, do you feel any different?” The alicorn asks curiously. She doesn’t want to risk Rainbow using up too much of her pegasus magic and energy before the show.

“No? Ugh, I’m just… nervous. And knowing how much wing power I have would be really helpful right now.” Dash complains.

Twilight shrugs. “Alright. But only one try, okay?”

“Yes, fine.” The pegasus replies eagerly, already getting back into the air and flying above Twilight as she prepares everything.

The alicorn barely gives her the OK when the pegasus zooms past so fast that she has to hold the machine still. Once Dash joins her again, she announces, “14.5!”

A bit disappointed that it was still lower than her personal best, Rainbow figures that it would just have to be enough for what she has planned. Hopefully.

Twilight sees the less-than-satisfied look on her face. “Rainbow, that’s an incredible progress!”

“If you say so…” Dash replies, unsure if she could believe that.

Twilight grabs the machine with her magic. “Come on, we have to leave soon.”

It was still dark out, given that it was the annual Summer Sun Celebration, but the girls all found together thanks to Applejack’s pastry stand and Rarity wearing the most shimmery and glowing dress and hat they have ever seen.

“Too much?” The fashionista asks innocently when the Pegasi of the group have to shield their eyes. Rarity quickly cancels the spell that makes her outfit glow, and discovers Rainbow’s newest accessory in the process. “Ooh! Isn’t that from the castle?”

Everypony takes a curious look, and Dash confirms, “yeah, Twilight made it for me. Pretty cool, huh?” She holds the gem higher so they could all see the frozen memory.

The others agree cheerfully, although Rarity blushes and gets awkward when she remembers what she had done that day. “I’m still sorry for trying to steal the show like that. I never should have so much as considered entering the competition.”

“Ah, it’s okay. Besides, it all worked out in the end, right?” Rainbow tries to reassure. She takes off the necklace, which ruffles her hair a bit. “Who knows, maybe I would have failed to do the Sonic Rainboom if it hadn’t been for you-”

She’s interrupted by Rarity brushing her shaggy mane with a hairbrush that she apparently takes everywhere. “None of that. You’re a Wonderbolt now, Darling.” She reminds the pegasus, continuing to brush her mane with her eyes closed. “You have to let go of your doubts at some point.”

“Uh, Rarity-” Twilight tries to intervene.

“Oh hush, Twilight. At least let me make sure that she looks presentab- WHAAAHAHAAA!” She shrieks when she finally opens her eyes, only to find a small accumulation of rainbow coloured strands now coating the hairs of her brush.

Rainbow is unaware of what is happening, so she startles at the sudden scream that makes the other town ponies surrounding the friends stare in surprise at them.

Twilight takes control over the situation. “Everything is fine! Please, carry on, everypony!”

When they could talk freely again without half of Ponyville watching, Rarity says in a quiet, high pitch, “your hair is falling out…!”

“Yeah, I know.” Rainbow says with a shrug, and finally hands her necklace to Twilight for safekeeping. When the others stare at her dumbfounded, she adds, “kinda hard to miss.”

“Is that because of the….. relapse?” The unicorn asks in a near whisper.

Rainbow frowns at the last word, but then shakes her head. “Nah. It just happens on and off.” She replies, leaving more questions than answers.

A sudden, cool breeze leaves her shivering a bit. Without thinking, Twilight presses herself against the chilled pegasus, her wing wrapped around her back and other side to try to keep her warm. “I knew I forgot something.” She grumbles to herself.

“Don’t worry. It’ll be warmer once Celestia raises the sun, and I’ll have to get ready for that in a bit, anyways.”

The first performance starts once the sun has been raised. The second show is about Celestia’s and Luna’s reunion, which is the perfect opportunity for her to finish it off with the Sonic Rainboom.

They see a couple camera flashes going off somewhere in the gathering. Rainbow groans. “Lovely. Not only do I have to try to evade my parents, but also annoying paparazzi ponies.” She grumbles to herself. Twilight had told her that she would try to get Dash’s parents to meet with her, so that they could all discuss their flawed ways of raising Rainbow.

“Oh do relax, they’re probably just here to take photos of the princesses.” Rarity says. Then all eyes turn on Twilight, and back to Rarity. “Uhm, I mean, the other princesses.” It’s rare for Luna to leave Canterlot, so it’s always a news-worthy highlight.

“It’ll be fine.” Twilight says pointedly, then winks at Rainbow. “Isn’t that right?”

Getting her point, Dash nods. “Everything is going to turn out fine.” She parrots the phrase. “…as long as nothing goes wrong.” She adds nervously, then backs away from the alicorn. “I better go and get ready. I’ll meet you guys later.”

Twilight sighs as they all watch the cyan pegasus fly above the crowd to where the Wonderbolts were gathered behind the stage.

“What was that about her parents?” Applejack asks curiously.

“Rainbow has.. how do I put this… a difficult relationship with her parents. I’ll have to find them and see if maybe we can all talk things out in a calm environment at some point.” Twilight explains.

“Oh, maybe I can help with that.” Fluttershy says. “Are they here?”

Applejack and Rarity nod. “Scootaloo is with them here somewhere.”

“How about we go and talk to them now? We still got a bit of time before the show starts.” Fluttershy offers. “Shouldn’t be hard to spot them…”

Twilight nods. “That would be great.”

“We’ll be here.” Rarity tells them, staying with Pinkie Pie and Applejack at the latter’s food stand.

As Fluttershy expected, it didn’t take them long to make out Dash’s parents in the audience, dressed up in fan costumes and proudly (and loudly) informing random strangers that their ‘little Dashie’ is a Wonderbolt.

Just witnessing a short moment of this is making the Princess of Friendship cringe. She pauses with Fluttershy in the air. “I didn’t think it was really this bad.” She admits to the yellow pegasus.

“Oh, that’s harmless… trust me, it gets a lot worse.” The timid pegasus replies uncharacteristically sternly.

Twilight gulps at that. Thankfully the other town ponies are backing away and therefore creating an empty space for the two to land. “Hello, I’m-”

“Twilight Sparkle, the princess friend of our daughter.” Windy Whistles interrupts cheerfully, throwing an arm around Twilight’s neck. “Aren’t you just soo lucky to have such a special pony by your side?”

Momentarily stunned, Twilight sees that Scootaloo is handing out a tissue for a crying stallion, who seems to share the same mane and tail colour as Rainbow. She gently shrugs out of the mother’s embrace. “Yes, we are all lucky to have her as our friend… And I see that you are very proud of her.” She remarks carefully, pointing to all the self-made Rainbow Dash merchandise.

“The proudest any parent could ever be!” The dad shouts before breaking down into sobs, with Scootaloo grinning as she comforts him.

Fluttershy has had enough of the display and pointedly clears her throat. “If it’s alright with you, I think it would be a good idea if we could all meet up some time.”

Windy gasps. “That would be a-ma-zing!”

“Since Rainbow is already staying with me and we got more than enough space, we could all meet up at the Castle tomorrow.” Twilight suggests. She’s hoping that Rainbow will eat and rest once the show ends.

“Of course! Yes, we’ll be there.” Windy agrees. “Ooh, I simply must show you all the photo albums, our little Dashie was just the cutest-”

Twilight makes to reject the idea, when the audience starts to cheer as Celestia begins raising the sun, and not a moment later, the Wonderbolts begin their first flight show in the first light of the day.

Not even the obnoxiously loud screaming from Dash’s parents could distract the friends from always seeking out the one with the rainbow t(r)ail. No matter how loud the very distracting shouting gets, no matter how quick the turns are or how many times they spin, Rainbow nails every move perfectly, absolutely flawlessly.

Eventually the first show ends, and the parent’s yelling threatens to shatter every pony’s eardrums.
“Let’s get back to the others.” Twilight calls over the cheering, and she and Fluttershy start to push through the crowds, but are quickly stopped by no other than Princess Celestia.

“Nice job.” Spitfire praises, playfully hitting Dash’s shoulder after they all pushed up their goggles.

“That was awesome!” Soarin cheers, throwing a hoof up in the air.

The mayor begins her speech on the stage.

“Alright. We got about ten minutes until we’re up again.” Spitfire starts, throwing Rainbow a knowing smile. “You can go and be with your friends in the meantime.”

Feeling too short of breath to reply, thanks to her still harsh, fast heartbeat thumping away in her chest, Rainbow just nods and nervously makes her way back to the others, rubbing at her chest with a hoof.

Maybe she really should tell Twilight about the heart thing. It’s obviously not a one-time-thing and it’s becoming quite painful the longer it lasts.

When she reaches the others, she’s surprised to only find four of her five pony friends, who all praise the amazing show once they see her. “Thanks everyone. Where’s Twi?”

“Princess Celestia is talking to her.” Fluttershy replies.

“Oh…”

“Don’t worry, they’re probably just discussing princess things.” Rarity dismisses, “they haven’t seen each other in months.” She takes a closer look at Dash and frowns. She magically grabs her makeup supplies and powders the pegasus’ face, despite mostly being covered by her suit, causing her to cough.

“Rarity! No one is going to see this stuff anyways!” Dash complains with her eyes closed, flapping her wings to get the makeup dust to go away.

“I’m just trying to help. You’re looking a bit peaky, dear…” The unicorn defends.

Applejack rolls her eyes and steps forwards. “That’s ‘cuz she needs to eat something if she’s exerting herself like that.”

Ignoring the way Rainbow’s eyes immediately fill with panic, the earth pony grabs one of her pastries and holds it out to her friend. “Apple tart?”

Dash turns her head away in disgust, clenching her jaws shut. She was still horribly nauseous from taking the pills and drinking water earlier, and is just going to be sick if she dare try to swallow a single crumb.

Right now she just wants to get the shows over with, and with the way her heart was still pounding in her chest, she has half a mind to just get through the second routine normally. After all, the other ‘Bolts were pretty happy with her performance just now. And maybe that is good enough, at least for now.

Frustrated, AJ exchanges it for a different, much smaller pastry. “Apple fritter?” She all but holds it right in front of the Pegasus’ muzzle.

Seeing Rainbow’s panic rising, Rarity intervenes. “Applejack, you know that she’s not ready for this.” She hisses at her stubborn friend.

“Not ready for what? It’s just food! She’s acting like I’m trying to poison her!” AJ argues loud enough to cause a scene. She couldn’t help feeling a bit insulted by Dash’s reactions to her home made baked goods.

Unable to bring herself to actually say it out loud, Rainbow looks her in the eyes, begging for her to understand that she’s grateful but simply couldn’t eat what she has baked.

Applejack seems to see something in her eyes, because she suddenly sighs, lays the fritter back with the others on the plate, and comes up to Dash. “You just ain’t yourself anymore. It’s like yer possessed or something.”

“Ooooor, what if WE are the ones that are possessed?!” Pinkie shrieks, pauses with wide eyes, then chomps on a cupcake that none of them knew where that suddenly came from.

Blinking, the others go back on topic. “What are you talking about?” Rainbow asks, frowning. “Of course I’m still me!”

“Um, seriously?” Applejack asks. She goes back to her stand, fetching a mug of freshly pressed cider, then holds it out to the pegasus, who once again recoils. “See?! Ya LOVE our cider, and you won’t even drink that!”

“Girls…”

Dash is stunned by the fact for a moment, herself, then flares her wings in anger. “Do you think I enjoy this?! That I’m choosing this?!”

“Girls…”

“No! And that’s exactly what I mean! You just ain’t yourself anymore.” Applejack repeats, but this time, it sinks in for her that this invisible illness is destroying her friend in seemingly every possible way. As they stare into each other’s eyes, she could now see the pain and suffering going on behind those magenta irises, which start tearing up when an equally heavy realisation hits the pegasus at the same time.

“Maybe we should-”

Dash squeezes her eyes shut to fight off the tears and stomps her hoof. “You-… I’ll show you that I’m still me!” She yells before taking off, flying back to the other Wonderbolts faster than any of them could have said something to stop her.

Fluttershy covers her eyes with a defeated sigh. The others all hang their heads with a sinking feeling.

“Ah think Ah really messed up.” Applejack offers. “How is she gonna ‘show me’ that she’s still herself, anyhow?”

Rarity frowns in thought. “You don’t think she meant…”

“A Sonic Rainboom!” Pinkie yells cheerfully, bouncing up.

“In her state?” Rarity states urgently. “Is that even possible?”

“If it fails, she’ll be thrown back by the sound barrier.” Fluttershy replies knowingly.

“We have to stop her!” Applejack near-yells, making to run over to the stage, when Mayor Mare announces the Wonderbolt’s newest, first ever performance, over the speakers.

They all share a look, thinking the same thing.

“We have to tell Twilight!”

Meanwhile…

Twilight walks with Celestia a bit away behind the stage, so that they could talk without the Mayor’s speech distracting them.

To Twilight’s surprise, the topic isn’t Rainbow Dash per se.

“I saw many similarities between you and Silver Spell. The only difference was that you had friends in Canterlot, and for a while I thought it was enough. But then your studies started to take over everything, and when I got your letter about Nightmare Moon’s prophecy on Moondancer’s birthday, it was the final straw.” Celestia explains.

“But why Ponyville? Did you already know that I would become friends with the others?” Twilight asks curiously.

“Not exactly.” Celestia smiles. “You see: back when you passed the test and got your cutie mark because of Rainbow Dash’s first ever Sonic Rainboom, I knew that there was something of a deeper connection there. But the problem was that, back then, Rainbow Dash didn’t live in Ponyville, and I couldn’t send you to live in Cloudsdale. I tried to keep you connected to other ponies for as long as I could, and when I heard that Rainbow Dash had moved to Ponyville, and then got your letter, I knew what I had to do.”

Twilight’s eyes grow wide. “You mean… if Dash hadn’t moved to Ponyville when she did…” she swallows thickly.

Luna comes closer to the two. “I would still be Nightmare Moon seeking revenge, and I dread the idea of what could have become of you if you hadn’t found your friends and gotten away from your studies-… well, for the most part.”

They’re interrupted when the Wonderbolts zoom by above them, and shortly afterwards, the other four friends run up to them.

“Twilight!”
“Ah really messed up-”
“WE HAVE A PROBLEM!!!”
“Dashie’s gonna do a Sonic Rainboom!”
They all say over each other, but Twilight doesn’t have to ask for a clear answer when she looks up in the sky and sees one of the Wonderbolts separating from the group near the end of the show, flying high up in the sky before coming straight down at an ever faster speed.

They all stare in awe when Dash breaks through the sound barrier and the explosion fills the sky. The audience cheers, but the friends could see that something is wrong.

Normally when Dash pulls off her trick, she then pulls back up and flies repeated shapes in the sky with her saturated rainbow trail.

But not this time around. She just continues to fall in a straight line at extremely high velocity, making no move as to break her fall, and even the town ponies begin to scream in horror rather than joy.

Twilight begins her levitation spell, but due to the long distance and Rainbow’s intense speed, she could barely even slow her down. Even with her impressive and strong alicorn magic, no matter how much she strains and concentrates, Rainbow continues to fall. “I can’t slow her down!” She yells in her panic.

Without wasting another second, Celestia and Luna cast the same spell, and the three alicorns bring their horns together to maximise their power.

Chapter 29

When Rainbows comes to, she finds herself lying in a hospital bed, an IV bag hanging above her head, a bandaged wing that’s been restrained to her body, and a sense of deja vu.
The difference to last time is that her wing is folded in the bandages, instead of stretched out, and she isn’t a 100% sure if the Wonderbolts standing next to her bed are real or not.

She stares at them for some time, her head feeling way too fuzzy as to form a single coherent thought.

“What were you thinking?!” Spitfire eventually snaps. “Changing the routine at the last minute without consulting me. If it hadn’t been for the princesses, you’d be dead now!”

Rainbow gulps. Definitely real.

“Wonderbolts look out for each other. We can’t be a team if we don’t work as one.” The leader continues to lecture.

Dash prepares herself for the moment they tell her that she’s out of the ‘Bolts.
But instead…

“Now that that is out of the way…” Spitfire trails off with a grin directed at their team mates.

“That trick was totally EPIC!” Fleetfoot exclaims.

“Yeah, I wish I could pull off something like that!” Soarin says in awe.

Spitfire clears her throat and comes to Dash’s bedside. “Good thing that we’re on break until spring, so your wing should be healed up by then.” She backs up again. “That is, if you still want to fly with us.”

Rainbow throws her a dumbfounded look. This was unexpected, to say the least. “You’re not gonna throw me out?”

“Throw you out?” The Wonderbolts chuckle. “Are you kidding? You’re the best flier we’ve ever had! We were waiting for ages for a spot to finally open up.”

Rainbow blinks, unable to process the idea that the coolest flight team in all of Equestria wanted her. Not just allowing her in because her name was the next on the list, but actually wanting her.

“I just thought.. I mean… after I kept messing up during training, I just wanted to prove to you all that you hadn’t made a mistake in putting me on the team.” Dash explains, struggling to focus.

“Mistake?” Soarin asks dumbfounded, as if he had never heard such a word before. “Never! Ever since you saved us at the Best Young Fliers Competition, and pulled off that incredible trick, we knew that we had to get you on the team someday.”

“And you taught us a lot over the years, Crash.” Spitfire adds.

All the fuzzy feelings were immediately diminished when she said that blasted nickname, and they notice her whole demeanour changing from disbelief to distraught.

“What’s the matter?” Fleetfoot asks.

“‘Rainbow Crash’ was the loser at Flight Camp who could barely get off a cloud.” Rainbow grumbles sternly. “I’m not that pony anymore.” She says, although it’s not really clear if she’s saying it to herself or the other pegasi.

The ‘Bolts share a confused look.

“Well, of course you’re not. You’re one of us.” Spitfire offers. “And we all have our — moderately demeaning — nicknames, that refer to mistakes we made as a Wonderbolt.”

The others nod.

Rainbow frowns. “So I should be glad you don’t call me ‘Rainbow Blob’?” She asks disheartened.

The other athletes are confused. “What are you talking about?” Spitfire asks.

“You know; because I couldn’t even fit into my own suit?” Rainbow clarifies, utterly humiliated.

Fleetfoot steps forward. “Listen… if this is about the jokes I made, then I’m truly sorry.”

“We have all been there at one point or another.” Spitfire says seriously, and the others nod. “And besides that, it would hardly be appropriate. For one, we don’t do these nicknames based on our appearance, only the silly moments that just happen during practice. And two: you’re literally the thinnest of us, and could honestly do with putting on a bit of weight, if you know what I mean.”

Rainbow is completely stunned by this.

“Get some rest. We already stayed longer than the staff wanted us to.” The leader says, and they all take their leave.

Dash is alone for all of two seconds before her pony friends, plus Spike and Scootaloo, enter.

“Oh, we’re so glad you’re okay!” Rarity says in greeting, and they all spread out around the bed. The others all seem to have something on their mind, even Pinkie isn’t bouncing around.

“Do you remember what happened?” Twilight asks softly, though her voice sounds raw, like she’s been crying.

Rainbow tries to remember. “I was flying… we were going through the second routine.” She could vaguely remember her wing hurting and flying blindly, thinking to herself that she just needed to keep going a bit longer. Just a little longer. Then… nothing.

“You did a Sonic Rainboom!” Scootaloo says, “and I took a picture of it!” She shows her the polaroid. “Look! I mean, it’s not nearly as awesome as it was to watch it in person, but it’s sooo cool!”

Rainbow stares at the image, mouth agape. “I’ve never seen it like that before.” She says. Of course, technically she gets the best view whenever she pulls it off, but being able to see the whole of it from afar is an incredible sight on its own.

Scootaloo pulls it back to herself. “I need it for my presentation tomorrow, but after that, you can totally keep it!” She says with a grin.

“That would be- wait,… you still want to do that hero thing.. about me?” Dash asks in disbelief. She could vaguely remember the filly saying something about some kind of hero presentation, when she’d upset her with her outburst.

“Well duh, of course!” Scoots scoffs. “I mean, hellooo, you’re the coolest pony in all over Equestria.”

“No, I’m not.” Rainbow says instantly without thinking, causing everyone to look at her in shock. Pinkie’s dramatic gasp threatens to rupture her lungs.

“I know I said I’d find somepony else to do my hero report on, but I didn’t actually mean it. You told me that there’s more to it, and I didn’t listen. I may not fully understand what’s going on, but you’re still my sister and you were always there for me when I needed it. So allow me to return the favour.” The filly says seriously.

Struggling to comprehend what’s been happening since she woke up, Rainbow barely manages a “th-thanks.”

The others throw Twilight a knowing look, and Applejack announces, “come on y’all. I think these two have some things to talk about,” she turns to Scoots, “and I better bring you home.”

As they take their leave, Rainbow suddenly realises that Fluttershy hadn’t been here with the others, but couldn’t figure out why that was important, and then she’s alone with Twilight, who starts asking more questions.

“How are you feeling?”

Such a common question, and yet, it truly leaves the pegasus wondering. How is she feeling?
She tries to sit up, disliking laying there like a patient, but quickly finds that she has barely any strength left and gets horribly dizzy immediately.

“I guess I’ve been better…” she decides, eyes screwed shut and holding a hoof to her forehead as the world continues to spin inside her head.

“There’s something you need to know…” Twilight hesitantly broaches, which grants her a half opened eye directed at herself. “I asked them to check out your heart, and I think we know what happened.” She takes a deep breath to steady herself, and has Rainbow’s full attention now.
“The doctors found out that the muscles of your heart chambers are thinner than they should be, which means that it needs to work much harder to do its job. When you did the Sonic Rainboom, the extreme physical exertion, plus the added pressure from your speed, became too much. Your heart didn’t have the strength to get the needed amount of blood and oxygen to your brain, so you lost consciousness.” She explains, then sighs. “It’s a miracle you even managed to pull it off, and got away with only a pulled muscle in your wing.”

Even with her fuzzy brain barely able to process anything, Rainbow could understand the gist of what happened. Or rather, what is happening. “That’s bad.. right?” She asks, a bit worried that she may have done irreversible damage to herself.

“Yes. But you’re extremely lucky: they said that you didn’t do any permanent damage to your heart, and that it should recover and get strong again, if you eat right and stick to only light exercise for now.”

It sounds so easy. But when you’re struggling with an eating disorder, it feels like being told that you’re about to go to jail for an unknown length of time.

Twilight seems to know what’s going through her friend’s mind. “I know that it won’t be easy for you, but it’s really for your own good, and we’ll all be there to support you.”

Rainbow’s eyes stay downcast. “To be honest, I think exercising is going to be very far down on my to-do list.” She lays back down, resting her head on the covers. “I really don’t feel well...” She finally admits, closing her eyes, and it’s possibly the most heartbreaking thing Twilight has ever witnessed the prideful pony say.

It was as if she just witnessed the last bit of fight leaving her. Like a once enormous flame has just been extinguished, leaving a cold, dark emptiness in its place.

For once, the Princess of Friendship was at a loss on how to comfort her friend. And there’s an even bigger issue at hand: Rainbow is supposed to stay in the hospital for a few days, for observation. And Twilight knows that she’s unlikely going to touch any of the food they serve here. But the pegasus also didn’t seem able to handle the travel back to the castle in her current state — neither by walking, nor teleportation.

As if reading her mind, Rainbow suddenly asks, “how long do I have to stay here?”

“Technically, a couple of days.”

Dash looks at her in puzzlement. “What do you mean ‘technically’?”

“Well.. they want to keep you here, make sure there are no bad after effects.” Twilight sighs. “But you have to eat.”

All at once, she understood. “Oh.. right… of course…”

“I would offer to take you home and keep an eye on you, but I fear that you’re in no state to leave that bed right now, much less travel across half of Ponyville.”

“It’s fine.” Rainbow decides. “It’s only a few days at most, anyways, right? I can totally do this.” She says, sounding the total opposite of convincing. Before Twilight could say anything, Dash yawns and curls up into a ball. “I really need to get some sleep until lunch. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this tired before…”

Twilight gently tucks the blanket over her with her magic. The staff will keep Dash here until the IV bag is finished, at the very least. After that… they’ll just have to wait and see. “I’ll let you get some rest. I’ll come back later.”

For the first time in a long while, Rainbow has a ‘dream’. She’s in the Canterlot Castle with Luna.

“How are you feeling, Rainbow Dash?” The princess asks.

“I’ve been better.” Dash replies honestly.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

Rainbow sighs. “It’s my own fault, anyways. I never should have tried to perform in the first place.”

“I fear that this is partly my fault as well. I’ve been cancelling your dreams.” Luna confesses. “I’d assumed that allowing you to fully rest would be more beneficial. But in hindsight, maybe if i had just talked to you one more time, it could have prevented this.”

She casts a spell that shows her memory of the show, how Dash’s friends come running, shouting for help. She’s a bit surprised by Applejack’s obvious regret and worry.

Then, she gets another view of her Sonic Rainboom, and can’t help a ‘whoa’, along with the audience’s awe. But then she watches herself just plummeting, and the cheers turn into screams. She could barely make out Twilight yelling “I can’t slow her down!”, then memory-Luna jumps into action, and the memory fazes out with a bright flash of their combined magic.

Rainbow feels lightheaded, now knowing what had happened. No wonder Spitfire was mad, and she feels horribly guilty for scaring her friends, and everyone else witnessing it, like that.

“I’m so sorry for ruining the day like that.” She apologises. After all, today was supposed to be the celebration of the two sisters reuniting. Not the near death of an Element of Harmony.

“Miss Dash~” A nurse singsongs in the waking world.

“I fear our time is up.” Luna remarks, slowly being pulled away. “Be strong, my little pony. I shall see you tonight.”

Rainbow startles awake, only to find a food tray being placed in front of her.

“Lunch time!” The nurse says cheerfully and takes her leave.

Rainbow gags at the mere sight. It was the same nasty grub that they apparently always serve here. Not only did it look and smell disgusting, but she also had absolutely no idea what is even in this stuff. For all she knew, they could be giving her poison, to make her ill and keep her here longer. Or it could be some fattening mixture of high caloric, very unhealthy foods.

Since Twilight is so meticulous about making sure that Dash is getting everything she needs, in the absolutely perfect amounts, she has learned that she could trust what the alicorn serves her. She knows every gram, every percentage of what goes into those meals and even the snacks.

In her mind, it was safe. This hospital food is anything but. She may have told Twilight that she’d eat, but actually having it in front of her is a completely different story.

“Never mind. Urgh! I can’t do this.” She whines, shoving the food tray away from herself. That’s when she realises that the IV has been removed, a little bandaid now in the needle’s place.

The white bandage around her wing and torso suddenly feels strangely tight, to the point of restricting her breathing, so she briefly checks that no one is coming into her room in the next few seconds, and makes quick work in unwrapping them. Once she’s free, she rips off the little bandaid as well, just for good measure.

She gets off the bed dizzily, but finds that she’s a lot more stable now. She also feels oddly puffed up and swollen, bloated like a water balloon, but she couldn’t really focus on it, because her first priority right now is to get out of this hospital.

Checking the window, she finds that she’s in luck. Her room is on ground level, so she opens it and easily jumps out, and starts her journey back to Twilight’s castle.

Rainbow quickly regrets removing the bandages. At least when her wing had been tightly held in place, the sore muscle didn’t have to tense up at every movement. Now she has to grit her teeth at the stabs of pain that shoot through her wing at every step.

Halfway across town, a good distance away from the festivities still going on, she startles half to death when a pegasus suddenly swoops down, right in front of her.

“Heyyy Rainbows!” None other than Zephyr Breeze greets her, brushing a hoof through his hair as though to impress her. “I’m sure you’re happy to know that I saw the amazing, incredible show that you put on for me, earlier. But just between me and you, you didn’t have to fall for me like that. A bit too dramatic for my taste, ya know?”

Like always, her brain and body completely freeze up at his utterly ridiculous thought process and drawn conclusions regarding her actions, so she just stares at him in complete disbelief.

She snaps out of it when he suddenly squishes her face, then playfully pokes her belly. “Have you gotten more pudgy since I last saw you?” He asks, then shrugs. “Hm, oh well. Now there’s just more of you to love. Isn’t that right, Rainbows?” He raises his eyebrows seductively.

“W-what?!” She exclaims.

Completely ignoring the horror on her face, he wraps an arm around her neck. “Hey, I don’t know about you, but Ah am hungreeey! Let’s go get some lunch, it’ll be our very first date- Do I look okay?” He asks, using both hooves to touch at his mane.

The moment she’s free, she makes to fly off without thinking. Barely even opening her wings, she’s quickly reminded that she’s injured and can’t fly for at least a few days, probably a week. She cries out when the pain in her wing, which was already bad enough, even spreads out into her back for a moment, completely immobilising her.

Zephyr remains ignorant of her plight and also lets out a yell. “Auwh! I like the enthusiasm!”

When he makes to wrap his arm around her neck again, Rainbow finally slaps him away. “Stop it! I’m not interested in you!”

Unfortunately for her, it is very difficult to seem threatening when your opponent is a full head taller than you, and she couldn’t fly up to be on eye level. Or fly away, like she desperately wishes she could do right now.

He laughs. “Oh, Rainbows. You crack me up. You don’t have to hide your feelings for me!” One moment he brings his head close to hers, pursing his lips, as if going in for a kiss, and the next moment, he’s surrounded by a purple aura and shoved a pony length away from Dash.

“She told you to leave her alone.” Twilight scolds, her face an angry scowl.

Rainbow has never been so happy to see her. And she’s also never seen the alicorn so mad before.

Twilight steps protectively between her friend and the stallion, relinquishing her magical hold. Right in that moment, they hear Fluttershy’s angry shout.

“ZEPHYR BREEZE!” The normally timid pegasus is seemingly equally as infuriated as Twilight. “I can’t believe you sometimes! I turn my back for one second and you go and harass Rainbow, after I told you crystal clear to leave her alone!”

He still doesn’t seem to get the message. “Alright, alright, chillax-”

“I will not ‘chillax’, you apologise right now!” She bellows, gesturing to Dash.

Zephyr sighs dramatically. “Sorry, Rainbows.” He opens his wings, throwing his sister and Twilight a haughty frown. “Maybe next time.” He mutters and finally flies off.

“Uurgh.” Fluttershy groans, facepalming. Then she lands next to Rainbow. “I’m so sorry, Rainbow Dash. I told him to keep his distance if he wants to stay with me. I left the room for one second and he was gone.”

“It’s fine…” Rainbow replies. “It’s not your fault. I just don’t get what he sees in me.” She says honestly.

“Don’t think like that. You’re amazing and brave and strong.” Fluttershy tries to comfort her.

“And apparently ‘pudgy’.” Rainbow snaps without thinking. She looks pointedly at Twilight, because the alicorn had promised her to tell her if she was getting too big.

“You aren’t. What he was referring to is water weight, probably because of the saline. It’s temporary, I promise.” Twilight explains factually.

Hearing that it apparently wasn’t just a strange, wrong perception of his, only stresses her out further. “Is it very noticeable?!” Dash asks, looking left and right for a mirror or nearby lake.

“No.” Twilight shakes her head. “In fact, you look much healthier right now.”

“‘Healthy’ as in ‘fat’?” Rainbow can’t help asking.

Fluttershy lays a gentle hoof on Dash’s shoulder. “No, Rainbow. Healthy like me, or Twilight. We aren’t ‘fat’, right?”

That helps calm her down a bit.

“No.” Rainbow says. It’s still difficult to convince the devil in her head of that fact, but she could remember that time Twilight had stood next to her in front of the mirror, and been able to see that she’d been skinnier than the alicorn.

She also realises now why the bandages had been so tight all of a sudden, if her body had stored the water from the IV. Being a somewhat knowledgeable athlete, she also knows perfectly why that happened: not eating enough protein as of late, and not drinking nearly enough to keep hydrated, so now her body had no other choice than to keep the extra fluid trapped in the cells. And, as Twilight had said, it was just temporary.

That doesn’t mean she’s not feeling horribly self conscious about it, but at least she’s not alone.

“What are you doing out here, anyway?” Twilight asks. “And where are the bandages?”

Rainbow laughs sheepishly. “I wasn’t a big fan of the hospital food.” She looks over at her aching wing. “And when I woke up, the bandages were too tight, probably thanks to the water retention. So I took them off.” She explains.

Twilight playfully rolls her eyes. Her parents were right about one thing: Rainbow really does deserve a price for being the worst patient. She doesn’t say it out loud, though. “Are you okay to walk, or should I teleport us back to the castle?” She asks, regarding both pegasi friends.

“I’m afraid I have to get back to my cottage, make sure Zephyr doesn’t eat the salad bowls I made for the animals…” Fluttershy grumbles. “I’ll try to be there tomorrow.” She says before flying off.

Rainbow frowns. “What’s tomorrow?” She asks Twilight, who becomes nervous at the mention.

“Oh,.. you see, I invited your parents over tomorrow. You know, to talk things out.” Twilight explains.

Rainbow balks at the idea. “You what?!”

“They need to learn how their way of raising you has created more problems rather than fix them. You feel like you can’t trust them with serious topics, that’s not the way a healthy relationship works.” Twilight tells her sternly. They start to head back to the castle, continuing to talk as they walk.

“But, you’re not gonna tell them about…” Rainbow trails off.

“I won’t tell anyone anything that you don’t want them to know.” Twilight promises, although it saddens her that Rainbow would rather keep such serious problems a secret from her own family.

After all, today alone could have went very differently. Instead of asking Dash’s parents for a meet-up, they could be discussing funeral plans right now. And Rainbow is still far from out of the danger zone.

Twilight feels her heart sinking when she realises another thing. “Who was that pony, earlier?”

“Hm? You mean Zephyr?”

Twilight nods.

“He’s Fluttershy’s little brother.” Dash explains.

“Has he always been… like that?” She knows that Dash and Fluttershy have known each other since they were very young. She wonders how long Dash has been dealing with such harassment.

Dash sighs. “He was a bit clingy when he was a colt. But it wasn’t until he hit puberty that he became annoying. At first I thought he was just joking. We didn’t think much of it. But you saw how he is, now. He’s always touching me and won’t leave me alone anymore.” She grumbles in disgust. She throws Twilight a nervous look. “Don’t tell Fluttershy, but he’s one of the reasons I moved to Ponyville. I just couldn’t take his…. What he does, anymore.”

The confession makes Twilight’s heart ache for her friend. She decides to bite the bullet. “Did you ever tell your parents about it?”

“About what? That the brother of my best friend is hitting on me?” Dash asks dumbfounded. “What good would that do?”

“They could have told him to back off. Or make sure that he wasn’t invited in your house, for example.” Twilight offers, watching her friend scanning the sky left and right as they walk past the town centre.

It pains her to think that Rainbow has been dealing with this pretty much by herself, never confiding in anyone who could have helped. To feel so helpless, and worth so little, that she never sought help.

“You should see Fluttershy’s parents. They only believe his side, and think that I’m the one who has a crush on him.” Dash complains, gagging at the mere thought. “If her parents don’t see the problem, how do you think my parents would react? They would probably start planning a wedding if they knew.”

Twilight throws her a disbelieving look at the last part. “I don’t think they’d go that far.”

Dash sighs. “Maybe not that far, but they’d probably be overjoyed at the idea that their oh-so-amazing daughter is attracting such attention. I’d rather skip the title of ‘best crush-magnet’, or whatever they’ll come up with.” She says, and can’t help checking the sky again, afraid that Zephyr might make another attempt. The way he keeps ignoring her telling him to back off, and her current inability to escape or fight back, is making her afraid of where he might take his strange attraction to her.

Today had been the first time he’s ever tried to kiss her. His behaviour has long passed a silly crush. He’s ignoring all her boundaries and she really doesn’t like it. She feels ill if she so much as sees the guy, or if some pony mentions his name.

They eventually make it back to the castle. Twilight re-bandages Rainbow’s wing as per the pegasus’ request, and they eat lunch together, which takes Dash a long time to finish, thanks to Zephyr’s comment on her current physique.

Despite being utterly exhausted and unable to keep her eyes open for more than a few seconds, Rainbow couldn’t relax. Knowing that Zephyr was currently residing with Fluttershy, and thus being way too close for comfort, leaves her on edge.

She follows Twilight into her study, asking if she could stay with her. In reply, the alicorn created the most comfortable pillow and blanket fort for the pegasus to sleep in, whilst being in close proximity.
“You can sleep. I’ll keep you safe.” Twilight promises her, long after the pegasus had finally fallen asleep.

It didn’t take her long to find a specific spell, which lets her put up a forcefield that only keeps out Zephyr Breeze, prohibiting him from entering her castle.

Chapter 30

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Chapter 31

Rainbow was less than happy to be woken up the next morning, even with Twilight allowing her to sleep in a bit. She still felt absolutely drained, and after that nightmare she hadn’t been able to fall back asleep for a good hour, until the fatigue must have claimed her again. Princess Luna must have prevented any further dreams, as she couldn’t recall dreaming anything else.

Twilight has stopped waking her up with breakfast in bed. It was no longer her first priority to get the first meal into the pegasus as quickly as possible, since that tended to sour the mood for most of the day. She only brings her the pills and water, which (almost) always go down without a fight.

“How can I still be so tired?!” Dash complains when she can barely open her eyes, much less keep them from closing on their own accord every two seconds.

“It’s not too surprising, after everything that happened.” Twilight says. “But are you feeling any better than yesterday? Should we cancel?”

“Cancel what?” Rainbow asks confused, her brain still feeling fuzzy.

“Your parents are coming over, later.” Twilight reminds her, not at all surprised that Dash’s brain is apparently still booting up.

The pegasus sighs. “Right…”

Twilight doesn’t like her reaction. “We don’t have to do this today. I can-”

“No.” Rainbow interrupts, finally sitting up in bed, the blanket covering her is holding on to her shoulders. Even just exposing herself this tiny bit to the — to her — cold air in the rest of the castle, leaves her shivering.
“I’ve been avoiding this my entire life. And I know it sounds stupid, but I feel like they don’t actually know me; only their own version of me… I don’t want that, anymore.”

Twilight is momentarily stunned by this very logical, and very true, conclusion. In fact, Rainbow has just managed to summarise two fully written pieces of Twilight’s parchments in one very simplified sentence. “That’s not stupid at all. I’d say you’ve hit the nail on the head perfectly, and they really need to hear that.”

“Sometimes I wish they were more like you.” Rainbow mutters, pulling the blanket closed around herself. “Or, basically anyone else, really.” She sighs. “They’re so obsessed with telling me how great I am, that it’s like I’m talking to a wall. I mean, I practically told them that I’m sick of them, and they were still giving positive feedback!” She throws Twilight a pleading look. “What if this talk will be the same way? Like always.”

“We can’t control other ponies’ reactions. But if we never try, then we’ll never know.” Twilight tells her honestly.

A bit later, while Twilight is busy preparing everything, Fluttershy peeks her head into the throne room.

“Oh, uh, sorry, am I interrupting?”

“Not at all, come in!” Twilight greets her happily. “Glad you could make it.”

When the yellow pegasus opens the door to enter, a certain tortoise flies past over her head thanks to his magical propeller.

“Hello, Tank.” Twilight says with a smile, watching him circle around her. “I know somepony who’ll be very happy to see you.”

“How is she?” Fluttershy asks in concern, not seeing her colourful pegasus friend anywhere.

“Honestly, not too great. But she wants to do this.” Twilight replies. “It’s important to her that we at least try, although she’s probably fallen asleep again.”

Fluttershy doesn’t look convinced that this is the best timing, but she also knows that Rainbow has been avoiding this for much too long.

“Let’s see if we can get her out of bed.” Twilight announces and leads the way. She knocks on the door, then opens it. “Rainbow, Fluttershy is here.”

As expected, the pegasus was back in bed, curled up under her blanket. Only, when she sits up, the others see that she’s wearing one of the outfits Rarity had made for her to keep her warm.

“Hello, Rainbow Dash. How are you feeling today?” The yellow pegasus asks as she comes inside.

Rainbow shrugs noncommittally. She looks exhausted and worn out, and Fluttershy figures that it’s barely scratching the surface of how she must be feeling.

“I brought someone, who I think can cheer you up a bit.” She informs Dash, and as if on cue, Tank bumps into the open door before he manages to steer straight to his owner.

“Tank!” Rainbow exclaims happily when said tortoise comes flying straight into her arms, almost throwing them both off the bed in the process, and hugs him as tightly as his shell allowed.

“I figured you’d want to spend some time with him, before winter and all.” Fluttershy says, avoiding using the word ‘hibernate’. Dash already knows what she means, anyways. There’s no need to sour the mood any more for today by mentioning that she’s about to be pet-less until spring once again.

And besides that, thanks to Zephyr, Fluttershy has to keep all her animals safe, and the less critters she has in her home right now, the better — for all their sakes.
So far, her brother has managed to get kicked out of any and every job he’s managed to get, much to her dismay.

“Are you still cold?” Twilight asks, eyeing the clothes. “I can tell Spike to get the fireplace going-”

“No. I’m fine.” Rainbow interrupts pointedly. She releases the reptile and jumps off the bed, stumbling for a moment when she gets dizzy. By this point, they’re all used to it happening, and simply wait a moment for her to get her bearings, but remain on high alert in case she passes out.

“Are you sure?” Twilight asks. Now that there was no longer a blanket covering the pegasus’ wings, she notices that Dash has once again removed the bandages from her wing, though it’s unclear if that is because she just got annoyed with them, or if she’s trying to appear perfectly fine in front of others.

“I’m sure.” Rainbow replies pointedly. The truth is that her current inability to stay warm is only one of the reasons for her choice in covering up. The more important reason is that, probably thanks to Zeph’s comments the day before and her still feeling like her body is retaining some amount of water weight, today is a very bad 'body image' day.
She couldn’t handle the sight of any part of her body today, because her mind is making it a mission to completely distort every small glance to a ridiculous degree. Even just looking down at her bare hooves had resulted in her almost throwing the pills back up, so she is more than thankful that the clothes Rarity had made for her, almost exclusively had long sleeves on the front.

She felt warm enough to be comfortable moving around instead of shivering under a blanket, and if Twilight heats up the place, she might be forced to remove the one thing that is keeping her remotely sane, for the time being.

Twilight allows Spike to come into the pegasus’ bedroom, before closing the door. “Alright. There’s something I want to discuss with you guys, before Rainbow’s parents get here.” She says before turning to Dash. “If at any point you start to feel unwell, or a topic comes up that you want to avoid, we’ll need a code, or a signal, so we’ll know if we have to intervene, or call it short. But I know that you don’t like to admit to being uncomfortable,” she says knowingly, then turns to Spike and Fluttershy. “So that goes for you, too. If Rainbow doesn’t speak up, but you think that she should, I’ll need you to let me know.”

Rainbow frowns, deciding to ignore that last bit. “How will you ‘intervene’ and call it off?”

Twilight smiles slyly, waving her off. “Easy. I’m the Princess of Friendship, remember? I can always just say that there’s some problem I have to deal with, or that I forgot about a meeting we have to get to.”

“Or that there’s some evil Queen attacking Ponyville.” Spike chimes in.

“Eeeh, let’s just stick to small, white lies.” Twilight says sheepishly, then turns back to the pegasi. “So, any ideas on a code word or signal?”

“No words.” Rainbow decides. “If we choose something too common, we might say it by accident, and if it’s too outlandish, they’ll know it’s a code for something.”

“…okay, fair point.”

Fluttershy unfolds her wings. “What if we just do this?” She asks, closing and opening her wings to show what she means.

All eyes turn to Rainbow, who grimaces when she tries to open her sore, right wing along with the other.

“Maybe just the left wing?” Twilight suggests while doing so.

“Yeah, because that will totally not look suspicious.” Rainbow grumbles, opening only her left wing as well, to show how ridiculous it looks.

“You could make it look like you’re just stretching.” Fluttershy says, opening her wing with a motion like she’s just trying to inconspicuously stretch the muscles for a moment.

Rainbow snorts. “You’ve seen me stretch.” She says, before proceeding to do a few full body stretches (minus the wing, of course), which causes approximately half of her joints to pop, crack and snap, making the others cringe. “Aaah, that actually feels so much better… what?” She asks when she sees the disturbed faces of her friends. Even Tank is looking at her with his big, beady eyes.

They are interrupted by knocking on the front doors and cheerful calls of ‘hello’s and ‘we’re here’.

“Aaand of course they’re here early...” Rainbow grumbles. “It’s like they still can’t wait around whenever they get to see me. The perks of being an only-child, I guess.” She sighs.

“Trust me… having siblings that only make everyone around them miserable, isn’t much better.” Fluttershy replies, and the pegasi share rueful smiles.

They all go to the entrance to greet their guests, with Twilight once again trying to make a formal greeting and being quickly interrupted by an overly excited Windy Whistles. That is, until she gets sight of her daughter, and all but pounces on her.

“Dashiiieee! Ooh, look at you all dressed up! Aren’t you just the most adorable little-”
“Mooooom!” Rainbow pushes her mother away before she could squish her cheeks, which were now burning with embarrassment.

“And who is this little fella?” Her father asks in a much calmer manner, pointing to Tank.

“That’s Tank. He’s my buddy.” Rainbow introduces proudly, and they briefly nuzzle, which brings back a smile on her face. She pointedly ignores the ‘aww’es at their display of affection.

Then the parents notice Spike, and for a moment, all attention is on him. “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Windy Whistles, and this is my husband, Bow Hothoof. We’re Rainbow Dash’s parents.”

They shake hands. “Pleasure to meet you. I’m Spike, Twilight’s personal assistant.” He introduces himself.

“I didn’t know dragons live with ponies.” Windy remarks curiously.

“They don’t usually. Spike is just very special.” Twilight says with a smile, causing him to grin. “Why don’t we all go inside? I haven’t had the chance to make tea yet, any preferences?” She asks conversationally, and they all make their way into the throne room.

“Oh, whatever you want, dear. We’re not picky.” Windy replies sweetly.

“This place is amazing!” Bow exclaims when they see it for the first time.

Spike offers to go take care of the tea, while the ponies get settled in.

Twilight, Rainbow and Fluttershy go to sit on their own designated cutie mark thrones, mostly out of habit. Tank joins Rainbow on hers, since there’s more than enough space for the two of them, and they both crave the closeness of each other.

“We brought you something!” Windy tells Rainbow excitedly, taking out a ginormous stack of sourdough bread, filled with pasta and potato, from a big brown lunch bag. “We know how much you love to carbo-load! They probably didn’t offer you much at the hospital.”

Her brain too busy trying to think of an excuse as to why she couldn’t possibly eat this right now (apart from the truth, of course), Dash just stares in absolute horror at what was once her favourite meal.

How ironic, the fact that she used to absolutely love carbs, and now she wishes more than anything that they got banned in all of Equestria.

Twilight tries to intervene, but Windy pushes the abomination right in front of Rainbow, urging her on. And to the friends’ surprise, she actually takes a (very hesitant) small bite, and doesn’t spit it back out, although it quickly becomes obvious to the alicorn that Rainbow was unlikely able to actually swallow it.

Then, right on time, Spike enters the room with a steaming teapot. Trying to be subtle, Twilight just fills everyone a cup, using a cooling spell on Rainbow’s so she wouldn’t burn herself. Dash takes the hint and uses the liquid to help her force down the food, so Twilight casually refills her cup again.

It reminds the alicorn that they really needed to work on the so called ‘fear foods’, to widen the variety of foods that Rainbow could handle eating. They still have a lot of work to do…

The parents remain completely oblivious to the utter chaos they have just caused, because now Rainbow has to simultaneously battle the torturing thoughts, control the nauseating urges to throw up, and yet somehow stay in the present and focus on the very stressful conversation they’re about to have.

The only thing keeping her somewhat grounded is Tank’s presence and the knowledge that her body is covered up.

Twilight teleports the tall sandwich over onto the kitchen counter, out of sight. “Let’s save this up for later, and get this meet-up started, shall we?” She asks kindly.

Rainbow takes the lead from there. “Mom, dad, first I want to apologise for the way I was acting. You were only trying to be supportive, so there was no need for me to yell at you. Nothing can excuse the way I treated you, and for that I am sorry.”

Her parents share a brief look, before smiling at their daughter. “Aww, you don’t have to apologise.” Windy waves her off.

Dash frowns. “Yes, I do. Because it wasn’t right, or fair, or respectful in any way, and you have every right to be mad at me.”

“We could never be mad at you!” Bow defends.

“We just love you soooo much!” Windy adds.

Twilight pointedly clears her throat. “Loving somepony doesn’t exclude feeling angry at something they do or say.” She lectures in a lighthearted manner.

“Oh yeah.” Spike agrees, throwing his big sister a knowing look. She smiles back apologetically.

“I want you to get to know me.” Rainbow tells her parents seriously.

She doesn’t quite get the reaction she’d expected.

Her parents start laughing, as if Dash just told them the funniest joke ever. “Oh, Dashie, of course we know you! You’re our daughter, honey.”

“Your daughter, who you didn’t even come see at the hospital.” Dash deadpans. She is admittedly a bit peeved that they hadn’t even bothered to come see her, especially after she learned just how close of a call it had been.

Windy waves her off. “When they said that they were taking you to the hospital, we knew you weren’t going to stay there for long.”

“And we were right, because we know our little Dashie.” Bow finishes proudly.

“Wha- bu- nnnhhhh-!” Rainbow stammers. “Fine, you knew that I would escape. But do you know why? Because I am not perfect.”

“Oh, don’t say that-” Windy argues, saddened that her daughter would say that about herself.

“I am not perfect! I make mistakes! Lots of them, even! Because everypony makes mistakes! I am not special!” Rainbow almost yells. “And that is fine!”

The room is filled with a stunned silence while Rainbow takes some deep breaths to calm down again.

“You raised me in a way that made me think that everything I do, no matter how small and insignificant, or even wrong, was the greatest thing ever. But that’s not how the world works! And I had to learn that the hard way, when I was at Flight Camp, because I utterly sucked at flying, and when I made mistake after mistake, and every time I crashed, there was no applause. There was laughter.” Rainbow recounts.
“I became the biggest laughingstock in Cloudsdale, and every time I placed last in a race, and you guys cheered louder than the parents of the first place winner, it just made everything ten times worse!”

Her friends are shocked, to say the least. Especially Twilight and Spike, who hadn’t been with Rainbow growing up like Fluttershy, could hardly believe their ears.

“We just thought… if you knew how great we thought you were, that nothing could ever bring you down.” Bow offers softly.

“I thought that our love would be enough.” Windy admits tearfully.

“Sorry to disappoint you.” Rainbow mumbles, looking down at Tank. She sighs. “My own friends had to teach me, repeatedly, that I was no better than anypony else, and that it’s okay to make mistakes. I still feel like I always have to prove myself, and that insecurity nearly cost my life, yesterday.”
She looks up at her parents, who were both tearing up and looking utterly distraught. “You never truly knew me, because I wouldn’t let you. Because you were only ever praising everything I did, so I always wanted to give you a reason to be proud of me, and I didn’t want to ever disappoint you…”

Windy sniffles, wiping away a tear. “Oh honey…”

Before they could completely burst into tears at her words (again), Rainbow smiles at them. “But… I have come a long way, you’re still my parents, I love you both very much, and I wouldn’t be where I am today, if it weren’t for you.”

She finds her friends nodding in agreement, and her parents were now spilling happy tears.

“I will forgive your mistakes, if you’ll forgive mine?” Rainbow offers sheepishly.

Her parents couldn’t take it anymore. They fly over to her and hug her from both sides.

Once the tension of the more serious conversation ebbed away, Twilight found herself just talking about Rainbow’s early years in life with her parents, and Rainbow was fighting a losing battle with her mind and stomach. She keeps carefully sipping her tea, in the vain hope that it would help.

Neither the tea, nor Tank (now fast asleep) were enough to keep the anxiety at bay. Rainbow just couldn’t believe she used to eat those carb bombs — sometimes every day. The thoughts were becoming more aggressive, invoking the fear that she was gaining weight for every second that the one bite remained in her stomach, which the organ was struggling a lot to try to digest.

She has long stopped listening to what the others were talking about, too busy freaking out and trying to stay seated and not run off to the bathroom. The panic was making her stomach hurt again, and she was starting to sweat and tremble from the effort it took to appear perfectly fine on the outside, whilst her mind and organs tore her apart on the inside.

Oh no. Fluttershy thinks, taking in the look of distress, the tightly clenched jaws, and the sweat trailing down her face. I know that look…
She unfolds her left wing without hesitation, her full attention now on her very unwell friend.

Spike sees the signal and pokes Twilight with a claw, who was so caught up in the conversation that she hadn’t noticed yet. He jerks his head in Fluttershy’s direction, and upon realisation, Twilight awkwardly starts with “oh, look at the time!” and makes up an excuse of falling behind on her royal duties.

Thankfully, Rainbow’s parents don’t question it and allow Spike to see them out.

“What’s wrong?” Twilight asks the second they’re alone, and both her and Fluttershy surround the cyan pegasus, who is now leaning on one of the arm rests with her front, as though she’d wanted to get up but gave up halfway through.

“We may need a bucket.” Fluttershy states worriedly, gently stroking the rainbow mane in what she hopes was comforting to Rainbow.

“What?” Twilight asks confused, but teleports an empty cleaning bucket to them.

Dash sees the new item and groans, screwing her eyes shut. She was obviously feeling unwell, and very probably in pain, from what Twilight could tell.

Fluttershy looks over to the alicorn, who is watching them with a concerned and lost expression. “It happened at Flight Camp. I wasn’t there when it happened, but the short version is that the bullies had dared Rainbow Dash to drink a jar filled with a rainbow.”

“They stole an empty jar from the canteen and filled it up from one of the rainbow waterfalls.” Rainbow elaborates.

“And you drank it?” Twilight asks dumbfounded, remembering Pinkie’s reaction to just taking a lick.

Dash nods with a wince. “The whole thing.” Somehow she manages to sound both proud and thoroughly ashamed at the same time.

“Rainbows are made from a lot of chemicals. You know, to make the colours vibrant and so they don’t just mix together into a brown mess. They’re just made for decorative purposes, and definitely not made for consumption.” Fluttershy says sternly, but doesn’t stop trying to comfort her. Rainbow only groans, visibly trembling in another wave of pain.
“So to keep young pegasus foals from eating them, they have to add very sharp spices, as Pinkie Pie found out when we were all in Cloudsdale.”

“Worst pain of my life.” Rainbow laments. She tries to take deep breaths as her heart races from the stress.

“It was awful.” Fluttershy agrees, turning back to Twilight. “I only met Rainbow afterwards, when she was trying to pretend that nothing was wrong... Until she couldn’t.” She looks down at the bucket. “She kept throwing up all day, couldn’t keep anything down. It was horrible.”

Rainbow still remembers that fateful day as though it just happened yesterday. The feeling of her throat and stomach being burned alive, and then the near constant vomiting that only made the pain ten times worse (but gave her the beginnings of some sweet abs).

Her horrible decision also had some lasting effects: her vocal cords never fully recovered from it, leaving her once clear voice the scratchy, cracking mess that everyone knows, and her stomach remains sensitive and prone to throwing up, to this day.

“Dumbest thing I’ve ever done.” Rainbow declares. Then she sees Twilight’s eyes narrowing and corrects, “okay, second dumbest thing I have ever done.”

“I tried to make her see the nurse, but she wasn’t having it.” Fluttershy grumbles. She had been the only one who had tried to help, spending the majority of that day with Dash in the bathroom, trying to comfort the younger filly and get her hydrated, but repeatedly failing to do so.
She hadn’t known what else to do, and simply couldn’t bring herself to leave Rainbow by herself for however long it would have taken to tell a teacher or find the nurse. Young and naive, she had honestly thought that Rainbow would die if she left the room.

By the end of the day, Dash had become scared that she might die because of this. She had been dehydrated and in horrible pain, and just when she caught sight of the Camp’s nurse and made to go to her, her parents had arrived, eliminating her chance then and there.
Fluttershy told them that Rainbow drank from a rainbow because of a dare, when they questioned why she sounded so hoarse. But instead of being concerned by it, they happily declared her “the toughest, most daring pony”, and the young, suffering Rainbow Dash decided in that moment that she couldn’t disappoint her parents by informing them of how she truly felt. She had to live up to their expectations of her.

Twilight sighs. “It’s truly a miracle that you’re still alive.”

“Sorry…” Dash genuinely apologises, then suddenly grimaces and grabs hold of the bucket. Not a second later, she was painfully throwing up what little she’d ingested from the carb sandwich.

Author's Note

Don’t ask me how in the world I come up with these backstory headcanons. I literally got the rainbow 🌈 idea whilst taking a bath 😅

And thanks so much for over 500 hits :pinkiegasp: :heart:
I didn’t expect so many people to still be active on here, much less be interested in such a topic!

Chapter 33 Author's Note

Just a quick warning: the topic of suicide is briefly mentioned in this chapter.

Chapter 33

It took a bit over an hour, but things eventually calmed down enough for Rainbow to fall asleep, once again cuddled up to Tank.

“I feel like I should look into ailments and symptoms curing spell books… or maybe Zecora has some tincture that might help.” Twilight tells Fluttershy as they walk back to the throne room. “I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t scary.” She sighs softly. “I just hope this won’t set us back too much…”

They take to their respective chairs out of habit, talking more freely with the doors closed.

“Rainbow has been through such… um.. ‘episodes’ many times when we were younger. She should be fine once she’s slept it off.” Fluttershy reassures her, though Twilight isn’t sure if the knowledge of that first bit is doing more of the opposite.

“Every time she got very nervous? Before performances and such?” The alicorn asks.

The pegasus nods.

“So that’s why she doesn’t eat on those days.” Twilight concludes. ‘My stomach hurts.’ Why didn’t she just tell me that this is the full extend of her ‘nervous stomach’? She wonders.

Fluttershy grimaces, understanding where Twilight is going with this. “Let’s just say that she knows how to prevent these episodes — for the most part, anyways. Although it’s never happened just because of something she ate, before…” She realises thoughtfully.

“I’m still trying to figure out when exactly she developed the eating disorder, and how it progressed.” Twilight says, looking up at the memory chandelier for a moment.
More importantly though, she’s trying to figure out at what point during their friendship it became utterly obvious, what signs she’d missed and for how long. She still couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d let down her friend. That maybe she could have prevented it.

Fluttershy thinks back to her fillyhood years. “Well, she always had a sort of plan on what she’d eat. You know how other fillies and colts are mostly into sweets and candy and just eat whatever tastes good? Dash was more picky, or at least that’s what the adults always said. A picky eater. She wanted to become an athlete, even before she had her cutie mark. And she knew that athletes were on special diets, although back then she thought that that mostly consisted of carbs.” She can’t help but giggle.

Twilight is honestly surprised to hear that Dash had been aware of diets — a selective way of eating — at such a young age. If she tries to think back to her own self at that age, she definitely hadn’t thought twice about food. Her parents made sure she always ate her vegetables, and that had been it.
The comment about the carbs reminds her of the ‘sandwich’ that is still sitting on the kitchen counter. To be honest, Twilight is mad at its very existence, if only because of what it has put Rainbow through today.

“At what point were you aware that she was restric- I mean, wasn’t eating before performances and competitions?” She asks her pegasus friend.

Fluttershy hums in thought for a moment. “There’s one moment that springs to mind. It was at Flight School, and we had to perform a little flight show at the end of the year. You know, just for the parents. It was so easy that even I got through it without problems, Rainbow would probably laugh at what we had to do back then.
But I still remember that morning. We had our usual classes like always, the show was only in the afternoon. Rainbow wasn’t showing up, so after first period, I went looking for her. She was throwing up in the bathroom, the same way you saw earlier.”

Twilight automatically throws Rainbow’s empty throne a glance. She could still picture her shaking, sweating form draped over the side.

Fluttershy continues. “I offered to get someone to help, but she wasn’t having it. Normally she just doesn’t want to be alone when she gets so sick, but not that morning. She was mad- absolutely furious at herself, for eating breakfast. Kept saying how stupid she was and that she’ll mess up and ruin our performance later, and she’ll be ‘Rainbow Crash’ for the rest of her life.”
She sighs sadly.
“Nothing I said made a difference. I may as well have been talking to a wall. I’d never seen her this closed off and stuck in her own thoughts before, and I didn’t know what to do. We then made it to class, and instead of Rainbow telling our teacher that she’d been ill, she just apologised for being late and we still got told off.”

Twilight knows that her shy friend wouldn’t have spoken up, if they got a scolding for being late. She may have gotten more assertive nowadays, and the alicorn can only imagine how shy the pegasus must have been growing up.

“Then at lunch break, I saw her throw away her food, and when she noticed that I saw what she did, she asked me not to tell anypony about it, and that she knew what she was doing.” Fluttershy finishes, eyes downcast at the memory.

Twilight is momentarily stunned by this information, and her heart aches at the idea of a young Rainbow Dash being so upset at something that wasn’t her fault, and making such a decision.
“Did she make it through the show alright?” She asks almost anxiously.

“Oh yeah, she was great. Absolutely stole the show, even. Not that I minded.” Fluttershy smiles sheepishly, hiding a bit behind her mane. “I didn’t see her afterwards, though. But she was perfectly fine and eating normally again the next time we had school — or, well, what was her normal —, so I never really thought about it anymore.”
Then, a horrible thought occurs.
“Actually… I never saw her eat anything before our flight tests. But I was mostly too busy freaking out about them, myself, to really pay attention…” She admits, ashamed. She looks over at Twilight with distraught eyes, almost begging for forgiveness for letting down their friend. “I’m so sorry, Twilight. We never really talked about it, and if she wasn’t eating, she never told me, probably because she had to help me calm down so often…”

Twilight had thought that getting more hints towards a timeline would help her understand it better, but all it does is make her feel even more distraught at her friend’s silent, hidden, ignored, unseen, decades-long suffering.

She wants to hug Rainbow until all the unspoken hurt, that she seems to be carrying since she was so very young, is gone.

She feels her eyes stinging with unshed tears at the thought that they would probably never separate again if that were possible.

“Twilight..?” Spike asks softly as he enters the study. The alicorn has lost herself in her books once again, but there’s a sad heaviness seemingly hanging above her as she wordlessly writes spells and notes on a list.

At the sound of his voice, she seems to snap into alertness, immediately turning around to him. “What’s wrong? Is she sick again? Because I think I found a spell-”

“Uh, no, she was still asleep when I checked her room on the way here. But, uhm… I think we might have a problem.” He replies, coming to her side and placing the newspaper in front of her on her desk, the column about Rainbow Dash on the front page facing up.

Twilight briefly scans the page, then sighs deeply. “Seriously? They make it sound like she did it on purpose-” She pauses, a horrible suspicion hitting her. “They think she did it on purpose…”

Spike frowns, trying to follow her thought process. “You mean, like, suicide?”

Twilight reads the text again. “-Nearly crashed into the large audience in a very likely fatal manner, had it not been for the Princesses’ combined efforts to break her fall and stop a tragic event from occurring. The exact circumstances are currently unknown, but ponies are wondering if the awe-inducing final part of the show might have been a more planned ‘exit’. Who are these ‘ponies’?! How can they even assume-?!”

“It’s all just speculation, and you know they always have to add more drama in these front page articles.” Spike tries to reason, although he’s just as upset at some rumour-starting pony putting out such nonsense for the whole town to read.

Twilight levitates the newspaper above the trash bin, then casts a spell to ignite it. It bursts into flames immediately, leaving only black ash falling into the bin.

“Uhm, Twi…? What are we going to tell her?” Spike asks.

“Nothing.”

“But-”

Twilight sighs. “She’s not going to leave the castle anytime soon. Everypony will have forgotten all about it in a few days. I’m not going to have her freak out about this nonsense on top of everything else. We need a stable environment until we find ways for Rainbow to handle stress without causing herself harm.”

Spike just stands there for a while, watching the alicorn get back to her spell studies. Eventually he decides that he would check on Dash again, only muttering a quiet, “I just hope you’re right”, to himself.

Meanwhile…

Crowds have always been a struggle for Fluttershy, but this really takes the cake. It was as if all stage lights were pointed directly at herself, only that she’d simply tried to get through town hall and back to her cottage, to see what new trouble Zephyr had managed to stir up while she was with Twilight and Rainbow.

A lot of ponies keep asking her about how Rainbow Dash is doing, but a surprising number is not asking that question in a worried manner, but an angry, sarcastic one. She even overhears some ponies muttering something about ‘the coward hiding away in the castle’.

What in ponies name is going on?

Unfortunately, Fluttershy soon finds the answer to that question. She barely manages to calm down her animals, which are seemingly running amok and knocking down furniture and decorations, all while her good for nothing brother is lounging on her couch.

“Zephyr, why are the animals so upset?” She demands angrily, but instead of him making up some sort of excuse, he shoves a newspaper in her face.

“They threw me out, and still used my photo! Can you bel-lieve it?!” He exclaims haughtily.

Fluttershy only glimpses at the paper for a moment, seeing the photograph and title, and throws her brother a murderous glare. “You took pictures of her?! Why?!”

Zephyr huffs. “You wanted me to get a job, so I did! They told me that they wanted me to take some, and I quote, ‘juicy pictures’, so of course I did the only-”

He never got to finish that sentence.

Chapter 34

True to Fluttershy’s word, Rainbow was doing better after sleeping for a few hours. When she was awake again, Twilight helped her with taking a much needed shower — once again with the lights as good as turned off, since she still couldn’t handle the sight of her own body. This also means that Rainbow is now sporting another one of Rarity’s designed outfits to be able to cope.

But both Twilight and Rainbow felt the tension once they were all back together for the next meal.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you get sick like that? I can’t help if I don’t know what’s going on.” Twilight starts.

“Neither did I.” Rainbow replies pointedly, her voice still weak and scratchy.

Twilight blinks. “…what do you mean?”

“What I mean is that that hasn’t happenedbefore. When I told you that I only get stomachaches, I really meant it. That, earlier, completely caught me off guard, too.” Rainbow defends, her voice cracking more times than it stays stable.

That’s when Twilight remembers Fluttershy remarking that it’s never happened solely because of food before.
This… was bad. A bad development. And hopefully not a recurring one, because if it is, then they’re really, truly screwed.

For weeks, Twilight had feared that Rainbow would decide to take drastic measures, like she’d read in her book. But she never thought that Dash’s own body could prevent her from recovering.

And from the looks of it, the pegasus seems just as scared as Twilight feels.

“Today was just too much.” The alicorn repeats her earlier statement.

“Maybe…” Rainbow mumbles, but in her head, she’s afraid that her own, stupid decision with the dare from decades ago, is now going to ruin all the progress they’ve made. Her growing distrust in her own body is not helping her feel positive about this whole recovery thing.

It was bad enough that she still gets sick when she’s under a lot of stress. But because of a small bite of something she used to love, and used to eat every day? It feels like a sick joke.

“I had it under control.” Dash grumbles angrily, and Twilight realises what this is really about.

Dash ‘figuring out how to prevent it from happening’, was actually more so her rebellion, a way to reclaim control. In more ways than one.

“Right…” Because you’ve been restricting for Celestia knows how many years now.

She didn’t have to say it out loud. Rainbow knows exactly what the alicorn is getting at.
“Can you blame me? For doing the one thing that works?” She challenges.

Twilight sighs. “No. You just did the best you could, with the knowledge you had. I just don’t like how quickly it escalated, earlier. Or that it returned, in the first place.”

“Yeah… Me either…” Rainbow mumbles. She finally turns her attention to the food in front of her, visibly debating. It’s a simple carrot soup, which should be easy on her stomach.

Twilight notices the look of apprehension on her face. “…do you think you can handle it? I figured that soup would be better for now, but I won’t force you if you still feel ill.”

“It should be fine.” Rainbow replies, though she doesn’t sound very convincing. “There’s still some nausea, but I think it’s just because I’m-….” she hesitates for a moment, “..hungry.” She admits, before awkwardly clearing her throat. “My throat’s just a bit sore.”

“Well, if you do feel like you’re going to get sick again, I found a spell that we can try.” Twilight reassures her.

The next morning, Rainbow is surprised to see a chocolate chip cookie with her breakfast serving.

“Uhm… what is that?” She asks curiously.

“A cookie.” Spike replies cheerfully, eating one of the cookies himself while reading a comic book.

“Yeah I got that, but why-”

“We have to get you used to more foods.” Twilight supplies, entering the room.

Rainbow frowns. “Really? Cookies for breakfast? What’s next, cotton candy for lunch?” She deadpans, sounding unimpressed. On the inside, a newfound anxiety was slowly building up at the very idea of having to eat something so sugary so early.

Twilight throws her a stern look for a moment, until she realises that Dash is just deflecting. “No. We want to build up on food freedom, not turn you into another Pinkie Pie.”

“Food freedom?” Dash raises a dumbfounded eyebrow.

“You’ve been eating the same things every day, for months now. I’m surprised you’re not sick of that, at this point.” Twilight points out.

“I don’t mind. It’s… safe.” Rainbow offers, for lack of a better word. She knows what to expect from the meals and daily snacks. She knows that they’re not going to make her gain a ton of weight. She can almost eat them without wanting to rip her hair and feathers out afterwards.

“And that’s part of the problem. My meal plans have become the only safe foods you’ll accept. You can’t go the rest of your life eating the same things every single day.” Twilight elaborates.

“Why not? They give me everything I need. You calculated everything, down to the smallest details.” Rainbow argues.

Twilight sighs. “This isn’t just about nutrition. What if we have to go on a mission, on the other side of Equestria?”

“Then I’ll just pack the-… okay, I see.” Rainbow says, quickly realising that the way they’ve been doing this whole recovery thing is not exactly how it works out in the world. She looks at the cookie again, still grimacing at the thought of eating it. Her mind is telling her a solid No. It’s not allowed.

“Complete food freedom is the end goal for a full recovery. Being able to eat whatever you want, whenever you want it, is what we’re striving for.”

“That sounds impossible.” Rainbow says in a high pitched voice. Then she startles when there’s a sudden THONK! of an object being thrown against one of the windows. “What in the-”

More things are being thrown, and they could hear angry shouting of many ponies yelling over one another, making it impossible to make out individual voices.

They all get up and check, only to find an angry mob right outside the castle, flinging rocks and what looks like newspapers at the windows.

“What is going on out there?!” Dash exclaims, ducking out of instinct when another object hits the glass, right in front of her face.

Spike throws Twilight a glare and goes against her wishes. “You’re.. kinda the talk of the town.”

“Spike!” Twilight protests.

“She would have heard about it one way or another! And with what’s happening outside, we owe her an explanation!”

Rainbow frowns at her friends, and dares another glance outside. “I don’t understand. Why are they so mad?”

“Honestly.. I’m not sure. They must have written more garbage in today’s paper.” Spike offers helplessly.

Before they could react, Rainbow gallops through the castle and to the front doors, where thankfully she doesn’t get instantly run over, due to the angry ponies surrounding the right hand side.

She picks up the newspaper with a hoof, inspecting it until she finds an unmistakable picture of herself, and for a moment, everything pauses as she stares at her picture.

She understands now, why ponies say that the camera adds ten pounds. In her mind, it may as well have added a hundred. She couldn’t see even a hint of her ribs, and her toned abs may as well not even exist.

No wonder they all hate her. This just proves that she’s not Wonderbolt material, and she never will be. Ruining the show like she did, is just the cherry on top.

She hasn’t even managed to read the title, or even a single word on the entire page, before someone shouts “there she is!” and the angry mob comes running to her, and this time, she could make out what they were saying.

“You’re a disgrace!”

“Selfish brute!”

“And you call yourself a ‘friend’!”

“You’re no better than us!”

“Some ‘hero’ you are!”

“I always knew she was trouble!”

“She can’t even fly right!”

“Rainbow Crash!”

“We don’t want you here!”

“Go back to Cloudsdale!”

Instead of fleeing, Rainbow stays perfectly still, her ears pinned back when she looks at the many scowls. “I’m sorry, everypony.” She says in a broken voice, fighting back tears. The ponies who heard her, pause in their accusations and just look confused.

Before it could get any worse, Twilight grunts from the effort of creating a force field that shuts the other ponies out and pushes them back, as well as moving Rainbow inside with her magic, and shuts the doors.

“Rainbow…” Twilight starts when she gets her breath back, but doesn’t know what to even say. The pegasus is just standing there with her back to the others, ears back, head hanging low, refusing to look at anyone.

Spike puts a hand on Dash’s shoulder. “Don’t listen to them. Most of them don’t even know what they’re talking about.”

“They’re all wrong.” Twilight says matter of factly, stepping next to her. “They-”

“No… they’re right…” Rainbow barely manages to whisper, her eyes still not leaving that god-forsaken picture, which now contains blurry circles of smeared, bleeding ink from her tears landing directly on it. “They have every right to hate me…”

“No-one hates you!” Twilight argues. “These ponies just have nothing better to do than to stir up drama.” She grumbles. This is definitely not the first time that the town’s ponies have turned against the Elements of Harmony, although they have never been this cruel to just one of them before.

“And I did a good job at giving them a reason for it.” Dash grumbles before walking off to her room.

Twilight just sighs in frustration at the whole situation. She doesn’t follow the pegasus, indecisive on what to do and what she could even say right now.

“Twilight…” Spike speaks up, reading today’s lies and accusations.

The alicorn notices. “Oh, what now?” She asks anxiously.

“They’re saying that you guys had a fight right before the show, and Dash tried to attack the crowds because of it.” Spike summarises, cringing at the very idea.

Twilight facepalms. “Are you kidding me?”

Spike shakes his head, reading on. “And the way no one has seen her since, they’re seeing it as proof that she’s guilty and too cowardly to face anypony.”

“First they say she tried to kill herself, now she tried to kill half the town?” Twilight asks mockingly in utter disbelief. “Do any of them actually know us? I mean, hello?! We only saved their ungrateful flanks a hundred times!”

“Maybe we should all move to the Crystal Empire. At least there, no pony would ever accuse the friends of Spike, the Brave and Glorious of something like this.” Spike remarks ruefully, pointing to the newspaper.

Twilight doesn’t laugh, or react to his joke at all. She just walks past him, down the corridor to Dash’s room. She only opens the door an inch when she hears the pegasus talking to herself- no, talking to Tank.

“-just can’t stop ruining everything, apparently. And now the whole town hates me.” She sighs. “I don’t know why I still bother…” she admits, before breaking down in quiet sobs.

Twilight debates going inside, but then Rainbow speaks again.

“I know… I love you too, bud… *sniff* I don’t know how I’m supposed to make it through winter without you.” Her broken voice half-whispers in a high pitch. “Hm? Where are you going?”

A moment later, Twilight hears the magical propeller coming closer, until Tank’s shell bumps into the door, shutting the door and hitting the alicorn in the muzzle. “Ow-!” She cries out before she could stop herself.

“Twilight?” Rainbow calls, sniffling for a moment as she tries to rub her eyes dry.

Now that her cover is blown, the alicorn opens the door and comes inside. “Even if all of Equestria hated you, you would still have all of us. What happened was not your fault, and one day they’ll realise how stupid they were for believing everything they read.”

“I never should have become a Wonderbolt.” Rainbow says, completely convinced of that.

Just hearing her say that, makes Twilight feel like she just got hit with a powerful spell right to the heart.

“Of course you should have! What makes you say that?” Twilight asks, jumping next to Rainbow, up on the bed. Her heart feels even more broken when the pegasus leans away from her, just to put distance between them.

“Haven’t I messed up enough?” Dash asks, glaring at her friend, because Twilight has personally witnessed many of her failures. Tank manages to fly back onto her lap, offering the emotional support through physical contact that Dash has refused from Twilight.

“And you think I haven’t?!” Twilight asks her in reply, flaring her wings. “How many times have my mistakes almost caused a war to break out? Does that mean I shouldn’t be a princess?”

“You gotta admit, that’s a lot worse than messing up at a show.” Spike remarks from the doorway. No one knows how long he’s been there, listening to them. Apparently, eavesdropping seems to run in the family.

Twilight only rolls her eyes, knowing that he doesn’t mean it in a bad way. “The point is: I’ve endangered many lives by making the wrong decisions, or not having all the answers. But we always found a way to make things right, and defeat evil kings and queens.”

“Did they ever write lies about you, and form angry mobs because of it?” Rainbow asks in a flat tone.

Twilight sighs. “If it doesn’t stop, then we’ll pay the writers a personal visit.” She promises darkly. “But for now, we have breakfast waiting.” Before Rainbow could complain, she looks at the pegasus pointedly, telling her, “don’t think that I’ll let you starve yourself because you’re upset,” before getting up and trotting out of the room. Maybe it’s a bit harsh, but she does not want another relapse, just because other ponies believe the most ridiculous lies.

Rainbow sighs in defeat. She’d completely forgotten about breakfast, and knowing what she really looks like under the clothes that cover her body, thanks to the picture, she isn’t sure she even wants to eat anything anymore.

Spike comes over to her front, holding up the necklace that Twilight had made for her.

She looks at it in surprise, not having seen it since the Summer Sun Celebration. “Where did you get that?” Dash asks, gently taking the meaningful accessory from his claws.

“Twilight was hiding it in a small chest in her room. She thinks that it’s what gave you the idea for the Sonic Rainboom, so she blames herself for what happened.” Spike explains. The distraught alicorn had spent a long time telling her friends how she was blaming herself, while they waited in the hospital waiting room for some news on the unconscious Rainbow Dash.

All of their attempts to make her see reason have failed. Spike is sure that the only pony she will finally listen to, is Rainbow Dash herself.

“What?” Rainbow’s eyes widen. “No, it wasn’t.” She looks down at the image in the crystal. After a lifetime of being bullied, ridiculed, called names, and getting unwanted attention from a certain pegasus, one would assume that she’d be used to the way the town’s ponies are treating her right now.

Then, determination fills her, and she puts the necklace around her neck, hiding it underneath the clothes so Twilight wouldn’t know.

This is just like that day at the Best Young Flier’s Competition. Ponies trying to bring her down, but she’d shown them all.
She will show them all how wrong they are.

Spike grins when he sees her confidence returning.

Rainbow throws the dragon a grateful smile, before jumping off the bed. She may not face the crowds right now, but she has a challenge she needs to tackle for now, waiting for her in the dining room.

Come on. I’m Rainbow Danger Dash. I have defeated enemies, saved Equestria, became a Wonderbolt, and pulled off a number of Sonic Rainbooms in my life.
I can damn well eat a little cookie. She tells herself as she trots through the hallway.

Twilight is positively surprised to see the pegasus practically strutting in proud strides to her spot. When Spike comes inside, she raises an eyebrow at him. “What did you do? She was in tears a moment ago.” She whispers in confused awe.

“Let’s just say I gave her a little… confidence boost.” Spike offers cryptically.

They’re interrupted by Rainbow suddenly spitting out the bite she took from her cookie, coughing like she’s choking, looking just as alarmed as the others.

Never mind…

Instead of getting upset at her sudden failure, Rainbow simply closes her eyes as she takes a deep breath, feeling the crystal pressing slightly against the front of her chest. When she opens her eyes again, finding the concerned faces of her friends watching her, she offers a calm but confident “I’ll get there.”

Chapter 35

Three days pass.

Rainbow brings Tank with her to most meals — provided that he’s awake at the time. While Twilight wasn’t happy about critters in the kitchen at first, and assuming that Dash was just being a bit obsessive about spending time with her pet, the tortoise’s presence has an undeniable calming effect on the pegasus.

There is no dreading or fearful look in her eyes when presented with food, and she doesn’t withdraw as much afterwards. Where she would usually hide away in her room, refusing to talk to anyone besides listening to the taunts and threats in her head, she now remains in the ‘torture chamber’ aka the dining room, simply watching him eat or helping clean up the dishes.

If she’s being honest, before she’d borne witness to Rainbow practically falling apart at her first separation from the tortoise, Twilight never would have thought it possible to be so attached and have such a deep connection to a pet reptile. To her, all those scaly creatures were more or less the same, and since she’s absolutely not a fan of snakes, and Gummy quite frankly freaks her out, she never dreamed that she would one day entertain even just the thought of a pony caring so much about them. (With the obvious exception of Fluttershy, who loves all creatures, anyways, and whatever weird psychic connection Pinkie apparently has with Gummy.)

Sure, the pegasus is the Element of Loyalty, and sure, Tank is her first own pet, and yes, Tank has shown his own loyalty when he’d saved her from that avalanche. But to go to such lengths as to try to stop winter from happening, just so she wouldn’t have to be alone?

Twilight hadn’t been too open about the idea of forming such deep connections with a reptile. She had judged her, because she’d honestly thought that Dash was over-exaggerating when she finally broke down in seemingly never ending tears, and thus had just stayed back, letting the others try to comfort the obviously distraught pegasus. Or, well, cry with her, as it had turned out.

Her change of heart only happened afterwards, when she’d thought it through in peace, and realised that Rainbow’s connection to Tank was somewhat like her own was with Spike. She hadn’t let her dragon brother go to the Dragon Lands by himself a single time, and could never bear to entertain the thought of him one day leaving her, so really, who was she to judge?

When the time had finally come for Dash to say goodbye to Tank, Twilight was a lot more understanding. She didn’t judge her for the new, brief round of fresh tears.

The alicorn then saw her friend spending time at his hibernation spot every day, until a week later, the pegasus started asking her if she could hang out with the alicorn. Those daily visits then became sleepovers, until Twilight offered to just let Dash live with her and Spike until spring.

Twilight fears what his loss would do to her this time, as she watches the pegasus laughing and running from the flying tortoise and Spike, in what she assumes is a game of chase. The pegasus is oddly active and in good spirits, despite not being able to fly yet.

Her eyes narrow suspiciously. A bit too active and good-spirited, actually, especially compared to the last time her pegasus magic was low. She’s not going to question it right now, though. She decides to let them have fun, and go relax in a hot bath for a while. That’s what they all could use, after all the stress lately.

The situation in Ponyville is slowly dying down, with no new lies being produced or believed — they aren’t sure which it is, since Twilight still keeps the forcefield up, so along with no new angry mob, no mail ever reaches their doorstep.

This doesn’t mean that Rainbow is keen on leaving the safety of the castle anytime soon. If she didn’t know any better, she’d say that her lifelong friend is finally rubbing off on her, seemingly turning her into another Fluttershy.

Twilight has disappeared into her study, going through her calculations for the tenth time in the past hour, always adjusting measurements and formulas. It was proving more difficult than she’d anticipated, trying to figure out the correct adjustments for the perfect amount of total calories, percentages of protein, fibre, all the needed vitamins, and also splitting it into three meals and two snacks.

This, plus the unknown factors of unplanned snacks, like cupcakes, or cake, especially at parties, and the exercise she’s going to get from training as a Wonderbolt, is giving her a headache.

With Dash’s metabolic rate having been slowed down and close to her own, thanks to Celestia’s pills, everything had been a lot easier when it came to these calculations. But trying to figure out the right numbers for Rainbow’s normal, very fast pegasus-athlete metabolism, is proving to be close to impossible.

The reason for all of this? She’s planning on weaning Rainbow off the metabolic pills in the near future, and she knows that if she makes a mistake in her calculations, she could cause Rainbow to unknowingly starve herself again, accepting her needs not being met as the way it’s supposed to be, and cause a relapse.

On the other hand, if she raises the total calories too high, and Rainbow slowly gains weight for an extended period of time, until she doesn’t fit into her suit again, then….

Twilight shakes her head with a sigh and erases her last calculation from the blackboard. “Doomed if I do, doomed if I don’t. I have to get this right…” She scolds herself in frustration.

“Get what right?” A very familiar voice startles her half to death. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you, but you weren’t answering when I knocked on the door.” Rainbow explains apologetically, standing behind the alicorn. She steps closer to the blackboard, eyeing the many smudged and erased numbers and calculations on the board. The pegasus is once again sporting Rarity’s outfits, still preferring to be covered up, and honestly kind of getting used to it. “What are you doing, anyways?”

In response, Twilight stands upright in front of it, spreading her forelegs and wings to block it from view with a distressed noise.

Rainbow rolls her eyes. “Twilight, I’ve been standing here watching you mumbling to yourself for like ten minutes.”

“….oh.” Twilight goes back down on all fours, folding her wings.

“I know that I’m not exactly the brightest, when it comes to… school stuff. But I know a thing or two about nutrition, especially in athletes.” Rainbow tells her matter of factly, having been able to figure out that much, simply from what she’d seen written and Twilight’s reaction.

“How do you know I was- urgh, never mind.” Twilight grumbles. “I don’t want you to see this stuff.” She hisses.

Dash raises a confused eyebrow “Why not? I might be able to help.”

“It’s numbers.”

“No, really.” Dash deadpans, utterly unimpressed.

Twilight frowns. “They could be triggering.”

“Oh please! I know every number of grams and percentages of what’s in the meals and snacks you’re giving me. And that hasn’t made me worse, now has it.” Rainbow declares, then immediately regrets opening her mouth.

“You what?!” Twilight shrieks. “Don’t tell me you could calculate all of that? This whole time?”

Dash snorts. “No, I’m not that clever.”

“Then how-”

“Honestly, Twilight. If you don’t want me to find out about something, you should really learn to lock them away.” Rainbow says seriously, gesturing to the unlocked door and the blackboard for emphasis.

Twilight stares at her with her mouth hanging open for a moment. “You broke into my room?”

“It’s not breaking and entering if the door’s open.” Rainbow defends.

“That’s not- you- why would- how-” Twilight lets out a frustrated yell. “Never mind! Why did you even look for it, then?” She challenges.

Rainbow chuckles guiltily, realising at once that she’s been caught. She sighs. “Okay, fine... I was looking for them ages ago, because I wanted to see what you thought I would need.”

Twilight raises an eyebrow. “You do know that those first results I got were much lower compared to now, because we had to start with much smaller portions, to not overwhelm your body?”
Not to mention that Dash still hadn’t managed to finish most of those portions, anyways.

“Duh.” Rainbow waves her off. “It might come as a surprise to you, but I do know how to count calories. I can more or less estimate how many are in what edibles and even entire meals, and I have somewhat of an idea of how high I need to get each day to meet my caloric needs,… or when I have to stop, to prevent going over…” she mumbles. “Or at least I thought I knew that…” She looks away, glaring at the wall, still frustrated about her failure to make sure she stayed lean as always, which had made it so she hadn’t fit into the suit with the same exact measurements she once had.

Twilight is shocked to learn that Rainbow is way more aware than she’d thought, and had apparently more mental rules around her food intake than Twilight has learned about until now.
She looks at a red apple over on her desk, which she’d brought with her in case she got peckish, but hadn’t touched yet.

She has to test this.

She levitates the apple into her hoof, holding it up. It was a pretty large one, so it was definitely more than the averaging 70 calories that her books say, possibly higher than 100, even.

“What would you say how many calories this apple has?” The alicorn asks curiously.

Rainbow takes a calculating look, inspecting it from all sides, and even takes it from her to estimate its weight. “Could be up to 120, if you ate all of it. I’m guessing something like 100-110 without the core.”
She gives it back to the alicorn.

“Impressive.” Twilight remarks, truly impressed. “But also a bit worrying…”

“Why?” Dash asks. “I’m an athlete, I have to know what goes into my body. If I just ate aimlessly, without any plans in mind, how would I ever make any progress?”

“And knowing that this apple has over a hundred calories, would you still eat it?” Twilight asks curiously, holding the fruit a bit higher.

Rainbow grimaces at the thought. “No. At least not all of it. More like, half, at most.”

Wordlessly, Twilight splits the apple into two perfect halves with her magic, levitating one half to the pegasus.

“I didn’t say I want to eat it now-” Rainbow tries to reject it, but ends up accepting it with a sigh. However, she doesn’t take a bite until Twilight, herself, starts eating her own share. She’s still struggling with eating something, if whoever is with her isn’t eating as well.

“Maybe you really can help me with this.” Twilight suddenly says, turning back to the blackboard and grabbing a piece of chalk with her magic while she eats.

“Sure, in what way?” Rainbow asks, secretly debating on using the moment of Twilight being distracted as the perfect opportunity to hide the rest of her apple somewhere, just so she wouldn’t have to eat those extra calories and add them to her tally.

Come to think of it, she hasn’t strictly counted calories in weeks. She’d become used to the prepared meals being always the same, where it hadn’t been necessary to count the same numbers over and over again.

But they’ve made the portions slightly larger again, and now with the added ~~stressor~~- bonus of one unhealthy treat per day--

“What was your usual average of calories per day, before you became a Wonderbolt?” Twilight asks curiously, breaking her out of her thoughts. Hopefully, an insight like this could help her figure out the right amounts that Rainbow would need without the pills.

“Like… 2300 to 3000, depending on how much I was flying and training and stuff.” Rainbow replies, still knowing the numbers by heart.

Whenever she’d (unknowingly) restricted by just not bothering to eat her regular meals, she’d made sure to fill up on her needed protein and calories before the day was over. But she also didn’t mind it too much if she’d stayed below her average calorie intake, sometimes, she suddenly remembers with a cold realisation.

As she absentmindedly watches Twilight write the numbers on the blackboard, her brain does the calculations without being prompted to.

She’s been eating roughly around that same range for a good couple of weeks now. A heavy pit suddenly forms in her stomach when her brain reminds her that those numbers had been her average at her normal metabolic rate, with hours of exercise involved.

She still takes another bite from her apple on autopilot as the full realisation hits, and for some reason, it no longer tasted as sweet and juicy as before. In fact, it suddenly didn’t taste like something made for consumption at all, and the urge to spit it back out suddenly hits and overcomes her like flying at high speed into an invisible wall.

The sole reason for this sudden full-body rejection, was the fact that she was already at 2000 kcals for today, give or take, plus the half of a cookie that she’d managed to get down today, and she isn’t exercising at all.

Of course she isn’t exercising, she couldn’t even fly around!

And with a dinner of around 500-600 calories still to be had, plus her second snack before bed — which means that her daily allowance is going to be massively surpassed — means that every added calorie from that stupid apple is now causing an intense panic to overtake her.

That, and the stupid picture of herself is still practically burned into her mind, adding fuel to the fire of not deserving to eat this much if she’s already out of shape and looking the way she is.

She drops the rest of her apple on the floor in her rush to get to the closest bathroom, but she barely even gets out of the study before retching and coughing up everything in her stomach relentlessly for many long, painful minutes.

Twilight is with her right away, cleaning up the mess, and with Dash’s permission, she casts the spell she’s learned recently. They wait a few minutes in anticipation, to see if it worked.

Rainbow doesn’t throw up again.

“Did it work?” Twilight asks nervously when Rainbow dares to get back on her hooves.

“I think so…” Dash replies, wincing when her throat feels like it’s been torn to shreds, then doused in acid. But her stomach has stopped cramping, and the nausea is still slowly going away.

“What happened?” Twilight asks anxiously. “The last time this happened was because of that ‘carb bomb’, which was understandable. But it was just an apple this time.”

“It was too much.” Rainbow starts, then winces and uselessly massages her throat.

“Too much what?” Twilight presses on, not understanding.

“Calories.” Rainbow forces out before coughing, which definitely does not help with her throat.

Twilight sighs. “I knew it was too triggering.” She curses herself for being so foolish. The book repeatedly states that any numbers or comments regarding calories and weight are to be avoided at all cost, and now here they are, because Twilight allowed Dash to persuade her.

“Don’t blame yourself.” Rainbow rasps, trying to clear her throat. “You’re not to blame for the decisions I make.” She pulls something out from under the neckline of her outfit.
The necklace, which Twilight had definitely hidden away in her room.

Instead of going back to her accusations of breaking and entering, Twilight only stares at the accessory in surprise.

“Spike gave it to me. He told me that you’re blaming yourself for giving me the idiotic idea to pull off a Sonic Rainboom. That’s the reason I came to talk to you, earlier.” She sighs. “I planned the Sonic Rainboom long before you made this. In fact: if anything, you’re the reason I almost didn’t go through with it.” Rainbow explains urgently.

Twilight blinks, taken aback by this sudden change of direction. “I don’t- huh? What do you mean, I’m the reason you wouldn’t have done it?”

Rainbow sighs, dropping the hoof that’s held up the crystal. “You wanted me to stop pushing myself when I was at my limit... I felt off- really off, after the first part of the show, so I tried to take your advice. I would have only flown the second show normally and just be done with it.” She confesses. “To be honest, I might have even not done the second show at all, if you had told me to stop. I knew that something was wrong, but I did it anyways…”

Twilight is torn between being so insanely proud of her, and being utterly heartbroken at having let her down when Rainbow needed her most. “And I wasn’t there…” She says apologetically.

“Twilight.” Rainbow snaps. “I’m the only one to blame! I could have just used my brain instead of risking my life.”

“What about that argument you guys had while I was talking with Celestia?” Twilight asks curiously. She only knows what Applejack had told her, and that had only consisted of “I really messed up” and “I never meant for this to happen” and “I’m so sorry”. To this day, the alicorn has no idea what had transpired in the few minutes between the two shows. Apart from now learning that she could have stopped Rainbow, and prevented all of this from happening in the first place, of course.

All she knows are little bits, partly because she’d been so upset and terrified still after they got Dash safely to the ground and transported to the hospital. Her friends had been too busy trying to calm her down and comforting her, than to bring up how they had argued right before the (near-)disaster happened.

Ears folding back on their own accord, Rainbow looks away in shame. “Rarity was fussing over me, said something about me not looking so great, and Applejack said that that’s because…” she pauses, inhales, sighs. “She said it’s because I have to eat something, so she started offering me stuff from her stand.”

Twilight frowns. The girls all know that Rainbow isn’t ready to eat in public, yet. Heck, it’s enough of a struggle getting her to eat with just the friends all together on the weekends, still. And Rainbow was never going to eat before she was done performing. Twilight knows this firsthand, as does Fluttershy.

Dash takes her silence as a ‘please continue’. “I couldn’t- I mean-… I turned her down. Everything. She even tried to give me cider, and that’s when things… escalated.”

This is news to the alicorn. “She gave you cider?”

Rainbow won’t even drink carrot juice, or basically anything else apart from plain water (and now tea).
They still got some bottles of cider from back when Applejack had brought all sorts of treats, when this all first started.

Rainbow hasn’t touched any of them, because apparently the only thing worse than eating junkfood is to drink empty, useless, unnecessary calories.

Dash nods, still refusing to look at the alicorn. “I refused… which made her mad, I guess. She said that I’ve changed, and acting like I was ‘possessed’. ‘You just ain’t yourself anymore.’” She quotes in a mocking imitation. Then she finally looks at Twilight, who looks almost angry. “So… I ended up going through with it, after all, to prove to you guys that I’m still me.”

Oh, you’re still you, alright. Twilight thinks ruefully, regarding the pegasus’ confessions of breaking and not breaking and entering, earlier.

Then again, it’s a nice reminder that Rainbow Dash will be Rainbow Dash, even after everything they’ve gone through.
Or, at the very least she’s still the same pony, until there’s food involved.

Or numbers.

Twilight shudders.

Rainbow clears her throat again, more as to gain attention than because her throat is bothering her, this time. “Now that you know what really happened, will you tell me why you were calculating calories and all that for hours, as if your life depended on it? I thought we were past that by now? …Did I do something wrong..?”

“No!” Twilight almost shouts. “No, I mean, you didn’t do anything wrong. Quite the opposite, actually. You’ve been doing so well with your meals that I feel like we can consider weaning you off the pills.”

Rainbow is honestly taken aback by this. “You want me to stop taking the metabolic pills?”

Twilight nods. “Not just those. All of them.” She clarifies. “We still have to broaden your horizons when it comes to variety, but other than that,… I think you’re ready.”

Rainbow is delighted for all of ten seconds, until she remembers what the metabolic pills were designed for. If Twilight thinks that she’s ready, that means that she’s no longer underweight, which means that she is no longer skinny.

What she means by ‘ready’ is that you’re now fatter than ever. Congratulations on messing that up twice now.

“Rainbow?” Twilight starts, seeing the sudden shift in her friend’s demeanour. “What are you thinking?”

Tell her you’re more than ready for this! This is your chance to get back to losing weight! The voice prematurely celebrates in her head.

Dash shakes her head, glaring furiously at the wall. No. Forget it. I had to fight so much to get where I am now. If I lose weight again, I’ll have to go through all of that again. I’ll disappoint everyone and lose my feathers again. I don’t want that!

“Rainbow!” Twilight calls, but Rainbow isn’t listening to her right now.

You say that now. But what will happen when you see yourself in the mirror? Do you honestly think that the ponies of Ponyville will like you again, if you’re just an ugly, fat pig the next time they see you? Dream on. You’re disgusting.

“SHUT! UP!” Rainbow shouts, wings flaring in anger, wishing she could strangle this demon inside her head. Twilight makes to touch her, but quickly realises that the pegasus is not yelling at her. “I don’t need you, do you hear me?! All you do is ruin everything! I don’t need you- I never needed you- I’m stronger than you!” She yells herself hoarse, stomping her hoof for emphasis.

She’s gasping for air after the outburst, heart hammering away in her chest from the adrenaline, her extended wings slowly drooping.

There are no further insults. Her head is finally quiet. The same way the castle is so silent that one could hear a pin drop. The only sound is Rainbow’s ragged, but slowing, breathing.

Even though it was a short battle with only one physical opponent, it feels like a massive tornado has just been banished from existence, leaving an odd, empty calmness.

“Are you okay..?” Twilight asks softly, finally stepping up to her and pulling the pegasus into a hug, who practically melts into her embrace.

Rainbow makes a noise between a laugh and a sob, tightening the hug for a split second. Then, all the tension seems to just disappear. She feels like she’s been suffocating, drowning under water for months, and could finally take a full breath again. “It’s quiet.”

Twilight doesn’t have to ask what she means. “It’s gone?”

Unfortunately, she feels Rainbow shaking her head against her chest. “I’m sure that it’ll be back, but for now, I’m gonna enjoy the peace…”

The Princess of Friendship wraps her wings around the pegasus, as though trying to shield her from all evil.

“Are you guys okay?!” They hear Spike’s panicked shout as the dragon rounds the corner. “I heard shouting-” He freezes when he sees the two ponies practically merging into one body with how they’re wrapped around each other.

Rainbow separates the tiniest bit from the alicorn so she could look at the dragon with a genuine smile. “You know what? I think this is the first time in ages that I can say I’m okay, and actually mean it.” She admits, before cuddling into the alicorn’s soft fur once more.

Link if art doesn’t work

Chapter 36

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Chapter 38

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Chapter 39 Author's Note

This is what it looks like when good days are followed by bad days. 💔❤️‍🩹

It seems that I just can’t write a single chapter without some sort of breakdown anymore, hmmmm… The author is absolutely fine :pinkiecrazy:

Chapter 39

“What’s an eating disorder?”

Applejack immediately looks like a deer caught in headlights. “Uuuh.. where- where’d you hear that?”

“From you and my sister, on Tuesday.” Sweetie Belle chimes in.

The older sister rubs the back of her neck nervously. “Shucks, Ah don’t even know how to explain… it’s a very complex disorder, even I can’t fully understand it. And you fillies shouldn’t be worrying about these kind of things.”

“Then at least tell us how we can help. How I can help.” Scootaloo begs.

Applejack sighs. “Alright, fine... What you need to know is that food, or rather eating, is difficult for Rainbow. Ya don’t have to know why. But it helps her when others are eating with her. For example, if you wanna offer her something, like, an apple.” She picks one from a nearby, full bucket. “Ya don’t just give it to her, but split and share it, so she ain’t the only one eating.”

“Well… yeah, I guess I can do that.” Scootaloo says, having seen Spike do exactly that, yesterday. She of course wonders why that is even necessary, but she’s happy for any bit of information she could get, and any tips on how she could support her sister.

“Now, it’s really important that you never, ever comment on her body. No compliments, no other remarks, no nothing, ya hear?” Applejack says seriously. “Even if ya just mean well.”

The girls all share confused looks, but nod that they’d follow her instructions.

“Ah know it sounds strange. It still sounds just as weird to me, but that’s the way it is. And um, y’all better keep this all to yourselves. It’s not exactly something that she wants ponies to know about.”

“But wouldn’t it be better, the more ponies know? So that they can all help, and not make mistakes.” Scootaloo asks.

“Ah’m afraid that not every pony would be so considerate and understandin’…” Applejack says honestly.

The fillies all think back to the whole town practically wanting to banish Rainbow Dash from Ponyville, and sadly nod in agreement.

The next day…

Twilight walks through the east hall for a third time, still not seeing the cyan pegasus anywhere. “Rainbow Dash!” She calls for the umpteenth time. “Urgh, where could she be? It’s not like she can fly around outside…”

She comes across Spike again at the foyer, who’d checked the west side corridor.

“Still no sign of her?” He asks.

Twilight shakes her head. “I don’t get it, she just vanished.”

“Did you check the library yet?”

“Of course I did! She’s not there, and none of the Daring Do books are missing.”

“What about the study?”

“Why would she be in there?” Twilight asks with a raised eyebrow. All she got in there is a blackboard, a desk, chair, and a small selection of- “Oh my gosh, she didn’t. No, what am I saying, of course she did. Argh.”

“Did what?” Spike asks, and has to hurry after the alicorn as she runs to the study, slamming the door open.

“Rainbow! Don’t read that!” She calls, and lo and behold, they find the missing pegasus calmly reading a certain, familiar book.

“Twilight, stop.” Rainbow says calmly.

“You broke the lock!” Twilight yells, pointing to the unlocked box, in which she had kept the Anorexia Recovery book.

“No, I didn’t.”

True to her word, the key is sitting right next to the opened lock on the desk.

“That’s not what I- Urgh! I don’t want you to read that, Rainbow!” Twilight shouts. “I locked it away for a reason!”

Rainbow throws her an unimpressed look and closes the book. “You can’t forbid me to read a book, Twilight.”

The alicorn faceplams. Then she asks in a much calmer tone. “Why did you even look for it, in the first place?” She better have a good reason to-

“I just needed to know that I’m not completely insane.” Dash replies without hesitation.

Twilight blinks. “…What?”

Rainbow looks at the floor. “It has to do with what happened two nights ago…”

Twilight and Spike share a look, immediately catching on. The pegasus has been avoiding the topic until now, claiming that she wasn’t ready to talk about it yet, whenever they asked.

“You can lock it away again, if you want.” Rainbow says, briefly looking at the book before keeping her eyes downcast again.

Twilight sighs. “No… you’re right. You have every right to read a book that’s written about the disorder that’s affecting you. I just… I didn’t want you to read about the… 'encouraging' bits, giving you even worse ideas.”

“I already got them without seeing them written on a page.” Rainbow admits quietly.

Twilight’s eyes widen in realisation. “You mean…”

“That night… I-I think that your spell must have lasting effects — you know, the one that made me stop getting sick — because… the thoughts got so loud, but I wasn’t getting sick. And that just made me panic even more, because part of me wanted to just….” She squeezes her eyes shut. “You know… get it over with, but it just wasn’t happening. And…” She couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud, nor to look at her friends’ disappointed faces.
“I just needed to know that… that I’m not a lost cause. Although, I’m not sure how I feel about knowing that this is ‘normal’… well, not normal, but common when it comes to this.. thing.”

“You are not a lost cause, Rainbow.” Twilight says, barely above a whisper. “But can you please come to me, or Spike, the next time you feel like… doing something like that?”

‘The next time.’

Because of course this is probably going to happen again.

‘The next time.’

It sounds so hopeless. So never-ending.

The risk of a relapse is the highest during the first two years of recovery. After that, it goes down, but it will never be zero. The book had said.

I will just have to make it there, first.

Still unable to bring herself to look at her friends, Rainbow just nods mutely towards the floor. The others come to her and hug her from both sides, and it fills her with the tiniest bit of hope.

What if there won’t have to be a next time?

“When can I finally start working out again?” Rainbow asks during the after-lunch waiting period.

“When we know that your heart can handle it, and you learn to respect and not push past your limits.” Twilight replies without missing a beat.

“How will we know how my heart is doing when I’m not allowed to exercise?” Rainbow asks, annoyed and impatient. “Wait… I won’t have to go back to the hospital for that, right?”

Thankfully, the alicorn shakes her head. “There’s a test called the ‘six minute walk test’.”

Rainbow frowns. “Walk test?”

Twilight nods. “It’s about testing endurance and distance, not speed.”

“Well that sounds lame...” Rainbow grumbles.

“I know it sounds easy in theory, but six minutes is a long time to walk.”

Dash rolls her eyes. “Whatever. When can we do it?”

“Whenever you want, and feel ready.”

The pegasus didn’t have to say anything else; the look on her face said it all.

“Right. Let me just get my stopwatch.” Twilight relents.

Two cones mark the starting- and finish line. Twilight has the stopwatch, as well as a quill and paper to write down the times of each lap.

“I’ve measured the round-way, it’s almost exactly 50 meters, so that will make it easy to calculate the total distance.” She explains. “Remember: no running, only walking.”

“Can I at least walk fast?” Rainbow whines.

“As fast as you can handle, but no trotting.”

“Why do you keep saying ‘how much you can handle’? We’re just going to walk in circles for five minutes!”

“Six minutes.” Twilight corrects calmly. “And you might be surprised.”

“Whatever. Let’s just get this over with.”

So they start walking and Twilight starts her stopwatch.

Rainbow quickly realises what Twilight meant, because after just two minutes of her fast paced walking, she’s starting to feel a bit breathless. Endurance has never been her strong suit; she’s more of a ‘give it your all for a short period’ type of pony, rather than ‘pace yourself for the long run’, which makes her seem like her stamina is awfully low.
She also much prefers flying over walking, so the strongest part of her are her wings, able to carry her all day long without ever landing, if need be. This doesn’t mean that the rest of her body isn’t trained up and shaped into a strong and muscular physique, but walking will never be her preferred method of transportation. It lacks a certain freedom that she simply cannot live without.

Twilight takes note of her breathing rate picking up and her walking speed slowing down, but doesn’t comment on it. It’s definitely noticeable when they’re almost ten seconds slower on this round than the first ones.

However, it’s not Rainbow’s endurance that becomes a problem.

Since they’re walking in the same circle around the same hallways, with only the cones giving them a brief change of scenery, the freedom-loving pegasus is beginning to feel lightheaded as a strange sense of panic grows inside her chest.

“You okay?” Twilight asks when Rainbow starts to speed up again, despite her breathing becoming borderline hyperventilation.

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s- it’s just- it’s all so-” She briefly gasps for air, her brain struggling to string a sentence together. “There’s no end.”

“It’s just two more minutes.” Twilight tries to reassure, but when she sees the wide eyes rapidly looking around the windowless walls, as though seeking out an open door-

“Rainbow, are you claustrophobic?” She asks in realisation.

“Klaus who the what?” Rainbow asks, unable to comprehend the question.

“Afraid of small spaces.” Twilight explains patiently, trying to stop the pegasus, in the hope that she could get her full attention.

“I’m not- I wouldn’t say afraid. Just.. not very fond of…”

It’s all the confirmation she needed. Twilight teleports them both onto the roof platform at the top of the castle with a flash. At first the pegasus startles, but once she finds the open sky all around her, she slowly but surely calms down.

That is, until she remembers the test they’d been doing.
“Great…” Rainbow grumbles to herself. “Sorry. I guess I failed that test.”

“Actually, you were doing pretty well. It’s not your fault, I should have chosen a different place for the test.” Twilight reassures.

Rainbow only makes an unhappy noise. Now that they’re unprotected from the weather, the cold autumn wind sends a chill down her spine, but she doesn’t mind. It helps her accept that she is not trapped, and without thinking, she slowly opens her wings and closes her eyes, enjoying the feeling of the breeze brushing through her mane, fur and wing feathers.

Twilight watches her with a relieved smile. It must feel so good, to have the wind blowing over her like this. It’s a far cry from actually flying, of course, but it’s a reminder to the alicorn that Rainbow belongs in the sky. Being bound to the castle like this is just not sustainable.
Rainbow needs flight and her freedom, the same way Twilight needs her magic and knowledge (and books).

Rainbow enjoys the feeling for a moment more, before she opens her eyes again. She discovers a couple larger clouds hanging in the sky above her, and gets an idea.
She turns to her friend. “Have you ever watched the sunset from a cloud, Twilight?”

The alicorn is momentarily stunned by the question, trying to think of a time when she did that. But she comes up empty. “No, I guess I haven’t.”

“You’re missing out, Egghead.” Rainbow throws her a look that says she has a plan, although her body language practically screams nervousness.

“I’ll be right there with you.” Twilight promises knowingly, unfolding her wings as well to signal that she’s ready to fly.

Dash takes a few deep breaths to steel herself, her eyes never leaving a particular cloud. It’s barely ten, maybe twelve flaps, tops. She could do this. Even if she were to fall, she wouldn’t drop very far, and Twilight is there, too.

Her brain tells her that she can’t do it, that she’ll drop like a stone, that she’s too heavy to even get off the ground.

Good thing I don’t listen to you anymore.
She thinks and gives a strong flap, taking off with ease. That’s the easy part.
It’s staying in the air without freaking out about the weightless feeling, that she’s struggling to overcome.

She finds Twilight flying right by her side, an attentive watch on the pegasus, and Rainbow feels safe.

They both land on the cloud without issues, and this small accomplishment somehow feels just as good as whenever they defeated some evil villain.

Rainbow sits upright, head tilted the slightest bit back, eyes closed with a smile, just relishing in the familiarity.

Right now, in this moment, her worries and disordered urges cannot touch her. The weight on her shoulders is blown away by the wind, and lost in the freedom of the sky.
She can breathe again.

“It really does look amazing.” Twilight comments at the scenery. The setting sun is painting the sky in an array of colours, from orange to purple and blue. The known, familiar sight that she’s used to, somehow feels like she’s only seeing it for the very first time, when she’s practically looking down on it from so high up.

“Told you.”

Twilight just grins to herself, enjoying the moment. When Rainbow starts to shiver next to her, she doesn’t hesitate in wrapping her wing around her. They could just go back inside, but something tells the alicorn that Dash is in no hurry to leave this cloud anytime soon.

It’s moments like these where they can just forget about the meals and calculations and calories. Moments where everything just feels normal again, so they make sure to cherish them to the fullest extent possible.

The pegasus is reclaiming her much needed freedom. One small step — or wing flap — at a time.

They have a surprise visit, in the form of Applejack and Fluttershy being called by the Map, on the next day. Rainbow is with them in the throne room, since it’s once again the period of time after a meal where she’s supposed to stay with Twilight or Spike, and since the dragon is currently busy washing the dishes, this is way more exciting.

If she’s being honest, Rainbow is desperate for a distraction. It’s once again a bad day for her, so she’s dressed up to cover her body from sight and absentmindedly uses a hoof to touch the necklace or her shoulder bones for reassurance every now and then.

She’s lying half curled up in her throne, watching the floating cutie marks of her friends circling above a surprising part of the map.

“The map is sending us where?!” The farmer exclaims in disbelief.

“Las Pegasus? Oh my…”

“But.. Las Pegasus is a wild vacation spot! It’s just one big party.”

“All those lights and sounds… not to mention the crowds…” Fluttershy laments. “Just the thought of it is overwhelming!”

“I know Las Pegasus doesn’t seem like either of your cups of tea, but I have total faith you wouldn’t have been called unless you were the perfect ponies for the job.” Twilight reassures confidently.

The words make Rainbow wonder… what good has she actually done during their last friendship problem? Why did the map send her along with Twilight? The alicorn had done most of the work, and could have easily solved the whole thing by herself.
Same with the whole golden Idol of Boreas debacle, where she almost got herself, Pinkie and Gilda killed.

I’m only good at creating problems, not solving them.

She sinks lower into the cushion on her throne.

I’m useless…

“Wouldn’t Pinkie Pie be better suited for this..?” Fluttershy asks shakily.

Applejack nods. “Yeah, or Dash.” She half expects the pegasus to fly in the air and shout ‘yeah!’ and be all excited, the way she’d normally be doing.

The remark makes the three girls look over to the pegasus in question, who is obviously not paying attention to their conversation, and is lost in her own thoughts, lying still and with her back to the others.

The girls share saddened, guilty looks, all thinking the same thing.

“Never mind.” Applejack murmurs with a sigh. She tries to remind herself that Rainbow Dash is still Rainbow Dash, just not as boasting and confident, but it’s hard to do so when she’s acting so unlike herself.

“You two should go and get ready. It’s quite a long trip.” Twilight says.

“Oh, I have to ask Dr. Fauna if she can take care of the animals for a few days.” Fluttershy realises.

“And Ah have to make sure Big Mac and Applebloom can fix up the deliveries.”

Rainbow perks up when she notices them making to leave. “Fluttershy, what about Zeph?” She asks, jumping off her chair and following her friends.

They all pause in surprise.

“You don’t have to worry about him, he’s back with our parents.” Fluttershy replies tiredly.

Rainbow grimaces. “That was quick.”

“Yeah… I threw him out when I found out that he was the one who took the pictures of you, at the celebration.” She explains guiltily.

“That was him?” Applejack exclaims.

The yellow pegasus nods. “I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash.”

There’s a brief pause while it sinks in.
Then…

“That’s what he meant.” Rainbow realises. She only gets confused and questioning looks thrown her way. “When he said that I’ve gained weight since he last saw me. But I haven’t seen him in at least three years.”
Fluttershy nods in confirmation at that.
“I’ve been wondering what in Equestria he meant with that. He must have meant since he saw me before the show, when he apparently took pictures of me without any of us noticing.” She says in momentary relief.

Twilight frowns at that, wondering why Dash hadn’t brought it up if it’s been bothering her so much. Oh, who am I kidding…

Applejack has the mind to keep any comments to herself, and her and Fluttershy soon leave in order to make sure their responsibilities are being fulfilled while they’re away.

“Anything else about ‘Zeph’ on your mind?” Twilight asks the pegasus more forcefully than she intends. She’s a bit upset about that whole situation, and feeling hurt that Rainbow hasn’t mentioned anything.

“What’s a ‘Zeph’?” Spike asks as he approaches Twilight and Dash.

“Fluttershy’s brother, and not my problem right now.” Rainbow replies.

Twilight is confused by her choice of words. “What do you mean?”

“Why does the map even send me to solve friendship problems?” The pegasus asks outright. “When it sent me and Pinkie to Griffonstone, all I managed to do was to almost get myself killed in the Abysmal Abyss, while Pinkie figured out that all the Griffons needed was baking powder!”

“But you also made up with Gilda-”

“Which was never the point of our mission.” Rainbow corrects. “And when it sent you and me to Cloudsdale, I did absolutely nothing to help. You could have just gone all by yourself, it wouldn’t have made any difference.” She sighs, sitting down in defeat. “I don’t know why it even sends me anywhere. I’m useless.”

Spike and Twilight grimace in honest despair. Hearing her say that about herself is breaking their hearts.

“Now hold up, that’s not true at all.” Twilight protests in a soft but stern no-nonsense fashion. “Remember what you told Sky Scraper?”

Rainbow stays silent, averting her eyes, so Twilight recites for her.

“Keeping secrets from your best friends will only end up hurting both of you. You can only solve a problem by talking about it. Trust me on that.”

“I know what I said!” Rainbow snaps. “But it’s not like you wouldn’t have said something along that, yourself!”

“Maybe, but if you remember, Sky wasn’t keen on listening to me at all.” The dark pegasus stallion had made his point clear from the beginning, that he thought nothing of a ‘Princess of Friendship’. Which, in the end, she could understand why the word ‘friendship’ might have rubbed him the wrong way, given how he’d desperately wanted to be more than just friends with Buttercream.

“He wasn’t exactly fond of me, either.” Dash defends with her ears back. She starts subconsciously touching her shoulder again, which the others assume to be a nervous tick — which is, in a way, correct. Just not about the right reasons.

Twilight doesn’t let loose. “But he listened to you. He might not have opened up if you hadn’t been there, and I might have never found them in the first place, if we hadn’t stayed at that restaurant for so long.”

Bringing that part up is risky, and Twilight perfectly knows it. It’s a sore reminder to Dash, about her inability to just eat, like everypony else.

“Don’t try to pretend there’s anything positive about me having this… this… this thing.” Rainbow declares with a warning, dropping her hoof so she could stand up again.

It’s not her tone that has the Princess of Friendship backing off. It’s the way Rainbow Dash couldn’t bring herself to say two certain words out loud, that makes her realise what this is actually about.

“Okay, look. Today is just a bad day.” She says knowingly and understandingly, because it’s blatantly obvious to her, after that time they had a talk with Dash’s parents. “Or a really bad day, if you want. But either way, these thoughts of self doubt you’re having, aren’t true at all.”

Spike nods encouragingly in agreement. “Yeah! We love you — all of you. Problems and fears and all.”

“The world needs you in it, even if it’s hard for you to see that right now.” Twilight promises her, almost desperate to be believed.

Unfortunately, nothing they could say seems to be able to break through this darkness, that is overshadowing all the good and positive for Rainbow Dash today. It reminds Twilight of those moments, when Daring Do had been captured, and when Rainbow thought that her dreams of becoming a Wonderbolt were crushed.

Fluttershy has told her how nothing she had said had been able to get through to Rainbow, when she’d been ill at Flight School and incredibly mad at herself.

Sometimes, there was just nothing that could clear the dark fog that seems to cloud her thoughts and the world around her. In this case, Rainbow just walks off to her room without another word or glance directed at her friends. All of her friends’ support feels like cruel lies, as if part of her simply couldn’t accept it as honest fact, and she just wants to be alone for a while. At least when she’s alone (with Tank), she doesn’t have to pretend to be okay.

(Un)fortunately for her, she doesn’t get to be alone for long. Spike joins her and Tank on her bed, much to her dismay, but she doesn’t tell him to go away.

Instead, she has a new thought on her mind.

“Spike? How do you deal with knowing that you could turn into a giant, greedy dragon, attacking Ponyville and your friends, at any point again?”

He winces at the reminder for a second, but then smiles confidently. “I know that you guys are careful not to trigger and feed that part of me, and even if it were to happen again, I know that you will do everything to reverse it again, just like last time.”

Rainbow seems to think that over, but doesn’t look too happy with his answer.

“Is this about…” he hesitates a moment, but decides to just be blunt and not beat around the bush, “you losing control over your eating, and gaining weight?”

Rainbow doesn’t react at first, and he could swear that she’s listening to something — or someone — whom only she could hear, before shaking her head at them. “Of course it is. It always is.” She snaps half-heartedly, clearly frustrated by that. “It’s like my entire life only revolves around it!”

“It doesn’t have to.” Spike says softly, resting a hand on her shoulder. Tank chooses that moment to look at his owner with his big, beady eyes, as though trying to tell her the same thing. Rainbow has to bite her lip as she tears up when he, also, lifts one of his feet and rests it against her leg.
“I can rest easy, and not worry about it, because I can trust all of you with that part of me.”

“That’s the thing. I don’t know if I can do that.” Rainbow admits brokenly.

“Well, what’s stopping you..?” He asks in a near whisper, completely empathetically.

He sees her fighting against the tears, unable to bring herself to utter a single word, for fear that she’ll only break down again.

“You don’t have to hold it in.” He says. “I swear, I can take it. Remember: I’m lava proof. A few tears won’t hurt me.”

She barks a laugh at the joke and he grins, although it’s still a worried smile. When she regards him with a teary smile, he automatically hugs the pegasus. He’s so used to supporting and cheering up Twilight that it’s like second nature to him.

He doesn’t pull away when he feels liquid hitting his scales; he only hugs her tighter. He doesn’t say a word, just lets his actions speak for themselves, and when she doesn’t hold back and just silently cries for a while, he knows that she heard him perfectly.

“I’m sorry. You probably have way more important things to do than… well, this.” She apologises when they eventually separate, but her voice and body language are much more at ease, now.

“Well, do you still feel like you’re just useless?” He asks.

She chuckles softly for a second. “Maybe a bit. But I do feel better, now.” She admits.

“Then there’s nothing more important, that I would have preferred doing.” He tells her honestly, a proud smile gracing his lips.

Chapter 40

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 41 Author's Note

This has to be the worst chapter ever, I don’t even know anymore…

In my defense: if Twi has the frigging audacity to tell Rainbow that maybe she should become a Wonderbolt (rather than Dash), just because she knows their history and can fly (in Testing, Testing 1, 2, 3), then I guess it’s not too far fetched for her to lose her cool when repeatedly confronted by, and obsessing over, one of her worst fears, and being (inadvertently) shrugged off.
Get used to them having arguments for a few chapters, Bookhorse can’t be the perfect protégé all the time. Hurt ponies hurt ponies, and all that.

Chapter 41

The next morning has a little surprise for them. The many balloon copies that Pinkie had made of the friends have all sunk one after the other — all, except for Rainbow’s, strangely enough. It defies all logic, but that morning, the mini Rainbow Dash balloon figure has now finally deflated and sunk as well — and landed perfectly on the seat of her own throne, just to make it even more intriguing.

“Huh. I completely forgot about that.” Twilight comments, all of them looking at it.

“How’d it even stay up there for so long?” Rainbow asks, looking up at the ceiling. Her balloon had stayed so far up until today, that they’d all just forgotten about it. They’ve had much bigger problems to deal with than a balloon figure that seemed to defy gravity.

“What was it that Pinkie Pie said, again?” Spike asks, picking up the deflated, wrinkly collection of the colourful balloons. “She’ll come down when she’s ready?” He turns to Twilight, wondering if the pink party pony somehow has more psychic abilities than they were previously aware of.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Spike. It’s just a coincidence.” The bookworm waves him off.

“How else do you explain this, then, Egghead?” Rainbow asks with a smirk. “Yours should have stayed up the longest, logically, but that came down with the others, days ago.” She points out. “Face it, it’s a sign.”

“I still don’t think that you’re ready for this.” She grumbles.

“But you’re letting me do it, anyway.” Dash remarks questioningly.

Twilight only sighs, not wanting to talk about this. She couldn’t outright tell Dash that she’s afraid- absolutely terrified of losing her. What good will it do if she tells her that she’s convinced that Rainbow will die, and there’s nothing she could do to prevent it?

They’re like polar opposites when it comes to decision making.
Twilight thinks first, reads five books and creates lists, and checklists, and checklists for the checklists, and only acts once she has enough solid ideas on what to do.
Rainbow acts first, and thinks later. Maybe. If she’s still alive by then.

Twilight couldn’t imagine a world without the loyal, brave, funny, brilliant, and at times utterly ridiculous pegasus.
One could blame it on the two of them spending so much time together, or that deeper connection they seem to share as Celestia pointed out, but whatever the reason, Twilight feels like Rainbow is her closest friend from their group (after Spike, obviously).

It’s perfectly normal to feel just a bit closer to some of your friends than the others. She just has to hope that Rainbow feels the same way, and will finally feel comfortable with sharing her thoughts and feelings with her. Because if she doesn’t, and instead relapses and decides that she could handle it on her own, then she won’t be the only one to die.

Twilight is absolutely 100% sure that part of her would die, too, if this god-forsaken illness beats them, after everything.

This isn’t just your battle, Rainbow. I just wish you could see that. She thinks as she watches the pegasus pointedly pushing the glowing pill away from herself at the breakfast table, making it clear that she hasn’t changed her mind over night. She will at least continue to take the vitamin pills that Twilight created, to hopefully prevent any deficiencies.

To make matters worse, Tank is now refusing all food for over 24 hours.
They’re all pretending that they don’t know what’s soon to come, and with the worst possible timing ever, too.

Rainbow feels fine for most of the first day, which is to be expected. Twilight still monitors and writes down her vitals every hour on the hour, wanting to catch it early if something were to go wrong.

Apart from a slightly elevated heart rate since lunch, Rainbow drinking more and more water, and seemingly waiting impatiently for the next meal, there’s not much to report throughout the day.

Twilight keeps checking on her during the night, much to Rainbow’s annoyance. That is, until Twilight shows her the way her vitals are evolving, meticulously written down on an ever growing list. Her metabolism is slowly but surely getting faster. Now they just have to hope that it doesn’t go into overdrive.

Her heart rate is slowly getting higher as time goes on, as is her temperature and feelings of hunger and thirst. Rainbow doesn’t need any clothes inside the castle, feeling perfectly cozy despite the dropping temperatures outside, and she still claims to be absolutely fine as she willingly eats a bowl of oats in-between meals, too hungry to wait for lunch to be ready.
Twilight won’t let her go outside for more flying time though, not when her autonomous nervous system could go completely haywire at any moment.

It only really begins in the evening of the second day, when Rainbow suddenly freezes in the middle of dinner, the loud gurgling noises from her belly making the others immediately focus on her, much to her dismay. She has to abandon the meal and repeatedly rush to the bathroom for the next hour.

Day 2
8 p.m.
Heart rate 112bpm
Blood pressure 135/84 mmHg
Temperature elevated

Twilight writes down the notes, more or less forcing Rainbow to drink yet another glass of water, to try to get her rehydrated after the sporadic bouts of indigestion.

Rainbow’s room has become a bit of a hospital room. The remedies from Zecora, sugarcubes, jugs of water, buckets and towels are always at the ready.

“I think you should have some of Zecora’s potions. I don’t like how fast it’s all climbing.” The alicorn tells her worriedly.

“Is anything dangerously high?” Rainbow asks.

“Well, no, not yet. But-”

“Then no.”

“Rainbow. It’s possibly going to escalate during the night if we don’t act now, and I’d rather avoid the severe complications!”

“Urgh, fine.”

Twilight knows that Rainbow is just grouchy because she’s not feeling too great right now, and is getting annoyed by how often she’s had to get up to go to the bathroom all day. Which is definitely understandable, but also to be expected.

She follows the instructions that Zecora had given her about dosage and application, and gives Rainbow the glass. “I don’t know if it tastes bad, but you’re allowed to drink water afterwards if it helps.”

“I know. I was there when she explained everything.” Rainbow points out snappily before taking the glass and downing its contents.
If she’s experiencing any symptoms like headaches, nausea, body aches or fatigue yet, she is not telling Twilight about it, and masking it to the point of appearing absolutely fine.
Maybe she’s trying to tough it out, to prove Twilight wrong. That all of her worries are unfounded. That she could handle this.

Mind over matter — but how long could she truly keep it up?

The potions worked a little too well, causing Rainbow’s vitals to drop back down to normal, healthy levels, but she is now back to freezing despite clothes and lying curled up under her blanket.

When she refuses to let Twilight check her vitals again, simply because she’s ‘freezing to death’, the alicorn quickly makes up her mind. She joins the pegasus on her smaller bed, cuddling close to her and cocooning her shivering form with her wing.
The difference to the last time they did this, is that she also squeezes one of her fore-hooves in-between Dash’s, pressed up against her chest, so she could at least keep track of her heart rate at all times, since Rainbow has had a few extra systoles the last few times she’d checked, and Twilight wants to make sure that they don’t evolve into something more serious.

What she hadn’t planned for was the possibility of falling asleep, herself. The alicorn wakes up roughly two hours later with a cyan wing in her face and an extremely hot body next to her.
She immediately jumps up and pulls away the blanket, removes the clothing from Dash’s burning hot body with a flash of magic, and she could practically feel the heat radiating off the pegasus.
Even Tank, who never really leaves her bed anymore, has woken up because of the sudden heat coming from his owner. The cold blooded reptile must be very confused by what is happening.

Twilight knows that pegasus ponies (and perhaps alicorns, too) have a reflex that opens their wings up and maybe even flaps them a bit when they’re overheating, to get a bit of the insulation away and help themselves cool down — even if they’re not even lucid, so she couldn’t take it as a sign of Dash’s current awareness.

“Rainbow. Rainbow, wake up, please.” She says, trying to rouse the pegasus by gently shaking her. All she gets are soft moans amongst her very rapid breathing rate, and no real reaction. A wave of cold panic runs down her spine, and she has to push away the fear that this is it, this is how it ends.

Wasting no more time, she grabs the bucket and towels with her magic, dumps the rest of the water from the jug into it, wets the towel, and starts trying to cool Rainbow down.

It thankfully doesn’t take too long before Dash starts to struggle and weakly protest against her ministrations, becoming more and more aware of her surroundings again. She even starts to very slowly flap the wing that she isn’t currently laying on, reflexively trying to cool herself down with the soft gusts of wind on her now damp coat.

They manage to get her temperature down, though Rainbow is still very much out of it. Seemingly her entire body is horribly sore and she’s feeling too weak to hold the glasses with the remedies and water up on her own. Twilight wordlessly helps her out.

It doesn’t take a genius to understand what’s going on when Rainbow winces at every tiny movement. Her body is extracting the glucose from her muscles, which is needed to keep her brain functioning. Twilight more or less feeds her a couple of sugar cubes, with a whisper of “trust me.”

The next challenge is getting Rainbow to the bathroom. The pegasus could hardly lift her head up from the pillow, there’s no way she could keep herself up on the toilet without falling or maybe even passing out.

“I’m going to have to help you, one way or another.” Twilight says matter-of-factly.

Their solution is for Twilight to get her there safely via levitation spell, then continue to hold her steady with her magical hold until she’s done, Twilight waiting outside in a halfhearted attempt at some semblance of privacy.

“This… is humiliating…” Rainbow complains breathlessly as she’s gently levitated back to bed afterwards. Any kind of exertion is seemingly too much on her body right now.

“It was to be expected.” Twilight shrugs. “And nothing to be embarrassed about.”

Dash only sighs, and falls back asleep whilst Twilight checks over her vitals again.

It’s hard to tell which of the two is more exhausted the next morning.
Twilight once again wakes up with an open wing in her face, but it’s not because of a reflexive response to her body overheating. Rainbow is simply dreaming, this time, the upper wing joint repeatedly flexing and bending, as though it isn’t really sure how it needs to move in order to fly.

The alicorn has witnessed the blue wings twitching or moving in some way as the pegasus slept, many times now. From what Spike tells her, Twilight apparently does the same with her horn — giving off little sparks, depending on her dreams, but thankfully never casting any real spells. There’s some theories about the full extent of pony magic being shut off during sleep, like the ties to the brain are temporarily cut off, which helps prevent dangerous accidents, and allows for the magic to replenish uninterruptedly during sleep.

She checks Rainbow’s stats again, glad to finally write down healthy numbers again, without the need of herbal tinctures to bring them down. She hopes that this means that the worst is now behind them.
It will still probably take at least a few days for her body to really get the hang of things, so the alicorn is going to keep a close eye on Dash still.

The pegasus suddenly stirs, giving a long stretch as she tries to loosen up her still tight feeling, sore muscles.

“Good morning.” Twilight says from behind her, utterly relieved. She makes no move to get up yet.

“Did we do it..?” Rainbow asks hoarsely.

“We did.” Twilight confirms. She magically fills up Dash’s glass with water before levitating it to her lips on autopilot. “How are you feeling?”

After drinking a good amount, Rainbow replies, “could be better… but could also be a lot worse.” She places it back on her nightstand.

“Symptoms?” Twilight asks curiously.

“Mmph. Just tired, and sore…” She admits. “I know it’s probably the biggest irony ever, but I’m starving. What time is it?”

Twilight checks the alarm clock that she’d brought along with the emergency supplies and her notes. “Just after seven. I can go and get you something, so you can rest a bit longer.”

“Nah.. I have get up.” Rainbow says, and with that, she slides off the bed.

“No, wait!” Twilight tries to warn, but she’s a moment too late. Rainbow just collapses, as if her legs don’t even have any bones. Twilight jumps down and checks on her. “Rainbow?”

“I’m fine… just got dizzy…” comes a weak, annoyed mumble. That’s putting it mildly, as she feels too lightheaded to even tell up from down at the moment, her wings half opened parallel to the floor in an attempt at regaining a sense of balance.

“Your blood sugar and blood pressure are probably still low.” Twilight remarks. She offers her some more sugar cubes, which Rainbow chews without putting up a fight.

Shortly afterwards, the pegasus stubbornly gets up on unsteady legs again, tensing up her leg muscles to keep standing while she waits for the black vision to pass. She feels dangerously close to fully blacking out, in a way she hasn’t felt in so long, and honestly thought she would never experience again.

Twilight doesn’t want her to push it if her body can’t handle it yet. There’s nothing wrong with needing help and not being 100%, considering what her body has been through — not just last night, but the past years. “Maybe I should just-”

“I can do this.” Rainbow cuts off the worried alicorn. She finally manages her first wobbly steps, feeling her confidence returning with every determined step. She may not be able to walk in a perfectly straight line yet, but she’s more than capable of walking unaided.

Now more than ever before does she feel the need to prove herself — to Twilight and herself, equally.

Twilight is always right by her side, but lets her try by herself. No matter how many times or how low she falls, there’s still some fight left in her. She marvels as she watches her insanely resilient friend safely reach the bathroom without help.

“Hey, how’d it g- whoa…” Spike pauses in front of the dining table when he sees the two eating breakfast, looking like they’ve fought powerful enemies all night long. “That bad, huh?” He asks sympathetically.

“I don’t remember much.” Rainbow admits. She only remembers being almost painfully cold, then feeling like she was being burned alive, and then just pain all over her body and horrible fatigue.
It’s all a hazy blur, and she has to wonder how aware she’d been in those moments.
She just hopes she hasn’t said or done anything weird or embarrassing to Twilight.

“There… have been some complications, but I’d say we managed to get through it.” Twilight informs him.

“You know, even though it definitely wasn’t fun, I still feel like it was the right decision.” Rainbow says, before finish off her bowl of oats.

“Really?” Twilight asks sarcastically.

The pegasus sighs. “Okay, look… when we almost got eaten by that crocodile in the forest, it was like a wake-up call for me.” She gets confused but curious looks. “If I’d had my normal metabolism then, I would have been able to fly the whole time and probably notice it much sooner, and gotten us both out, way faster.”

Twilight just blinks for a moment, thinking that over. It’s true that Rainbow is not as attentive with the pills, as she normally is. (At least when she’s flying, anyhow.)
She doesn’t have the crazy energy that allows her to process things incredibly fast and gives her the power to fly faster than any other pegasus. Energy, which at times rivals Pinkie Pie’s, and crashes just as fast.

“It was like a sign. Or the final straw, if you want.” Dash continues. “If I’d still been taking two of those pills, we might not have made it out alive. I didn’t fully realise just how much they’ve been affecting me, until it mattered.”

There’s an unspoken 'I would have failed to protect you' hanging in the air.

“What about before that?” Twilight asks softly. Spike grabs a couple gems from the cupboard before sitting across from the two at the table.

“Hm?”

“You got the idea to quit them when the Gala tickets arrived.”

Dash sighs. “This will probably be my last time seeing the rest of the Wonderbolts before the year is over, and my first time attending as one, myself. I just want to be back to normal for that.”

“'Back to normal'?” Twilight raises a stern eyebrow. There never has been a normal, apparently, for the pegasus. Not a healthy one, anyways.

“Okay, bad choice of words.” Rainbow excuses. “But you know what I mean.”

“No, Rainbow. I’m afraid I don’t.” The alicorn replies with her forelegs crossed in front of her chest. “I’m sorry, but I can’t trust you. Not about this.”

Rainbow frowns for a moment, then regards her with a hurt look. “You said yourself that you trust me. In the forest.”

Twilight groans. “Yes! Because I can trust you to keep me safe. What I can’t trust is you keeping yourself safe!”

“I don’t understand what that’s even supposed to mean.”

“What I mean is that I know that I can blindly trust you to save Equestria, but I cannot trust you not to put your own life in danger!”

“I have no intentions of relapsing ever again!” The pegasus snaps, leaning forwards in her seat with her wings flared.

“It doesn’t work that way!”

Spike helplessly looks back and forth between the two as this simple conversation suddenly completely escalates.

“Well maybe it does!” Rainbow argues. “I can handle it, now. I know that I can do this.”

Twilight facepalms. “You really have no idea how dangerous this all is, do you?! Or is this just another game to you?!”

Oh boy… Spike winces.

“Wha- No! How can you even say that?!”

“Because you’re not ready!” Twilight finally shouts. “And I don’t want to sit here and watch you die, just because you’re too stubborn to see that!”

Rainbow can only stare at her with her jaw dropped, unable to form a coherent thought of what to say to that. That, and she’s pretty sure that her heart is about to break through the bones of her chest with how hard and fast it’s beating.

There’s a moment of silence that no one dares to disturb, their laboured breathing the only noise filling the room. Spike hardly dares to breathe, feeling like he’s being held in a chokehold by the sudden tension in the room.

Rainbow is the first one to break the silence, not looking at anyone as she says, “I think I have a pretty good idea of how serious it is, after almost falling to my death.” She folds her wings to her sides and seemingly deflates, sitting with her shoulders hunched and her head low.

It’s true.
Rainbow Dash is a pony who learns best through actions rather than listening to lectures. She’s aware that she hasn’t taken all of this very seriously at times, but she definitely does not need a further wake up call to hammer home that this disorder is no joke.
She just tries not to show how scared she feels sometimes, knowing that this voice that was once her friend, only wants her dead.

“I know I’ve messed up before, but I am taking this seriously now. I want to beat this thing and finally get my life back.”

“You won’t even say the name.” Twilight quietly points out. “That alone is telling me that you’re not there yet.”

“Eating disorder.” Rainbow says without hesitation. “There, happy?”

They both glare at each other equally.

“I just don’t want to say it, because I don’t want it in my life anymore.” The pegasus defends calmly, despite feeling lightheaded and a bit like there’s a pressure building up in her chest, about to explode.

“Whether you like it or not, it’s going to be a part of you, forever. The way it always has been, apparently.” Twilight argues.

“I know that. I just don’t want it to rule over my life anymore-” She’s cut off by her belly’s loud protesting. “Ugh, not again…” she whines and without further ado, stumbles off towards the closest bathroom.

Once Spike is alone with his sister, he immediately turns to her. “Twilight, what are you doing?!” He demands, because this is so unlike her. “We have spent the last six months getting her stable, drying her tears, helping her get through the night, supporting her in any way we can, and you’re about to ruin all of that! WHY?!”

“Because I’m scared!” She yells back. “I’m absolutely terrified that the same thing that happened to Celestia’s student is going to happen to Rainbow!”

“And how exactly is telling her that she’ll fail and die, going to help that?” He asks, because this has to be the most illogical thing he has ever witnessed Twilight doing. “What she needs now, more than ever before, is us having faith in her.”

“I know…” She laments. “I just wish that she’d waited with her decision to go off the pills. It was just so sudden… I still feel like I’m not prepared for this at all.”

“You, not prepared for something?” Spike deadpans. “Have you seen the scrolls and lists on your desk?”

Twilight rolls her eyes. “And I still feel like I’m not prepared. Doesn’t that tell you something?”

“It tells me that you’re freaking out about the absolute worst case scenario, when it’s completely unfounded.”

Her left eyelid twitches. “It’s not completely unfounded!!!”

Spike points to Dash’s empty bowl.

“That doesn’t mean anything. For all we know, she could be deliberately throwing up right now.” Twilight grumbles. “It honestly wouldn’t surprise me…” she adds miserably, but never gets to finish it with the 'and it would be all my fault' that dies on her tongue before she could say it, because:

“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.” Dash’s sarcastic voice makes her eyes snap open. The pegasus is standing in the doorway for a moment, then changes her mind about coming back into the dining room and simply goes back to her own room instead.

“Rainbow, wait! I didn’t mean it like that!” Twilight calls after her, but she knows that it’s futile. She buries her head in her forelegs. “Oh… What have I done…?”

Spike only sighs. “I’ll talk to her.” He decides, hoping that he could somehow turn this all around.

“Spike…” he turns to look at her, a tear-streaked face looking back at him. “I really didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know.” He replies softly. It’s obvious that both of the ponies’ nerves are laid bare and on the fritz, and he could sort of understand why Twilight just exploded like that. But his main priority right now is to make sure that Dash is okay — both physically and mentally.

He finds the pegasus on the bed, watching Tank trying to dig through the bedding, and Spike notices the way she’s rubbing at her shoulder again.

“Hey…” he greets awkwardly. “How are y-”

“I’m fine.” Dash immediately replies.

He snorts softly. “Too fast.” He climbs up on the bed, throwing the still digging tortoise a confused look.

“I’m always fast.” Rainbow points out, her eyes never leaving her pet.

“What’s he doing?” Spike asks, still watching the tortoise.

Dash sighs. “It’s time.” She gently runs her hoof over his shell, causing him to stop pawing at the bedding and look up at his owner.

The dragon grimaces, understanding at once what is going on. “Already..?” He asks. It feels like it was just yesterday when Fluttershy brought him here.

“Weeeell… I did prolong it last year. Turns out he’s not supposed to only dig into the ground when the snow is already covering it.” Dash sheepishly admits. “I’ll let him go later today…” She promises as she looks into the beady eyes.

Spike lays a hand on her shoulder at those words, knowing well enough that it’s not an easy decision for her to make. Barely ten seconds later, he sees tears welling up in her eyes, before she’s squeezing them shut in an attempt to stop them spilling over.

“I thought it would be easier the second time around.” She forces out. “I knew it was going to happen, and I still don’t feel ready to be without him.”

Spike can’t suppress smiling at the irony of it. “You know, Twilight pretty much feels exactly the same way about you.”

That gets him her attention.

“What are you talking about?” She asks, and hears hoof-steps approaching, until a certain lavender alicorn appears in the doorway.

“He means that I would prevent winter from coming to Ponyville, if it meant that you’ll be alive and well.” She explains softly as she comes inside. “And I’m sorry for yelling at you like that. I’m just afraid of losing you — very, very afraid — and when you made the decision out of nowhere, it just…”

“Threw you off? Made you feel like you lost all control?” Rainbow asks knowingly with a smirk.

“…Yes, exactly!” Twilight exclaims.

“I told you: it’s not your fault we’re both obsessive, perfectionistic nutjobs.” Dash replies easily. “I get it. Well, kind of.” She motions for Twilight to get up on the bed as well, with Spike making more than enough room for her.

“I still need to learn to accept it when something unexpected happens, that it’s not my job to try to take full control over the situation.” The alicorn says, before taking up the now free spot right next to Rainbow. “That also means that I need to trust you to make your own decisions. That’s my problem, not yours. If you feel that you’re ready for this, then the only thing that I should be doing is help you achieve it.”

The girls finally hug it out, in absolutely no rush to separate.

“I’m sorry for being so insensitive and putting you on the spot like that. I know you hate it when any of us fight.” Twilight adds, still not letting go of the pegasus. She tries very hard not to check and feel how many ribs and other bones she might be able to feel, painfully knowing that Rainbow is bound to lose at least a bit of weight until everything stabilises.
This battle is still far from over. In a way, it feels like it’s only just begun.
“I guess the part that scares me the most is how you’re not scared at all.” She admits.

“Of course I’m scared, but I figured that it would help you calm down and worry less if you saw that I’m confident that everything will work out just fine.” Rainbow replies. “I wasn’t lying when I said that I feel ready, but that doesn’t mean I’m not afraid of failing. I’m just trying to take each day as it comes, and deal with it when things get tough.
I want to beat this, Twilight. Not just for me, but for all of you guys.”

The pegasus could practically feel the alicorn sagging in relief.
“I guess I’ve been worrying enough for all of us combined.” Twilight jokes ruefully. “I should have just talked to you about this a lot sooner…”

“Not talking about your feelings and worries will only hurt you both, and all that.” Rainbow mumbles, causing Twilight to chuckle and finally pull away.

“Look at you, teaching the Princess of Friendship about friendship.” She jokes with a genuine smile.

“And what would a Princess of Friendship be without her friends?” Spike asks.

“A lonely, stuck-up bookworm, who thinks that knowledge is the only thing in the world that matters.” Twilight mutters dejectedly.

Rainbow slings an arm and wing around her shoulders and back without hesitation. “Good thing you’re not getting rid of me that easily, then. What a boring life that would be.”

They all laugh, until first Spike, then Twilight, notice that Rainbow’s wings are trembling, the feathers practically vibrating.

“Are you okay?” They ask almost simultaneously, all joy forgotten.

“Y-yeah.” Rainbow replies, folding her wings and pressing them tightly against her body to try to get the tremors to stop. It doesn’t help. “No… They just started doing that, I don’t know… I-I don’t feel so good…” She suddenly realises, now that she could focus on her body again.

Twilight grabs her hoof to check her pulse, followed by checking her temperature. She pours a dosage of Zecora’s potions into the glass she’s been using for the medications, then levitates it and the water glass over to them, makes Rainbow drink both, then tells her to lay down.
The tremors are beginning to affect Dash’s legs as well now, as it became noticeable when she’d tried to hold the glass by herself.

“What’s going on?!” Spike asks worriedly when Twilight still doesn’t say anything about her findings.

“It was too much stress.” Twilight informs him seriously, wrapping the blanket around the shivering pegasus. “She’s crashing.”

Spike gulps at the news. “What can I do? I want to help.”

Twilight thinks for a moment, eyeing the last few sugar cubes. She turns to her number one assistant. “Do you remember where we put the cider?” He nods. “Fetch me a bottle, with a straw. We need to get her blood sugar stabilised.”

“On it!”

Whilst he’s gone to fulfil his task, Twilight has to get Rainbow to chew and swallow the sugar cubes before she possibly loses consciousness.

“You’ll feel better soon.” She promises her.

Chapter 42

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Chapter 43

Winter Wrap Up is in full motion. Rainbow’s pegasi troop is on the way to bring back the southern birds, and since she couldn’t clear the clouds just yet, she figures that she’d join Fluttershy with waking the critters, starting with a very specific reptile.

Landing by his spot, she starts to carefully clear the area of the snow. “Taaaank~ it’s time to wake up, sleepyhead. Spring is here!” She sings and announces cheerfully. She couldn’t wait to have him by her side again.

Only, the more she digs away the dirt, the more she’s realising that there’s nothing beneath.

Figuring that maybe she’d simply missed his spot by a few inches, she tries again a bit further to the right.

Nothing.

She tries again, and again, and she doesn’t find anything.

Starting to panic, she looks at the area. It’s exactly where he dug himself into the ground. She could find this exact spot blindly.

So why isn’t he anywhere?!

“Tank!!! Taank, if you hear me, please just…. Do something!” She calls desperately, her eyes jumping all over the place, ears straining to hear a single noise.

It’s strangely quiet, come to think of it. She turns around, and finds that she’s completely alone. There’s not a single pony or creature around. Only snow and a painful coldness that feels like she’s slowly being frozen alive. It leaves her feeling weaker and weaker, and it’s becoming a struggle to breathe.

“TANK!!!” She shouts at the top of her lungs, attacking the ground again, but even when she’s dug a deep enough hole to almost fully disappear, herself, there’s just no sign of her beloved tortoise anywhere.

“This.. can’t be..” she says to herself, and when she makes to find her friends to help her, she still finds all of Ponyville deserted. She’s all alone in the world, and the realisation causes a horrible pain in her already tight feeling chest.

“Rainbow Dash, what is the matter?” She distantly hears Princess Luna, but the growing physical pain and rising panic pull the pegasus awake.

Rainbow wakes up with a gasp. She has to pant and gasp for air as her heart races at such fast rates that rival Sonic Rainboom speeds. Grimacing in pain and clutching at her chest, she whimpers, not understanding what is going on.

She is used to her heart racing sometimes, especially when she’s very stressed, and obviously when she’s working out a bit harder than normal.

This doesn’t feel like those times. This is different, a lot worse, and she doesn’t know what to do. Her eyes immediately seek out the familiar shape of Tank on her bed, and is utterly crushed when she remembers that he won’t be with her until spring. A bit like in her dream, she’s all alone.

Alone, in the dark of the night, immobilised by a pain in her chest that makes her feel like she’s suffocating no matter how hard she tries to get air, and absolutely scared to death.

Princess Luna stares dumbfounded at the dream realm that she’s been sent back to. She still doesn’t understand what in Equestria the pegasus had been dreaming about, and she curses Rainbow’s extremely active brain for processing things so fast that Luna still struggles to comprehend what it was even about.

It’s becoming a challenge for her to help the pegasus with her nightmares, because the dreams that she’s had as of late, evolve in a matter of mere seconds, and the pegasus apparently feels the emotions caused by the dreams so strongly that they pull her from sleep, before Luna has even had the chance to comprehend what is happening.

Luna isn’t the youngest anymore. And not knowing what a ‘Tank’ is, or why the pegasus had been desperate to find it, is not helping her ability to help her troubled subject.

She isn’t sure if this particular dream is any better than all the food and falling related nightmares, if it stressed Rainbow Dash out just as much.

She seeks out Twilight’s dream, hoping that she could tell the young alicorn about the situation and have her help Dash in the waking world.

Unfortunately, Twilight isn’t having a particularly positive dream, either.
Luna watches her horrified expression for a moment, until she sees what the lavender alicorn is staring at: an emaciated version of Rainbow Dash, the pegasus only skin and bones.
A few, thin, dull strands of what was once her colourful mane and tail are all that is remaining.
Her feathers — what’s left of them — are broken, lifeless and sparse, barely covering her half naked wings.
Her eyes are just glassy, hollow, empty, holding none of their usual fire.
As if there’s nothing left of what makes her, her. As though all that’s left of the once strong, fierce, crazy, amazing, true friend, is nothing but a hollow shell.
A weak and broken spirit.

To Luna’s horror, the pegasus then dissolves into dust, right in front of their eyes. The Princess of the Night has had enough and cancels the dream.

“Twilight, it’s alright, it was just a nightmare.” She tells her gently, briefly pulling her into a hug.

“But…” Twilight tries to reply, but breaks down instead.

“Twilight, I need you to listen to me, because this is important: I need you to wake up and get to Rainbow Dash, she needs you.”

“W-what? What’s wrong with her?” Twilight manages, looking at the darker alicorn with tearful eyes.

“I am not sure, but she was quite distressed. I presume you know what a ‘Tank’ is, and why it’s buried in the ground?” She asks.

Twilight nods, wiping away the tears, a bit embarrassed to have broken down like that in front of her once again. “He’s Rainbow’s pet tortoise. We brought him to the same spot as last time, today, so he can hibernate.” She explains.

Realisation dawns on Luna, now understanding the panic when Rainbow Dash hadn’t been able to find him. The bit of information gives her an idea.

“If he’s hibernating, then we should be able to find his dreams.” Luna says.

“You can see the dreams of animals?” Twilight asks in curiosity.

Luna nods. “I normally stay away from them, I’m already busy and struggling, trying to keep my subjects nightmare-free.” She then closes her eyes, and Twilight and her fly past hundreds of dreams.

She couldn’t catch more than fleeting glances of squirrels and chipmunks dreaming about finding nuts, bears about their playing cubs, and deer about hopping through wide, grassy fields.

Twilight finally catches sight of a dream where Tank is flying in the sky with Rainbow Dash, the pegasus laughing happily. It brings a smile to her face. “I found it.” She tells Luna.

The older alicorn watches the dream with curiosity for a moment, mostly because she has never seen a flying tortoise before, especially with a magical propeller of some sort.

“I am sure that Rainbow Dash will be happy to hear that he is perfectly fine and having nice dreams.” Luna remarks. “I’m afraid that this is where we have to part ways. Good luck, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Thank you, Princess Luna, for doing this.” Twilight replies, and with a nod in goodbye, Luna casts a spell that expels Twilight from the dream world and wakes her up.

A good thing is that time moves much slower in the dream realm than it does in the waking world, so it has only been a few seconds between the dreams. She still wastes no time, jumping off her bed and hurrying to Dash’s room.

“Rainbow?” She calls, hearing the distressed, quick breaths. “It’s me. What’s going on?”

“Twi, I.. I don’t feel well.” Rainbow struggles to get out.

“Hang on, I’m turning the lights on.” Twilight warns, and a moment later, the room is filled with bright light that is sore on both their eyes, so she dims them a bit with her magic.

Two things become instantly apparent: Dash rubbing at her chest, and the look of panic on her face.

“What’s wrong?” Twilight repeats, coming to her side immediately. “Let me see.” She gently pushes the cyan hoof out of the way, so she could check her heart rate. The organ is pumping rapidly underneath her touch, feeling almost like a small bird with the way it was fluttering.
Not good.
Not good at all.

She readies a dosage of what’s left from Zecora’s potion on pure muscle memory. “Here, let’s see if this will do the trick.” She says as she passes it over.

Rainbow has to take several smaller sips in between quick breaths, her lungs forced to try to keep up with her racing heart. They wait anxiously for it to take effect, Twilight trying to make her as comfortable as possible and calm her down.

In doing that, Twilight notices that Rainbow’s coat is damp with sweat, which isn’t too surprising, given the current stress on her body, but it seems to add a definition to her body that makes Twilight bite her tongue, because she could swear that Dash looks thinner already.

It’s not a huge difference, of course, but she could make out hints of the tips of her shoulder blades and a rough outline of a few ribs as the pegasus continues to breathe hard. She can’t help herself, staring vacantly at her friend’s reminders of how quick and bad it had become, when this whole thing started. Her own nightmare is flashing before her eyes again, and for a moment, her tired eyes hallucinate Dash becoming thinner and thinner, until she becomes the emaciated ghost that she’d watched turn into dust.

“It’s slowing down.” Rainbow suddenly informs her. “Finally…”

“G-Good.” Twilight replies shakily. “That’s good…” She closes her eyes and blows out a breath, trying to block out the mental images.

“Are you alright?” Dash asks, now realising that Twilight wasn’t fully there, in the room with her. She sits back up and fills her own glass with water before handing it over.

Twilight shakes her head at the offer. “I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me.” She defends, nudging the glass closer to Rainbow. “You should drink it, you were sweating a lot, you’re probably dehydrated.”

Rainbow doesn’t look happy about the rejection, but decides to humour the alicorn — for now. Mostly because she truly does feel weak and overall unwell right now.

“I’ll leave you be once you’re alright.” Twilight says, not looking anywhere near her. “I’m sure you’re sick of having me around, after today. Or, well, yesterday.” She corrects when she remembers that it’s the middle of the night.

“No, stay.” Rainbow pleads. “I-I mean, if you don’t rather want to go back to your own bed…”

Twilight is surprised by this. “I thought…” she shakes her head. “I haven’t been a good friend. I’m sorry.”

“Twilight. What is going on?” Rainbow asks seriously, easily able to tell that something is not right with her friend.

The alicorn looks like she wants to say something, but then squeezes her eyes shut and turns away at the last second. “I shouldn’t say anything.”

Rainbow has finally had enough. She embraces her in a surprise hug. “Stop keeping secrets all the time. I don’t want us to argue a third time.”

“I can’t! I- it would only trigger you- again.”

Dash sighs. “If it’s about the weight loss: I already know.” She admits quietly.

Twilight pulls away from the hug. “W-What?!” She then sees the pegasus reaching up to her own shoulder again.

“It’s… kinda hard to miss, when I can feel all my ribs through my wings.” She admits, pressing one of her wings tightly against her side for emphasis. “I may not be able to see it, but I can kind of imagine what I actually look like, through touch.”

Twilight doesn’t know how to respond. She’d known that Dash has started ‘body checking’ in this new way, rather than the obsession with mirrors (that almost always only ever caused more distress than it brought comfort). She hasn’t had the chance to bring it up until now, but she has been wondering if this is a good or a bad development.

Rainbow chooses her stunned silence to come clean. “I know how stupid it sounds, and is, that the sick part of me …likes it. That it’s much more acceptable to be even just slightly underweight rather than at a normal weight. Heck, I would even go as far as to say I’m thin, right now.”

Twilight is, of course, not very happy to hear that. Her mouth is pressed into a thin line, as she tries to find a way to reply without letting her emotions get the better of her again.

This is exactly what she’s been so afraid of. Dash may see it as okay right now, and then the disorder will strike back full force, take over completely, and that will be it.

She couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’m sorry. I-I can’t do this right now.” She finally forces out, and before Rainbow has any chance to react, flees from the room.

The pegasus is overcome with an urgency that makes her ignore everything besides her friend in obvious need for support — until she briefly collapses, a couple of steps away from her bed, her vision needing a moment before the blackness has fully disappeared again.

She realises with a frustrated groan that she needs to eat something again, but it’s far from her top priority right now. Besides, eating at nighttime is simply not allowed, in the first place.
Old habits die hard, and eating disorders even more so.

Twilight has a clear advantage, being able to teleport wherever she wants to. Dash has her own advantages, in the form of her extremely sensitive, attuned feathers, a naturally heightened sense of hearing, and the ability to see with very limited light. If she focuses hard enough, the pegasus could even pinpoint Spike’s faint snoring from inside his room.

It doesn’t take long before Rainbow finds her upset friend in the study, even with the door closed and the lights off.

“Twilight…” She whispers as she approaches the alicorn. She lays a careful hoof on her shoulder. “Please talk to me. I want to help.”

She sniffs. “I should be the one helping you. I shouldn’t… be this way!”

“You haven’t done anything besides help me for months, Twilight. I know that you’re scared, you know that I’m scared, we’ve been over this.”

“How can you do this?” Twilight asks airily.

“Do what?”

“Act so nonchalant about this, like it’s no big deal anyways!”

Dash gulps. “That’s not true.”

“No, my bad. You’re probably enjoying this. Congrats, you finally got what you wanted.” Twilight snaps, but the rivulets of tears rapidly trailing down her face are speaking of the opposite.

It takes a moment, but Rainbow catches on to what she means. “That’s not what I meant, earlier. I’m not enjoying it, it’s just… easier to live with, in a way.”

“Easier for you maybe.” Twilight mumbles to herself before sobering up. She finally turns to look at the pegasus. “You really shouldn’t be up and about like this right now. I don’t want your heart to have another such episode.”

Rainbow glowers back. “If you didn’t want me to go after you, then you shouldn’t have run off. And I’m not leaving until I know you’re okay.” She says with that confident finality that Twilight knows all too well. “What are you doing here, anyways?”

Twilight sighs and turns on the lights with her magic, temporarily blinding the pegasus. “Sorry…” she apologises, dimming the lights again. When Rainbow could see again, she notices a small, open notebook, as well as a book on the nutritional values of food on the desk. “I wanted to calculate the calories from today.”

Rainbow raises an eyebrow. “Now? It’s the middle of the night.”

“It just crossed my mind again, that I didn’t get the chance to do it, yesterday.” Twilight admits, opening the book to look up the first item on the list of her notes. “Gives me something to do…”

“Finding comfort in numbers?” Rainbow asks knowingly without judgement, because she absolutely relates.

Twilight nods as she reads. “Numbers are secure, in a way. Solid. Unchanged. Like, even if King Sombra suddenly returned, or if we had to fight a full on war, 2+2 is still 4, and Pi will still be 3.141592-… you get the idea.”

Rainbow joins her side to glance over the notes, if just to make sure that she isn’t forgetting anything she ate, for her own calculation. “For me it’s the other way around. I like being able to change the numbers. Like… change means progress, of some sort. You know, higher wing-power, flying longer distances, more training minutes before I have to stop,…” she hesitates before saying what they are both already thinking. “…less calories…”

“Do you already know yours?” Twilight asks, changing the subject, gesturing to the list, on which she is slowly adding the calculated numbers behind the listed foods.

“‘Course.” Dash replies. “It… happens automatically.” She admits.

Twilight pauses for a moment. “What goes through your head, when you eat something? How do I have to picture it?” She asks curiously.

“Why when I eat something?” Rainbow asks, confused.

“Let me rephrase, then. When and how do you count them?”

That, she could work with. She looks at the things on the desk, getting an idea. “Okay. Pretend that we’re looking at different foods, rather than a messed up study session-”

“Hey!”

“It’s the truth.” Rainbow shrugs, before getting back to her own demonstration. “So. We’re looking at an apple pie,” she points to the larger book, “a small sized apple,” the notebook, “and a nut, a cashew if you want,” she points at the quill that Twilight is using to write. “Now: one portion sized slice of apple pie is around 300-400 calories, with around… let’s say 6 slices, which brings the whole thing to about 2400 calories max. The apple is easy, you already wrote it down, yourself: 82.”
To get everything as correct as possible, Twilight had weighed the apple beforehand.
“A single cashew has about 5 or 6 calories. Now, the numbers alone would make you go for the smallest option as the obvious choice. But you also have to factor in carbs and sugars, salts, proteins, fibres, fats, water content.
But also how much you’ve already had of each, and how much you’re still allowed.”

“Allowed?” Twilight interjects.

Rainbow sighs. “Yes. Let’s say that all three of these are all you’re going to have today. You had one slice of the pie, plus the apple, for breakfast. How much is that, so far?”

“Uhm.. well, depending on how big the slice is, you’re close to 400 or 500.” Twilight replies.

Rainbow nods. “If you’re only drinking water, you’re good. If you drink one glass of cider, you add another 50, which brings us to 550. The problem now is that nothing so far has had much of a protein content, the carbs are quickly digested and turned into sugar, and once that spike in blood sugar crashes…”

“…you’re hungry again, and your body is going to want more carbs.”

“Exactly! Sooo, we add another two slices of pie.” Dash’s brain instantly does the calculations. “We are now at 1550 calories, and we haven’t actively burned much because it’s a lazy Sunday.”

Twilight giggles at the joke.

“That is fine, because we burn calories just by existing. But let’s say that… uh, let’s go with 1700 being all you’ll burn in 24h without working out. We’re almost there already, and the day is only halfway over.
Anything you consume above those 1700 will eventually lead to weight gain if you go over it for days or weeks on end. And as an athlete, that’s not really something you want.”

Twilight bites her lip to keep from saying something to that.

“We could simply stop there, eat nothing more for the rest of the day, and be fine.” Rainbow looks back at the desk. “But… just for the sake of this.. demonstration, let’s say we finally realise that today hasn’t been going too great, nutrition wise. All we had so far has mostly consisted of unhealthy food and pretty much empty calories.
So, pack up the rest of the pie and put it away, minimise the temptation to mess u- I mean….” She tries to think of a better way of saying ‘mess up your progress any more’. “To.. take another slice. Y-You already had enough…”

“Are you okay?” Twilight asks alarmed when the pegasus suddenly blinks rapidly.

“Y-Yeah.. Yeah… just…” she clears her throat. “Feels weird to say it out loud, what the voice is telling me.”

Twilight’s eyes widen at that.

“Never mind that.” Dash shakes her head. “We need protein, and our only option for now is a bowl of nuts.”

“How much is a ‘bowl’ of cashews?” Twilight asks. “How many grams?”

“150g?” Rainbow offers without hesitation. “Give or take.”

The alicorn seeks out the pages of legumes and does a quick calculation in her head. “Oh, wow… you weren’t kidding.”

“How much?” Rainbow asks interestedly.

“870 calories?!” Twilight exclaims in disbelief. She honestly hadn’t expected it to be this much. Maybe 500 at most.

“Huh. I thought it was 900.” Dash remarks, and her brain does the calculations again. “Oh well. We’re at 2420 total calories now, but at least we get a good bit of protein from that.” She thinks for a moment. “Adding a bit from the amounts of the pie we ate, we’re at about 25g of protein now.” She turns to Twilight. “That would be way too little for me.”

Twilight nods. “I know.”

Rainbow goes back to her example. “So, we now know that those cashews would bring us way over our limit. Good thing we calculate all of this before we ate those.”

“Wha- oh.. so you just… calculate everything beforehand, like this?” Twilight asks, and Dash nods. “Always?”

She nods again. “It’s better to know it all beforehand, make the right decisions based on that, rather than to only calculate everything after you already ate it, and regret your life choices.” She says, pointing to the calories listed for 100g of natural cashews in the book.

Twilight thinks back to her surprise at the unexpectedly high calorie number, understanding what Dash means with that. “So…” she starts, still trying to process all of this. “You’re telling me that you’re doing these calculations, with how much you’re ‘still allowed’, at everything you see?”

“Well- I mean, not everything I see. But with the things I want to have, or think I need — Yes.” She replies. “Or if I have to make a decision between two things, like a cookie and a cupcake at one of Pinkie’s parties, that’s when things get a bit more challenging. Fruits and nuts, like this, are pure.
Baked things are many ingredients, often many carbs and loads of added sugars, so estimations can range anywhere from 200, all the way up to 700 calories, depending on how ‘inspired’ she is when baking.”

Twilight only stares at her for a moment. “I have honestly no idea how you can process all of this, and still keep track all the time.”

“Welcome to the inner workings of my mind.” Rainbow chuckles. “If nothing else, at least it keeps my brain busy and active.” She says, and lays down on the floor when the lightheadedness is suddenly joined by her face, hooves and wings tingling, and her vision getting blurry. She tries to just wait it out like always, but even the deeper breaths she’s taking aren’t helping. In fact, her hearing is like being under water again, and black spots are now dancing in her field of vision.
Her head suddenly feels too heavy for her to possibly support it any longer, and she couldn’t hear, or see, or feel anything anymore. Nothing, besides her own weakness, and like she’s floating weightlessly in a dark void.
Oh for…

Twilight doesn’t notice it at first, skimming through the pages to make progress on her own list. “Wait a sec, was that a red or a green apple? Because the book- Rainbow!” She yells when she finds the pegasus lying motionless with her eyes closed, her breathing too shallow and her position too awkward for her to have suddenly fallen asleep again. She checks her pulse, finding it to be around 40-45bpm.
Maybe the potion had worked too well?

Before Twilight could dissolve into a panic all over again, the pegasus stirs again.
“Rainbow, can you hear me? What’s wrong?” She asks anxiously, re-checking her pulse again. It was still slower than normal, but at least better than a moment ago, and definitely better than the extremely rapid tachycardia episode from earlier.

The pegasus moans unhappily. “Dizzy… cold…” she mumbles, her speech slurred.

Twilight quickly realises what the issue is, thanks to them literally just talking about it, and because they’ve been through this before. The last clue that confirms her theory is when she notices small, growing tremors in the half open, splayed wings.

She teleports one of the ciders she’d left on the kitchen counter, as well as some leftover cucumber and carrot salad, hoping that the fewer calories in it would make it easier for the pegasus.

Rainbow takes one dazed look at the new items and immediately looks away. “I can’t…”

“Why not?” Twilight asks sternly, nudging it closer to her.

“It’s not allowed.” She whines, trying to push it away.

“…What?! Of course you’re 'allowed'! You just passed out, for pony’s sake!”

Rainbow makes an unhappy noise in protest, but gives in when Twilight practically feeds her a slice of cucumber.

“You’re allowed to eat, Rainbow. And not just when your body starts to give out like this.” Twilight tells her, a bit in disbelief that she even has to explain this.

The alicorn turns back to the books for a while when Dash slowly but surely starts to eat and drink, and starts to improve and feel better.

“I can normally push through. I don’t understand why I blacked out.” Rainbow says when she’s halfway through her midnight snack, puzzled by this unexpected turn of events.

“Yeah, we don’t do that anymore, 'just pushing through', Rainbow.” Twilight berates gently but sternly, wanting to get this weird rule crossed out immediately. “If you’re hungry, it’s because your body needs it. It’s trying to make sure you don’t pass out.”

“But…”

“What’s so different about eating at night, compared to during the day?” Twilight asks curiously. “Do the calories multiply after dark? No. Will every single one be instantly turned into a gram of fat? Also no. So what’s the deal?”

“It’s just… you’re only supposed to eat during a limited timeframe. For me, the ground rule is nothing after nightfall, and the soonest I can have something is once the sun is up. Sometimes the rule is more specific, like it’s only allowed after 8 or 10am, or even after noon at the earliest, if I had too much the day before.” Rainbow admits shamefully.

Twilight is definitely surprised by this. “Rainbow…” she starts, but then gets thinking. There have been days where the girls have pretty much been together the entire day, and if there was a battle involved, it often meant that they couldn’t take any breaks until the evening.
“Are you saying… have you not eaten all day sometimes, when we had to go places and fight villains?”

“What? No-!”

“What about when you fainted at the Traders Exchange?” Twilight asks straight out, suddenly remembering Fluttershy telling them about it fleetingly, as a side comment, when Rainbow had fallen asleep on the train ride home.

Dash’s eyes widen. “Fluttershy told you about that?!”

Twilight nods, now very bemused.

“Can you honestly blame me? We had to go from A to B and C to D and.. just all over the whole place, back and forth, trying to get the thing that the traders wanted, all before the Exchange was closing!” Rainbow defends.
The day had almost ended in an absolute disaster, and she wishes that she could forget almost trading Fluttershy away to train some slobbery two-headed dog thing, for a book.

Definitely not one of her proudest moments, but in her defence, her brain has definitely not been working anymore by that point. She could see and admit that much, now in hindsight.
She had been running solely on adrenaline and the ‘hunger high’, physically demanding too much from her body in that state, until it simply couldn’t take it anymore, and chose that moment of her adrenaline finally crashing to send her to the ground.

“Yes, and she said that you two never even stopped for lunch.” Twilight points out. “Which… would probably have been your breakfast, since we had to get on the train before Celestia raised the sun, to get to Rainbow Falls in time.”

“Urgh, so what? I already told you before: I sometimes go all day and only eat in the evening, if I’m too busy.”

“The problem is that no pony’s body can function like that!” The alicorn snaps. “We aren’t designed to go all day running ourselves into the ground! You’re acting like it’s nothing whenever you pass out.
Or get dizzy.
Or that your hair is always falling out.
Or how you get cold all the time.
Or that you never grow an actual winter coat.
All of that are signs that something is wrong, but it’s become so normal for you that it hardly even matters to you anymore.”

Rainbow goes quiet for a while, for the first time in her life truly considering the weight of her actions and way of thinking. It does sound like she’d have to be an absolute idiot not to notice that she’s harming herself, when it’s all being listed off like this.

“…I don’t like eating at night, because, if I want to eat something, I need to work for it. I have to 'earn' it. For me, eating is a minor necessity, not something to enjoy or do for fun. It’s only to give me energy so I can keep going, nothing more. So there’s literally no point in eating anything at night.” She explains in a subdued voice. “Even if I do wake up hungry sometimes, it’s just not allowed, because I can’t work it off right away.”

Twilight stares at her, stunned into speechlessness. Rainbow takes a couple sips from her drink when it becomes a bit awkward. It brings the alicorn back to reality and she finishes up the last numbers in her notebook and adds them all up to a total.

“Well… I guess I know why you fainted.” She remarks nervously.

“Why?” Rainbow asks, sitting up to look, but Twilight hides it with her hooves.

“What total result did you get to?” She asks.

“…does this count too?” Rainbow asks, pointing to her half eaten portion. Twilight shakes her head. “3120.”

Twilight looks even more stricken now. “2785.”

Rainbow’s jaw drops at the much lower number. “What? Seriously?” She asks in disbelief, and is finally allowed to look over the notes. “Are you sure you didn’t forget anything?”

“Not unless you ate or drank something in secret.” The alicorn deadpans.

Rainbow frowns at some of the individual numbers, and decides to check the accuracy with the nutrition book. Twilight lets her.
She quickly realises what the problem is, especially when she checks from what year this book was published.
“I guess I’m not up to date.” She turns to the alicorn. “I got a little pocket book like that, back when I was a filly. I’ve memorised those, but it looks like there’s been some changes since then.”
She’s just not entirely sure if she could trust these different numbers. It feels like cheating when they’re not as high anymore.

Rainbow expects for Twilight to say something like ‘well that explains it’.
Instead, Twilight’s eyes widen at that information, feeling like her heart just broke. “W-Who gave you such a book, at such a young age?”

“My parents.” Dash replies simply, not understanding the problem. “I wanted to learn about nutrition, because I knew that athletes were on special diets and all that.”

Twilight closes her eyes, utterly crushed. “I knew that you had to get those numbers from somewhere. I just didn’t think it was so early on.”

“…what do you mean…?” Dash asks, getting the feeling that she’s done something wrong.

Twilight sighs. “I’m just… sad, that you started obsessing over this stuff so young. I just get the feeling that it’s robbed a lot of your life, since your fillyhood… How old were you when you got that book? Do you remember?”

“I don’t know. Like 6 or 7?” Rainbow guesses. A couple of years before they all got their cutie marks.

Twilight thinks back to when she was that age. “I was just getting the hang of basic levitation back then. Learning spells with Shining Armor, reading up on everything I could to learn about magic.” She reminisces. A lovely childhood, filled with joy and a healthy thirst for knowledge, long before her life was turned upside down after passing her test and getting Spike.

That’s when Rainbow finally understands what she meant. “…I was trying to improve my flying skills, getting laughed at every time I crashed… I bet they would have lost it if they’d known that my dream was to become a world class athlete, and once I learned about the Wonderbolts, I just knew what I wanted to achieve in life… And I did everything I could to get there…”
When she shares a look with Twilight again, they both look equally sad. “I-I never saw anything wrong with… with the way…” she couldn’t bring herself to finish that sentence.
“It was all just… an innocent hobby. It was just something I had, and I thought it made me better.”

“You couldn’t have known that it would end up like this.” Twilight gently reassures. She almost wants to blame Dash’s parents for it, but knows that it wouldn’t solve anything. In a way, she figures that it was probably in the same manner as when her own parents got her the books on more advanced spells and the history of magic, that led to her isolating herself from other ponies. At least she’d had Shining Armor, so she wasn’t totally alone.

Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, is an only child, who didn’t have any real friends until much later. From what Rainbow has told them long ago, her and Gilda only ever saw each other during the Junior Speedsters Flight Camp, and she didn’t form a real relationship with Fluttershy for years. Maybe because she thought that she didn’t actually need anypony else, as long as she had those numbers to focus on…?
Twilight wonders if this social isolation is perhaps playing a role in the pegasus’ unfiltered, brutal honesty, and not really understanding the concept of social norms. During the first years of the group’s friendship, Rainbow has had to learn a lot, much like Twilight, herself.

Rainbow briefly covers her face with her hooves. “I just feel so stupid.”

“I promise you, you’re not. You’re absolutely brilliant. Having a disorder doesn’t change that.” Twilight tells her seriously. “Eating disorders can happen to anyone. That doesn’t make you weak, or stupid, or worth any less.”

Dash only sighs sadly, her eyes falling on the books again. “I can’t even do this right.” She complains.

Twilight looks back and forth between the desk and her friend. “…Would it help if you memorised this newer edition?”

The pegasus throws her an unsure glance. “Would that be a good idea?”

The logical part of her wants to say no, obviously. Obsessing over these numbers all over again won’t help.
But something tells Twilight that logic won’t solve his, either. Maybe she understands it a bit too well.

If you can’t prevent it, then at least make sure that it’ll happen in the safest way possible.

“I feel like it’s much too deep-rooted at this point, after all those years. So if you’re going to count, anyways, then I want you to at least get it as accurate as possible. Maybe a refresher can help with that.” And with that, she closes the nutrition book and holds it out to her.

Still, Rainbow hesitates. “What if I can stop? I’ve managed to not focus on it at all for a while, because I didn’t need to count the same meals over and over again. I want to try to… not do it anymore.”

Twilight smiles at this turn of events, taking the book to herself again. “Then that’s absolutely fine. But if you do end up counting again, you’re always welcome to have a look.”

“Thanks, but I think I’ll pass. At least for now.” Rainbow replies. “It’s just… Knowing that I’m off so much, anyways, makes me feel like I shouldn’t bother trying to count, in the first place.” She pauses and frowns. “Is that… weird?”

Twilight shakes her head. “Not at all.”

“Life isn’t much fun like that, with so many rules to follow all the time…” She admits.

“That’s because it’s not actually living.” Twilight replies knowingly. “In fact: it’s barely surviving.”

Now knowing how she’s been unknowingly hurting herself for over a decade, Rainbow nods.
“It’s time to start living.” She announces, before grabbing another cucumber slice from the salad, and Twilight does the same with her magic, the two friends sharing a Toast of sorts.

“Time to start living.” The alicorn agrees, and they both munch away, before breaking into a fit of giggles at the absurdity of it.

Author's Note

Merry Christmas / Happy Hanukkah everyone :heart:

Unfortunately my whole family, including myself, has come down with Covid for the very first time, and my asthma is not a fan.

Take care, y’all 🫶🏻🖤

Chapter 44

Spike is woken up from sleep by giggling and the sound of water splashing. Confused, he tries to rub the sleep from his eyes, and is annoyed to find that it’s barely after 2 in the morning. He hates leaving his warm, cozy bed, but after today, he better go and make sure the two ~~idiots~~ are okay.
He throws the blanket off him and trudges off to investigate. “What are those two up to now…” He grumbles sleepily to himself.

He finds the girls in the bathroom, Dash in the bathtub, her wings splashing water at Twilight, who is standing behind her, outside of the tub, trying and failing to shampoo the colourful mane.

“Hold still!” Twilight says, still laughing.

“I can’t! It tickles!” Dash calls out between her own laughter, and her wings splash and flick more water. She’s obviously not doing it on purpose, and in actuality trying to keep her wings from twitching like this.

“What is going on in here?!” Spike demands, causing both girls to freeze. The dim lights are still too bright for his sleepy eyes, so he can barely keep them open to glare at the girls.

“Sorry, Spike.” Twilight apologises.

“Yeah, sorry. We didn’t mean to wake you up.” Dash adds.

He sighs tiredly. “Why are you even up at this hour?”

“Bad dream…” Twilight confesses, looking away.

“You too?” Rainbow asks in surprise. She hadn’t even considered until now, why Twilight had been awake and checked up on her.

“And why are you having a bath, at two in the morning?” Spike asks next.

“Rainbow had some… problems, earlier, and it made her sweat a lot.” Twilight explains casually.

That softens up the dragon. “Are you okay?” He asks the pegasus in concern.

“Yeah… I’m okay now.” She replies wholeheartedly.

“Alright… in that case,” he yawns and stretches, “I’m going back to bed. And you two should too.”

“Will do.” Dash promises.

“Good night, Spike.”

“Good night, you two.” He says in goodbye, before leaving the two to themselves and going back to his bed.
Twilight gets started on rinsing off the mane, and helps Dash out and get dried off.

“…what did you dream about?” Rainbow hesitantly asks as she’s rubbed down with a towel. It pauses for a moment.

“Nothing.” Twilight says, continuing to dry off the pegasus.

Rainbow grabs it with her hoof, stopping her. “Twi.”

She sighs. “It was… you.” She starts. “Well, not really you. Just…” she swallows painfully. “What could have been, if… if you didn’t recover…”

All at once, Rainbow realises why Twilight had been so upset about her minor weight loss, and her saying that she doesn’t mind it too much. That must have been like rubbing salt into a wound she hadn’t known got re-opened.

“Urgh, I’m sorry.” She apologises, and lets go of the towel again. She once again wonders how much pain and suffering her friends would have been spared, had she never gotten this stupid disease.

Twilight continues drying her coat. “Don’t be… it’s not your fault my brain thought it had to catastrophise so much today.” She pauses before correcting herself, “or, well, yesterday.” She shakes her head at herself and finishes up with her towel work.

Rainbow decides against saying that it is her own fault. When she watches Twilight hang up the towel, her brain takes note of the mirror above the sink in her peripheral, and like a moth drawn to light, she steps in front of it on autopilot.

Her eyes trail down her own reflection, the first thing catching her eye is still the fur around her chest, still the slightest bit curly from being a bit damp.
Twilight wordlessly joins her side, and the comparison helps Rainbow see a noticeable difference.

“I’m not.. too thin, am I?” She carefully asks the alicorn after a bit of just taking in the details and differences in their builds.

“I’m not sure if I should answer that.” Twilight says. In her eyes, every dip in the skin, and bump of bone showing through without being hidden by the fur, is screaming ‘too thin’.
Where Rainbow is seemingly blind to the little tells and hints of her approaching under-weight, Twilight almost hallucinates the pegasus as emaciated, despite knowing full well that she couldn’t have lost that much weight already.

Rainbow sighs and turns on the spot so she could see herself from the side. Compared to Twilight, thanks to their height and weight differences, Dash looks almost like a scrawny school filly next to her, rather than a full fledged Wonderbolt. “I don’t plan on losing any more weight, if that helps.” She tells her honestly.

Twilight carefully assumes that Dash is seeing herself without distortion right now, and hopes that this decision is not going to be drawn back the next time her brain tries to destroy all their progress. “Thanks…”

“In fact, I think I’d better put on some until the Gala. I don’t want Spitfire to get suspicious.” Rainbow adds, lifting up her wing and frowning at the visible outlines of her last couple of ribs — even the longer, but too thin, fur can only do so much to cover them up.

The sight becomes too much for the lavender alicorn. “We should go to bed.” Twilight decides coldly, doing some last cleaning up in the bathroom. She doesn’t make any comment or remark to what Dash has said, and her silence says enough.

Rainbow accepts that this is obviously still a raw topic for the alicorn and drops it. “Yeah, we really should.” She agrees, and the two walk back to their bedrooms, where Rainbow takes one look at her own, pet-less, empty bed, and freezes. “Uhm…”

“What is it?” Twilight asks, turning back to look at her. “Do you need anything?”

“It’s just…” Rainbow trails off awkwardly. She sighs. “I-I don’t want to sleep alone…” She admits shyly. “…I hate being all alone…” She adds in a near silent murmur.

Oh.. of course. Twilight thinks. Why didn’t I think of that?
It’s not a surprise, knowing what loneliness usually entails for the pegasus, when the only company she has is that terrible voice in her head, and since she doesn’t have Tank anymore to keep her actual company, of course she’s going to have trouble falling asleep.

“Come on, then.” She beckons her to follow her into her own, larger bedroom.

“You’re sure you don’t mind…?” Rainbow asks.

“Not at all.” Twilight promises. “And.. honestly, I’d feel better if I’m close by. You know, in case something like earlier happens again.”

I sure hope it doesn’t happen again. That was terrifying. Rainbow muses unhappily to herself, subconsciously rubbing at her chest for a moment. Her heart is still beating normally ever since she took that remedy, and the symptoms of her body crashing are pretty much gone again after the midnight snack.
The only thing telling her that something is wrong, is her disordered brain urging her to go exercise or do 'something' to rectify her mistake of daring to consume calories during the night.

She joins the alicorn, the girls easily getting into the same positions in the bed as the last couple of nights — close, but not overbearingly so. Rainbow still chooses to lay with her back against Twilight’s chest, to make it easier to get out of bed in case she has to get up.

Sleep is still far from her mind, though. Apart from the urges to get the hell out of bed and work out, Rainbow is left once again wondering if she’d been the right choice as Tank’s owner.

He’s her first pet, and he definitely hadn’t been the obvious choice. She’s made many mistakes at first, having barely known anything about reptile care, and reptiles in general.

She hasn’t been able to care for him for months, and even if Fluttershy didn’t mind, and he’d been in the best of care, Rainbow still hates the fact that she truly wouldn’t have had the focus and energy to take the best care of him during her recovery.

A pet is a big responsibility and commitment. And now that she’s a Wonderbolt, she will probably have to leave him in Fluttershy’s care again for weeks or even months on end, when they go on tour. She couldn’t exactly bring a tortoise across Equestria with her.
It’s something that she hadn’t even thought about before, and it’s not fair to him.

“What are you thinking about?” Twilight asks suddenly, startling her.

“How’d you know I’m still awake?” Rainbow asks, startled.

“Really? Rainbow, I’ve been monitoring your vitals for the past two nights. I know when you’re asleep.”

“Oh… right…”

“So, what’s on your mind? I can practically hear you thinking.”

Dash sighs softly. “Am I a terrible pet owner?” She asks straight out.

“What? No. What makes you think that?” Twilight asks, puzzled how she got to that conclusion.

“I just feel bad that I had to let Fluttershy take over for me for so long. And now…” she has to hold her breath for a moment to not tear up again. “I won’t see him again for months.”

“Would you think that I’m a bad pet owner if had to give Owlowiscious to Fluttershy for weeks or months, if I’m dealing with something that demands my whole attention and it’s vital that I get through it?” Twilight asks hypothetically.

“But.. isn’t he a wild animal, anyways?” Rainbow asks. The owl just comes and goes whenever he wants, usually only staying indoors during particularly cold or stormy weather.

“Yes, but if he wasn’t, would you think less of me for putting myself first?”

“Well.. no.”

“See? And we both know that Fluttershy will do everything in her power to make sure that every creature is getting the same love and attention. Tank was in the most capable hooves, just waiting until he could be with you again. He still loves you all the same, Rainbow.” Twilight says knowingly, having witnessed the strong bond between the two.
“And just the fact that you are questioning if you’re a good pet owner, is already proof enough that you are. Otherwise you wouldn’t be thinking and worrying about it.”

“I miss him so much already.” The pegasus admits croakily. “Maybe I was just too stuck in my own head, or I just knew that he’d be fine with Fluttershy. I… I didn’t worry about him much, when he was in her care. Because I knew where he was, and that Fluttershy knows everything about him; his likes and dislikes, his favourite food, how he likes to lay in the sun first thing in the morning, that sort of thing.
But now, he’s buried into the ground, alone, and I never know if I’ll ever see him again. Do you know how many reptiles never wake up from hibernation?” She asks, and Twilight finds herself shaking her head, brushing up against the messy rainbow mane.
“I’m just afraid that… this will have been the last time we saw each other. That this was his last year alive, and he had to spend most of it without me, and maybe thinking that I didn’t want him anymore.” Her voice cracks at all edges as she finally blinks a tear from her eye, trailing down until it dampens the pillow beneath her head.

“Rainbow…” Twilight whispers, shocked and just completely taken aback by this sudden turn of conversation. She tries to clear her throat against the sudden tightness she feels there. “You know… before I woke up, earlier, Princess Luna showed me Tank’s dream. He’s alive and happily dreaming about you two just flying in the air together.”

A small sniffle. “You mean it? You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?”

“Mhmm. I wouldn’t lie to you about this.”

Even though she couldn’t see it, Twilight feels like a weight has been lifted off of Rainbow, an aura of heartfelt positivity now spreading freely.

“Maybe I could join him for real.” The pegasus says half jokingly.

“Maybe.” Twilight agrees. Luna can create shared dreams, so this should be easily possible for her to do, if she’s got a free minute.

For now, she’ll just have to dream about them being together, by herself. One could only hope that her brain won’t create another horrific nightmare, instead.

Twilight cuddles ever so slightly closer to the pegasus, closing her own eyes, allowing the solid fact that Rainbow is right here, alive and well, to ease her mind into relaxing.

They both fall asleep within minutes, and there were no more nightmares plaguing them for the rest of the night.

Rainbow is, surprisingly, the first one to wake up the next morning. Despite the very emotionally taxing, and much too short night, she feels like she needs to finally get up and do something worthwhile.

She carefully extracts herself from the still sleeping pony next to her. Seeing the peacefully sleeping alicorn, her face free from any worry-lines, brings a rare, genuine smile to her face. Maybe she could do something nice for her?

What does Twilight like? She wonders, then rolls her eyes at herself. Books and lists and magic spells. Duh.
But besides that…
Okay, different plan. What do normal ponies like?
She thinks for a moment, and figures that she might as well do some housework. She silently sneaks away and checks out the castle, but finds it dust free, the windows clean, and the whole interior practically sparkling.

A new idea pops into her mind. Now that she’s become used to eating at regular times (more or less), perhaps she could surprise her friends with breakfast in bed. After all, Twilight has done so many times for her, although the pressure of having to eat something before even getting out of bed had made her very unappreciative of the gesture.
Without further ado, she ventures into the kitchen.

“Okay. What to do.. what to do…” She whispers to herself. She’s not a great cook, or even a remotely good one, to be honest. But surely she could make something simple. “I helped Spike make those high protein pancakes. That could work.” She figures, remembering where the flour is kept. She takes it out, places the pack on top of the counter and opens it.

Right. I’ll need a pan, and a bowl to mix it. What else… Eggs, duh. She recalls the egg carton on the top shelve in the fridge. She opens said fridge, and is dismayed to find that she’s not tall enough to reach them. Urgh. How does Spike-

She sees the small step stool over in the corner. Right… Unfortunately, it’s too small for her to use. Then she gets frustrated at herself. I’m a pegasus, for Pete’s sake! The sky is the limit.

Still, she’s reluctant to actually use her wings. She’s only recently starting to fly inside the castle again, low enough so she could easily land on her hooves if she were to fall, and only with Twilight when they’re flying outside. She’s absolutely itching to fly, but the fear in the back of her head still keeps her firmly on the ground more often than not.

It’s taking a toll on her sensitive hooves. She’s normally almost always flying, only landing and walking if it’s necessary or the only appropriate way of transportation and socially accepted. This aversion is partially due to her pegasus anatomy, which comes with the different bone structure and softer hooves than an earth pony for example.
Rainbow is particularly sensitive, hence why she hates others touching her hooves, and especially hoof files. She couldn’t stand the feel of certain textures, something that she’s never told anyone about, for fear that she’d no longer be seen as the cool, unstoppable, daring daredevil, if they knew that most door mats send shivers up her spine.

It’s a major struggle for her, whenever she really couldn’t go any longer without at least doing the bare minimum. Whereas Rarity would probably spend every day at the spa to get her hooves done, Rainbow barely manages to do basic maintenance maybe once a month.
She just really, really couldn’t handle the sensations, the scraping noises, any of it. And until now, her efforts had been enough, most of the time.

When she was first grounded from starvation, she hadn’t been very active, barely even walking around the castle a bit. Now she’s a lot more active, and the floors and hard ground outside are obviously not the soft clouds she’s used to from growing up in Cloudsdale.

In short: her hooves are starting to get sore, as though she’d spent an hour bucking apples from trees. But there’s no way she is going to admit that to anyone. They would probably just laugh at something so silly.
'The pegasus who practically never walks, getting sore hooves from not flying everywhere for a while. That’s just what she gets from always hovering above everyone else.'

Rainbow shakes away the thoughts and starts to flap her wings, until she’s finally high enough to reach the eggs.
Unbeknownst to her, the gusts of wind are causing the flour to slowly puff in the air and spread out in the room.
“Now, where was that book…” she mutters to herself, setting down the eggs carton on the counter, checking the overhead cupboards to look for the cook book with the recipe she needs. If she can follow a step by step guide, surely nothing could go wrong, even with her being the cook.

“Where is that book…?” She wonders in slowly growing frustration, still hovering in the air and slowly but surely caking the surfaces with flour. “Argh! I’ll just check in the library.” And with that, she zooms out and flies to the library in five seconds, the kitchen now looking like a shaken snow globe as the whirled up flour slowly settles again. A bit of said flour is sticking to her coat as well, leaving a slight trail in her wake.

In the library, she searches for a section about cooking. “Cook book… cook book… ‘The Best Delicacies of Prance’ — Nope. What is that, ‘Cooking For Dummies’? Excuse me?” She shakes her head. “Maybe it’s in the health section..?” She looks for that next, but finds no such section anywhere near her. “Oh come on! In what way does that pony sort these books?! Nothing here makes any sense!” She complains. “Who puts Algebra next to Geography? And… ‘The History of Fillydelphia’? Urgh!”

She takes a breath to calm herself down. “Never mind. I’m just gonna wing it. What’s the worst that could happen?” She asks and flies back into the flour-covered kitchen.
“Oh boy… how did that happen?” Right as she asks it, her flapping wings cause some of it to swirl in the air again, and she has to cough. “Right… that’s how.” She carefully lands and folds her wings to her sides again. “I’ll clean that up later.” She decides. Breakfast is her current priority. (Never in a million years would she have thought that possible.)

If I don’t have the recipe for those protein ones, I’ll just make regular pancakes instead. Can’t be that difficult. Her brain is sending out alarms at choosing to make something that would be considered a ‘fear food’, and is already trying to estimate the calories of such pancakes. I don’t have to eat them, though. They’re for Twilight, and maybe Spike if we got some left by the time he’s up.

She mixes a good amount of flour, eggs and water in a bowl. Once the batter is done, she brings the pan onto the stove.
I feel like I’m forgetting something… something important…
She tries to think of what that could be, but has to suddenly sneeze from all the flour still around, which in turn causes more of it to briefly float in the air again.
“I can’t think in this mess.” She remarks, as though it’s the room’s own fault for being so messy. “Oh well. Here goes nothing.”

She fills the pan with what she hopes is enough to make a normal sized pancake (fighting the instinct to make it as small as possible and reminding herself that these are not for herself), and watches it bubbling for a moment.

Barely ten seconds of watching it, she’s already too bored to just stand there. “Ah, I can probably go and get a broom while this… does its thing.” She figures, throwing the sizzling pan and pale, still liquid-y batter a glance, being mindful to walk and not fly out, almost slipping on the flour on the floor. “Oof, sheesh, I really better clean this up now.” She throws the pan a last glance from the distance. “It’ll be fine. I’m fast, I’ll be right back.”

Once she’s out in the hall, though, she falters. “Where was that broom closet…” she asks the empty hallway, which only features way too many doors than they have a right to exist.

Dash quickly zipps to, and checks, each and every door until she finally finds the broom closet. “Oh, finally.” She grabs a broom and turns back around, only to find dark smoke coming from the kitchen door.
“Oh no…” She nervously mutters to herself with her ears folded back.

Holding on to the broom stem with her wing against her body, she runs back into the kitchen, only to slip and slide on the still slippery floor and, crash right into Spike’s step stool by the wall. To add insult to injury, the broom’s end had hit the pan’s handle with enough force to send it dropping on the floor with the loudest crash in pony history.

“Oooh, ponyfeathers…” Rainbow curses with a wince, trying to massage her ringing ears while squeezing her eyes shut against the flour that’s been whirled up again.

Of course she is soon joined by two very panicked friends, who startle at the state of the kitchen and the, currently more white than blue, pegasus in the corner.

“What in Equestria happened in here?!”

“I-I can expl-ACHOO!”

Twilight rolls her eyes. With one big, purple flash the mess is cleaned up, leaving the kitchen looking pristine and the pegasus free of flour and back to her normal colours.

Thoroughly embarrassed, she gets back up on her hooves, letting out a nervous chuckle at the expectant stares. “I was trying to surprise you…”

“Well, I’d say you definitely managed to do that.” Spike deadpans.

Rainbow throws him a brief glare. “With breakfast in bed.” She finishes pointedly. “But… it didn’t really go according to plan…” She adds, hanging her head with her ears back in shame. “Sorry…”

Twilight takes some deep breaths to calm down before speaking. “I appreciate the gesture, and I’m glad that nothing worse happened.”

“The next time you want to do something like that, just come get me, if it will save us from finding the kitchen on fire first thing in the morning.” Spike chides.

“Spike, there was no fire.” Twilight corrects. “But what happened to cause the smoke?” She asks curiously.

“I have no idea.” Rainbow replies.

Spike inspects the ingredients and utensils, now in a neat row on the counter, and quickly realises that something is missing. “Where’s the oil? Or butter? For the pan.”

Dash’s eyes widen in realisation. Oh, THAT’S what it was! “Whoops..?”

The dragon rolls his eyes. “I’m taking over.” He declares, test-tasting the batter.

Much to Rainbow’s dismay, she did end up having to eat those normal pancakes with the others, after all.

It shouldn’t matter if they have a high or low protein content. It’s one breakfast, it won’t make a big difference. Yes, it’s more calories than she’d prefer, but the day has only just begun, and even with her trying not to count them, it’s not like she’s already over her limit.

And yet, just the knowledge of this small detail is all she could think about, afterwards. The desire to get sick is keeping her strictly unmoving from where she’s curled up in the study, not daring to so much as get up.

She’s tempted to take a look at the nutrition book, get a more accurate estimate of how many unnecessary extra calories she’s consumed, compared to what she would have had with the protein version.
Just the thought makes her want to get them back out of her system even more urgently.

She never wants to eat anything ever again.

It makes her mad, that she still has to deal with these urges and thoughts. She’s trying to recover, so why is she still tempted to ruin her progress?

Twilight has to go through some princess stuff that the pegasus couldn’t give a flying feather about right now, so they’re both just sharing space in the same room, neither of them saying a word.

Once the alicorn is finally done with her paperwork, she takes note of her very displeased friend. “You know that you can do something to pass the time, right? You don’t have to simply stay in one position the whole time.”

Rainbow moans at that and covers her face with her wings for a moment. “Trust me, if I could think of anything else, I would gladly do something.”

Tilting her head in momentary confusion, Twilight comes to her side and takes a seat. “What’s going through your head?”

“You do not want to know.” Dash declares seriously. She remains in her curled up position, as though she’s trying to make herself as small as possible.

“Maybe it’ll help if you tell someone.” Twilight offers softly. “As strange as it sounds, it might help you deal with whatever the voice is telling you, if you say it out loud.”
After all, she’s been through this with Spike many times before, when she was convinced that the world was going to end if she didn’t do a certain thing.

“How is that supposed to help anything?” Dash asks, throwing her a questioning look. “It’ll just prove even more how insane I am.”

“You are not any more insane than I am.” Twilight says seriously. “Just give it a try.”

Dash sighs, annoyed. “Fine.” She takes a moment to gather her thoughts, before taking in a large breath. She doesn’t dare look anywhere near Twilight as she recites the thoughts rapid-fire, that have been going through her mind for the past Celestia-knows-how-many minutes.

“Why did you eat that? What have you done? What makes you think that you could have something so unhealthy? Are you trying to become obese? I thought you wanted to get into shape, so why do you eat like you’re just a fat idiot?
Why can’t you follow the simplest rules? You’re such an idiot. Keep eating like this and you’ll never fly again, you’re not a Wonderbolt and you never will be.”

She sighs, regarding Twilight again. “Want me to continue? Because it gets worse.” She warns.

The alicorn stares at her with her jaw dropped. She gulps, but nods at her to go on.

Rainbow awkwardly shifts for a moment, still not daring to get up. “The reason I’m not doing anything else here, to 'pass the time', is that I’m too tempted to… to uh… 'be sick'.” She admits quietly. She squeezes her eyes together in her frustration. “I shouldn’t even be thinking about this!” She exclaims, before covering her head with her fore-hooves. “Why does recovery have to be so hard…?”

“Things that are being killed, scream the loudest.” Twilight quotes. “You are essentially trying to kill off something that’s been part of you for the majority of your life — of course it’ll try to keep itself alive by getting ‘louder’.”

Rainbow peeks up at her with one eye. “You’re making it sound like this thing is an actual entity.”

“In a way, it is.” Twilight says. “Or would you say that those thoughts are your own?”

“…no.”

“No, because then you wouldn’t have to fight those thoughts in the first place. I think what you need right now is a distraction.” Twilight suggests. “Eating disorders are a lot like addictions. And when it comes to recovering from addictions, we got four D’s:
Delay, Distract, De-Stress, and Decide.
You’ve managed to delay a relapse, and now we’re going to do the rest.”

“How?” Rainbow asks.

Twilight smiles. “We’re going for a fly.” She opens her wings for emphasis.

The pegasus still looks unsure. She might be forced to work it all off if she tries flying right now.

There’s a knock on the door, before Spike looks inside. “You two are still in here?”

“Not for much longer.” Twilight says matter of factly. “We’re just about to take to the sky. Right, Rainbow?”

“Urgh, fine…” Rainbow grumbles and gets up.

That’s when Twilight gets an even better idea, to help Rainbow even further. “Actually, how about you join us, Spike? You haven’t seen a sunset from above the clouds yet, have you?”

A bit taken aback by the sudden change, he only shakes his head. “No, I haven’t. You two want me to come with you?” He asks, seeing the glint in his sister’s eyes that tells him that she’s got an idea.

“Yes.” Twilight replies, motioning for Rainbow to come with her.

“Sure, why not.” Only, when Spike makes to get up on her back, as he’s used to, Twilight halts him.

“You’ll be flying with Rainbow.” She explains, which surprises the others.

“What?!” They both exclaim.

“It will give you something to focus on: not having him fall off your back. And you’ll see that a little bit of added weight won’t affect your flying at all.” Twilight explains calmly. “Unless you don’t want to, of course. I know you’re not used to having him on your back.”

Spike looks nervously back and forth between the two. “Uh, do I get a say in this at all? What if something goes wrong, like, she has another episode or something?” He asks, gesturing to the pegasus.

“I’ll be right there with you and can catch you if something happens.” Twilight reassures. “Besides, you might enjoy getting to fly with somepony a lot more skilled than me.”

Rainbow shrugs. “It’s fine with me, but he can’t hold on to my mane.” She says, referring to the fact that she’s already losing enough hair as it is. “Let me put something on, then we can go.”

A bit later, the three friends are up in the sky. Rainbow is wearing one of Rarity’s outfits so Spike has something to hold on to, while also protecting her from the cold air.

Like Twilight said, she’s mostly busy focusing on the new weight on her back, which has the added bonus of keeping away her worries about both falling and the food she’s consumed.

Spike is a bit wary about being so high up, since the last time he’d flown on Twilight’s back hadn’t ended too well for him. But he quickly grows confident in the pegasus’ much more skilled flying abilities, and gets to enjoy the colourful spectacle of the early setting autumn/winter sun.

“Whoa.” He remarks in awe, and even playfully stretches out a hand to touch a nearby cloud as they fly past. The movement catches Rainbow by surprise, but she’s quick to adjust so he doesn’t fall off.

“Hold on.” Rainbow warns before pulling up a bit so she could land on the next, higher cloud. She lands a bit more roughly than intended, but Spike easily stays on her back.

“You okay?” He asks, worried that something is wrong.

Twilight lands next to them, thanks to the clouds being so large. “What’s wrong?”

“That’s the thing: nothing.” Rainbow says, a smile on her face. “I think I’m ready to fly for real.”

“Just… don’t do anything dangerous with Spike on your back.” Twilight pleads.

“I can get on you? Let Dash do whatever she wants.” Spike offers.

“Nah. I’ll be careful, promise. But I have a feeling that you’ll enjoy this, Spike.” Rainbow says. When she feels him grabbing hold of the collar of her shirt again, she spreads her wings wide, and with a bit of a running start, takes off.

Until now, she’s played it safe, only flying as fast (or rather: slow) as Twilight could, so she was always within close distance if she were to fall. In all the flying sessions they’ve done, Rainbow has never once actually fallen, which definitely helps her with overcoming the fear of it happening again.

True to her word, she doesn’t fly loopings, or spins in corkscrews, or anything else that could endanger Spike, but she does fly higher and faster than she has in a while.

She gives her wings a rest by just gliding for a while, simply enjoying the wind brushing through her hair and feathers. It gives Twilight a chance to catch up with her again, the alicorn just glad to see her friend so at ease again.

Rainbow looks over to her as they fly and glide next to each other.
True friends aren’t the ones who make your problems disappear.
They’re the ones who don’t disappear when you’re facing problems.

Grinning to herself, she starts to sing:

“A true, true friend helps a friend in need~”

Twilight quickly catches on and sings the next line.

“A friend will be there to help you see~”

Together, they harmonise.

“A true, true friend helps a friend in need,
to see the liiiight~
That shines from a true, truuueee friend~”

They both laugh and fly down to land on another large cloud to take a break. The ponies lie down next to each other, just enjoying the view, as they have gotten used to simply cherishing these moments of peace and being free of their worries, and allowing Spike to do the same this time.

Author's Note

ADHD - 1, Dash - 0 🥞🍳

A last, slightly humorous chapter before the year is over.
Thank you guys for all the love and well-wishes 🫶🏻 I seriously appreciate you all so much!
May the next year bring much joy to us all :heart:

Chapter 45 Author's Note

This chapter turned out to be more difficult to write than expected, oof.

All I’m gonna say is: the struggle is real.

Chapter 45

When it’s finally the weekend, Twilight is practically splitting herself in two, trying to simultaneously follow three checklists at once while also packing the bags.

“Are three blankets enough or should I pack four? Oh, I’ll just bring five…” she rambles as she magically stuffs said amount of blankets into a bag.

“Twilight. We got blankets and pillows at the castle.” Rainbow points out, utterly unimpressed.

“Oh my gosh, pillows!” The alicorn exclaims, desperately scanning through her long list of supplies. “I forgot about pillows!”

Why not bring the entire bedroom at this rate?
“Twilight, stop!” Dash finally snaps. “We got everything that we need! We left enough pillows and blankets at the castle when we were working on restoring it!” She points out. “You have been at this since four in the morning!”

Twilight sighs, rolling up the scrolls. “Fine. I just have one decision that I need you to make: nuts or no nuts?”

What she really means is ‘are nuts still a fear food?’.

Rainbow hesitates, and even when she eventually replies, it doesn’t really answer her indirect question.
“You can pack whatever you want, too, you know?”

Twilight then watches her walk away, clearly not in the mood to be discussing this topic. The alicorn sighs, and decides to pack a bag of nuts, along with a large assortment of Rainbow’s safe-foods, just in case.
As she levitates those into the saddle bags — a spell cast on them to be able to fit way more things than physically possible — she thinks with furrowed brows how it’s still not as big of a variety as she would like.

Before the group is going to meet up, Rainbow pays Tank’s spot another brief visit. It seems silly, since it’s not like she’s any closer to him if she’s at Twilight’s castle or somewhere else, but she at least wants to tell him where she’s going, and that she’ll be back in a few days.
One could only hope that he even heard her.

The girls and Spike all meet up in front of the castle. Rarity didn’t pack an entire spa and hotel for once, a fact that Applejack is more than happy to point out.

“Laugh it up, Applejack. But no-pony come crying to me when you chip your hoof and we don’t have any files or hoof polish.” The fashionista declares haughtily, eliciting another giggle from the farm pony, and a certain cyan pegasus to grimace wholeheartedly at the thought.

At the very least it seems to be a warmer day, today. Rainbow is dressed up in just a short sleeve shirt, mostly to keep her different coat hidden from others, not in the mood to attract attention regarding her body and appearance in any way, and it’s enough to keep her cozy.

“Alright, girls.” Twilight starts, grabbing everyone’s attention. “We have to stop by Zecora’s, and then we’ll go to the castle.”

“Why do we have to visit Zecora again?” Rainbow asks, confused.

“I wanted to grab more of her remedies, just in case.” Twilight explains.

“But I’m fine.”

“It’s better to be prepared, than have an emergency with nothing to fix it.”

That gets the others’ attention.

“Sorry, what emergency are we talking about, Twilight darling?” Rarity asks, and a couple worried glances are thrown at Rainbow, who sheepishly looks away.

“Should we be worried?” Fluttershy asks anxiously.

Twilight sighs, feeling like she should have not said anything. Then again, if the others know what to look for, they could help much faster, should Rainbow have another 'heart episode'.
“It’s just that Rainbow has been off the pills that dampen her metabolic rate for only a few days now. It’s going to take a while before her body has found its balance again, and until then, the faster metabolism is making her autonomous nervous system — which controls things like heart rate, blood pressure, body temperature, digestion, everything you don’t have to think about — go a bit haywire sometimes.”

A round of surprised and deeply concerned looks are thrown amongst the girls.

Rainbow groans. “Urgh, guys, I’m fine. I swear.” She says, and starts to fly above her friends, as proof.

“Well… If you’re sure…” Rarity says hesitantly.

Twilight nods. “If she says that she’s okay, then I trust her.”

“Me too!” Spike agrees from next to her. Twilight crouches down a bit, allowing him to hop onto her back.

Rainbow smiles gratefully down at them, and leads the way toward the Everfree forest.

It’s bright enough for Twilight to safely teleport all non-pegasi, herself and Spike across the poison joke field. Albeit annoying, it’s definitely the safer route to take.
They quickly get what they needed, and make their way to the Castle of the Two Sisters.

The girls mostly pass the time with small talk, which quickly becomes like nails on a chalkboard for Rainbow to listen to, especially when Rarity explains every detail of her hoof-treatment at the spa, and she voluntarily falls back from her leading position, to the very back of the group, and just talks with Applejack.

“Ah have to say, it’s nice to have ya back in the air, Dash.” The farm pony remarks with a smirk. “Feels like something’s missing when you’re not hovering above our heads all the time.”

“Thanks. I guess.” Rainbow says.

She laughs. “Just messing with ya. But for real: Ah’m glad you’re doing better.”

“Me too.” Dash replies honestly. “I just wish the thoughts would go away…”

“What thoughts?” AJ asks, looking up at the pegasus with concern.

“Just…” She tries and fails to find the right words, “eaugh… you wouldn’t really get it.”

“No, come on. Ya can tell me anything.” She promises.

Rainbow bites her lip nervously, rather looking at the passing trees than her friend. “I just… how do I put this…” she mumbles to herself. Why is this so much easier with Twilight?
Because Twilight has a personal, mutual understanding of what’s going on with her, which none of their other friends really have.

She suddenly feels a sensation like the world around her just tilted on its side, and it startles her from trying to sort her thoughts into a sentence. Without thinking twice about it, she lands roughly on the uneven, hard ground of the forest, which her sore hooves do not appreciate.
Her equilibrium recovers after just a few unsteady, dizzy side-steps.

“Ya alright, sugarcube?” Applejack asks when she sees her friend shaking her head and wincing as soon as she was on the ground.

Gritting her teeth for a moment, Rainbow stubbornly walks on. “Fine.” She says gruffly. “Just.. still getting used to my normal metabolism, is all.” She excuses, figuring that the sudden vertigo was caused by that. She doesn’t really feel off, though, and the world has stopped spinning around her, thankfully, so she figures that it was just a fluke.
She elects to stay on the ground for now, no matter how bad her hooves hurt.

Applejack keeps a watchful eye on her for a while. She may not be able to tell how every step is causing her friend pain, because Dash has an unhealthy ability to continue with a stoic expression as if nothing is wrong, but she definitely notices when the pegasus steps on a sharp little rock with her hind leg some ten minutes later, and has to hop a few steps on three legs, before trying to shake off said rock.
Unfortunately, it seems to be stuck.

The farm pony gasps in shock when she sees the state of her hoof. “Sweet Zapp Apple Jam!” She exclaims. “Don’t you ever take care of your hooves?!”

The yell causes the others to halt and turn around to see what has the earth pony so upset.

“What’s going on?” Twilight asks, coming up to Rainbow, who is still standing on three legs, and adamantly looking away from everyone. She inspects the raised back hoof and emits a soft gasp of her own.
Without a word, she gently removes the stuck, sharp rock with her magic, causing Rainbow to hiss in discomfort. Spike loudly gasps at something, before clutching his hands over his mouth in horror.

“We’ll have to bandage it.” Twilight remarks uneasily.

“No.”

“Dash, yer bleedin’, for Celestia’s sake!”

That surprises the pegasus. She tries to get a look at her injured hoof, but could only see the rock that Twilight had removed, covered in a thin layer of unmistakable blood.

Twilight has meanwhile taken out a first aid kit from one of her saddle bags. When Rainbow notices her taking out a white roll of bandages, she protectively pulls the leg up to her belly, covering it from sight with her wing lowered.

“No pony is touching my hooves!” She snaps defensively in alarm.

“Rainbow, we need to keep that wound clean. You don’t want it to get infected.” Twilight says seriously.

“I’m not a pony.” Spike pipes up. “Can I help?”

“No.” Rainbow tries to get back into the air, but Applejack is quick to grab hold of her tail, causing the pegasus to unceremoniously fall to the ground. “Ow-! Hey!”

“Quit yer belly-aching, RD. Ya gotta take better care of yer hooves.” The farmer says in a strict no nonsense manner, stepping above the pegasus’ body so she couldn’t get up.

Now that Dash is unable to get away, Twilight and the others are able to take a closer look, since the pegasus is keeping the wound from touching the ground, obviously in pain. “Applejack is right. I had no idea you were walking on cracked hooves.” She remarks gently, her voice full of concern and a bit of guilt.
It sounds like disgusting pity to Dash.

“Oh MY.” Rarity all but faints at the sight of the obviously damaged and painful hooves. “I know I said not to come to me with split hooves, but I honestly wish I had brought my emergency hoof-care kit…”

“I said no pony — and no dragon — touches my hooves!” Rainbow growls from underneath Applejack, before barking at the earth pony. “Get off me, I’ll just fly the rest of the way.”

“Well, just know that I will never ask ya to help out on the farm again, if ya can’t be bothered to keep your hooves in order.” Applejack says seriously, before stepping off of her.

Rainbow frowns, in utter disbelief at what she just said, getting back in the air. “That’s never stopped you before.” She says sourly, before taking off and flying ahead of the group again.

“Wait, what?” AJ asks, taken aback. When she looks at the others, she finds Twilight grimacing as she puts away the first aid things again. “Twilight… do ya know what she meant?”

The alicorn nods glumly. “Rainbow told me once… that you got mad at her for not helping with the apple harvest. She said that bucking trees with her hooves isn’t really her strong suit. I guess now we know why.
I have read that pegasus ponies have a different anatomy, not as sturdy hooves as the rest of us, since it’s not needed when you live in the clouds, and I guess that Dash starving herself for years has caused very brittle and fragile hooves.” She explains with a sorrow expression.

The farm pony winces and hangs her head. “Gosh, and Ah yelled at her for bein’ lazy.”

“You didn’t know.” Twilight offers. “None of us did.”

“Uhm, guys? We better get moving if we want to catch up with her.” Pinkie Pie says, pointing ahead where they couldn’t even see Dash anymore.

The others nod and try to hurry after the clearly upset pegasus.

Rainbow is quickly lost in thought, hating the way her body just had to be different — in such a negative way. She already knows that her friends will ask more questions.
She also doesn’t blame them. At least they actually care about her well-being.
Probably a lot more than she does, herself, if she’s being honest.

She takes some deep breaths, gritting her teeth at the pulsing, stabbing pain in her hind hoof. “Just my dumb luck to get hurt so easily…” she sighs, “relax.. everything is going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine. I’m not gonna let this ruin our trip..!”
She looks back down to her rear end miserably.
“I just wish they wouldn’t insist on the bandages… urgh, I just know that those will drive me crazy.”

She’d learned the hard way that even the medical grade bandages and braces that she’d wrapped half of her body in — stolen from a medic tent — back when she’d been swept up by her desire to fly with the Wonderbolts rather than make sure Ponyville qualified, were absolutely horrible for her to endure.
It had been pure determination and her immense guilt, that had allowed her to go through with her — admittedly idiotic — plan.

It’s a struggle for her to wear most shoes, only owning a few sets of boots that don’t make her back crawl at every step — which would, ironically, protect her hooves from such injuries.
She has packed a set. Maybe she could get away with just wearing those? If she absolutely has to put something on her hoof, she’d rather pick a boot than scratchy bandages any day.

She slows down to a stop, finally taking note that she’s (unintentionally) left her friends in the dust. With utmost care, and keeping the injured leg off the ground, she lands so she could grab a shoe from her bags.
The sitting position is allowing her to take a look at the damage, which she has definitely seen much worse — on herself, and in general. The wound has stopped bleeding already, so she really doesn’t understand all the fussing from her friends. However, she knows better than to walk on it and possibly re-open the wound.

As she carefully puts a boot over her sore hoof, she hears and feels a noise and sensation that she’s no longer familiar with.
Her stomach is rumbling, something that hasn’t happened to her in over two years. Very softly, and it stops after barely two seconds, but it immediately causes a panic to rise up in her.

Ooh no. No no no no, we are NOT doing this! We just had breakfast an hour ago! You are NOT hungry! She mentally scolds the organ for betraying her like this.

Either way, there is nothing she could do about it right now, anyways. Not until they are out of this dangerous forest and reach the castle.
However, knowing that she is apparently low on calories again, is leaving her on edge. She knows better than to fly on an empty stomach, really not wanting to pass out mid-air for a second time. But it’s her only form of transportation right now. She just hopes that they’ll get to the castle sooner rather than later.

She finally hears the others approaching, and goes airborne again, pretending that nothing is the matter, whilst mentally wanting to strangle her stomach, tear it out of her belly, and throw it off a cliff.
She could hear her friends talking animatedly as they get closer.
You better be quiet. For both our sakes. She gives her stomach a final warning.

“Hey, Rainbow.” Applejack calls when the friends are finally with her again. “I’m mighty sorry that I was so-”

“You don’t have to apologise.” Dash interrupts sternly. She just wants to get to the castle, not trusting her stomach to behave, and she does not want to be called out for being hungry and ignoring it. Which… is exactly what she’s doing.

Rarity throws the pegasus a look. “Rainbow Dash, it’s very rude to interrupt others when they’re trying to apologise.”

She sighs and rolls her eyes, but gestures for AJ to continue.

“Ah know ya hate this touchy-feely-stuff, but it’s not right or healthy for you to bottle things up like that.”

“Who says I’m ‘bottling up’ anything?!”

The girls all throw her a pointed look at the outburst. Even Spike is rolling his eyes from Twilight’s back.

“Look, RD, we didn’t see eye ta eye for a while when we all first got together, and Ah’ve said and done things that apparently still bother ya, so stop pretending that everything’s just forgiven and forgotten.”

“Urgh, fine, apology accepted. Can we move on, now?” She demands impatiently.

Rarity steps forward with a half angry, half concerned glare at the pegasus. “Really, Rainbow Dash! The least you could do is to actually listen! Why are you in such a hurry to-”

She gets her answer, in the form of Dash’s stomach growling a tad louder than before, which they all heard perfectly. While she wants nothing more than to disappear in her humility, the others stare at her with realisation.

It’s a surprise for Twilight and Spike especially, because for the longest time, they honestly thought that Rainbow’s stomach would never ‘wake up’ from its ‘hibernation’ like this.

“Can we please just go now…?” Rainbow asks subdued, now that the cat’s out of the bag.

“But Dashie, your belly is saying that it’s hungry and wants food.” Pinkie helpfully points out. Barely two seconds after she says it, her own stomach lets out a loud and lengthy growl that almost sounds like an angry bear. “Look! Our tummies are talking with each other!” She exclaims happily before laughing. “Hey, here’s an idea: let’s have a picnic!”

The others could see the cyan pegasus drawing in on herself the more Pinkie was talking. Something so natural and perfectly normal as a growling stomach to signal hunger, is making her wish the ground would simply swallow her whole.

Twilight has read that any and all bodily functions can be viewed as something negative, embarrassing, and even downright shameful. Part of the disorder seems to be about becoming as un-feeling and un-needing as a machine.
Practically the exact opposite of what makes out the Rainbow Dash they all know and love.

Not for the first time does Twilight wonder if they’ll ever get back the Rainbow Dash they all met years ago, when she’d been doing much better when it comes to the eating disorder. Able to laze around, to participate in parties and start food fights, and just be her un-apologetical, unfiltered self.

Twilight hasn’t realised how much Dash has changed since they first met. Some things have stayed the same, obviously, like her constant need to prove herself to others and her fragile self-esteem, but she’d been much more free, and happier.

And she wishes nothing more than for her to get that back.

“We’re not having a picnic in the middle of the Everfree Forest.” Rainbow almost growls at the party pony, the constant pain in her hoof and a newfound panic at having to eat in the forest right now is making her snap. “Who knows what dangerous creatures are watching us as we speak!”

Twilight considers this, and casts a detection spell that she’s read about, after the crocodile attack. The girls all feel a circular wave passing through them and watch it spread out until they could no longer see the purple aura. The sensation has scared off a bunch of birds, which take flight and flee from the trees with loud squawking.
“We’re safe.” She announces.

“For now.” Rainbow adds, trying to get the group to keep on moving, rather than set up camp for a picnic. She feels like she couldn’t possibly get anything down right now, too high strung, nerves still on edge from the recent surprise attack that Twi and her barely escaped in one piece. “Let’s go!”

“Awww…” Pinkie whines, and her stomach lets out another monstrous growl that causes everyone to look at her with dumbfounded and almost horrified expressions.

“Ah’m pretty sure Pinkie’s stomach is what’s scaring away all the creatures from the forest.” Applejack remarks, looking pointedly up at the cyan pegasus. “We may have to take a break now, before it decides to eat us, instead.”

Dash sighs in defeat. “Fiiiine…” She carefully lands, on her three not-as-hurt legs, joining the others.

Rarity is of course seated on a cushion, which is protected from the dirty ground by a spread out blanket, while the others simply make do with large rocks, tree stumps, and the ground itself, without a care.

Twilight starts taking out a bunch of options for Rainbow, much to her displeasure, and to the amazement of the others.

“Gally, how’d you fit all of that in there?” Applejack asks in awe, staring at the many packages that couldn’t have possibly fit into one saddle bag. Plus: said bag somehow still looks like it’s bursting full.

“Infinite storage spell.” The alicorn explains proudly. It’s a very advanced spell, and she still gets a massive confidence boost whenever she masters new, difficult spells.

“That sure would come in handy if we take Rarity camping again.” The farmer jokes.

The unicorn in question points haughtily at her own, very sparse selection, which fits into her own set of bags. “I am trying, Applejack. So I would appreciate it if you stopped pointing out my lack of experience on what one really needs on camping trips.” She replies snappily, completely ignoring the fact that she’s the only one seated on a much too fancy looking plush cushion.

Rainbow is ignoring their banter, too focused on the food options. She hates that they’re all her ‘safe’ foods, and yet, just the sight, the very idea of having to eat again already, is making her throat feel tight. She doesn’t feel like she could even swallow water right now, much less solid food.

Spike is overly happy to have a couple of green gemstones. While the others are starting to dig in and talk mindless chatter, Rainbow is still stuck staring at her options, unable to decide on anything when her mind only ever says the same word over and over again: No.

“Rainbow.” Twilight eventually says, to snap her out of the apparent trance of adding up too high numbers and telling herself that she doesn’t need any of this. “Calories don’t count, today. Only focus on the memories we’re making.”

She grimaces at the thought that all the memories she’s going to create are just going to be about her own failure to eat food and let it digest without a breakdown of some sort.

Pinkie is suddenly right next to the cyan pegasus, holding out a wrapped, full sized chocolate bar. “Chocolate?” She asks cheerfully.

When they look over, the pink party pony is holding a couple more chocolate bars, apparently having packed enough for everyone, and then some.

“Pinkie, did you only bring chocolate bars with you?!” Rainbow asks in horrified disbelief. She would never be able to understand how in Equestria that pony could eat so many sweets and pastries and cakes all the time, and never seem to gain any weight.
She has to admit that part of her is incredibly envious of her. Not the ‘eating to excess’ part, but how carefree she is, able to eat without a second thought.

Unfortunately, right now, Dash’s nerves are already laid bare by the psychological stresses, and she hates any and every pony who dares to suggest she eat anything besides even the strictest, least caloric of her current safe foods; if anything at all.

“Yes-indeed-ee!” Pinkie says happily, oblivious to the rising anxiety in her friend. She then takes a big bite from one bar that she’s already got open and loudly gulps it down after barely chewing it. “Deeliciouus! I promise they’re sooo good!” She practically shoves the offered bar into her face, and that’s when all hell broke loose.

Feeling pressured, Dash slaps the hoof offering her a chocolate bar away from herself, with an angry exclamation of, “I’m not eating frigging chocolate, Pinkie! Do you have any idea how many calories are in that?! It’s all just useless, processed fats and sugar!”

All conversations around them die down in an instant, and Rainbow realises with horror that she just said that out loud.
She normally never, ever says these thoughts out loud.

The pink earth pony’s mane and tail seem to deflate a bit as tears start to fill her eyes. “I thought-… I was just trying to…” she trails off, her lips quivering.

“Pinkie, I’m so sorry, I-I don’t, I didn’t mean-”

“It’s okay, Dashie…” She replies shakily, trying to force a smile on her face. “I should know better…”

“Pinkie…” Rainbow whispers with her ears pinned back, utterly heartbroken as she watches her friend put distance between them with her head hanging low. Pinkie is quickly pulled into Fluttershy’s embrace, and sobs into the pegasus’ shoulder.

Rarity pointedly clears her throat. “I must say, we all know that you are sick and we understand that this isn’t easy for you, but this,” she points to the crying party mare being comforted, “is more than uncalled for!”

“I know…” Rainbow says honestly, hanging her own head and closing her eyes in shame. She’s just as angry and surprised at herself. Never before has she let the disorder talk through her like that, criticising her friend’s food choices.

And of course, even though it was the disorder’s fault that she’d now made one of her friends cry a river, the voice is telling her that she’s obviously not allowed to eat anything now, and that she’s a horrible pony who doesn’t deserve food or water, and the only thing she deserves is to painfully starve to death.

Twilight nudges her shoulder and points to the food options once again, trying to remind her that she still has to eat, and Rainbow only wants to fly far, far away, to somewhere where she couldn’t hurt anyone ever again. She wishes she could make herself disappear into thin air.
I really, really hate myself. She thinks to herself.

Twilight eventually sighs at her adamant refusal and simply levitates a sandwich in front of her. She waits a while until Dash finally accepts defeat and takes it from her.

By the time she finally starts eating, the others are long done, Pinkie has stopped crying, and now they’re all just waiting on her, and it makes Rainbow feel like the entire world is staring her down with anger and disappointment.
She interprets it as: how could she eat something, when she’s just a horrible, worthless pony? How dare she, after hurting one of her best friends? She doesn’t deserve food, and she never did.

She wants to just throw it away from herself and fly off. In all sense of the words, she is in ‘fight or flight’, and the fight is between the food, herself, and her own mind.
She becomes horribly fidgety every time she has to slowly bite off a piece and chew it, and it’s a very obvious struggle for her to do the simplest 3 steps: bite, chew, swallow.

The others have seen her struggle to eat something, but it has never been this obvious, or this severe. Where the friends had still been a bit mad before, they are only concerned now.

It already feels like she’s been at this for hours, when she barely got a third of the sandwich down. To complicate matters further, her stomach is really hurting her now, which is making her really not want to swallow anything.
Her chewing is becoming slower and slower because of it, and she hesitates more and more before she could force herself to take yet another bite. The urge to spit it back out becomes harder and harder to overcome, and it’s slowly becoming near-impossible to swallow it down instead.

The thoughts are becoming louder and crueler with every bite, to the point where it feels like eating this simple sandwich is like walking the walk of shame, before she’ll be locked up in Tartarus for the rest of her life.

When she eventually reaches the halfway point, she feels her eyes tearing up, and at the next forced bite, they spill over. The sandwich feels never ending, and it’s not even because of its size.
It’s not like Twilight gave her a jumbo, massive, house sized sandwich. No, it’s just a normal tomato, cucumber and salad sandwich, and it might as well be filled with poison for how she’s acting.

In a way, it feels like the most intense punishment for her hurtful words and actions. Her mind is completely tearing her apart for what she did, and for having the audacity to eat when she absolutely doesn’t deserve to.

As much as she wants to, and feels like she needs to, Twilight refrains from comforting her in any way. This is a step that Dash will have to take on her own: learning that she still has to eat, even when she messed up. Coddling her every time when things get hard, isn’t going to teach her that. So she’s just staying in the sidelines, never saying a single word — neither of praise, comfort, reprimand, or to rush her.
The others seem to respect that decision. They keep throwing the alicorn questioning glances, but the fact that she’s staying back and not saying anything, has them doing the same, even though it’s excruciatingly difficult not to do or say anything when a close friend is obviously struggling so much.

Eventually, it becomes obvious to everyone that she simply could not take another bite, and Twilight wordlessly picks up the half that’s left of the sandwich and packs it up into a lunch bag.
Fluttershy gently caresses her backside, trying to comfort yet another crying friend.

“I’m sorry.” Rainbow croaks, covering her still crying eyes with a foreleg.

“We know.” The girls and Spike all reply empathetically.

Chapter 46

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Chapter 47 Author's Note

Applejack finally redeems herself.

This chapter is brought to you by "Melanie C - First Day of my Life (Acoustic Version)" making me so god damn sentimental that I wrote 4k words straight of hurt/comfort, struggling™️ and fluff.

⚠️ Warning for near purging.

Chapter 47

Rainbow slowly wakes up, still smiling from her shared dream with Tank. She could hear the others softly snoring around her, the sounds almost lulling her back to sleep.

Unfortunately, her body is having other ideas. A growing hunger is pulling her away from the last dregs of sleep, much to her annoyance. She still feels exhausted and just wants to sleep.

She first assumes that it must be morning already, but when she opens her eyes, it’s pitch black and the moon is still high up in the sky. In her disbelief, she seeks out the clock they’d hung up on the wall, and her jaw drops when the arms show that it’s only a few minutes before 3am.
Urggghhh, not this again…

Frustrated with her body, she closes her eyes and tries to go back to sleep by force of habit. But something that was once her default, is now no longer working.
Instead of falling back asleep, she could feel her stomach give the tiniest quiver, not even making a sound, but she’s immediately wide awake and afraid of it pulling a ‘Pinkie’s stomach’ and wake up half of Equestria.

Moving silent as a mouse, Rainbow sneaks over to their bags, being extremely careful to not step on any of her friends. If she has to eat something in the middle of the night again, the last thing she needs or wants is an audience.

Much to her dismay, all of her safe foods are packed up in wrappers that would crinkle so loud that it’s bound to wake everyone.

Never mind. I’ll wait until morning. She decides, but the moment she turns her back on their food storage, she feels guilty for letting the disorder win. Twilight would want her to eat whenever she’s hungry, no matter what time it is or how much she’d already eaten throughout the day.

How much did I even have, yesterday? She wonders with a sudden urgency. She’d managed to not count any calories, and now she’s desperate to know how high the total was.
One moment she tries to remember everything she ate, so that she could start her estimations, and the next she shakes her head and pushes the thought away again.
No. We don’t do this anymore. Nopony else does it and they don’t gain weight constantly.
Counting calories has always been a sort of safety net for her. It gave her a strange sense of safety and was the tool she needed to remain in full control.

The thing is, she wouldn’t even know where to add nightly calories to — yesterday’s tally, or make those the first calories of the new day. There has never been a need for her to figure that out, since she wasn’t allowed to eat at night, ever.

Her eyes discover the glistening foil of Pinkie’s spilling over chocolate pile.

No. The voice instantly reprimands, and she looks away.

But… what if…

She needs higher calories, if she wakes up hungry at night, right? This might just do the trick, even though she could feel her back crawling at the idea of eating a chocolate bar.

Well, she could always just start with one piece, see how she handles it, and either keep going or just stop there. Maybe she wouldn’t need the whole bar, anyways. She’s probably worrying over nothing already, when she hasn’t even started yet.

She looks back at them, taking a step closer-

No!

She freezes mid-step.

You know better! Go back to bed, NOW!

Rainbow sighs heavily and turns back again, but something inside her prevents her from doing as she’s told. She approaches the forbidden treats again, stands before them, and just stares, unable to reach a hoof out to touch them.

She almost turn back around again. She should know better. She shouldn’t want this, shouldn’t even consider it an option, in the first place!

“If yer gonna eat something, just get it over with.” Applejack’s voice startles her half to death. She’d been so busy going back and forth that she hadn’t noticed that Applejack was now awake, as well.

“I wasn’t- I didn’t-” Rainbow immediately defends nervously, as though she’d been caught doing something illegal.

The farm pony rolls her eyes and grabs a chocolate bar without any second thought, like everypony else in all of Equestria could do, before holding it out to the pegasus wordlessly.

Rainbow gulps, staring at the offering, but she just couldn’t bring herself to touch it. It’s as though her hooves are stuck to the floor because of a spell.

Applejack sighs. “Come on… Ah ain’t gonna judge ya, or whatever it is yer worrying about. Ah mean it: if yer gonna eat something, just get it over with. It’s not the end of the world.”

Rainbow knows this. Oh, how she knows this. But she still couldn’t touch it, the demon inside her head is in full control of her faculties, and it’s deciding that she has to get away before she would do something that she would regret, like eating chocolate.

“Dash-” AJ makes to offer that she’d happily eat with her, if that would make her comfortable enough to finally eat, but the pegasus suddenly flies past her without warning, disappearing from the room. “Darn it…!”

Applejack quickly sprints after her, finding her in the spacious foyer. The pegasus is back on her hooves, and breathing so fast that she’s hyperventilating in obvious panic.

“Gee, Dash, ya gotta calm down…” she unhelpfully informs her. She looks back to the hallway, but it seems that the others are all still asleep. “I wish I’d woken up Twi… she’d know what to do…” she mumbles helplessly to herself.

If Twilight isn’t much for dealing with other ponies’ breakdowns, then Applejack is even less suited for this.
“Uuh…” she tries to think of what the alicorn did. “You’ll be alright.” She starts. “No, that wasn’t it…” she mutters to herself, before trying again. “Everything is gonna be fine.”

Rainbow finally looks up at those words. Applejack still keeps her distance, since the pegasus has her wings splayed out to the sides, making it clear that she does not want to be crowded right now.

“Everything is gonna be fine.” AJ repeats more firmly.

She repeats the phrase a few more times, until Rainbow has calmed down enough to say it, herself.

“Everything’s gonna be fine…”

“That’s right.” The farmer urges her on.

“……I feel so stupid…” Rainbow says, wings and head hanging low in shame.

“Ya ain’t.” AJ promises. “In case ya already forgot: ya beat us at every round of that memory game.”

Dash snorts softly. “It feels like I just cheated.”

“It ain’t cheating, ya just have one strange, but pretty darn incredible noggin’.” Applejack says, pointing to her own head for a moment.

They stay silent for a moment.

“Twilight’s book says that it’s common for ponies who have this anorexia thing, to have a great attention to details and notice things that most would miss.” Rainbow explains. “Maybe that’s playing a role in my ‘photographic memory’.”

“Huh, guess there are some positive sides to this.” The farmer remarks in surprise.

Rainbow just shrugs non-committedly.

Figuring that it was safe to bring up the topic of food again, Applejack takes down her hat and grabs the chocolate bar she’d stashed in it. She doesn’t miss the way Rainbow’s face immediately falls, but she decides to ignore it.

She holds it out again, and this time, Dash slowly but surely comes up to her and accepts it.

“We can share, if ya want. Ah know ya hate being the only one eating.” Applejack offers gently.

They both sit down and Rainbow works on removing the foil from the top. Once freed, she stares at the chocolate as though she’s seeing a ghost.

It’s in that moment that she realises something:

“I know it probably sounds crazy, but I’ve never had a chocolate bar.”

“…yer kidding.” Applejack states in disbelief.

Rainbow shakes her head.

“Not even as a f-…” She remembers their earlier conversation right as she made to say ‘filly’. “…right… But.. surely somepony must have given ya one at some point in yer life?”

Dash nods, grimacing guiltily. “I either gave it away, or… I had a cabinet in my room, where I always hid all the unhealthy sweets — the ‘bad food’ — that I got.”

To say that Applejack is feeling her heart sinking to the floor at those words would be an understatement. She tries to imagine growing up like that.
The worst part is that it wasn’t an adult that told Dash what she could and couldn’t have. It was herself, or rather: this horrible, horrible disorder.

She almost doesn’t notice when Dash finally manages to take a first, small bite.

“Ya know, there ain’t no such thing as good or bad food. The only thing truly bad would be no food.” She comments, not looking at the pegasus as she chews and swallows, so that she doesn’t feel like she’s being watched.

“I’m an athlete, AJ. I can’t live off of sugary sweets like Pinkie and stay in shape.” The pegasus replies.

“Sure, but I bet’cha that even the best, most famous Wonderbolts have to be able to just enjoy themselves every once in a while, and maybe put on a few pounds for a bit. It’s perfectly normal, Dash.”

“Well I’m glad that such things are so normal for you. I hope you never have to live in this hell.” Dash snaps. “Maybe I just don’t want to be like the rest, going off a strict diet badly enough to gain weight that I will have to work off again.”

Applejack frowns for a moment. “This is gonna be a bit extreme, but answer me honestly, Dash: if ya knew that you were gonna die tomorrow, that today was your last day, would you really want to spend it ‘being in control’?
Would your last, dying goal be to have reached a certain amount of calories and whatnot, that won’t matter anyways, because ya don’t get to see your reflection the next day anyhow?”

That truly gets her thinking. Not just the way Princess Luna has just told her something similar, which is hopefully just some weird coincidence and not a certain farm pony having access to their dreams somehow.
Rainbow has spent a good amount of time trying to imagine what would have become of her friends and family if she had just suddenly died at the Summer Sun Festival, if she hadn’t survived after flying that stupid Sonic Rainboom.
The ruminating thoughts have mostly been filled with a horrible guilt and shame.

“No… I would want to spend as much time with all of you, and try to teach Scoot as much as I can, and…” She could feel her throat closing up painfully when it hits her how utterly useless and pointless it is, the way she has spent the majority of her life.
None of it will matter, all her struggles have been for nothing. And yet, even though she knows perfectly how messed up it all is, she still couldn’t bring herself to just simply eat.
“I wish this would just finally get easier…” she brokenly tells the still hardly touched chocolate bar in her hooves.

“Ah know it’s probably fruitless, coming from me, but Ah’m sure it will. Ya just have to be-”

“-patient?” Rainbow finishes angrily. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but patience isn’t really my strong suit.”

No kiddin’. Applejack thinks ruefully, remembering the whole drama that they all went through, because the next Daring Do book was postponed.

Rainbow continues. “I’ve been nothing but patient, and ‘strong’, and…” she falters again. “I just want a break…”

AJ grimaces in sympathy. “I’m afraid ya can’t exactly ‘take a break’ from eating food, sugarcube.”

“Will you stop calling me ‘sugarcube’ all the time?!”

Taken aback by the sudden outburst, Applejack needs a moment to string a sentence together. “But Ah’ve always called y’all that?”

Rainbow covers most of her face with a foreleg, groaning.

Apparently she isn’t going to get further information. “Alright, Ah’ll try not to call ya- … that.”

“…thanks.” Rainbow mumbles genuinely.

“So… how is it?” Applejack asks, genuinely curious, pointing to the chocolate. The question has a double meaning: she’s not just asking about the taste, but also about Dash’s ability to handle eating it, after declaring that she wouldn’t accept chocolate, back in the forest.
The irony is not lost on her, but all she feels is pride, and a growing fear that this might not end well.

“It’s…. not as bad as I thought.” She admits, and takes a second, not as small, bite. Although she starts to fidget nervously again, which is making the earth pony wary.
Ever since Twilight told her about ‘the thoughts’, Applejack has always been on high alert whenever Dash left the group or simply went to the bathroom. She hopes dearly that Dash could cope well enough right now, so that Applejack won’t have to… try to stop her? Could she even do that?
And what if she can’t?
How does one react and handle a close friend doing that to themselves, while helplessly standing by?

“I never would have thought that I’d be eating a chocolate bar, at 3 in the morning, for the first time in my life.” Rainbow remarks, her voice tremulous, as though she’s anxiously- fearfully awaiting the wrath and punishment for breaking two rules at once.

“See it as a win.” Applejack says proudly. “And Ah promise that nothing bad’ll happen because of it.”

Rainbow nods. “Everything is going to be fine.” She reminds herself, still in disbelief that this stupid mantra thing actually works. She breaks off an untouched square, offering it to the farm pony, who accepts it without hesitation.

“Cheers to that.” Applejack says jokingly.

Rainbow snorts, amused. “Cheers.” She says, and counts every new bite as a win, rather than calories.

“Ya know…” Applejack starts, after simply letting the pegasus ‘enjoy’ her first real chocolate for a while. “No matter how difficult things get, or how hopeless it may seem, we’ll always be there for ya.”

Rainbow swallows. She’s making good progress on the bar. “I… I know.”

The farm pony looks away, taking down her hat and holding it against her chest. “Ah never got to say goodbye to mah parents, tell them how much Ah loved them, one last time.
If you’d died that day, after Ah was so insensitive and we argued, Ah’d never be able to forgive myself for the rest of mah life.”
She looks back to the pegasus. “Ah count my blessings every day that you’re still here, and still fighting.”

Rainbow tries to blink away the tears that are starting to well up in her eyes. She wants nothing more than to forget that awful day, that she never truly considered how it impacts her friends still to this day.

“You know what..?” She asks, ignoring the way her voice is shaking. “I’m really glad that I’m still here, too.”

Applejack smiles, putting her hat back where it belongs. “Yeah, good thing too, cause otherwise ya wouldn’t be eating chocolate at 3am.” She replies jokingly.

Rainbow laughs wholeheartedly, breaking off another piece and giving it to Applejack. “Wouldn’t wanna miss that for the world.”

Twilight watches the two most athletic ponies of the group for a moment. They are the only ones still asleep, and while it’s not unusual for Dash to sleep in, it definitely is for Applejack.

What makes her even more suspicious is the fact that they are laying side by side, just snoring away softly, when they had gone to sleep at opposite ends of the room.

“They’re still asleep?” Spike asks behind her, returning with a dusty old comic book he’d found in the library.

Twilight nods. “I’m starting to get the feeling that we’ve missed something.”

Spike watches the two sleeping friends for a moment. “Well, at least they don’t seem like they were fighting.” He points out and shrugs.

“No.” Twilight carefully agrees. It feels weird, knowing that she has had arguments with Rainbow, and then they still ended up sleeping next to each other, in the same beds. Arguments where she has hurt Rainbow, and the pegasus had every right to be mad at her for it.
But Dash is loyal and forgiving to a fault, when it comes to that.
“I just wonder what happened last night.”

Pinkie bounces over to her chocolate pile, about to just grab one, when she notices something different about it, and suddenly feels extremely off. “Hey, there’s one missing!” She says a bit too loudly, and not a second later, starts to violently shake all over — her Pinkie Sense is sensing a doozie.

“W-what’s happening?!” Spike exclaims. “Pinkie Sense? What did that one mean?”

“S-S-Something comple-e-etely-y-y une-e-expe-e-ecte-e-ed is abo-o-out to-o-o ha-a-appe-e-en!”

The shouting finally startles Dash awake, who immediately raises her head and looks around. “Wha- Pinkie, why-” she stammers, before her brain starts registering her body’s signals, and she quickly turns to Twilight. “Is anyone in the bathroom right now??” She asks, since she’s not seeing Rarity or Fluttershy in the room with them.

Briefly taken aback by the question, and everything else going on right now, Twilight looks over to where the bathroom door is standing open. “No-”

Dash zooms past them all so fast that only her rainbow trail could be seen for a moment, followed by the bathroom door being closed shut with more force than necessary.

Twilight looks over at Pinkie Pie still shaking like she’s being possessed. She shakes her head and turns to Spike.
“This day is just getting weirder and weirder…”

“…and it’s only 10am.” Spike adds.

Applejack has now woken up from all the commotion as well, yawning and rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “Mornin’ y’all…” She mumbles, before realising that the spot on her right is no longer occupied by a certain pegasus.
“Hey, where’s Dash?”

“Bathroom.” Twilight and Spike reply in unison.

Against their expectations, the farm pony instantly panics at the single word. “What?! Is she-” then she notices Pinkie’s current state, and fears the worst. “Pinkie… please tell me yer Pinkie Sense is not sensing Dash stickin’ her wing down her throat right now.”

“…What?!”

A few hours earlier…

Dash and Applejack are still in the foyer, with the pegasus now pacing agitatedly in circles. A nearby trash bin is housing the empty wrapping, crumpled into a ball, that was previously keeping them from staining their hooves with its contents.

“I can’t believe I did that…” Rainbow laments as she trots at a strong pace. “I shouldn’t- why did- what was I thinking?!”

“Dash, there ain’t nothing wrong with eating chocolate.” Applejack calmly tells her. “In a few hours, the sun is still gonna rise up in the sky, yer not gonna gain ten pounds from this, and we’re all still yer friends.”

Rainbow finally halts to a stop, heaving a sigh.

“If ya can’t go back to sleep, we could play a game? Ya need a distraction.”

Rainbow shakes her head. “Can’t concentrate.” She then trots over to one of the windows.

“What are you doing now?” Applejack demands, rushing to her side.

“I need to fly.” Dash grits out urgently, wings already opening on their own accord.

“Then fly in here. There’s enough room-”

“It’s not the same.”

“Have ya even looked outside?!” The farm pony scolds harshly, gesturing to the flashing lightning from the darkest storm clouds she has ever seen. Which… Rainbow has been so focused on other things, that she’s never even noticed the storm that’s been building up outside.

With the only thing that would save her right now being unavailable, the growing anxiety is starting to actively suffocate her. She feels like she could barely draw in a breath, and even in the spacious foyer she feels like the walls are closing in on her.

“I-I can’t-! I have to- you don’t-”

Applejack lays a firm hoof on her shoulder. “Rainbow, look at me. Focus on me. Everything is okay. Ya hear me? Everything is gonna be fine-”

And then, to her absolute horror, Rainbow suddenly turns away from her, starts to gag with her shoulders squared, and brings the largest primary feather of her flexible wing to her mouth.

“Dash NO!” She shouts and pounces on her, stopping her from going any further. “Ya don’t want to do this!”

It breaks her heart, having to hold down her sobbing friend so she couldn’t…. with her own wing, the most important part to her, of all things…

Applejack is absolutely correct: she doesn’t want to do this. But she absolutely needs to.

“If ya do this, you’re only letting the bastard win, and nothing good will come out of it.” She murmurs lowly. “All it’ll do is make ya even more miserable, and as yer friend, Ah can’t let ya do that to yerself.”

Rainbow has never known that one could hate their friends, and at the same time, be eternally grateful to have them.
Then again, it’s not truly her who wishes that she didn’t have anyone in her life who is able to stop her from doing what she desperately needs to do.

All she manages to emit is a pained mewl, but as she lays there, the fighter in her is slowly but surely getting back to her hooves.

The world isn’t going to end if she keeps it down and simply lets her body digest it.
The world may not end if she gives in, either. But if this was the last night of her life, then she wouldn’t want to have it wasted like that, with the darn voice winning.

If I’m going down, I’m going down fighting. She promises herself, and her friends.

Present

“So… how exactly did you two end up here, like that?” Spike asks curiously, pointing to where Dash had previously been sleeping right next to the earth pony.

Their earlier yelling has attracted the attention of the previously not present girls. Rarity looks utterly horrified, while Twilight, Fluttershy and Spike are heartbroken to hear about what happened last night.

Pinkie is still shaking, so that horrific tale was somehow not the doozie.

Applejack awkwardly rubs the back of her neck. “Well… by the time she was calmed down enough, we came back here. But she still didn’t trust herself not to give in ta temptation, so we just.. laid down over here, and must have eventually fallen asleep.”

To add to the misery, Dash had told her that she couldn’t just go to sleep, because she kind of needed to pee, but she hadn’t dared to go anywhere near the bathroom, nor separate from Applejack in general.
Apparently they must have both fallen asleep at some point, anyhow.

Twilight decides that she’s heard enough and goes to investigate what Rainbow is currently up to. She knocks on the bathroom door, afraid of what she might walk in on once she opens it.

She’s already forming entire speeches of what she would say, if she found the pegasus indeed purging, or attempting to purge.
However, it’s oddly silent, as though nopony is even in it.

Against all expectations, she finds the pegasus just calmly sitting in front of a lean, tall mirror, which Rarity once insisted upon the bathroom absolutely needing it, as its shape and decorative designs around the mirror’s frame complimented it.
For Dash’s sake, they had kept it covered by a sheet — until now, apparently.

“Rainbow..? Are you… okay?” She asks carefully, coming to her side.

“If today was my last day, I’d want to spend it having fun with all you guys.” The pegasus replies, before finally looking over to her.

Stunned by the words, and a bit freaked out by how calmly she just said that, Twilight is speechless for a moment.
“…Alright…? I would spend it with all of you, too.”

Rainbow smiles at her, before looking back at the mirror. “It’s something Luna told me. If I ask myself whether or not what I’m about to do today is how I’d want to spend my last day, and the answer is ‘No’, and it keeps being ‘No’, then it’s time to do and change something about it.”

“That’s… pretty good advice.” Twilight replies. She comes to her side, curious to know what the mirror is showing Rainbow right now.

They remain in silence for a while, and to Twilight’s surprise, the pegasus is smiling at their reflections.

“What do you see?” The alicorn finally asks her.

“A very lucky pony, with the best friends that anypony could ever ask for.” Dash says without a hint of hesitation.

Immense relief washes over her, and Twilight can’t stop herself from hugging her. They would be lying if they said that there weren’t any happy, relieved tears being shed.

“Let’s go and make some more of those happy memories that you keep talking about.” Rainbow broaches half jokingly, and the two finally separate again.

When they get back into the ‘bedroom’, they find Pinkie still shaking violently. Rainbow notices the — still pretty large — pile of chocolates, and looks back and forth between it and Pinkie. She has a feeling that she knows what Pinkie is sensing, and even though she really doesn’t want to add any more-

“Screw it.” She mutters and grabs one. She already screwed up last night, so what harm could this possibly do?
“Anypony else up for chocolate for breakfast?” She asks casually, opening it and breaking off a piece, which she simply eats without hesitation. The others stare at her as though they’re seeing a ghost.
She smirks proudly when the pink mare rapidly changes shapes, until she is finally standing still and looking perfectly normal again.

A second later, she is thrown over by Pinkie pouncing on her. “I knew you would love it! And I’m always up for chocolate for breakfast! Or brunch, or lunch, or dinner, or…”

Chapter 48

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Chapter 49

Like Spitfire said, they pretty much spent the next hour just posing for pictures with a bunch of strangers (to Dash and Scootaloo), and answering the same questions over and over again.

Rainbow was bored and sick of saying the same things over and over after the fifth time, but had to continue to smile and tell everyone who asked that yes, she’s the newest member, and yes, she’s fine now after her fall, and no, she couldn’t perform that incredible trick for their birthday/anniversary/wedding if Spitfire says no.

Some of them ask her about Scootaloo, but it’s blatantly obvious that they don’t actually give a damn whenever Rainbow proudly introduces her as her sister to these strangers, but they apparently still feel the need to point out that a young filly is with the Wonderbolts in the VIP lounge.

Don’t get her wrong, being a Wonderbolt is awesome. But it’s mostly the flying part that she loves about it.
The social events, and the paperwork? Not so much, and she’s had more than enough of that from weather duty.

She feels bad for Scootaloo, because heck, Dash would have been out of there in no time at her age. If she’s this bored, then the poor filly must feel like she’s being punished or something. But she never leaves, and she stays polite whenever a noble inquires about a young filly being in the VIP lounge in a rather rude fashion.

Roughly two hours of meet and greet’s pass by before Rainbow starts to feel shaky and lightheaded, but every time she wants to excuse herself and Scoot, some other pony calls for her, wants an autograph or a photo with her, or asks her how she likes being a Wonderbolt so far, or any of the other same, boring questions, which she’s replying to like a broken record at this point.

It’s when Scootaloo notices her sister’s wing feathers tremor and her eyes blink more than normal — symptoms that she has witnessed more times than a filly her age should ever have to recognise — that she has to think of a way to get her out of there, and fast.

“Excuse me!” She suddenly calls out, disrupting a mare’s ramblings which Dash is probably not even listening to anymore, anyways. “Princess Celestia is calling for you.” She loudly tells Rainbow, in hopes that any other ponies who want to speak to her will back off, before adding a “so sorry” to the now dumbfounded mare.

Not catching on to the fib, Rainbow follows her sister out of the VIP lounge and into the great hall of the castle, where the buffet is. It’s not too crowded, but quite a few guests are dining and chattering.

“I don’t see her anywhere?” Rainbow asks, looking around the room and failing to find the princess in question.

“I just made that up.” Scootaloo confesses. “Let’s go get some food.” She says, heading to the buffet, and is glad when Dash keeps following her instead of panicking and running off.

The filly casually fills her own plate with whatever she likes, and when she checks on her sister, she finds Dash more or less copying her choices, though her plate is mostly filled with broccoli.
Well, it’s better than nothing, she supposes. The more important part is that she actually eats it.

They choose a table in the far back, away from anypony else, and Rainbow decides to take off her suit, in hopes that she’ll be less recognised. It’s adding to the growing anxiety, as she would much prefer to keep her body covered up right now.
Of course she stands out like a sore hoof either way, but she hopes that not wearing anything will make her stand out less than if she’s representing the Wonderbolts.

They eat in silence for a few minutes, and once Rainbow could think clearer again, she wonders, “how did you know?”

Scootaloo pauses, then realises what she meant. “Let’s just say I know the signs of low blood sugar in a pegasus.” She replies cryptically, keeping her eyes downcast.

Rainbow watches her for a moment longer, debating on asking more questions, but she feels that this is a topic that neither of them should be discussing at a public event.

“Look, there’s Scootaloo n’ Rainbow Dash!” They hear Apple Bloom call out, and look up.

The rest of the group joins the two pegasi, along with a certain princess of the night.

“Princess Luna!” Scootaloo cheers excitedly when she sees her.

“Good evening to you too, Scootaloo.” Luna greets her, before nodding to Dash. “We hope that everything has been going well so far for you?”

“Yeah.” Rainbow says, looking at Scootaloo. “It has.”

“A dress with the star constellations on the fabric!” Rarity suddenly exclaims next to Luna. “And a star shaped charm for your mane! Aaaah!” She practically squeals in her apparent excitement.

Twilight snorts at the pegasi’s lost expressions. “Rarity wants to make Luna dresses. She’s getting a LOT of inspiration.” She explains with a giggle at the flabbergasted Luna.

“I have no idea how she never runs out of ideas and inspiration.” Rainbow deadpans.

Sweetie Belle shrugs. “It can be pretty annoying when she’s deep in her ‘flow’ and practically wants to murder you if you disturb her. But she does have amazing talent.” She says, showing off her own new dress, which pretty much makes her look like a snow fairy.

“Oh! And a moon charm at the chest, of course!” The fashionista continues. “Yes, I can already see it!”

Applejack leans in and whispers in Dash’s ear, “Ah think Princess Luna is in for a fashion show, just for her own dresses, if she keeps this up.”

Rainbow chuckles at the imagery.

“Oh, you simply must let me design you a dress, or two!” Rarity pleads.

“I… suppose?” Luna stammers.

Twilight smiles knowingly. “Don’t worry, I promise you won’t regret it.”

Accepting her fate, Luna nods. “Alright-”

“YES! Yes yes yes yes!” Rarity squeals happily, causing the other guests nearby to stop and stare.

Even though (probably) none of them are staring at her, Rainbow suddenly feels like all eyes are on her, and every pony is judging her — for eating, and for showing her disgusting self so openly.

She couldn’t breathe.

It’s like there is suddenly no oxygen inside this huge castle anymore.

Only the cold, disgusted, judging stares, in a room that now feels uncomfortably hot.

With her heart hammering away in her chest, Rainbow does the only thing she could do.

“Rainbow? Are you-” Scootaloo never gets to finish her question, because the pony in question is only leaving a rainbow trail in her wake as she flees from the room, out the large doors, into the night sky, in not even two seconds.

“Oh, great…” Twilight laments. “Stay here.” She commands to the filly, taking note that Dash barely even touched her own plate. She grabs Rainbow’s uniform in her magic, because it’s way too cold for her outside without anything on. Then she teleports herself outside and starts looking for Dash.

She quickly finds her up on a cloud, hyperventilating and desperately trying to make it stop.

It feels surreal, to see her like this, when just a moment ago she’d been fine. She’d been laughing, and conversing, and maybe even enjoying herself.

It makes Twilight wonder just how long she’s been so close to the edge all day, that it took…
She doesn’t even know what the trigger was, to send her spiralling off like that.

“I’m okay.” Rainbow mumbles breathlessly, the hoof she was touching at her shoulder slides down to her chest, feeling her racing heart slowing down a bit.

“Are you sure?” Twilight asks seriously, eyeing the gesture. After what happened, she can’t help the spike in her own anxiety whenever Dash is holding her chest.

The pegasus nods. “I’ll be back in a minute.” She promises.

Twilight holds out her uniform. “At least put this on again. I don’t want you to catch a cold.”

Playfully rolling her eyes, Rainbow takes it from her but doesn’t put it on. “I will. The cold is helping, and I feel way too hot right now.”

“Alright.” Twilight says, but doesn’t leave her side. In fact, she lands next to her on the cloud, and quickly finds herself stargazing. The stars seem to shine brighter in the pitch black night sky than she’s used to.

It doesn’t take long for Rainbow to realise what the alicorn is doing, and she smirks knowingly. “Still obsessing over stars, huh?”

“I am not ‘obsessing’!” Twilight argues, scandalous. “I just like to see which constellations I can find, and knowing that these stars have existed for thousands of years before us. It’s just fascinating.”

Rainbow snickers, much to Twi’s annoyance. “Egghead.” She teases.

“Oh yeah? Why don’t you tell me which ones you can find?” She challenges. It’s a long-shot, but it might help Rainbow clear her head from the anxiety-ridden fog that’s clouding her judgment and thought process.

“Psh, easy. Up there is the big dipper, there’s the large Ursa, over here’s Orion,…” Rainbow lists off, pointing to each one without hesitation. Until suddenly, she freezes, staring at a particular formation of stars.

Twilight squints, trying to find whatever is causing her distress. She’s about to give up, when she finally discovers… “is that.. The Wing of Icarus?” She asks, surprised to see that particular collection of stars tonight, as it’s usually only seen during the summer months — hence the name.

Rainbow nods. “I’ve only ever seen it in a book at Flight School. They told us it’s a reminder to-“

“To not become blinded by ambition and lose sight of the risks, or you’ll suffer the consequences.” They finish together, both feeling the irony of it. Not just about Rainbow’s fall, but also the eating disorder in its entirety.

“…do you know that you flew up here by yourself?” Twilight asks carefully. It’s the first time the pegasus has taken to the air without her or Spike with her, and it’s quite the distance from the ground to up here, not like whenever they started high up from the roof platform of the castle.

Rainbow seems to only realise that now. “Huh… I didn’t even think about it.” She says, peeking over the side of the cloud, to the ground below.

“The sky is your safe place. I don’t think anything in the world will ever be able to change that.” Twilight says knowingly. She gets it — she has seen many times to what evil, pain and suffering magic is capable of, in the wrong hooves. But she will never be afraid of it, or at least not of her own magic.

“Yeah… maybe.” Rainbow agrees, ruffling her feathers and standing up. “Let’s go back inside, before they send someone to check on us.”

They’re greeted at the entrance by their friends, who were clearly worried by Dash’s sudden exit and them not coming back for a while.

“Might I make a suggestion?” Luna asks the ten friends. “If you wish, I would be more than happy to have you dine in peace in your own room.”

The decision is up to Rainbow, and she hates the way everyone is looking at her. But tonight is not about proving herself and forcing herself to push past her comfort zone. Tonight is about making it as enjoyable as possible, and it would give her the bonus of being with her friends.
“I think that would be great.” She says, genuinely relieved to not have to eat in public just yet. It’s obvious that she’s not quite there yet, and that is okay.

“I’m glad we’re doing this.” Twilight remarks when they’re all secluded from the masses and get to enjoy the castle’s cook’s dishes in peace.

“Yeah. And it’s nice to get a break from all the attention, too.” Rainbow admits.

She’s not the only one who’s been getting swarmed by strangers due to her status. Twilight can definitely sympathise with her on that one, especially since she isn’t exactly a social butterfly, and hates getting unwanted attention just because she’s a princess.

“Tell me about it.” Twilight remarks half jokingly.

“Yeah! And none of them ever so much as glance at me.” Spike complains. “Maybe I should get my hands on some wings, if they make you that much more important.”

They all laugh.

“Trust me: Fame really isn’t everything.” Rainbow declares, and finally clears her own plate. The others couldn’t agree more.

“You already have an entire empire of fans, Spike.” Twilight points out.

“Yeah, but we hardly ever visit!”

Rainbow bows down before him. “Oh Spike, the brave and glorious! Our saviour of Equestria-”

“Okay, that’s enough.” He decides, causing everyone to laugh.

That night, Rainbow has a dream about the buffet from earlier. But instead of the usual turn of events that these dreams normally take, she’s only filling her plate with a normal amount of food, much like she had in the real world.

She wakes up shortly afterwards, not in a panic but completely calm, and ventures out of their room to look for Princess Luna. She finds the dark alicorn out on a small balcony that oversees most of Canterlot.

“Did you see that?” Rainbow asks, and Luna nods. “Does that mean… am I… cured?” She asks hopefully.

“Maybe not 'cured', but I’d say that you are definitely getting there.”

The next morning they all have to rush a bit, because Cloudsdale is arriving to bring winter to Canterlot, so they have to catch the early train — much to Spike’s dismay.

“No fair! They’re finally bringing snow, and we have to leave?!” He complains. “Can’t we stay another day, until we get winter at home?”

Twilight only rolls her eyes. “Ponyville will get snow once they’re done here. You can wait one more day.”

“Can we at least keep winter for longer, then?” He asks.

Applejack shakes her head. “Nuh-uh. Spring starts on the same day every year. We gotta plant our seeds for the next harvest.”

“Aaawww…” He whines, slouching in disappointment.

Twilight checks the time impatiently. “Where are Dash and Scootaloo? They said they’d be right back.”

The pega-sisters have gone out for a flight a while ago — after a quick breakfast, of course. Twilight never allows Rainbow to fly outside unless she ate something, and the pegasus is honouring that new rule without much complaint.

“Here!” Dash announces, coming in through the window with Scootaloo on her back, landing in the middle of the room.

The filly hops off her back and starts talking excitedly. “We were flying all over the city, and behind the waterfalls, and-”

“You can tell us later, we have a train to catch!” Twilight interrupts, and pauses when she sees Rainbow opening a bag to look for something inside. “Urgh, Rainbow, what are you doing? We don’t have time for this!”

“Just making sure we got enough snacks for the train ride.” She replies casually, closing up the bag again and throwing it over herself before trotting past her.

“That’s nice but- wait what?” Twilight asks when she realises what Dash just said.

“Come on!” The pegasus calls, and the group finally follows her through the castle and down to the train station.

“Goodbye snow…” Spike laments as they get on the train. “I’ll see you soon, I guess.”

“You know, you don’t need to have snow outside to drink hot cocoa.” Twilight points out, sitting down next to him.
Behind them, Rarity begins working on the sketches she’s started on yesterday, not paying any mind to the others.

“I know, but it’s just not the same…”

“Sorry.” Rainbow apologises genuinely from the row of seats on the other side.

Twilight does a double take when she looks over to the two sisters, who are sharing what looks like carrot sticks.

“What?” The cyan pegasus asks irritatedly when she’s being stared at. “I’m hungry after our flight.”

Finally getting over her shock, Twilight smiles at her before looking away. “Nothing.” She says, and then a moment later adds, “I’m proud of you.”

While Rainbow pauses, Scootaloo joins in, “me too!”

Still feeling like genuine praise like this is meaningless at best, and mocking her at worst, thanks to the way her parents raised her, Rainbow awkwardly clears her throat. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She declares, and grabs another carrot stick.

Twilight shakes her head in amusement, looking out the window at the passing scenery. Never change, Rainbow. Never change.

Author's Note

Sorry it’s so short :(